 Ephesians chapter 5, we're going to be looking today at verses 25 through 33 and we're going to be looking at a Christian husband. So let's begin reading at verse 25 and we'll read to verse 33 and get into our study. The Apostle Paul writing, Ephesians 5 verse 25, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with a wash and of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot a wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, you who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church, for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife, the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church, nevertheless let each one of you in particular, so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And so when we were last together we began our series on marriage and the family and I introduced the topic by sharing in general what marriage is, at least a general picture of what marriage is, and today we're going to continue by looking at the role of a Christian who is a husband, now obviously marriage is something that many people desire, but not everybody is equally prepared for marriage. And that seems to be especially true when it comes to men, because when you think about it, marriage is not really something that we as men grew up from boyhood into men who are thinking about it, just isn't something that most of us grew up thinking about, contemplating or preparing for, but women, it seems to be a bit different with women, women seem to have an idea from pretty early age that they want to get married one day and they even go about from a very early age preparing for it. They begin to think about their various things that will relate to their wedding, they think about the location that they'd like to get married in, they think about colors that they want to have their bridesmaids and all the rest of the things, you know, they think about colors, they think about their flowers, they think about who they want to invite, they think about who will never come to their wedding, they think of things like that, but men aren't that way. I mean, you'll see little girls, and I raised two little girls into womanhood and we have six granddaughters and you see that little girls from a pretty early age begin to think about marriage, it's just something they do, as a matter of fact, they play at marriage, they play about weddings, they do that, they'll talk about it, they play from at very early age, but when is the last time you heard little boys talking amongst themselves saying, I'm kind of bored, what should we do? Hey, I got an idea, let's play wedding. I mean, I've never seen a little boy say that, let's play a wedding. I'll go to the store and I'll buy things you didn't want and then you can yell at me, you know, they don't play that way, boys don't play it like that, but the little girls do and it seems to me that sometimes that the little girls are much more aware of and prepared for marriage than little boys. Somebody once said, I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry and you know that may be true to some degree. Well in this passage, Paul begins to instruct Christian husbands and he begins, I want you to notice with me, he begins to instruct us concerning how a husband in Christ is to treat their wife and when you look at it really, it's really a simple command, a single command that we can work out and we'll look at practical application, but it's really a command for husbands to love their wives. That's how he begins, verse 25, husbands, love your wives. So he begins with a simple command. When you look in the old as well as the New Testament, it's real clear that the premier thing that God would have for us to learn to do is to love. He would command us to love him and love others. I mean, when a man approached the Lord Jesus Christ and said to him, what is the great command in the law? Jesus said, well, the first is, here, oh Israel, the Lord thy God, he is one. You shall love the Lord thy God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. He said, there's a second like unto the first, you shall love your neighbor as yourself on these two commands, hang all the law on the prophets. And so when they asked Christ to summarize the Old Testament, what is the most important thing? He said, love for God and love for other people. That's why Paul, when he would be writing to the Romans in chapter 13, verse 10, that's why he would say, love is the fulfillment of the law. Why? Because he says, love does no harm to a neighbor. And so God in the Old Testament teaches us to love him and to love others. Paul says the same thing when he says that the love is for your neighbor is the summation of all the law. And that's why Jesus would say to us that a new commandment, give I unto you, that you love one another as I have loved you. By this he said, shall all men know that you are my disciples if you have love one for another. So love is the summation of the law. And so we see in the Old as well as the New Testament that the command is for all people, believers especially, to have this kind of love, especially in the New Testament as it's revealed to us that we are commanded by God to love one another as believers. And so in our day, the word love is used to refer to almost anything. We can speak about loving so many different things and all. We can love our homes, we can love our music, we can love certain movies, we love certain books and foods and vacation spots, we love our paths. We love so many different things. But what we're called to do is we're called to love God and to love one another. And a lot of times people don't seem to understand or have a good definition for the word love. As mentioned on one hand, love for God and one another is the mark of a Christian. As it says in 1 John 4, 7 and 8, beloved, let us love one another. The love is of God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. That was so ingrained in me as a new believer that somebody had actually put the words to that verse into a song form and we used to sing it. Love one another, love is of God. Everyone that loveth is born of God and knows God, who loves not, knows not God for God is love. We sang all the time because that was what was the essence of being a believer in Christ. But we use the word love for so many things that we actually have to find the biblical definition. So when you look in the Bible, the Bible does speak concerning love quite often. And you see that, for example, in Galatians that Paul speaks concerning love in this way. In the book of Galatians in chapter 5, verses 22 and 23, he says the fruit of the spirit is love. It's interesting in Galatians 5, 22, the fruit of the spirit is love. You didn't say fruits of the spirit, the fruit of the spirit. So the fruit of the spirit singular is love. But then he gives to us aspects of love when he goes on to say joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. So these are all aspects of this one love that he's speaking about, and then he goes on to say against such there's no law. In 1 Corinthians 13, in verses 4 through 8, he describes love in this way. He says, love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable. And it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. And then he said love will last forever. So Paul is not suggesting to me as a husband. He's commanding me as a husband to love my wife. That's what he says in Ephesians 5, 25 when he said, husbands, love your wife. He isn't suggesting to me, he's not saying, you know, your marriage will work out better if you choose to do this. It's actually a command. He says, love your wife. He's not suggesting it. He's commanding it. And that gives me insight into loving my wife as a decision of my will. See love does have certain aspects that we would call emotional, of course. But we are so caught up with what is called romantic love. And we really derived our mentality of romantic love from a period in British history where romance was a big thing. And it's kind of bled into American concept of love. And so for many people, there are songs that are written about love, but it's always like love is a feeling. It's what you feel. But love in Scripture is not a feeling. God so loved the world is not talking about an emotional attachment to us. It speaks about a decision of the will. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. It's a decision of the will that I'm going to sacrifice to ransom those who don't deserve it. So love is really in its root. It's a decision of the will. You make a decision that you're going to love. And so one of the ways to protect our marriages as a husband is to love my wife. You see, we can have joy, we can have peace and long-suffering and kindness, goodness and faithfulness and gentleness, self-control. We can also be patient and kind, not jealous and not boastful, not proud or rude. But we're also not to demand our own way, not to be irritable. But we need to refuse to keep a list of wrongs that we've suffered. We're actually to rejoice in what is just and true. And in marriage, we never give up. We never lose faith. We remain hopeful and we endure through every circumstance. And so loving our wives is one of the ways we protect our marriages and ensure it against divorce. The majority of wives will not seek a divorce because they've been loved properly. They seek a divorce because that hasn't happened in the relationship. And so Paul begins by giving a simple command here in Ephesians 5, 25, when he says, husbands love your wives. Notice he says, love your wives. That's a picture of ownership. You have a relationship. There is a relationship that's very deep. She belongs to you. So love her. It's interesting how when he gives his command, love your wife, that he actually repeats it. Notice in verse 28 how he said, husbands ought to love their own wives. And again, notice verse 33, so love in particular, so love his own wife as himself. He repeats this command to love no less than three times in these few verses. So apparently for men to love their wives is important enough for him to repeat. So he speaks concerning love. And men, we're going to be looking at this today. What does he mean when he commands husbands to love their wives? Now, in the New Testament there are words that are Greek words that we can translate with a single English word, love. You have the Greek word eros. The word eros is the root word for erotic and it speaks of sexual love. There's another word that is used and that's the word phileo. The word phileo speaks of brotherly love. It speaks of a friendship or the love of a companion. You see the word agapao or agape. The word agape speaks of God's sacrificial expression of love and in this particular scripture here he uses the word agape. Husbands have agape for your wives, have the sacrificial God kind of love for your wives and then he illustrates it by saying as Christ loved the church and gave himself love and so he's given us an aspect of what it means to love when he uses a word that gives us the insight into sacrifice. So Paul is commanding us as husbands to have agape. Husbands are to have the God kind of love for our wives and that's to be a foundation of our marriage. Of course erotic love is wonderful and friendship love is absolutely necessary but agape is the Christ centered kind of love that forms that threefold cord that keeps a marriage together. Like it says in Ecclesiastes 412, a triple braided cord is not easily broken. And so we have this erotic sense, we love our wives in a physical way, we're very attracted to them and that's a good thing in the Lord and in marriage of course. One of the things I've discovered that's important for me when it came to my dating into marriages, not only did I have a sense of desire for the young woman that I was dating and eventually married, but I also had a very deep and still do, a very deep friendship. And I think friendship is an extremely important thing for us as men to have for our wives. You know we asked them out for a date and we took them out and we were willing to spend time with them and talk to them and share with them and all of that and we developed a friendship with them before we developed a love relationship with them and so friendship love is a very, very important thing and for Marie and me it's a very important thing to us to this day. We still have dates, we still go out with one another and all of that and it's a good thing. We have our coffee every day, we spend time with one another all the time and it's a very important thing. I mean you want to hang around with your friends but there's this other thing that we have that is a foundation and that is the agape love of God. And so what God would have us to do is to not only have erotic love and not only have filial love but you would say but you need to have this agape, this sacrificial love and that's how Paul begins as he speaks to us as husband. You see this love is how we as men are able to lead our wives as well as our families because God has vested in us men the responsibility of leading the home and is something that God holds me as a husband accountable for. In 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 8 it says if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate family he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. You see as a husband I need to discover ways that I can express my love and provide for my home and as a husband I learned to do that by looking at this passage for example and finding elements of it that I can begin to practice and here in Ephesians Paul gives us five ways that I can express my love for my wife and be a spiritual leader. Well look at these five ways but I'll enumerate them for you. I can love her with a heart of sacrifice. I can love in a sanctifying way, in a caring way, in a stabilizing way and in a spiritual way and so we'll look at that together. So to begin a husband loves his wife sacrificially. Again verse 25, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Christ gave himself for the church. Jesus' voluntary lay down of his life is a model. It's a model to me as a husband. In first John 3.16 it says by this we know love because he laid down his life for us and we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. So in marriage sacrificial love is the necessary ingredient that keeps a marriage together. It's the element of sacrifice that safeguards us against selfishness and unforgiveness in our marriages. In John 15.13 Jesus said greater love has no man than this that a man laid down his life for his friends and so it's sacrificial. It's laying down your life and my wife is obviously my closest friend. It's laying down my life for my friend. Men often don't have solid examples of love in their lives. Many of us men were raised without an example of tenderness and gentleness in the home. For many the thought of physically laying down our lives has a heroic ring to it. As a man I'll lay my life down for my wife. There's a heroism involved in that. But dying to myself and being gentle and tender and considerate that's not necessarily something that I have attributed to really love. As a matter of fact I'll go so far as to say that in some cases there are men who think that being gentle and cherishing and being considerate and all of that is more effeminate than masculine. Because that's not how we were raised. I don't know how many of you in this room had a dad and I don't know how many of you in this room had a father who was open with their feelings. Very few did. Very few that I have met in my entire life would say that they had a dad who was open with their feelings. Most of us did not have a dad like that. Most men that I know. Now perhaps I have some in here who had a different and unusual relationship. You had a dad who was very open but most of us did not grow up that way. I didn't grow up that way. My father was not emotionally open. He was not vulnerable. He was not demonstrative. My dad wasn't the kind of man who would say I love you. I didn't hear my father say I love you to me till I was 17 years old. My dad just didn't do that. My dad showed his love. My dad got up early, went to work. When he was sick he'd go to work anyway. He provided for the family, put clothes on our back and a roof over our head. He put food on our table. And my dad was saying through that this is how I love you. I understand that. It was through him being the man of the home, taking care of business, paying his bills. That was my father. And I interpreted that and I knew that. But in terms of affection my father didn't have any. My father told me when I was about three or four years old I went to kiss him good night. One night as a little boy I still remember it's so funny but years later as many years later as this is. But it's true I went to speak to my dad, kiss him good night because I had gotten used to kissing him. I still remember him putting his hand on my chest and holding me back. I was just four years older so he held me and he said men don't kiss, men shake hands. That was my dad. My dad did not show affection. That was my dad. And he did it other ways and I grew to understand his language and that's okay. But at the same time he just wasn't affectionate. He wasn't that way. If my father wanted to show affection he was a guy who if you walked by he'd hit you. He hit you and that was my dad. Anybody grow up like that? That was my dad. I'd walk by my dad and all of a sudden in the back of my head and I turned around and I finally, this is the truth, I'm telling you a true story, I went to my mom and I said why does dad hit me? I didn't understand it. Why does dad hit me? I walked by and he hit me in the head. Why? And she said because he loves you. So Marie's got all these bruises on her head. Pow! I really love you. So much I love you. No, but that was my dad and I said is there any way he can love me last? I mean I'm getting bruised. It hurts. It love hurts. But that's what dad he was like. That was my dad. My mom told me this and I want to get too much into the family history but some of you can identify with this to some degree. My mom said you know but your dad never was shown affection in his home either. His father never showed affection to him and his mother never held him or kissed him. That was my dad. My mom said this the only time your dad ever saw his father show any emotion was when my father had been jumped by a gang and he was stabbed seven times. My father had scars on his shoulder underneath his heart on his back where they had stabbed him and almost killed him. My father was in the hospital and my mom says that your grandfather came in and that's the only time he ever showed emotion before his son when his eyes teared up to see his boy in a bed almost dead. That was my grandfather. My grandmother never held my dad. So he grew up that way. I understand that. I understand that well. He did not learn to hold and show affection. He did not grow up in a home that had that. They showed it in different ways and all of us have one way or another that the language of love was expressed and you learn to interpret it. But as a husband now you've got a woman who may understand language different. You think I go to work, I put food on the table, I told her I loved her when we got married how many times did she have to hear it and it's just different and your wife may be maybe your wife's not different. My wife would call me at the office and David you know blah blah she talked to me and I'm not a phone person anyway and I'd say yeah then she'd say I'm going to hang up and I'd say okay bye I'll see you at home she'd say tell me you loved me and I'd say what and she'd say tell me you loved me and I'd say why. You know it I'm not hanging up until you tell me you loved me and my boss Jerry turns to me and says tell her you love her or she will never hang up and this guy had been married 20 some years at that time and so he kind of knew the code I didn't know the code. So me I grew up the same way I mean the first time I ever talked to Marie about love when we were dating a simple conversation I said to her do you love me I mean why not ask do you love me she said and she's all yes I said really that's great and she says do you love me I said I don't know I don't know I'm just wondering if you loved me I mean it's a conversation but I that was not my thing I did not say those kinds of I still remember true story I still remember saying if I asked you to marry me would you marry me yes I would I said great if I ever ask you I know the answer fact true story not lying true story I'm just interested conversation we ought to be talking about different things right why not marriage you'll marry me now I know you'll say yes it's no you know no problem now if I ever want to marry you I'll ask you yeah yeah yeah I've grown a little bit guys come on and so these you know to be honest with you this is this is a fact this is why this kind of subject resonates with me because I've had to go through so many learning experiences because I have made so many stupid mistakes that's why because I didn't know how to love because I didn't know how to say it because I didn't know how to express it because I didn't know how to value it I didn't know any of that I just thought you get married you have kids and automatically everything works out I did I never saw my parents work at you know that I never saw my father kiss my mom my dad didn't kiss my mom in front of us my dad maybe once I might have seen him kiss her on the cheek maybe but his life was private and his relationship with that woman was theirs and he never modeled anything like that in front of us I never saw it my dad was a man of his time I had to find out ways to love my wife by doing what the scripture said that's how I learned by watching what the Bible said to read it and in the look for models around me that maybe do that and to watch them I took several college courses on marriage in the family because I wanted theories of it how do you learn to love how do you learn to communicate how do you learn their language how do you how's that work because it isn't natural it's dying to self and that's why Paul says husband love your wives as Christ loved the church there's your model he sacrificed for the church he laid his life down for her learn from Jesus and so that's what I see in the Bible and and I say well he gave himself for us so there is sacrifice in marriage and that's how I began to learn the things that I'm learning over time about being a husband and all and I have to say it again from my background in my family and the men my uncles I had quite a number of of uncles on my father's side my my grandmother my dad's mama had 13 children she had one of them died one of my uncles died as a little boy but the others grew up and I think my dad had like six brothers there were I think around six of them and every one of them were the same none of them showed affection none of them spoke except for when my uncle Ray he he was a little different but the rest were not and so I that's just how men were raised I'd go to family functions we went quite often and and the men would be in one room the women are in the other room the women are cooking they'll call the men the men go in they eat the men go back into the other room that's how I was raised so I only saw men amongst men and the men amongst the men were not we're not real open they just were that way that was my model some of you understand what I'm trying to say that was yours too then you get saved how am I gonna learn to not feel effeminate by showing affection because I'll be honest and I'm being I hope this I hope this is an offensive to some of you but that was how it was with me I thought I feel effeminate I feel like a woman showing emotion I feel like a woman not that that's bad but that wasn't my culture I'm not comfortable with it holding a kid you hold the kid I'll look at it that's a fact you hold the kid I'll look at it yeah it's a baby because Marie knows that even to this day she woke up she'll say in this beautiful baby I'll say that's a baby yeah because I I still have to say oh you know what and you have to die to what you were raised like so it's not easy and it hasn't been easy for me to learn to be a man who actually shows emotion and has control that's tough it's it's a tough thing it's not easy it isn't some of you understand me some of you don't not yet but it's a fact you have to ask God to teach you to love in a language that your wife appreciates you love your wife you know sometimes we think that leadership is just demanding that something be done and we tell them as a husband I need this done it needs to be done but we get frustrated and angry if they don't respond to what we told them and the result will always be a separation of our heart from them and sometimes it's a separation caused by anger laying down my what my life is is is not an easy thing to do because dying never is to yield to the desires and needs of my wife again that can make me feel weak so what I'm learning to do is to be dying to my need to get my own way all the time and one of the ways that I learned to lay down my life is to get to know who my wife is because when I really know her I will learn to understand her and can feel less threatened by her my family her family just put your own family man woman families different we married into a different family a different way of doing things my family my dad's quiet my mom's outspoken mom says what's on her mind I have permission to do the same that's how our family is so if I don't like something I say it I didn't like that and I'd say it like that because that's how my dad was I always thought my dad was yelling and he wasn't that's just how he spoke then I meet this young girl Marie and her family is the opposite her family is more quiet more reserved and so I'm I'm bringing my way into our marriage and she's bringing her way into our marriage and so I I'll say this you know I'm talking as a young man in newlywed and I'm saying well this needs to be done can you get it done out and then it's not done and then I come back and I say I told you to get this done why didn't you get it done how hard is it get it done and she's just looking at me and I'm thinking oh we're communicating now she's processing and then an hour later I get to hear what she was thinking so I had to I had to learn that and and you have to learn how and that's what Peter would tell us it's interesting when you look at Peter's writing concerning husbands in 1 Peter 3 verse 7 Peter would give us insight when he says likewise you husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered and so he's given us the same kind of insight when he says to me that I'm to dwell with my wife according to knowledge dwell with her according to knowledge that speaks of intimately living with your wife and it speaks husband of studying her it speaks of taking an active interest in my wife and in the things that make up her life and when I dwell with her according to knowledge it speaks also of me showing her consideration a woman's home very often provides for her a sense of security as well as an expression of her creativity much of her creative energy is spent in transforming a house into a home and so I as a husband I come home and and I don't notice that she's done something to change a little bit of the house and I can hurt her feelings and that's especially true if I use my home as a kind of permanent motel so what I have to do is I have to dwell with my wife according to knowledge I have to watch her and I have to observe her and I have to learn her what you do and you can sometimes when you've learned her she doesn't want to pretend she's been learned so baby you ought to go to bed honey you're gonna fall asleep in front of the TV no I won't you're gonna fall asleep no I'm not now I'll come right to bed two hours later you have to go down and get them up it's true I know my wife I watch my wife I observe her when he speaks about dwelling according to knowledge it speaks of a way of actually making them your your your the person you study you know the way I observe closely certain things instant we I've called it instant replay observation you watch a game there's a close call at second your your your team has tagged a guy out as he's sliding but it's a close call and the umps are reviewing it but as it takes place they're doing a slo-mo on it so you can see whether he made the catch and whether he got the out when your wife walks in stands in front of the TV set how do you feel honey I got something for you to eat and she's standing in front right in the slo-mo get out of the way I'm watching this my wife you know what she'll do now this is the fact this is true it makes me laugh she'll come and she'll stand like this and she'll watch me then she runs in front of me and I'll say thank you you may leave no I'll call you when I need something else now she just she knows I'm watching something and so with that kind of observation watch your wife you'll learn her you will learn her if you watch her you'll get to know her you get to know the things that please her the things that don't please her listen to her stories watch the way she relates with other people keep your eye on her and that's what I've been learning to do for many years I watch my wife and I keep the distractions to a minimum so keep outside things to a minimum sometimes your work or your hobbies outside friendships and school outside activities can take away so keep those things to a minimum there are those who have separate vacations separate bank accounts separate outside friendships separate nights out that's not a healthy thing you see it takes sacrifice to learn who your wife is and it takes observation to learn how to minister to her real needs it takes time to learn your wife it takes flexibility because when you really think you've got it down she changes she can change and so that's okay that's that's part of the the fun of being married but you ought to know simple things what's her favorite color does she have a favorite song is there a movie that she likes who are her closest friends what food does she like you'll say everything no what food does she like what are those things and so that's just close observation you learn those things you see because that's what he calls us to do so husband he says love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself there's a sacrifice involved but he goes on in verse 26 to say that he might sanctify and cleanse it with a wash in of water by the word that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot a wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish so husband's ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself and so he goes on to speak about it and so you love not only sacrificially but you love in a way that sanctifies or sets her apart now I want to develop something with you here he speaks about sanctifying and cleansing but how does that take place with a washing of water by the word now the church is to be sanctified and cleansed the church is without spot or wrinkle the church is holy and without blemish that is a result of being cleansed by God's word God's word active in our lives does these works but what's interesting about this is this does not simply state that a man should instruct the wife from the Bible now I want to develop this for a moment with you fellas one of if you're married one of your duties and if you're planning on being married one of your duties will be one of your duties will be to know the word of God and to be a spiritual leader that is one of your duties I can say that I meant the girl who became my wife in a Bible study I was teaching so Marie has literally been under my ministry for as long as I've known her literally when we began to date I would be teaching home studies and I had a chair that I'd be seated in Marie would be seated right next to me right next to me it was a small front room there were only a few people in the Bible study but Marie I would sit on the chair Marie would be seated leaning against the chair that I so she literally has been at my feet as a teacher all of our relational life all of it she has always sat under my teaching so that's our relationship in your relationship husbands God commands us as husbands now this kind of sounds kind of heavy but it's but it's true God commands you as a husband to cleanse your wife through the word a couple aspects one when you're in church and you hear a Bible study and your wife has a question she should be able to ask you what the answer to that question is why do I say that to put some legalism on you no because first Corinthians 1435 says speaking of wives if they want to learn something let them ask their own husbands at home if your wife wants to know something the first man she should come to is you you should know the word well enough to answer her questions that requires a lot of work on your part you have to be in the word you have to be studying the word yourself you need to be the priest in the home because she's supposed to come to you does that mean she can't come to her pastor or one of the leaders in the church no doesn't mean that at all it simply means that she should respect your spirituality and your depth to the degree that she say honey I was listening to this and I'm wondering what can you tell me about it so that's a very important aspect but in this passage I want you to see this and I'm going to take you a step further when it says in verse 26 that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word in the Greek language there are two words that are translated by the single English word word there is the Greek word logos and there is the Greek word Rema logos is very often used in terms of like a spoken word or the word of God it's using a variety of ways but the word Rema is more particular in some ways because the word Rema in the Greek means a message it speaks of the voice of the spirit as the spirit speaks to a believer in the present moment they call that a Rema word or a word for the moment it would be what is called a direct word from God to an individual that is imparted through Scripture and comes through a teacher very often in this particular case the application could be that of the husband speaking God's word to his wife in Proverbs 29 let me take it further in Proverbs 29 18 it says where there is no vision the people perish that literally means where there is no revelation where there's no prophecy no divine communication the people lack restraint here it is this is really important I hope it makes sense to you it's not just that you give home devotions it's not just that you're capable of answering questions is that you as a husband are a man God uses to speak his word into the spirit of your wife that is powerful my wife and I yesterday are having a conversation my wife says something to me it's part of our conversation and I look at my wife and I say but then again the Lord says this doesn't he and my wife looks at me and she says thank you that's right that's what God says that's what I'm talking about I'm talking about the ability to turn to your wife husband and to say thus as the Lord this is what God has called us to this is what we're going to do that's leadership instead of my wife saying to me well I don't think so that doesn't play that way it doesn't play that way my wife didn't say that if she wants but I have learned to say you take that to the Lord you take that to the Lord because God's word says this and this is what we as a house are going to do that's what you need to do take it to the Lord no we're not gonna fight and no we're not gonna argue over it I'm gonna leave this in the hands of the Lord because I know the God's word says this is what we're gonna do that's called spiritual leadership and that's why the wife is washed by the water of the word it's not simply that you have home devotions it's not simply that you're able to answer her Bible questions is that you're able to take that word for the moment and hand it to your wife and say this is what God would have for us that's called spiritual leadership and that's how it works this is what God has called us to do sometimes sometimes it takes a while for the word of the Lord to speak to the heart of the wife and that's okay listen I was an assisting pastor in another church I came home on a Monday night and I told my wife the Lord is leading me out to plan a church actually not to plan to hear the Lord is leading me out of this church and my wife says to me no we're not going these are where my friends are this is where my church life is no we're not going you need to hold on and I say to her the Lord is leading me to move you need to know that she's not wanting to leave she keeps that way for another week another week another week and another week and I keep coming home and I keep saying to her the Lord is saying it's time for us to go and she will not and one day I come home and I in tears I say he is telling us it's time to go and I still remember my wife looking at me and saying well if he says to go it's time to go that's how this church happened I knew that God was saying it's time and my wife all those years back now can look back and say that it was the word of the Lord and that's the stuff that we husbands do listen it is thrilling when you know the word of God and God speaks to your heart and you're able to say this is what God says you wash your wife with the water of the word not only through the devotions and the family leadership but by knowing God's word for that moment for the family yes it's it's difficult yes dying to self but I'm telling you your wife will trust you and your wife will be encouraged by that ministry and that's what we're called to do that's what we're called to do you see a wife is washed by God's word and is a testimony to the ministry of the husband every Christian man should make it his aim to know the word of God and to be able to share it with understanding and when we encourage our wives in God's word they become beautiful in every way so it's my responsibility to minister God's word to my wife so man I encourage you I encourage you to take advantage of opportunities afforded to you here in this fellowship if you can I encourage you to attend the midweek study to get involved in small groups come to breakfast go on retreats get involved in studies serve it builds you up in your walk at home spend time with her in the Bible in fellowship in prayer set apart time to read to pray to see God together serve the Lord together learn to read the word to her I had a friend of mine who he simply couldn't read he couldn't read and it was very embarrassing to him but he came and shared with me and I said listen I understand you can't read I understand I said what you need to do is have your wife read to you and read along with her you'll begin to learn what those words look like how they sound but all you need to do is have her read have her stop and then share with her a little bit about what the Lord put on your heart and pray and learn to lead and that's what the Lord would have for all of us you see the Bible makes it very clear that I am to be a leader in the home and God's word produces a godly marriage now in verse 29 no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church so we can love our wives in a sacrificial sanctifying and a caring way notice how he says you nourish and cherish the word nourish means to to nurture and the word cherish means literally to keep warm we normally care for our own bodies with great care that's a fact of life so when we cherish our wives we are actually nourishing and caring for them by showing a recognition of our frailty there's a concern that we have and a tenderness that we have for them and as we grow older we should be appreciating and loving one another more deeply the more we experience in life together the greater our bond of love can grow we go through all of life's ups and downs together I I think of Marie and me when we rented our first apartment when we bought our home when we had our children how it how it's been all these years of raising them releasing them having grandchildren we got to the point where we were we buried our parents we've aged together and it's all of these experiences and these memories that have drawn us together over time and so I'm learning to do something that he didn't know how to do and that is to cherish so you cherish her you tell her I love you you romance her you respect her and you defend her and sometimes sometimes you even defend her against your own family some of you had to do that when Marie and I first got married my mom again being kind of an open open person we were at my house and we're brand new we're newly married and I'm inside the kitchen and my mom's there across the table from me as she always was she's talking to me she says I want to tell you something about Marie she needs to and I remember and I remember I was a kid I raised my hand like this to my mom I raised my hand up I said wait a minute mama stopped I said that's my wife you don't talk to me about my wife that's not for you to do that's for me to do and my mom never brought it up again because I said you don't tell me anything about my wife you defend her because some of you know what I'm saying they got things to say about your wife things to say about how she doesn't cook right she doesn't clean right she doesn't take care of the babies right she doesn't do anything right but I'm here to help her no I didn't marry my mother I married another one I told my mom this I said listen mom you're you're my mama you're my friend but you're not my wife I did not marry you I married her that's my wife and so I defend her because she is bone of my bone flesh of my flesh she was taken out of me she's mine I will protect her and that's what husbands do that doesn't mean we go to our home saying all right who's next we don't do that we don't go looking to pick a fight at the Thanksgiving dinner you know grandma I'm mad at the way you're looking at my wife no I'm not saying that what I'm saying is I don't allow that I'm polite and I'm kind but I would not allow that you do not say things about my wife because that's our relationship my family you defend them and that's how it works that's what we're called to do we are a shield to her at the same time as I'm cherishing her I still date my wife I still tell her she's beautiful I still do these things I can fight in her because that's what she desires she wants gentle and loving considerate treatment and she responds to it and I don't think that's old-fashioned I think that's what we should do we're to continue to romance and respect even the way that we did when we first met you know Bible tells us she's a weaker vessel that's because she is normally physically weaker not always I've seen some some pretty gnarly women you know but but it speaks concerning that you know we respect and love them so we give honor to them we assign dignity to them like Peter said giving honor to the wife we maintain and provide for her in every way we lift her up verbally we don't run her down it's like she's running for office I'm her campaign manager I want everybody to love her and I'm aware that reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing so I lead through love and not through force again tell her every day how much you love her treasure her even spoil her even spoil her I heard about a woman who woke up one morning and said to her husband I had the best dream last night I I dreamt that you bought me a really expensive diamond ring for our anniversary I've never had a dream like that before what do you think it means you'll know tonight baby ooh hardly able to contain her excitement all day she eagerly awaited her husband's arrival home from work and sure enough he was carrying a small beautifully wrapped package which he then handed to her thrilled she opened it and found a book entitled the meaning of dreams anyway cherish her why verses 30 and 31 and will road to a conclusion we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones lover in a way that reveals and ensure stability and commitment marriage is a premier human relationship it is foundationally spiritual and its stability and endurance is a picture of Jesus's relationship with the church Jesus didn't commit himself half hard to lead to us his bride he committed to us totally like it says in Jeremiah 31 3 I have loved you with a everlasting love therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you or like it says in Hebrews 13 5 I will never leave you nor forsake you so you love in a way that brings stability she knows that you love her and you'll never leave her and finally we love in a spiritual sense as it says this is a great mystery verse 32 but I speak concerning Christ in the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife ask himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband never forget that the two have become one representing Jesus's relationship to us and Jesus will never forsake us we should remember our oneness in him my mom married a man that was in the process of being made into a man and that after they'd been married 25 years my father gave his heart to Christ my mom told me that the first 25 years of their marriage were good but you said the years after they got saved were great no my dad never became that kind of guy that was an evangelist running around trying trying to tell people about Jesus dad did share his faith but not like my mom my mom was was one of these evangelists she would tell everybody about Jesus I remember her going to the doctor and the doctor was listening to her heartbeat put the stethoscope there and began to listen and it was the first time that she had been with this particular doctor and and as he put the stethoscope on her on her heart my mom says to the man to the doctor do you hear him and the doctor looked at this crazy old lady and he says here who says you can't hear him and now he's thinking she's not she's in she's in the wrong office psychiatrist has done the hall what do you mean hear him she says you can't hear him she says Jesus is in my heart can you hear him and she shared with them her faith in Christ that's how my mom was my dad was quiet reserved to himself and there were times when my mom would say to me I wish your dad was more open with this faith David I wish he was open I said mama I said the body of Christ is made up of many parts daddy's an ear he listens you're a mouth you talk it's the truth I said but the two working together make a body I said so so daddy daddy can hear and you can speak so rather than recreating him in the image of the man you think he's supposed to be why don't you let God do the work to make him into the man he designed him to be because that's what he's called to do and so men you know that's the fact and that's the truth be whom God called you to be love your wives lay your life down for them you know we know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that that there's only one woman for me and there's only one man for Marie we know that and we've talked about it and I'll share one last thing with you and we'll close several years ago when I had an episode of losing my memory and they had to hospitalize me it's been years now and I was in Florida I came home had to go through a bunch of tests neurological tests and a variety of others various scans PET scans CT scans you name I went through so many tests and they couldn't find what was wrong with my memory and ultimately what happened I went to a neuropsychologist and the neuropsychologist ran a battery a test and at that point said to me that my memory was going to go out within seven years I was around 57 58 at that time they said you're going to go into dementia if you don't take care of yourself by the time you're 65 you will have dementia according to the PET scan there was calcification on my left and right frontal lobes and I was responding in certain ways to the tests that were given to me that caused her to say you will lose your memory in in seven years and so I I've told you the story but Marie I turned to my wife I say can you remain here take care of the bill and everything and I'll go to the car and I went to my car I put my hand on 10 o'clock 2 o'clock on the steering wheel and I said Lord what am I gonna do you know at 65 I'm not gonna have any memory at all I won't even remember Marie and I I started going through a pretty heavy thing some of you been there and I went through a pretty heavy time of like like grief and sorrow like what's happening I mean you know I would hope that that at 65 that I could spend more time with my wife and my kids and and things of that nature and now it looks as if that's not going to happen and I don't know what to do and and I remember praying and seeking the Lord and all and and then I had to talk to my kids and so I bring the kids into the office because none of my my children knew what was going on and they wanted to have an update and so we're in the office and my four kids are there with me and and and they said dad's what's what's going on and and I turned to Marie and I said honey share with them let them know what's happening and my wife Marie is a very faithful woman she's saying things but minimizing what the doctor had said and I I said okay I'm gonna have to interrupt here and I said what it what the doctor said is that I have a potential to lose my memory in seven years I will become I will become I'll go into dementia I won't remember anything and I started giving instructions to my kids I said listen when this takes place this is what I want I want you to do this this this this and this I want this all prepared in advance so that when it happens you already know your father's wishes and as I was sharing with them at that very powerful moment talking to your kids about your future and what may be happening I said you know your mama I just want you to take care of the woman take care of my wife I said that's all I'm asking you to do make sure she's okay I said your mama will not remarry your mom will not remarry I said she never will I said I wouldn't and she won't your mom will not remarry she will be on her own take care of her take care of her for me and I said some will understand others won't but I said she'll never have another man because and this is what I told my children I've said this before some of you heard me I said because I am the greatest man she will ever know and she'll never have a man as great as me in her life again and my children looked at me and I said that has been my dream to be the greatest man she's ever known and I looked at my wife in front of my children and I said am I and she said you are the greatest man I will ever know and I said that to my kids and I say this to you men I'm not saying I'm greater than you I'm saying make that your aim in your life you be the greatest man they will ever know I don't I don't I don't want to be the greatest man in your wife's life I want you to be the greatest man I want your wife to be able to look at your children and say there will never be another man as great as this man your father I want your wife to say and my husband this is the greatest man make it your aim that you can say that so that when your wife buries you she will say I am burying the greatest man he loved me he cherished me he led me he left me but I will see him again in paradise because he's a Christian you need to understand that if I can leave you with anything I want to leave you with that and then finally this I went to the doctor afterwards and he said you know sometimes we make mistakes there's nothing wrong with your memory you're okay and so thank you Jesus thank you Jesus