 Okay, so if you want a man to treat you like the one amazing woman that he wants to keep in his life forever, then he needs to see you as the valuable, amazing, beautiful woman that you are. And so today what I'm going to do is teach you how to raise your value in a man's eyes. Teach you how to raise your value in your own eyes by first kind of internalizing this idea that you're a really valuable woman and then what to do, what to say to a man to in order to communicate this to him. So if my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you like the work that I'm doing here and you want to support me and get my entire system for free, make sure that you go to the foreverwomanformula.com and that program is all about helping you to raise your value in a man's eyes and be seen as a woman that he wants to be with forever. So today I'm going to be talking about how to communicate your value. And so the first thing that you need to do if you're familiar with my work, you know that the first step is to internalize this value for yourself. And so you want to internalize it and declare it for yourself. So first step is to speak it, your value into existence. And so your mind may fight you on this one, right? Like if you've spent a lot of time, if you come from a family where you weren't really valued or you've been in relationships where you weren't really valued or if you've even kind of internalized things that make it so that you feel like you're not really a super valuable person, then what your mind might end up fighting you on this for a while and tell you reasons why you're not a valuable, amazing, awesome woman. And so what you need to do is you need to switch everything. You need to create a habit of speaking this into existence for yourself and also communicating it effectively to whatever man is in your life. And so the first thing that you need to do is affirm it. And so what you want to do is get affirmations, get different ways of speaking to yourself so that you are speaking to yourself in a way that you're talking yourself up and you're talking about the value that you have. Here are some different ways that you can do that. One is by saying I am a woman of value. Another one is saying men see me as relationship material. Another one is I am enough, right? And so there's a whole bunch of different ways that somebody when they see themselves as a valuable, worthwhile, amazing woman, they speak in a certain way and they talk in a certain way and you want to adapt and develop those speaking habits. And there's more of those if you want a whole huge array of different affirmations to say I've got it in the forever woman. So go check that out at theforeverwomanformula.com. So second, what you want to do is once you have some of those affirmations that you're going to be saying, you want to emotionalize them. And the reason that you want to emotionalize them is because your mind remembers things based on emotions. So the more you emotionalize something, the more that your brain, that tells your brain that this is something that you need to remember. It's like being in school and having a teacher who like circles and stars something next to if you wrote an essay and she like circles and stars something next to something that you wrote. It's like, hey, check this out. Remember this is the really good part, you do this again, right? And that's basically what happens when you emotionalize your words is that you're telling your brain, hey, remember this, remember what I'm saying right now. And so just get into emotional state, just remember a time when you felt happy or excited or alive or pumped up any kinds of positive emotions when you're saying these things because it helps internalize it and it helps you remember it. If you're here with us right now, make sure that you say hi in the chat. And we I love it to see all these women from all over the world so cool to see them from everywhere all over the world being a part of these live streams. So just say hi and let us know where it is that you're coming from. You're watching this from. So the second, the third part is writing it down. So you have an affirmation, you emotionalize it and then you write it down. And the reason that you want to write it down is because this gets your entire body involved in it. When I was in the military, I had a really kind of an embarrassing experience with a bunch of guys where I was out back with some, I was going to this medical school at the time. A bunch of my buddies out in the back throwing a football and I went out there and basically through the football and it was very clear and apparent to them that I had no idea what I was doing when it came to throwing a football because I was never taught that growing up. I didn't have really any great male role models in my life growing up and none of them taught me how to throw an American football. And so they taught me how to throw the ball and they when you throw a football, you use your whole body. You actually do that with most sports. Like if you're kicking a ball, if you're doing anything, you want to use your body because the more that you use your body, the easier it is to do the further the ball goes, all that kind of stuff. And it's kind of similar with writing something down versus saying it. When you get your body involved, it's easier to remember it. It gets more incorporated into who you are as a person. So you want to get everything kind of involved, all the different kind of modalities involved that you possibly can when you're saying these things. And the fourth one is reading it. And so we remember or we believe things that are written down. And so you may not know this, but when you go to a store, stores actually the prices that are on display aren't always the prices that things are. And if you go up to the counter and you ask them for discounts or reduce prices on things, a lot of stores will give those prices to you. They'll discount things for you. A lot of people don't know this, but most of the prices that you see anywhere aren't really the prices. But one of the things that stores have figured out is that if you walk in there and you see a price in ink and you read it, your mind gets tricked into thinking that that is the actual price. And so you just go, oh, this can of beans is 99 cents. Maybe that's a bad example. But anyway, the point is that you want to print it out, write it down, have it written somewhere so that you see it. I like to print my affirmations out and have them on a sheet. When I'm like every morning I'll write them down and say them. And I go through this entire process every morning with the affirmations that I want to believe in my life. And so my suggestion is that you print them out and write them down, read them. The next is repeated over and over again. They say repetition is the mother of skill. The more you repeat something, the deeper it gets stored into your mind. And so if you write something down with a pencil and you write it very lightly, it's easy to erase. But if you write it down and you write it over and over and over again, you press hard on it and you go over it over and over and over again, eventually it becomes almost impossible to erase. And even if you can erase it, it's still even etched into the paper there. And that's what you want to do with these beliefs and these thoughts is you want these new beliefs and thoughts to be etched into your brain as deeply as possible. And the best way to do that is to repeat it over and over again. And then the next part of this is to find evidence for it. Because the more evidence that you can find for these things that are true, the more your brain will backwards rationalize that you are these things. And so you want to find evidence and just go through this entire process, right? And just take these affirmations that I have and go over and over and over again as many times as you possibly can. And then the last part is communicating this with a man. And so if a guy does something that either undermines your value or if he does something that you like and you want to reinforce it, what you want to do is communicate the stand that you're taking for your own value. And so basically the way that I'm going to do this, this is a framing exercise right here. And the way that this frame goes is you say, I like when, and then you say either a guy or men or you, and then you say a specific action, and then you say because, and then just follow it up with something. It can be anything when you say the because. Because the reason for it just kind of etches that into his brain and makes him understand that it's important to you and doesn't even have to necessarily be a logical reason or anything like that. You just want to say because and then say something. So the way that you might say this is you might say something like, I like when a guy holds the door for me because it makes me feel special. Right? And so basically you're teaching a guy that you want him to hold doors for you. And it doesn't, and this doesn't even have to happen when he's doing it or when he's failed to do it. You can do it kind of anytime. If you want to by using the I like when frame. And so another one is I like when you go out of your way to see me because it shows me you care. Right? And so basically you're setting up a frame where you're saying, I like it when you go out of your way. I like it when you do these things. And because it shows me that you really care about me and that's really awesome, right? And so you're teaching him how to treat you and we're doing it in the positive here. So whenever you're using these frames, you want to do it in the positive. That way he understands it a little bit better and he doesn't feel like you're nagging him or scolding him or something like that. The next one is I like when men compliment me because it makes me feel good. Right? And so basically you're saying, I want you to compliment me. I want you to compliment me more. And so if he wants you to feel good, if he wants you to like him, if he wants those things, he'll start doing these things that we're talking about where he's holding doors for you and going out of his way to see you and complimenting you and all those kinds of things. And so that's the formula that you use. And so when do you use a guy or men or you? It depends on your situation, right? And just use it whenever it makes the most sense for you to use it that way. If you're just on the first date with a guy and you're not going to say, I like it when you because you don't have that much experience with him to say I like it when you, right? You only want to do that if you're reinforcing positive behavior that he's shown in the past. And so basically what I'm talking about is framing here. I have a whole program on framing. It's in my love frames. It's called the Love Frames Toolkit. It's a great program if you want to check that out. So that's everything that I have for you today. If you have any questions about anything, make sure that you put them in the chat and we will get to them here in one second here. So hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. See if we have any questions here. What questions do you have? So Janelle says, my boyfriend just blocked me because I got mad at him and I was trying to be in my feminine energy. I'm not calling him. He's a cat. I'm waiting for him to come back. Okay, okay. So your boyfriend blocked you because you got mad at him and I was trying to be in my feminine energy. It sounds like there's a bunch going on there, but you should definitely... So it kind of depends on the situation, right? If you're definitely in the wrong, I never advocate for not admitting when you are in the wrong. If you're not in the wrong, that's another thing. Or if it's just kind of a normal situation and you just got mad and he's overreacting or whatever, it's good to lean back. If you got mad and started acting like a lunatic and started attacking him or throwing things at him or something like that, you definitely wanna make sure that you're apologizing and not acting that way in the future. I don't know what you did that made him block you, whether he's just overreacting or whether you did something that was kind of uncalled for, but you wanna kind of check in with that and figure that out, but it's good. You got the cat analogy. I'm glad you got the cat analogy. It's very important. Teresa says, I am enough and worth gold. That's great. Great affirmation there, Teresa. So Susan says, I love my new feminist lifestyle and the beauty value has added to my life. Okay, I don't know what you're talking about. Bonnie says, Bonnie says, just joined in. Can it be rewatched from the beginning? Yes, yes it can. Okay, so Laura says, checking in, enjoy your videos, very helpful advice at times. Well, you are welcome. I'm glad that that is valuable for you. While a woman says thanks, the idea of emotionalizing something to remember and all the years I have heard about using visualizations or affirmations, I have never read or heard this important piece before. It's by far the most important piece. Like, if you're just sitting there and you're like, I am a valuable woman, I am a valuable woman, I am enough, right? Your mind is like, you don't even believe it. You know, like you don't really care about this. This doesn't even make sense to you, right? You wanna do this entire full step process when you do this, right? You wanna speak it into existence. You wanna emotionalize it, write it down, read it, repeat it over and over again, and find evidence forward. And then actually go out in your real life and put it into practice by communicating it to a man. Cause if you do all of those things, it'll really make it like it'll fully embody you. If you're just sitting around saying your affirmation over and over and over again, your brain isn't gonna believe it. And if your brain doesn't believe it, if your emotions don't believe it, you're not gonna end up believing it. And then it's just gonna be a giant waste of your time. And so my suggestion is that you definitely emotionalize it because it's one of the most important pieces to possibly doing it. So Janelle says, I'm getting abundance. I'm going to go on other dates, so I'm not going to be in a place of lack if he comes back. That's important. You should definitely, I mean, I don't know how long, you know, you're calling him your boyfriend, but you're like going out on other dates and getting abundance and he's blocking you. It doesn't sound like it's really like a boyfriend situation. Just being totally honest with you there. Doesn't sound like a full, if you have questions, make sure you ask them in the chat. Or this will be a very short live stream. So Debbie says, why do I keep attracting the wrong kind of met? I have two ex-husbands and they done me over. I'm a good person. Where am I going wrong? Well, it's hard to know, Debbie, without more information about who you're meeting and what kind of guys you're meeting. I mean, you have two ex-husbands. So you were in a relationship with two guys for long enough that you decided to get married to them and you're saying they did you over, which means that there's kind of some kind of negative thing. I mean, I don't even know what they did. It's hard to know. I'd have to know more about your situation, Debbie, to really help you in this a little bit more. And since I don't know more about your situation, it's kind of hard. It's kind of hard to know. It's kind of hard to know. So MDR says, hi from Italy. Hello, what if I say to my long-distance crush that I don't like when he stops responding for more days? He still sends me emojis or songs. I'm not sure what you're talking about. So you have a long-distance crush. So you guys aren't in a relationship at all. And he stops responding for days to what you're saying. So if, okay, here's also, but before we get to a normal conversation, it might be days. So he sends you emojis or songs. Well, that's pretty normal behavior. There's a couple of different things that you wanna look at here. The first thing that you wanna look at if you're in a long-distance situation sounds like you're not even in a relationship yet, but you just started talking to a guy. And it's pretty normal for most people not to communicate every single day. And if he's sending you songs and emojis and stuff like that, he's connecting with you, right? He's reaching out to connect with you, assuming that he's the one that's reaching out to you and you're not the one reaching out to him, and then he's just sending you a song or an emoji back. That's actually him communicating and connecting with you. And so it's pretty normal for people not to be, especially if you're not even in a relationship yet to not be communicating every single day. What you'd probably wanna do is you'd probably want to, you'd probably want to communicate and just talk, do exactly like what we talked about in this video, right? So you say I like when, right? I like when you contact me every day. I like when you give me a call. I like when whatever it is that you're saying before, to kind of push him in the direction of getting what it is that you're looking for in the situation. Another thing that you need to kind of figure out is whether your communication style and your need to have this connection is actually like congruent with who he is as a human being, right? So some people, they don't want to talk every single day. Some people do want to talk every single day. And so it really kind of depends on if you're in a relationship with a guy who wants to talk every day and making sure that you guys are on the same page and that you're compatible. So sorry about that. I had to kind of do some things and look at some things here while I was talking. I apologize. So Jenelle says, we dated for two weeks. He told me he wanted to take me to meet his family this Christmas. We met on bubble. Yeah, I had exclusivity before any physical. I just don't want to wait for a minute. Yeah, I mean, you dated for two weeks. I mean, that's a pretty, that's a very short period of time to go from, you know, we dated for two weeks to we're in a relationship now. You know, he's my boyfriend, right? Like two weeks, you know, and now he's blocking you. My suggestion is that, I mean, you meet somebody and you might end up feeling like you want to get really caught up in kind of these emotions where you're like, oh, okay, we are having these emotions and I'm really into you and you're really into me. But two weeks is kind of early to be like, okay, we're jumping all in and we're boyfriend, girlfriend now, you know? And obviously it didn't work out because he's blocking you right now when you're getting angry. I mean, it's just, it just sounds like what, excuse me, what it sounds like is you need to, like next time is you need to relax a little bit and let things go on for a little bit longer. I would suggest that you wait more than two weeks before you guys are in, before you jump into a relationship. I mean, it is possible that everything's totally on and all the boxes are checked, but you really give yourself a lot of space and room if you take a little bit more time and make sure that you're getting into a good situation, right? Find out what he's like when he's uncomfortable. Find out what he's like when you guys have a disagreement because if you guys are having disagreements and he's blocking you and disappearing on you, I mean, that's a huge red flag. And so, you know, if you're already in a relationship and you don't know this because you've only been seeing each other for two weeks, you should have been, you should have spaced it out a little bit. You should have chilled out a little bit on jumping into things so quickly. That's what I have to say to that. Looks like Modesty is posting some of Helena's videos. All right. Debbie says, why do I, oh, okay. Yeah, I've heard that one. Okay, so the next one is what do we got? What do we got? Ms. Linda says, how do you frame it, frame when it comes to a conversation you've been wanting to have and waiting to have with a man who seems to be avoiding it? Well, what's the conversation you're trying to have? Nora says, how to have the what are we conversation? Well, the question, Nora, is how long have you guys been seeing each other? Cause if you guys have been seeing each, so there's a bunch of questions that I have here. First question is how long have you guys been seeing each other? Second question is have you already talked to him about what he's looking for, which you should do at the very beginning of a dating experience with anybody as you should be talking about what they're looking for, what you're looking for. That way you guys know if you're on the same page and in alignment with each other. Cause if you're looking for something committed and he's not looking for something committed, then that's something that you need to find out immediately and upfront. And I know that there's some coaches out there that say, don't ask that information. That is horrible advice. Don't listen to them at all. My suggestion is that you follow my advice and follow my system. And my system, you can go get at the foreverwomanformula.com. You can get the entire system there for free. My suggestion is that you go and check that out. But you don't wanna have the what are we conversation. What you wanna have is the conversation about what he's looking for at the beginning. You want to have the exclusivity conversation before you guys get physically intimate with each other. And then by the three, somewhere between three to six months of being with each other, he should be letting you know that he wants something real with you. And if he's not making that clear and obvious, then there's something wrong. And you want to look into what's going on there. And if there is something wrong and if there is something wrong, it's probably because you're not following my system, which is giving him space and allowing his love to grow and creating scarcity and having abundance of connection and options and all that kind of stuff. Because if you're doing that, what will end up happening is that the guy will be totally into you and then his movement will be moving forward with you and he'll start bringing stuff up even if he doesn't want to because he feels it and it's just something that's coming out of him. That's what happens when a guy sees a woman that he feels is a really valuable woman is he starts just bringing those things up and he starts talking about those things. And so that's what you wanna do. Okay, so Mrs. Paranoia to Android says, my boyfriend hates my momentary broke state. He says he is turned off by that. I'm working on my business and he is impatient and doesn't want to go on vacation with me because I can't pay 50%, is that okay? Well, my question would be, is it okay for you? And so if you're seeing this guy and his thing is he wants you always paying 50% of everything even though you're broke, right? What does that say about him as a man? What it says to me is that he's not willing to take care of you and or you've set up a frame or you're in a frame where you're saying that it's important that you guys are both paying equally to whatever kind of a situation that you have and that, you know, which there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with. If you want to be in a relationship where you're both paying half and half, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of a situation if that's what you want. But what it means is that you need to take care of your business and not go on the vacation with him. And, you know, there's nothing wrong with that either. You know, just be like, hey, look, go on vacation then and I will work on my business and work on my stuff. And, you know, you can go alone if that's what you want to do, but I am not in a position to pay 50%. So I can't go on the vacation if that's what you need in order for us to go on vacation together. And just realize that that is looking into the future. Which again, there's nothing wrong with, right? We live in the world of feminism these days and men and women are equal and men and women have to pay, you know, equal shares of things, at least in the West, that's how things are. If you go to the East, it's not that way. And so just realize that that's the situation that you're in. If you're dating or in a relationship with somebody who expects you to pay 50% of everything that you're going to be with. And so if that's the kind of relationship that you want and that you're okay with, that's fine. If you want a relationship where a guy is more willing to take care of you and make sure that everything's okay, just realize that you have to find a guy with different values, right? More, probably more traditional values, probably in a state where he's more generous with his money, which there's nothing wrong with. There's nothing bad or good about either one of those scenarios. It's just what works best for you. And so you need to figure out what works best for you and decide whether this is okay for you or not, right? I can't tell you whether that's okay for you. Maybe you're Miss Gungho, feminist woman who needs to have her independences and is making sure guys know how independent you are all the time and how you don't need no man and all that kind of stuff, right? We get, sometimes on our Facebook page, we'll have just tons and tons of comments like that on some of the videos and stuff like that. And I just, I think it's funny. I think it's really funny. So yeah, you need to figure out what works for you and what doesn't work for you. Zia says, question, is there any point to date a stingy man? Will he improve? How to get him to spend more money on you if he is stingy and not used to spend? No, if you don't want a stingy man, don't date a stingy man, right? He's not gonna change. You're not gonna get him to change. He might change, but it's unlikely, right? If he's really like, especially depending on his age, depending on how old he is and how long he's been doing this, it really depends on why he's being stingy. If he's being stingy, because he's like straight up broke, then that might be one thing, right? It might be that when he has money, he's a lot more generous with it and he's a lot more into spending it and all that kind of stuff, but just realize like, I don't know what it is. I don't know why it is, but we get women all the time who come over and they're like, oh, how do I get this guy to start doing this thing that he doesn't normally do and he doesn't like doing because he's this other way. And it's like, why are you trying to change some guy, right? It's that whole, he'd be perfect if only, right? And you don't want that. What you want is to look at him in his stinginess, right? Cause he's Mr. Stingy and decide whether Mr. Stingy is okay with you or not. And if you're okay with him being Mr. Stingy and maybe that means that he has more money, right? A lot of times men do this thing where they make sure that they have cushions because they want, because as men, we feel like we need to provide for women and a family and other people. And so we, a lot of times we'll make sure that we have an extra cushion of money and that we're not just throwing money at things, right? Depending on what your habits are. I don't know, maybe you're kind of stingy too. Maybe you're one of those people that likes to just blow money on all kinds of things. Who knows? But may, you know, look at your own habits and decide whether you or your habits are unreasonable or not for him or for people or men or find a guy that's stingy or find a guy that's more generous and more willing to spend money and just be okay with whatever man you're with, right? So like trying to change a man and trying to fix him and trying to make him what you want him to be, right? Like we talk a lot to women where women are like, I don't want to fit this mold that a man wants me to be. Well, men don't want to fit your mold either, right? So don't try to change him or, you know, if you can't love him for who he is, then you need to find a different man. Hopefully that answers your question. Arlene says, been dating for four months, we are exclusive, however, no one has used the girlfriend boyfriend titles. How do I let him know I want that now? Well, I have a lot of different, Arlene, I have a lot of different things. I've got a lot to say about the whole boyfriend, girlfriend, title thing. First off, that's not very important in the terms of anything, right? If that's something that you like and that you wanna feel, there's different, there's different ways that you can broach the topic if it's like super important to you. My suggestion though, is to not get fooled by the boyfriend, girlfriend term if you want something more than that. If you want marriage, if you want, if you want marriage, if you wanna ring, if you want something that's a little bit more than the boyfriend, girlfriend card, my suggestion is that you don't worry about those titles at all because they're almost completely meaningless, right? So there's a bit of a kind of possession, possessional frame behind those, right? Like I call him my boyfriend, therefore that means that he's kind of mine and he calls me his girlfriend, therefore it means that I'm kind of his, right? However, outside of that kind of feeling of I possess this other person in this kind of dating situation, it doesn't really mean anything at all and it shouldn't, in my opinion, it shouldn't be kind of an outcome or a stepping stone or a part of your progression towards getting to marriage if marriage is something that you want. If marriage isn't something that you want and you don't really care and you're just going out and dating and doing whatever, then you can kind of do whatever you wanna do and if you wanna have the conversation about it, you can frame it like what we were talking about before, you can frame it by talking about asking him the first kind of the first way or the first step to doing it instead of kind of imposing it on him, it would just be asking him about it, just ask him what he thinks about it, ask him if you're trying to have like what Nora was talking about, the what are we kind of conversation, but you don't wanna go at it in a completely direct fashion, which again, my suggestion is that you don't have that conversation at all, but if you want to, what you do is you ask questions like, what do you think of that term or if you wanna make it even more kind of like not attached to you two, what you do is you'd find a scenario, right? Like find two celebrities and these celebrities are boyfriend, girlfriend and they're not married yet, but they do call each other boyfriend, girlfriend and just find something about that and then just bring it up to him and while you're talking about it, just go, hey, what do you think about that? What do you think about like terms like boyfriend, girlfriend? Like do you think those are important at all? And so I'm assuming that you've had the conversation about what he's looking for and that you really, this is incredibly important to you that you are called his girlfriend. So that's how I would first bring it up is just starting that conversation because once you start having that conversation, he'll start revealing to you based on whatever he says about how important it is to him and whether that's something that you'll end up having a conversation about in the long term. I hope that answers your question. If not, ask it again. So Laura says, laugh out loud. I'd let him go on his vacation by himself, exactly. Let him go on his vacation by himself. Modesty says, Nora, I have listened to suggestions on videos on this platform that you let a man know what you are available for and also check with him what he is available for in the initial dating stages. Nora says, is that the forever woman formula? It's forever woman, the forever woman formula.com. That's where you wanna go. Stephanie says, what about the exes interfering in the relationship? Getting inside his head, making him question our relationship. We've been together for five months and now we can't see each other when he has his kids because he feels threatened. When do you call it quits or keep fighting for it? Well, that's a really good question. And it is a big red flag that he is allowing his ex to determine when you guys can see each other or not. I mean, I get kind of the kids thing, right? They've got kids together, so she probably is like, hey, I don't want them to, especially if, you know what I mean? You're sitting here talking about calling it quits right now and you're worried about him not having, not being around you when he has his kids. So that's a, for me, that's kind of a red flag in your direction because it's like, okay, you know, you aren't all that attached to what's going on here, right? You don't see this going somewhere necessarily very deep because you're already talking about calling it quits and you're talking about this guy not wanting to show his kids to you. Well, he should be very protective of who he introduces his kids to in terms of who he's dating. He should be very protective of that. And if you are in a situation where you're like, hey, you know, should I just be calling this quits? That is a big red, should be a big red flag for him because he should be looking at you like, well, you're not even really in this, you know? Assuming that he's totally in this and he's committed to it and he's trying to make it work and he's fighting for it, you're over here questioning whether you want to quit or not, right? That should be ringing some alarm bells in your mind about whether you're actually serious about him or not. And you should be looking at the situation and what's going on with the two of you as to why you're so willing to question whether you should be calling it quits or not. And if you are questioning it, you should look at that deeper and decide if this is a situation that you should be getting into, whether the guy that you're seeing, if this is gonna be fulfilling, whether, you know, if it's not okay with you, with the whole kid's situation and he's being controlled and manipulated by his ex and all these other things, right? So if he was in a situation where he had some concern about it, he should be saying, hey, you know, I'm not sure that we should really be around my kids quite yet because we're not really that serious with each other. But since he's kind of blaming it on his ex, I mean, there's a whole bunch of different things going on here that are different red flags in both directions that you wanna be looking at. And so what you wanna decide is whether this is really a serious situation, whether this is really moving towards it being a more serious situation or not because if it's not, then you definitely don't want to pressure him to be bringing his kids around you when you're not even really all that serious about him in the first place. So those are kind of the questions that you wanna be asking yourself and deciding whether this is something that you really wanna be in or not. And the sooner you figure out whether it's something you really wanna be in or not, the better because you don't wanna be wasting tons of time with a guy that you're only kind of sort of really into and you don't really wanna be with him long term and he's not stepping up and being the man or whatever it is that you're concerned with and that you're not feeling and whatever is going on there, you wanna dig into that and figure out whether it's a deal breaker or not so that you can cut it off really quickly or decide really quickly that you're really into this so that you guys can move forward and therefore having a legitimate reason for him to be around you while he has his kids. So hopefully that answers your question as well. So Rosie says, I like a guy but he's mean to me 24 seven like he winds me up and I don't like it because it's annoying. Okay, Laura says, okay, move on. So Rosie says, I mean, I really like him though and I don't know if he is doing it in a flirty way. I'm not sure what that one's referring to. Some of these conversations are like overlapping with each other. So Ms. Paranoid Android says, I guess I'm more traditional minded and yes, he says he'll go on vacation alone. I wish I could make the money and send him on a plane alone. Okay. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. That's one of those things you have to really figure out and think about at the beginning, right? Like the most important things that allow you guys to stay together long-term when you're getting into a dating situation. I know you said you're already in a relationship with him. So it's kind of like you're in this mode where you're like trying to fix something but if you're going on dates with guys what you want to figure out is whether he's in alignment with you, right? From a value standpoint. If he's not in alignment from a value standpoint where he's more traditional and he wants to take care of you and he wants to treat you well and he's got money and so he's doing all these things for you and if he's not doing that and you get into a situation where he's like 50, 50, right? Go on the vacation with me or and pay 50% or don't go on the vacation at all you need to find that out really quickly and decide whether that's something that you want to be in or not. And so you want to kind of ask questions at the beginning where you're kind of learning about these things about his values. Bonnie says being mean is not flirting it's to see how desperately you want a relationship enough to accept him hurting you and stay. He don't respect you. That's not necessarily true. It kind of depends on where he grew up and what his family is like and what his experiences with women have been like in the past. So there's a certain like if you're in the United States for instance and you live on the northeastern part of the United States like New York and Northern Virginia and some of those states over there I'm not gonna name all of them. My geography is great, I know. So if you're from some of those states sarcasm and being kind of hurtful or mean to somebody is a natural and normal part of your everyday conversation, right? I grew up in Ohio and my family was like that. My family, we just were sarcastic towards each other all the time. We were mean-spirited, hurtful. We talked trash to each other all the time. It took me years to get over that. And it's one of those things where some people they love it, right? If you go on to dating profiles online you will see especially, I don't know as much about guys because I haven't looked as many guys profiles before but if you go and look at women's profiles you will see women that say, I love sarcasm, right? And what they are talking about is you basically making fun of them. And so some women absolutely love it. They love to be put down. They love to be talked to that way. And a lot of guys know that, right? I was in a relationship for about five and a half years with a woman who loved sarcasm. She loved me making fun of her. I hated it, but she loved it. She absolutely loved it. And so you have to, again, it's one of those alignment things, right? You have to be in a situation and be around somebody and they will start treating you a certain way. And you have to take a stand for what you like and what you don't like. And then you have to see how they interact with you and then you have to decide that you either wanna stay or you wanna go based on how they interact with you. And it's important to do that from the very beginning and to do it before you get overly invested and totally hooked and start, you start getting physically invested and all that kind of stuff. So you wanna do, and so what's happening right now in this world that we live in is that a lot of people, we live in this hookup culture and people are like, I mean, we just talked to this whoever it was was talking about how she has been with a guy for two weeks and she considers it a relationship. They're hooking up and all that kind of stuff. Like you guys, if you want to make sure that you're getting into a good situation, just chill out and wait and lean back and just watch what guys do because people will, they'll put their foot in their mouth, they will act stupid, they will show who they are over time. When you first meet somebody, they've got their best self on and that is the best that they're gonna be and it's only gonna go downhill from there. And then at some point, usually around the three month mark, they start opening up even more about who they really are and showing a lot of their flaws that they were trying to hide from you before. And so you want to give some space to it. You don't wanna be jumping into these relationships immediately because when you do that, it doesn't allow you time to really figure out who they are as a human being and let some of their flaws come out which you wanna see, you wanna see their flaws. You want your flaws to come out and you want their flaws to come out because if you don't bring your flaws out, he's not gonna know what your flaws are and then he can't fall in love with you for that and if you don't, if his flaws don't come out, you won't see the red flags, right? And so you need their flaws to come out and you need some time before you guys are jumping into relationships together. I probably just went on a total tangent there. I'm not sure. So anyway, let's move on to the next one. So Modesty says, yeah, if you learn to love yourself, you would not accept anyone being mean to you. Yeah, I mean, if you feel like it's being mean to you, really, you need to get out of the situation or you need to take a stand and see how he interacts. If he's treating you mean 24-7, that means that it's probably not a good, it's probably not a good fit. You guys probably aren't a good fit. So Nora says, the holidays are coming. How to ask him for a little getaway together? So the holidays are coming and you're trying to get him to go on a holiday that he takes you on. My suggestion is that you don't. Is that you don't at all. You let him bring it up. If you want to give him suggestions, don't talk about you two going on a getaway together. What you want to do is go back to what we were just talking about at the beginning of this video where I talk about framing, right? The way that I talked about framing where you say, I like when or I like to travel, right? I love it, you know, like, or I dream about, right? These are different ways to kind of give him ideas. And so you want to progressively come up with these, like tell him about these things where you're kind of giving him suggestions and then letting him decide on his own because you're, I mean, like it's his money, right? You're talking about this guy who's a businessman. He's got his own money. You, you know, based on everything that you've said so far, you want him to take you out on a trip and pay for it. And so he has to come up with that decision himself. The thing that you can do is plant seeds in his mind and let him know that you're interested in these things. Ask him questions like what we talked about earlier where you're not asking him what we are, but you're asking him what he thinks about traveling with people. Like do you always, it sounds like you always solo travel. Like are you, have you ever traveled with another person? Is that something that you're interested in? Well, what if it was, you know, if you're in a relationship with somebody and you guys wanted to, you know, you're just asking questions, you know, and if he tries to accuse you of something, be like, no, no, no, I didn't say, are you saying you want to, you know, like turn it back on him? Are you saying that you want to take me on a trip? I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. I mean, maybe, you know, basically you want to play with it, right? Have fun with it, ask him questions, elicit kind of these different things that are going on with him, but not directly suggesting. You do not want to directly suggest that he takes you out and travels with you on his own dime, right? You want that to be his idea. You can accuse him of suggesting that if he's not, right? I talk about that in my framing stuff as well, but you don't want to, you don't want to outright suggest that to him because you're not in a position to be telling him or suggesting to him what he should be doing with his money and then he might start thinking that you're some kind of gold digger who's just using him for money and travel experiences. So you don't want to do that. Instead, you want to be curious and you want to ask him questions and you want to talk about things that you'd like and you don't necessarily have to do it all at one sitting. So that's that. Okay, so let's see here. Where are we? Where are we? Irina says, Matthew, you are great. You helped me a lot. I'm a different woman now and I love it. Thank you. Well, you are absolutely welcome. Rosie says, I've been put down so much by past relationships, people being very forceful that I just want something better so I get emotionally attached to everyone and just don't know what to do. Yeah, my suggestion, Rosie, is that you go through my program and you use my program, go through my program at least 10 times. It's a free program. Go over to the foreverwomanformula.com and go through that. If you have other healing work that you need to do, I suggest you do that as well. I'm gonna be putting together some programs here in the not so distant future about some of those things, about how to heal yourself, about how to value yourself, about how to come from a space of wholeness and a space of love and a space of self-love. So watch out for those things but in the meantime, my suggestion is that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com and get yourself a copy of my program there for free. Sandra says, I am engaged to a man that says he loves me and I am all he has but he disappeared since yesterday morning, didn't call or anything, I don't know what to do. What you should do, Sandra, is lean back and chill out and create an abundance of connection with other people. So just go out and make some friends, talk to family members, go play with a dog or something. Go spend some time so that you aren't freaking out and so that you don't end up moving forward. So you don't want to do anything in that regard. If he needs, you know what I mean? It's a day, yesterday morning, it's been a day and a half or something. I don't know where you are in the world but you definitely don't want to be freaking out about it. So Sandra says, what are the five words we shouldn't say? The program's free, go get the program. It's in the program. It's a part of the program. Go check it out. The five words are in the mistakes. There's a section about mistakes women make when they're using the program. It's in that video and so just go through that video. It's in there, closer to the end. I can't remember what's right before it but there's something right before it. Just go watch that video about the mistakes. Zia says, I am also traditional. I love a man to be the man. It feels secure when he takes care of me being a provider and a protector not let me become haggard from the constant worries about bills. Laura says, you know, it's good to know what you like and what you want. So Laura says, Rosie Gold, you deserve to have better stand up for yourself honey because when you do and you value your ownership, own self. I don't know what that means. But yeah, you should definitely value yourself. Go over this video again. Go over the forever woman formula. That's my suggestion. Zia says, in return, he get misparanied android. In return, he get a feminine, hot trophy wife who nurture him in all the ways he need and laugh at his boring jokes. Oh yeah. So Nora says, Matt, do you have private coaching? I'm not doing private coaching right now. I'm in the middle of a huge creation of programs and products and other things. So I'm not doing any coaching right now. However, Helena Hart is doing coaching if you're interested. Go to HelenaHartCoaching.com. Helena and I work together. We are best buds and BFFs forever and we complete each other. So go check out Helena Hart if you want more information about coaching from her. Young says, what does it means when a man that you are dating now and then he asks you questions like now you are gonna get married since you took your uni degree or where are you gonna get married? So you're dating a guy and he's like, you just got done with your university degree, now you are gonna get married? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sounds like he's messing with you. That's what it sounds like to me. So Rosie Gold says, fair enough, being told to stand up for yourself but when you're in a situation when you're being forced to do something you can't exactly not do it because you're being blackmailed and you're scared. You know, it sounds to me like you need to, Rosie, you need to rethink what's going on in your life because if you're being blackmailed and you're being forced to do something, yeah, you need to rethink your entire life. That's what you need to be doing. Rethink your whole life. What's going on there? Miss Paranoid Android says, seven months, Matt, I think he's really trying to get my act together. Ha ha ha, okay. Laura says, Rosie Gold, it's up to you to get out of it then, sweetie. That's right. Arlene says, he has said things like I am his girl and yes, I would like to be called girlfriend. Isn't that almost like saying the same thing, his girl versus girlfriend? Yeah, I mean, that's the possessive ownership thing that I was talking about. It's not exactly the same thing. I mean, like I said, in my opinion, that's not important at all, right? Like the ownership thing, if that's important to you, you know, I understand, but it's not, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that you guys are going anywhere. It doesn't mean that it's leading to anything. I talked about this in a video that I did about casual relationships. Just because a guy tells you, says that you're his girlfriend, doesn't mean that you're moving towards a committed relationship. It doesn't mean that you're moving towards marriage. It doesn't mean that you're moving towards anything. And so my suggestion is to stop getting all caught up in that. Bonnie says, it depends on if it's actually mean, like putting you down or being sarcastic and picking, right? So yeah, Bonnie, you know, it's one of those things like I was saying before, like I don't believe that sarcasm is healthy in relationships. Some women love it, some men love it. You have to decide whether that's okay for you or not because I personally don't think it's healthy for the most part. I mean, a little bit of it in banters here and there is okay, but you know, she was talking about it being like 24 seven, that's not healthy, definitely not healthy. Sandra says, we have been together almost two years. Angela says, I finally gave up on a long distance relationship that wasn't working. That happens a lot. Arlene says, I'm not going to bring up the girlfriend title to him. I think your point is valid. Being here listening makes me realize how lucky I am next move is. How do I ask him to meet my friends and family? So you guys have been together for a while now and you haven't met his friends or family. I mean, it depends on how long you guys have been together. I don't remember you saying how long you guys have been together for, but if you guys have been together for over six months and you haven't seen his friends or his family, I would say that's a big red flag and there's something else going on there that you need to figure out. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. It could be. It's just a question of what is going on there. And so, you know, if you're not using my program, the forever woman formula, then you know, I don't know what you're doing, but you should be using that program and over a period of months, what ends up happening is that a guy falls more and more and more in love with you and starts feeling more for you. And he starts feeling like he wants to do certain things. Like one of the signs of him being in love with you is that he wants to show you off. He's proud of you. He wants to show you off to his friends. He wants to show you off to his family. He wants to take pictures of the two of you together and post them on social media and show that you guys are a couple and that you're together. And if you guys have been together for six months and he's not doing that or he's not even trying to do that and he doesn't care about that, there's something funny, there's something funny going on that's not so funny that you need to find out about. So, Nora says, you're our hero, thank you so much. Terry says, what's progress? Please just tuning in, sorry. Nothing is progress, that's the whole point. Men go from zero to a hundred. That's how men operate in relationships. And so they usually, there's a little, they see you and they're into you and they really like you and then there's usually kind of this gestation period. Like this period where things are kind of like bubbling up and it's like a pot of boiling water, you turn it on heat and it's like, hey, I'm hot but it takes a little while for it to bubble up. But once it bubbles up, it's like, right, it boils over really, really quickly. And that's how men are in relationships. Man, that's an amazing metaphor. I'm gonna write that down after I'm done here. So when a guy gets into a relationship or he meets a girl and he's like, oh, I'm really into her, right? And sometimes these biological things come up where he starts like dreaming about you guys having kids together and getting married and like, you know, like what it's like to be in love. And he wants to go like dancing through a field together and singing off of a rooftop and all that kind of stuff. And then what happens over time is that switches and it either switches into like, eh, I didn't really like, eh, you know, I'm starting to wake up and I don't, not really that into her, or it turns into this love thing, right? It goes from infatuation and it develops into love. And if you're using the forever woman formula, it'll end up turning into love, most likely, unless he has some serious issues going on, like being emotionally unavailable or some other thing like that going on. But if he doesn't have that going on, then it's gonna end up turning into love over time. And he will start wanting to show you off to his friends and his family and he'll want everybody to see you. I hope, I hope that explains that. So Erie says, since I started watching your YouTube, my relationship has gone great. Thank you, Matt. One thing is that I want a present for my birthday, but he has told me he doesn't like birthdays, et cetera. What can I do? Well, what you can do is frame things in the way that I was talking about earlier, right? Where you talk about, and you might not necessarily need to talk about it in terms of men, but maybe you can, right? Like you want to set a frame and I talk all about frames in my love frames toolkit, but I will give you specifically exactly what you should be doing here, which is you wanna talk about a past incident, right? A past scenario. Or you can either talk about a past scenario or you can talk about a scenario from like TV or somebody else, somebody in your family or something else, where they received a gift. And you talk about how, like how it made you feel loved. You know, like, oh, I got this gift from my dad when I was 15 and I didn't think he was gonna give it to me. You know, he was gonna get me anything, but he ended up surprising me with this present. And you know, it wasn't even that big of a deal. It was just this unicorn toy. And what ended up happening was I just, it made me feel so loved and so special and it just made me wanna be closer to him. And it just, you know, I just, I felt so cared for by my dad when he bought me that present, even though he's not normally the kind of guy that, you know, is into holidays or any of that kind of stuff. And so basically what you're doing here, if you're not catching on to what I'm saying, is you're creating a scenario where you talk about a guy who's basically like your boyfriend and how this guy was kind of in the same scenario as your boyfriend, but then ended up doing what you want your boyfriend to do and how much it made you feel in love and how much it made you feel cared for and all these great things, right? So that's one of the things that you wanna, you can do, right? And that's kind of setting up a situation where you're planting a seed in his mind where he, if he's paying attention, he will go, oh, okay, like I get it, right? And he might even bring it up like, oh, well, are you saying this? Cause some guys aren't as dumb as a lot of women want to pretend like they are. And sometimes they'll pick up on some things and sometimes they won't, you never know. It kinda depends on the guy, right? And so if he picks up on it and he starts being like, oh, so are you saying that I should buy you a gift for your birthday? Is that what you're saying? Cause this happens sometimes when you start doing frames. And so if you set that frame and then he starts saying something like that, just like what I was talking about with, I think it was Nora earlier, where you wanna be like, no, I'm not, are you saying you wanna buy me a, look, here's the deal. If you wanna buy me a gift, that's totally awesome and I would completely appreciate it. Obviously you don't have to, I love gifts though, right? And so what you're doing here is you're talking about your framing the idea of what you like, right? Like I love gifts, I love, I like it when people buy me gifts, right? Those are different frames that you're setting. You're setting frames where you say, I like when somebody buys me a gift, right? Or gets me a gift or whatever, right? Or the other scenario that I was talking about was bringing up like celebrities, right? So there's this couple and you're like, hey, you know what? Even if you don't watch celebrity stuff, what you could do is you could say, hey, you know, like normally I don't even watch celebrity stuff. It was so weird the other day I was watching this, this celebrity, this, I don't even know. I don't know anything about celebrities. Who are some celebrities I know? So Wayne, I don't know any celebrities at all. So I'm just gonna make up some names because I don't know any celebrities. Okay, I do know somebody. Let's say The Rock, right? Let's say that The Rock, Dwayne The Rock Johnson and whoever his wife is, you're watching a show about them and his, you know, he, at the beginning of the show they talked about how he wasn't gonna be able to make it for his wife's birthday. And so, but what ended up happening was he surprised her and he showed up and he bought, it wasn't even a big deal, but he bought his, or he made his wife this present and gave it to her or he wrote her a note and left it for whatever kind of thing, right? And what you wanna do is based on that thing that happened where this person bought this and normally you don't even care, but you know, there was something about it that I don't know, I just, I thought it was so, it was just such a, it was so sweet. It was so like attractive. Like it made me, you know, like she must have just felt so amazing and all this stuff and just, oh, it's just so dreamy and all that kind of stuff, right? And so basically what you're doing is you wanna frame it in the sense that it's attractive and, you know, these are kind of subtle ways of like looping or twisting through conversations where you set up a frame where you say, hey, this is really attractive. Hey, I like this. Hey, this made me feel really special when I was a child and this person did this for me, right? And so you're like, with the combination of all these things, he will almost certainly get the point, right? Because you're speaking in kind of these frames and he starts getting it and if he has resistance to it, he will bring that up. And, you know, all you have to do is just respond to it in a way where you're being innocent and you're just like, oh, well, I wasn't even saying that. And then just switching it over to you and being like, you know, I love gifts. I love when people give me gifts and I love, you know, even if it's nothing expensive or anything like that, even if it's just a little note or something, it's just, I don't know, it's so attractive to me and it just, I don't know, it just, you know, you can say things like it turns me on or I love it or it makes me feel cared for or it makes me feel like I'm special or any of those kinds of things, right? Cause those are the kinds of things that he wants you to experience and he wants you to feel. So that was a huge tangent. Terry says, hellanahart.com or Facebook. Go to hellanahartcoaching.com, the website. That's what you wanna do. Okay, so that's it for today. If again, make sure that you go to theforeverwomanformula.com if you want my program, you can get it there for free. If you wanna be loved and cherished and absolutely adored and seen in a great relationship, make sure you go get my program at theforeverwomanformula.com. It helps me, it supports all the things that I'm doing here, building and creating all this stuff. So make sure that you go and check that out. This, I do all of the stuff that I'm doing for you. You are really the reason that I'm here, the women of our community. We have the best women in our community. And so thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your journey and helping you. I know that a lot of women out there are going through a lot of challenges and a lot of problems and the dating world is just, it's a jungle today, right? Like the hookup culture, it's a pain. It's a very painful thing for a lot of people to go through and it's a challenge for everybody. And that's, I've experienced it for myself. I've had my own problems, my own challenges around dating and feelings of not being worthy and not communicating my value and getting into really bad relationships when I was younger. And so my mission really is to help show you that there's a better way. I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into and stay in relationships that last. And that's why I put together the forever woman formula. The forever woman formula is really all about helping make sure that you get into a relationship where you're really seen and you're really loved and absolutely cherished. What you want, here's what you want to do, right? You want to know and communicate your value to a man. That's really what this video was about. That's what some of the other videos that I've done have been about. You also wanna be true to yourself when you're coming towards dating and being in a relationship. You wanna know and communicate your value. You wanna be true to yourself. You wanna treat intimacy and commitment as a sacred thing. Who I apologize, I don't remember who was asking about saying that she got into a relationship after two weeks of knowing a guy. That is too short, right? You want to treat your intimacy and your commitment as something that's absolutely sacred because men value that very highly, more highly than you could possibly imagine. And a lot of women are like, oh, but men are afraid of commitment. No, they take commitment very seriously. And so men are committing to things that they know that they're not going to be able to live up to, right? That's what, for most men, they're not making a commitment because they know that they can't live up to that. So you wanna treat intimacy and commitment as sacred as something that's absolutely sacred. Don't just give it away. Don't just sleep around. Don't just give away your commitment. Don't just give away your intimacy. Another thing that you wanna do is partnership, right? We're all about partnership here. Men and women being together on the same page, having the same values and looking towards the future and being able to see a future where you're both on the same side where you can both grow together. That's why men commit is because they can look into the future and see the two of you growing and being together. And if you're not aligned in values, he's not gonna be able to see that. And then the last thing that I think you should do is surround yourself with other women who support you. And that's why I created the Forever Woman Formula. That's why you can go to the foreverwomanformula.com and get it for free because I want you to join our community. Our community, if you decide to stay, it's not free. It's $37 a month if you want to continue to stay a part of our community. But I wanted to give you all the materials for free because it's an absolute jungle out there. And if you want a relationship where you're valued and you're seen and you're cherished by a great man, I want to make sure that you have the tools available for you to make sure that you get into the relationship that you absolutely want. And I wanna make sure that you're not like, you're not having a lot of the problems that a lot of women are having right now. Women who are forever women, women that are in our program, they aren't women, their problems change. It goes from this, oh my God, this one guy, like he's doing this one thing and it's freaking me out and I'm losing my mind. And it goes to which guys should I choose out of all these guys that are pursuing me? And these guys are coming on really, really strong. What do I do to kind of back them off a little bit because there's all these guys that wanna get married to me and be with me forever, right? And that's the shift that happens when a lot of women go through this program and start incorporating and internalizing the system that I have is that they shift into this world where they are attracting abundance and they have all these men that are pursuing them for the type of relationship that they want and they go from the scarcity thing where they're just trying to cling on to this one dude to this openness of, hey, which one of these guys is gonna be the lucky guy that I'm going to choose and they're gonna fall in love with, he's gonna fall in love with you and he's gonna wanna be with you forever, which is why I call it the forever woman formula. So thank you so much for being here today. Thank you for being a part of my journey. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. Thanks for being a part of my journey too. I appreciate that. And make sure if you don't have it yet, go to theforeverwomanformula.com and pick up a copy of my program there. Thank you so much for being with us today and I will speak with you again soon. Goodbye.