 So in approximately six days, I will be turning seven years clean and sober. No drugs, no alcohol. It's actually my real birthday as well. So I'll also be turning 34. But anyways, what I wanted to do is make a series of videos discussing how I hit different years of sobriety because they were all a little bit different. So in this video, let's talk about how to get one year clean and sober. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, typically what I like to do is take a look at what's going on in the YouTube community or movies or TV shows or pop culture. Try to see what lessons we can learn from them. But I am very, very passionate about mental health, addiction, recovery and all of that. So you get a little, a little variety when you come to my channel. But if you're into any of that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and do me a favor. For my birthday, you, all your friends, go follow me on Instagram and Twitter at the Rewired Soul. All right. I love engaging with all of you beautiful people. And I put a different announcements and everything like that. Like, you know, when I put up a new blog post or a podcast and all that good stuff. So follow me on Instagram and Twitter at the Rewired Soul. Okay, so yeah, I'm going to talk about my first year sober. So a couple things. I've already talked about like my past, my addiction and everything like that. I'll try to link some videos up in the info card. Like I recently just shared like my whole story, but I didn't dive too much into the first year sober. Just a few things that kind of got the ball rolling and how my life changed and everything like that. But the second thing is, like, I, I hope you realize this, but I'll just say it, you know, like everybody's path of recovery is different. All right. My way is not the best way. My way might not be the right way for you. Something I was taught very early on was what keeps me clean might get you loaded. All right. So what I was taught was just, you know, listen to these stories, get inspiration, maybe some of the tips and tools might be able to help you out. All right. And if you know anybody who's struggling with addiction or in their first year cleaning sober, do me a favor, share this video with them. All right. So anyways, first year sober. I was in a sober living house. Okay. I didn't have any money. I didn't have any health insurance. Nobody would let me live with them, not even my own mother. So the only thing my mom would do was pay for my sober living house. And I got sober in Fresno, California. The sober living I was staying at was about $500 a month. So she paid that. And like, I went from making like almost six figures a year to having nothing. I had like three pairs of clothes. My mom was giving me a $40 a week allowance. I smoke so that barely covered the cost of cigarettes. Like I had nada. All right. I had to go apply for food stamps. I had to get like bus tokens from the city or the state rather. And like, yeah, I was just low budget early recovering addict. All right. But anyways, in my sober living house, we were required to go to five meetings a week. And like I hated meetings. I hated 12 step meetings so much. I thought it was all about like, you know, God or Jesus, I thought they were going to try to convert me and like I ain't about that life, everything like that. But I was I was supposed to go to five meetings a week. Now here's the thing, like you have to get a little piece of paper signed. So my first week or two there, I forged those signatures. There was like a couple times where I tried to like cram all the meetings on one day because I'm a huge procrastinator. But other times I forced the signature. All right. But what ended up happening was I started to go crazy, right? Because I usually self medicated with drugs or alcohol. And now I couldn't do that because I would have been kicked out on the streets. So to get out of my head, I asked the guys in the house, I'm like, yo, can you take me to a meeting with you? So I started going to narcotics anonymous meetings because I figured like, okay, maybe I'm a drug addict and not an alcoholic. Right. And what I ended up learning was just like, I'll take recovery wherever I can get. All right. I've done some videos in the past about just my opinions on the differences between the two and everything. But the thing is, I'm the type of drug addict where I'll take any substance that alters my state of mind. So I work my recovery in the same way where I'll just go anywhere where I can get some recovery. So I went into the meetings. I thought everything was a bunch of crap, right? And I ended up sitting in there for three months just listening. Okay, because I didn't want to do anything like I don't want to get a sponsor. I didn't want to work the steps. I didn't want to do a damn thing. And by the way, when I mentioned 12 step programs, I am not like somebody who is, you know, a representative of these programs or anything. I'm just purely sharing my experience. All right. So anyways, but they taught me that you don't need any of those things when you first get sober. You only need three things, honesty, open mindedness and willingness. All right. So those were the only three things I had. They said, all right, right now you don't need a higher power. You don't need a sponsor. You don't need the steps. You don't need any of that stuff. All you need is honesty, open mindedness and willingness. All right. So something I had to do was keep an open mind. So that's what I forced myself to do when I was in those meetings, right? So because for example, whenever about anybody would mention like the word God or something like that, my mind would just, it would just shut down or would just close like a steel trap, right? So I forced myself to keep listening, right? Or like a lot of us do, I was constantly comparing myself to others, right? Like this person's worse than me, this person's better than me, worse than me, better than me and everything like that. So I just had to keep listening and keep an open mind. Now the next thing was I had to be honest. I had to be honest with myself. I had to be honest when I shared, okay? But the biggest thing is willingness and that's where they get you. That's where they get you. If you're going to be willing, if you're trying to practice willingness, all the other stuff comes later. But anyways, like I said, after three months, I was in such a bad place and we call this a dry drunk. So three months into this thing, I was going to do one of two things, all right? I was either going to relapse or I was going to try to kill myself because I was that miserable in sobriety. Like I mentioned this in a video recently, like a lot of people are very depressed in early sobriety. So I knew something had to change. I knew something had to change. So finally, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to get a sponsor, okay? So I ended up finding a sponsor, even though I was going to both Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous, I ended up getting a sponsor who worked the AA program. And yeah, he told me to call him once a day. Like I thought that was crazy. I'm like, can I text you? And he's like, no, I said, call you, right? So I had to call him every single day. And yeah, like one of the first questions he asked me, he said, Chris, are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober? I'm like, that has stuck with me all this time because I told him, yes. And like, think about that. And if you're somebody in early recovery or, you know, whatever it is, like, like, are you willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober? Because I told this man, yes. So it's kind of silly if you think about it. I say, yeah, I'm doing what I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. And then he tells me to call him once a day. And then I'm like, well, when I said I'll do anything, I didn't mean like anything, right? Like, it's not a crazy request, right? And then he asked me to read the big book and he, you know, just very simple things. Like he didn't ask me to like go out and save the world or like rescue children from a burning building or whatever it is. Like it was very, very simple. But for me, somebody who likes to do my own thing and has a problem with authority, and I don't like listening to anybody like it was one of the hardest things that I had to do. But again, like I told him, I was willing to do whatever it takes to get sober. And I remember that first year sober because I'm a workaholic. And some of you, you know that about me, right? Like right now I'm making YouTube videos. I'm working on my next book. I'm on Twitter and Instagram and you know, I'm doing all sorts of stuff, right? I've been going to the gym lately. I spend time with my beautiful girlfriend and my son. And I go to 12 step meetings still all these things. I'm doing a million things. But anyways, like in early sobriety, I was going insane because I was pending disability. So I wasn't allowed to work. And I remember telling my mom, I'm like, mom, I'm going nuts. Like I need to work like screw disability. Just forget about that. I need to go work. Right. And I remember what my mom told me and I was very fortunate because not everybody has the same opportunity. But my mom said, your first year sober, make your sobriety your job. Right. And then that kind of clicked for me. I was like, Oh, right? So all the work, all the effort that I would put into a regular job, why don't I put that into my recovery? And here's the thing, like I was so fortunate to have my first year, just no job, no nothing. I was able to focus 1000% on my recovery. And when I was working in the treatment center, I would try to explain that to people like, listen, like you guys don't have like tons of time. Like you need to get this thing right now, like do not waste a single minute. So I started to work on my recovery as hard as I would work on any other job. So I got better at calling my sponsor every single day. I got better at reading my big book. I got better at going to meetings. I got better at calling people once a day. Like something else that happened was I had to start taking suggestions. Like I was such a thick headed person and so stubborn, like so many people are. And I'm like a three year old, right? When people tell me to do something, I'm like, why? Why? Why do I need to do that? Why do I need to do this? Right? But I was so desperate to quit being crazy that I was like, you know what, I will literally do whatever it takes. So when people suggested things, I just started doing it. Like people taught me like, when you're stuck in your head and you're feeling terrible, pick up the phone and call another addict or alcoholic and ask them how they're doing. And I'm like, that sounds crazy, right? Because when I'm in it, when I'm going through it, I want you to call me. I want you to text me and ask me how I'm doing, right? But I just did it and something crazy happened. I would call people and they would say, Oh my God, thanks for calling me right now, Chris. That's crazy. Like I was just really having a rough day and I'm so I'm so grateful that you call, right? I'm like, Oh, right? Or I would just ask them how they were doing and they would tell me about what's going on in their life. And now my problems don't seem so bad. But for any addict or alcoholic, most of our life, we feel so useless, right? We're useless to ourselves. We're useless to others. And being there for other people really helped because something else I was taught was to be of service to others. They told me that the number one thing you could do to stay sober is be of service to other people. Be there for other people, right? And I did like, I was constantly looking for different ways. Like I get a lot of people who ask me like, What can I do? How could I be of service? Do I have to go feed the homeless? And it's like being of service like it's nothing crazy. Like for example, like I said, calling people and asking them how they're doing, like just be there for somebody because so many of us are so selfish and self-centered. Like I know I was. So I had to start forcing myself to start caring about other people. And I would do other things. Like in my first year sober, my mom tore some ligaments in her knee. And I would just offer to like run some errands for her. Like go grocery shopping for her and like, you know, put her groceries away to walk her dog to help clean her house. I would just say, Hey, how can I help you? When other people in the rooms were, you know, in need of help, maybe they were moving or, you know, painting or whatever it is, I would just say yes. I was taught when people ask for help, just say yes. Obviously, there's like a limit, right? Like some random stranger just came up to me and asked me for a kidney. This is probably bad from all the drinking and music. I'm kidding. It's actually pretty good. But anyways, like I wouldn't just randomly give somebody a kidney, but like there's boundaries that I had to learn to set. But speaking of boundaries, I was so afraid to work the steps. It was hard, right? Like the first step, like that was just admitting to myself that I suffer from this disease of addiction, right? I have a mental obsession and a physical craving. Like you can't go any further. I couldn't go any further until I admitted to myself that once I start, I cannot stop. It takes complete control over my life. But my first step was a two-parter. Not only am I an addict or alcoholic and alcoholic, but my life is unmanageable. See, something that I thought was my life was unmanageable because of the drugs and alcohol. But the reality was my life was just unmanageable because you could take the drugs and alcohol away from me and my life can still be a hot mess. So step two, it wasn't as crazy as a lot of people. Well, my experience wasn't as crazy. I didn't really have to jump into the higher power thing. I just had to believe that something could help restore me to sanity. And in the beginning, that thing was just the rooms. It was my sponsor. I believed, I believed that the dude who was sponsoring me could help me turn my life around. That was it. That was all my step two was. I believed that this guy could help me. I believed that the people in 12-step meetings could help me. That's all it was. Step three, that's when some things got tricky. That is about turning your will and your life over the care of God as you understand him. So now, still at this point, I was still like an atheist, agnostic, didn't really know or anything like that. But a lot of that was just relinquishing control. I'm a control freak. And I had to realize that I cannot control people, places and things. I also had to realize that my best ideas get me into a ton of trouble. So what I had to do, I had to start relying on other people to guide my thinking. Because I'm the type of guy where I want to pop off on people. I want to freak out. The solution to all my problems is turning to alcohol and drugs. So I had to stop doing the things that I wanted to do. This is something that I cannot express is one of the most important things to learn in early recovery is that when we do what we want to do, we get into a lot of trouble. And then I moved on to my fourth step. Not going to lie, worked on my fourth step for most of the rest of the year. And it's because of a few things. One, I had a ton of anger issues. Two, they got worse. What's the sort of work on my fourth step? Another one is it's like it was difficult. Any of you who have worked on a fourth step, you know what I mean. But anyways, as I was working on, oh, another one is I had 133 people, places and situations on my resentment list. And those of you who aren't familiar with 12 step programs, like that's a big list. And it's not a competition. Like that just shows you how sick I was. Right? The second time I went back to do a fourth step, though, to show you how much progress I made, like over over the course of my sobriety was the next time I did one, that list was down to 30, right? Like I still get resentments, but it's not this massive list. And part of working that fourth step, I got so much clarity. One of the most pivotal moments in my step work was in the fourth step, where I was writing all these things down about people who were pissing me off all the resentments I had. And I realized I had such insane, unrealistic expectations of everybody else. Right? Like I expected people to be at this really high standard that I couldn't even hold myself to. You see what I mean? And that was huge. I was like, Oh my God, like I am not, I'm not being fair to anybody else in my life. Right? Not my parents, not my friends. Right? I expect my friends to never do this or this or this. And like something that I never want to be is a hypocrite. And as I'm writing my resentments down, I'm like, wait, I'm pissed off at my old boss or my old coworker or my ex-girlfriend. I'm pissed off at all these people for doing things that I do too. You know? And like, that's one of the things like I mentioned, I didn't have health insurance. I didn't have money for therapy. None of that. Right? And like the 12 step process was extremely, extremely therapeutic for me. I got so much clarity. Like things started to make sense. So during that year, it was really hard because I spent the entire time in California. And it was the hardest thing I ever had to do because I was away from my son. And I'll be honest with you. If I had to do it again, I would because I could not be in Las Vegas. Right? And I was very fortunate. My son's mom and her family are absolutely amazing. And they were just 100% on board with like Chris, you get well and we'll take care of Dylan. Right? And I'm also very fortunate that Mike, my son's 10 years old now. So he was do the math or like he was about three when I got sober. He doesn't even remember me being gone for a year. Right? And yeah, like it was so, so, so difficult. And there were so many times when I wanted to just like when I would get angry or pissed, I just wanted to drop everything to say screw it. Like anytime she would call me and tell me that he was like sick or even fussy or whatever. Like, I'm like, I need to go back to Las Vegas. Like, and that's where like my control issues come in. Right? Like he used to have like some problems with asthma when he was around that age and stuff. And it's like, what was I going to do? What was I going to do if I went to like Las Vegas from California? Was I going to tell the doctors, you know, what to do, you know, whatever? Like, he was in good hands. So I was able to visit him a little bit my first year. And like I came back to Vegas once or twice. But one of the last things I want to say about my first year sober. And by the way, make sure you're staying tuned because my second year was a hell of a lot harder than my first year. And you know, to be honest, like the first year, one of the only things I did right was not pick up a drink or a drug. And you know, I share based off my experience and I am so damn lucky. Like when we when we first get sober, there's so many things, right? The dos and the don'ts, don't do this, don't do that, right? All these things. I did all of it. I did all of it, right? There were times when I stopped talking to my sponsor, times I stopped going to meetings, times I stopped talking to my support group. I was trying to date. Luckily, that didn't work out. I actually have a video up about my first date sober and the hot mess that was right. But they taught me in my recovery. Actually, it was my sponsor who really drove this in my head. He said, Chris, you're gonna screw up. You're gonna screw up a lot. He's like, just don't pick up a drink or a drug, no matter what. And I was like, all right, fair enough, right? Because something I learned is I cause a lot of my own problems. Like it's me. I thought it was everybody else, right? I thought it was my mom or my dad or my ex-girlfriend or, you know, the person at the grocery store who like cut in front of me in line, thought it was a person who was driving like an A-hole on the freeway. No, no, I cause a lot of my own problems, especially with how I react to the world, right? So through that first year, I still caused a lot of my own pain and suffering. But the one thing I did right was I didn't pick up a drink or a drug, no matter what. And some days, some days that first year sober, when I was feeling so depressed, so down, missing my son, just hating myself for how I ruined my life, like I would remember when I went to sleep that night, like Chris, you didn't pick up a drink or a drug today. And that's crazy for a drug addict and alcoholic like myself. Like I used to not be able to go an hour without a drink or a drug, right? Sometimes I couldn't even go like 30 minutes, depending on how my day was, you know what I mean? But again, if I had to summarize this entire video, if you zoned out for some reason or another, the three things that kept me sober that first year were honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. All right, like I can go through every cliche saying there is out there. Like they taught me if nothing changes, nothing changes. They taught me if I even put in like a fraction of the effort into my sobriety that I did my addiction, I would be just fine, right? They taught me to be of service. I mentioned that so many things like I could do this video for five hours. But anyways, that is how I stayed sober my first year and the second year things really got crazy. All right, but anyways, if you're somebody who's been sober for a while, because I know I have a lot of people out there who have been sober for a while, let me know down in the comments below. Let's have a little conversation. What helped you the most your first year sober? Like what did you do? Summarize it. Give people some tips and advice. All right, but anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And don't forget, follow me on Instagram and Twitter. My birthday is coming up. Do me that little favor, all right? And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. And if you would like to help support what I'm doing here, you can click or tap on that Patreon icon right there. All right, thanks again so, so much for watching. I'll see you next time.