 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com. I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic, he'll see you as the most important woman in the world. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, these are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony, very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below in the comments for Midlife Love Mastery to join my VIP group. All right, let's talk about how he'll see you as the most important woman in the world. So I've done videos like this before and most of my contemporaries will kind of say the same thing. Men need to feel respected and they need to feel accepted. And that's a critical piece in any relationship. And I'm gonna share something totally different. So bear with me for a bit and I know some of you think I'm a little long-winded and I'd like to think that there's a lot of value when I'm gonna share. So let's talk about feeling respected and feeling accepted because that is an important thing in any relationship whether you're a man or a woman. I know the narrative is men want to feel respected and women wanna feel cherished. And at the end of the day though everybody wants to feel respected because who wants to be disrespected in a relationship? And certainly don't men and women on some level want to feel cherished as well. So these are important things to discuss. There's no doubt about it. And as I'm sharing this right now I'm thinking about a first date I had or no second date I had with a woman who and I'm just demonstrating respect. On our second date I went to go pick her up at her house and she has this beautiful home in San Diego. And as she was walking me around she was saying how she's gonna remodel her kitchen. And she had all these tiles out that she was picking and she said, Jonathan you seem like a person that has a good eye I value your opinion would you mind sharing me what which tiles you think would be best for this kitchen? And just it was interesting in that moment I felt a level of respect. I felt she was asking my opinion. You know there's no great I think when we ask people's opinion about things especially in the early stage of dating I think people that talk about ideas and thoughts and perspectives to me are the individuals that live a deeper juicer life. That's just me. You know I know many of you are on the dating apps and the conversations are like this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a blessed day? Have a really good day. How was your day today? Like I mean that to me is such surface level of conversation. I like the juicer, juicer, deeper conversations in fact is I'm gonna share with you a meme that I absolutely love. Really quickly it says I don't know if you can see that but it says I hate small talk. I wanna talk about Adam's death, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night? Your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Is it just me? Am I the only person that really wants to go deeper than the surface? Because I gotta tell you the dating realm today looks like it's so surface level and I think part of the problem is that there's a hyper focus on chemistry in particular romance instead of the more important issues in a relationship which is about compatibility. Do we share the same values? Are our lifestyles blendable? And more importantly is this person an emotional grownup to be in relationship and the reality is is most humans aren't. Let's be real for a second. The divorce rate here in the United States is roughly 50% and second marriage is at 65% and third marriage is at 75%. So you would think that after a person has gone through a divorce you would think they'd be better at picking people, don't you? And by the way, this isn't even contemplating the multiple relationships people might have in their lives that last between three months and six months or a year or two years. And this doesn't even contemplate all the first and second and third dates people are having that are going nowhere. So let's get f-ing real. It's a mess out there. It's a mess out there. And yet people are meeting and falling in love. I have four clients. Oh, and I just heard about my high school girlfriend, my high school sweetheart who I had went to the prom with. We went our separate ways after high school and she got married and she lost her husband to COVID a couple of years ago. And she reached out to me because she's now met a great guy on Bumble, the dating app Bumble. She's a widower, great lady. And she was telling me how this feels like a really good relationship. So not only are my clients are experiencing success stories, I'm hearing this. And she was asking my, and she'd asked my advice quite a bit during this period of time. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So I mentioned respect and I mentioned acceptance. And those are critical factors in a relationship but what's happening today is different unlike any other time before in history. This is why the traditional narratives of the men are the provider and protectors and women are the nurturers. Doesn't fit for today's narrative for a couple of different reasons. And this is really critically important. So stick around because this might change your love life. I mean this sincerely because most people hyper focus on the traditional expectations of dating, courting and all that kind of stuff without understanding the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. So literally up until about 50, 60, 70, 100 years ago before electricity. I mean, before we had these devices, okay? Before we had these devices. Predominantly people made it to for their basic needs of water, shelter, food. They made it for those reasons for whether I believe Neanderthals started 200,000 years ago. So literally 200,000 years ago up until 50 years ago that was the purpose of mating for the most part. Now, because women are more in control of their bodies, they can make more money. The purpose for mating isn't the same as it used to be. And this has changed the narrative dramatically because when you're no longer hyper focused on your basic needs of food, water, shelter and protection from the enemy. I mean, here in the United States, we haven't had to think about the draft for 50 years, okay? So for 50 years, we haven't really been focused on protecting our neighborhoods like it was maybe in the past and certainly in the cowboy era of time as well. So because of that, we can actually make for different reasons. And what's happening today, critically important to understand this is for the first time in men and women's lives our emotions and our feelings around being with someone matter way more than ever before. Let me repeat that our emotions and feelings matter way more than ever before. Okay, this is critically important and because of COVID in the last two years, I heard this on a podcast the other day but we are experiencing what's known as an intimacy famine, an intimacy famine. In other words, human beings are thirsty for intimacy. Intimacy is into me you see, into me you see. Well, I got it, see, see. All right, so what's it gonna make them wanna think about you as the most important woman in the world or in the universe? And that's why I've got my Star Trek t-shirt today and my coffee mug says I make the world go around. What do you do? The world get it? Humans have to be couples have to now be more conscious about emotional intimacy and emotional safety because ultimately what people are craving today is emotional connection. Their connection, their craving connection, their craving companionship, their craving sex. So there's a physical, but there's also an emotional piece that is humans are craving for and this is true of men and women alike. Because if you look at the happiest couples, you look at the happiest couples, they all say the same thing. They are with their best friend. The person they're with are their best friends. So I want you to think about this. What's it feel like to be with your best friend? I think one of the most important feelings is you feel comfortable with this person. By the way, I'll talk to about how to get there in a second. You feel comfortable with this person and more importantly, you feel safe enough to say almost anything to your best friend. You call up your best friends all the time when you're feeling sad, you call your best friends when you're feeling happy, when you wanna share joys in your life about your children or about your job or about even exercise, whatever it is that brings you joy, you talk to your best friends. And yet today we are feeling this emotional famine going on on a connective level. And this is true of relationships alike because there's a hyper focus on chemistry and romance that connects two people together. And yet once they start to realize that they're not compatible with one another, they start moving apart. So how do we change this narrative going forward? That's what I wanna talk about for the next few minutes. Folks, in the dating process, I highly recommend reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Why? This is the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. I have women emailing me, I mean again and again, every week I'm getting emails from women saying, Jonathan, I did, I took your advice. The man I'm dating right now we're reading this book together and it's actually bringing the two of them closer together. Can you believe that? Because it's conversations that make us, in the movie The Matrix Four, there's a line in the movie that says, ideas are the new sexy. And what I like about that is conversations are the new sexy. But these days, most people's conversation is so benign on their phones. It's just so rote. It's not deeper. So how are we gonna go deeper? Well, folks, I'm here to say, most men aren't thinking about these things. It's just men are winging it. They're winging it, they're winging it. In fact, you ladies are just as clueless as well because I gotta tell you, women have come to my private coach and I asked them, what do they want in a relationship? And they go, what, what, what, what, what, what? And then after my program, they rewrite it out and they go, oh my God, I had no idea. I was so clueless. So just because you want a relationship and you can spout out, well, I want this, this, this and this, that's not how it works. You actually have to figure out the mechanics of how to get there. So I wanna talk about a book that's really life-changing and the book is How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis. Barbara DeAngelis for years have done workshops for men and women alike. And I'm here to suggest, this is a great book to check out because it gives you the mechanics of how to build deeper intimacy with one another, emotional intimacy with one another. And many of you ladies, just because, like I said in previous videos, just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're really connected with your feelings. Back, did you know, speaking of Star Trek, speaking of space, I was watching a short video. This is important to listen to. The reason why they chose test pilots to be astronauts is because they continually put them through stressful situations so they can navigate their emotions. They're constantly stressing the people out so that when they're, and they're from a lot of testing, so they can regulate their emotions. And that, and by the way, John Glenn, when he orbited the earth, his heartbeat never went above 100. Think about that. I mean, my heartbeat would have been 400 beats a minute being shot up in space. He never went above 100 beats per minute. And that's what the average high blood pressure person is experiencing these days. So think about, it was about regulating emotions. In other words, these highs and lows, and this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work as a vaccination to emotional chaos. By the way, there's a link below to get my book and all my recommended books. So, folks, stop being so naive and listen. I know you're listening to a lot of dating rhetoric that's all based on attraction and just those first couple of dates. But you have to look at this long-term, not short-term. It's, and by the way, most short-term dating advice is game-playing. It's not being emotional, it's not being vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. It's all about, you know, did the guy pay for the valet? And if he didn't pay for the valet, you should dump him. Or I just heard dating advice, you're gonna die when you hear this. A woman is giving dating advice to women to right before a first date, create a conflict situation just to see how he handles it. And like by canceling the date at the last minute, just to see that, I was like, holy shit, that's advice, that's manipulation, that's game-playing. Did you know the main cause of relationship breaks up? Breakups are contempt, criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, did you know that? So how are we gonna avoid that going forward? Well, look, it's going to require a bit more work. And that's why I recommend two more books right now. I recommend just to get a sense of it, your emotional IQ, read Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, read this. But more importantly, I want you to pick up this book. I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. This teaches you how to communicate better with your partner and don't be naive, this whole chemistry will solve everything. Or it requires going deeper and this is why I wanna finish with this thought. I believe couples who actually are mindful about their relationship. So I want you to think of a relationship, there's a you, there's a me, and then there's a we over here. It's a separate entity. When you can actually be mindful of the separate entity, I wanna encourage folks right now to go to couples workshops, to go to couples workshops together, roughly six months into the relationship. But Jonathan, my guy is going to be turned off by that. Really, a guy who's genuinely serious about improving your relationship, why would he get turned off? But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit my thumb in an energy and let him call me. Remember I said earlier, men are rather clueless at this. Ladies, you tend to be more of the emotional container of the relationship. So I'm in, and if he really genuinely cares about you, and this is the last piece I wanna talk about, that's critically important. Because if you want him to see you as the most important person in the universe, the world, whatever, then this relationship needs to have trust. And trust isn't about fidelity per se. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my feelings? Can I trust this person with my life? Let's go that far. Can I trust this person that they have my best interest at hands? And if you're not at that level in your relationship right now, then check out these two short, simple books, How to Build Trust in a Relationship and Couples Communication Guide to Love and Happiness. These are really thin books, but it'll give you some ideas of how to build this together because folks, we are in a whole different world, and these devices have made it complicated. We are in a whole different world. The days of our basic needs aren't as important as our emotional needs. And why do couples break up? Like I said before, contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. That's because these humans haven't been able to regulate their emotions like John Glenn did, traveling the earth. And it's time to shift the narrative. That's what my channel is all about. That's the advice I'm giving. Is this making sense? Is this sinking in? If it is, please post a comment and say, yes, this is making sense, Jonathan. Yes, this is making a difference. I wanna hear this because I wanna spread this message to everybody. Please like this video, please share this video so we can stop this stupid dating rhetoric that's all based on, I said before, I know I have a heart on for this, but did he pay for the valet? And if he didn't, you should not go out with him. That's just terrible advice because we're not getting to the heart of a relationship. We're all focused, many people are focused on the surface and material parts of the relationship. And I wanna invite everyone to go deeper so you can have that emotional safety, that emotional intimacy. You're not experiencing the intimacy famine because you're actually communicating with one another. Can I get an amen? All right, folks, I think you get the gist of where I'm going, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. As always, I'm gonna wrap up my video the way I always do. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, here's a teddy bear, and give either them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye, bye, bye.