 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jimmy Wallington. Due to the illness of Miss Joan Crawford, our adaptation of The Damned Don't Cry, scheduled for this evening, has been postponed. Screen Directors Playhouse, Stars, Marlena Dietrich, John Lund, Lucille Ball, Production, A Foreign Affair, Director, Billy Wilder. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama. Brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has, for you, mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. By the makers of Anison, for fast relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Tonight the Screen Directors Playhouse is pleased to present the sound of love and laughter. Here are Lucille Ball, Marlena Dietrich and John Lund, starring in our adaptation of an adventure in comedy named A Foreign Affair. And now, Mr. Crosby, if you please. Now here's Chesterfield's answer to Cyrano de Bergerac, Bob Hope. I'd top easy, Dad, but we only have a minute here to sell Chesterfield. Okay, well, let's get to it. Better tasting Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines, for you, mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste. The mildness is a cinch to prove. You just make the Chesterfield mildness test. You know, open a pack and enjoy that milder aroma, then smoke them, and you'll know that Chesterfield's a mild. And Chesterfield leaves no unpleasant aftertaste. That fact has been confirmed by the country's first and only cigarette taste panel. So make our cigarette your cigarette. The reasons go together like this. Chesterfield, Chesterfield always takes first place. That milder mild tobacco never leaves our aftertaste. Oh, open a pack and give them a smell, then you'll smoke them. Now, the first act of a foreign affair starring John Lund and Marlene Dietrich in their original roles of Captain John Pringle and Erika von Schlutto and Lucille Ball as Phoebe Frost. In all the world, there's only one thing more awesome than a visiting congressman. And that is a visiting congresswoman. With this, we give you Miss Phoebe Frost, bound for Berlin aboard an American transport plane. Prim, Miss Phoebe Frost. Immersed in the note, she is carefully writing into a prim black book, which she holds primly propped on a large cake box. There are three and one-quarter women for every man in Berlin. I wonder what they do with a quarter of a woman. Probably save her for the quarter, Master Sergeant. Congresswoman Frost, we're approaching Berlin. Yes, Congressman Giffin, I know. Well, don't you want to see the ruins? Must I remind the chairman of our committee that this is not a sightseeing tour? We're here to investigate the morale of United States troops. My, my, look at that wreckage. What a horrible sight. Not nearly so horrible as a sight of an American boy fraternizing with a German woman. I've heard of those things. What the American Army needs is more setting up exercises. When we land, I assure you, Congressman, that I shall explore the situation thoroughly. Phoebe Frost is a relentless foe of fraternization. Colonel Blummer, the honor guard is formed. Thank you, Captain Pringle. Appli! Lieutenant Lee, you look despondent. You'll have to smile for the Congressman. Oh, it seems German dames, Pringle. Lieutenant Trudy, the fireball froline. What happened? I lost it. Oh, you run out of candy bars? A Russian sergeant came along with a pound of rancid butter. Oh, you're, you're an amateur, Lee. I wouldn't be afraid of a Russian general with a ton of caviar. Take a look at these. Here, in my pocket. Highlines? Where'd you get them? Black markets. For Erica. Yeah? Well, you're gonna get into trouble messing around with that high voltage nightclub singer. Erica found Schluter wouldn't harm a baby. Not till I put pants on. They say she used to run around with a lot of those big shot Nazis. Rumors, rumors, jealous rumors. There's plum on his toes. Colonel's gonna make with a speech. Once more, gentlemen. It is our honor and privilege to turn out at this airfield with a brass band and welcome a visiting committee. This time it's to investigate our morale. It seems back home they've got an idea that this is one great big picnic. That all we do is swing in hammocks with beautiful blonde fowl lines and swap cigarettes for castles on the ride. Now this committee's gonna be here for five days. I'm counting on you men to behave, period. Now I see our guests have arrived. Where's Colonel Plummer? I'm Colonel Plummer. Congressman Giffin, may I extend the enthusiastic welcome of the American military government? Well, as chairman of this committee, permit me to bring you greetings from the people of the United States. These are my colleagues. Congressman Penecott. Salvatore. Cross. And this is Congresswoman Phoebe Frost. From Iowa, the ninth district of Iowa. Colonel Plummer, I came here hoping to find an army taking its task seriously. Instead, I find a military band. What, no drum majorettes? We had some, but we sent them back to the barracks. They forgot to shave. This is scarcely a jesting matter, Colonel. Perhaps we can discuss it at lunch. May I carry that box for you? No, no, thank you. I undertook to deliver it to a Captain John Pringle here in Berlin. I don't suppose you could tell me where to find him. I could try. Captain Pringle. Oh, is he here? Captain Pringle reporting, sir. Congresswoman Frost. This is Captain Pringle. This is for you, Captain. Happy birthday. Uh, birthday? Yes, it's a cake. Oh, my birthday. Oh, I'd forgotten. It came all the way from Murdoch, Iowa. Wow, wow, wow, wow. My old home state. Uh, how is good old Iowa? 67% Republican, thank you. I was entrusted with this cake by the daughter of one of my constituents. Open it. Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Well, what do you know? Isn't that sweet love from Dusty? In pink and white icing. Isn't that nice, Colonel? Picky goo. Oh, great kid, Dusty. I sure miss her. Don't you ever get any leave? Oh, I don't want any leave. What? Oh, well, that is personal feelings don't matter. Winning the peace, you know. That's fine, but... Captain Pringle. Yes, ma'am? That thing hanging out of your pocket. It looks like... It is. It's nylon. A woman stalking Captain Pringle. Oh, I guess my garter snapped. Colonel Plummer, do your officers usually go about looking like the hosiery counter at Macy's? Oh, well, my mother sent me these. Just got them today. And that burnt brown color just matches your personality. Yes. I mean, no, no. They're a present for Dusty. Why, Captain Pringle, how thoughtful. And now here you are with a birthday cake all alone. Oh, they'll be my buddies. Oh. We'll open a case of root beer and light the candles, sing some old songs. It'll be just like good old Iowa, almost. May I say that if you're a sample of the Army spirit, I feel better already. Oh, I'm a sample, all right. Goodbye, Miss Frost. Goodbye. Captain, look at that cake. When are we going to eat it? Eat it? Well, you crazy? I'm going back to the black market and parlay this pastry into something a lot more useful. What's that, John? A mattress, Lee. A mattress. You up there. That's my signal. Come on, Erica, throw down that key. Thank you. Okay, mattress. Come with daddy. Yes, you great big gorgeous blonde doll. Peel my forehead. I got frowline fever. Don't hold me so tight, Johnny. Why are you so mean to me? Listen, you man-manus, I worry about you. I bring you presents and you tell me I'm... Presents? Where, Johnny? Where? Hey, hey, get out of my pocket. You're tickling me. Oh, stockings. They're so sheer and so beautiful. Sure. I brought you another present. Where, Johnny? What is it? A mattress. A real mattress. Now I can sleep. No mattress will help you sleep. What you Germans need is a new conscience. Oh, I have a very good conscience. I have a new fear now. I have you. Hi, Johnny. You hire me once more, sweetheart, and I'll knock your teeth in. How, Johnny? With a kiss? Like this? Hmm. Your mother was a volcano and your father was a blowtorch. Captain Fringon. My new mattress. What good will it be for me if they put me in a labor camp? Picking up rubble. Oh, they wouldn't dare. You'd singe the bricks. I wasn't really a Nazi. Yeah, I know. That's what the duty officer told him in headquarters when he took your name off the labor list. Signed your papers. Johnny, does that mean I'll be free? I won't have to do these terrible things for the army. Only for the part of the army named Pringle. The duty officer cleared you. But who was he, this duty officer? Me. Johnny, you could get into trouble. I got into trouble the day I met you. Now, let's see you turn on that flamethrower again. If you suffer from pains of headaches, neuritis, or neuralgia, you should discover what many thousands have known for years, that anison brings incredibly fast, effective relief. Anison is like a doctor's prescription. That is, anison contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients and easy to take tablet form. Probably at some time you've received an envelope containing anison tablets from your physician or dentist. Thousands of people have been introduced to anison this way. Try anison yourself the next time you suffer from the pains of a headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. You'll be delighted at how quickly relief can come. Anison is spelled A-N-A-C-I-N. Your druggist has anison in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets, and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100 for your medicine cabinet. Ask for anison today. Here is Act 2 of the Screen Directors Playhouse presentation of a foreign affair, starring Lucille Ball, Marlene Dietrich, and John Lund. As chairman of this congressional committee, I wish to thank Colonel Plummer and his staff for this pleasant and educational luncheon. Now, duty calls. If, uh, if you gentlemen and Miss Frost will just go along with Lieutenant Lee here, he has arranged a tour of the area for you. Well, thank you very much. Right this way, please. Oh, visiting congressman. Why aren't they out somewhere investigating a crap game? Colonel Plummer. What the di- Oh, it's you, Miss Frost. Well, you'd better run along or you'll miss the tour. For an Iowa woman, a guided tour is like a man with an apartment. They both want to take you where you don't want to go. Uh, just, what is it you want, Miss Frost? Colonel Plummer, driving over here on the streets of Berlin, I was shocked to see American soldiers walk right up and speak to German women without an introduction. Well, evidence to Betsy. This is a serious matter. What do you intend to do? Personally investigate the morals of the whole United States Army? I haven't got the strength. I couldn't possibly. Colonel Plummer, you've given me an idea. Oh, now, wait a minute, please. For the honor and glory of the United States. I am going out and get myself picked up. Then advice this city is, a girl walks her feet off and she can't even get into trouble. Hey, frow lies. Really? Two of them. What do I do now? Look, a rove, Joe, a very tasty dish. Hiya, strudel. Maybe she don't like GIs. What do you mean maybe she don't like GIs? Show her a candy bar. Ja. Tonsenmarken? Kills me. All she can say is Ja. Your name? Ja. Gretchen what? Gretchen, Gesundheit. Gretchen, what a sneeze. How do you like these bandits? Dices, five packs of cigarettes for a lousy bottle of wine. Yeah. Dices, Eine, Kleine, a clip joint. Know what Germany needs? More cigarettes for you and me. Maybe we ought to write them donut heads in Congress. Why, you? What did you say, strudel? Ja. You could run for Congress yourself, back home. Reaching high. Build on sad. A touch of paradise. A spell you can't explain. Or in this crazy paradise. Want to buy some illusions. Slightly used. Just like you. Such romantic illusions. And they are all. Yes, she looks very sad. So does a bloodhound, but it bites. Now, let's stay out of sight. I don't want her to see me. That's the kind of pastry that makes you drool on your bib. You know what I say? She was right up there with them major league Nazis. The Goebbelsguller, Gehrings, one of them anyway. How does she get away with it? She hooked herself up with some big army brass. Are you supposed to spank certain dance? Come on, Gretchen. Gretchen, loosen up. Don't you know how to dance? That cake. What did you say? That's the cake I brought from Iowa. The cake on the table. Gretchen, what are you saying? Let go of me, you big ape. I happen to be a congresswoman of the United States. Oh, brother, let me out. Birthday present. This cake is confiscated. Oh, Captain Pringle. So, this is what happened to my cake. What do you know about this? Well, it was stolen from my jeep in the Brandenburg Gate area, Miss Frost. Oh. You know, the black market? Yes. I traced the cake here, but don't you trouble yourself, Miss Frost. Oh, no, no, no. Where is my notebook? There. Now, what exactly is the name of this rat trap? Why, uh, the, uh, Laura Lie. The Laura Lie. What is the name of that woman? Woman? What woman? The singer here. Oh, oh, that woman. Well, let me see now if I can place her. I think it's, um, uh, um, Ericka, something like that. Ericka what? Ericka von Schlutow. How do you spell it? With the noob, love. I thought so. How does it? Even her name is subversive. That's why I ask you to this conference. When we moved into Germany, we found a country of open graves and closed hearts. We've tried to turn it into a civilized state. It's a tough, thankless, lonely job. Oh, sure, sure, some of us get out of line occasionally. But, but remember this. For the first time in history, you're asking the same generation of soldiers to be both valorous and wise. Well, as chairman of this committee, Colonel, let me tell you we understand. Yes, sir, we certainly do. I don't. What? I know Ms. Frost. You're from Iowa. What about the GIs, concerning with frawlines and wide-open, shameless, black market nightclubs, dives where they serve bootleg birthday cake? What about a strudel named Erika Von Schluto, who works, if that is the word for it, at a dive called the Lorelei? How could I— I, pardon me, please. Did you say Erika Von Schluto? I did. I'm sorry, but I must ask you to drop this particular matter. Ha! You're hiding something, Colonel Plummer. There are some things which must be left to the discretion of the military. The last time someone tried to gag me, Colonel, he tried it with a mink coat in the middle of winter. I'd just like you to know, he got five years and I got pneumonia. Uh, is that for me? Yes, Captain Pringle. I simply cannot get myself to trust anybody in uniform. Oh, no, Miss Frost. That is anybody but you. Me? Yes, and Captain, I need your help. I want some data about Fraulein Von Schluto. Oh, you mean her? Oh, her, yeah, yeah. Have you checked up on her file? Well, uh, I'll tell you about that. It's all a mistake. Might as well forget the whole thing. Want to pop some corn or something? We will not forget it, Captain Pringle. I have procured these two photographs from the signal core file. Well, let's see. Well, this one is just a picture of Hans Otto Birgel, big man in the Gestapo, has a girl on his arm, Erica Von Schluto. Well, that's nothing. Erica! You say he was an important party member? What? Oh, well, so-so. Look at the way she's holding on to him. Well, maybe she doesn't know him. Maybe she had a dizzy spell and the first thing she could catch was his elbow. Where is Hans Otto Birgel now? Oh, he's dead. He killed himself. I see. And this other picture. Just look at who's kissing her hand. Well, he's got a little moustache. He looks like Hitler. Hitler himself. This woman who entertains our boys was a major Nazi. Yes. Well, well, I'll see that she discontinues her appearances as an entertainer. Will that be satisfactory? It will not. Oh, I won't, huh? It's common talk that some American army officer is protecting that woman. It's him that I want. So you, uh, you think you'll... you'll find him? Of course. The only way he can see her is by visiting her. She can't come to him. Oh, you're so right. Therefore, to catch him, we've got to watch her place. Oh, that's a smart idea. I'll watch it myself, personally, night and day. No, we'll watch it together, the two of us. We will? I want to face that man and expose him. If necessary, I'll go to the general. Oh, no, not the general. I will. And to the war department. Oh, no. And to the president. And if he doesn't do it, I'll see Margaret. Now, here's a word from RCA Victor. Inch for inch. Your best buy in television is RCA Victor 19 inch. Yes, a great many families have taken this advice to heart and bought the thrilling RCA Victor 19 inch. Truly the most exciting buy in television. When you buy television, remember that the set you choose will be the very hub of your home for years to come. So select the screen size you'll really want most. The bigger and better RCA Victor 19 inch pictures are the just right size for family viewing. Big enough to watch from across the room. And yet so clear and sharp, you can sit up close. That's RCA Victor's million proof quality for you. Quality proven in over two million homes. Your dealer can show you RCA Victor 19 inch television in a table model, a console floor model, or a combination television radio phonograph. See them. Learn why inch for inch, your best buy in television is RCA Victor 19 inch. You are listening to the Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste, the best cigarette for you to smoke. By the makers of Anison, for faster relief from the pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. The Screen Directors Playhouse presentation of a foreign affair starring Marlena Dietrich, John Lund, and Lucille Ball will continue in just a moment after a brief pause for station identification. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse. We continue with the third act of a foreign affair starring Marlena Dietrich and John Lund with the original roles of Erika Von Schluto and Captain John Pringle and Lucille Ball as Phoebe Frost. Captain John Pringle is suffering. Captain John Pringle has been carrying on with Erika Von Schluto. Captain John Pringle has been trapped by Congresswoman Phoebe Frost in a tracking himself down. And so far into the Berlin night, Pringle and Phoebe sit in a jeep outside of Erika's bomb-shattered apartment and Pringle suffers. Oh, it's after curfew. It's a sin she won't be coming tonight. I see that you had very little experience in affairs of this type. They work on a 24-hour basis. Okay, let's come back in 24 hours. Please, Captain, you're sure there are no back stairs to the apartment? Lady, there isn't even a back wall. Well, she is waiting for somebody or she wouldn't leave the lights on. Maybe she's putting up pickled peaches. Not her. Oh, pickled peaches. Golly, but I bet you sure miss Iowa. What? Oh, sure, sure. Great little state. No morale problems there. We had the lowest juvenile delinquency rate in the country until two months ago. What happened? A little boy in Des Moines took a blowtorch to his mother. We fell clear back to 16th place. Well, those things do happen. Oh, golly, I'm sleepy. Look out for that horn. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that did it. What was that? Crickets. Key. Whatever for? Apparently, the man honks the horn. That's the signal. Come on, hide. Oh, that's my goose. Are you a Johnny? Did she say Tommy? No, Johnny. His name is Johnny. Oh, well, there's lots of Johnny's in the Army. But this eliminates all the gyms, bobs, and Georges. Is that her perfume, I smell? Oh, that's my goose cooking. Hello, Johnny. Don't. Don't. Captain. Don't know who you're referring to, and this lady with me is Congresswoman Frost of the Congress of the United States. You are Erica Vansoluto? I am. We have reason to believe you are consorting with some member of our armed forces. What gives you that idea? The key you dropped. That was for the milkman. Miss Vansoluto, if you please. She wears no lipstick. And what a curious way to do her hair. Oh, brother. Are you now, or have you ever been, connected with a member of the armed forces of the United States? If so, what is his name? Perhaps if she changed the line of her eyebrows a little. I'm sorry, Miss Frost, but I don't know what you're talking about. Good night. Good night, Captain. Whatever your name is. Well, that's that. Let's call it a night, huh? I suppose I do look awful. No, no, no, you don't. We were only allowed 60 pounds of luggage. I didn't bring any makeup. Oh, never let another woman tell you how you look. They always hit you in the face below the belt. No lipstick. Ask a man. No mascara either. Well, I think you look charming in a... windblown sort of way. You're just saying that to be nice. Oh, no, no, really. You're very sweet. Captain, now getting back to that woman. The man behind her must be really important. Important enough to cover up for her. Oh, I don't know. You read stories like this every day in the papers? That's it. Papers. The man must have signed her papers. Oh, no. Find the file. Find the signature on her papers, and we found our man. Solution. Here's the shootout. Anton, Emel, Frist, Gottfried. No, Erika. No, Erika? Oh, that's too bad. Well, let's go, huh? Gotta write my mother a letter. I could have sworn. Captain Pringle. It's Erika Von Schluto. Von. It's under Von. Oh, no. That's silly. Like O'Brien. You wouldn't look under B. You'd look under O. All right. Let's look under O. Under B. Must be here. Von Resnicek. Von Rudeschheim. Did it ever occur to you that there might be some extenuating circumstances? This man is making a mockery of his country's uniforms. Von Saum. Von Salzburg. Suppose you stop playing detective and ask yourself why he skidded off the road. Von Sandburg. Why? I'll tell you. No moral break. Sure. He's going too fast. Only during the war, he couldn't go fast enough. Get on that beach head. Get through those tank traps. Speed. Lots of it. Then the war is over, and you expect him to ram on those brakes and stop like that. Yes, Captain Pringle. Just like that. Well, maybe he needs a little affection. Why would you know about that, Congresswoman Frost? Yes, I know about that. It might interest you to know that I was in love once. Oh, not really. He was a Southern Democrat. One night, he drove me home, and he put his arms around me, and he said he yearned for my lips. And then he did a terrible thing. What? He tried to sway my vote. What did you do? I did what any decent American girl would do. I filibustered. Filibustered? I just kept talking. Poems and things. You know, the midnight ride of Paul Revere. I got through it twice. He was disillusioned, and I was very hoarse. Well, we still haven't found her file. Van Schloss, Van Schlatzing. And I bet you haven't been kissed since. None of your business. Van Schulman, Van... Van Schlutto, Carl Donner. Ah, if it's here, it should be this next... Congresswoman. Close that file. What are you doing? That Southern Democrat isn't the only guy who's yearned for those lips. Captain Pringle, keep away. Don't... Why? You know Nazi. Since when has it been subversive to kiss a Republican? Congresswoman. You're a lovely woman, and you're gonna be kissed. Listen, listen, listen, my children, and you shall hear... Forget children. Forget children. Think about men. The midnight ride of Paul Revere? Congresswoman, darling, I'm asking for the floor. Oh, oh. On the 18th of April in 75... I demand the floor. Hardly a man is now alone. Hmm. You're entirely out of order. Objection overruled. Oh, John... Come on. Let's get out of here. I know where there's a beam of moonlight with your name on it. But the file... Bright moonlight or dusty old files. What shall it be? Oh, moonlight, John, moonlight. Oh, hurry, darling. The hours are running out, and I want to spend every magic moment with you. It's been so long. What has my Kleina Liebling been doing? Your Kleina Liebling has been making charm with the Bloodhound. The Congresswoman? Yep. We're engaged. Engaged? Yep. We sat and held hands and whistled China on Harvest Moon. Well, it's better than having my head chopped off. I didn't know you were in that deep. What deep? How deep? Why didn't you tell me about you in Hans Otto Birgel? He's dead. You and that fear of yours. Kissing your hand. A little jerk. Don't talk like that. Why not? How much of a Nazi were you, anyway? Johnny, don't be cross. I love you very much. Now, isn't that nice? I want to go to America with you. I want to climb the Statue of Liberty. You want to get down in that basement at Fort Knox? Johnny, I've got some vodka and I had the pornograph fixed. Sorry, I got a date. Date? With my fiancée. I have to keep the stars in her eyes until she leaves tomorrow. But you'll come tomorrow night, Johnny. Yeah, I guess so. So long now. My lovely illusion, some fall off, some fall off. Every new champagne could taste so good. But why did you insist on coming to the Lorelei? Oh, Johnny, it's our last night. I wanted to have some fun. Yeah, yeah, sure. I don't know whether it's a champagne, but I'm absolutely dizzy with happiness. Before, I was just drifting on the Gracie all alone. And nowhere comes a boat so unexpected, all white sails on the horizon to you. Oh, cut it out. Someday you might find out I'm not so beautiful. Oh, look, it's Ms. Vansoluto. May I join you? No. Oh, no. Thank you. Have you made any progress tracking down that man? What man? My man. Oh, a little progress, but I don't care very much about your man because of my man. Isn't he beautiful? More champagne, darling. Oh, Phoebe, please. When are you leaving Berlin, Ms. Frost? Tomorrow night. This is our last night together. What a shame. He'll be so lonely without you. No, he won't. He'll think about me. About his little Phoebe, won't you? Oh, sure I will. Poor, poor boy. Johnny. Lee, what are you doing here? Colonel Plum is yelling for you. John, I don't want you to go. What does he want? I don't know, but you better get to his office before he pops his buttons. Oh, of all the times. Come on, Phoebe. I shall be very pleased to take care of Ms. Frost. Oh, I better take her home. Go on, get going. She'll be all right. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, thanks, Lee. Captain Pringle reporting, sir. Don't point that lipstick at me. Yes, sir. Now, listen, passionflower. I'm going to blow the whistle on you. Yes, sir. Pringle, I honestly think you have as good a war record as any man in this town. You've been on the first team ever since Normandy. And I know you were among the first ten men across the Romagant Bridge. I also know why you were in such a hurry. Well, that's a long story, sir. So is this Erika von Schluto. Captain Pringle, we've been wise to you and her all along. Sir, you peaked. We also know that you've been playing a double bill with the lady from Iowa. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave her out of this. Oh, you would, huh? Captain, you're to stay away from that certain party. Strictly off-limits, you understand? Oh, sure. That was over anyway. Climbing those stairs was beginning to get me. Now, just a minute. Get it straight. You're to stay away from the congresswoman. What, Phoebe? But why? Because you're going to pick up the torch for Fraulein von Schluto and lug it again. Lug it in public. Well, what do you know? Did you ever hear of Hans Otto Bergall? Sure. Erika's Nazi boyfriend. He's dead. He's dead. Nothing. He's very much alive. And thanks to you, he's kicking. What have I got to do with it? Plenty. Someone tipped him off that his girl has been seen around with an American officer. Not about it. That only... Oh. Oh. Yes. I'm happy to say that he's just about due to come out and kill you both. That's cute. A shotgun wedding. Now, go on back and fan those flames, Romeo. Stick around the Fraulein until Bergall shows up. Our men will see that you have adequate protection. Any other questions? Yeah. Why did I ever join the Army? Sit down, Miss Frost. But you still haven't told me why you asked me to your apartment. It's very simple. I want my man. The American officer? You're still a little drunk, and maybe that's good. Because this is a beastly thing I'm going to do. You must understand what has happened to us here. We've all become animals with exactly one instinct left. Self-preservation has been a life of misery. But now I've found a man and threw him a roof and a job and food. And I'm not going to lose him. Why tell all this to me? Because you want the same man. What? What did you say? Here, take my handkerchief. You'll need it. You... you mean John? He's such a nice boy, really. He's hated what he's done to you, you know? He comes here so miserable and so sorry for you. It couldn't be. Not John. But it is. One moment, darling. I don't want him to see me. I'm afraid it's too late now. Just sit over there in the corner. Hello? What's the matter? No kiss for your little shrine-hunt? Oh, I'm sorry I had to show up with a lower-lie with that Congress name, but she doesn't mean a thing. Nothing, Johnny? Just laughs. Come on, break out that vodka. You're a very funny man, Captain Pringle. I'm sorry. So am I. Not for myself. For you. Colonel Plummer, I can't go through with this. I'm sorry, Captain. That's how it is. I know it's tough on you, but we can't afford to let Bergle slip out of the net now. It's not me. It's Miss Frost. I told you what happened last night. Sorry. But why can't I straighten things out with her? According to our information, Bergle is coming out of his raffle tonight. So you're spending your time with Froline Von Schluto with a lower-lie club. Hello, Sergeant. You all right? Sure. Like a clay pigeon. We think we've spotted Bergle. Well, then arrest him. We aren't positive it's Bergle. When will you know? When he tries to shoot you. Oh, thank you, Sergeant. You've been very helpful. Don't worry, Captain Pringle. We'll be covering you when Bergle shows. Yeah, with a sheet. See you later. But will I see you? Johnny, I didn't expect to see you at the lower-lie tonight. That makes two of us. Tonight I have a surprise for you. Yeah? What is it? Oh, leaving my numbers coming up. I've got a surprise for you, so is mine. Tonight I'll try a new way of doing it. I will sing in the dark. No lights. Hey, you can't do that. But it's so effective, Johnny. There. See? The lights are out. Oh, brother. Nice and dark, Johnny. Clear. Give me your hand while I sing. Oh, make it fast, baby. Get those lights on again. Want to buy some illusions. Slightly used. Second hand. They wear lovely illusions. Reaching high. Don't move, Captain, and don't turn around. What? What, Captain? A gun. Captain, allow me to introduce myself. Hans Otto Bergle. How do you do? She sings beautifully, doesn't she? Listen, Captain. Yes, pain, Captain. Pain as I have known, as you too shall know. Very soon. It won't work, Bergle. But it will accomplish her death and yours. Listen to her. If she finishes her song, Captain, the lights will go on, and we can't have that. Neither you nor she shall see the lights again. You loved her, Captain. Now, die with her music in your ears. Oh, fiend! You wanted to see me. Yes. Yes, there's something I want to talk to you about. A Captain named Pringle. Please, Colonel Plummer, I don't want to hear it. There's not much to be said in his defense. But there is this. He isn't enjoying his little romance with Froland von Schlutto. I'm not listening. Miss Frost, Captain Pringle has been acting as a decoy to trap Froland von Schlutto's old boyfriend. Hans Otto Bergle? Yes, he's alive. You mean John was acting under orders? It had to be that way after he met you. You see, pardon me. Colonel Plummer. Yes, I've been waiting for the call from the military police. Well, when did it happen? Any particulars? Right, I'm leaving now. Miss Frost, you'd better come along with me. There's been a shooting at the Lorelei Club. John? I don't know. Let's find out. This is it. Come on. Lieutenant, where is he? Under that sheet, sir. Dead. You wait here, Miss Frost. I'll have a look. Who plugs right through the kisser? Right through the... Oh, she's fainted. No sense of humor. Where's Pringle? Pringle! Right here, sir. You all right? He dropped Berger with his first shot. Shucks, Captain. Don't give me all the credit. The other boys got in there two bits worth, too. Well, Pringle, you'd better attend to that congresswoman of yours. She's fainted. Phoebe? Here? Right over there. Now, Lieutenant, how about, uh, Froland von Schludo? The MP's bringing her now. Are you crazy? Leaving her with those poor, defenseless boys? Go get it! Yes, sir. Come on, von Schludo. You got a von date with a pile of von bricks. Colonel Plummer? Colonel Plummer? Are you that wonderful Colonel Plummer I heard so much about? Uh... Yes. Only most of the time they call me delicious. Take her away, Corporal. Come on, sister. Colonel, can you take me to my apartment while I change? I guess so. Come on, Corporal. You, sergeant. Yes, sir? Go along with the Corporal. Watch him. I sure will, sir. You, platoon sergeant. Yes, sir? You follow them. Watch out for those two guys. Yes, sir. It's a pleasure. Colonel Plummer? Yes, Lieutenant? I was just thinking, sir. So was I. You watch them. Like a hawk. Come to think of it, I'd better watch him. What happened? You must have fainted, darling. He said there were two slugs in your kisser. There ought to be. Oh, no. I'm sorry about everything, except the time with you. John, help me up. There. John, I love you. Oh, no. Not me. I'm a heel. Certified. Got papers to prove it. John, come here, John. Oh, no, no, listen, Phoebe, listen. Listen. Listen to my children and you shall hear it. Forget children. Think about women. Up the midnight ride of Paul Revere. Captain Pringle, dear. May I have the floor? You're out of order. Everything's out of order. Overruled. I object. To what? Paul Revere's horse just stumbled. Oh, Phoebe, I don't think... Oh, Congresswoman. You're elected. Don't be silly, John. These are just the primaries. And so we've reached the end of our presentation of a foreign affair. Our stars will be back in just a moment with this week's guest director. Next Thursday, the screen director's playhouse promises the gift of laughter when two great comedy stars bring you the sparkling story of Bachelor Mother, directed by Garson Canaan. As for the stars, once again, we'll welcome Lucille Ball, and with her will be Robert Cummings. Now here again at tonight's stars, Lucille Ball, Marlena Dietrich, and John Lund. So here we are, three actors together. Yeah, if everybody blinks their eyes real fast, we can pretend we're a motion picture. What, without a director? That's like trying to make ham and eggs when all you have is ham. Well, we have the egg, too, Lucy, in the person of the director himself. So, ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce the brilliant creator of a foreign affair, the Academy Award-winning director of Lost Weekend, and of this year's nomination for the Academy Award, Sunset Boulevard. Here is Billy Wilder. Thank you very much. I should like to make only two remarks. First, a director is only as good as his story. Since I also wrote a foreign affair with Charles Brackett, you'll see this created no problem whatsoever. And second, a director is only as good as his producer. Since Charles Brackett was also the producer, the whole thing was an inside job and was bound to lead to trouble. It did. We made another picture named Sunset Boulevard. As a result, I hear they're considering a special Academy Award for Charles Brackett, the only writer-producer who ever survived the collaboration with Billy Wilder. Thank you, and good night. A foreign affair was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, whose current release is The Red Head and the Cowboy. Co-starring Glenn Ford, Edmond O'Brien, and Rhonda Fleming. John Lund will soon be seen co-starring with Gene Tierney in the Paramount Picture, The Mating Season, whose sealed ball can currently be seen in the Columbia Picture, The Fuller Brush Girl. Marlena Dietrich will soon be seen in the 20th Century Fox production, No Highway. Billy Wilder's latest picture for Paramount, soon to be released, is Ace in the Hole, starring Kirk Douglas with Jan Sterling. Included in tonight's cast were Wally Mayer, Sam Edwards, Dan Riss, Henry Rowland, Herb Beigren, and Gil Stratton Jr. A foreign affair was adapted for radio by Richard Allen Simmons. The Screen Directors Playhouse is produced by Howard Wiley and directed by Bill Karn. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking, and inviting you to listen again next Thursday when we present Bachelor Mother, starring Robert Cummings and Lucille Ball with Screen Director Garson Canan. You'll never forgive yourself if you missed the Theatre Guild on the Air this Sunday on NBC. Tune in at the usual time for an immortal hour and a half long performance of Shakespeare's Hamlet by the great John Gilgood with Dorothy McGuire and Pamela Brown. Listen again next week to Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama. Listen tomorrow evening to the one and only Duffy Stavren, the Friday night feature of the All-Star Festival. William Bendix lives the life of Riley tomorrow night on NBC.