 Bismillah. So it's such an honor to be with you tonight, Estada Jose, and to be with whoever is watching us. Alhamdulillah, welcome. And we just, we just had this conversation, right, about, you know, this, this little meeting of ours here online. And this discussion that we're came out of a really interesting conversation that you and I and some other teachers were having, just about a topic that was of great concern. And so, yeah, maybe you want to announce a little bit more about that. And sure. Yes, we were on a thread, right? We're on a thread together. Alhamdulillah, as you said, with several other teachers. And I believe one of the other teachers mentioned something regarding TikTok, which as maybe some of you who are watching know about, maybe some of you don't, but just a little bit of background. TikTok is an app like many of the popular social media apps that has really kind of taken flight for the past, I would say, maybe a couple of years. I think it originated in China, I want to say it's a Chinese app that was then brought over to the U.S. And it became very, very popular as a platform primarily for performers, for skits, entertaining sort of, you know, has an entertainment value for people to showcase maybe their dance skills, their singing skills, their acting skills. So it became, I think initially that was its great pull is that a lot of people were just interested in watching, you know, complete strangers from all parts of the world showcase their, their unique talents. And I had always heard of it, you know, in the past, you know, a year or two, maybe as an app, but I never understood what it really was until very recently, I would say, I think it was the beginning of the year. I do programs with teens and, you know, they're coming of age talks and I try to really reach, you know, reach across the generational divide and make a connection with them. So I allow them to open up about things that are going on in their lives. What, you know, what are they watching in terms of television, in terms of film, what songs are they listening to? And of course, social media comes up. And so I like to, you know, get a pulse on what's going on because it's constantly evolving. There was a time where Snapchat was the popular app, right? And then people left Snapchat all of a sudden there was like an exodus mass exodus. And then it was, you know, Instagram, everybody suddenly jumped on Instagram. And then I saw also that there was the switch, you know, we know that teens for the most part, I think they don't even come close to Facebook. It's like the older people's app. But these other more visually based apps were popular for a while. But as I know this day, I feel like teens are kind of also leaving Instagram. So this is where my inquiry query began. And I asked like, what's what are the popular apps now? And this is when a group of teens told me that the most popular app is probably TikTok amongst their demographic. And again, I had, I knew of TikTok, but I just never ever bothered to download it or really explore what it was. So after one of the teens admitted to me that it's so highly addictive, she was just kind of being herself and being honest and said to me that she one time was so just enthralled by her, you know, captivated by everything that was going on. She ended up spending four hours on it in like one setting. She realized, wow, it's just so addictive, but she can almost pull herself away. That statement is what compelled me to say, okay, I need to know what's going on. So I downloaded the app. And instantly I just remember that as soon as I got on the first, you know, in the sign up process, they ask you, you know, to pick your interests. And there's a, you know, menu of different things that you might want to see, right? So I kept it very minimal. I think I picked two things because I just didn't want to be bombarded. And so I was like, let's see what comes up. But it's to curate, you know, the content for you. So as you move, and it's a very quick sign up process, by the way, they're not really asking a lot of information. But as soon as I started the app, I was like, oh my God, and I could see that the interface was designed in a way that was quite, I mean, you know, genius, I guess you could say from a app, you know, perspective or, you know, a creator's perspective, a developer, excuse me, perspective, because it's so easy to use all you have to do basically literally a swipe, you know, kind of like the Tinder format, you know, where you're, it's like a dating app, right? Minder to Tinder, there's all these ones, but it's like, yeah, I'm not interested. I can just move on from this person and then find something that interests me. So it's the same exact thing. And but it moves very quickly. So I found myself as I'm first experience ever going, okay, whoa, whoa, and I spent, you know, maybe 30 minutes, 40 minutes, plus just trying to get a grasp of what it was. And then it started to sink in like, oh my gosh, because the content initially started pretty, you know, innocent, a lot of dancing and singing. But weaved between all of that was some very suggestive stuff, highly graphic content, very disturbing from a Muslim's perspective. And then I just thought, oh my God, I can't believe teens are exposed to this like Muslim teens, especially, you know, do parents know what's going on? Yeah, I took a break. But I gave myself a little bit of time because I didn't want to, you know, make this sort of a definitive declaration about it without being somewhat fair. So I said, let me just go back to it, maybe the next day or whenever it was, and I'll just see what else I see. During that, I would say, you know, research phase, I guess. I just was like, oh, this is very, very toxic. And I just was like, parents should absolutely not have their kids on this. This is horrible, because it started, the content started getting worse and worse. And I don't know if that was an algorithm feature where, you know, they're looking at what videos I'm maybe spending a little bit too much time on. I don't know. But I just realized, like, why did we go from singing and dancing to now an overwhelming amount of, you know, just very inappropriate graphics, sort of sexually, you know, a lot of over, I can't even explain it, but like couples, oftentimes many of them were gay, you know, men and women, doing things inappropriately, making jokes. But it was just like so much of that. And I thought, if you have a 12 or 13 year old, which some of these kids were on this app, even if they're watching their friends and private accounts, this feature allows them to watch anybody because some of the videos were, you know, from very popular people, celebrities, others were unknown people. But it was a very, it was like a hodgepodge. How can you control what's coming to you? I couldn't control it. And so it disturbed me on a very deep level. I wrote a post on it on Facebook. And that post, Alhamdulillah, went, I guess a bit viral, they say in the sense that moms were, I think, who didn't know and parents who didn't know started cutting and pasting and kind of putting out a warning to their friends. And then the, and I'm sorry, I'm kind of giving a very long answer, but it gives you the background of how this all came about. The final sort of, you know, culmination of all that was that one mom shared it on a WhatsApp page or thread. And then that, and then her daughter was on TikTok. She came on to kind of vent that my mom really wants me and my younger brother to get off of TikTok. And look, and then she posts in the background my post saying that, you know, this Muslim lady, thank God my name wasn't on that, right? This Muslim lady is telling everybody to get their kids off of TikTok. And so she was lamenting, but she was much, she had good adib about it. So that was relieving. But I think, you know, that was where the conversation took place on the thread is that I referenced that incident happening and then just gave more of a warning about the dangers of this app that I believe parents are really not very well informed about, but also the teens themselves may not quite understand why this content or this, you know, outpouring sort of bombardment in terms of, you know, what the content is, is quite actually detrimental to them spiritually. So that's why you were so gracious to respond to that, you know, on that thread. And then here we are, right? It's really good. I mean, I'm so, I'm so happy that you, I mean, you obviously really care a lot about the people who you're working with. And it's kind of just a whole background of how you, how, you know, knowing that someone could spend four hours on something like this, just how that struck your heart. I mean, that's just, that just gives me shivers because, you know, really literally I have goosebumps because that's what we need. We need, we really need people like you who care and who will say, okay, fine, you're, you're in this swamp and I'm coming in to get you like, because then you went and signed up for this thing to figure out like, what is this that's taking that would, that would suck someone in for four whole hours, I need to know, I need to, you know, figure it out so that I can help people. And then you wrote that beautiful post and I'm saying beautiful. Yeah, it was full of warnings, but beautiful because, again, it's an expression of care. And I think, you know, I mean, I'm, I didn't really know what TikTok is. Like I didn't know until you explained it, which, you know, shows that I'm just not in that world. And, but I also have seen it appearing a lot on like TikTok videos appearing on Instagram. So it was clear that it was getting quite popular if it and I saw people who I know, like who I follow on Instagram, there might be professionals in different fields, doctors and people like that saying, Oh, I'm on TikTok now. And then you would start to see videos with, with, with music and with a very particular format. So it kind of crossed over, I guess, into, into other types of social media at a certain point. But I think the real reason we wanted to get together and talk about this is just to talk about how, you know, form formats and genres of social media or platforms as they're called, you know, how people are using them, especially at a time like this, when we are being told to be socially distant from each other. That means we cannot, we can't go to a restaurant with our friends. We can't go to the park in the, you know, in many cities, you can't, the parks are closed. So in my city, the parks are literally closed. You know, we have neighbors who are being empowered to call a snitchline if they see people outside who they suspect are not, you know, family members. So it's a very, it's a time when people are choosing to stay home or they're being asked to stay home or it's the law at this point to stay home. And given that, you know, what, what happens then, what are people turning to in order to pass the time and in order to have a sense of connection or community? So I'm interested in hearing from you. What, what are you seeing there and what are your concerns since you are kind of our expert in TikTok? You're sweet. I'm, I'm, I've hardly got myself an expert in anything, but thank you for that. Masha'Allah. You know, I have seen, I think an uptick in, you know, social media use because as you mentioned, people are isolated, they're, you know, bored. And that's really the essential, you know, issue here is that in the absence of something productive, what, what do, what do we do? How do we respond? Right. And I think a lot of times people who are maybe not, who don't have that level of self-awareness, perhaps they don't realize that they're, you know, that they have the, the propensity to just kind of fall into things that are quite dangerous only because they, they don't, they're not doing something like I said productive, right? So again, you're spending so many hours at home where as before there were, there was always something to do to keep you occupied. You were in school, maybe you were in a sport, you know, specifically speaking to teens, right? They were engaged in some activity that kept them away from it. And between those, you know, activities, I'm sure they found opportunities because that's what, you know, I've heard anyway, that there was always a way to try to get checked into your social media apps, to your text messages at school or at extracurricular activities, but it wasn't as consistent these big large blocks of time that we're seeing now, right? From the morning, if there's no schedule or your classes, maybe online, if you're still doing school, which I think most people are might be reduced hours. So you're leaving a lot more time to kind of figure out what to, what to do with that time and pass that time. And unfortunately, the phone is so accessible, it's in our hands. We have Wi-Fi at home. So, you know, a lot of those barriers that would maybe take place in other, you know, situations or locations are removed. The ease of access is so easy. And then it's just, it passes the time quickly, you know, so I do feel unfortunately there's been an uptick. I know myself, for example, I've never until this quarantine seen my internet unstable, but I've had unstable internet quite a few times. And my assumption is my neighbors are probably, all of us are online a lot because even the streaming services, right, the Netflix and all the other film or television streaming services take up internet. So I just feel like the dependency on these devices has increased considerably. You know, and just to kind of give you a quick little story to make that point, my sons, I home school my children and so we have to meet with their what we call ES or educational specialist. She's a teacher, but she checks in on their work. And so she asked about, you know, different books that my oldest son was reading. And so I kind of told her that, you know, he's finished, you know, some of the classics. And so she wanted to suggest, you know, certain literature, you know, to him, but she immediately went to, Oh, you know, you can, he can do it online and he can use the Kindle. And, you know, she started offering that. And I just told her, I said, you know, I have a very different philosophy about my, you know, reading. I want my kids to actually touch a physical book. And I my kid, my, my oldest is 11. He doesn't really even know how to use a browser. He's very off the grid in terms of the internet. I do everything for them. If they need a search of something, they can, you know, we have a little home pod for Apple. So they can ask Siri questions. But in terms of, you know, giving a device to a child, I'm very, that's just my personal philosophy. But she was like really like, she was kind of surprised that I wouldn't even want them to read a book. I was like, you're asking me to give a classic, you know, something like Huckleberry Finn to my child online on a device? Like why would I do that? That's like, so anyhow, I think that's just the popular, you know, sentiment is that everything's online anyway, might as well, you know, read. So it's definitely a concern. I feel my, you know, I feel like we're going to probably have a lot of addicts come out of this quarantine. Yeah, of their social media usage. That's right. I agree with you. And I think that we can, we can broaden our discussion. I think that we can certainly come back to, to TikTok specifically, because it has all those elements, as you mentioned, that really make it palatable to someone who, you know, maybe a young person who, you know, it's easy to sign up to, and then it just comes at you, you know, you don't really have to go looking. And I think that this is something we really have to emphasize, because I think people don't realize that I see, for example, we have a sort of, you know, we put out a message yesterday sent a collective that, you know, a lot of people for a lot of people. So not yesterday, but Friday. So for a lot of people, the past Friday was the third Friday without Salat al-Juma, right? For the holidays that started to, I think the first round of closures of Juma happened three weeks ago. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam forbade any man from missing three Juma prayers in a row. It's a, it's a very serious sin. And subhanAllah, I mean, it's when we, I think it's so important to look at sin, not only in terms of the Fikr or the, okay, yes, we know that, okay, if the, if the messages have been closed for a legitimate reason, okay, it's not a sin in the sense that they couldn't attend, they had no choice. But we're talking here about that when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam insists on something, it's because he, there's a message behind it. There is a, there's a value, there is a nafa, there is a benefit, there is a goodness that comes from being there at Juma, that he's telling us you, if you miss it three times in a row, it's, you're in a danger zone, basically. Absolutely. Spiritually speaking, you, you've lost something that should be a fundamental part of your spiritual diet. And so that was, this Friday was really critical in that sense that here we are and where are you? Like, where are we now? So we've not had this congregational gathering with advice coming from, from, you know, whatever the advice is, you know, we know that not all khutbas, not all Friday sermons are brilliant, but nonetheless, there are words that are spoken in a Friday sermon that are the exact same words that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, and there is a blessing in that. And that, that hasn't been spoken now in some places for three whole weeks. And so that's a 21 day thing. And then when you think about it, you know, many, you know, many people say many self-help and social scientists and whoever say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. So what are the habits that we've formed now? Like, and what are the habits? I mean, we have to be careful that it doesn't become a habit for us to feel like, oh, I don't go to the mosque. I mean, if tomorrow everything opened up, how many people would be like, I, it's very challenging for me to even go because I've just become very used to the way things are right now. Yes, maybe for the first few days, it wasn't, it felt odd, you felt the pain of not going to, to the prayer if you were someone who went often to the masjid. And then after that, it just becomes a new norm, as they say, right? The new norm. And so that, so we put out a little message on Friday, as I said, to say, hey, and not only that, but it was also 21 days till Ramadan. So here we are. It's been 21 days since quarantine started. And now we have 21 days till Ramadan. Let's make good habits going forward. And so why am I talking about all this? I think that it's, I think that a lot of people, someone commented on the little post there and mentioning Netflix and saying Netflix is, you know, you guys shouldn't be saying no to Netflix because Netflix is a platform, Netflix is a tool. You can watch good things. You can watch bad things. And I think that's been a statement that Muslims have been making and it's come from Muslim scholars back in the day for a long time, right? It started with television when I was young. That was still a question. Is TV a bad thing? Is it okay? I remember my dad would, you know, sometimes be like, I don't know. And then that view was out there that look, it's just a tool. If you use it for good, it's good. If you use it for bad, it's bad. It's neutral. And, and then of course, when I got older, we read things like the medium is the message that it's not just neutral, like the way it brings, any medium also is, is teaching you to think a certain way and teaching you to interact a certain way with its content. And now I think I just want to bring that up because this whole comment that Netflix is just a medium, I think, you know, kind of similar to what you were saying about TikTok, when I first watched something on Netflix, I just borrowed someone else's account, I couldn't believe how addictive it was. Right. And it wasn't because of the actual content. The thing I was, I was watching this, I watched a little bit of that show, what's it called, about the queen and nothing special really in terms of a show. But what made it addictive is that there were no commercials. Right. There were no breaks at all, not only that, but you could even skip the intro. So you didn't, there was no, there was no way that you would pause and be like, Oh, you know what, maybe, maybe I won't watch the next one. It's just a hit after hit after hit after hit. And it's, I think we need to talk, we need to just acknowledge that and say that, listen, it's hard when something is coming at you with that much ease, but you have to find a way to step back from that and say, what's going on for me here? You know, is this really how I want things to go? And I really understood at that point how it's possible to do a Netflix binge. I agree with everything you said. And that's, I mean, as you were speaking, I just kept thinking about, you know, again, this idea of, which I think I mentioned to you privately, that I think people have lost sort of maybe sight of, you know, we know from our tradition that Allah has created us weak, and that we, you know, have, you know, sort of, what are they called? We have internal and external forces that are pulling us, right, away from Allah, and those internal forces are, of course, our nafs, our lower sort of, you know, selves that want to indulge, want to just basically sit down and do nothing, you know, inertia, inactivity, eating, sleeping, all of those appetites that are, you know, very much associated with sitting and watching television or film or browsing on the internet, right, are very much a manifestation of the nafs, right, of the lower nafs, to basically indulging itself, because the more you do those things, the more you kind of fall into a spiritual slumber in a way, right, and this is why people, as you said, when they're binging, whether it's their phone or they're binging on Netflix, even if they're watching documentaries, and everything is good, the problem is that we're so forgetful, right, in sand, we know this, you know, the word that Allah's Almighty describes us with comes also from the same root word as nasian, right, which is to forget. We are so forgetful that when we indulge too much in our lower selves, we set ourselves up to potentially, you know, slip in terms of our spiritual efforts, right, so prayers are missed, we forget, oh, oops, I was supposed to, you know, call mom or, you know, call dad or do, you know, run this errand or do my, you know, recitation of the Quran for the day or whatever, all these things that we should normally have as part of our daily practice suddenly become compromised, because the nefs falls into the state of just absolute, as I said, it's kind of like an intoxication, and that's how, you know, I had two young boys, but I very early on, in explaining the human nature, introduced this word addiction to them, because I wanted them to understand, you know, what the word addiction was, and that it was something that all human beings are prone to, because sometimes when we hear it, we think immediately of alcohol or drugs, but no, addiction is something that we, every single human being can fall into if we don't learn self-regulation, which is where the framework of emotional intelligence becomes incredibly useful for people, because everything you were just describing is an outline of emotional intelligence. If you're self-aware and you're paying attention to your, you know, own tendencies, then you just sort of naturally develops into wanting to, you know, practice restraint, right? And so you become aware of yourself, and then that leads, that's the second quality, you know, there's five qualities of emotional intelligence, you know, according to Daniel Goldman, he's the leading expert. I actually have his, his book right here, so I'm going to just show you. Some people, you know, I just feel like it's such a great resource, but here's the book, right? Nice. And in this book, he talks about five qualities, and so if you pay attention to the five qualities, I have always said, because I love talking about this, but I say, this is a slam, he literally, I feel like he just went into our Dean and said, okay, let me just cut and paste. But, you know, first one is self-awareness. So know your, and have knowledge of yourself, know that you're weak in certain things, and, you know, you're strong in certain things, you have talents, you have skills, but you have shahua, you have certain things that are unique to you. Not everybody will have that, right? Mujahidah, right? There's certain things, some people struggle with their prayers, some people struggle with fasting, some people, you know, struggle with Riba. So everybody has to know what your own internal, you know, issues are and struggles are. That's self-awareness, right? And there's so many other components of self-awareness, but just in the context of what we're talking about, you know, that's self-awareness. Self-regulation is withholding, you know, taski et al nafs, like you need to know how to, you know, purify yourself and how to strengthen yourself so that you're not falling into these dangerous behaviors. And then motivation is the third quality, empathy, and then social skills. So all of these he goes into, you know, in depth, but if you just parallel them with Islam in terms of what we're taught and the example of the Prophet ﷺ, it all makes sense. And I think my observation is that we have lost this mindset, we've lost this structure that Ardeen has given us, and people forget that, you know what, becoming, you know, or practicing Muslim is not just someone who prays five times a day and does their ritual acts. They're people who are actively engaged in the process of self-purification on a daily basis, right? So you can't just, you know, study a book or take a class on taski et al nafs and feel like check, I'm done. And, you know, as long as I pray and do this, I'm good. The process of purification is every day. And the bottom line is we sin every day and we falter every day and we slip every day. And so if we don't learn that that's such an important priority to constantly, you know, practice or be in the practice of, then we set ourselves up to, like you said, or kind of you, in a way you mentioned earlier about our tendency to make excuses, right? Television, Netflix, and that's again the nafs, right? The nafs is very good at, it's like a lawyer. It knows well how to defend what it wants, right? So we justify certain things because we want it, right? It's all, that's what it is. But you learn if you're in this mindset, how to distinguish those thoughts, you know, that this is really nafs. This is my nafs wanting to indulge in this. And I, you know, have to control it because if I don't, I run the risk of, you know, majorly slipping. And then, you know, there's so many consequences, as you said, ramifications to that. And that's where I think my heart breaks for the youth out there because if we don't empower them with these toolkits and with this knowledge, and then we give them these devices, which I firmly believe are more dangerous than a weapon, to give your young children a phone or an iPad or anything that gives them access to all of the dangerous elements of our world with the click of a button, without giving them the toolkits to help them understand why these things are so dangerous is really, is very dangerous. And especially in the teen years, right? Because this is where, you know, the medical experts know more, but from what they've shared, they don't have executive function, you know, that part of the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed for teens. So for them to actually have self control and restraint, their mujaheda basically is much harder, right? Their mujaheda is much harder. And so you're giving a young adolescent or up to up until, you know, I think 21 is the age where late adolescence completes. And that's where that part of the brain forms completely. So look at that span of, you know, time that we're talking about, where giving them access to this information is almost like really putting them in the battlefield without any armor. And then we wonder why we have addictions and social anxiety disorders and all these mental health crises in that demographic. I just feel like, you know, it's all there, you know. So that's right. Yeah, it's really depressing diagnosis. I think we need to call it what it is. I think we're in a major crisis that is far worse than any physical virus. And it's this situation that we're in has just brought it to light, but it's it's been festering for a good long time. And I think that it's really, you know, we have to ask ourselves as individuals, what have we done? I mean, again, I mean, we started this conversation with you telling us what you did. And I think that's really of the whole story, because you made like you cared about this youth that you were with. And yet a lot of Muslims are living, adult Muslims are living our lives in a real bubble. And we have no idea what's happening with the youth. We have no idea what's happening with the 95% of Muslims who don't attend the functions that, you know, the place at Masjid, even they are just not, they don't feel included. And what's happening with all of these people and what have we done to take a stance? You know, Subhanallah, we saw people during this whole corona crisis, everybody was taking a stance. Practically, everyone was, you know, making statements like stay home and stay home and stay home. Even your average layperson who they don't know anything about medicine or anything, they got involved in this cause. And I think we need to see that kind of effort being galvanized for the cause of saving youth from a kind of addiction that is unlike any other kind. So I want to talk about that just for a little bit and ask you about that, because you mentioned, I think that's beautiful that you talked to your sons about addiction. And, you know, there's addiction, then there's addiction, and there's sin, and then there's sin. And sexual addiction and sexual sin is unlike anything else. It really does warp the fitla and it warps your natural desire to attain to a spiritual closeness to God. It warps it and it can actually destroy it. And that's what we see going on. This is not a joke. It's really a very serious thing to have children as young as 10 and 12 seeing sexual images. This is an attack. It's an attack on what God has given them. Alas Panathana gave us something inside us that's precious. And I mean, you and I, maybe you're from my same generation or maybe I'm older than you by a little bit, but based on your back to the future comment, maybe you were the same generation. But anyway, you know, I come from a time when there really weren't all, like there was email came in, I remember when I was, when I started to attend university, that was the first email, and it was just text based. And so I had a childhood and a teen hood that had none of these images in it and no access to this kind of thing, except movies. That was it. And upon Allah, you're talking about this ability to you know, how difficult it is for teens to resist temptation and so on. And yet Allah's Panathana also put in teens very powerful energy to, if they can get the right teachings at the right moment, they also have a very powerful energy to reach heights that you cannot reach later on. And this has to be said. Allah's Panathana praises the youth who grew up in a state of coming to Allah or being obedient to Allah or being in the service of God. He specified youth because there's something that is so unique about that energy that you have. And right now it's really being undermined and directed towards things that are extremely detrimental and extremely damaging for their future. And to me, it's actually appalling that as Muslims, we haven't taken a universal stance to say enough is enough with this stuff, including things like TikTok because I mean, what is the difference between the kinds of things you were describing and pornography? Is there an actual difference? Absolutely. I agree with everything you said and say, you know, the thing is, as you said, you know, teens, Mashallah, they're, you know, part of the seven that are guaranteed shade on the day of judgment, those who come right to Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la and their youth. So absolutely they're honored. But I think people need to understand. This is why I love talking to teens because you're right. We underestimate their intelligence. They're far more capable than what maybe we think. I think there's this dumbing down element that we have to fess up to, which is not from Islam. It's a very Western thing. You know, this idea that, oh, they're not an adult until they're 18. I don't accept that. I definitely don't accept that. I reject that. I think exactly what our Dean teaches, which is when they hit puberty, they are adults, speak to them in that way that they can rationalize information instead of just trying to sugarcoat or shield them. Give them the truth so that they know what to do with that truth. So when I talk to teens, I let them know very clearly what's going on in terms of the exploitation of their demographic. You know, teens should know that there's an agenda by the higher ups. And we can sit here and it's not conspiracy theory. This is just plain capitalism at play. You have a system that is basically functions on getting as many consumers as possible. And we know this from research. They target children now. Forget teens. They're targeting our children. The magazines still in the grocery stands. Why are the most inappropriate foul images placed at eye level for young children? The home goods and housekeeping magazines are up top. But the salacious scandalous, you know, just tabloid junk is put on the media. Why? Because these people, all the blood, there's definitely an agenda. There's people who are paid a lot of money to study human behavior, to study, you know, these things and to figure out how to market whatever they're selling to new consumers. And so we're very naive if we think they're not targeting our children. When you see young children's clothing with highly suggestive sexual messages, like why does a little five year old girl first of all need to have a bikini? I don't know why she would need to wear a bikini in Target. You know, they have these ridiculous outfits or have on her underwear written something like juicy the word. Why is that acceptable in our society? Why are we, why do we have these beauty pageant shows that, you know, take these little girls who are innocent and pure in Fitra, as you said, some of them are six, seven years old, and we dress them up like women and we do hair and makeup and then have them strutting. There was once I think, oh, but I just couldn't believe that this is again, you know, that this wasn't flagged by some child advocacy, you know, group as being highly inappropriate, you know, these girls who are doing basically pornographic and, you know, routines that you would find, you know, strippers doing for mostly or, you know, mixed audiences, many of which I'm sure I'm certain are child predators sitting there because this is what they would love to watch. So we have a society that is sick in terms of these things. And if we as Muslims have to, like you said, we have to be more ahead of this and we have to have, you know, enough is enough stance. We have to be vocal when we see the threat, not just for our own group, you know, we don't do this, oh, you know, us versus them, this is humanity, this is, you know, and so when you see the evil, the pervasive evil everywhere around you, and whether it's on an app or in a film or in a cartoon, whatever, we have to stand up. But unfortunately, we see the opposite. We see, I don't know if you, you know, got wind of anything that happened at the Super Bowl halftime show, but it was quite all over the media. I wrote a post because I was so disturbed by that performance. I watched it, not all of it, I was honestly disgusted by it, but I said, this is so disturbing, I can't believe anybody, nobody, you know, stood up for families and children because children watch football, you know, there's kids all over America, all over the world who are into sports, they like the sport of it. So you're, you know, putting them in, you know, out of this position where they have no idea what's going to happen, all of a sudden, these two women who are in their 40s and 50s basically doing a stripper's routine, and we're having shots, you know, at a camera angle going directly into their private areas, this is unacceptable America. The shocking thing was on the comments of my post, many Muslims came to the defense of these artists as they called them. This was for me like, wow, what's happened in our community? We're clear wrong, you know, we don't even need to sit here and define, you know, lines in terms of religion, you know, this is just human, like, you know, like moral, you know, ethical, you know, wrongs have been committed, but we still try to somehow, you know, we're just kind of, again, I feel like we've lost our side of all of this. And our children, unfortunately, are the biggest victims because they're following our lead, you know. So this is why I think I mentioned to you or possibly Sister Doha who was with us earlier that the disturbing thing about TikTok, because that's, you know, what we're focusing on is that a lot of times from what I've witnessed is that the teens, the Muslim teens that are on there, they are doing inappropriate stuff. I mean, I've seen a lot of highly inappropriate material from visibly Muslim teens, they're wearing hijabs, for example. Many young girls are posting pictures of boys that they say are cute or just referencing having, you know, crushes or perhaps more than that on certain boys and then they'll put images of those people up or boys doing the same thing. A lot of references about, you know, gender relations and flirting and boyfriends and girlfriends. And also I've seen just dancing and gyrating and just really, like I said, seductive performances. That alone is disturbing, but what's also disturbing, and this is where I think we need to really speak to the parents here, is when the parents are involved in the recordings, you know, you see them in the background, you see them participating, you see them giving license for their kids to do these things. This is to me a big, huge, huge problem because what is that? Is that you thinking you're trying to be your child's best friend, and that in that endeavor you forego the role of parent and the role of guide, the role of spiritual teacher, because to allow your child to, you know, like for example, I think I've mentioned it to you, one of the areas that really troubles me is when there's a mockery of religious practice. And one of our other teachers, you know, she highlighted that today. I'm so glad she did that in one of her posts, that was Zaynab, because she reminded me that I had seen those same posts of young Muslim teens in prayer outfits or standing up for prayer with parents in the skit. And the whole point of the skit is to make fun of the prayer, some component of the prayer. How is that acceptable? How have we lost our way to the point where we even allow our teens to now make a mockery of our religion and for likes? To what end? Right? To what end? For popularity? And we don't see the incredible danger of doing that because if they don't respect this tradition, and they don't respect the sanctity of this tradition, how should we expect them to hold on to it or have any value for it? If we're teaching them that it's okay to make a mockery out of it? Absolutely. It's really, I really hope that everybody feels the, you know, I think we don't, people might be asking, okay, well, what's your, what's your solution? And I really believe that it, you know, the solution starts by, as you said, a broken heart. And I think you said that your heart really breaks for these teenagers. I think that that's where, that's where all the solutions come from because the solutions are from Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala. They are from our Lord. Our Lord is watching everything. And Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala, he looks for that broken heart. This is what we know from our tradition that Allah is with the one whose heart is broken for his sake. And when your heart breaks for a teenager because they're losing their capacity to connect to Allah, then your heart is breaking for Allah's sake. And you know, so many people, when they've, if they've heard that, that, that, that teaching that Allah, Allah says that I am with the one whose heart is broken for my sake. Many people think it's just a personal thing, like, oh, you know, whatever, maybe you missed your prayer or something, or maybe you feel like you're not a good enough Muslim and your heart is breaking. But really what you, what you spoke about highlights for me a whole other meaning of that, of that teaching that it's, you know, your heart breaks for the sake of, of people because you love them for the sake of God. And I believe that anyone listening, that's what I would invite you to do is to really feel the pain. Like it's when I just listening to you, Sister Hosea, I feel like I just want to go and just cry in a corner. You know, it's, it's, it's a really devastating thing. There's no, there's no collected way really to talk about it. It's heartbreaking. It's devastating. It's, it's this whole system that is there. And Alhamdulillah, I mean, we have, we have our Lord and I believe that if anyone watching this would just take a moment tonight to really pray and to really beg Allah to guide people, to save youth from these things, Wallahi we would see big, big changes because this is what's missing. I believe from our Oma today is people who they have this prophetic concern and the Prophet. So I said, he cried for us. He cried for us for these very reasons for worried that our capacity to connect to Allah would, would, would be diminished and would be compromised. And so I would really encourage people to feel sadness about this as a starting place and to watch then how Allah unfolds for you opportunities to, to take the next step in that journey of being the change that you wish to see. And that could be that you become inspired, perhaps in these days to say, listen, I want to open a prayer circle for teens, the, the, the, let's say for the daughters of my friends. I'm just going to open up a zoom. We'll get on maybe twice a week and we'll read, we'll read like a little bit of the kit together. We'll just recite some things together. You know, you have no idea that could be, that could be a turning point for people. And I just want to mention this because, you know, you talked who said the Hussay about how people don't realize how high the stakes are. We don't realize that there are consequences to everything that we do or that we allow to happen. Right. If I'm a parent, I'm allowing certain things to happen and I kind of want to downplay that it will really, it's, maybe it's not that big a deal, et cetera. But I want to say that when we've got something like 20 days left to Ramadan, and we may be facing a Ramadan where we can't bring our families to the masjid, the stakes are high right now. The stakes are high because if we are developing habits that are all centered around our use of media, social media, then I don't think that we can hope for some kind of instant change the day that Ramadan comes. And it's very close right now. And normally in our, in our mosques and all around, we would be seeing lots of programs that are prepping people for Ramadan. You've got a certain feeling in the air. Right now that's no feeling like that. All the feeling is still about the whole epidemic or the whole pandemic. And before we know what Ramadan is going to be there and we'll, maybe I'm worried that certain habits will, will still be lingering in the air. And it, it is going to be upon each and every family to, to then deal with the consequences of this. So again, what I'm saying is pray, take a moment, if you care about this whole thing, to pray tonight. And then may Allah's plan a door open the door for you to do something like a prayer circle, which really for, if you could do it even every other day for the next 20 days, that could be everything to someone. And they could be like, you know what? I want that to continue in Ramadan. And who knows? Who knows? Great things could come of something like that. You know. Mashallah. I love everything you just said, because you spoke exactly to the truths of our Dean, which is, you know, in the Malamal ibn At, we have to start with the right intention, which is where that beautiful advice you gave about your heart really has to break, which requires us to know, right? We can't have fight or flight right now. You know, I know a lot of people are, they run when the problems and conflicts are brought up, they're very uncomfortable. They don't want to talk about these things because they want to live in this utopian world that everything's going to be fine. Everything, you know, I'm just going to either focus on right now, but I don't want to think about the possibility that God forbid my child may, you know, have this problem and have that problem. As someone who works with teens and parents, I can tell you right now that we, this is so important for us to focus on. I mean, I'll tell you, for example, I just recently finished a course at our local message on purification of the heart. Consistently for four weeks, every single, after every single class, there was a mom in the background waiting for me to finish. And they were different all four, all four times. I did seven sessions, but this happened four weeks in a row, where as soon as the class was over, the mom would come to me. Some of them were complete strangers. I'd never seen them before in my life. And they said, you know, I need your help, please. And all of a sudden it was tears and everything was just coming like an overflow, an ambush, like an avalanche of emotion. And what was the issue? My teen daughter, my teen son, they're into vaping, drugs, pornography, violence, being really just away from everything that we want for our children. And the consistent theme in all of them was, I did everything. I put them in XYZ school, in Sunday school, or they went to full Islamic school. One mother, SubhanAllah, she came to me and she was just really devastated. Her son, who was in a hips program, he completed his hips program. Can you imagine? Hips program is now telling her that he's doubting his faith. Why? Because if we're not vigilant as parents, and this is why, you know, is such an important hadith for everybody to know. The process in them is telling us, we are shepherds, right? We're responsible for our flock. What is a shepherd protecting their flock from? From the wolves that are out there. And yet we seem to think that because we're in the West and we live in the safest cities and we've, you know, live in gated communities and our children go to the top tier schools and they're, you know, taking all these wonderful programs and classes that they, there's no wolves. Where are the wolves? You know, oh, it's just, it's internet. Everybody's on the internet. It's not a big deal. There are wolves everywhere. There are shaltin literally around us all the time, trying to take us away from our Lord. We've been warned. This is Adu and Mubin. He will do everything and anything to destroy us spiritually. And if we're not vigilant for our children, and we don't give them the tools to protect themselves with, and then we, on top of that, turn a blind eye to the portal with which the wolves are coming in droves to attack them. What do we expect? Because this is a portal that, as you said, there's so much destruction in one image. And if we look at the process of the human brain, which is so powerful, right? Most addictions, or especially when it comes to pornography, right? Which is a huge problem in our world, right? There was a beautiful article that was recently posted. I don't have the reference offhand, but hopefully when this is done, maybe we can post it somewhere where this French, you know, I think he's a possibly a mental health person, but he just was so compelled to write this article. It's really speaking about the dangers of pornography that people just need to understand about the rewiring of the brain, how one image can lead to, again, this relenting, nagging feeling of wanting to basically get the next fix, right? Because there's a dopamine surge that happens when you're looking at something that's igniting that pleasure center in the brain. So if you look at it for a child, let's say a child who's 11, 12 years old, he or she are exposed to one image. Let's just say it's an image. It's an inappropriate image. Maybe it's a lady in a bikini or a man without a shirt on. That image is going to remember these are the beginning years of sexual desire. Before that, before adolescence, kids are so innocent, they don't look at any of the stuff with that thought. But the hormones are surging, their brains are being rewired. And now to see an image of a half-naked body is going to give them a sensation that they've never had before. And the brain, and of course, Shaytan is right there in their ear telling them, look again, look again. And then the next time, especially if they have access to a web browser, they know the words. By the time they're in junior high, trust me, if they go to a public school, even an Islamic school or just a schooling environment where kids are not really monitored all the time, for sure they're learning these things earlier than people think. And I have stories that would probably bring a lot of people to tears about young middle school students knowing way too much, way too early to the point where I was left stunned. And I've done enough of these coming-of-age talks with teens where I'm hardly shocked, but I was recently left shocked and stunned and disturbed on levels that I can't even express because I said this is too young. How could Muslim children already know these terms, right? So we are very naive if we think our kids have never done a search. I don't know the exact research behind it, but that three-letter word especially is the most commonly googled search at all times, pretty much. So when you think a child who for the first time has a phone and it has a browser and he has unlimited data, isn't going to do those searches. And trust me, they know how to fool U.S. parents because there are like online forums and so many shared things between teens about how to get rid of clearing cash, how to get rid of your history, how to, people don't even know, for example, what a vault app is. We should know what a vault app is. They're apps that look like a calculator or calendar or some innocent little thing, but it's actually a portal into another dimension that allows them to share videos, share pictures and a parent would have no clue because there's thousands of developers that cater to this demographic. Why? These are the future consumers. They want them to get addicted. Why not? Why not have a 12, 13 year old boy who can't help himself? We had, you know, recently again, we did a, we did a, you know, a talk with teens. Boys, they knew the website Pornhub, which is one of the most atrocious things in existence. And he knew it. So you think that kid who's already addicted to 12 years old to this website that has an, I don't even know if you can even, you know, count, right? How many pornographic images and videos that they host. It's just endless. But you don't think he's going to be a lifelong consumer for sure. You start him at 12, forget it. He'll have dysfunction and problems his whole life likely. He will have, and I've, I've actually encountered that. I've had parents call me and say, my child is gone. The child that I knew and raised up until 14, 15, he's gone. He's now like a zombie. He's lost all like emotion. He's completely just a different person because all he wants to do is spend his entire day in the bedroom. Yeah. So we're just, we need to not turn away from this. And I know it's uncomfortable. We had a question actually that was brought up saying that parents are uncomfortable speaking about these topics. I, I understand that. And as someone who's a teacher and who does these talks, I understand a hundred percent that these are uncomfortable conversations for every parent to have. And I don't think you should have it if you're uncomfortable. What you can do is outsource because it's imperative that you find the mentors in your community, the teachers, right? We have like, masha'Allah, here we have Anse Chehanaz who's an invaluable resource for those of you who are in the Senate collective community and, you know, people like her or people who've trained under her, who understand the spiritual, you know, the way that we have to, you know, frame these conversations that you, you hand it off to someone like her or someone trained maybe in again, this area who says, you know what, I will have, you know, I do enough youth work. I understand youth. I can, I can do this for you, but you need to start early. Don't please don't wait. Because I think my, the thing that breaks my heart is when I get those, you know, it's kind of like emergency services, you know, someone's coming and it's like everything's kind of already so beyond not repair. I never want to say that. I never want anybody to get that idea that it's beyond repair. Yeah, we're not a dean of despair. We don't believe in that anything is possible with Allah. But it's more that it's so critical and it's gotten to a point where it's so difficult that that's when parents seek help, please don't do that. Don't let, you know, your fear, your shyness, you know, blame or the modesty. This is a disease of the heart and, you know, we should look into that, but don't let that modesty of, oh, what will people say? What will people think about me and my family prevent you from seeking the help for your child? If you think there's a problem, if you're already seeing battles over video games and, you know, phone at 10, 11, and I've had, I've had parents say they, my kids are throwing tantrums and I don't know what to do. And then they feel that the best thing to do is just give in, but that's actually the worst thing to do. And, you know, I could go on and on about, you know, how that, why that is. But my point is, is please don't wait until it gets so dangerous that now you're really panicking because that's what the experience is. I've had too many parents have come up to me in that state. I would rather we put our thinking caps on, be very, very vigilant and say, first of all, I'm not going to give devices. And I, I, I, I know I'm at a point where I just say that, please. I mean, I beg you for the sake of our Alma, for the sake of our future, for the sake of the beautiful, pure hearts of Fitra that our children have to please not give your children devices until late into their adolescent years, if they really, really need it. When they've already done all the emotional intelligence work, hopefully with a qualified teacher spiritual guide, who can really help them understand that if they don't practice self-regulation, they are handing their future in every which way, professionally, politically, relationship-wise, and the most importantly spiritually, to the hand, to something that will control them. And that's the danger of this. This, these, you know, and that's a dangerous danger of addiction in general, which is why I think we should be having conversations and, you know, really normalizing the term addiction, because really what it, what it means is, or what it, what it explains is the weakness that we are created. You know, this is Allah's plan that has told us, right, that he's made us weak. So we should be very open about that, that we're all weak and we need strength. And if you don't understand how human nature works, then you're, you're going to, you know, like, like many before, unfortunately fall, may Allah protect us from that, inshallah. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, I, what you're saying is so profound and it's so on point. And yes, Allah swt says that he created the human being, you know, in a state of weakness, or having this weak side to us. Yes. And I think that, you know, it's, it's important to acknowledge that. And I think that that's, that's exactly why I hate Netflix. And I'm going to say that I really hate it because I, what I feel as you're saying, just like those magazines that are placed at the eye level of a child, I mean, this is, this isn't a talk. This is a, an awareness of people's weakness and a manipulation and taking advantage of people. And as a human being, there is nothing that is more, there's more angering to watch than to see my own fellow human beings being manipulated, being taken advantage of and being oppressed. This is exactly how you have to feel a kind of anger inside you, that how dare you take advantage of the weak points of human beings. And, you know, subhan Allah, how many students of mine have fallen into a week long Netflix binge because they had some difficult thing that happened in their life. And then there's Netflix for you available, easy, seemingly comforting. It's, it's makes me so angry from inside that how dare you try to replace God for people. You know, I mean, I've, we've all been through things that are hard in our lives. And I remember I'm, I'm from a time when there was none of that available. Had it been available, that would be me. That's why I'm so, that's why I, I dislike those things so much because I know that's, I'm looking at myself when I look at people who are stuck in those bad habits. But I'm just, I just got lucky that I, it wasn't there for me when I was young. And so I remember when I was 16, I could drive. And I remember whenever I would be really upset about something, I would take the car, I would tell my parents, I want to take the car. And I would go and I would drive 20 minutes to the mosque. And I would just sit there and cry it out. I mean, I, I don't want that to be an experience that's no longer had by 16 year olds. Why don't they get to have that? I mean, that was life shaping for me, as you're saying, you know, this, you don't give away your power. That's a power. That's a memory that I can always go back to and say, Oh, that's how, that's how it's done. And I'm worried that people, you know, when you have addictions and get born, my dad, Dr. Gilmore, my dad talks about this, that what is an addiction? It's, it's a lack of connection. You go to it because you want some kind of comfort. And that's where that's actually where it's all coming from. Of course, there is, but it's a manipulation of the need, the weakness that we have, which is supposed to be something we bring to God. Yes, I'm weak. And that's why I need you, God. I'm so weak. I can't handle this situation. And please, you are the strong and I'm the weak. And it's this thing is coming between us and God. And that's why it has to be something that makes our hearts break on the one hand, but also makes our blood boil so that we can do something about it and that we can feel, you know, how dare you, how dare you come between the human being and their Lord, you have no right to do that. When somebody is sad, that's a holy sadness. And it has to be taken to God, not taken and numbed by Netflix or alcohol or whatever, or pornography, as you're saying. So there has to be, I think, that, that attitude. And I think Muslims are very good at being angry about oppression and injustice. And we need to see this as the ultimate injustice, the abuse of the human soul and their, and, and, and, and forcing people basically into sin. This is something that we have to be more upset about than any other catastrophe or war or political injustice that we see in the world. This has to really galvanize us. I agree 100%. And this is what is meant by right Khutwa to shaitan, because it's incremental, their footsteps. He's literally leading us down the rabbit's hole to basically, you know, fall short of everything, right? But it's not, so it's subtle. Because as we said, you know, we know, after the most part Muslims, you give them alcohol, Haram, right? You give them pork, Haram, you give them certain things, Haram. But what is it about this, you know, device or these devices that we suddenly start blurring, you know, the lines of what's Haram and Halal. And it's because shaitan, as you said, is exploiting our weaknesses. And this is why it's so important to study the diseases of the heart, to study Imam al-Ghazali's incredible work, alchemy of happiness, for example, or purification of the heart, where he goes into the diseases, right, the, the appetites that we are, we have that Allah has given us and the dangers of, of not regulating those appetites because they're all connected, right? And this is why, you know, even now I've done quite a few lives. And one of the things I've seen in conversations throughout is people are so in an indulgent state, because like you said, it's like we're self medicating, right? We're, we're in a state of despair. There's uncertainty all around us. We're afraid for our families, our loved ones, ourselves. And instead of taking, like you said, our hearts to our Lord, who's the only one who can change our circumstance, literally, and we know this, we are, instead of doing that, instead of making the most of this incredible windfall of time we've been given spiritual, you know, time that we've been given to actually lean on him and to get strength from him, people are again defaulting to what is normal and what's normal in our cultures and our societies is to self medicate, to run from our problems through indulging ourselves with, as you said, food, and I'm sorry, you know, a diet of binging on television or film, music, which are all of it is just so toxic. I mean, have we even paid attention to the lyrics? I've been to places where I'm, you know, there's music playing and the lyrics are so troubling that this is what is popular music now. It's horrible, horrendous. But you'll see, you know, young Muslim kids jamming away as if it's nothing, you know. We don't realize that all of that leaves an imprint on the spiritual heart that when we're, you know, consuming that kind of toxic stuff that it's going to affect us and, you know, darken the heart that we've been given, of course it does. And the more and more, the heart darkens, then it, you know, just like when you see those images of people usually, you know, indulging in something wrong and inappropriate, they're always in these little dark spaces, right? The bedroom or the bathroom and everything's dark because that's what Shaitan wants. He wants you to be in that dark state inwardly and outwardly so that you're hiding in your shame and in your, you know, whatever you're caught up in. And as long as he has his hooks in you that way, then you don't come into the light. You don't stand for prayer. You've, you miss your, your fudger because all night long you were watching XYZ or during the day you're just gorging on food all day long. But as I said, you're too lazy and lethargic to maybe pray some extra sunnah or, you know, do some Tasbih or read some Quran because what happens with the body when we feed it too much? It feels heavy. So people don't make the correlation. This is why our scholars are brilliant. Like I have these books, subhanAllah, people, I think these are so powerful. I'm sure, I don't know if you, I'm sure you've seen these, right? These are the Imam al-Azadi little chapter books. But like, you know, look, on the treatment of the lust of the stomach and the sexual organs, what would we, how much benefit could, this book is a incredible resource in these few pages. There's so many gems that give you an inside view in how weak we are in terms of our appetites. But then we have, you know, the harms of the tongue. I have pride and conceded. You know, we have power and control. Why are we studying these with our children? Why are we having honest conversations with our teens that say, listen, you know what, I was like you once. I know how it is. I empathize with you. And I understand that you are in a totally different world. Like you said, we're, I'm sure likely from the same generation, I'm probably older than you. But, but, you know, we were in a time where we didn't have this attack, visual attack of imagery, right, at every point of our day. We were actually able to exist in a relatively, you know, normal, you know, environment and not have to constantly cover our eyes all the time. Whereas now you could be on, and I've seen it, you know, I'll tell you a story just to show you how demonic these forces are. This was the point where I, and it was probably last year, where I truly was like, I'll give it a try. You know, we just seek refuge with Allah. But I was doing a search for the ayah, hold on to the rope of Allah. And I did a Google image search because I was looking for a really beautiful image of Arabic calligraphy with this ayah. My heart, and I don't want to get emotional right now, but it to me was like, this is what we're up against. This, in a search for a verse of the Quran, I was looking through the scroll and at the bottom, these demons had a pornographic image of a woman in tied up in ropes. Just because I did a Google search of rope, do you see how, and I have all the safety features on my, you know, browsers. So I was like, how did, how did this come onto my browser? She is, it was like from a film possibly, I don't know what it was. I didn't even look, I just saw it and I was like, oh my God, this kind came up on a Google search for an ayah of Allah swt. This is why we cannot be naive as parents and think that our kids will be fine because all their friends have it and what have you. No, it's too dangerous. Let them grow up in innocence and keep their fitra as long as possible. Even if they're, it doesn't matter. If they are 15 and 16 and don't know really much about anything, it's okay. You know, I don't know why parents feel they need to rush their children into adulthood. They're going to have decades of responsibility and, you know, all of these problems to deal with. They're inheriting a very toxic world that we've left them. Can we let them enjoy their childhood? Please, like let them enjoy the innocence of daydreaming about unicorns and butterflies. Why do they need to see, you know, this just toxic world that invites curiosity that is untameable? And that's the danger is that we, I think we've just lost sight of the way that, you know, this, that who's behind all of this? How do they, why do they do what they do? And the fact that our children deserve, you know, for us to protect them and not to just turn away because we're too distracted with our world and our problems and it's a nice babysitter. You know, it's okay. I just go play on your video or your iPad. You know, while I take this phone call or while I cook dinner, no, no, and no, please give them something more useful because that one 20, 30 minute interaction could be the beginning of a really, really dangerous thing for your family. May I always find that protective? And again, I feel bad because I don't want people to leave feeling helpless and just miserable from this conversation. But I do think it's important, as Anzeh Shahnaz mentioned, that we bring this out and talk about it openly because the naivete is really the problem. You know, is that there's a, and there's, you know, and I know parents, of course, we all love our children. We want nothing but the best for them. So this is no blaming and shaming. It's just rather I think we sometimes, we're just not aware that the demonic forces are so strong. They're everywhere and they're gunning for our children. You know, I may not love protect them, but we have to be vigilant. I mean, there's a question here. So let's say about some successful strategies and I would say either you can, let's take the question or maybe we do a follow-up session. I'll put that to you. I would be honored to do anything with you. This was such an honor to just meet you and see you for the first time. So I'm just letting you know I'm at your service. You let me know what you want from me and I will do anything. It's my honor. I think that you have, I mean, you're a wealth of resources and I would love actually to do a whole session. You know, you don't need me on it actually, but I think it would be great for all of us to hear what are the strategies as the sister is asking, what are the techniques you use and also what are some resources that people could read about? Like they could use, you mentioned the article about the effects of pornography. There are all kinds of things that we can equip ourselves with. I think we really hear your call to get involved and stop turning a blind eye. So there are a lot of things that we need to equip ourselves with as adults at this point, including this art that I heard you referring to and you didn't go further. But I would love to see you talk about holding your ground when your child is insisting that everybody else has that. And you know, I see so many parents and I sympathize with them. They're tired and they've got stuff to do and they don't have the, you know, the bandwidth as they say to tolerate a big tantrum or if it's a teen to tolerate a week of your teen being rude to you and passive-aggressive because you didn't let them do something or didn't let them access some platform or something. I think it would be so helpful if you could give a talk about that and just empower adults to feel okay about their children being displeased with them because I think the tables have unfortunately really turned where we are worried about are our children happy with us. And that was never the case. The Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Allah is asking us, make sure your parents are pleased with you. You're al-ridaw al-wadi day, not al-ridaw al-ulad. And it's completely flipped. I see almost all the parents of my generation are just worried about, oh, but my child will be so upset if I do that. Oh, my child, I want my child to be happy. And what is happiness, first of all, and so many questions there. So I'm just putting this to you that perhaps we can have another online session. And I would love, I really would, I would be so honored to do, as I said, anything with you at all. And especially on this topic, as you, as I explained to you, I'm very, very passionate about certain topics, anything related to protecting children, excuse me, or teens from all of these pitfalls and dangers, and, you know, just traps of sheath on to help fortify them spiritually. I'm always on board for it's a bulk of what I do in terms of my work with youth. So I love doing that parenting advice and, you know, really talking about effective tools and strategies, I'm happy to do all of that, as well as really giving people the toolkits, like, like emotional intelligence, which I referred to earlier, because that is, to me, a real starting ground. If you want to really get ahead, especially for parents with small children, because sometimes people think these conversations have to be had later, but no, you start the planting, you know, and the tilling of the soil early, and then you plant the seeds, you know, when the soil is right, but you don't just, you know, wait, neglect the soil and then start planting when it's dry, and, you know, you don't do that. And I think that's where, you know, getting ahead of the conversation, becoming very well versed in child development and understanding children's brains, how they function, understanding what tailored parenting is, which is, I've done parenting workshops specifically about tailoring parenting, because I think this one size fits all model is also very dangerous, because it's convenient. It's easy. I just have general rules for all four or five kids in the house. Everybody has to follow it. You know, we kind of just, you know, basically like a drill sergeant, you know, everybody falls in line, and that's how the house is run. This is not effective. The prophesies said, which is why I love emotional intelligence, because a whole component of emotional intelligence is empathy. There is no human being who is more empathic ever than the prophesies said. He was empathic as an infant. People forget as a nursing infant, he did not drink milk until his milk brother was full. What does that teach us about the value of empathy? So if we don't look at our children as individuals, and we just think of them as little minions that just run our errands for us, and that's all we see in them. And we, you know, speak down to them and not honor them. And you know, someone said to me something that was so beautiful. They said, we forget that these, that children are, you know, their souls are eternal and they're, that's still inside of that child, you know, the soul alone. And, you know, so why do we treat them like they're just these, you know, little, you know, unintelligent, you know, they don't get it. And you see people speak that way, whether they do it in that diminishing very insulting sort of tone, or they do it in the, oh, you know, I'll explain it to you later. It's the same thing. Stop, because your children deserve to know the truth in portions that are appropriate. You do it correctly, but you don't lie to your children. You don't, you know, I think people just resort to, I mean, anyway, I'm sorry, I could go on and I'm going to stop because I kind of get carried away emotionally. But as I said, I'm honored to do anything with you. You let me know date and time. I will make myself available for you. You're very busy. You have so much to do. So just let me fit into your schedule. But I would be honored truly. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. So thank you. I think we've got a message that some of the parents are expressing a lot of guilt and helplessness. I would say to you, what I would say to you is I think that guilt is maybe, and I'll just end with this and then say you can take it from there. But guilt is an emotion I think that paralyzes us. Whereas shame and regrets and remorse are very important things, especially if what you mean by guilt is a sense of regrets that I wish I had been aware of this earlier. I wish I had done better because regret is the very essence of Tova. The Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Tova is regret. It's what it is. We can't try to avoid the discomfort of that feeling. That feeling is what brings us again to the door of God. And I think it's okay to sit in that place for a little bit and say, you know, what am I doing? And out of that grows so much, so much determination. At the beginning, it feels like you're just thrown to the ground, right? When you first feel that feeling like, oh my God, I've been letting my kids use these devices or oh my God, I've been so involved in my own life that I haven't realized that I have a lot of responsibility. I get it. But when you're thrown to the ground, reach for God, it'll come. Don't try to rush past that. Because again, it's like that broken heart. Allah sees that Allah is with you. And when you let yourself as uncomfortable as that feeling is, when you let yourself be washed by that, you find that the next day, you're full of determination to go at it and make changes. And so it's okay to feel that way. And it's not something I want to comfort you out of because I think that we are in a very we're in a very dangerous position. If we don't feel that way, then there's something wrong with us. So feel that way and feel like, oh my God, what are we going to do? We're in the middle of the situation. I've already got kids who are 13 and I don't know what's going on with them. This may not cry out to God in that situation and helplessness. Again, yeah, we're all helpless. We are. We're unbelievably helpless. We don't acknowledge it. We are so helpless. Allah is our only help. We call, we say, yeah, Allah, yeah, that it can hardly keep. This is something that we see that the people who are close to Allah, they have this beautiful way of talking to Allah that that, you know, shows us whole dimensions that we didn't even understand that could be possible in a relationship with Allah. And it's one of the things that our pious predecessors say is they refer to God as Yaddaq al-Halikin, oh, you who saves the people who are destroyed. Who are they referring to? They're talking about Halikin over there. They mean themselves. Allah, and I mean, Halikin, you're the one who can save me. I'm destroyed, if not for you. I see myself right now. I'm heading towards destruction. Yallah, grab me and save me. And I let us do that in these days. This is Shaban. This is a month. We're right before Ramadan. Let us have some nights that are like that. Let us have some tears that are like that. And, you know, upon Allah, they say about April, what do they say April showers bring May flowers? Well, Shaban showers bring Ramadan flowers. Let yourself cry those tears. You will see beauty come. So that's what I would say to you that we should feel that way right now. I feel that way. I feel that way. I don't have children. And I feel, yallah, yallah, if you don't help us, what are we going to do? You know, and yes, I want to say to give us the strategies and I know that they're going to help, but I want to stop here because I want us to take that time to really beg Allah. We have a tendency in our in our day and age to jump to the solution. Hmm. Everything is about that, you know, and it's also part of our as the culture that's been created for us by online, because back in the day, if I had to figure out how to take a stain out of something, if I had to figure out anything, I couldn't just go online. Now I can go online for anything at all and find that solution. Even for mental health problems, you can diagnose yourself, you can diagnose your partner, you can decide that your mother is a narcissist based on a checklist. I mean, everything is just, let's get to it. Let's get to it. Whereas there's no space given to, oh, okay, this is a situation. Let me ask Allah for help. I don't know what the solution is. I don't actually know. I'm not sure. All I know is I got a problem and that Allah sees me and Allah can help me. So beautiful. I mean, I'm saying, I really don't have much to add to that. It was beautifully put and I agree with everything. I don't want anybody to walk away feeling in despair. Despair is the station of shaitan. We are not an oma of despair. We always have hope. All those parts that I can do anything. And that's why we have stories like, you know, Prophet Yunus, what did he do when he was in the belly of the whale, right, trapped in darkness, but immediately he recognized, you know, his mistake and he turned to Allah and Allah freed him. He gave him, he answered his da'a. So the power of da'a cannot be overestimated. The power of reconnecting with Allah swt. And like you said, the healing oftentimes is in the process. So allow yourselves to sit with these feelings for a little bit, to reflect on them. As you said, not to rush through the process and look for quick, you know, fixes. This is not a quick fix situation. This is, I have to uproot the situation fix. And uprooting requires some thoughts, some planning, some work. And inshallah, in future, you know, conversations with our beloved Anse, we will be able to give you more solutions. And hopefully we could do that soon. I, as I said, I will make myself available to you because I want to give people some hope and not, you know, oh, I'm going to be left, you know, to myself with all these thoughts for weeks on end. No, I'm making myself available really within the next few days, week, however long you need Anse. Just let me know. And we can do a part two right away that really is more solution oriented. And that way, everybody who's been with us, may Allah bless all of you, may Allah bless your children, your home. Don't lose hope. Everything, inshallah, we can turn things around and we can give you the tools that you need to really start creating the homes of balance that we should all wish for. And at the center of that is everything that Anse's been talking about, which is our connection to Allah, because if we don't start there, and we try to read this book or that book or follow this, it's going to fall apart. We have to realign ourselves with him first and foremost. And then from there, we can grow, inshallah. So, I'm sorry, I realize I have to pray asir. So, I need to leave. I hate to rush it, but I'm so grateful to you and I want to say to everyone, Bismillah, let's aim for, I'm good for Tuesday if you want to do Tuesday. We're going to ask everyone who's watching this, make sure you round up your friends so that we have an even bigger community of people who are praying about this and inshallah aware. And, you know, we'll call it an awareness campaign. Bismillah, why not? And so bring all your parent friends, your teacher friends and let's inshallah gather with a beautiful intention. Tuesday we'll get out the information to you as soon as we can. And let's do this inshallah by the help and the power of our Lord inshallah. Can you end the aad so that we can part, inshallah, with your barakah? With your barakah, barakah, we ask that you will guide everyone who is listening to this. We ask that you would guide all our teachers and all those who are striving to benefit the ummah, to benefit all of humanity with goodness, with pathways to come back to you, Ya Allah. Ya Allah, we ask that you would increase the brokenness of our hearts towards you, Ya Allah. For you have said that you are with every broken heart that is broken for your sake, Ya Allah. We ask that you would grant us that holy station of having a heart that's broken for your sake. For that is a station that you showed us your Prophet, Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Ya Allah, we ask that we would remain in that place of caring deeply for the well-being not only of our own children, but of the children of all of humanity. Whether it is badr or brad, whoever it is who's lost in a sea of filth, Ya Rabbi, we ask that we would beg you on this night to liberate them from the chains of that darkness, Ya Allah. We know that you are the one who hears prayers, Ya Allah. Ya Allah, we ask that we would dedicate the best of our prayers to praying for all of humanity and especially the children and the youth to be liberated from the chains that are holding them, Ya Allah, away from you, Ya Allah, and we trust you and we know that you are the one who is near and you are the one who hears. The honor of the Prophet, Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his family, Al Fatiha. Surat al-Ladheena, An'amta al-Alayhim, Ghayran Magdoubi al-Alayhim, Waladda al-Alayhim. Ameen. May Allah bless you. Jazakum, Allah is the Greatest, inshaAllah.