 Okay, if you feel like you're no longer being treated as a priority by the man in your life, and if you feel like you're no longer special to him or he's not treating you special, or he's gotten lazy and doesn't really care about the relationship anymore, or if you're living together and you feel like your roommates, and what you really want is to be cherished and prioritized and valued and loved and pursued in your relationship. Today, I'm going to talk to you about a very important principle that you can use to immediately and instantly raise your value in a man's eyes and make it so that he starts paying attention and his behavior starts shifting pretty much automatically. And so my name is Matthew Coest and welcome to the Commitment Connection. If you're really serious about getting into a relationship where you're loved and valued and seen by the man in your life, make sure that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com. There's a link either above or below this video that you can go there and check it out. And so today, what I'm going to be talking about is this idea called the scarcity principle. This is an idea that comes from the forever woman program that I have. And so that program is my whole system for this and this is one element of it. And so the scarcity principle is really important. It comes from economics, actually. The original idea comes from economics where it's about supply and demands that determines something's value, right? So the more supply that there is of something and the less demand there is of it, then it's not very valuable. But the more that it's in demand and the lower that there is a supply of it, it becomes incredibly valuable. And think about things like diamonds and stuff like that. And there's been a bunch of different scams and stuff that have gone out there where people have used the law of supply and demand to raise prices when a lot of people wanted to go out there and buy something and all of a sudden your doll that you want to buy for Christmas to your daughter isn't available anymore. But there's some guy on eBay selling it for at a markup of $10,000 when normally he bought it for like five bucks, right? And so this happens a lot in the regular world, but it can also apply to relationships and dating. In fact, it's a principle because it's something that is pretty steadfast in dating and relationships. So what does this even mean, right? What does it mean in terms of relationships? You want to be high in demand and low in supply, right? So high in demand meaning that you're very desirable, but you're not super available and you're unique, right? So if you're, there was this woman that was messaging on our comment section yesterday and she's like, oh, well, I, she's like, I don't get guys that approach me ever. And I was like, why? Like what's going on? And she's like, oh, well, I've got all the basics covered. I dress like a normal person and I look pretty average and I'm like, that's not what gets a guy to approach you, right? Like looking like everybody else and dressing like everybody else doesn't make you special, right? It doesn't make a guy go, oh, I need to go and approach and talk to this girl, right? It does the opposite. It makes them go, oh, it's just another woman that I'm talking to and the CEO of women that are out there that are potential women that I can go and talk to. And you want to be special. You want to be different and you don't want to be super available and have lots of you out there because then the supply goes up and the demand goes down. And so, so let's talk about this a little bit more specifically. A man's desire and love for you, it grows. Think of it like a fire, right? So on kind of like a macro level picture, we're looking at building a man's love and desire and his desire to kind of step up and come to the plate and look at you like you're special and that his time with being around you is really important and really special and really awesome. And so when you think about this fire, right, you want to give the fire like if you've ever created a fire before, if you've ever gone out camping, I used to camp a lot. If you ever go out and camping, when you're building a fire, you have to, you know, you start with little sticks and twigs and stuff and you start lighting it up and it starts burning and you have to give it air. You have to give it oxygen. There has to be oxygen and air that goes through it. And you if you throw a whole bunch of sticks and stuff on top of it, it'll smother the fire and it can't get oxygen and air and it'll just die. And you want the fire to grow and grow and grow and eventually you can have a big bonfire and it can be really difficult to even put it out once it becomes a really big fire, which is sometimes ends up leading to forest fires, but that's a totally different topic altogether. So but what you want to do is you want to build up a man's love and his desire for you and you do that by giving space by not being completely away by giving it space and and then feeding it when you need to feed it. That way it can build and grow and grow. And so it's the moments that you're away from each other that the fire grows, right? That's when the oxygen comes in and allows it to grow and build and build. And so you don't want to be smothering him. And so I just want to go over a few mistakes that women make sometimes when we talk about the scarcity principle. So you know what not to do when you're doing this. And the first couple of them are one is don't go to the extreme. We see women that do this all the time and it's really easy to get caught up in the extremes, right? Like I'm either smothering him or I'm completely disappeared and he can't talk to me at all. And ways that women do this is they'll ignore a guy, right? Like I keep talking to women that are like, oh yeah, so I'm ignoring him and it's like a woman in our community. She's like, I'm leaning back but how long should I ignore him for? And it's like, oh, nowhere in any of my materials anywhere ever have I said to ignore a man. That's not what you should be doing. You should only ignore a man if you don't ever want to talk to him again and you need space and you want to get away from him. That's the only time you should be ignoring him. Otherwise that is not a technique that I recommend. Also don't go no contact on him, right? We keep having these women that are like, okay, he did this thing that I didn't like. So I'm going no contact 30 days on him and I'm just like, what? There's so many steps between this guy doing something that you don't like and you going completely no contact where there's communication stages, there's giving him space, there's all this other stuff that you can do. So don't get caught up in going to those extremes. Also, there's another one where sometimes women get this mindset that they should like wait days before they respond to a guy. So a guy calls or texts this person, this woman and then she waits sometimes several days, three, five days, seven days. I heard a woman tell me one time she waited 10 days before responding to him. And if you do stuff like that, there's a really high probability chance that he's going to think that you're not even interested in him anymore and decide that he's going to go off somewhere else and kind of recover his wounds and figure his own stuff out. Or that you're playing games with him or something like that and you don't want him to feel like you're playing games with him or you're messing with him or that you're just not interested in him or something like that or he will probably end up completely leaving and you don't want to do that. If you're here with us in the chat right now, make sure that you say hi and let us know where it is that you're watching in the world. It's really cool to see so many women all over the world watch these live streams and talk to each other together in our chat. It's pretty cool. So what do we do? How do we use this principle of scarcity to really build your value and create a better relationship where you guys where you are valued more and you're cherished more and the time that you're together is really valued and he looks at it and he likes it and he enjoys it and you're not just comfortable with each other anymore, right? And so what you want to do if you're... So I'm bringing it into two different stages. One is the initial dating phase. And in the initial dating phase, what you want to do is you just want to kind of lean back a little bit and spend a little bit less time kind of reaching out to him and trying to get conversations going and trying to connect with him and just chill out a little bit and give him some room, give him space. You want to give him space before he needs space. And so what happens a lot of times in our community is these women come into our community because they're in a position where they've already messed up and they've smothered a guy and all this stuff has happened and they're like, okay, well, what do I do now? And it's better if you're doing things before you screw up. And so for the women who aren't in that situation and they're in situations where they're getting into new relationships you want to give space before it's needed or if you've patched things up with a guy you want to give him space before it's needed. So one of the things that you want to do is space out your texting and just make it less that you're just like immediately texting him back and you're sitting there looking at your phone and you're waiting for his text message and just space it out, right? Sometimes you can message him right away. Sometimes wait a few hours. If it's late at night, you can wait until the next day and just relax and just chill and just take a deep breath and just feel strong and confident in yourself and don't get caught up on making sure that you're constantly in communication and talking to this guy because what it ends up doing is coming off as needy and clingy and you don't want to do that. Next is you want to avoid spending all of your time together. Give him the gift of missing you and so have other things that are going on in your life. Sometimes what some women will do is they will end up getting rid of their friends and getting rid of everything else that's going on in their life and just solely focus on this guy and then the next thing you know, she's spending all of her time with him. He's getting super comfortable with it and he starts valuing it less because of the law of supply and demand where all of a sudden she's around him all the time and he starts getting really comfortable and he's not missing her anymore because he doesn't have a chance to miss her, right? And where does the desire and the love grow? It grows when you're giving him space and so you want to give him some space and so avoid spending all your time together. Avoid having full conversations over text message. Avoid telling him everything in your life over text message. You want him to be curious about what you're doing and what you're up to. You want to have things that you can talk about when you're together and so you don't want to tell him everything that's going on with you over text message. Give him some space, give him some room to miss you. Give him some room so that when you're together it's like you have all these things to talk about all of a sudden and he's actually curious about it because he hasn't chatted with you all that much throughout the week if you guys aren't kind of living together and seeing each other all the time. Next, when you're in a relationship so what does this look like when you're in a relationship? What you want to do is you want to, first of all like when you're in a relationship and it's a little bit different than when you're kind of in the initial dating phases of getting into a relationship because what happens when you're actually in a relationship is that there's a lot more kind of going on and if you guys have kind of gotten comfortable like if you've spent a lot of time kind of just being there all the time with him and just making him really comfortable with you being there and him getting, you know, and it's been months or years or whatever where he's spent all this time with you and he's just been really, really comfortable with you being around him all the time and all of a sudden you start kind of giving him some space and pulling back a little bit he's going to be a little bit confused so you have to communicate what's going on with you and the way that you communicate it is start talking about what it won you start talking about what it is that you're doing like what you're actually doing with your life and the suggestion that I have is just start having things that are going on in your life so if your life has all been about the relationship and hanging out with him and you guys are so intertwined that you don't have anything else going on outside of you what you want to do is start creating things outside of the relationship that have absolutely nothing to do with him and let him know that that's something that you're doing so you're like, hey, so he doesn't think you're like cheating on him or sneaking behind his back or something like that you're communicating, hey, there's this cooking class that I'm interested in there's this yoga that I started getting involved in there's this MMA class you know, I don't know what you're into whatever you're into doesn't matter just communicate that you're starting to get involved in other things and that that's going to start taking up some of your time and then what you want to do is communicate what it is that you want so you want to get taken out on dates you want to have all these other things starting to that maybe you had when you were first dating in the initial attraction stages but he's not doing it anymore because he's become so comfortable and so lazy with the fact that you're there all the time and that he doesn't need to do those things anymore because you're always there all the time and he's taking you for granted and he's taking those things for granted now and so you want to communicate that you're interested in those things now and that you'd love for him to take you out on a date and you'd love to do some of those things that we used to always do when we were first together and it'd be so much fun and it's so awesome and let me know if you'd love to do some of those things too and we'll schedule some time together because you're going to be spending more time doing other things in your life and having a full life instead of making it just about him and what's going on with him and then the next thing that you want to do is like I said earlier you want to give him space before he needs it like there's this saying that familiarity breeds contempt and what that basically means is that the more time that you spend around something the more you start taking it for granted it's just a law of how things work in human behavior and psychology you spend a lot of time around something if you take a sandwich and it's your favorite sandwich and you eat that sandwich every single day eventually it's not going to be all that special anymore I used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day when I was in my early 20s and after a while it was like I don't even care about peanut at first it was like oh my god I love these peanut butter and jelly I love this peanut butter and jelly sandwich but after a while it started becoming like oh I don't even care anymore I prefer to eat something else because I eat this all the time and so you want to space it out you love chocolate and you eat chocolate all the time it's not special anymore but if you only eat chocolate once a month or once a week or whatever it's like this thing that really fills you it makes you feel good and all that kind of stuff and you want to be like that to him you want to be this special thing to him that when he's around you it feels amazing and the only way that you can do that is by giving some space so that you're not around him all the time and he doesn't start getting this familiarity and start taking you for granted and so the next part of this is encouraging and if you're in the chat right now and you get what I'm talking about just say I get it just say I get it in the chat and if you don't get it if you don't get what I'm talking about if you have any questions about what it is that I'm talking about ask them in the chat and I will go through it later and I will answer all the questions so next is encouraging his independence so you encourage him to go and hang out with his friends encourage him to have things that go on in his life that he's doing without you so you want to kind of have this a little bit of a split and you want to have a little bit of your own things going on in your life so that it's not completely intertwined and so that he doesn't completely kind of start taking you for granted so the next part is is kind of is the last thing that I want to talk about which is having an alignment in your lives but having space in your daily activities right so having alignment alignment is one of these things that I talk a lot about when I talk about commitment which I haven't talked a lot about recently but the idea of alignment is looking at your two lives and it being kind of this thing where you guys are on the same side where you're going towards this same kind of future that you project together right and you see this world together and you can see how the two of you fit together on the same team in this journey going towards this world that you've imagined that you guys can have together and so you want to have alignment in that but you want to have space in your day to day activity so that you're not around each other all the time and there's a lot of I see a lot of problems sometimes when couples are like sometimes it works out well sometimes it doesn't right it depends on kind of the personalities of the people involved but sometimes people get involved in businesses together right like relationships will get involved in businesses together and that business a lot of times will destroy the relationship and I've seen it in friendships I've seen it in relationships I've seen it all over the place and so what you want to do is you want to have some space and sometimes it can work out if you create space in the business that you're working on together and you're not kind of on top of each other all the time and annoying each other all the time so you want to be aligned in your growth but have daily activities that keep you separate and when you come back together it's exciting again so that's it again I just want to mention if you want to get all of my information on how to really raise your value in his eyes and make him see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever make sure that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com there should be a link above or below this video if you want to in the description if you want to and you can get it for free it's a program that we're offering for free so I'm going to go over all of these again if you have any questions about your situation or something that's going on with you or what I've talked about or anything in the world that you want to ask me and you want to talk about and we can chat about we can chat about our favorite foods whatever you guys want to talk about in the chat let me know put your question in the chat and I'm going to go over what we just talked about one more time there's a recap and then I'm going to start answering all your questions so what do we have here so what we're talking about is the scarcity principle right so if a guy is not making a priority anymore in his life you can use the scarcity principle and you can use it immediately right you can immediately start giving space and start creating space and usually it'll happen pretty quickly a lot of times it'll start happening pretty quickly depending on how long this has been a problem in your relationship if it's been a really really sometimes women will come and they're like yeah this has been happening for seven years and it's gotten to a place where he doesn't even recognize that I'm there anymore and so it in situations like that it might end up taking a bit more to kind of create a situation that where he's kind of valuing you and prioritizing you again but for the most part you can usually do this where you just kind of pull back and give some space and lean back and start giving him some space and what'll happen is a lot of times immediately he'll start noticing that there's something different and sometimes it might take a couple days but usually it can happen pretty quickly which is what we're talking about here and so the scarcity principle supply and demand you want to be low in supply and high in demand so really have a high desire and be somebody that isn't super available and be unique and special in his eyes and so a man's desire grows and his love grows from space not from smothering or being there the love and the desire really grows from the space there's the connection and then there's the space and that space is where the desire grows and so you don't want to go to extremes ignore him go no contact or wait three to five days to respond don't do those things what you do want to do in the initial dating phase is face out the text messaging make it a little bit unpredictable avoid all spending all of your time together give him the gift of missing you avoid having all your conversations over text message so that he can be curious about you and what's going on in your life and so that you guys have something to talk about when you're together and so that he appreciates you more when you are together and then in the relationship you want to make sure that you're communicating what you're doing and start building a full life that's outside you know have major components of it outside of your relationship that have nothing to do with him encourage him and his own independence and make sure that you communicate what it is that you'd like to have and what it is that you'd like to see so that he knows what's going on and what you how to get more of your time and how to spend more time with you which is what it is that you ultimately want to have and so that when you guys are together it is more kind of exciting and encouraging and and he doesn't take you for granted and he cherishes you more and he really appreciates being around you a lot more and so the last thing is make sure that you have an alignment in your lives but space out your daily activities okay so what kind of questions do we have here yes he brandy says I did that and he started accusing me of cheating and that's why you need to communicate what's going on with you so that you don't end up getting in the situation where he thinks that you're cheating and you let him know you're like look this is what I'm doing and you can see that this is what I'm doing and I want to do this is really important to me and just let him know what's going on okay so hello hello hello everybody like in my broadcast thank you so anybody have any questions here hello hello manon says my husband is a Leo and I'm an Aries fire signs lots of sparkling in our relationship nice so Ari says how long should I wait to answer his texts or phone calls like I said you want to get kind of spaced out you want to make it unpredictable you don't want to be this thing like there's this thing out there where a lot of women will do this thing where they do like a good morning text and a good night text every single day and there's nothing wrong with doing a good morning text or a good night text or you know checking on what you're doing or how you're you know how things are going for you or did you make it to their okay kind of text messages but you want to switch things up because if you like I said the the whole idea where familiarity braids contempt if you are doing the same thing all the time you end up just becoming really dull and predictable and boring and you don't want to be dull and predictable and boring so just switch it up right so sometimes you can immediately text them and sometimes you might wait 10 minutes and sometimes you might wait an hour and sometimes it's evening so you wait until the next day and so it's not it's don't get caught up on the specifics of it just change it up and just do different things and just have fun with it and just make sure that you're not obsessing over it and you're not obsessing over him and you're not just constantly sitting by your phone making sure that you're you're just messaging him back immediately Sharon says yep I messed up a bit about spacing but I corrected it awesome it's good to it's good to correct things Lauren says like your hair well thank you I'm glad you like my hair if you if you if anybody has compliments I am a sucker for compliments and I love when people give me compliments so please do cloudy says I think is about common sense I keep my bait my plate busy on a regular basis in parts so that I'm not constantly wondering about him if I am honestly committed to do other things I stick to my plants yeah and that's the healthy way to do things right and you mention that you're like wow this is common sense right and in this world really what common sense is is wisdom about the world and so if you don't if you didn't grow up in an environment with parents who treated each other well and with people who had a healthy sense of self and who kind of knew how to be in relationships right like I didn't have any of those good examples when I was growing up then it might not be common sense for you and so for you to look at it and you're like okay well when do I do this and how do I do this sometimes it's you need some encouragement you need some guidelines and you need some rules because you have no idea what you're doing and what you're doing doesn't work and that's what happens with a lot of the women in our community and a lot of people in the world in general men and women so it's something that yeah it's common sense if you kind of come from an environment where you've learned about that or you've kind of been doing this for a while and you've learned you've been spending a lot of time on my youtube channel and you've been listening to me it might be common sense anyway so Susan says you have to value yourself first then you will value you absolutely I totally agree with that statement Susan says yes space is crucial Geraldine says perfect timing on your subject matter thank you the guy I have known through Salsa for 11 years finally opened up to me today he is an Aries fire sign I am a Libra air sign spot on here awesome Claude says I got it but I also need my space to have time for the things I'm passionate about absolutely it's what you need ladies playlists said and he'll miss and come team more yep just do you and yep so army of gogg says simply much I don't know sometimes I don't read the question before I read the question out loud yeah maybe read the question before I read it out Brittany says how to deal with other women who he has history with that want to have drinks with him do I allow that okay and just trust that it will be okay because I trust him even though it makes me uncomfortable well I think that there's kind of different things to it right it's not if you try to start clamping him down and start telling him that you don't allow it and all that kind of stuff it might kind of backfire on you right and it kind of depends on him and it depends on kind of what kind of a relationship you have together and how long you've been together and what kind of boundaries you've set up to this point because if you start doing this thing where you're like hey you can't hang out with other women ever and have drinks with them which I could see why it would be a cause of concern for you right like my dude is out having drinks with other women like what's up with that right and the question is is he just having a drink with one specific woman and he's just the two of them are just going out and having drinks together is it that he's going out and having drinks with a group of women is it he's going out and having drinks with a group of people with men and women and there happens to be women involved and you're just getting insecure about that and so you kind of have to look at the scenario and look at it and say okay what makes sense here right like is it something that I should be jealous about and I should be uncomfortable about and if it is something that you should be jealous and uncomfortable about then it's something that you might want to talk to him about and just have a real conversation with him and just sit him down and just be just be super open and just super honest and just let him know that you feel uncomfortable about it and just you know see what he has to say to you about it because his respect if you open up to him about that and let him know and talk to him about it not come from a place of like you know I'm trying to lock you down or I need you to do something or I have expectations around this but just a real genuine conversation where you're like hey you know like I know that you've got this woman Christie or whatever name is and you you go out and you have drinks with her and that's kind of weird to do when you're in a committed relationship with me assuming that you're in a committed relation exclusive relationship with him and I'm just wanting to let you know that I feel that way and that it seems a little weird to me that you would go out and have drinks with a woman that isn't your girlfriend or wife or whatever your situation is with him and you know does that and just ask him to be like does that seem like it's a little weird to you like does that seem like it you know if I like you're going having drinks with Steve this guy at work that I know like and we were just going out and having drinks together would you feel weird about that you know and just just have a conversation with him about that because when you have a conversation about it what ends up happening is he starts revealing a lot of things that are going on with him and how he feels about the different situation and whether and and he'll give telltale signs if they're unless he's like really good at manipulating he'll give telltale signs about things that are going on with him whether it is something that you should be concerned about or whether it's not and he'll talk to you about it and he'll let you know how much it like if he's like hey you know I really respect that and I see that it's something that maybe you should be concerned with and maybe all think about this and you know maybe I shouldn't be going out on day you know and you'll see whether he's like no no no you shouldn't worry about that at all and you know you just stop thinking about that and that's not going on and you know this is my friend and you'll start to get a sense of like where he stands and how this relationship is going to go going forward right and how he's going to look at you and how he's going to treat you and whether he's going to respect your boundaries and treat you well or not and so this situation that you're in right now is a perfect situation for you to start learning more about your relationship to him and about his desired relationship with you and how he might start treating you in the future okay so Brittany says by the way so appreciate these videos you are so well I'm glad that you appreciate these videos I'm glad that you feel that they are valuable to you Susan Kamorowski says I say no he may get drunk get wrapped up in those ladies and make a mistake that he will regret he will lose you so that's possible it's possible it's possible Manon says giving space to the other person is usually easy only if you also need it for yourself well and there's also other things to consider right in terms of giving space and whether it's easy for you or not and if it's not easy for you to give space then that should be that should be a red flag for you about yourself right so if you're like hey I can't give this guy space because I just I need to be talking to him and communicating him and all this other stuff there's a few things that you might want to start considering if you're in a situation like that one of them is whether you actually have something going on mentally with you like if this is a pattern right like is this a pattern that you do in your relationships and your friendships and your romantic and friendship relationships or is it something that this is just kind of a one-off thing where you just feel this way about this one guy right and you kind of want to assess what's going on there because if this is something that happens with every single relationship that you're in and it's saying that there's something going on with you that might be a little bit off that you might want to do some either some healing or you might want to do some work where you start kind of stair stepping your way into giving him space so that you can kind of detach yourself away from it a little bit one of the things that you might want to do is there's a there's a book out there and I might end up butchering this I think it's called attached and it basically talks about the different types of attachment styles that people have and how they kind of interact with people and how they interact with stress and they interact with relationships and one of them is an attachment style where you kind of cling on to people and if you have that kind of attachment styles you want to know about it because then you can actually do something about it right you can start creating awareness around that kind of situation what's going on with you so that you can actually take steps to do something to either heal yourself or kind of recover from this place where you get into relationships where you have deep addictions to a human being because that's not very healthy to get really super addicted to another human being right you want to have a space you want to have healthy relationships and part of having healthy relationships is coming from a space of being healthy and not being so addicted and so attached that you're completely obsessed with another human being all the time and not able to even give that person space like that's not healthy and that's something that you want to take a look at and find out more about so that you can make sure that you're coming from a space of being healthy in your relationship and what it might actually take in order to get there Susan says yes I get it Matt T. oh no that's Matt thank you I have a friend that used to call me Mattie usually women call me Mattie when they're flirting with me hey Mattie so Carmel says oh she's pinging one of her friends in this okay that's why you should read the comments before you you actually read them aloud Tiffany says Matt can you just send me a masculine energy man please I'll pay the shipping yeah yeah just send me your address and I will ship a masculine energy man to you how tall do you want him to be like 6 foot 1, 6 foot 2 real buffed, ripped like abs I can do this no problem at all Julie Tree says I get it you the man thank you Julie Tree Nico says help me out bro what she says this is the first time I've seen you well hello Regina says I always miss the beginning well you can always re-watch it it's okay hi Matt in a new dating situation and I seem to struggle between holding my boundaries space and giving him the feeling that I have walls up yeah and that's a that's a there's kind of a thing in there right that you have to do that there's a distinction between having boundaries and having walls up and it's very easy to have boundaries because you have walls up right you have walls up because you were hurt in the past that's the only reason why you have walls up is because you were hurt in the past and you're trying to make sure that you don't get hurt in the future and so you have a wall up and then you put a boundary in front of that wall and then he runs into that boundary and he's like you got a wall up right and you're like yeah I do right and it's it's one of those things where if you've got a wall up you've got a wall up right and if you have a boundary you have a boundary and that boundary isn't a wall a wall is a place where you're coming from fear right you're coming from the space of fear and you're so afraid that something's going to happen that you put a wall up and having a boundary is coming from a space of wanting to make sure that you're taking care of yourself right coming from a space of self love of self value and you put up a boundary because you're like hey I want to make sure that you are the right guy for me and that I am getting into the right situation and if you end up proving yourself to me then we can get into a situation we can I will end up opening up to you and I will get invested in you and I will do all these things with you if you end up proving to me that you're a great guy and that you're a great guy for me to be with and that's the difference really between a boundary and a wall is that if you've got a wall there's not a whole lot you can do other than kind of heal space and get rid of that wall and if you've got a boundary and it feels like a wall it's probably a wall behind a boundary that's probably what's going on there and if you're not sure it's probably just assume that it's a wall right especially if guys are giving you feedback that it's a wall then you definitely want to take a look at it as if it's a wall and do some healing work around that if it is that wall that way you can get into a space where you have healthy boundaries and you're not just putting up walls because you're afraid and then you end up getting into the same situation because you're coming from fear instead of love so Ari says I spend all the time with him since we are not going to see each other all the time that's a question I'm not sure what it means Alyssa says sorry how do I handle space with a man who is hot and cold seems to come around on his own every two to three weeks well the question is is this something that you actually want to have so if he is going hot and cold on you that means that there's something going on with him and so if there's something going on with him the question is what is going on with him two to three weeks is a long time to just disappear and then come back sometimes we get women in the community they're like oh my god this guy hasn't contacted me for two days or three days and it's like that's normal three weeks that's not normal there's something going on there and the question is what is it is it that he's seeing somebody else is it that he's got a job or something that is taking up his time and it's really busy he's getting sucked into it and so before you even start talking about space which he's already created for you so you don't need to create any space with him what you really need to do is determine whether this is a situation that you actually want to get into and that you actually want to be in and if you're already deep in this situation whether it's something whether you need to just cut and run or whether it's something that you need to work through and if it's something that you need to work through start communicating with him and start talking to him and start figuring out why he's doing this two to three week thing and if you're not invested my guess is that it's something that you probably don't want and so the next time he comes back around what you want to do is start talking to him about what's actually going on so you can find out whether it's something that you're going to be experiencing for a very long period of time or whether it's something that's just temporary and my suggestion is that instead of trying to figure out how to give a man space who's in this situation of being hot and cold especially if you're not in a committed relationship with him is that you get my forever woman program and start going through the system that I have in that program because if you're going through that system then you're not even worried about giving a man space who's being hot and cold because you're not even thinking about that dude so my suggestion is one that you go and get the forever woman program foreverwomanformula.com and make sure that you're going through that Alyssa says I've been giving space but then he seems okay with it doesn't activate him to want yeah because he's disappearing for two to three weeks at a time right so he needs a lot of space and so like I said you need to figure out whether this is something that you actually want to be in or not and what's actually going on with him Manon says as a couple it is important to respect the other person's space or else it can really destroy your relationship in a short and long term absolutely it's a huge mistake that a lot of women make is smothering dudes how long have we been going on here okay so let's see what other questions do we have so Cheryl says thank you so much for your time in giving us advice you are welcome Creepy, creepy kid says I'm not giving you attention that's why you love me well like I said at the beginning it's the space that builds that love right so sometimes that can turn into kind of this manipulative abusive thing if you're a manipulative abusive person or if you have your own issues and you're treating a man like garbage that can turn into an abusive manipulative kind of thing where you're kind of ignoring him and whatever or it can also turn into kind of a healthy thing where you're giving him space and it kind of depends on your intent behind it and where you're coming from yourself like what kind of a space you are coming from if you're coming from a healthy space giving him space is really powerful if you're coming from a kind of a toxic space then it can be really toxic Geraldine says thank you for being you and sharing your insights you are absolutely welcome Cheryl says question do you think eyes can lie I guess it depends on what you think eyes are lying about like are they lying about what what are lies what are eyes lying about tell me Cheryl what are what are some what are eyes lying about what are you worried about eyes lying eyes don't talk Marissa says I just broke up with my friend with benefits situation congratulations I applaud you on breaking up with your friend with benefits situation and I recommend that any woman that is in a situation like that start by breaking up with that situation she says I wanted a relationship he didn't I miss him a lot right now is there any possible way with space between us he might want a relationship it is possible but you shouldn't bank on it right and you should make sure that you don't get into a situation like that ever again once again I suggest you go to the forever woman formula dot com and pick up a copy of the forever woman formula should be a link above or below here and go through my system and use the system and if he ends up coming back and being like hey I want a relationship great and if he doesn't then you're in a better situation anyway with other guys who are competing for your commitment Lisa says any special tips for senior I have lots and lots and lots of tips and ideas and stuff about seniors you have to tell me about your situation for me to be able to talk about it baby says if someone says we have a heart connection what is it really mean it means that if somebody says that they have a heart connection with you what that means is that they feel really emotionally kind of engaged or attached to you what it doesn't mean and I just want to kind of clarify here it doesn't mean that they want a relationship with you it doesn't mean that they want something romantic with you it doesn't mean that they want to hook up with you it doesn't mean any of that kind of stuff right if somebody says if somebody just came up to me one day and they were a friend of mine and it was a woman and she said I feel like we have a heart connection and I felt like I got along really well with that woman I would say I'd say awesome that's really cool I wouldn't think that she thinks that we are that she wants some kind of romantic situation with me I would not think that at all and I don't think that you should think that either don't assume that don't assume that it means that somebody wants a relationship don't assume that it means somebody wants to get physically intimate don't assume any of that kind of stuff just assume that it means that they feel really strong emotional connection to you Deborah says what if we are long distance and have daily text chats how manage the scarcity like I said if it's the same kind of thing you want to break that up even if it's a long distance kind of situation because it's the same thing that's going to happen there it's going to become comfortable and you want to break it up you want to make you want to break up monotony you want to break up boring you want to break up predictability and you want to make it more of a off and on kind of thing right think about it in terms of kind of this idea of like push and pull right where there's kind of an unpredictable because that's what kind of creates an appreciation for things right if it's the same thing every single day it becomes this this thing where it eventually becomes something that's expected and something that it's it's really it's the same it's the exact same principle and the question is for you how much of a difference do you want to make in changing and how quickly do you want to do that and whether you need to or not right it's one of those things like sometimes I talk about these things and women will be like well how do I do this in my healthy kind of situation in my healthy relationship and it's like why are you trying to fix something that's not broken right and usually women that come to me are coming from a space where they have a really painful or sad or broken situation that they're trying to fix but if you're coming in here and you just love my ideas and you love doing this stuff and you love some of the stuff that I'm talking about and you're just trying to make something even better you can make small little changes but you don't want to make something that's extreme if things are going really well what you want to do is you want to test things a little bit right test like see see if there's a difference right if you guys are texting every single day see if there's a difference when you take a day off see if there's a difference if you take two days off see if there's a difference if instead of talking every single day seven days a week you only talk three days a week and just see if there's a difference when you're actually on that chat with him or you're you're in a call or whatever with him where all of a sudden he he seems more eager and he seems more attentive and he seems like he's really into it more right so pay attention to how he's responding and then test based on that and that will give you an answer if you're in a situation that's not totally broken right now Regina said nice thank you Linda says what about writing with the opposite sex but he doesn't do anything outside with you I don't I don't understand what that means what about writing with the opposite sex but he doesn't oh so like you're writing like in a car share together is that what you're talking about like you guys car share or car pool together and he doesn't do anything outside with you I don't know what you're trying to ask here or what you're looking for or anything about your situation so you need to explain that a little bit more that would help me out Geraldine says I love your American accent from an English rose lady thank you I appreciate that I'm glad you like my American accent so Brittany says if there is a female friend he had history with physically okay we already talked about this Denise said so far the healthy space is great Ari says in a long distance relationship planning to see each other for a week once a month should I see him all those days in a row since he won't see since we won't see each other the rest of the month yeah I mean it's different so if you guys are in a situation where you're in a long distance relationship and you see each other for one week out of the four weeks that's already a lot of space the question you know should you guys spend every single day together when you're there it kind of depends on what's going on with you right like what's going on with your situation and what you need to start doing here in regards with the concept of scarcity is you want to start paying attention to how your man acts around you right so if you're in a like I was talking about before like if you're in a long distance situation and things are great like don't even worry about it if you're in a healthy relationship and things are great don't even really worry about it if you want to do something test out small little things and just notice the difference in how he's responding how attentive he is in the moment and how much he's paying attention to you how much he's investing in you how much he's going out of his way how much his desire changes for you how does he start complaining like how is he reacting when you do things and doing small little things right don't go to the extremes I just talked about the extremes thing earlier don't go to the extremes do little things and just find out like what's going on there is it making things better is it making things worse kind of test out for your situation that's really ultimately if you were to coach yourself that would be what you'd need to do is you'd need to test out how does this impact our relationship together is our relationship in a good space how is he reacting see one of the problems that a lot of women get into they're focused on how they feel they start projecting their feelings to this guy and they're not noticing that this guy is having problems which is one of the reasons why they start getting even more kind of like oh my god everything's so great and he's so amazing because he starts pulling back a little bit and she her love starts growing and she doesn't even notice it and so she's so sucked into her own thing that she's not paying attention to what's going on with him and you want to pay attention to what's going on with him to see if there's anything wrong right because he will tell you through his actions and his behavior whether there's something missing or there's something wrong in the situation and that's when you need to calibrate whether you do something differently or not in your situation is based on what's going on with him so that's that okay so Belle says I have a friend who is having trouble with her boyfriend apparently he is down sick and he has been in and out of the hospital and now he has been silent for a few days now what should she do well I mean you know how sick is this guy is he like on his death bed you know that's a serious concern I mean you know one you want to consider along they've been seeing each other if she considers him her boyfriend and they've been seeing each other for a while and he's sick and he's been in and out of the hospital and all of a sudden he's not communicating anymore I mean there might be some legitimate reasons to be concerned here right like you know what's going on is she in contact with his family you know how well does she actually know this guy and how connected are they together and what was their relationship like and that should tell you what she should do if the relationship is really great and she's connected with his parents and his siblings and his friends and stuff she can communicate with them and be like hey have you heard from him at all you know or like what's going on here like he was in the hospital I haven't heard from him for days just wanted to check and see if there's something wrong and if she's not connected to all those people one you want to consider whether the relationship is really all that good if she's not connected with her his friends and his family and two if she does have a really good relationship but there's some weird reason why she's not connected to his friends and his family then there might be a need to kind of contact the hospital and find out what's going on there so I mean it really kind of depends on the situation and how connected they are and how good of a relationship they have and whether it's good or bad and if it's bad then what she needs to do is just chill out and lean back and if it's really good then what she needs to do is one why would he go silent on her for a few days if they have a really good relationship and two yeah I mean there's just so many questions that I have about like this scenario that you're proposing to me right here and I think that there could be a lot of different things that are going on Tiffany says you're like days by myself can I say that of course how do you say it without being cold well it's one of those things where I don't think it's I mean it depends on the situation that you're in like are you in a relationship where you guys are like with each other all the time you know and you're living together and all that kind of stuff or you in a situation where you're still dating somebody but they're just like really all over you and you guys are just communicating all the time and what does that mean exactly you want days by yourself like maybe it's something like what do you do on this day by yourself are you like going out on a boat and hanging out on a boat are you like going to an animal shelter and hanging out with some animals are you like you know canoe and rowing down the river what are you doing in this time when you're spending by yourself are you just hanging out watching movies or whatever it's better to say what it like if you're communicating with a guy and you're talking to somebody and you want some space and you want some time to yourself it's better to talk about like what's going on with you and just be like hey you know like I really kind of need I like need a me day today and I'm going to be like you know watching movies and doing all this stuff and so if I don't like if I don't seem really super responsive like it's nothing personal like I still really like you and I still love talking to you and stuff I just kind of need some space to kind of re-energize or whatever because I'm an introvert and I've got issues with being around people all the time and so sometimes I just need this space right so when you when you communicate like what's actually going on with you then it like there's this kind of principle in psychology where they talk about giving reasons why and when you give reasons why all of a sudden it goes from this thing that might be suspicious like oh is she like like pushing me aside does she have somebody else is there you know all these different things going on in your head to all of a sudden it's like they just trust you more because you are actually talking about what really is going on with you and you're like hey you know I have this problem where I have serious social anxiety and when I'm around people all the time next thing you know I have to spend like a few hours in the bathroom and I just feel really bad in my stomach because that you know I mean you're talking about it when I say that to you all of a sudden it's not like hey I need to be by myself right now you know I need some time by myself and you're not like oh well you know this person is trying to brush me off and all of a sudden you're like okay well maybe this person has like a legitimate concern here that maybe I should actually think about right hmm hmm jazz 808 says what do you do 36 year old man dating 56 year old woman married woman okay from work and I'm in love I have to pull away for good but hard as hell how do I do this are you are you the man or the married woman that's what I want to know jazz 808 are you the man or the married woman in this scenario creepy says men are complicated maybe but so are women creepy says but as women we understand each other yeah and as men we sometimes understand each other as well how's my hair my hair good how's my hair briny says yes one woman he has history with I think maybe we kind of broke off what we were talking about there creepy says I'm not calling you anymore where's my wedding ring where's my wedding wedding ring I'm not calling you anymore Tiffany bunny Monday says I am newly dating someone we spent three days in a row he then said I can't see you tomorrow I told him that is great we need time apart you have a life and so do I that's okay thank you so much super helpful yes we are exclusive creepy says I need dozen roses for forgiveness I just I really want to emphasize here that forgiveness isn't about the other person when you forgive somebody else you're not saying that you condone someone's behavior what you're saying is I don't want you to control how I feel anymore because when you are in a situation where you are still angry at somebody there's nothing wrong with being angry if you're feeling emotions like that you should get into those emotions and express them and get through those emotions so that you can get to the other side of them and you can get to a space where you can feel like you can forgive but forgiveness is really about you it's about healing you it's about allowing you to be free from being controlled by somebody else which is what happens when you don't forgive is you let somebody else control how you're experiencing your life you want to forgive quickly or let go so there's kind of this forgiveness and there's this kind of let go and they're kind of similar concepts and you want to do whatever works for you best so if it's forgiving that works for you where you can end up letting go of something then you want to forgive and if it's kind of this coming from the space where you're just like you know what there's really nothing I can do about this isn't going to apologize or whatever I'm just going to let go of it because holding on to it is what causes me suffering it causes me pain it makes me miserable I get to feel like I'm right but it doesn't allow me to experience happiness anymore in my life and once you get to that space a lot of times you can just let go of it instead of needing to necessarily forgive somebody Shirley Brown says Matthew thank you for your advice I 100% get it awesome that's good to hear wow there's a lot of there are lots and lots of questions here on this one today unfortunately we have run out of time so thank you everybody for being here again if you really want to get into a relationship where you're seen and loved and valued by a great man make sure you go to theforeverwomanformula.com this what I talked about today with scarcity is one of the components of the forever woman program and that program is free and so you can go to the forever woman formula.com right now and go get that program for free if you want my whole system on how to attract a great man and get into a great relationship where you are cherished and you're seen as the priority and you're treated really really well and so that's my suggestion for everybody if you haven't gotten that program yet you should go and get that program it's free it really doesn't make any sense for you not to and it's got my best material on how to attract a great guy and make sure that you get into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by the man that you want to have in your life and so I suggest that you go do that thank you everybody for being here thank you everybody for asking questions and allowing me to be on your journey to helping you get into the relationship that you've always wanted sometimes I'm not able to get to everybody's questions sometimes I am so thank you for asking them and we will do more of these live streams in the future I love doing these live streams interacting with you there's some dating advice experts out there that I've talked to and I'm friends with most of the guys that are the biggest in the industry and a lot of them don't like interacting with the women in their community I love interacting with you I love hanging out with you I love talking with you I love you guys I love you and I think you're amazing and I really want you to be hard to have a relationship where you're treated the way that you want to be treated by a great guy who absolutely loves you and adores you and so again make sure you go and pick up my program at the foreverwomanformula.com and thank you so much for being here and I will speak with you again soon