 starring Irene Dunn and Walter Pidgen in Together Again. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. In our national magazine this week, an eminent psychologist undertakes to explain, quote, the trouble with women, unquote. And he concludes that modern women, by asserting their emancipation, may be treading on thin ice. Let's see how it works out in tonight's play from Columbia Pictures' comedy success Together Again, starring Irene Dunn and Walter Pidgen. Also Jerome Cortland. Like Jerome, Miss Dunn appears in her original screen role as mayor of a small town, torn between her heart and her career, and very much enamored of her independence. In fact, that's the story of our play tonight, as the curtain rises on Act One of Together Again, starring Irene Dunn and Walter Pidgen as George Corday, with Jerome Cortland as Gilbert, Jeff Donnell as Diana, and Alan Reed as Father Crandall. It's a late spring afternoon in Brookhaven, Vermont, and in the office of the Brookhaven Eagle, head of the Buchanan looks disgustedly out the window. The object of his scrutiny is a statue. Look at that eyesore purse, Jonathan Crandall's statue, as if it wasn't stupid enough putting it up in the first place. But no, every year they got to have memorial service. Well, folks thought a heap of Jonathan more. First thing I'm going to do when I'm mayor of this town is get rid of that cast-iron insult. Except we got a mayor. Folks think a heap of Mrs. Randall, too. They can think a heap of her without having to elect her mayor, can't they? Just because her husband was. And some folks say she's been even a better mayor than Jonathan was. Yeah, but she'll slip purse. Women always do it when she does. I'll be around first. I'll be around. Father Crandall, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Why didn't you attend the memorial service? You know very well why, Mayor Frider. You're not Frider. You just didn't want to go. Now, for heaven's sakes, don't cry. First thing you know, you'll get thin again. I'm perfectly willing to be healthy, Grandfather, but a certain persons are always upsetting one's plans. And it's like living with a box of matches. I know I'm worried, Father. What about her? Why, Diana's crazy about you. Yes, and I'm just enough of an egotist to love her loving me so much, but it makes me feel so terribly responsible. Even more than Diana with my own child. I don't suppose you know what I mean by that. Well, of course I do. You're not my own child. Look how I worry about you. Me? For heaven's sakes, why? Because it hurts my soul to see a beautiful dish like you wasted on an erotic stepchild, a hunk of statue in a busty old town like Brookhaven. My soul it hurts. Why, darling, hasn't it ever occurred to you that I might like my life? Why? Well, being there keeps me busy. Yes, with storm drains and taxes. It's comfortable. You're too young to be comfortable. And I have Diana and you, you miserable old reprobate. I can think of a couple of things you haven't got. Why? Well, you're a widow. No, darling, you are a widow. You can't dare to see a woman living alone and liking it, can you? No, man, can I get? But I'm not frustrated. I'm not to be pityed. I'm not anything but perfectly happy. Happy, my foot. Oh, mercy. Look at that rain. Why don't you stop living Jonathan's life and live your own? Jonathan departed this Vale of Tears five years ago, and I say it's time we let him rest in peace. Father. I know my son, man, and I tell you he's as irritated with you wherever he is as I am. Well, when you hear from him to that effect, you let me know. Oh, come on, help me close these windows. Come on, it's full. Then we've got a story for page one. Heard from Jonathan. Don't be ridiculous, Father. Just because a statue happened to get... Happened to get? You don't suppose it was accidental, do you? Jonathan pitched that bolt of lightning himself. Now, will you quit lying to yourself and stop having some fun? Morp, you can. Seems to be having lots of fun. Have you seen the morning paper? Sure, I've seen it. Brook Caven Eagle demands removal of headless eyesaw from Crandall Park. Well, he's right. Nonsense. We'll have the statue repaired. We'll do no such thing. I've waited five years, and so has Jonathan to get rid of that dog-gone statue. And if you... Excuse me, Mrs. Crandall, but, Mr. Buchanan's here. Oh, well, you tell him. I can't see him, Jesse. Please tell him that if he wants... Oh, I'll just be a minute, Mayor Crandall. Just wanted to find out, if you call the Department of Sanitation, about hauling away that over-my-dead body. They'll haul away that statue. It's a public nuisance. Oh, it is, is it? Even without a head, my sons are better man than you are. My father, not a minute ago, you said... I don't care what I said. If Buchanan wants it hauled away, it stays. It certainly does. The statue is going to be repaired, Mr. Buchanan. Mother, mother, what did you say? Darling, now there's no need to be tragic. Put my father's head back on again. It's the most gruesome thing I ever heard of. Oh, mother, I feel every stitch. Diana, honey, what is it you want? Why a new statue, naturally. Why not? A bigger one, too, Buchanan. And the Crandall family's giving Brookhaven a brand-new statue of Jonathan. May I, sir? Goodness sake, you'll be back tomorrow night. Running off to New York to interview a sculpture, really. His name's George Coday, and his telegram said to be there, six, seventy-six, sixty-six. As you can see, it's all finished except for a certain line right here. I hope you've got it. No, just a minute. If you've got the curve, I'm looking for a fine. If you haven't, well, I'll have to get another model. If you haven't, Mr. Coday, you don't understand. Please, I have an appointment with a small town mayor at six o'clock, and it's quite possible he wouldn't understand a beautiful model running around. Really? Why not? Have you ever met a small town mayor? They have no sense of humor, and they're always out of shape. Well, I hope you have a sense of humor, Mr. Coday, because you're going to need one. Why? Because I'm their Crandall. Well, I'm not going to apologize. You know, you're a fraud. You have no business to have mayor inside and such a beautiful outside. Mr. Coday. And that hat, definitely not a mayor's hat. Well, I bought it this afternoon. I didn't think it was a very good idea for time, but I assure you there's a mayor under the hat, and we'll just go on from there, shall we? We'll certainly. Thank you. Now, I have some photographs here of the late Mayor Crandall. I thought they might help you. Hmm, fine, looking man. Thank you. Your father? My husband. No. Why not? Oh, well, no reason. No reason at all. Now then, let's make a few notes, shall we? How long were you married to him? Five years. His age when he married you? 42. I don't really see... Oh, it's a very important fact. A man who waits until he's 42 to marry must have definite characteristics. I was his second wife. Two wives. Any children? Yes, one by his first wife. But really, I've seen all these... Now, Mayor Crandall, it's simply that I need to know the man. This is a professional interview, and I wish you'd conducted his thoughts. You wish I would? Now, just tell me the things that you are aware of. Well, my husband was a Crandall. The Crandalls found in Brookhaven. There's a certain dignity that goes with such tradition. Very dignified, affectionate. I beg your pardon. Oh, well, we'll place a question mark after that, shall we? Now, the fact that you're still Mrs. Crandall tells me that you've never remarried. Have you ever entertained the idea of remarrying? I have never entertained the idea of remarrying. Oh, well, I'll erase the question mark after affectionate. There, now, you see how one thing leads to another, huh? Oh, excuse me. Is this good, eh? Yes. I'm so, and Muriel so, and the agency thinks I have what you want. Oh, Mrs. Crandall, you don't mind, Mrs. Crandall. No, no, not at all. There's a dressing room back there on the right, Mrs. Crandall. Be right with you. Now then, Mrs. Crandall, how long has your husband been dead? Five years. You've been a widow for five years. Well, naturally. On the contrary, there's nothing natural about this. Mayor Crandall, is something making you nervous? You seem a little... Well, I haven't. That model doesn't. Does she just come out when she's ready? Oh, oh, oh, perhaps you'd rather she wouldn't. Well, I'm just not exactly used to it. Oh, how thoughtless of me. Well, it won't take me a second. Oh, that's right. Either she has it or she hasn't. Mrs. Crandall. Tell me, Clark. Ah, now, Mayor Crandall. I was just admiring this jar of yours. It's quite old, isn't it? That jar? Oh, yes. Yes, it's an apothecary jar. It has a name on it. P. Borat Sosa. Is that the apothecary's name? It sounds more like a lapian diplomat. Yes, it does. Well, I guess she had it. Had it? Miss Thornby Curtis. Oh, oh, oh, yes. Yes, sir. Yes, she had it. You must look at women very differently. Oh, I do. You know, other men look at women's eyes. I look at her bone structure. Listen, I could tell you within two pounds of what you weigh. Do I get it free if you miss? If I don't miss, will you go to dinner with me? Well, how? Good. Now, my guess is 110. Why, that's amazing. I don't know. Thanks, but it's not true. But thanks very much. What do you mean? What do I mean? Why, you weigh 120 anyway. Well, if that guy hadn't disliked his idea of what I weigh, and it's for going out to dinner, well, that wouldn't be possible on weather like this. Just look at that ring. Hmm, just look at it. It stopped. Hmm, just like that. Well, you've got to eat sometime, don't you? Besides, we haven't finished the interview. Frankly, Mr. Corday, I'd like to get the interview over, whether it's quickly as possible. Then let's go. There's a supper tub I think you'd enjoy. The food is awful, they're gambling in the back room, and there's Gilda Laverne. Who is Gilda Laverne? That's her picture on the wall. I believe she's called a bubble dancer. Oh, that must be a great treat for you. Mr. Corday, good evening. Manado, I expect you to excel yourself tonight. We are honored with the mayor of... I mean with my friend, Madame P. Borat Sosa. Associate privilege, Madame Sosa. I will bring divine immediately. What a ridiculous name. You seem to like it in my studio. Remind me, we came here to continue the interview. Oh, yes, by all means. Now, about the statue of your father, of your husband, I'm sorry. Perhaps I could add a twinkle in the statue that I found liking in those photographs. Mr. Corday, we'd like my husband exactly as he was. Oh, forgive me. Tell me, did your husband dance? Oh, yes. Yes, why? Well, I've learned a little about his responsible side, so I must look into his lighter side. He danced, if that's what you mean? Well, not exactly. However, shall we? Why not? What are you smiling at, Mr. Corday? Life is so full of surprises. I never thought I'd so enjoy having a mayor in my arms. Tell me, your husband, did he enjoy having a mayor in his arms? How could he? He was the mayor. Oh, of course. It's very confusing, isn't it? Yes, it is. Well, here's our table. Do you mind if we sit down again? No, no, not at all. And we'll have some wine. Mr. Corday, if I say something, you won't think I'm rude, will you? Oh, you're glad, please. About the statue, Mr. Corday. I'm really a very good sculptor, Mr. Framble. Yes, yes. I simply can't picture you in Brookhaven. You don't think I'm rude? On the contrary, I'm fascinated. Besides, you dislike Brookhaven intensely. But I'm beginning to feel a positive yearning for it. Let's speak to Brookhaven. I do believe you understood me. I just hired you. But I understood that this was simply an interview. You know, personality and character. And I've come to a conclusion. Oh? Your personality definitely appealed to me. What may I suggest that you have just a tiny bit too much of character? You may suggest it. Oh, dear. Oh, that's a game. Rune your dress. Right in my lap. What'll I do? Well, I think the usual procedure is to retire to the powder room and dry out if it's down that way, I think. Thank you. Oh, isn't it fortunate I came to New York and met you. Just think I might have ordered you by mail. Leonardo's is proud to present that big little star, Miss Dilda Laverne and her bubble wrap. My dress, my... Well, you just take it off, honey, and I'll press the drive for you. You take it off? Yes, ma'am. This material, it draws all up out of shape. If it drives on you. Oh, it does? Yes. And you don't want to go out of here all out of shape, do you? No, no. But can you press it right away, please? I sure can. That's it. Just lift out of it, and I'll meet up the eyes. What's that? Let me see. This is what I think it is. Come here. It's what I think. Here's your dress, honey. I'm just... Dilda. Oh, you think I'm the dancer? Well, you've made a ridiculous mistake. I'm just a guest here. I'm just one of the guest friends running around without their dresses, ma'am. I was standing right here with my dress in my head. Thanks, everybody. You got Laverne. This is most embarrassing. Most embarrassing. Oh, but to release this lady, you're beat it. Everybody that works here gets pulled in, Mr. But she doesn't work here. Do you know who she is? Oh, but, uh, my name is P. Borat Sosa. Yeah. I'm lost in... Yeah, me too. Okay, Chauncey, back up the wagon. At the moment, we'll return with the second act of Together Again, starring Irene Dunn and Walter Pigeon. Julia Tyler, second wife of President Tyler, enjoyed her short stay in the White House, bringing about many temporary innovations. The President's lady had made the honor of honor, rode in an elegant carriage, and shocked Washington by giving a testimonial endorsement for a department store. One of her innovations has lasted, however. The Marine band played Hail to the Chief whenever the President appeared as state function. Another page in the White House story. Here's Mr. Keely at the microphone. Act two of Together Again, starring Irene Dunn as Anne and Walter Pigeon as George, with Jerome Cortland as Gilbert. Twenty-four hours of time. And far from New York, George Corday, bubble dancers and policemen, and Crandall gratefully breeze again the calm, pure air of Brookhaven, Vermont. Oh, my, but it's good to be home again, Father. You look tired, Anne. Have any fun? Fun? Well, hardly what I went for. Well, Diana? Well, she'll be right home. Well? Did you buy a new hat? I most certainly did. Where is it? I left it on the train on purpose. Must have been some hat. What about the sculptor? Oh, oh, the sculptor. Well, he can't take the job. He's all booked up for years, practically. We'll just have to get somebody else. What happened to you in New York? What happened? I called the hotel seven o'clock last night. You weren't in. Well, I had to eat, didn't I? I called you again at six this morning. You still weren't in. Oh, I wasn't. No, you wasn't. Father. What is it? I was in jail. You know what I thought you said? I thought you said... Just what I did say, I said I was in jail for getting an indecent performance. A what? Oh, but I didn't. I didn't do anything. Father, the minute I saw him asleep on that couch, I knew I should... What couch? In his studio. Mr. Corday, he was asleep when I got there. And what? It thundered and woke him up. Oh, so it thundered? Jonathan again. I knew you would say something ridiculous like that. But how did you get in jail? That interests you more than how I got out of jail, doesn't it? Well, I got him because I was gilded a levern and I got out because I was fee-borrowed sosa. The police were very, very apologizing. Say that again slowly. I'm not up to it. I'll see you after I answer. Awful, Mother. It's simply awful. Why isn't Mr. Corday coming? I'm too busy, dear. Oh, Mrs. Cando, that's funny. What's funny, Jesse? You're a good black dress, the one you wore in New York. I just unpacked it back and it isn't here. Jesse, I told you I would unpack. Oh, I've been unpacking for you for years. But, Mother, I had my heart set on Mr. Corday. Now, darling, listen, listen to me. He was positively ancient to begin with. Why, he even had a beard. A perfect beard-ness of a beard. All the way down to here. Isn't that disgusting? A beard? Oh, Mother, why didn't you tell me this before? Come on, we'll tell those people what a narrow escape we all had. He certainly sounds nauseating, people. What people? By the statute committee. They're downstairs. I had to let them know you were home. Good night. Well, I'd say that was debatable, dear. Please, please. We ought to have to get some of the sculpture, that's all. But you're under if he was too old to take the job. I wouldn't think he'd have made an appointment to see you. Oh, I think he would have enjoyed the work if he could have gotten it. Well, I guess when you're dealing with an artist, you never do know what will happen. Good night, Mayor Clambon. Good night, good night. I'll open the door for you. Clambon! Why did you slam the door? Well, thanks, Mother. When you open the door like that, there could be the draft. It's simply awful. There's somebody out there. Oh, there is? Well, we haven't seen him. Well, we'd all better run along. Good night. Good night. That's man. Are you going to let him stand out there all night? Man. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And please, come in. Thank you. This is my daughter, Diana. How do you do? And this is my father-in-law, Mr. Crandall. Mr. Corday. Mr. Corday! This is Corday. Uh-huh. I'm sorry I was rude to you just now, but, well, we weren't expecting you. So you're Corday. Here, have a cigar. Mother, you look nice. Thanks, Mother. Good look at Mr. Corday at all. A beard. A beard down to here, you dare. Well, I thought you did, didn't you, Mr. Corday? A beard? Oh, yes. Yes. I did, didn't I? Yes. I shaved it off though. It's so much warmer up here in Vermont than it is in New York. So you're going to do the statue after all. And you'll stay right here with us, of course. Why, Father, you know we haven't had any room. You can live in the carriage house and build a statue right there, and I can watch it grow day by day. Oh, please, Mother. A very practical idea. Come along, Corday. I'll get you settled. I threw a few things in the car. Some materials for the statue just in case, sir. Oh, Mother, just think. Oh, that was in the back of a beard all the time, and you never even knew it. Oh, so cheap. The carriage house, Mayor Crandall. It's very nice. I like it. I didn't sneak out of the house to come here to discuss your living quarters. No. No. I did not want to see you again, Mr. Corday. Oh, why did you have to come here? To build a statue, of course. I didn't make any difference to you that I don't want. What's that? What's that for? Oh, that's my little apothecary jar. Oh, I always take it with me wherever I go. Oh, you do. It has magic qualities. When I want to do something very badly, and a little obstacle seemed to arise, why I just turned the jar around, and what do you see? Please, boy, sir. You blackmailer. Look, give me a week. At the end of the week, you say, I don't fit into life at Brookhaven. I'll go. How isn't that fair? No, but if I don't let you stay, I should be exposed. Is that it? My night in jail? I promise to be no trouble at all. I'm helpless, perfectly helpless. Mr. Corday, why do you want to stay here that badly? Madam Sosa, that's just what I want to find out. You don't know what you're beefing about, Corday. If you ask me, the statue's coming along. Oh, it's terrible. I should be much farther along by now. I don't know about the statue, but you sure ought to be farther along with something else. I don't even want to finish it. I don't even want to work on it. You're jealous of him. Jealous. I'm Jonathan. Ridiculous. Jonathan's the best friend you've got. He knocked his own head off with a bolt of lightning. He did it so Anne would go to New York and meet you. Didn't hear about that, did you? No, I can't say I did. Why, he's just anxious to get Anne out of this. What does I have? You believe that? Of course I believe that. It's a crazy idea, you know. Sure it's crazy. But it might work. You mean that Anne believes that Jonathan is doing all that? Well, he says he doesn't believe it, but she says it in a very funny voice. It's amazing. There's that piano again. Diana! No, no, no, no. Don't disturb her. Your granddaughter is keeping me happy at my work. She told me so. Her mother could do a better job. Well, get going, George. God, stop giving that clear out. I'm gonna murder that piano. If you're hanging around, Gilbert, just hoping for an invitation to dinner. You're very much mistaken. Don't worry, I wouldn't say if you ask me. You make me sick in the summer. Gilbert! You've gotten so artistic lately since that old mud-dabber came around here. You're only speaking of probably the world's greatest living artist, you know. Oh, do you mind if I leave? I think I'm gonna be sick. Well, aren't you going? Don't worry. I don't suppose you'd like to go for a walk. A walk? Really, Gilbert? You think I'm exactly dressed for a walk? I'll tell you what's your dress like, Diana Crandall. What's your dress like is enough to make a horse lab. This is Mr. Corday. You've done your hair. What have you done to yours? Longer. Oh. Oh, it makes you look so young, Mother. What is that, Dad? Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I think it makes you look awfully icky. Well, I think you look a little icky yourself. High heels and a party dress, really. Mother, do you feel all right? I think so. Well, you used to be so quiet, but lately you've been so kind of leafy. What a ridiculous word. Where are you going? Into the kitchen. I don't want to talk to you. This is Soon Cutters with Mr. Corday, Desi. We have to choose a pedestal for the statue today. It's gonna rain again. No, possibly. And, Desi, don't bother to tell Diana. He's been trying to get you alone ever since he came here. Well, he's finally made it. I wish you wouldn't be silly, Desi. I might give you the same advice, Mayor Crandall. I knew we should have taken the car. How can we walk over the weather like this? We can't. But your conscience should be fairly comfortable. Well, it isn't. What are you afraid of? Me? Yourself? Brookhaven? No. Yes. Oh, I don't know. I've never been so mixed up in my life. A week ago, you asked me why I came here. Well, I can answer that now. And I'm in love with you. You are. Are you? And I know exactly when it happened. When you were telling me about the dignity of the Crandall and that beautiful, cock-eyed little hat. And look at me. Please. I can't. Why can't you? Because when I do, the most ridiculous thing happens to me. I get all sleepy. I don't, I don't think I'm, I'm absolutely blank. You're absolutely wonderful. Am I really? How very nice of you. And I'm going to catch you. Oh. Oh. Is that you, Mama? Oh, Diane. Oh, we'll send her home. Oh, she'll ever be sensible. I thought this would be something for you. How mean, darling. Diana, how nice of you to pick us up. How did you do, Corday? Get anywhere? That was a very significant rain this afternoon. Oh, forget it, Grandpa. Oh. About there. Diana? Well, I'm not surprised. When Jonathan died, I had promised Diana she'd never marry again. So if you ask me, your problem's really Diana. Not bad. You mean that all I have to do is talk to Diana? You make it sound so simple. Oh, boy. It's a cinch. Grandpa, I'm taking everybody to the movie tonight. You and Anne, Diane and Gilbert. And I'll show you tonight just how simple it is. Movie I've seen in years. Personally, I thought it was trite. You and me both, Mr. Crandall. Oh, Gilbert, you always have to sp- Oh, goodbye. Diana and I are walking home alone. We- Sorry, but we have a great deal to talk about. I was gonna get her a hot fudge sundae. Oh, Gilbert, do you want to do something very nice for me? Me? For you? Yes. Buy me that hot fudge sundae. Honest? Honest. I haven't had one in years. Well, good. Nice. No, son. What? Well, as always, well, you know, just sort of thought of you as Diana's mother. Well, I am. Oh, I know. I mean, well, I've never exactly noticed what you'd look like before. I'll see you later, father. Well, good night. Come on, Mrs. Crandall. I didn't realize it until tonight, Diana, that you are not at all a child that everyone seems to think you are. You did it. Well, you're a woman, an intelligent understanding woman. I am? Diana, when a man falls in love with a woman, really in love? Well, he wants to marry her. And if the woman is also in love with a man? Go on. Nothing should stand in their way. Don't, don't you agree? Oh, I should say so. Mother and I made a promise once. That's just what I'm talking about. We promised never to get married and leave each other. You know, like a suicide pact? Exactly. Just like a suicide pact. The killing of everything that a mature woman needs to live and be happy. Oh, that's beautiful. You've got me to break that pact, don't you? I want you to free a woman's heart. Diana, don't you see the difference? Oh, I do, I do. It just goes to show what a shrewd analysis of character you are. You do understand them, don't you? Well, naturally, I don't have to be hit over the head. Oh, Diana, you make me very happy. Oh, I just can't wait to tell Mother, may I? Oh, by all means, tell your Mother. You've got to listen to me very carefully. Oh, Mother, I love you so very much. Well, I love you too, dear. That's what makes it kind of sad. Only he's so wonderful. Mr. Corday, oh, now guess I'll have to get used to calling him George if I'm going to marry him. If you're, if you're what? Oh, I know it's a shock, but he did it so beautifully. Did what? Oh, he told me about women and love. Nobody has any right to stand in one's way. In whose way? Mine. Oh, Mother, you won't, will you? Mother, are you trying to tell me that George Corday asked you to marry him? Well, not in certain words, but from the way he looked and the things he said. Oh, I'm so absolutely happy I could do flip. You don't mind, do you? Well, it's a bit of a surprise. Won't Gilbert just simply die? Gilbert's not the only one who's going to die. He is hysterically. Come with me. Now, where? We're going to the carriage house. We're calling on my new son-in-law. Love together again, starring Irene Dunn and Walter Pigeon. We'll follow in a moment. When you sign up for a course with the United States Armed Forces Institute, you join thousands of other servicemen all over the world. If you run into a problem with your course, good counseling is available to you through your Education Officer. If you need refresher work on a subject or materials to prepare for a test, your Education Officer will assist you. Yousafi has been servicing the Armed Forces for over 20 years. Your confidence is well-plated in yousafi. Back now to William Keely, your producer. Act three of together again, starring Irene Dunn as Anne and Walter Pigeon in the role of George, with Jerome Cortland as Gilbert. With Corday's courtship of Anne Crandall has suffered something of a setback. Having explained his feelings to Anne's daughter, George is now more than slightly perturbed to discover that Diana is under the impression that he's proposed to her. Oh, but Anne, Grandpa, how could Diana possibly have thought that I... I don't know. I only know that the child is absolutely dicky and loved with you. Clubs all get out, aren't you? But it's fantastic. What'll I do? Well, let's see. Maybe you could be too old for her. That idea seemed to nauseate her one. But I am too old for her. You certainly are. How's your stomach? I beg your pardon. Your stomach? Maybe there's something wrong with it. You could be an indrelate. Kids don't like sickly people. Yeah, that's a lovely idea. You just droop a little, you know. Pretend you can't eat. And I think there's an old shawl I could let you have. In other words, act your age, won't you? I'll do anything, anything. Why would she think he'd marry her in the first place? Why not? He proposed to me, didn't I do? Oh, now I am. Oh, I knew if you came here, something would happen. But frankly, I didn't think it would end up with my being your mother-in-law. Well, good night, son. Dear Diary, George and I have been engaged now for so long. And I just found out something. Poor George has a stomach condition. He's been so creative. He's even ruined his health. I'm throwing pebbles at my window at 10 o'clock at night. And you've got to let me in. Why? I'm starving to death. Diana won't let me eat anything. Try a restaurant. I have. She's told them that you've given strict orders not to feed me. Oh, all right. Go to the kitchen door. I'll find you something. How primitive man really is. I don't know which smells more beautiful. The coffee for you. George, please. The waffles are burned. I don't care if the house burned. Darling, don't you realize we're alone? Actually, alone. Making love to your mother-in-law. No, no, no, stop. What about Diana? Diana belongs to Gilbert. She doesn't know that. Well, I'll talk to him. But first, I want to talk to you. And I'm trying to tell you that I love you. Well, what do you know? I hear bells. Oh, the doorbell. Well, let it ring. You're forgetting I'm the mayor. Oh, yes, I did forget. And what's more important, I think for a moment, you forgot too. George, what if someone found me here with you alone? In your own kitchen. Well, it would take so much explaining. I'll be right back. Wait here. I know it's kind of late, Mrs. Crandall, but could I come in? Well, Gilbert, what's the matter? I can't eat anymore. I can't sleep either. Well, there's a kind of an epidemic of that around here. Come in, Gilbert. You know, this situation with Diana has me very unhappy, too. But I do think that you and I can... Huh? Can what? Well, I've been noticing you a lot lately, Gilbert. I've been noticing you, too. Oh, you have? Uh-huh. Oh, Gilbert, sometimes I get so impatient with you. You do? Well, yeah. If you're in love with a woman, you ought to stay so and not just sit around in corners looking at her. A woman can't stand that. She can? Well, certainly not. So she turns to someone else. Turns to who? Well, in this case, Mr. Corday. But he's going to marry Diana. Oh, yes, that's what I... And you don't have to turn to anybody, Mrs. Anne. What? You're so smart and pretty in everything that... Oh, Gilbert. Well, I didn't know that. I'm not dumb anymore. And just approve it to you. And a dime. Well, I guess I better be going now. Well, I guess you'd better. Oh! What's the matter? Oh, nothing. Only I think I'm engaged to Gilbert. Good morning, Mr. Crandall. Morning, morning. Uh, eating breakfast, huh? Gilbert, I've been wanting to talk to you. Don't you think it's time you got up on your hind legs and acted like a man? Oh, I, uh, I did. Who did? Good night. I sure did. Well, now... Oh, good morning, Mr. Crandall and Gilbert. Well, congratulations, Gilbert. I think you and Anne will make a perfect couple. Yes, I was just telling Gilbert... What did you say? Oh, hello, Gilbert. Oh, uh, where's Diana? Oh, and, uh, how do you feel this morning, Diana? All right. Good. I couldn't wait to tell her, Gilbert. Well, how do you like it? Well, I think it's perfectly sweet. Except... Yes? There's a disgusting difference in the range, is that all? Oh, not nearly as much as between you and George, dear. Will somebody please tell me what this is? I'll tell you, Grandpa. Anne and Gilbert are engaged to be married. No. No? Oh, Gilbert, uh, George and I talked it over, and we think it's so selfish of us not to share our happiness with the town. Ma'am? So we've decided to announce our joint engagements tomorrow. You know, at the unveiling of the new statue. But good night, I haven't even asked my mother yet. What's more fun to surprise her, don't you think? If you don't mind, I think I'll go out and come in again. This just can't be happening. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Don't you feel a draft? Diana, dear, will you get me my shawl, please? Shawl? Oh, you'll find my pills in the desk. Would you mind? Pills? Oh, naturally, before eating, you know. Well, look where you're going, Gilbert. I'm trying to get George's shawl. Well, I don't say anything to cry about. I don't suppose you think it makes the person nervous to be engaged. Well, good night, don't I know it? And if it makes you so darn nervous, what you gonna marry him for? Living this house with you is my stepfather. Doing a strip, he's getting arrested. Well, good night. If one for two seconds, I'll tell Buchanan the whole story. I did it, so assume it. You told the newspaper about Anne being arrested? I certainly did. Then I got drunk. Father, do you realize that this is the end of me, isn't it? Something had to be done to blast you out of this town, didn't it? Well, I blasted. I'm terribly sorry. Oh, good night. Mr. Corday? Yes, dear? Don't you choose to know that I expected... So am I. Good night. So am I. I'm sorry, mother, but you just have to take the consequences, even if he does have a stomach condition. Oh, hey, can't I go? He's my grandfather, too, isn't he? Your grandfather? Well, good night. I almost married her, didn't I? And I'll probably end up marrying you, won't I? I'm just dumb enough. How you ever had? Well, and I guess I'll have to make an honest woman out of you. He'll be a sweet wedding. The bride were a lovely arrangement of tar and feathers. Oh, darling. You think I'm exaggerating? You don't know a small town. The mayor's supposed to keep her shirt on. Mrs. Crandall! Mrs. Crandall! Yes, Jessie? They just broken the windows. Oh, so I was exaggerating, was I? What windows? Oh, not our windows. In the newspaper office. Oh, Mrs. Crandall, everybody in town seen that newspaper this morning, and everybody's waiting for you now at the statue. They want to give you a vote of confidence. Oh, what's that? We all agree that no Crandall could possibly have to get that. And if they did, we wouldn't believe it. Well, they're waiting for you. Oh, that's kind of nice, isn't it? Very nice. Very comfortable. But we're leaving here just the same. Leaving here? We're getting married, you know. But I... Now, some place warm would be nice, you know, for my condition. Yes, some place warm. But of course, that's not possible right now. And why not? Where, with the election coming up and everything? I'm running. Running where? Against Mr. Buchanan, for mayor. Sorry, but you can't. Listen. Listen, there's the ban. Aren't you coming? You feel very proud, won't you? Going out there and letting them cheer you, but you did get arrested, didn't you? Well, yes. And they won't admit it, will they? Not for one minute. They apologize. They compromise. They say no Crandall would act like that. And if they did, they wouldn't believe it. It's awful. That's awful about it. What you're trying to say is that you and I simply don't look at anything alike. You paid me a great compliment when you said I wouldn't sit in the Brookhaven. But you do. Oh, you have. I don't. I've hidden and whispered and explained until I want to get on a mountain and yell, I love Anne and Anne loves me. But you don't understand. After we are married, it will be different then. More respectable, is that it? Look, I have to go to the unveiling. Please come with me. Why? I want to tell them that I'm going to marry you. To see if they approve. No, Anne. You know, I once told you that you had too much character. I've changed my mind. You haven't nearly enough. Then you wouldn't want to stay in any case. Well, Mr. Caudé, at least let me thank you for our lovely statue. Consider it a going away present. Mayor Crandall. Thank you. I'll mail you a text tomorrow. Oh, you will find a small amount added for amusement text. Come on, let's do it together, Anne. We may as well be gay about it. Come on, replace some checkers. I hate checkers. If you don't have to cry about it. I just don't feel good. Of course you don't. Maybe now you realize that most women could live eight lifetimes and still not get a chance at a fellow like George Caudé. I have everything just the way I wanted it. You're lying again. I know it. Oh, Father, isn't this ridiculous? It is. I'm pretty annoyed with Jonathan, you know. He shouldn't have started something he couldn't finish. I never would have gone to New York in the first place would I have here and lost his head. Now he's standing out there like the rock of Gibraltar. Yep. And lightning never strikes twice in the same place. Oh, Mr. Cando. Oh, no! What? One of your constituents undoubtedly with a flooded seller. I'm coming, I'm coming. Oh, Mayor Crandall. Come on, everybody. Mr. Cando. Mr. Cando. Mr. Cando. Mr. Cando. Mr. Cando. Excuse me, Your Honor. I was just walking past, minding my own business, and why him? Just like his curse or something. What happened? Jonathan's head. It fell off again. Oh, no! Oh, it certainly looked as if something bigger than we are got a hand in this, Mayor. Don't you think so? Yes. It does, doesn't it? I guess it would probably be downright dangerous for me to continue as Mayor. No telling what might happen next. That's certainly a most uncertain thing to look at, Mr. Cando. I suppose it's silly of us to be so superstitious. I certainly wouldn't want the responsibility of daring the supernatural. I'll resign immediately. Well, why don't you please report that right now to the newspaper? Good night, and thank you. Who says there aren't any miracles left in the world? Jonathan snapped off his noggin again. Oh, I saw him when he did it. Did what? Who? That artist fellow, the night he left. He fixed it so it would fall off. He did, and you didn't say anything. Mayor believes in miracles. You're a human being. You don't call for you to be insulting, Mr. Cando. Let's see the... When it's getting me down to... Oh, this rain. Well, get back to work. The people who sent me thought I might have just what you're looking for. Once again, it's time for that tradition of the theater, the curtain call. And back to the footlights come tonight stars. Irene Dung and Walter Pigeon. Hey, Bill. Who's that strange-looking character hovering around the wing? Yes, I saw him as I came in. By the way, Bill, aren't the tickets for the Radio Theater complimentary? Of course. Well, this fellow had a whole handful, and he was trying to charge people a dollar a piece. Oh, that's Stan. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Here he comes now. Why, it's Jack Benny. Well, Jack, welcome to the Radio Theater. Yes, we were just talking about you. I just found out those tickets are complimentary. Give me back my two dollars. Sit down, Mr. Minerva. Deal's a deal. Well, Jack, what are you doing here? What can I do for you? Well, Bill, I'll tell you, you see, I've been a comedian all my life, but I've always felt that my talent lay in other lines. Well, I'm sure a lot of people would agree with you, Jack. And just what other lines? The violin? No, no, you see, I can see myself as a great dramatic actor playing a real meaty role. That's why I brought this script along. Here, take a look, Bill. Irene Waller. Killer Kate, starring Jack Benny. A thrilling drama of gunplay and suspense with Jack Benny in the title role of Killer Kate. Say, isn't this a little out of your line, Jack? Out of my line? No, listen to this. You didn't give me a break, did you, Blackie? When you sent me up to the big house to rock the lousy cells, I'll see this gun. Take that. Oops, it went off. Look, Jack, what about this play? Well, when are you going to do it? Well, Bill, I thought maybe you could give me about an hour's time. Do you want to do it here? Certainly, your audience will love me, Bill. A new Jack Benny. Brutal, snarling. Rockless. Ruthless. Ruthless, I mean. You know, as a matter of fact, I wouldn't miss it. And me neither. Me neither. Neither, I mean. Good night, Bill. Well, thanks, everybody. Good night. Good night. Good night. This is William Keely, saying good night to you from Hollywood.