 Hey there! Welcome to the Darren Marlar Radio Show. I'm Darren Marlar, and coming up today, we have a woman who assaults her mother with a cheeseburger. Honestly, it's always the best policy, right? But sometimes it doesn't help your case if your brain is on drugs. We'll have that story for you coming up later on. There is quite a bizarre mystery going on at the Avon Lake Ohio Public Library. I'll tell you a little bit more about that. Andrew Aquilini. Andrew A. Why must people have names that I can't pronounce? Anyway, Andrew, he thought he snagged a great bargain for a 52-inch plasma screen television on eBay. It turned out, though, to be a moment of duh. We'll have his story coming up later on as well. We'll do some question impossible. Also, hiring a matchmaker. It goes horribly wrong for one wealthy woman, and you will understand why she is suing the matchmaker once you hear her totally outrageous story. Bugs and ice cream make it into today's weird holidays. Don't worry though, they're not together. Or are they? I guess you'll have to keep listening to find out. I'm going to start today with this story, though. Wouldn't it be great to be able to push a button at all the traffic lights would turn green for you? Wouldn't that be amazing? Well, that's what a couple of artists of scam artists in Miami, they were hoping you would want that. The device does not exist, though. Dagnabbit. They called these the go boxes, and they promised that they would change red lights to green with just a push of a remote control button. But there was no go with the go boxes. People sent in checks to purchase these devices, and often they would get instructions on how to build the go box themselves, which turned out to be nothing more than a flashing strobe light. Others got nothing at all. The go boxes were advertised on the internet, sold for $69 to $150. The suspects, Johnny Green and Lisa Moon, they were indicted on charges of mail and wire fraud. Selina Gomez, she recently tweeted that she can hardly wait for people to forget about me. Okay, well, you know, one idea might be to stop tweeting that you hope people forget about you. It just reminds them that you exist. If you like to, well, like me, if you want to poke me on Facebook, although who even pokes anymore? I don't know who does that, but you can tweet me, you can follow me, you can stalk me, you can find links to all of my social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Minds.com. It's all there at DarrenOnTheAir.com. That's D-A-R-R-E-N, DarrenOnTheAir.com. Let's take a look at today's weird, wacky, strange, zany, odd, bizarre, quirky, unusual holidays. Today's Monday, August 21st. You have 125 shopping days until Christmas, and today is Scrape Off the Bugs Day. Off of what? Well, I don't know. Maybe we're supposed to scrape them off of the Spamoni, because today is National Spamoni Day. Actually, I never really cared for the name Spamoni for ice cream. Tastes great, but the name Spamoni always kind of bugged me. It sounded like it should come with garlic and tomato sauce, you know? It sounds like an attack. Or, if you remember the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Spamoni. It's gonna sound like the guy who got a pizza delivered to him during Mr. Hand's class. And today is Play a New Part Day. Whatever it is that you do, do something different today, at home, at work, wherever you happen to be. Try something new, play a part. In fact, I have decided that today I'm gonna just take a shot at being a radio professional. And if it goes well, I might treat myself to some Spamoni. Scientists say that one day we might be able to store data in our DNA. Meaning the Kardashians will still be shallow, right down to the molecular level. If you like a few laughs after the show, you can check out my daily dose of weird news. I have a new episode every weekday, including today. And you can find them all at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Well, up next, hiring a matchmaker goes horribly wrong for one wealthy woman. You'll understand why she's suing the matchmaker once you hear her story. First though, here it is that it's that time of year, back to school shopping. And a lot of parents, they see this as a tedious yearly task. But what if you could make it meaningful? What if you could make back to school shopping this year more of a like a missions trip? Well, for countless kids around the nation, school supplies, they're not even on their radar, much less new clothes and shoes. So as you take your kids shopping for back to school items this year, you might consider buying doubles of a few things to help another child somewhere who might who is also able to attend school but not able to buy the supplies and clothes that they need. In fact, you can a lot of churches around the nation do this kind of thing. You can find a church near you that's already doing this if you want to make a donation. Or if you can't find one, maybe you can start a campaign at your own church or your office, your place of business. If you want to donate online to this kind of idea and actually learn a little bit more about it, you can check out MissionBackpack.org. It's a pretty great idea. MissionBackpack.org. Today's question impossible, the doll Barbie has a last name. Did you know that? Well, what is her last name? Again, the Barbie doll. Barbie has a last name. What is Barbie's last name? I'll give you the answer to that later on in the show. I'm Darren Marlar. If you'd like to send me an email or be a part of the show, you can do that at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Just click on the radio show tab at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Well, hiring a matchmaker, it goes horribly wrong for one wealthy woman. You can understand why it when you hear her story. Darlene Daggett. She is the former President for U.S. Commerce for the QVC Home Shopping Channel. And while she may have been a success in business, her personal life was a little less than stellar. So, she hired Keller Her International, an exclusive matchmaking service that she claims charged her $150,000 and then set her up with a string of highly incompatible suitors. How incompatible were they? Well, they included men who were married, mentally unstable, even felons. So, she sued. No surprise, right? Keller Her must have felt she had a case because they settled the lawsuit just hours after it was filed in federal court last week. Per the lawsuit, the 62-year-old Daggett, a divorced mom of four, wanted someone to spend her retirement with and she felt that social dating sites just wouldn't provide her with the degree of screening and privacy that she was looking for. She said she paid the $150,000 for a CEO-level membership, which turned out to be absolutely worthless. Her attorneys described one match as a disgraced New York judge who was censured for sleeping with an attorney. Another said that he was waiting for his terminally ill wife to die before he began dating again. Another claimed he suffered from trauma that caused him to lie uncontrollably. Daggett said she later pursued a stalking complaint when that relationship turned sour and that suitor is now awaiting sentencing on a $10.5 million federal bank fraud case. Wow! You know, after my first date with Brenda, she put a padlock on her front door, but that didn't stop me from getting a power drill and a bolt cutter. I think she's just playing hard to get. I knew there was something very wrong with Chuck. When one night I caught him riffling through my trash, he told me he was collecting my youths popsicle sticks so he could remember me. What a sicko! I've been leaving messages on Brenda's answering machine 25 times a day for two months straight. I think the reason she hasn't returned my calls is because she's testing me to see how much I care about her. Yeah, she'll call back. There's a reason why there's an increase in restraining orders from couples who have met on estalker.com. Hi, I'm Dr. Neil Clarkbar, founder of estalker.com. Obsession is not just a picture in a paragraph, it's a lifelong commitment. Hi, this is Brenda. Please leave a message. Hi, Brenda. It's me again. Why don't you return my calls? I'm sorry for painting your car worry because I love you so much. Go to estalker.com and see for yourself why more estalker matches result in absolute disaster than any other dating service out there. Hey weirdos, welcome to the Darren Marlar radio show. If you'd like to keep up with everything I do, you can sign up for my newsletter. It's the Marlar sheet and you can sign up for it at DarrenOnTheAir.com. A company claims it is selling a drone that can walk dogs. If you're so lazy that you're to the point of buying a drone to walk your dog, maybe it's best you just not get a dog. It's your birthday wrap up for Monday, August 21, 2017. Celebrating birthdays today from Desperate Housewives actor Cody Cash is 30. Cash, Cache, Kasek, Cache. I didn't watch Desperate Housewives, how am I supposed to know? You know her as Gertrude Lang and Mr. Holland's Opus. I had the biggest crush on her when that movie came out. She also played Libby in Vanilla Sky, The Upside of Anger, Law and Order Criminal Intent actress Alicia Witt is 42. From Red Planet, Chocolat and The Matrix movies, actress Kiri Ann Moss is 47. By the way, my wife and I are watching Netflix now. There's a TV show called Crossing Lines and she ended up being on that as well. She's phenomenal just about everything she does. From Biloxi Blues, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Godzilla, 1997. The really bad Godzilla movie. Inspector Gadget, Matthew Broderick is 55 and singer actor Kenny Rogers is 79. In response, Yahoo Finance came out with a new report on deleting your information from the Apple, Android and Windows 10 devices. If you want to get the details on this, I do have a link to that article in my blog right now at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Coming up, a brawl takes place at a funeral home, but first, it's today's question impossible. The question again was, the dull Barbie has a real name. What is Barbie's real name? Or the last name that is? Barbie's last name is Roberts. Barbie Roberts. This episode is brought to you by the audiobook True Tales of Haunted Places by G. Michael Vacey, narrated by Darren Marlar. Anywhere and anything can be haunted and many people from all walks of life experience strange things in surprising locations. As you'll discover, the prettiest of places, the most innocent of places, and the most unexpected places can be filled with supernatural forces and pure demonic malevolence. Haunted places, churches, hospitals, forests, the workplace and more. Horrifying true tales of ghosts, demons, poltergeists and the paranormal. Come and be chilled by people's creepy experiences with the supernatural in ordinary everyday places. Warning, listening to this book may increase nervousness. Hear a free sample and support Marlar House by downloading the audiobook for yourself at MarlarHouse.com. A brawl broke out at a Dayton, Ohio funeral home recently during the viewing. According to a police report, a woman arrived at the viewing, claiming to be the current girlfriend of the deceased man. However, that man's wife asked the woman to be removed from the viewing. While an altercation ensued between these two women, a family member attending the viewing pepper sprayed both women so the fight would break up. It was so unexpected and exciting that the grandkids in the back row stood up and started yelling, Encore! Encore! Hey, if you missed any part of today's show or shows in the past, you can find them all on the radio show page at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Coming up next, Andrew Aquilini. He thought that he snagged a great bargain for a 52-inch plasma screen television on eBay, but it turned out to be a moment of duh. I'm Darren Marlar and welcome to these show weirdos and ladies. How do you make him fall in love with you? Take that guy on a roller coaster ride, or take him bungee jumping, or white-water rafting. Literally. Turns out that stomach flips, adrenaline, and screams associated with any white-knuckle event creates a rush of the hormone that makes us guys fall in love. According to research from Richard Robinson, author of The One You Fancy Never Fancies You, that hormone is called phenyl phylamine, and it's an important component in the science of attraction. It's secreted when you see somebody that you really like. In fact, this makes total sense. 22 years ago, I fell in love with my wife Robin from the adrenaline rush of being in the passenger seat when she was driving. My heart is still racing. Hillary Clinton is set to release her book What Happened next month that explains her loss in the 2016 election. It's said to be a very quick read, just one page, saying I was a terrible candidate. You know, there's a lot of buzz today about the solar eclipse that's taking place, so much so that yesterday I decided to take a little time and create a video about the history of the solar eclipse and how it affected our ancient ancestors, how they reacted to it, both with fear and also in the religion that they incorporated into it. Christopher Columbus was a real jerk when it came to the solar eclipse, too. You can hear that story and a whole bunch of them. In the video I created yesterday, it's the latest Weird Darkness episode. You can find that on the Weird Darkness tab at DarrenOnTheAir.com. Right now, though, it's time for today's Moment of Duh and instead of a plasma television with a great picture, Andrew Aquilini ended up paying $2,000 for a 52-inch picture of a TV set. Andrew, he was one of three people scammed by an 18-year-old Brian Kim on eBay. Buyers thought they were getting a TV with a great picture. Instead, they just paid thousands for a great picture of a plasma TV. Andrew and two others scammed buyers they alerted eBay who quickly contacted authorities. Mr. Kim was arrested and charged with theft by deception. If you didn't know, avocados are all the rage these days. And unfortunately, that comes with some painful realities. Hey everybody, welcome to the Darren Marlar radio show. I'm Darren Marlar and Emergency Room Doctors are reporting a sharp increase in the number of amateur chefs winding up with serious stab and slash injuries as they attempt to cut through the soft flesh and remove the hard pits of avocados. Docs have even dubbed the injury Avocado Hand. Freya Watson, a TV producer in London, said, I had to go to the ER and get three stitches and I have lost most of the sensation in my finger. One doctor said that he sees as many as four patients a week with Avocado Hand. So if you're an unskilled person yourself when it comes to a knife, maybe watch a few tutorials before attempting to dissect your avocado. Up next here on the show, there's quite a bizarre mystery going on at the Avon Lake Ohio Public Library. Some details on that story up next. First though, British scientists have developed a new melt-proof recipe for chocolate. The heat tolerant chocolate developed by Cadbury engineers remains solid even when exposed to temperatures in excess of 104 degrees or 40 degrees Celsius for more than three hours in fact. So it doesn't melt in your mouth or your hands. It won't melt at 104 degrees but our body temperature is 98.6. That means it's not going to melt in our mouths either. What's the fun in that then? Unless you have a really high fever at which point it would melt, but then at that point you probably don't need the chocolate. Bottled water may not be any healthier or safer than tap water, according to Florida-based sports nutritionist and dietitian Cynthia Sass, who says that 25% of bottled water on store shelves is actually just repackaged tap water. A recent Gallup poll found that we drink bottled water because we think it's pure than tap water, tastes better and is more convenient. Well, more convenient? What could be more convenient than walking outside and drinking from the hose? Deep from beneath the sinks and tubs of the city, up through the pipes that run below the sewers and subways, gurgling forth to refresh the thirst of the nation's dwellers, comes the miracle of men. And that is the miracle of tap water. Tap water. Yellow, brown, and now no bottles to return, no funny carbonated taste, just good old wet and colorful. Tap water, the affordable refresher. Now fortified with lifesaving pharmaceuticals. Hey, if you'd like to hear any of my past shows, you can find them anytime both on my website at darwinontheair.com or you can download my free mobile app to search for Marlar House, M-A-R-L-A-R, house in your phone app store. It's absolutely free. Up next, honesty is always the best policy, but sometimes it doesn't help your case if your brain is on drugs. That story is on the way. First though, there's quite a bizarre mystery going on at the Avalon Lake Ohio Public Library. The staff, they've been scratching their heads about this, trying to figure out who has scattered 30 empty A1 steak sauce bottles around the place over the past two months. No clues offered from surveillance tapes, either. Most of the bottles have turned up in the adult fiction and non-fiction sections. The library is completely stumped. They've pretty much ruled out prankster kids as the bottles appear to be left during school hours. A library manager wonders if this is maybe some kind of fourth-dimensional chess match, asking, is it a game that we don't know how to play? Well, I think you're right there. I think it is a game. You don't know how to play it, and you are the pawns. The California man was arrested recently for posing as a dentist while cooking meth in his office. The red flag for police was when the man's patients kept coming out with worse teeth than they went in with. Yep, they kept coming back for more. Hey, I'm Darren Marlar. Welcome to the show, Weirdos. And if you want to to like me, tweet me, follow me, stalk me, you can find links to all of my social media at DarrenOnTheAir.com. That's D-A-R-R-E-N, DarrenOnTheAir.com. Our next story, a woman assaults her mother with a cheeseburger. First, though, it's our brain-on-drug story. And each day that I share this with you, it's about people doing dumb things under the influence. But addiction itself, that is no laughing matter. If you or somebody you know needs help, there's a toll-free number that you can call. It's 1-800-438-0380. That's the addiction, hope, and helpline. 1-800-438-0380. And today's brain-on-drugs, honesty is always the best policy. But sometimes it doesn't help your case. An Ohio police officer recently pulled over a van with the suspicion that the driver was driving under the influence of alcohol. After pulling over 42-year-old Nancy Lange to give her a sobriety test, she said, �Please, give me a break. I'm drunk.� Believe it or not, she was arrested and charged with speeding, driving under the influence of alcohol, driving with a suspended license, and driving with expired license plates. But hey, at least she was honest. Airbnb. I've never used them, but you know who they are, right? You can actually, instead of using a motel or a hotel somewhere, you can rent somebody's house to wherever you're going, to your destination. If somebody is going to be gone from their house, they'll leave it open for rent. That's how Airbnb works. Well, reportedly, the Airbnb folks, they are permanently banning white supremacists from making reservations on the site. That sounds great, but how do you plan on doing that? How do you know if somebody is a white supremacist just by their name when they try to make a reservation? Unless their name is Whitey McBlackhater, how do you know? �Listen, friends, it's one thing to play a bigot on TV and it's quite another thing to be a bigot in real life. You know, there are still people around who are willing to hurt other people by judging them primarily on their race or their religious beliefs. Our bigotry has not helped Archie Bunker's life. You know that. It has spoiled it in many ways, small and large. Hey, if you like a few laughs after the show, you can check out my Daily Dose of Weird News. I have a new episode every weekday. You can click on the Daily Dose of Weird News tab at DarrenOnTheAir.com. That's D-A-R-R-E-N, DarrenOnTheAir.com. Police are investigating after a woman assaulted her mother with a cheeseburger at a McDonald's in Indianapolis. The Metro police there recalled after the two women got in a fight because the mom told her daughter that she could no longer stay at her home. Reportedly, the mom drove her daughter to somebody else's house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go. A 60-year-old mother told officers that her daughter, 39 years old, started yelling at her, so she stopped at McDonald's. According to the police report, the victim stated her daughter yelled, Beeword, I ought to kill you, and hit her in the left side of her face with her hand and the cheeseburger. The mom told police she had pain on the left side of her face, which was still red and swollen when they arrived. The daughter got into another driver's vehicle and fled the scene. There you go. Great idea, by the way, daughter. Yeah, it's these kinds of actions. These actions are exactly what a mom wants to see, so she'll invite you to stay at the house after all. Well played. If you'd like to drop me an email, you can do it very easily. Just click on the radio show tab at DeronOnTheAir.com or click on the envelope on the right column. Either way, it'll work for you. That's DeronOnTheAir.com. Well, that does it for me today. Hope you had a great time, weirdos. I know I did. I'm going to leave you with this thought. The best way to take the cranky out of your day. It is Monday, so people tend to be a little cranky on Mondays, so here's an idea. Grab a little nap time. In a study from the University of California at Berkeley, participants who took a 60-90 minute nap were more receptive to happy facial expressions than people who did not nap. Furthermore, non-nappers were more reactive to negative emotions, suggesting that being well-rested helps us modulate our feelings. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm out of here and headed to bed. Good night, ladies. Hit it, sweetheart.