 If you wanted me to get off my face, you should've just asked me casual. I don't need drugs to make me do the robot like I'm part mechanical. Just get me sugar in me and my dancing's magical. I'm a pinata. That's a party animal. Hey, what's good? Don't flop all fucking day. You know the slogan, hashtag D-F-A-M-D. Here, I saw it on the Twitter and the Facebook. We've reached the second and final a cappella main event of the evening. We are here at South 89 in Redding, South England. Please make some fucking noise for me one time. The international clash on the card tonight is getting straight into the battle. MC on my right-hand side smashed this battle with Pedro last time at the first Redding event of the year here for battle number two, my man Crisis. Make some noise. Let's go. Double-flop veterans here in the game from Philly, USA. My man Uno Lavos. Make some noise. I see both these guys back on the cards in November in four months time. Double-flop 8th birthday weekend is coming in Leeds. Make sure you check that both gonna be on the card, but right now they're facing each other. Uno won the flip. He chose Crisis to go first. We've got three rounds on the cards. Whenever Crisis won, it's round of a one. What else? Yo! Yo! So, Er told me I've got Uno. And I thought, are you actually kidding me? Then I thought, cool. I'll get to embark upon a little international killing spree because all these punches are landmarking. I know I've got the rapping ability to get you torched up with your crown rock like the Statue of Liberty because I can't lie. You're shit. I wish I never had to clash you because you need an extra bag of banter to try and test this rapping standard because your career's been breaking bad. And I'm a better battle rapper because my name rings bells when I talk to him like Hector Salamanca. So, beating me today. I'm clapping. Beating me today. Please behave if I don't go gassing. It's my hometown. I've got the whole crowd in my postcode backing. You've done about 100 battles. I do! And you still don't show no passion. That's why I'm driven to break down the ball between us like an old Volkswagen. So you can hold those cannons and have a polko clapping. Our throat blows at him. Get his whole dome in his skull bone shack. Fuck that! You can clutch the heat. I've got to startin' up the sleeve like go-go gadget to get you doffed up from one tap like you almost have another camera's on in the photo. It's flashing. I bet you wish it was promo clashing because now you can cash down. You'll blend them into the background like a Komodo dragon. It's like Lord of the Rings. It's like Lord of the Rings. It's like Lord of the Rings. A manna getting sour on me, talkin' like I want tall taggin' but win or lose, there's battles my chance to get through. More doors like Frodo Baggins. So, bro, let's have it. Talkin' like you're gonna let that chrome spark. But if you had a gun, it'd be an eagle because your rounds are to the low part. But it's my opportunity to go places. If I don't take it, then it won't last. It's England goalies. You know I've been forced to show heart. But fuck that. But fuck that. I'm gonna switch the scheme because heart don't always win my G because heart can't save you when all these eyes land on you like England's team. So, you're gonna realise jumping on this car was the wrong choice because I'm known to scorch a wrapper for acting like Komodo in Top Boy. And your name in Spanish means one voice. And that's getting you Boyd Fam because when I found out, I honestly thought you was part of a Mexican boy band. But to be honest, mate, Speedy Gonzales should have been your proper name because you're animated. Mexican and your career progressions been underlay. So, stop it, mate. Fucking like our guys won't shoot if you want to drag on, you'll make sparks like Andrew likes 5-0-2. Brother, get with the slimes. You can't mirror me because my style's so smooth so this evening's standard. When I son him, they'll say that this guy's old news. So, talk about getting a strap and a barretta to clap because this is England. And if you can't get in a scrap and the beef's set up with hands and you can't get my respect as a man plus a kid from Reading, where we'll kick your head in and stomp your head till it's flat so all you'll see is Stan Smith sitting square in his jaw like he watched American dad and that's mine. If this did it, you spit. I mean, you almost remind me of wine. Now that bar you said about... Chill, chill, chill. Now that bar you said about... I don't know, but Chiron said it against John John the Don. I forgot. I said, yo, to be honest, I want to speak about something. Me versus Pedro was a fuck up. And I really ain't thugged that. See, I ain't the one to promote violence because I feel I'm above that. But you lost to O'Shea, barely beat Pedro through all of his fuck raps. So you're just like Pedro. You don't for punches until a nigga in front of you that's willing to punch bats. You got it. You right. I said, what? Crisis. Crisis. This is a crisis. Nigga war. Okay? I said, for real? But I took this battle, so it don't matter. So get ready to die, cousin. I said, these guns couldn't aim me at your airhead and they spent in about a dozen. I said, it's about to be Thanksgiving and I'm about to make stuffing. So this round, Orlando shooting because Urg gave this faggot a shot and you won't survive from it. Wait, I ain't, we see that? That's the American thing. I got it. You got it. I'm doing it anyway. So get ready to die from it. I said, you could be in front of these hollows and you won't survive, nigga. That's your button. I said, these new rappers getting old. Nigga, that's Benjamin Button. I said, I'll be aiming at your shirt. I knock off all this button. I'll be aiming at his egghead if he tries to go with button. I said, bro, is this what you try and get like crisis? Ain't nobody in the hood trying to spit like crisis bullets or go through your 20s and fuck up your whole mid-life crisis. I said, your mom's got a plumber's butt. After this battle... Your mom's got a plumber's butt. After this battle, chocks the rapper. Why? Because he white? Nah, because he fucking sucks. I said, sucks. I said, crisis. I run up on him and brought daylight with an ice pick. Motorboat your mom's booby because I really do like tits. About to get him. I said, my mind's sick. This is 9-6. Run up on him. Nice trip. You want to know what I'm talking about? I don't know. But in his voice, man, it really sounds sick. I said, for real, you're really fucking wack. Fuck crisis. Your name should be Danny Jack. I said, now I got to sit here and stand through all this bullshit. Like, yo, that has been said. I said, now, if he tried to accuse me as a raper, I'll fuck around and splatter his head. I don't give a fuck about none of these rappers. I'm leaving them dead. Try to make me sound like I ain't big name. Nigga, I'm the reason why all these rappers going to watch these same battles more than twice like a smack battle event. Time. Yeah. I can beat you with jokes. Oh, it bars. It don't matter to me. Man, it's all the same. You're a cocky cunt that performs on stage, so I'm popping up just to torch your name. If you want it, bruv, I'll clock your mug with a rocky punch to distort your brain. Thing to do this hard till I mute the starlight. Donald Trump on the walk of fame. And speaking of Donald Trump, my man is not a supporter because he's Mexican. So if you're elected, then he'll probably deport you. But just, just catch a few planes to the UK instead of crossing the border. You could easily get a job as a lookalike for Bobbys and more. Who you want to put money down? I thought it was some sort of a bad joke because it's funny, bruv. You're putting money up and now it's fucking up your cash flow. But fuck it. I certainly won't lose. And I should have told you that you're mad, bruv, but fuck it. If he wants to gamble on the bet fair, I'm leaving this lad, bruv. But fuck it. He's come overseas for a battle just to get beat on a channel. But 250 pounds, that don't even cover your fee for the travel. Can stand there claiming you're a G and keep on repeating that angle. But what kind of G can't even afford to put up half a G for a battle? But I'll put up a backtrack. Because lately my man's been taking losses. You battled for a grand in your last battle. Now you're battling me trying to make some profit. You lost that battle. You can't win today and try caking off it. Do you know what's actually funny? You battle for money and the host of the battle didn't stay to watch it. So make the honest. You ain't seen as nothing but a joke to them because they couldn't even bear to witness all stupid ass getting smoked again. Even though they slightly grabbed the judges because they didn't, you didn't battle Rome, my friend, because you know shoulder against Rome, bruv, and they was taking back where you owe to them. But I want to talk about your brock-up nose because I'm better placed to observe. It reminds me of that set piece against Greece. You know the one back in place with the swerve? So I'm not going to lie. That shit has got the most bended shape on the earth. It looks like it was Sammy's twins with your top lip and they got separated. Yeah! Boy, you alright? You should have been a sponsor for Peter Pan because that endorse- You fucking windy, bruv. You should have been a sponsor for Peter Pan because that endorsement would have got you paid because your nose looks like a hook and your punches never land when you're on the stage. But to be honest, mate, that nose probably benefits you in a lot of ways because that increased nostril shape, you could easily sniff a nose of Cain. But to be honest, if you want some yay, I've got you, mate. I'll get a tip-top prize. I want a fucking curved black construction where we get bricks on site which means... He gets pissed off and he gets ripped off and tries to swing one time which means, man, I try boxing like Anthony Joshua when he can't get that good deal on white. Hey! You got it? You got it? You right? Alright, round number two. Who knows? Let's do this. Don't flop. Let's go, bruv. Okay. I got a gun. Real talk. And the shit gonna go splat. Call me Bobby Samora. That's why I'm a go ham. Oh, that's too much. Too much. I got a question. Hold on. I got a question for you. Have to eat that shit. What's that shit on the set? I don't know. What's that shit on the side of your lip? Is it a dick? Is it a nipple? Turn around. That's shit. I know, but they want to see it too. Is it a tit? Is it the shit that's on the side of T-Rex, bitch? I said the herb. I'm a little bit upset. Why does everyone have a beat? They can melt. Hey, yo, DJ, give me a beat. Hey! No, stop. Shut the fuck up. I said don't do it for real. Hey! Feeling myself. I been feeling all the chrome. This is my belt. Are you spitting? That was so bad. That was terrible. Hold on. Let's go. I literally went through like 80 times. Okay. That's the shit on the side of T-Rex, bitch. I said, yo, herb! Why do people got a beat? They can melt. Fuck it. I want a beat. Yo, DJ, give me a beat. Do you have a scratch plate? Fuck the mic down. Hey! No! No, it doesn't want a beat. Hey, bro, give me my computer. Do you want a beat or what? Yo, the point is you don't have a beat. I don't want a fucking beat, bro. What's going on here? I don't want a beat, bro. They, right? They ain't got it. Shut the fuck up, man. Just shut the fuck up. Hey! Hey! He wants you to go between them and I can't stop. I don't want to. You can't get all ten seats. This man is fucking some man on the top of his cabinet. He brings a bottle. Fuck it, everyone. Fuck, he's a fucking fucker. What's your answer, you know? This is a classic. You're definitely going to get a hundred thousand. Alright, good job. You're right. Can you really not know what you're saying? Yeah, bro. You're gonna practice that, bro. Alright, cut. Take 37. Alright. Alright, fuck it, I make a beat for myself. I said I lately I've been on building my... They ain't got you, you ain't right. Alright, alright, enough of this shit. Alright, alright, alright. He's supposed to... Alright, alright. This round's ruined, courtesy of these fuckers. Is that right, guys? Hold on, hold on. Shout out to my son. Okay, alright, big grind. Shut up! This is it. You all right? You got it? That thing does that part. Alright, go to slide it. No. Reading shit. Going away for a bit, but I'm back. This Christ is dude is wack. When I start murking. Scared man five, I shave his back. Rude boy. I shave his back. Going to a nuclear war with a cat. Seriously, you want to fight these guys? Yo! Fight them! Fight them! I will get you. I don't know what you're fighting. I play Snake, oh man. Everyone, please, one more round each. Fight around, let's go. Yo, iron into all this petty shit. I'm trying to get the crowd pumped up today. Started gassing, it's automatic. Man, you'll see that I've got the crap. Let me start. Shut up! I'm trying to get the crowd pumped up. I'm trying to get the crowd pumped up today. Started gassing, it's automatic. Man, you'll see that I've got the crap that this bastard hasn't. Won't be hard to jack in this. Actual getting wheeled up when we started clashing. Even that or this hand-breaking. And I ain't got to palm and ratchet like a car mechanic. You're just an American Pedro. Another gun rapper that grips the metal. And you just pander to the crowd. When your stars won't over-use in that instrumental. Plus, before battles, you have a couple of drinks and jump in the ring and think you're special. But you're having a bubble thinking we're even. Come back, bruv. This is an Istanbul. So keep talking how you click-clap tools and have a big strap fall. And keep dropping your raps or your comedy acts and think that's cool. But I'll have you looking sheepish when I blow the house down like the big bad wolf. Cos you talk about slanging at yay and clapping at k. But your bars don't even make sense when you talk about the magic you spray. Which means you're like Kenny from South Park. Cos more time when you're batting on stage, you're talking hood. But no one even fucking understands what you say. Hey! Are you right, you guy? All your gun bars are bar sloppy. They're bad bodied. I don't own a gun. But I know some boys that'll blast with me if you start some of me which means they'll come masked up and quickly stab up like a large coffee. Your only option is to bounce before they shoot at like a half bolly. But I ain't even got to talk about holding a crone because I know, man, that'll get you glassed up like the holes in a toll. So fuck going over heads. I'm trying to get my punchlines all over the globe. I have man walking round trying to catch them all like Pokemon Go. But you like to get the crowd involved and I think that it's nice, G. But since you started off, it ain't been hard to clock the sneaky type of thieves. You battle Luna. I mean, all these fans start to kick to a rhyme scheme and half the crowd left with sore fingers like they ordered chips at a Chinese restaurant. It's just showbo and theatrics. You always act in a strange way which explains why you always do this shit when you think you're winning, when you're rapping on main stage but you can't expect me to take you seriously and stand back with a straight face when I can't tell if you're halfway stuck between doing a dab or a nae nae. That's your time. Let's go. Get the fuck off. All right. Go, go, go. Let's, uh... Love this battle. Talk to him, man. Shhh. Hold up! Crazy, crazy, crazy, crisis. Your mama booty the nicest. Hey! She be licking on my nuts and she's sucking my peepee. Watch the swallow, she's sucking my peepee. Watch the keep swallowing. She be licking on my nuts. Hey! Mama booty the nicest. That was supposed to be the last round. Listen. So let me ask you a question. You went from being fat as shit to now skinny as fuck. Clap it up. There were a lot of bumps on the side of your fucking neck. It looked like if you went into the ocean, this shit will make you float. Let me ask you a question. You got it. I knew he was going to do good in this battle. Because you're skinny because every time you eat something, you stick your finger at your throat. Yeah. Bitch, motherfucker. I don't care if you really think you're cool. Bitch, motherfucker. Eat a grape and be like, yo, nigga, I'm full. I'm full. Let us and think that a scrumptious. That it was. You're having a buffet. Tomatoes. Onions. You went from five foot. Nah, I saw a video, right? You was three hundred and seventy-five pounds. True story. Six foot two. This guy. Now he's skinny as shit and he only this wide. I said for real. This motherfucker is so skinny. How skinny is he? Oh my god. This was not the setting for this shit. I should have did this in real. Okay, this guy is so skinny. That is hot. He needs an extra bend. Motherfucker is so skinny that he didn't even let him swim because every time you take off his shirt, you see his extra skin on top of his extra skin and extra skin and extra skin. I don't, to be honest, bitch, I doubt you could read. Motherfucker going to Burger King right now. Ain't count all his calories. Treadmill. Jim. Jim. Are you right? All that shit. Went on the subway diet. Little kids. He fucked all them bitch. Because Jerry, somebody had sex with little kids and he was skinny as shit. To be honest, they fucked it up. I was actually prepared. After the first and second round, they fucked it up. You know what? Anyway, so your name is crisis. Your name is crisis. You got it, you're right. I haven't cried since a real crisis. And I will nail you with the hammer and leave you holy just like crisis. You're right. That was actually for round one, but they fucked it up. Alright, time.