 In previous videos, we've discussed gaslighting and what it is. To give a brief recap, gaslighting refers to emotionally abusive behavior. But not all emotional abuse is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used to invalidate someone's feelings. American Psychological Association's definition is, to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events. The manipulation can be so bad that it can sometimes lead to mental illness in the individual being manipulated. Many assume that lying and gaslighting are the same. But they are not. Intention plays a big part. For example, you're trying on a jacket, but you feel insecure about it. You ask your friend for their opinion, and they tell you, you look great. But you still feel insecure. Despite your insecurity and concerns, your friend assures you that you look great, dismisses your concerns, and insists you buy it. Technically, this can be seen as gaslighting, because your concerns are being invalidated. But it's unlikely that your friend's intention is to cause you emotional distress. Gaslighting is less about convincing than it is about shifting blame, although they may use lies to convince you. So what are the signs that someone's gaslighting you? Someone who's gaslighting you will lie and insist that you did something you did not do. Discredit your memory or perception of an event. Call your names, popular ones are sensitive or crazy. When you express your needs or concerns, turn others against you and make them doubt you. Insist that their perception is correct and yours is wrong. Let's take a closer look at these signs. Lying is the most obvious sign that someone is gaslighting you. But not everyone who lies is doing so with the intent to gaslight you. Usually, people lie to protect themselves or cover something up. However, when someone lies in order to gaslight someone, it feels very different. There is an intention behind it. According to a very well article by Certified Professional Life Coach and Bullying Prevention Advocate Sherry Gordon, gaslighters are habitual liars and exhibit narcissistic tendencies, meaning they lie frequently and for personal gain. Most of their lies are to discredit you, even when you provide proof of their deception. Because they are habitual liars, their lies sound very convincing. Thus making you second-guess yourself. Their intention is usually to gain control over you. Discrediting. To support their deceptions, many gaslighters go the extra mile. They spread rumors about you or even give you false information. They might tell you that so-and-so harbors negative feelings or thoughts against you. This tactic serves to further isolate you from others and make it easier to manipulate you. Another common way gaslighters try to discredit you is by pretending. They pretend to worry about you or your well-being. When in reality, they are trying to make you worry and doubt yourself. Usually, their fake concern is disguised with compassionate phrases like, I would never do anything to hurt you or I care about you so this is why I'm acting or saying this to you. They trigger the emotional aspect of the relationship you formed with them and appeal to your compassion so that you believe them. Minimizing. Part of trying to discredit you involves minimizing or controlling your emotions. They may tell you to calm down or that you're overreacting to one of their deceptions. The intention behind this is to regulate your emotional response, which in turn causes you to doubt your own beliefs and thoughts. As Gordon writes in her article, when you deal with someone who never acknowledges your thoughts, feelings or beliefs, you may begin to question them yourself. What's more, you may never feel validated or understood, which can be extremely isolating, shaming and difficult to cope with. Blaming. A gaslighter always shifts blame and responsibility away from themselves. This is why they use kind words and false concern to make you feel as though you are at fault. Regardless of the proof you present, they will never admit to their deception or wrongdoings. Slowly, you may start to think that you really are the problem. As a result, you begin to take on guilt, blame and responsibility for every outcome, even though it was never in your control. However, while in a relationship with a gaslighter, you may never realize this. You might continue to blame yourself and apologize for things that are not your fault. Gaslighting may be difficult to spot and to address, but there are ways you can regain power. Reach out to trusted family members or friends who are not directly involved and ask for their perspective. Doing so can give you clarity on the situation. Also, keep a record of your activity. That way, you have solid proof in case a gaslighter tries to manipulate your perception of things. Lastly, set clear boundaries in the relationship. This will protect you from further gaslighting attempts. It may be difficult to deal with a gaslighter alone. If you start to notice that gaslighting is affecting your mental health, seek help from a licensed therapist. Let us know how this video has helped you overcome gaslighting and if you have any personal tips that helped you. If you liked this video, don't forget to hit the thumbs up and subscribe to our channel.