 Hey guys, it's Liana and I'm here today to rant about Traders Blade by Sebastian de Kestel. Before I rant about it, it's been a hot minute since I was on here. I keep looking over there because your girl got a DSLR on Black Friday. So I spent most of my morning trying to figure out how to use it and I don't even know if this is going to work so I might just be talking to myself right now. Who knows? I'd actually recorded a video to go up during the holidays when I knew I would be away and be too busy to film and then something I said, it was a chatty semi-controversial type topic and the way I phrased something when I was editing it, I was like, this could be misinterpreted and I was like, do I just upload it anyway and just put something in the description that's like, so you know what I meant and I was like, forget it, I'm just not going to upload it. So it's been two weeks because that was the one I was going to upload in between and then I did it so you're welcome. I'm gonna film my wrap up today if all this goes well but I wanted to rant about this first so this will be in my wrap up but I just like then I won't have to like rant about it there too. I'll just direct you to watch this video and I've been wanting to rant about this for since I read it so I decided to do that first. So like I literally just like woke up and started getting ready to film so I'm having coffee like right now which it's not something I normally do, normally have breakfast and coffee and stuff and then film but no time. Oh inside note, this is, I talked about it in one of my other videos that I really like Bones Coffee so I bought their Christmas sampler and like it has a bunch of flavors that I probably wouldn't normally buy. It's weird. I know I keep looking over there and I've seen other people do this and now I know why. It's impossible not to look. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to look at the camera but no promises. Was I talking about coffee? Yeah. The Bones, maybe I should talk about this later. Who cares? Talk about it now. I had a lot of Christmas flavors like I wouldn't have bought but I was like it's something I'd like to learn and I was not excited about peppermint mocha, sorry not peppermint mocha. It's like peppermint bark or like white chocolate, I don't know, it's peppermint something. And I was like I don't really like peppermint and coffee but fine like let's have this like peppermint tea coffee and this doesn't even taste like peppermint. So now I'm disappointed even though I didn't want to taste like peppermint because I'm like where's the peppermint? It doesn't taste like peppermint. So fair warning, if you were gonna buy it because you really love peppermint it doesn't taste like peppermint. If you weren't gonna buy it because you're afraid of peppermint, it doesn't taste like peppermint. So the more you know. Okay. So the reason that I have gathered you all here today is to talk about Trader's Blade by Sebastian de Castel. This book I heard a lot about and everyone who likes like Liza Vlachalmora and other like banter-y high fantasy not necessarily heist but you know like the sort of musketeer criminals bantering type of deal they seem to like this book and I like those kind of books again like Liza Vlachalmora is one of my all-time favorites. So I've been wanting to read this for a while, I had an audible credit and I heard the clip and I was like this sounds pretty good so I listened to the audio book of this and did I read the same book that everyone else read? Like this has a really high aggregate rating on good reads. It's like four point something, it's like close to five and at first I really liked it. I really really did. The beginning like I was even telling people that I would talk to you about books that I was like I started reading this book and I really like it. It's really banter-y, I think it's gonna be great and then it just wasn't okay. I feel like my camera's not centered, I'm sorry. This is gonna be a terrible video because I'm just focused on this like tech stuff. Okay, we're gonna try to move it and I'm gonna ruin everything. It's fine. How's that? I don't know. I feel like it's better. Back to the terrible book. So yeah, if you've been wanting to read it to like I have, I'm here to tell you not to because what the actual fuck? To start out with it's totally what I thought it was going to be that it's like criminal banter-y type of situation. So basically it's about like this group that are called The Great Coats and they served this king that was like dethroned before this book starts. And so without the king there, like they are kind of like the musketeers and they specifically served the king. So they're basically like traitors now in the realm because like that trader or that king was deposed or whatever. So they're going around like just kind of trying to make a living or sell themselves but everyone like refers to them as traitors and blah blah blah and like everyone hates them. So our main character is Falchion of Elmond and he was like tight with the king. Like he was like the number one great coat dude and he's got some buddies who were also great coats. So they're like going around the country being hated by everybody which is fine. And that's like, it was like a really fun vibe at first. Like they were getting into scrapes, getting out of scrapes, bantering, there's some flashbacks to like how they got to be where they're at and how they learned to fight. And it was great. And the one positive thing I can say about this book is that the fight scenes are really well written. Like if you care about the kind of thing, like if you know anything about hand to hand combat and if you like a lot of that, there's a lot of that in there. But I don't think it's worth it to read it for that. But that was well done. Probably too much of that in here but that was well done. Okay. So why is this book so terrible? Oh my god, such major yikes. Okay. To start out with the reason, oh yeah this is going to be kind of spoilery but I feel like it doesn't matter because I'm trying to tell you not to read this so you're not going to read it. So it doesn't matter if I spoil you. If you still want to read this and you care about spoilers then I don't know. Don't watch this video. So you get in a flashback the reason that Falco like became a great code in the first place and the whole reason he was like a simple farmer peasant dude and then he like the some Duke guy or some rich dude came to his farm and was like have you paid your taxes? He's like yeah and he's like well you have a wife so I'm going to fuck her. And his wife is like it's fine like don't make a stink like this is awful but like let me just fuck these guys and they'll leave and it'll be fine. And then they like fucking her so much they take her away with them and then Falco finally gets his shit together and that goes after her and when he gets to where these guys took her they're all dead she's dead maybe they're not dead but she's definitely dead she's like super dead like full on like blood on the floor dead. So he's like enraged and he like goes off to try to kill anyone basically comes across the king and the king is like or the guy that is about to be king who hates his father because whatever it's like a long story but he's like look like if you hate the king I hate the king like you should like team up with me and be like my number one dude I can help you get vengeance like just like work for me like I can't bring your wife back but you know be my dude and he's like fine. So fine like I read that and I was like not super keen that the whole reason this guy went on his quest to become who he is is because his wife was raped and killed because we have seen this and I'm a little tired of women just being sex objects and then dying just to be like a reason for our main character to do something so I was like whatever like not super happy but it's fine like I've seen it it's done whatever so I was going along reading this book and then the fucking weirdest thing happened and it was just downhill after that um I don't even really know how to explain it because I'm still not really sure what happened I just it was super not okay so he's like on this like little mission thing obviously like not for the king it's like there's this girl that gets to protect like a little kid and they've gotten themselves like locked up in a prison and he's been like tortured a bit but they're like escaping and this woman she helps them escape and she is actually like part of some church where she's not a nun but she's like a part of the church and like the way they serve their god is like basically as prostitutes but like for their god to the point where like they do take money for like they don't just like say like I will pleasure you for my god they also expect to be paid like literal prostitutes and like the little girl is like why do you take the money and they're like oh it's because like men feel the need to pay for it and the little girl is like pretty sure they'd be fine with not paying for it like right but yeah so she helps them escape which is fine and whatever she can be a prostitute is fine but so she cleans up falco because he's like been tortured and shit and then he's like thanks and then she starts like making moves on him and he's like I'm good and she continues making moves on him he's like no like for real no thank you please stop and she's like you're just afraid of hurting me you're just afraid of like the evil inside you he's like okay well but no no no please no and she's like it's fine and she starts tying him up like his wrists and his ankles tied to the bed and he's like what's happening right now and she's like this way you won't hurt me so you don't have to be afraid and he's like what is happening and then he is fucking pooped from being tortured and imprisoned so like it's told from his perspective so he's like basically says that he like passes out from exhaustion about from being tortured and it's like at some point because she's grinding on him while he's passing out at some point while he's passing he's like some point his dick ended up inside of her he didn't really recall them how that ended up happening but it definitely happened and like that was their night and then he feels better the next day like it healed him but I was like you just got raped you literally just got raped and she's like I'm healing you it's for your own good and he's like okay so the next day they have to discuss payment because remember these ladies they take payment for being prostitutes for their god and he's like why don't I owe you for whatever the fuck that was she's like my family owns this island and he's like cool story brah and she's like I want you to be with me I want you to come to that island and be with me and he's like I'm kind of like in the middle of a quest right now like you know this little girl is with me like I'm we're kind of like in the middle of something so kind of don't have time right now like I appreciate it I'm super flattered but like I mean like now right now I met you yesterday and she's like you're afraid of happiness I thought that by raping you she doesn't say raping you I thought by raping you last night you'd finally like learn to be happy and like give up this life of misery and now you'd be with me but I can see you're not ready for happiness you still like hate yourself for what happened to your wife and he's like maybe but like also like I'm definitely in the middle of a quest right now so like later like when I'm done with my quest can can we then and she's like I guess and he leaves feeling like he let her down like he's like mad at himself for letting her down and I was just like you got raped and this woman of that yesterday is like give up your whole life right now and be with me and you're saying no which is totally reasonable and he's like man I should learn to be happy I was like what why so I was like super not okay with any of that so they move on and the whole rest of the book like everything else that I'd kind of been like meh like I started like paying more and more attention to it and like everything about it started like all the wheels started coming off of this wagon the world building that I was like I think this is kind of something interesting is happening here like the reveals that happen I don't even want to go into too much detail because like it doesn't even matter and I have to explain too much but the reveals are like make everything so much worse everything is such a huge coincidence and like the women are either like prostitutes or there's like this old woman who's like a hag or there's like the child so there's no women characters that are just like straight up women there's like evil witch women like old crone medicine women prostitute women and children there's no just like I don't they're like horrible portrayals of women just across the board like every version of horrible representation of a woman isn't there and I was just like okay and then like when there's like so many little things about it that started annoying me because like at first I was like giving everything a pass like overall it's pretty good like that's a little weird but it's fine it's not fine everything matters so stupid upon reflection like I originally gave this like three stars because at first I had liked it and then it went downhill so I was like that should average out to like a three cuz I was like into it and then it was like super not into it so like a three but the more I thought about it the angrier I got so I changed it to a one star cuz I was just like you know what fuck this book fuck this book like there's just like so much little stuff that like and then the author's attitude it just felt so smug like about the world-building stuff that I honestly thought was like a bit weak the way it was presented wasn't just like here's all the world set up it's like isn't this just so clever what I haven't done and I'm like now it's fucking that the great coats would go around like not just be like soldiers but like they were like law enforcers so they would like be judge and jury on like cases and like bring the king's laws to the people but like this part is the clever part they would sing the laws to the people and if they had a verdict they would sing the verdict so all of them had to be good singers this came up because they would sing and he's like we're all such good singers because you know this is what we used to do we had to like sing everything to the people so they would remember because they won't remember the verdict if you don't sing it so they can sing it back I was just like that's kind of really stupid like at first when he explained it I was like I guess that makes sense and then later like because it was an audiobook he was like literally singing this stuff and like when he's in prison he starts singing the laws and I was like it was kind of like a twist on the whole like if a soldier is captured and he starts reciting his like rank and like number and whatever it was like a twist on that except he's like fucking singing some laws and like I was like so dumb and then in like the big climactic scene like all of the reveals oh my god okay I forgot this also made me so mad throughout the book there's all these like people that like clearly are like more in the know like they kind of know what's up they've probably like put some things in motion and Falco's going around like fucking shit up just do whatever and they're like bro like you don't do you really not realize what's going on here and he was like I totally realized what's going on I know exactly what's going on and then he would say what was going on and it was like the other character would be like you really think that's all this is about so it's like obvious they know something like if they're saying that they're not going like oh yeah you do know they're like you really think that's what this is about and he's like yes I know that's what this is about I was like what's wrong with you I was like at the very least this person clearly even if they don't really know something they seem to think they know something so are you an idiot like if someone was saying that to me like you think that's what this is about my first question to be like well okay so what is this about am I what am I missing tell me he never ever says that like literally like five or six times some other characters like can you really think that that's what this is about or like do you really not realize what else going on here and he's just like I know what's going on and goes out and I was just like what's what wouldn't you ask at least if he had asked and the characters were like you'll find out I'd be like okay it's not his fault like they're being cryptic so fine he doesn't even ask I was like you're fucking idiot and then so finally the reveals are made they're like you remember how we were constantly saying that's not what this is about and they like reveal the thing and he's just like wow I had no idea I was like yeah cuz fucking idiot um and like it was such a mess like a mess so basically don't read this book like and I really oh my god it's seriously such high ratings and like other authors that like I respect like I saw like Mark Lawrence I think gave it like five stars and like people are just like oh such a great book and I was just like oh no no no no no what the fuck like this was terrible so terrible and not just like not my cup of tea just like objectively terrible so if you want to know how to not write a high fantasy book read Raiders Blade because it shows instead of or no sorry the other way around it tells instead of shows the characters are just like symbols the women are horribly represented the like everything that's like I supposed to be a twist is really just like a massive fucking coincidence and then okay like okay this is like the biggest twist of the story but I've already spoiled you for like a buttfucka stuff so like I'm just gonna spoil this too so by now you I should have convinced you to not read this so so this big so the king is dead but like before he died he told his like great codes to just like surrender just like don't find that just surrender it's fine I'll die and that he's hidden some secret something secret weapon or whatever around the country and they're like what is it he's like you're gonna have to find it and they're like can you tell us what it is cuz you're gonna you're about to die and he's like when you're least expecting it like you'll find it and they're just like fucking fucking dies and it turns out this little girl that Falkio just happened to spot when he just happened to be in the city where they just happened to be having this like horrible ritualistic massacre which oh by the way I forgot this book central to the plot of this book is the purge like literally the purge like the movie the purge where there's this city where for and it's not even one night it's like it's for like a nine days where like it's only during the night I think like during the day everything's fine but every night for those nine days like all bats are off you can kill anybody you want and it's like fine I was like this is literally the purge so Falkio is protecting this little girl throughout the purge because her family is dead and like his great coats are like we need to get the fuck out of here he's like no this little girl's gonna die if we just leak in my camera stop recording I don't know why cuz I don't know how this camera works so I think where I left off was yeah Falkio is gonna protect this little girl cuz he's like if I don't she's gonna die oh there's a countdown so it lets you record for 20 minutes at a time well that's handy okay we'll just look out for that now okay so where was I yeah so he's gonna protect this little girl and yeah so he's just he just happens to like see her and he just happens to now just decide that he's gonna protect her which why it's I mean it's fine and then the big reveal is that the this Prince King dude that he's so loyal to he went around just like impregnating a bunch of women because there's like question the whole time about the fact that she like might be a bastard or that like her mom had a lover and so like Falkio keeps saying that like that he thinks he knows who the lover was and that like that caused like a rift or that like there's some like bad beef between the nobles because of her fling the fling was with his king so this girl is of noble blood she's like an heir to the throne I guess which I was like okay the sober that's like honestly really creepy that he just like went around like making babies all over the place that was like his master backup plan and he's painted as being like this like scholarly really wise king that we're all really sad is dead I was like he's super gross okay that's wonderful and then like for real that was the plan like the odds that Falkio would actually come across this girl and actually fucking save her because again the king was super shady he told Falkioni first met him he's like I'll reunite you I'll reunite you with your dead wife and Falkio's like you can't but okay fine and I was like okay so the king named the little girl the same name as Falkio's wife which like comes up when Falkio first sees the girl that's kind of what convinces him to actually save her he's like I know it's irrational like I know she's not my wife but like hearing that name and she's clearly like this little girl in need so he's like fine I'm gonna like save her so literally because he's kind of a dick like he wouldn't have saved this little girl if she hadn't had the same name as his dead wife so the king basically knew Falkio would be a dick and not give a shit about some random little girl unless she happens to have the name of his dead wife and then it turns out that she's fucking princess and I was just like what what is happening what is this book like what even is this I don't understand so this book which gets like 4.5 on Goodreads which was supposed to be my next Elizabela Climora is garbage like just garbage I don't even understand like what how how I mean I understand how this was written I understand that part I don't understand why I was so well received just major yikes such major yikes like and it's not also no it would still be badly written because all those plot holes and twists and whatever and I could just badly written but like the representation of women I wouldn't be good but if this had been written like in Tolgen's time they didn't write grim dark fantasy then but you know what I mean like it wouldn't be good but I would get that like it's kind of like the old-school style of fantasy where women are not treated super well but this is a pretty new book it looks like 2014 was when it was first published 2014 like I'm pretty sure we're not doing this anymore like I've read older fantasy books that I think Lies of La Climora came out before that honestly I'm not sure about that so don't quote me on that but what is this I don't understand okay so I'm also super mad because I didn't get to a lot of the books in my TBR in November and I was I mean it's not entirely the fault of this book but obviously I spent time reading this book which could have been spent reading some of the other books on my TBR this wasn't even on my TBR it was just cuz I had an audible credit so yeah don't read that book if you're still watching don't read it or do read it but like hey read it cuz I'm not wrong about this like I defy you to like disagree it's so Witcher I'm sorry I think I have bookish Tourette's Witcher was written way before this I think it was the Witcher books were written in the 90s and they're Polish and I'm not saying that like Europeans are more misogynist but a 90s fantasy written in Poland I feel like would be much less progressive so if Witcher had really kind of iffy notions about women I'd be like I'm not okay with it but I get it but Witcher which when I film my TBR it's like mainly Witcher books it's a little dated in that respect a little bit but overall honestly so progressive so progressive even for today's standards so if Andrzej Sapkowski in Poland in the 90s could do this what the fuck is Sebastian de Castel's problem is that his real name unlikely anyway um let me know if you've read this book what you thought of it if you had planned to read this book please tell me that I've convinced you not to because don't it's garbage I'll see you in my next video