 Hello there, and welcome to Bird News. Hello and welcome to Bird News, the only news channel for birds, boy birds. My name is Derek McBird and today we're going to be going over all the latest in bird headlines and culture. Tune in. First of all, we have some intriguing developments regarding the seagull vs. seagull situation. Just weeks into their civil war, it seems that while half the seagulls maintain that the disregarding ham and cheese sandwich left on Henry's sheet was the rightful property of their people, a spokesperson for the other seagull community responded with the controversial statement and like, well, we managed to catch up with Martin McBeak to see what he had to say about the recent conflicts. The seagulls, yeah? A lot of freaks, honestly, so there I am right one day, you know, I see a samba on the ground, me on the board that looks like a samba, so I go down and I think of myself, class, there's lunch, there's soup on there, before we even get there, seagulls just jumps in, scuffs up the samba, ruins my 12 o'clock lunch, like, honestly, how am I supposed to coexist with the seagulls when they won't even share a fucking samba? It truly is an extremely sensitive situation and one that is constantly evolving. We'll keep you informed as the updates come in. There's an orido, look at that. On a lighter note in pigeon news, a local pigeon has become the first ever bird to become a fully-loistened sluice driver. Harold O'Fetter first discovered his passion for the railway when he was caught in the wheel of a northbound commuter train in Connolly Station. O'Fetter claims he was munching on a piece of bread on a track of Connolly Station when his eyes were first opened to the magic of the railway. We caught up with Harold O'Fetter in an over-the-phone interview to see what he had to say. Insightful words from an inspiring young bird. We go now to Skippy O'Wing to find out about the weather reports for the coming days as it pertains to birds. Over to you, Skippy. Thank you for that, Derek. That's right, we've got some fascinating weather patterns with rainy spells all over the mid and west of the country. And you know what that means, Bites? Tasty fucking worms. Worms are going to be invading the fucking spot. So whatever you do, grab the lads and head over to the nearest patch of land, nearest patch of grass, whatever you've got in the country, and have some worms. Because I tell you now, they'll be shakin' a good while and they'll be fuckin' a tasty lad. Meanwhile, in Dublin City, the big schmock, Friday night is quickly approaching and you know what that means, birds? Loads of dirty owl half-eaten takeaways. The ossified and intoxicated socialites of Dublin will be invading the takeaways in fast-food places for other burgers, their pizzas, their three-in-ones and maybe even spice bags. So head on down to Westmoreland Street or O'Connor Street, probably not Parnell, and get some of those half-eaten cuisines because they are beautiful. You'll find them on the beans, the streets. You might find them in an evening alley, you don't know. But good Lord, it's gonna be a treat. Thanks for that, Skippy. In sports news, a local bird has broken world records across the board for the longest amount of time it spends standing on an electricity wire. Mr. Squawk here, I believe we have footage, has been standing on this electricity wire for over two years at this point and it truly is a testament to what you can do when you put your mind to something. It truly is incredible. Oh my God, what? What? Oh my God, we are getting word of a current story that is transpiring as we speak. As we speak, I say, what is this? Urgent reports from Steven's Green that there is... Oh my God. Oh my... There is currently a chicken fillet roll that has been dropped and disregarded. Dropped and disregarded, I say. And this is breaking news. We birds from all over the country are going to try and get a peck at that bad boy. We have our emergency correspondent, Robin McRedrest, on the scene. Robin, what can you tell us about the situation? Thank you for that, Derek. I want to remind our viewers at home that while me and Derek may look similar, we are very different characters. So here I am in Steven's Green where reports are coming in, that the chicken fillet roll is somewhere inside. The area is a very tense situation right now as birds from all over the city are on their way here to try and get a beak in. I've been told the bird police are thinking of shutting down the entire area as to prevent a ride. So the main objective right now is to go through and try and get a look at this chicken fillet roll before it is gone. Let's go. There are lots of seagulls in the area I've been told, which is very dangerous due to the current civil war transpiring. We're going to have to keep going through, try and get a look at this chicken fillet roll before it's too late. Okay. I'm using my bird's sense of smell to try and pick up on the chicken in the air. Ah! And as we're here in Steven's Green, I am receiving reports that there are some crumbs on the ground. And these are not just crumbs that you could peck. Robin, can you hear me? Robin? Well, that's been bird news. Thanks very much for joining us. Be sure to follow us on all of our social media, especially Twitter. Get it? Because we're birds. Um, I have been Derek the bird from all of us here in the studio. Have a good evening.