 The year they died already, 2nd of March 2021, one day after my suicide happened. I feel lost, I feel more alone than I have in a long time. Yesterday I tried to kill myself. Ever since I was a little kid I've always felt like I let down. Every day I wake up knowing I'm not enough for my family that I'm not the person my mom wishes I was. My flaws and mistakes that all people take their off. I have good grades, I don't smoke, I'm 19 months sober, I don't drink, I don't do anything that could land me in trouble. I'm still not good enough, I don't think I will ever be enough. One day I made a decision to end my life because I know I'm not good enough and I never will be good enough. I never meet other's expectations. I've fallen for it so far down in my depression that I can't blame myself. I'm a disappointment to everyone and I don't need to be reminded of that. Written the 2nd of March 2021. Thanks. Hi it's Lydia, can you love me by hand?