 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Astley of johnathastley.com, and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the non-sexual types of touches, physical touches men love. So we're gonna talk about those in a second. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. Occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence, and if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, then I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are just my perceptions and my opinions by no means do I suggest that this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. My hope is that I open up your consciousness in a way of looking at things a little differently because I am mostly a contrarian. All right, let's jump into those non-physical types of touches that man love touches, touches, touches, touches. Okay, so let me first set the stage here for a moment. When it comes to physical touch or any type of physical connection with the human being, I wanna suggest first and foremost that this is all about at your pace and what feels comfortable and safe to you. I'm gonna repeat that. So what I might be suggesting here today might be some things that you don't feel comfortable with. That's okay, okay? I'm just offering you some ideas and it doesn't, and it depends on what stage you are in a relationship with someone. Let me repeat that. It depends on what stage you are in a relationship. And while some of the things I'm gonna suggest today will be absolutely fine for a first, second, or third date, some of them might feel more comfortable with a little bit of physical touch some of them might feel more comfortable with for comfortable for you beyond the first, second, or third date might be something that you feel more comfortable with when you're actually in a relationship with someone. So I just wanna set the stage there for a moment. All right, in addition, I wanna talk about something that I've talked about in other videos and that is the understanding of what's called the 4A's. The 4A's. Now the 4A's are a multivitamin for success in a relationship. And what I mean by this is that daily multivitamin, so it's something you should take every day to have a truly successful relationship, okay? So the 4A's are attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. Attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. And what we're going to talk about mostly today happens to do in the area of affection because what is physical touch all about? It's about giving someone your affection. It's about demonstrating how you care about someone. I mean, and we do this with our friends, you know, it could be when we give someone a hug, certainly family members, when you give a kiss to one another on the cheek most likely, certainly with your children, how we like to hug them all we can and give them lots of affection because this is one of the ways we demonstrate love. I'm gonna repeat that through affection we demonstrate love. So going back to that daily multivitamin of attention, affection, and appreciation, today we're going to lean into that affection piece. And these are physical touches you can give to a man that lets them know that you're not only interested in them but you care about them. And let me just say this, what I'm also sharing can go absolutely in the reverse. This is something that men should be doing as well. So this isn't singular to, you know, a lot of the advice isn't that women do all the work in the relationship, men should be doing these things too. So let's just set that stage as well. This isn't, just because my audience is predominantly women and I'm speaking mostly about helping women understand men, this goes both ways in this conversation. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and we're gonna jump into the non, what is it the non? Men share non sexual types of physical touch that they like. Men share non physical touch, non sexual types of physical touch they like. And by the way, let me also share the disc. I actually watched this on one of my contemporary live streams actually several of my contemporaries have talked about this. And what's interesting is when I watch their videos, I'm like, yes, I like that, yes, I like that, yes, I like that, yes, I like that. So it just occurred to me that while what I'm about to share is something that the fodder came from another contemporary's website or YouTube channel, I'm just sharing it my own style, but the reality is this is what men have shared the types of things that they like. So the first one I wanna talk about is about lightly touching a man's arm, lightly touching a man's arm. And I actually witnessed this some years ago when I was out, I was having happy hour with a friend of mine, her name is Tammy. And we were out in an area called Manhattan Beach, which is a really nice area in Los Angeles. And I happened to be near where a friend of mine lives. So I called him up and asked him to join us. And at the time I was actually thinking about setting the two of them up. So there was actually a fortuitous thing happening there where he was available and he came down to join us for drinks. And we were sitting at one of those fire pit places where she and I were sitting on a couch and he was sitting on the couch next to us. So it was like a L shape. And I started to notice how she began after they were connecting, I mean, they were really hitting it off and about our into the conversation. It was mostly the two of them talking. And I was like, I felt like I was out, like I need to go, I was like thinking these two need to get a room. That's a little exaggeration, I felt like the third wheel. So, and I noticed that she was lightly touching his arm. And as I was sitting there witnessing this, actually I was feeling rather jealous. I was like, not because my friend's a friend, I didn't, not that she wouldn't have done it to me type of thing, I was jealous over. I was just jealous that he was experiencing that. And I noticed that I think she did it almost on an unconscious level. It was just, there was this magnetism between them. They were, and I really mean in a healthy way, this magnetism, but she was lightly touching his arm. And I actually experienced this a few years later when I was on a first date with someone who happened to be a Facebook friend, while this woman, I didn't pursue a relationship. She did the exact same thing to me. So I'm just sharing with you these, these are little things that men like, I asked him about it and he said he loved it when he later realized it. And it's almost on an unconscious basis she was doing this while they were talking. Okay, number two. And I think the two of them did this as well. I'm trying to recall, but playing footsie with a guy or actually brushing up against his leg, that's a great little way to show a bit of affection. I can't demonstrate it right now because I'm sitting down, but lightly brushing up against his leg or even playing footsie with a guy. I know that's very childlike and very sophomoric, but when you're actually in a relationship with someone or you're forging a relationship together, it's a cute, fun, flirty, almost childlike way to say, I like you. And I love those childlike ways of saying I like you because let's face it, we are now in a place where, oh my gosh, we're all so uptight with dating. I mean, it is just so riddled with a lot of anxiety and angst and jockeying for position and trying to make people like you and all that kind of stuff. And I think back to the high school days when dating just was fun. It had an element of fun because there wasn't the pressure of where this relationship is going. And there certainly wasn't pressure of getting married to someone or that expectation. So, and you're not dealing with someone's baggage, most likely in high school. So playing footsie is a very childlike, soft, more kind of thing to do, but it definitely shows affection and it shows it a fun, playful way. Number three, putting your hand on his knee while you're talking to one another, that's a great way to show affection when you simply just lightly put your hand on his knee. Now, from the perspective, you know, I just, as I shared that, I was thinking about for a moment, the me too movement, how about a man doing that to a woman? Well, certainly I think if a man is going to do that, he might have to feel like today we feel like we have to ask permission. But we men don't have that same boundary that women oftentimes have. So I'm here to say ladies, men tend to appreciate that gentle physical touch. And in reverse, it could seem like certainly we're obviously talking about in a dating environment, but I will say this, when it comes to touching for men, we oftentimes now feel like we have to get permission. And when it comes to women touching men, you don't need permission. I mean, unless someone is uptight and wants to create a cancel culture over the whole thing, men actually appreciate when women gently touch us in a respectful way, because it demonstrates that there is care, that there's interest, that there is this, maybe that there's a connection between the two of us. So, putting your hand on his knee. Now, here's when I had happened, it was on a third date with a woman. And I remember we were sitting somewhere and the way we were sitting, we were watching an event. We were watching like a concert in the park type of event. And she began massaging the back of my neck. And I just thought, oh my God, I loved it. It was a third. This was some years ago. This was a while back. But she lightly massaged my neck and boy did I need it like I do right now because those who've been following me know I wrenched my back a few days ago. I'm recovering. And, but lightly massaging someone's neck. I mean, let's face it, ladies, you like that, we men like that. It's great to get a massage. And it's certainly, and again, these are non-sexual. I mean, someone can interpret it as sexual, but these are non-sexual ways to connect with someone in a very light playful way. And nothing says I care about you like giving a massage. And I'm not here to suggest doing foot massage. I actually watched a TikTok video that said true love is when you give a foot massage to somebody who has stinky feet. And ladies, what I'm trying to say to you, if a man gives you a foot massage while you have stinky feet, that's true love, okay? And I know most of you are going, oh my God, I would make sure I'd clean my feet because I want to make sure it's pristine. But actually, if you want to test a man's love, have a massage your feet when it's stinky. All right, our next non-physical touch is grab his, grab him. Okay, so when you're walking with a guy, grab your arm around his arm right above the elbow while you're walking with him. So it would be simply like grabbing his arm while you're walking with him. That is a great way to show affection. Men don't necessarily like as much to hold. I think men are better served by holding a woman's hand and like showing that from a level of affection. And I think it's great when a woman grabs a man's arm above the elbow while they're walking, kind of bringing them tight in and that demonstrates a level of like, I want you to protect me. And since men are typically taller than women, not in all cases, especially now when women were six feet stilettos, you know, a five foot six woman with a five foot 11 guy, she could still be taller than them. But what my point is, it gives that feeling of like I want you to protect me. And this is a great way. And certainly men have shared that this is something we like. I know I like it when a woman does that and it demonstrates a level of affection and care. And certainly when we care about someone, we like these physical touches. So I hope you're gleaning some value here. Okay. Another thing is you can put your arm on his collarbone, you know, like it's, you know, places that are safe are places like these. These are little places you can touch men that demonstrate care. And last but not least, before we wrap up this section today, before we go into the Q and A, last but not least, and this is my all time favorite. And I want to share the backstory before I share what it is, but I'll never forget, I was on a date with a woman and we were having drinks and we were sitting across from one, no, we were sitting side by side with one another. And she said, this was some years back. And she said, Jonathan, you have gorgeous hair. Can I run my fingers through your hair? And I'm like, sure. And she did that. And then she said to me, you know what's really sexy, Jonathan? I love it that you do that. I love it that you do that. And by the way, most of you know, I frequently do that, I think because subconsciously, I think about the time she mentioned that, but there's just something about when, now here's the thing, ladies, I know as men age and midlife, their hairline starts to recede. So with bald guys, you can't do this. And certainly guys that have a limited hair, but certainly there are plenty of men like myself that have a full head of hair. I just happened to be lucky because I haven't gone gray yet. There's my mom and dad. I thank you mom and dad for giving the two most important things, women, love and men. And that is heightened hair. So I thank you too for that. By the way, those are pictures of my mom and dad. And so, but running your fingers through a guy's hair is a great way to demonstrate affection that you care. And it is actually really sexy when you do that to a guy. So I invite you, certainly you may not want to do it on a first, second or third date, but certainly once you've built up a relationship with a guy, this might be a great way to connect with them. So just to remind you with those four A's, attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance, we leans into today affection because that's demonstrating care. That's demonstrating interest. That demonstrates I like you. Physical touch is one of the, if you're not familiar with the five love languages, the five love languages, those are words of adoration or affirmation. By the way, I'm a Leo, it's words of adoration. So just compliment me and you're gonna win me over for us, Leo's words, physical touch, as I just shared, quality time, access service and gifts. Definitely check out this book. And I would say to you, if you had a man do a test, his physical touch is gonna rank one, two or three on his scale. Most everybody for men in particular physical touches usually in their either number one, two or three, for women it ends up on average, tends to be two, three or four on their list for the most part. And that's not an absolute, that's anecdotal from what I've observed but physical touch is one of those key ways to connect with someone. And I hope I've shared or helped glean some ideas for you to consider when it comes, whether you're on a first, second or third date or you've begun a relationship with a guy you can use. I wouldn't suggest using all of these at once and I wouldn't suggest all of these on a first date but certainly do what feels comfortable for you. And if none of these feels comfortable with you, that's okay too. You're just gonna be SOL because if you don't do it at some point, what the fuck is the point of being in a relationship? If you don't touch each other and let's get past this COVID stuff now. All right, time to jump into our Q&A. So for those that are familiar with my format and or those listening to the recording right now, this is only for those watching the live stream right now. We have a chat box in YouTube. You can post a question by writing the word question, put a colon and then ask your question there after with a question mark so I know what your question is or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat. All of the funds to the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. Those who know me know my son. There's a picture of him right there and they're right there. My son passed away a few years ago when I started the scholarship fund in his name to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development help. In fact, recently I gave away $1,000 to the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. And I'm also in the process of giving away some money to insight seminars, as well as discounting the cost of my coaching as well for those in need. All right, before I get started just really quickly before I take questions. So again, write the word question, post the question thereafter. And if you post the question I can't see it in the chat box, post it again. Really quickly, I did throw out my back a week ago yesterday. I actually did a live stream that day. I literally couldn't walk for about three solid days. It was painful. It's taken me another three days to get to where I'm at today. And while I still have some residual pain, I wanna thank all the love and support many of you posted on my community page. I wanna thank you all so much for that. And in honor of giving myself some taking a break of some I'm wearing my self love club t-shirt. And if those who know me know I wrote the book what the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work to take you down a path of inner peace. I believe the number one emotional health issue we're all facing is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable. And this is the journey I took to getting to a place of inner peace and my invitation. And by the way, all the books I recommend are listed below. And really quickly, if anything resonates with you I do want you to know if you wanna seek help from a coach there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, let's jump into the Q&A board. And we have Miss Hurricane as our first victim and I'm just kidding about victim, our store. All right, the question is Miss Hurricane says question. I started chatting with the guy I hadn't met in person but he kind of ghosted and popped back up and told me his mom passed away but he didn't kind of distance and I don't know what to do. Okay, great question. So this happens frequently when we're communicating so most people these days are meeting through an online connection. Most people these days are meeting through an online connection. So what happens is we're connecting through the internet and most of our communication is either emails, text messaging or telephone calls. And so in these cases where you begin chatting with someone it is very common to get distracted in your personal life on whatever is happening in one's personal life and disengage in communication. The reality is most of the time we are meeting total strangers we have no familiarity whatsoever. And let me just tell you something and this is as a man looking at women's profiles and I know women feel the same way. Most of the dating profiles these days are a fucking piece of shit. I'm sorry, the crap that's put out there you ladies do the stupid Snapchat filters and you do the sushi plate you just ate and you show a picture of the mountains because it's so important I see that you love the mountains. I mean, it's so important that I know about that. Look folks, dating profiles should be crisp, clear photographs of oneself. That's it, crisp, clear photographs of yourself, head shots, body shots. So the problem is is most of the time when I'm communicating with someone I'm like fuck I don't know if I'm gonna like if I'm gonna be attracted to this person. So I give minimal amount of effort and what happened in this case most likely is he wasn't enamored with your profile. Doesn't mean that there couldn't be that there. Let me repeat that. There might, there was certainly something that made him want to communicate but I'm telling you men only goes when they're feeling doubt when they only ghost or disappear in communication before you ever meet. Most of the time it's because your profile isn't stellar enough to hook them to go wow, I wanna meet this person. Folks, online dating, your profile should look so fucking wow that it makes, you should have thousands of men wanting to go out with you. That's how your profile should look and I gotta tell you something. I search through profiles every day and I see a wow out of one out of every thousand of women. Now I'd like to think I put together a wow of my own. I don't know but I'd like to think I did that because I'm seeking a woman that wants to put a great presentation of herself. But Jonathan, I shouldn't have to sell myself online. Yes, you do. This is your only, look at folks. The days of meeting organically is becoming harder and harder and harder. The reality is is in the future 98, 75 to 80% of all first dates are gonna happen through an online connection. We are on that path. So you have a choice. If you wanted to get a job, let's think about it this way. If you wanted a job with, let's say, I'm gonna pick Richard Branson. I'm a very successful supposedly a nice guy. If you wanted a job with his company and you were emailing him, wouldn't you put together the best resume ever? Wouldn't you want your resume to look better than every other person's resume out there? Sadly, most people put shit for their dating profiles and garbage in is garbage is what you're going to get. So you wonder why it's a clusterfuck out there? The problem isn't the online dating sites. The problem is people. And I'm talking to you people right there because 999 of you women have shitty profiles. And if you need support with that, check out a link below. You can schedule a call with me to review your profile so I can tell you how fucking shitty it is. All right, so going back to what do you do in this case? Look at you reach out to him and just recognize that this is the fact of the most important thing. Use my formula, three, two, one, three. Three, two, one, three. All right, you got it. Three email exchanges or text messages exchanges should lead to one or two phone calls and one or two phone calls should lead to one date and this should all happen in a three week period of time. If you're not meeting someone within three weeks or less, the likelihood of success begins to diminish. But Jonathan, it's a long distance. Yeah, long distance relationships are a clusterfuck to begin with. There's the exception to the rule but most of them don't work out because you don't have a plan of how to taking the long distance into short distance. So my rule of thumb, three, two, one, three. Only communicate with someone if you can get to meet them in three weeks. Go from a three email exchanges, two phone calls, one date, all in three weeks. That's my invitation and if you can't do it, then focus on people that can. All right, that's my rant. I hope you got value from that, Miss Hurricane. Thank you so much. All right. Weijin, hey Weijin, Weijin says, question. Do you recommend Joe dispenses breaking the habit of being yourself? Any keys you took away from that book? Where is that book? Funny you should mention that. This is my library right here, right there. Breaking the habit of being yourself. I love Joe dispenses work. I love Joe dispenses work, folks. If you wanna start breaking the habit of feeling unhappy, if you wanna break the habit of not feeling good enough, feeling unloved or not feeling likable, I highly recommend reading this book. By the way, links below to all Jonathan recommends books. This is a great book to begin working on your inner peace. Now, I wanna share with you an additional book that this is my Bible. This is called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. This helps you learn how to talk to the voices in your head, the monkey voice, the roommates, the sorority or fraternity that you have in your head. This book teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head and I highly recommend getting this book after you purchased my book. What the heck is self love anyway? Thank you. By the way, just a reminder, you can purchase a super sticker, super chat at any time to show that you're appreciation. So yes, Weijin, thank you so much. That's a great book. I appreciate that you brought it up. So thanks again. All right, let's go swim in. Elaine says, core values and personality are highly important. Yes, indeed. You've lost weight, Mr. A, that's my impression. Actually, I'd put on a couple pounds since my back hurt. All right, we're gonna do another one from Weijin. Let's make sure. Catherine says, you're definitely a wow, Jonathan. Thank you. Gina says, you sound spot on with these views. You chime in with another relationship coach who says, that's with one dating profile. One is holding the mic to one's mouth. I think I understand what you mean, but thank you. All right, let's see what else is here. All right, Weijin asks another question. Jonathan, how do you find balance from sharing enough of your past to let another understand my background and not let them use it against me later two years if we're in the middle of a disagreement? You know, it's funny. I'm reading this and I'm reminded of my ex-wife and she was an elephant. I swear to God, she could remember every word I ever said in the 15 years we knew each other or we're in relationship with one another. 12 and a half of that was marriage. And she would definitely use my words against me. It is a very human thing to use our words against one another. So to the extent that's a very immature way of approaching relationships. And yet it's a very human way, especially when we're heated in a fight, especially when we're feeling angry, especially when we're feeling unappreciated. It is very common to do that. So this isn't really an issue of sharing about your past. And by the way, I do have a video coming out shortly on that, but here's the thing. I'm, so I'm a big believer of vulnerability, authenticity and transparency. I'm gonna repeat that. Vulnerability, authenticity and transparency. And I'm a believer of being rather forthright earlier rather than later to see if two people are on the same page to see if two people are on the same page. So I have a confession, just a couple, was it? Yesterday, I had a telephone call with a woman who happened to recognize me. So she wrote me on my match profile. She recognized me. And while she's a long distance relationship and I'm not necessarily sure I'm interested, we ended up just getting on the phone and chatting. And since I was in a, you know, I was actually in a place of what Tom Cruise in the movie, Risky Business said, I was in a what the fuck moment. In other words, what the fuck? In other words, like, I'm not gonna care about the outcome if I'm from the premise of being vulnerable, authentic and transparent. What I mean by not care is I wasn't going to allow the fact that in a moment I was gonna share with her some very vulnerable things about me. I felt safe enough myself to share some vulnerable things. So we played a game of 20 questions. And it was like we, I shared, I asked her a question and I asked some deal breaker questions, some really core value deal breaker questions. And I invited, so she, I asked a question, she asked a question, she asked a question, I asked a question. We went back and forth, we ended up talking, well, a couple hours it seemed like. But the thing is, we started to check the bot. We started to eliminate that the things I was asking was trying to get the deal breaker questions asked on very early on. Now, we do plan on meeting because she happens to be coming into town. I have no expectation of what's gonna happen because I'm typically not interested in a long distance relationship, but I'm also a friendly person. And when you make kind of a new friend, I think it's appropriate to me or it can be appropriate to me. So my point in sharing this is I'm a big proponent of sharing vulnerable things. And she actually shared something very vulnerable with me that several years prior she was rather overweight and she went through a regiment of losing weight. And the reason why she shared this with me because there might be some photographs of her that I might see at some point, I didn't want, she didn't want me to freak out. And I really appreciated her vulnerability in sharing that with me. Folks, I'm a big proponent, certainly I'm not gonna share every secret that I have in my life with someone brand new. I'm not a big believer of that. I believe that trust is a personal thing and inner thing. In other words, I don't put my faith in others for trust. I put my faith in myself. So I divulge what feels safe for me and my invitation when it comes to our, for lack of a better word, our baggage, our luggage, our past, I think it's important to feel safe within yourself. And one of the things I was vulnerable with her happened to be about the loss of my son. And I got very emotional over that. And as a man, that could be a sign of weakness. So why would you wanna demonstrate weakness, Jonathan, on a first phone call? Because I don't believe it's being vulnerable isn't weakness. I believe vulnerability is strength. And if you're not familiar with the work of Brene Brown, I highly recommend getting the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, Daring Greatly. And one of the things she talks about is vulnerability is the true essence of courage. Let me repeat that vulnerability is the true essence of courage. And so I'm a big proponent of speaking your truth just like chapter one in my book, Speak Your Truth, do it with kindness. And chapter nine states if it's sincere and from the heart, if it's from a heart center place, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So could the sharing that come back and haunt you later? Perhaps a fucking Lutely. But you know what? That's just part of human nature. But Jonathan, only narcissists do things like that. Oh my God. How many times have I heard the bullshit narrative that everything is about narcissism? Folks, everything isn't about narcissism. I recently took a test on narcissism and I failed on it. Eight out of eight things I've done because if we parse parts of our lives, we all have selfish behavior. We all have stuff that can be inconsiderate. The most important thing is, are you grown up to handle mature conversations? Do you take responsibility for your choices? Do you not a fight there? Are you, do your actions match your words? Are you vulnerable, authentic and transparent? And do you have a level of empathy? So I'm here to say folks, trust yourself when it comes to sharing your past. Know what is, and by the way, you certainly don't wanna share something that you don't want on social media the next day, but certainly share what's vulnerable to you because honestly, intimacy is how we connect with another human being. Intimacy, into me you see. I'm gonna find a book here. Where is it? Bear with me folks. Where is that book? Of course I can't find it when I want it. The book is called Oral Sex. Here we go. Oral Sex. Oral Sex. Talking and listening your way to passionate intimacy. Folks, there is a distressing lack of intimacy in the relationship process. And if you wanna build greater intimacy with your partner, then I highly recommend reading this book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis instead of this book, The Rules, which is all short-term manipulative ways to hook a guy temporarily until he disappears because bullshit manipulativeness doesn't work. So to end on this note, Ouija, I'm here to suggest be vulnerable, authentic and transparent to whatever feels comfortable and safe for you and recognize we're all gonna use shit against one another. That's what happens when you get angry and I wouldn't get too upset about it. Great question. Thank you so much for that. Truly appreciate it. All right. Colleen says, love, passion and intimacy. Way to go. Jennifer says, I just connected with a guy 10 years younger than me. We shall see. Well, we should all see. Keep us posted. Gut and intuition always just saying exactly. Narcissus is the word of the month. Oh, it's the word of the decade. I mean, everybody's a fucking narcissist. I'm so, oh, that's how I feel about every time I hear it. And not to diminish people's true. If someone has been verbally abused or has had true breakdown, here's the thing. There are certainly manipulative people out there. I don't wanna discount that, but the most part is most human beings are good people. We're just bad daters and a lot of people are just myopically selfish. That doesn't make them narcissist. But certainly if someone has felt wounding in their life, I highly recommend doing inner work. And if you need some help, I highly recommend doing the Hoffman process, which is a deep dive into childhood wounds and traumas so you can to heal your negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your adult life. All right. Great question. Thank you so much. Colleen says, great content. Thank you, Jonathan. So grateful for how real you are. I love the books you suggest. Thank you so much. Sherry says, not narcissist again. I know, but everybody talks about it incessantly. I'm getting tired of it. And Weijan says, thank you so much for sharing. I'm grateful for you. Thank you so much, Weijan. All right. If you have a question, purchase a super sticker or super chat. And Jane jumped in. Question. Why would a man repel himself away from me and run away? I have known him since we were kids. We were chatting. I touched his arm and he screamed no and ran away. I guess I crossed the boundary. So he's a pussy. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. That was inappropriate of me. He screamed and ran away. What the fuck? I'm sorry. That just seems, for someone who is a friend to scream and run away, seems like such a, okay, okay. There's two things going on. A, he has a deep wound and it triggered him. It's most likely what happened, deep wound and trigger him. But to scream and run away, my other thinking is maybe he puts you in the friend zone and just that physical touch really affected him. I know with a lot of people when they put each other in the friend zone, they don't do physical touch because it implies a sexual touch. I'm not, I have no idea why he did it, but I'm here to say anyone who runs away from physical touch is most likely someone who's incapable of being in a romantic relationship at that time in their life. So I'm sorry that happens to you. My only guess is A, it triggered something inside of him. B, he felt like it compromised your friendship. And so it's, and whenever someone feels compromised, they typically run away because they don't know how to face it from a mature adult way. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading the book, how to be an adult in relationship, how to be an adult in relationship. In addition, ladies, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. And let me refrain that before it repeatedly goes inside the vagina on a regular basis, you should be reading this book. All right. Thank you so much for that question, Jane. I hope I helped. Thank you so much. All right. Let's go swim in. Do we have any questions? Janet says, thank you for the content you present. It's more apropos to more mature lifestyle. Yes, indeed. Folks, I understand you're getting a lot of dating advice from 20 and 30-year-olds or even 40-year-olds who got married in their 30s. Look it. I've been married and I got divorced. I went through alimony, child support, visitation, rights, family court. I went through the loss of a job. I went through loss of a child. I was in a significant relationship and that didn't work out. I'm here to say that my life experience understanding relationships is far greater than someone who got married in their 30s who's been married for a decade or two and they know one way, okay? And none of these people have had to deal with the swipe dating that's going on today. Most of the coaches out there who have been around for a while have not dealt with the bullshit we're dealing with right now. So the difference is I actually not only am experiencing it with you, I'm empathizing with you because I'm saying to myself, what a fucking mess it is out there. And believe me, I wish there was an easier way to do this, okay? There's not. It's gonna take some hard work. This is why I set up my private coaching. By the way, the link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you. My coaching is all centered on teaching you how to pre-qualify your prospect. Folks, dating is a prospecting. It's not a numbers game. It's a prospecting game. And the better you are at prospecting, would you rather go out with a hundred guys that go nowhere or would you like to eliminate those hundred men down to five that have potential? That's what I teach in my private coaching. So check out a link below to see if that works for you. All right, thank you so much. Weijin just gave a $1.49 super sticker. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. All right, Declan's world, question. How to engage online men when all you do is reference your looks? All they do is reference your looks and doesn't do it in a respectful way. You know what, I'm a little bit picky. I'm gonna be candid with you on a personal note. I had a woman email me the other day and she said, hi, Jonathan. And I wrote back, hi, Marie. And then nothing happened. And I put a smiley face after the hi. So I matched her words. And then a few days later, she goes, how's your day going? I go, my day's great. How's your day going? You know, the point is it bored the fuck out of me. You know, then I got a text message, an instant message from a woman who wrote this long message. I really liked your profile. I liked this about it. She asked me some questions. She was curious. She was inquisitive. That's the one that engaged me. Folks, if you want to engage with a man, try my acronym called NICE, N-I-C-E. Use their name in a sentence. That's the end. Ask a question that's inquisitive. C, throw in a compliment about them. And E, emoji or enthusiasm. Show some enthusiasm. The only way you're going to shift the narratives is ask deeper questions. So, you know, you might want to ask them a personal question. Go deep. You know, how do you feel about commitments? That might be a great, you know what? Why are we so fucking afraid to ask deep questions right from the get-go? How do you feel about commitment? Are you interested in a committed relationship? Make the guy jump through a couple hoops. The guys who jump through a couple hoops are more likely to be serious than the guys who are passively just, you know, testing the water. So, I suggest ask deeper questions right from the get-go. All right, that's a great question. Thank you so much. By the way, this is going to be our last question for the day because my back is killing me, folks. So, please send some love. I'm not healed 100%. So, this is the longest I can sit right now. So, Sadie's going to be our last question of the day. And question is, Jonathan. I went on a date with a guy whose girlfriend had recently left him. He was miserable and wanted to talk about her. What is the best time gap for dating men after a breakup? Oh my God, this is a great question. So, this reminds me of, I'm going to share a story and that this happens to be more of a dating question, but I'll never forget right after my divorce, I was online dating and I met this great, I mean, I was really attracted to this one gal. She looked like Michelle Pfeiffer. I was like totally smitten. And she wrote me because my profile said I'm divorced. So, she asked me how long I'd been divorced. And I said, well, I'm actually just separated. We're going through a divorce. And she wrote me back. She said, well, contact me in 18 to 24 months after you've had one or two transition girlfriends. And I go, wrote her back. What are you talking about? And she goes, you're not ready for a relationship. And I go, no, I'm ready, I'm ready. I was in an unhappy marriage and you know, I'm so ready, ready, ready, ready. Sure enough, I met a woman a few months later on a dating app and we started to date. And three months into dating, I was so not ready for a relationship. I did the total dysfunctional moonwalk and pulled away. I didn't ghost. I mean, we had a very amicable ending and we actually eventually became Facebook friends and she got married. By the way, I had this, she got married shortly after me. By the way, anyone who dated me, literally the next man they met, they got married too. I had the whole good luck Chuck thing going for the longest time. I don't know if I still do, but my point in bringing up this story is it takes time to heal after the ending of a relationship. I know when I was in relationship with my ex-girlfriend, it took quite a bit of time to heal from that ending of a relationship. So we naturally, oftentimes humans immediately jump back online dating men and women alike because there's a hole in our life. There's a hole when somebody's gone. And we wanna fill that hole right away with some attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance, but most the time until we've actually healed the relationship, I'm a big believer. I don't wanna date anyone whose relationship is, they haven't had a significant relationship in over six months to one year. And preferably they don't communicate on a regular basis. I have no problem with someone being friends, but I just would prefer that they don't communicate on a regular basis. That's two of my criteria. And Sadie, that's the way I approach it, six months to one year. And preferably not that they can't be family and friends with their past lover, but I'm not a big proponent of them having regular communication. And by the way, when you break up and people start to date other people, the communication does dissipate. So Sadie, thank you for that question. Okay, we just sent a message. I don't know why the Super Sticker only sells $1.49. I wanna show my appreciation more than that. Please rest well and be well. Thank you so much. That's so sweet for that super chat. I think you purchased, so thank you so much. Actually, anyone who wants to purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat, just a reminder, it goes to a scholarship fund in the name of Connor Asley. So I'd appreciate it if you invest a little bit in Connor. I'd be so grateful because you're investing in someone's growth. Folks, I'm gonna wrap up. Oh, there's one more. Colleen says, I'm great. I am so grateful I was able to tune in tonight, Jonathan. Love and appreciate you, Sher. Hope your back heals quickly. Thank you so much. Folks, I'm gonna wrap up this evening. Again, if you find value in my work, schedule a discovery call with me. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Check out all the books I talk about, including my book, What the Heck is Self-Love? Anyway, listen to my podcast and join my mailing list. And again, if you'd like some support, reach out to me. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic John the Merrick of Self-Love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, and give it or them a hug of love, because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Bye, everyone. Have a great night.