 I've gotten this question a few times, so I'm finally gonna address it in a video. But just know, we are going to be talking about some very sensitive subjects. If you are struggling right now, and you're having some really dark thoughts if you're in a bad place, make sure you check out the description down below or the comments. Give somebody a call, text, get some help, all right? What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, what I like to do typically is take different topics from the YouTube community or pop culture, try to see what lessons we can learn from them. But something I am very, very, very passionate about is mental health as well as addiction recovery. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. Also, real quick, exciting announcement. I've been talking about writing this book forever and I finally started. So I am currently writing my brand new book, Rewire Your Anxiety. So make sure you're following me over on Twitter and Instagram at the Rewired Soul. I just made an Instagram post, I just sent out a tweet and I'm trying to get topics from all of you for Rewire Your Anxiety. And the people whose topics I pick, you will get a free copy of the book. When it launches, I'm hoping in the next week or two. All right, so make sure you're following me over on Instagram and Twitter, get involved. I'm trying to write a book that'll help all of you out, all right? So yeah, I got this comment right here on my opioid withdrawal video. It's one of my most popular videos and I discussed in that video my experience with opioid withdrawal. And this question that this viewer asked is something that I've gotten a few times, all right? So I wanna talk about it, I wanna share my experience. Again, like I mentioned in the intro, make sure you check out the description below if you need help, all right? But don't give up, okay? So I wanna just explain from my personal experience because when I read comments like that, when I have people ask me that, like I get it. I've lost so many people in my life, so, so many people in my life, not only from overdoses, but also from suicide. And whenever this happens, it could be somebody you know or it could even be like a celebrity, like whenever a celebrity like Chester Bennington or Robin Williams, like takes their own life, like we're all asking why we're in so much pain and confused and we wanna know why. So I'm going to hopefully answer some of those questions in this video from my own experience to hopefully give some of you some answers or some help if you know somebody who's struggling right now because there is hope, all right? So in my addiction, I think it's important to understand that most people with a drug addiction or even alcohol addiction or any type of addiction, like many of us struggle with depression and or anxiety, all right? I am somebody who struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. And I ended up turning to alcohol and drugs as a way to self-medicate. And the issue was that it was a very short-term solution for a very big problem I had. And what happens is eventually the alcohol and drugs, they only make things worse, all right? Because your life becomes unmanageable, you start having problems with work, family, friends, significant others, children, whoever it is, right? So it's only making things worse, but it's the only thing that makes you feel better. And we get stuck in this sick and twisted cycle because the only thing that makes us feel better is also destroying our life. So I was very suicidal for a long time. At the end of my addiction, I was going to sleep every single night with a handful of pills and a bottle of rum, hoping, hoping that I wouldn't wake up the next day. Like I was like, if there is a God, do not let me wake up tomorrow morning so I have to do this stuff all over again. So I have to go find the alcohol or the drugs so I have to figure out who I can lie, cheat, or steal from just so I can feed my addiction that's destroying my life, all right? And every morning I would wake up and I'm like, dang, I got to do this all over again. So many of us in our active addiction, when we are in that terrible state, many of us are suicidal. But I heard, I believe it was Russell Brand who said it in his book, Recovery. It's an excellent book. Everybody should read it, whether you're an addict or not, read that damn book. It is so good. But anyways, what Russell Brand said and it really clicked with me, and I was like, I can relate to that. He talks about how for many of us the alcohol or the drugs was the only thing holding us together. It was the only thing keeping us alive. Like, I lost everything, but the alcohol and drugs were at least something I could look forward to, just that little sense of relief to get out of my head. Because although many of us struggling with addiction, we get suicidal, most of us are not going to get to a place where we take our own life. A lot of us are torturing ourselves and doing this very long, slow process. Like my body was shutting down. I had congestive heart failure at 26 years old. I had a 10% chance of living, okay? And I didn't want to live. So it's important to understand that many people were staying alive purely for the alcohol or the drugs. So when I got clean, when I got sober, let's talk about the detox part. Like this is one of the reasons why I say never quit cold turkey, okay? Go to a detox facility if at all possible. Many inpatient treatment centers, they have detox in them. I personally, before the last time I got sober, I went to a short-term detox facility. It was inpatient. I was there for about four or five days just to be medically stable. But it is one of the most brutal experiences you can ever go through, all right? Eggs, pains, just nausea throwing up, the like cold sweats, just everything is awful. So one of the things is, is that people just want that pain to end, but you know if you turn to the substances, it's gonna continue to destroy your life. And this is why you need to get help because seeking detox, a medical detox, will help to minimize those symptoms. And you're in a safe place. You're with mental health professionals. You're with medical professionals, all right? Because unfortunately, like that comment that I've got, I've heard of far too many people taking their own life during the withdrawal process. And some of it is just because of the pure pain and agony, all right? But I think it's also important to understand the severe, severe depression that people go through in early sobriety, all right? If you are somebody who's been clean for a while, like let me know your experience down in the comments below because this is extremely common, okay? I worked at a drug and alcohol treatment center. We did inpatient, outpatient, detox. We did all the levels of care. And this is something I got all the time. So many people were like, Chris, when am I gonna start feeling better? When am I gonna quit hating myself? When is this gonna go away? From my experience, and I don't share about this often, and I don't know why it's nothing that I'm trying to hide, but I was extremely, extremely suicidal for the first two or three months of my sobriety, all right? And again, it goes back to the only thing that was keeping me here were the substances and now those were gone, all right? And I wasn't on any antidepressants or anything like that in early sobriety. This is why many, many people, it is recommended by your doctor, like talk to your doctor, okay? I'm not a doctor, but many people, it is recommended they get on antidepressants in early sobriety. And you gotta picture it this way, all right? Drugs and alcohol were artificially creating dopamine, what gives us pleasure, what gives us joy. And when you take that away, our brain is not creating those positive neurotransmitters. So antidepressants can help you get to that baseline. So many people who, when they first get clean and sober, they're put on antidepressants because it can help. It can help kind of boost serotonin levels and things like that, just to get you out of bed, just to get you to interact with other people. But anyways, again, like I was very suicidal my first few months of sobriety because all of the guilt and the shame and everything I had done, like I lost everything. I lost everything, I lost my job, I lost my truck, I lost my money. Worst of all, I lost my friends, I lost my family. Nobody wanted anything to do with me, all right? And to top it all off, I wasn't even allowed to see my son, okay? Like I had nothing. So a lot of us when we get sober, of course we're depressed, of course we're suicidal. That's why we need support. That's why we need people around us. That's why we need people to motivate us. That's why we need human interaction. That is one of the reasons why I tell people to go to some damn 12-step meetings, like listen, I don't care if you believe in AA or NA, I don't care if you believe in a higher power, I don't care if you wanna do the steps, I don't care if you read the damn book. But there is something so powerful about hearing other men and women who have been through this thing and now their life is better, all right? Like just hearing people say that things can get better gave me hope. Like I don't know, I look back and I'm like what kept me alive? What kept me alive long enough for things to get better? All right, like something I heard a long time ago was don't leave before the miracle happens, right? So I dealt with this. I dealt with suicidal thoughts for three months until I started to get a little bit of hope that things could get better, all right? But for things to get better, it required action. It required for me to do things, okay? For me personally, it was getting a sponsor, working some steps, for some of you out there, it might not be that same road, okay? Like something I was taught very early on is what keeps me sober might get you loaded, all right? So maybe, maybe you just need to go to therapy. Maybe you need to go to some support groups, all right? Do something that can keep you safe and sober for those early stages while you're still struggling with that depression, while you're still struggling with those thoughts, all right? Because let me tell you this, at the end of my addiction, my disease voice was so loud, my addiction was so strong that it told me that my son would be better off with a dead father than a father who was a junkie, all right? That's what my brain told me. So I wanted everybody to give up and just let me die, all right? Here I am, almost seven years later and just even thinking about that, how I used to think in my addiction, all right? Like it breaks my heart because I have an amazing life today. I have an absolutely phenomenal life today, all right? Not long after I upload this video, I get to go pick up my son and hang out with him for the weekend. We get to play video games together, right? I have my beautiful girlfriend, my son's mother who is remarried and has a new son. We have an amazing relationship. I have a relationship with my parents today. I have a relationship with my friends today. I have a relationship with my family today. I have a relationship with all of you today. You see what I mean? But I had to hold on, all right? And that first year of sobriety was tough. If I'm being honest with you, the second year of sobriety was even harder than my first year of sobriety. But I wouldn't change it for the world and here's why. Because anybody, anybody out there who's watching this, if you can relate to anything that I'm saying right now, it is making you stronger, all right? Like I can look back at what I've been through in my life, all right, and everything else is just peanuts, all right? Like things, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I have been to hell and I'm back, all right? So just remember that if you're still here today, you still have a chance and you're strong because you've made it through it, all right? But anyways, I hope this video answered some questions for some of you out there. Like don't forget, like reach out, ask for help if you're struggling with those thoughts, okay? Get support, get people in your life who love you, all right? And we'll be there for you. Find people who you can call 24-7 when you need support, when you need help. There are so many people that I cannot even begin to think and they play these integral roles in my life that help save my life and why I'm still here today. So don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help, all right? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. Don't forget, follow me over on Instagram and Twitter. I'm working on rewire your anxiety and after that I have planned rewire your depression, rewire your sobriety, all sorts of stuff. So follow me over on Instagram and Twitter. Give me some topics that you want me to touch on. I will be giving out free copies of the book if I use your topic. So make sure you're following me at the rewired soul, all right, but if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing. And in case you didn't know, if you're a patron at a certain tier, you get all of my books for free. Pretty sweet, baby. So click the top on that Patreon icon right there. All right, thanks again so so much for watching. I'll see you next time.