 Hi Hey, welcome to Sunday afternoon tea Our podcast day is switching from morning coffee because I already had my morning coffee and with you I still wanted to have a cup of something warm and cozy because here it is spilling all over myself Here it is snow Snowy gaining snow raining. It's cold. It's like below 30 degrees. It's freaking cold It's not sticking to the ground, but it's cold. I live in minnesota if you don't know You probably do know by now, but April 16th, and it's cold Nice to see you. We're live streaming this sunday afternoon tea. I'm just drinking warm water right now Had to switch from a coffee. I'm too caffeinated sometimes so I have to be chill about that I'm gonna say hello to you in the chat. Nice to see you patty Hi gail if you don't want to be Helloed in the chat. Um, don't comment. Just watch Because I'll read your comments a little bit here and there. So Okay, so, um Can you hear me? Okay. Let's do a sound check. I have my phone plugged in, but it's way across the room And I can't I'm too lazy to get up and get it So can you hear me? Can you hear me? Okay? Okay, thank you. All right Thank you patty Okay Let's just collectively sigh together. Let's just do that Yeah All right, so topic today is other people Because it is so much easier to look at other people Than it is to look at ourselves and It is much much much easier to redirect our own discomfort into someone else's actions behaviors into a form of maybe sometimes a judgment or a opinion viewpoint of Their actions or behaviors and their stuff that they're doing and their emotional stuff and their needs And we make all sorts of ass assumptions about that And that's a human thing We're trained to do that. That's human that we're trained to do that But you see You and I are empaths and that means we have a spec. We are a special brand of people pleasing wherein we use people pleasing and being in service to others as a distraction from our own feelings and our own discomfort and discontentment Now I have a lot of different ways to cope and and work with my feelings and emotions one of which is to eat twix candy bars Let me just say it's my vice Some people have other vices. Maybe not that healthy just like eating a twix bar or something much more serious like an addiction For example, but everyone all of us as humans we are masterful at avoidance of our own feeling and emotion and so we use other people to in a sense help us to find meaning sometimes in our own Messy energy our messy feelings are messy Choices decisions life circumstances we we can look outside of ourselves and see other people who are in need So much more than I am so therefore I'll be in gratitude I'll be in this spiritual state of gratitude And feel so good about my life because I am what am I doing when I'm doing that? What am I really doing when I'm looking out And seeing other people I am comparing their life experience to my own and I am making all sorts of assumptions about that about them about me perspectives all that stuff And I am basically judging them and feeling so sorry and pitiful for them that I Then will have gratitude for my shit show all the life experience currently Of course, I'm being sassy sarcastic And a bit witty and probably annoying with the way I'm speaking to you right now That's okay. Check the box annoying. Oh, she's annoying annoying good. You're welcome Did that redirect your feelings of your own inadequacy and your own resistance that you have right now inside your heart somewhere? That you're putting off something or procrastinating by watching me right here right now So now you're going to point to me and say oh well look at her voice is annoying Did she think she knows everything? Yeah, you know what I do I know absolutely everything and nothing I know everything about myself and nothing about how it pertains to you And so wouldn't we be best served to focus on ourselves? And allow ourselves to sit in her own discomfort The goal isn't to outrun escape or magically flip a switch and be happy and in such a good mood The goal is to be here now to be here now to be here now and to live your life Are you living it? when you are Completely channeling your own discontent into someone else's misery and you are finding a way To feel better about yourself by doing something for someone that you are Deeming in your mind's eye in your thoughts even if it's good or well intended even if it's a great outcome or consequence you are still looking and putting somebody else in a lower capacity To be able to manage their own life and be able to manage their own circumstance and you are literally comparing Stepping into a role of being better than someone else so that you can feel better about yourself now the byproduct of that ego-mindedness is Helping someone But what is the real intent? What are you really getting out of it? I'm not saying it's bad to help other people. I'm not saying it's bad to be in service, of course We all can benefit from the concepts of giving And to receiving but you when you're giving can be in the giver mode a distraction From learning truly how to receive and I'm not talking to receive from other people I'm talking to receive from universe from cosmic consciousness from your angels your spirit guides who are trying to talk to you Talk to you and get through your thick skull And your thick ego-mindedness and the pattern that you were taught early on to be the good girl And to make everybody happy and to be sunny and smiley and the person at work that's in the best mood all the time So everybody comes to your cubicle for a spray of fucking sunshine because they can't make their own and you In your quiet personal hell still glow those yellow rays, don't you? Are you feeling me today? in this state Am I rubbing on you like sandpaper just a bit? It's okay. We're exfoliating. We're exfoliating as we're focusing on other people Are we exfoliating are you feeling that? Hi rebel. Hi, Lynette. Nice to see you. Hi, Lorian Patty still helping to manage the chat Hey squad chick. Hi from Illinois. Hi back to Illinois It's a lot right Now i'm saying to you my empathic friends and most of you are empathics because that is why We connect you and I that's why you watch above life channel That's why you're interested in psychic work mediumship intuition energy angels spirit guides saints Deities cool afterlife celebrity guests getting some info and intel that might give you some inspiration to help you get off Your ass today and actually be productive But what might that be that whole value of productivity? We might be circling back and cycling back into that comparison model again of service I am doing something. Look at me. Look at how good I am. I am so good. I am productive today Okay, but maybe Your productivity needs to happen inside Maybe the work that needs to be done is inside now. I'm gonna share with you So i'm in a class right now. I'm not really a class. It's more like a year-long practice And it's doing divine feminine work working with archetypal energies Divine feminine archetypal energies And right now working with kali the creator preserver destroyer Creator preserver destroyer who if you have worked with me in the past if you've been in private groups with me If you've been in women's groups with me if you've been in private coaching and intuitive Psychic work with me. You know that kali ma is one of my lead guides because we're all about that. What can we keep? What do we want to create? What do we need to get rid of in order to do both of these things to see the forest through the trees with the clarity of What I want to keep here We're gonna use then to build and create something new which we're always in this place We're either starting Or we're ending Beginnings and endings so much the same aren't they And so kali is the lead right now And she's my girl And queen Queen And I'm doing this exercise that is fabulous. It's this masking exercise about the masks that we wear and Super deep and I love to create stuff and after we go through kind of a deeper spiritual reflection time and journaling and contemplation then we create we're asked to Invited to create some masks representative of these these four stages of ourselves and I started with one mask and a big a piece of cardboard. I just started using a pencil and kind of sketching some things down and went through Some of my cards my old card decks and things and pulled out different cards here and there of things and started cutting Things up and it looks like a collage right now. It's laying on my bed over here and As I've been moving through that exercise I have become even more aware of how much As a human person I have been formed and informed about myself Based upon what I have done and given to others how I present to others and can truly serve their needs And not yet even acknowledging my own in that process but to receive that outside external validation based upon Some kind of system that has been Engrained in me based upon my life experiences and the relationships I've had early ones like with my mother especially and then my dad a bit but mostly the divine family that the mother piece is coming through a lot for me and some experiences I had early on in my childhood and that just really Informed some value systems around being a good girl Being the happy one the sweet one the one that doesn't make trouble the one that's so good and and achieve So when mom tries to teach you to ride a bike on your dad's birthday and you don't do it you are a bad girl And you are not good enough You can't meet my knees because I wanted to show dad how great I was teaching you how to ride a bike And you didn't do it. That was one of the early sort of ruptures of trust that I had experienced and I've been working through some of those things then that led into Some of the patterns I've had in my lifetime now in other relationships and things. That's just one thing. Okay, one example so We have all been Then rewarded by a system of how we are serving others And then that system gets spun into a way that when we're mothers Or when we're in relationships, whether it be a boss co-worker relationship, etc You're volunteering at work. You're serving on the committees. You're helping your friend move You are the one at the school that's volunteering for the scout troop. That's doing the the carnival that's You are the go-to for your friends. You are the one that listens to everybody's Dumpy-ass relationship stuff and you know, which some of that stuff is kind of interesting to listen to actually because you're really like Wow, is this a soap opera? Somebody's real life It's kind of fascinating actually it's like, oh, wow real life is way crazier than Netflix. Who would have thought that? And at the same time We are rewarded for that we're rewarded by having this relationship But are we really rewarded by it? We're surrounded by people who may just be Needing us and we maybe have never made the time squeezed out the room or used our voice in a way To request our needs be met whatever those are and not from one person or one avenue Not from just your job not from just your parents not from just your Kids not from just your spouses or your partners or your friends but from a variety of places Needs that you have that you need to articulate and use your voice to be met But you haven't been able to do that because you haven't been taught to do that because really most of the time You've been listening to other people's needs and you've been adapting like the chameleon that you are to meet their needs So that you can be a good person And you can get a warm and fuzzy when other people say how loyal you are How they can so are you dependable? Are you the dependable one? You're not the flighty one. Are you you're the dependable one? Wow, that's so great. Also the doormat And sooner or later you can start to feel like Nobody gives a crap about you Whether that's true or not That's up for interpretation and your own inter interpersonal relationships. I can't say if that's true or not However, it sure feels like and the inner dialogue and the talk starts to be I'm giving to everybody else But nobody's giving to me. Well, maybe it's because you haven't used your voice Maybe it's because you haven't learned how to use your voice Maybe it's because you've had early on experiences in childhood and adolescence and teen years from a teacher that stopped you from talking when it was really your friend that was talking and you got in trouble or you were the scapegoat or You had to stand from recess because you just didn't understand your math and you had to do it And so everybody else is out there and you're the dumb one or you're the one that doesn't get it And so you have to find other ways to have people like you or be accepted or belong Do you see what I'm saying here? There's so much that feeds into this web of Of this these misunderstandings inside of ourselves. And so we have the opportunity here now Where we're at right here now to really feel into Other people And the voices that we have and the things that we've created inside of us that really are not our own They're not our own They're they're not our own So what is yours? Once you begin to in a healthy way detach from the external that doesn't mean you don't do anything That doesn't mean you don't volunteer for the parade float. It doesn't mean you don't go to The door knocking event. It doesn't mean that I'm not suggesting that at all. I'm saying From a place of awareness of deeply knowing yourself Yes, you can contribute in ways that don't just benefit the other other people Or the causes that you love and want to support but they benefit you as well in an Equilibrium of a relationship that's balanced and not I'm so much better than you So I'm going to come and help your community because I'm so much better. I'm so Privileged And I know you don't feel that way and you don't recognize that but that is the truth of the value system That's ingrained within us. It just is there's a comparison mode a comparison model that we all use It is part of every structure we have. That's how we know what our value is our worth worthiness is If you think about the monetary system a quarter versus a dime A hundred dollar bill versus a one dollar bill. Did you see them saying value? Right value There's difference. There's variation so When we're feeling into other people And other people's pain and other people's suffering Oftentimes we can collectively grieve someone else's suffering or a group of people who are suffering like if there's a traumatic event like a earthquake or mudslide and many people are Lose their lives for example then We can come together and donate food and money and goods and go volunteer and things like that and Because we're connected to that that suffering piece that that other people's pain part And yet it also gives us something even if you're not directly affected It gives us something the ability to grieve Is a gift To you in a way when it is not directly affecting you. It's a gift It's an opportunity for you to release your own sadness inside your own guilt about the death of your father when you couldn't get there in time at the hospital own death of the death of your your pet your beloved pet and if you made the right choice or The job change you made five years ago You had a different job opportunity and you didn't take it And it would result in a move and your life would have been different And then there's this regret or this consideration of what might life be better that kind of thing So there's a grief about that there's a grief about this loss the span of loss energy and so when something dramatic or traumatic happens To a group or a person and you see the story Even if it's not anywhere near where you live or it could have never happened to you and you connect into it You tap into it and you feel this grief. It's not because It's not just because you're empathic and you feel and sense other people's pain But it's because you too have pain So when you see somebody else and you feel the collective energy of pain or suffering You tap into your own pain and suffering and when you grieve for them You're actually they're like a proxy for your own stuff and it's coming out and it's giving you a sense of relief So other people's pain we benefit from That's harsh, right? Isn't that a kind of brash? Wow, that's a that's an intense statement, but it's true So Utilize the feelings that you feel when you feel them and be so aware of where they are coming from and what it's really about It's not really about that how sad you are for those people or how much great Gratitude you have for your life in the moment. That's the comparison, which is natural. This stuff is all natural I'm just calling it out. It's totally normal. This is normal Just calling it out Just calling it out We're comparing that and then be really aware flip that spiritual intuitive Switch inside you and be like, hey What part of me is suffering here or have I neglected to suffer or have I avoided suffering? Which right now is getting activated because of this experience the shared experience that i'm seeing or feeling or people are talking about And I can feel it on my body and it does not make sense in my brain that I would even feel this This personally or deeply but I am and so therefore why? Feel into yourself get into that state of awareness and let the energy just come out Cry journal collage paint walk Exercise bike do whatever you need to do to let the feelings flow out of you Let them flow out of you You don't have to jump into service to fix the problem for somebody else because thank god You don't have that problem. That is not the point. That is not the point. Yes It is a time for us to support each other to love each other to honor each other to give each other To share our resources to share our food to share our time to share our hearts. Yes kindness Yes 100 but this is not what that is do not fake it Do not fake it patch working trying to fix somebody else's problem So you feel better is fucked up and this is as a society we've been taught that that's what you do Which results in This toxic people pleasing scenario that we have this comparison of the toxic gratitude I'm so blessed and so fortunate. So i'm going to come to this poor unfortunate country and i'm going to help them Because i'm so lovely and i'm going to spend a week there and then i'm going to go back to my cushy home And my nice bed without bugs without malaria without all this and look at me aren't i such a good person I just want to change the world well then change it inside yourself The universe lives within you change it within you change your stuff deal with your shit Feel your own suffering and pain and get the help you need from a counselor for medical professionals Really get help not just from your friends. Don't just rely on your kids for your value make some friends But go to professional services if you can afford that not everybody has access to it I get it, but there's 1800 numbers. There's hotlines. There's online groups. There's facebook groups You might have to date around and kiss a lot of frogs when it comes to that because there's some fly-by-night groups that are messed up But that is not the norm and if you've had that experience. I'm sorry for the most part There's good freaking people out there just like you There are there are Don't buy into a pattern of suffering Projecting it outwards. Oh poor them. Look at me. How much gratitude I have for my life Don't compare so you feel better about yourself. That is so hierarchical That is so privileged That is so like I'm so much better than you is basically what you're doing and you're acting like you're so good and helping You're not you're helping yourself to avoid your own shit Which makes everything worse for everybody else All the time especially people that are most affected by you and your avoidance Oh sassy. I need to watch this one for myself I've been thinking about things like this for a long time like the toxic um comparison piece about Helping other people as a redirect for not taking care of your own self or not dealing with your own issues and The avoidant piece and the oh, I'm so grateful. Look at me. Everybody be grateful. Be grateful. Yeah there's a way that gratitude appreciating things is a beautiful part of kindness for yourself and self compassion, but When you utilize it in a way that is Disconnected and disjointed and comparison like for other people out there. That's the that's a problem That's a problem. Good tools. Good things can be warped and misunderstood and misused very very much And so be self aware And focus on you and your inwards stuff so that then when you are in services It really is in an honoring way with integrity for you and for the people that you are in service with and supporting as well All right, my friends. This is sunday afternoon tea. I'm gonna have some water here How was your weekend so far? Is it good? How's it going? How's it going? I went to an art exhibit at the science museum, which was really awesome. Let me just move this here. Sorry I'm having some trouble with my computer. It's doing some stuff. It's The fan is running way too much Not good not good Okay, just getting over a cold adrian Oh Hi, lorry. Nice to see you Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Getting over cold. Oh Thanks. Well, at least it's on the tail end. That's good Getting ready to move gail. Wow Getting ready to move. I know I've been I'm in that place too. I don't know It's gonna it's coming. I gotta start thinking about the whole move stuff Gotta do a whole sunday morning coffee about that. Let me tell you So, yeah, I went to an art exhibit. It was really cool and it was kind of this joke because I kept being told it's about bugs. Let's go see the bugs. We're going to see the bugs I'm like the bugs what so I had this vision because it was at the science museum I had this vision because I hadn't been to the science museum since my kids were little like the last time I was there my kid was in third grade on a field trip That was like years ago So I never been there just as an adult with adult people and so We were there and I was like I had this vision of like, you know, how you look at rocks under a microscope Like it would be that and they would do these bugs and it would be kind of gross probably and all these different fascinating bugs from all over I'm like, okay. Yeah, this is gonna be so much fun. So my whole thing was oh, yeah bugs. Yeah, okay Okay, but it was called exquisite nature and it was an incredible Chris I want to say marley or something. I can't remember. It's the science museum of minnesota Just the most beautiful exhibit. I would travel to see this I was like blown away they're like they're bugs and butterflies and crawfish and um crabs and little turtles and geckos and Komodo dragon a little Komodo dragon type thing and Snakes all cut different kinds of snakes and all these different kinds of beetles and bugs and all these vibrant colors and then seashells and sea urchins and there was a little baby shark and And it was unbelievable. It was beautiful. So you watch this little movie that talks about how he fell in love with this and just followed his passion um and in discovering as an artist discovering all these different creatures and He's like i'm not a scientist I'm an artist and I love the color of all these different different creatures and It was really quite beautiful. He talked about how they are harvested and how it's like a scenario where it's animals from like sanctuary's or different places that are found like after they've died their bodies are found and they're they're preserved and then he gets to he gets them and then he re Like creates that It's not taxidermy, but it's like recreates that into like this beautiful art and brings them back to their natural colors and just displays them like there was this gorgeous like two-headed little snake and I mean, it's just so beautiful and the way all these things were arranged. Oh my god it was like mandalas of Little bugs and there was like this infinity sign about life and there's so much meaning in the The beauty and all of these things and then the honoring them their legacy of the the bodies being preserved and even like small birds Two were like Part of this artwork this gorgeous artwork and I was like it was hard at first a little bit because I'm like, okay They're basically I'm looking at dead bodies here and they're animals and I was like, uh Oh, okay butterflies and dragonflies and I'm just like, uh, oh and and there were flowers and like I said seashells and stuff and feathers and things and understanding kind of the process and how like the honoring of The beauty of the animal of the essence of the spirit and the color and I love color anyway. I'm very color focused color such an energetic Language for me personally. I just I'm really moved by color. And so I just it was the one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen and I was just like Okay, this was worth it. This was yes very artistic and I love art. Anyway, I'm really this year I'm like going to like I want to see as much art as I possibly can in the cities here And so um, there's an art crawl actually in st. Paul and gotta do that And then there's I guess there's something on the northeast some kind of art thing too and then in the summer There's uptown art fair. There's all this stuff going on and I'm like, I want to so go to all the stuff Yay so, um Yeah, so that's what I did and it was a dreary day We went from like an 80 degree day to a 40 degree day. So it was chilly, but I just I put on my flannel and my hoodie and I went So It was awesome. It was just Awesome. Awesome. Mm-hmm. There were some other really powerful exhibits too. There was one about race And a lot of that like there was george floyd stuff and there was like The reform movement the indigenous people reform movement all sorts of stuff and Personal story. There was a lot I could talk about all that and its own thing It was a lot and I was deeply profoundly moved by that and we had a lot of deep conversations from that then after we went um to Oh by seven corners down by the west west west bank of university, minnesota Um, so went from st. Paul to minneapolis area and went to great tie a restaurant called flaming tie So good. I was like, oh So good and I had vietnamese coffee, which was so sweet. Oh my gosh. So sweet. I was like It's too sweet for me um, but The food was so the food was so Good, it was so so good. So good um, yeah, and then friday night I went out to um Where did we go? I don't remember. I don't know the name of the place um We're an uptown area and I don't know the name of the place. It was a mexican some mexican place. Somebody chose um It was it was awesome. I had a prince margarita. They have margaritas like a madonna margarita a prince one They had they had like four other ones. I can't remember like after celebrities and stuff. I was like, what? It was really good and the tacos were amazing and I'm like, yeah, I like tacos, but no cheese um, like so no dairy no gluten and stuff like that. Well, I had It was a corn tortillas or whatever. I had that but um I was like, yeah I want I want tacos, but not with not without these things. So it's kind of like a It's almost like a vegan thing. I guess you might say but it was really good I was like, um, this is so good. This is so good. It was really good. So yeah so That's what I did this weekend So maybe today is just a lull. Maybe i'm like, oh plus i'm doing those mask things and like this big collage thing And it's like a lot of stuff coming forward. So Yeah, just gonna chill the rest of the afternoon. Well, I'm not that's not true I guess I have a session today. I got a client today I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do about the print stuff at the end of the week here I'm a channel. I'm for sure, but I'm not sure if I'm going to do a small group Or if I'm just going to offer a little mini readings. I might do that instead. We'll see. I'll see what happens I'll post it though on my facebook page. So you'll know above live channel on facebook. I'll post it there All right, my friends. I think I'm going to wrap this up for the day Hey, Sandra. Nice to see you Sandra home iconos. Yes Yes iconos. Yes Yes iconos. Yes Oh Yes Hey, hey, nice to see you. I'm so glad you made it To the live stream. Hey, yeah, I know I know who it is. Yes, I do I see you Okay Thank you for the kick in the butt. You're welcome. I need the kick in the butt too So, you know often when I'm doing sunday morning coffee or sunday afternoon tea in this case I'm channeling for myself as well because I am very hard headed just like the rest of you I'm no better than anybody else. I just happen to have Um a direct line That's all I can put them on hold for a while But if I don't answer the phone then it comes and bites my ass too So This helps me just as much as it helps you to especially this the podcast stuff. I love it. So All right I love it when I see you guys being befriending each other in the chat. That's awesome All right, so I'll see you tomorrow for a sun or for uh channeling I actually have someplace I need to be in the morning So I'm not a hundred percent sure if I'll live stream or not if I do it I'll have to be early because I got like an hour drive I'm got a coffee in the morning. So I gotta meet somebody but um So I'll be in the car for a bit tomorrow Um But we'll see I'll see if I can get it done earlier in the morning. So So with that, I hope I've inspired your spirit today filled you with some hope and encouraged you to live your life This is your life after all and you get to live it Uh, you do you get to live it So just live it Do the best you can. Okay, just live it. Thanks for being here. Thanks for chatting Thanks for chatting on the live stream you guys. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Send me some sunshine. I could use it