 Now why is this important? Obviously, we're guessing as you listen, you probably recognize one or two of these things that really matter to you more than the others. And according to Chapman, everyone has a primary and a secondary love language. But while it's helpful to know your own preference, it's even more important to know the preference of your partner, your friend, your coworker, so you can communicate more effectively that value, that appreciation that we're talking about. You know, once again, we talk about adding value, giving people attention, approval, and acceptance to add value to the world around us, and now you have five different ways to receive and deliver that value. And what's great about this is playing the game of what is everyone's language around me, and then feeding them exactly what they want and watching what happens after a week, after two weeks. That's the emotional intelligence and the charm that we've been talking about for the last 12 years. Now, let's talk about how to do this, and this is all about open conversations. When you are trying to discern what your friend, partner's coworkers love language is, we gotta be open and vulnerable with each other. So how do we do that? And we know with friends and coworkers, it's not so easy, but it's worth it because when you're not having effective communication around trust, value, appreciation of the other person, well, we can see the communication breakdowns leading to some problems. Well, as Gary Chapman, he talks about that each of us have an emotional tank, and that tank needs to be filled with love. And if we are not, if our tank is on empty, we're going to look elsewhere in order to get that filled because as we talked about in many other episodes here, when that is filled, you feel connected, you feel wanted, you feel appreciated, you feel safe when that is empty, you don't feel safe, you feel scared. And of course, at that point, you're not going to feel very good about yourself and where you are and the people around you. Now, before we get into open conversations, let's talk about some simple ways that we can start paying closer attention to these behaviors. The easiest way is to look for how people around you behave when you've done something amazing that you're proud of. Are they touching you? Are they giving you a gift? Are they celebrating you with words of affirmation? These are the little signals that we need to be paying closer attention to. And as we've obviously covered before, Dr. Gottman's research around emotional bids, understanding people's ways and methods for trying to connect with us, for those of you who haven't been listening, you know it's important for us to examine the science behind the concepts we teach. That is what this show is all about. And Chapman's love languages are clearly written outside of the realm of scientific literature. So we did some research about their scientific validity and we found an interesting paper by Nicole Egbert and Denise Polk that was published in 2006. They write, all of the claims bear a striking resemblance to literature about relational maintenance. Relational maintenance refers to behaviors enacted to preserve desired relational features. The use of these behaviors has been connected with equity, love, satisfaction, and commitment. As I was saying, trust, right? Several typologies of maintenance behaviors exist and many of these items parallel what Chapman in 1992 calls love languages. So don't let the woo-woo love languages. I know my scientists listening, analytical guys who are like, and gals, wait, what love language? Come on, AJ, Johnny, I thought you guys are into science. The science is in. What we're talking about, these examples, science is buried out, are how we equate love, satisfaction, and commitment, and trust with someone else.