 As you can see, this video is a little different. It's not a hair video or a tutorial or anything. In this video, I'm going to be talking about my first three months as a new mom. He is now six months. However, the first three months were a lot different than it is now. I was pretty much debating on whether or not I should do this video because I don't want anything to be taken the wrong way or get misinterpreted. However, it is my truth and at the end of the day, if I could inspire anybody by telling my story or help them in any way, I am all for that. The first thing that I learned is that no amount of advice or tips can prepare you for motherhood. Because, quite frankly, it's not a one-size-fit-all situation at all. Everybody is going to experience something different. Every baby is different. Every mother is different. And what may have worked for you may not work for me and vice versa. When my son was born, of course I was overjoyed. I was happy. I was pretty much obsessed with my son. I barely wanted him to leave my side. If you watched my birthday video, you know I had him at home with a midwife. So, pretty much he was by my side from the time he was born. But despite all of the great wonderful feelings that comes along with being a mother, it was also very hard. And it was hard mostly because I made it hard on myself. One of the main mistakes I think I made was I, leading up to, before I gave birth, I watched a lot of YouTube videos with new moms giving tips and tricks and took in a lot of advice. And I took it serious. I thought that I had to stick to it. I had to do that. And that's not the case. Not everything that people say you should do means that you should actually do it. So, the first month of his life, well fairly the first month of his life, my mom left a few days before he turned one month. She was here and she was very helpful and I'm so grateful because I don't know what I would have done without her. Because quite frankly, I was scared. I had my son and I was just like, I am responsible for this life. I am responsible for this human being and I cannot mess it up. Again, being a new mom, I had no prior experience with raising or taking care of a baby. So, I was so happy that my mother was here to help me and guide me and be that support that I needed. However, on the flip side, I was very hard on myself. There was a lot of tips and advice that I took very seriously and because I wasn't able to follow them, I felt like I was failing as a mother. You know, put the baby on a schedule right away. Put them on a schedule, they'll be used to it and you'll have an easier time. That didn't work for me. I tried and it didn't work for me and because it wasn't working, again, I was hard on myself. Don't co- sleep with him. I don't have a nursery or a crib or anything. We actually only bought a bedside bassinet. He didn't really like to sleep in there. When he was a newborn, he didn't like to sleep in there at all, honestly. He would wake up a lot and end up in the bed with us. I felt guilty. I felt like I had to make him sleep in there. On the flip side, I felt like I'd rather him be able to sleep so he's going to sleep in the bed with me. I was in a tug-of-war with myself and that took a toll on me as well. Set a routine. I was like, oh, I read a lot. Babies love routines. Set a routine. Wake up at this time. Feed him at this time. Give him a bath at this time. Make it a routine so that they always know what to expect. That's not realistic. I mean, if you were able to do it, that's great. Honestly, that's great. But it's not realistic in the sense of that's going to work for everybody. I didn't know that at the time and, again, I was really hard on myself because it just wasn't working for me. Let him cry it out. Exercise his lungs. This is what I really struggled with because in my opinion or from what I observe, a baby is not crying just to cry. They're crying for a reason. What that is because they're hungry, tired, want attention. Wanting attention is a valid reason to cry. They can't talk. They can't verbally communicate with you. Or whether they're uncomfortable, needs a diaper change, whatever the case may be. They're crying for a reason. So this whole cry, let them cry it out thing, I don't agree with it. I don't agree with it now and he's six months. I didn't agree with it back then. However, at the time, I thought that I had to do it and it just didn't feel right. I didn't like it. Honestly, the whole exercise and lung thing, if that's the case, he could exercise his lungs when he's crying because I'm changing his pamper or if he's crying because I'm giving him a bat. You know, crying because I have to do something and he has no choice but to cry through it just because he doesn't like it. That's different than letting him cry it out for no reason. So that's another thing that I was at war with within myself. Then the whole don't spoil him. You know, you pick him up every time he cry or hold him too much or co-steep with him. You know, you're going to spoil him. All of those things I was trying not to do because I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't want to spoil my son. I don't want to ruin him. I have to get this right. There was just a lot of don't do this or do that or don't do that or do this. Like, it was a lot. And I took all of that in very seriously and thought that I had to do it. I had to stick to it. And if I wasn't doing it, I was doing something wrong. That is the worst feeling to have as a new mother to feel like everything you're doing is wrong. And although I didn't verbally talk about it or say it out loud, that's what I was feeling inside at the time. And I didn't have any support to help me combat that feeling because I wasn't communicating it with anybody. And because I wasn't communicating it with anybody I kept it all in. I swear I was on the verge of experiencing postpartum depression. Because there were days that I would just sit in bed and cry and cry and cry and I didn't know why I was crying. I was tired, exhausted. The whole sleep when your baby is asleep, that's something good to do. However, again I was so obsessed with him that if he was sleeping I would just be there laying down watching him half of the time during the day. So the only time I would try to get rest is at night and if he's having a bad night, again I'm up with him. So now I'm sleep deprived, hard on myself, feeling like I'm doing things wrong. All of that took a toll on my body and I was mentally, emotionally and physically drained. Another thing is that I felt very insecure with my new mother body. A lot of people were telling me, oh you're gonna snap right back as soon as you have that baby. Don't worry, I bet you're not even gonna have to exercise. All of this throughout my entire pregnancy, this is what people are telling me. And that made me feel good. I was like okay, that's great. So now I have my child and I'm expecting to snap right back. And I did because I lost everything except for my tummy. So I was feeling insecure about that because in my mind I'm supposed to lose this tummy right away. And I can't. There are women out there that have their baby and literally the next day it looks like they weren't even pregnant. There are women out there like that and that's their experience and that's their truth and that's great. However, I think it's very important to stop telling women or pregnant women that they're gonna snap back just because they were naturally small and petite because now you're getting into their head. And if that doesn't happen once they have their child, you have to keep in mind the emotional damage that's doing to them because one, you're already experiencing all this hormonal imbalance. You already can't do X, Y and Z because you have to heal from the inside. My camera died so now I'm recording on my phone so bear with me. So yeah, I'm struggling with accepting my new body and giving my body time to heal before I start trying to snap back fully. And again, I was hard on myself. Emotionally, I was just not there. I didn't have the emotional support that I needed because I wasn't communicating how I was feeling to anyone, not my fiance, not anybody. And that's my fault. I could say that much. However, I was expecting, especially my fiance to just know and I was wrong on my behalf because he can't read my mind. But I was expecting him to just see that I needed him in a different way at this time in our life. And it took, I never actually talked to him about it. And then I ended up being angry and very short tempered. And it took months before I actually opened up to him and we talked about it and it made our relationship even stronger. But at the time it was so hard because I was dealing with all of these emotions by myself plus the things I had to deal with as a new mother. So there was a few things that like my son went through. First, he had his first diaper rash a few days in. I blamed myself for it because I was like, what am I doing wrong? Am I not changing him enough? Like, what is it? It turns out that he had nothing to do with me not changing him enough because at that time my son would literally nurse shit and I changed him. Nurse shit and I changed him. Like, it was like clockwork. Every time he nursed, he shit. So I would change him right after. And he was nursing almost every two hours or sometimes sooner or whatever. So I blamed myself for that because he was fussy, uncomfortable. If you ever dealt with a baby with a diaper rash, you know that they're not happy. So there were times that he was up crying and I was crying with him and I just felt so bad. I took him to the pediatrician for a diaper rash. And, you know, he just explained to me that, you know, maybe try changing the brand of diapers. But it turns out that was a problem was the brand of diapers that we were using. And again, I blame myself for that because initially I wanted to use clot diapers. But at the time, you know, clot diaper and the initial investment is big. Although it's cheaper in the long run. It is an initial expensive investment and I couldn't do it. We couldn't do it at the time. However, you live when you learn and I know next time I'm going to do better. So he was around two weeks or so. He started to experience gas and colic. Now, if you're, if you've ever had a gassy and colicky baby or you're currently dealing with one, you know that it's not easy. It is hard. It's something that I don't wish on any baby at all because no, any mother because it is very hard. There's literally not much you can do to help them or suit them. I blame myself for that because again, I went googling and reading stuff and they were like, Oh, it could be whatever you're eating, calling, causing him to get gas and colic or whatever. And like, I changed up my entire eating. I stopped eating this, started eating that, like I kept switching it up, switching it up. And it was not making his colic or gassyness go away. And I was expecting it to go away. However, come to find out that there was really nothing I could actually do to make it go away because some babies just has a more sensitive stomach and their digestive system just needs more time to develop outside of the womb. And there's nothing you can do about it except for wait and, you know, give them as much comfort and suit them as much as you can until they grow out of it. And I didn't know that. So I was blaming myself. I was trying to switch up what I was eating, trying to stay away from this or that. Everything that I was reading on the Internet and nothing was making it go away. So there was nice hours up because he's uncomfortable and he's crying and he's in pain. And like, I'm crying with him because I felt like I was feeling him as a mom. Like, I should be able to make this stuff and I can't. So when I finally learned that, you know, he just has to grow out of it. I, you know, started to be less hard on myself and two people recommended this type of bright water because I tried like two of the bright waters previously and it was not working. So this bright water called Collecom was literally the only thing that suited him enough where he was like, okay, of course, it's not something that's going to cure it, it suited him where he was comfortable and he wasn't fussy for long periods of time. So, and it was expensive. It's like a four ounce bottle for like $22. However, I bought it and I bought it and I bought it for as long as I needed it because it was, at that point, it was anything to help him. And thankfully it was natural with no like preservative and artificial coloring and chemicals or anything. So that was the plus. There was times that I literally felt like I was feeling as a mother. I was scared to say that out loud because I'm supposed to get it right. You know what I mean? You hungry? I can't. It wasn't until I threw out all of the advice that I was getting, all of that advice that I was researching out the window that I began to feel better. So the whole get him on a schedule, I threw that out the window. The whole don't co-sleep with him, I threw that out the window. I threw out every single thing. And shout out to my friend Lisa because she told me something that really stuck with me. You know hungry? She told me something that really stuck with me because one day we were texting and I was explaining to her the hard time I was having and how I was feeling and she told me, listen, babies don't get spoiled. Milk does. I'll never forget that. And she was just like, at the end of the day, you know what's best for your son. There's nobody else that can do a better job than you or him. And she told me, she gave me an example that when her son was a baby, she didn't let him cry it out. She didn't do a lot of things that, you know, traditional normal people or other parents or other mothers would do. She picked them up every time he cried. She was always there with him, you know. And he grew into this very strong and independent young man or young boy because I think he's not even a teenager yet. So I took that and I would say that's the best piece of advice that anybody had given me because it was only then that I felt I started to feel better about myself. So I did whatever I had to do to comfort my child. I did whatever I had to do to make him feel good and help him sleep through the night and help me sleep through the night and that is exactly what I needed. No schedule, no routine. I co-sleep with him because when he was experiencing all of the colic and gassiness, he only wanted to sleep on my chest. That's the only time he would get a good night's sleep and the only time I would get a good night's sleep. And it turns out that the reason for that is because when he slept on my chest I was always propped up on the bed. I wasn't laying down flat, I was propped up on the bed and that actually helps with the gassiness. So now he's slanted like this and he's laying on my chest and that suited him. Plus skin to skin also helps baby relax and comfort them. So I slept with him on my chest. So both of us got a good night's sleep when we talked for myself. Whenever he cried, it was for a reason. He wasn't just crying to cry. So even now that he's six months, I'm still not going to let him cry it out because I know he's crying for a reason. It's only when I started to do that that I became more confident as a mother and felt more at ease because I'm comforting my son and I'm giving him the attention that he needs and really and truly does all I can do as a mother. The reason why I'm sharing this is because it's already hard being a mother, being a new mother and if we continue to listen to all of the outside noise instead of listening to our own instinct, we're not helping ourselves. We're not taking care of ourselves and we're not helping our baby by not taking care of ourselves. I feel so much better now, of course, versus back then, well, six months ago or four months ago, whatever. The next time around, I know better. When you know better, you do better, right? So if I just let my son be and stop trying to make these certain things happen, we're both better off because honestly, my son has grown out of the whole colic phase, gaseous colic phase. So happy. The whole routine thing, I was so adamant about getting him on a routine and I threw it out the window and honestly, when we went to St. Croix, he put himself on a routine. Every night, he went to sleep around 6.30 or 8, slept through the night and woke up every morning between 6.30 and 8. I didn't do that. He did. I had nothing, like I didn't make him do that. When he got sleepy, I put him to bed. I gave him a bath at night, put him to bed. He wakes up around the same time every morning. Now he sleeps through the night and he goes to bed when he's tired. It may work for some to try and force a routine. I don't want to use the word force because that's kind of a negative connotation to it but it may work for some to develop a routine from the time they're born but it didn't work for me and now that I'm wiser, I know not to feel lesser than if I cannot do what others are doing no matter how great or easy it may seem because my child is different than yours and vice versa. So I am going to cut this video off now because he's a little fussy. He's probably hungry but he's not going to nurse with all of this going on around him because he thinks he's missing out on something. So I hope you guys enjoy this video and hopefully it helps somebody. Again, this is not me giving you advice on how to be a new mom tips and tricks for your newborn. It's not that I'm just saying that at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you. And another important thing is you have to take care of yourself. If you're not taking care of yourself and you're not refueling, you're just giving, giving, giving and draining yourself. If you're not refueling, how can you fully take care of anybody else? So that's another thing I learned that sometimes I just need a minute I used to feel guilty about not being by my son's side. And I think that has something to do with my own insecurities and my childhood. I was always very sad or upset when my parents left me with somebody else whether it was for a few hours on that. I remember times of waking up at a friend's house and my parents are gone. I used to cry and stuff. So now I hate leaving him with anybody that he's not 100% comfortable with or close to. So really and truly the only person I leave him with right now is his father. He's very familiar with his grandmother, my mother. So I'll leave him with her. But other than that, I don't leave him with anybody and it's more because of me, I'm not them, if that makes sense. You see yourself? So yeah, take care of yourself. Every now and then I just need a break. Every now and then I need a sanity run. And my sanity run is just me going somewhere or being by myself for a specific amount of time without him, without his father, just me by myself. And it's okay. It helps me be better for him. So it's a learning process of learning as I grow up. And as hard as my pregnancy was and as hard as the first three months were, I love being a mom. I don't think there's anything more that I love. I really do love being a mom. I know for sure I want more children. So it can't be that bad, right? If I know I want more. And you know I have to love it that much to want more. So yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this little chit chat. And if you do, give it a thumbs up. And I'll know that I could make more videos like this. Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already. And I hope you enjoyed this video. And I'll see you guys in my next one. Say subscribe to my mommy's channel. You're not even looking. Look up. Josiah. Josiah. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Say subscribe to my mommy's channel. Say subscribe to my mommy's channel. He's so handsome. Anyways, peace. And it's the magic. And everything you do is in our nerves. Perfection is my son. Never.