 Well we're going to get into it again. I am opening up again about some of the things that are going on in my life. This is a follow-up from my previous video which will be linked below when I talked about how life isn't perfect, when life just sometimes isn't perfect. And I hope that you do enjoy that but let's get into a little bit of an intro first and then we'll get into the video. Hi my friends and thank you so much for joining me again. I'm going to be putting on this full face of makeup and talking to a little bit about what's going on in the fam and what is happening in my life. This is a follow-up to that previous video where I talked and opened up about that I do have several health struggles. Let me just really quickly recap what I do have. For health myself I have a condition called POTS Posteril Arthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. It means that when I stand up my blood pressure goes down a little bit but my heart races it kind of is where the sympathetic and the autonomic nervous system are not talking to each other. So I feel very lightheaded. I've passed out several times. They're still working on that and trying to help me but I am coping with it a lot better than I was before. I do have left bundle branch block on my heart which I developed after having COVID originally at the end of 2020. I also have an inherited palsy that I talk about more than anything on my channel because my handshake's so bad and I'm being checked out right now for Parkinson's which they obviously really don't think that I do but they have to rule that out. I have trigeminal neuralgia in the side of my face which is a horrible searing pain for me that goes down. It has three branches right here on this nerve that goes around your face and for me it's like somebody put a hot knife in there and twisted. Thankfully that is something that comes and goes. It's not there all the time and I suffer with migraines which I know so many of you do too. I only tell you all of that to try and help you understand where this video is coming from. My mental health issues very quickly I have had chronic depression my whole life. I was married to a narcissistic abusive alcoholic for 25 years that he abused my kids and I very badly and so I developed even more depression from that but I also have PTSD from that. I also have social anxiety disorder. I also have panic attacks very severe panic attacks that I can't seem to get away from and yeah could there be anything else? I'm sure I'll talk about it in the video but those are the things. Right now I'm going to tell you that I'll put a timestamp right here because right now I'm going to tell you about my clothing and my jewelry a couple other things. There's a timestamp right here that the actual video where I start to apply the makeup will be so you can go and you can take a look at that. I know I'm talking really fast but I don't want this to be very long. So I'm going to show you my clothing right now. My shirt is all kinds of fun. This is just a regular t-shirt. It's got this really bright happy summertime print on it. It's very light very airy. You guys know I love my t-shirts but I also love them to be a little bit more dressy and so I try to dress everything up a little bit and try to show you what I wear because I know that so many of you have enjoyed seeing that. Now these look like they would be super heavy but they're hollow and they are a gold plated earring and I love these. I absolutely love these. They come in a bunch of different sizes. They come in gold silver and rose gold. I have the bigger ones in rose gold. Absolutely gorgeous. This is just a little chain that I got very recently and it's just sparkles like crazy and I really really love it. My rings my finger and a posh. It's green to match my eyes today I guess. It's like a celery green. I really like it. I will make sure all of those things are linked below for you and talking about links right here on the screen. I will put a number that corresponds to whatever product I'm using at the moment. I'm not going to go in-depth in products. I'm going to be talking more about my life in this video. So the product that I'm using at that moment will have a number right here that corresponds to it. Don't worry about remembering what product I'm using but if you're interested in the product, remember the number. Go down and open up the description box and down in the description box there will be that number. Say it's number three. Next to number three will be that product that I was holding up and if I have a specific color that I was using that color will be there for you too along with the links that you can shop that way if you'd like to and yes those are affiliate links and I appreciate you using them so much and that was a very long-winded intro I know but let's get into the video so you can see how I got this look and also we can chit chat just a little bit about life and the things that have gone on in probably the past few months since I did that last video for you guys. So love you so much and here we go. So the last video I did I know that a lot of you noticed that I was really happy in and I had such a good time with that video it was the 20 worst products and then I showed you some alternatives that I really liked and it was a fun video it was a really fun video. Since then, since that happened, I lost one of my dear precious aunts. So this particular aunt is the one I grew up with because her kids are the same age as I was and her son her middle son is actually only nine days older than I am. Anyway, she about a year ago even before my dad got real bad and got sick she had a massive stroke and they didn't think she was gonna make it then. She lived another year while she started to bleed somewhere that they couldn't find very recently and we lost her about five days ago as of the recording of this video. She wasn't just my aunt she was my second mom and so even though we were relieved not to see her suffering anymore because she had had such a bad year and it's just been about five months since we lost my dad so it's just been a very difficult thing to cope with and to try and deal with. I'm trying out the new Anastasia Beverly Hills palette, the new nouveau palette. I'm gonna be doing a really simplistic look with it. Anastasia Beverly Hills eyeshadow primer. So what happened with my dad was so hard and you know he had a really traumatic death. Well you know she kind of went through the same thing but hers was so prolonged and we're just so sad for her family and my cousins and it's hard because my dad seemed to go really quickly and that was just something that we weren't expecting right that at that point and so yeah so that has happened since then. The other thing that has happened is my grown son who I think the last time on the last video when we were talking I was telling all of you that my grown son just had foot surgery and he stays with us because he does have some other disabilities anyway but those scooters where they prop their one leg up and they kick with the other leg and go he actually fell off of that thing about a month after that surgery and he fell over the top of it and he ripped his shoulder completely apart. Now he has to have surgery on that shoulder so he had to have six weeks of no not being able to put any weight on that foot so there was no way for him to get around. I mean it was just like it was it was so bad anyway so he had about three weeks of not being able to do anything. Well in that three weeks he started feeling really bad like he couldn't breathe and like he was having some pain in his deep and his lungs and then some pain in the leg that was operated on and he goes into the doctor and they find a blood clot a medium to large blood clot in each of his lungs and then they find one behind the leg. So that was like such a blow because now he can't have surgery on his shoulder until the blood clot's clear and that takes six weeks. I mean this has been ongoing this has been a long time because my son was operated on back in February. So this has been a long time in all of this happening and it just has gone on and on and on and you could have knocked me over with a feather when I found out that he had those blood clots. I was just absolutely blown away and of course you know blood clots were so scary well immediately on you know had gone blood thinners and you know he had to become active well thankfully in the meantime he could begin to put weight on the foot that was operated on so he began to walk around with one crutch on his good arm and then you know putting most of his weight onto that so he's that's what he's been doing one crutch with the boot. So long story short the foot has not healed the way it's supposed to. There's still a hole in the foot exactly the way that the doctor had originally operated on it hasn't healed at all. So he has to leave the foot in the boot for the indefinite future and then they have to go in and operate on this level 9 tear. There's 1, 2, 10 in tears that you get and how the doctor assesses it. It has to be operated and pulled together in I think they said five ways so it's going to be a very long operation and a very long procedure and it just it's all knocked me it's all been like I don't know how much more you know I don't know how much more and so we're just holding our breath and we're just waiting sorry I should have showed you what I was putting on my eye. Waiting for that surgery which should come about in about three weeks now because finally the blood clots have cleared and so we have been about you know it was just right after dad my dad died that my husband well my husband was operated on for his knee two days before my dad died and then my son had to be operated on three weeks after my dad died so and I got COVID in there so it was just like it was really bad and now my son has to have all this extra stuff happen and he is now just waiting and trying to get things going because he's been in all this pain with an 119 tear for four months then he'll have to have his foot something done with his foot because his foot isn't healing and nobody knows why so long story short I lost my aunt this week and life has not been as good as it was last week when I made that nice video. I'm gonna take this green right here really pretty green on my finger and I'm just gonna put it right out here little ways and this is the NYX Glam shots new liquid eyeshadow and this one is in grapefruit in the midst of all that and all of you know and this is gonna even kind of further along what I talk about in the midst of all that I am having major major anxiety is so hard to cope with all of this when you have depression and PTSD and I can tell you that losing my dad I didn't think that it was gonna be as hard as it has been I even and I don't even want to say this because this is such a horrible thing and and it's not like I don't go see my mom but to see my mom without my dad they were together for 70 years in June we spread his ashes on June 1st on their old place where they used to live and they would have been married 70 years on that day to go and see my mom without my dad is it's hard because it's like it's half it's half of what my whole life has been it's not whole anymore and so to see that now I really like this I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna probably go over top of it because I wanted that to be just a little bit brighter than it is and it's turning out to be almost pink whereas I wanted it to be more silver I'm also gonna take some of this purple on this fluffy brush and just kind of I don't know experiment a little bit I guess with this I love purple anyway and I should have probably started with it but I didn't and then on my finger I'm gonna take this color right here which is kind of a celery green it's actually the color of my of my finger no polish okay so where was I so we're about to hit a hundred thousand and I'm so excited about that and I I'm trying so hard to do three videos a week but three videos is not gonna happen for me it's gonna be two for the foreseeable future because I just there's too much and there's too much going on in my personal life and trying to juggle my health I'm actually taking just a little flat brush little fat flat paddle brush and dipping it into there and I'm going through menopause we all know that and so depression comes with that depression comes with losing a loved one depression comes with major illnesses depression is overwhelming and we all know this and last time I talked about how hard it has been to have mental illness and people not realize what you have I'm gonna start with my foundation now this is the new IRL filter for makeup revolution long wear foundation breathable soft matte this is the new one so IRL means in real life I think anyway so I'm taking one pump I'm doing two different foundations for you guys today so I'm gonna try that one out by the way I don't have a tan right now because I got a little burn on my arm the other day just from some water and I needed to let that burn rest so I took I've let my all of my tan go for now so I have all those chronic conditions myself and then to try and deal with or cope with a husband and a son and help my mom she's 86 and also deal with my other health conditions which many of you already know I have pots and I have tried getting one on their algea on this side of my face which is it's not constant it's more like it flares all the time I don't know if I like that foundation it's not the greatest okay so on the other side I'm gonna try the number seven restore and renew this is their new foundation I'm gonna try that on the other side a lot of days I just kind of sit in my bedroom in my bed and I did a lot of crying for a long time especially over my dad and then I did a lot of crying over what my son is gonna have to cope with I'd rather have it put on me give it to me because you know as a mother I'm sure that all of you can recognize that it is so hard to watch anybody you love go through something and he's just gone through so much and that did not cover anything I'm gonna have to use another pump and we will see how that does that hardly covered at all so I'm kind of disappointed with that especially considering how much I love it makeup revolutions foundations normally this is really a light coverage and yeah I don't think I'm liking it not very much I was picked up this say new concealer I haven't tried this before either we're gonna try it right now oh I can tell you right now I've already started to put this on and it feels greasy and thick and I'm not gonna be able to use that let me just see what happens when I go like this a little bit I can tell you right now that that is way too thick and way too emollient I'm gonna go grab my Kosas concealer and put it on this side to save the half of the look I can tell how smooth that went on that it's just gonna be really easy to deal with but this when I start to blend that out that's gonna be a mess if you watch any of my other tutorials you know that I just wait for that to dry down a little bit and I'm gonna do my eyebrows okay my eyebrow on this side got a little bit at hand so I'm gonna go in here and I'm just gonna clean it up with this this is the easiest way for me to clean something up like that also purchased the cream bronzer from Nars and this one is in Laguna it was the coolest one they had and I'm just using a fan brush to do my warming up of my face with it so after my aunt died I just kind of retreated into myself for the past week and I haven't I mean I've uploaded that video because I'd already had it done but now we're back to these kinds of videos and I know you guys it's hard because I know people just don't like to watch people that are you know constantly saying well I have this wrong have that wrong have something else wrong and I get that but this is my real life this is my reality I am not an Instagram star that everything looks perfect on because my life is not perfect it never will be I have challenges that most people could not even imagine and then I have people in my life with challenges that have that too that I'm a caregiver for so any of you that oh I knew it as soon as I put that sponge on there it took away all of that makeup that is a no-go folks that is a no-go I'm gonna put my tried and true Kosas back on this side to try and fix that and you're gonna see when I start to blend out the other side how much better that will be that's absolutely amazing you can see how it just it went on perfectly so when I talked to you guys last time it was a lot about you know hidden illness and I feel like depression is one of those hidden illnesses for me it is anyway a lot of people have no idea that I have depression and that you come on here and you see me for 20 minutes and I don't ever want to portrayed to you woe is me every single time you get on the camera because that would be horrible for you and I love doing makeup and that is the title of this video was chronic depression in my makeup obsession and the fact that I can do my makeup and escape from my depression for a few minutes just it makes me so happy and the fact that I can share with you what I love that makes me happy too the fact that I can actually have the opportunity to make a living doing this is just phenomenal my hair was out of control so I had to go put it up before I wanted to pull it out yeah that wouldn't have been a good thing so I went I put it up I'm using some Palladium blushes I just showed these very recently in a video actually before I do that I better use my new Sungasm from Catrice the size this pan of this highlighter is that insane or what so I'm just using one of the real techniques brushes and I'm just gonna put that on my high points of my cheeks I mean is that same brush and I'm just gonna pick up some of that blush so I'll let you know after my son has his surgery how things go fingers crossed everything's gonna be better once he gets his actual arm operated on because honestly that's the part that we're worried about the most and if we can get that arm okay then we can work on the foot and my granddaughter is wonderful she came my daughter and her husband came and they spent a whole week with me like I guess that was around the end of May that was so much fun and that little girl is she's just a pill she has flaming red hair and blue eyes and she's just absolutely beautiful my other son and his wife they live in Florida they're doing pretty good he's kind of battling with his diabetes that is hard my kids don't have the kind of insurance that they can get pumps for so it they all three have been injecting ever since they got it and the my middle son is the one that's had at the longest and he's going on 25 years I'm going to take the Physicians formula rose all day I'm gonna take this new fluffy brush I just got from Sydney Grace I ordered their brushes when they came out and I'm gonna set set my under eyes tiny tiny bit I love that powder to set my under eyes with it so pretty now I'm going to take the butter believe it powder that Lisa J raves about and I'm gonna just kind of set everywhere else just a tiny bit as well especially in these places where I have you know what I don't like about this the fragrance is so overwhelming it has been such a long time since I actually did the video but I really wanted to update you on what life was like and you know how things were going and yeah just kind of you know one day at a time I'm sure that you all can attest to that one of the things I wanted to talk about really quickly before I go anywhere is when I was when I read through all the comments on that video first of all I love every single one of you I had thousands of comments on that video and those thousands of comments were all about how much you could relate to what I was saying because you'd gone through so much of it I think we as women we go through so much in our lives that we have a tendency to build up this tolerance to the level of where we're just on hyper alert all the time I have that I'm on constant fight or flight right I that's what I do all the time fight or flight fight or flight and I'm always ready for the next big thing the next challenge the next what's the next hurdle gonna bring right and so that was one of the things that was so hard for me during all of this is I kept trying to back away calm down and there was just no I mean you know one thing after another and so the past six months have been hell I think it's okay for me to say that they've been really hard they've been really difficult and I know that so many of you have lost loved ones in the same amount of time and my heart goes out to you because we are all battling first we had to battle COVID and we had to battle shortages and now we're having to battle our finances and gas prices and mass shootings and then you know oh my goodness does it end and it's just like no I guess it's not gonna end and I can't talk and line my lips at same time we'll be right back and that's a rumble liner by the way and it's just gonna keep going Maybelline lipstick all of these will be put down below as I told you in the intro wet and wild mega slicks so bottom line I feel like this is all of us all of us are in the same boat we're all living with a new normal we are all trying to stay afloat and not lose our minds in the interim of that and I think that you know getting together and doing makeup is so cathartic for me it just feels good to be able to put on makeup every day I want to do something positive and I want to do something that builds me up before I can take care of anybody else and makeup does that for me as most of you already know from all of my videos and everything that I've ever shared with you it just even though it is my obsession and it is what I do for a living I absolutely love makeup and I have loved it my whole life I have done some formal training in the past with companies that I've worked for but I have not been classified as a makeup artist but I do feel like I have a lot of insights because of my age and because of how long I've been doing makeup and I am a sponge and maybe some of you don't know this but I was a personal tutor for many years and so being able to be a teacher comes naturally to me and I love seeing somebody learn something new or here that you're enjoying it and I have absolutely loved this past little while that there are so many of you that are saying that you just absolutely love makeup all of a sudden because oh okay because you have finally gotten into it after years of not wearing it and some of the tips and things that we talk about here are helping you so much and I love that so thank you so much for sharing that part of your lives with me that you're getting back into makeup and the tutorials and that uh-huh every day time we'll get that in a second the tutorials and everything that I have been doing has been helping and that helps me to know where that I'm on the right path with my channel and I am so grateful and if you hang around until I'm done with my mascara and I get that nasty thing off I will come back and I will do a giveaway for you because yes this is a giveaway video too so I feel like you're all so special to me and the fact that I am here now it's very profound to me and I just want to say thank you over and over again and so yes this video is a giveaway now before I go ahead and show you what's in this bag and it's not all from Sephora by the way there are a ton of scammers out right now and I said this in the other two videos so all everybody that wins these giveaways these last three giveaways that I've done so I did two on the other two videos which I can link below for you and then I'm this one that will be three total giveaways I want to tell you that do not unless it comes out of my mouth that you're the winner do not trust anybody saying anything you will never hear from me that you have to go to a third party app and spend money to get the product sent to you that's a scammer some there are so many out even the men that come on here and underneath your comments they'll say hi how are you or they'll talk about where they live and they'll try and engage you in conversation conversations those are scammers be very careful I try to go through as quickly as I can and delete them and block them but they're there and I also get quite a few pornographic things on the on the videos too as soon as the video pops up there's three or four pornographic sites that will comment and try to get people sucked in so please be careful but be very careful about the giveaway because I'm going to do an Amazon video and I said this on my other video and people kind of got confused I'm going to post an Amazon video of my my favorite Amazon fashion and beauty products that will be up on Tuesday July 5th at 2 p.m. and that will be up here on YouTube and so just watch that all three of the winners for this giveaway will be announced then so first of all in the giveaway you're going to have to be subscribed to my channel that's an absolute I will check and make sure that you are and the second thing is all you have to do is make a comment I get about a thousand to fifteen hundred comments on these giveaway videos so I'm going to heart all of you but if I if you don't have a specific question for me I won't be responding to comments it's just easier that way there's no way I could get to a thousand comments but I want you all to know how much I do appreciate and love you that's why I'm doing these giveaways so let's just go through really quickly what's in here so you know alter ego did a dupe palette of the glam palette from Natasha Jenona and that's what it looks like so I ordered a brand new one and you're getting one of those I feel like it's every bit as good if not better than the actual Natasha Jenona so good physicians formula one of their butter blushes this is from hood of beauty and this is a four piece of her lipsticks and you're getting that one mini sized there is a lavender I think this is creptrion Evelyn no I can even read it because I don't have my glasses on and then you're getting a full size of the Laura Geller this is her speckle primer that I love this is the ethereal rose that's a full size of that one you're getting a full size of the dermatology peptide night cream I love that cream too I'm actually giving you something really weird in here I got this in a two-pack so I got one for me and I thought I'm just gonna give it away somebody's gonna like having that this is a metal tongue scraper and I swear to you if you don't have a tongue scraper you almost really do need a tongue scraper because I feel like I can taste foods better now I don't know if that makes any sense to you or not but my tongue was really coated and so this metal tongue scraper has been great I know too weird this is a little sample of a perfume called Juliet has a gun and this one is called Magnolia Bliss there is a city beauty full-size illuminating dark spot corrector in there the next one I can't read so better with the spectacles on Sarah vital suddenly smooth the gentle retinol treatment anti-reinco one and then last but not least this is from heart and soul and this is a black rose hydrating color adjusting lipstick if you've never seen this before this is really cool basically what it is I'm not gonna open it but I have one I thought it was right here but it's not but it is it looks black when you open it up but you put it on your lips it adjusts to your body's pH and your body's coloring and it makes for a perfect color for you on me mine actually turns mob which is one of my favorite things anyway but it's a nice lipstick because then you have almost lipstick stain on for the whole day so that is really fun so yes that is the giveaway that's everything I'm going to probably be doing two to three more of these giveaways I'm gonna do one of them in the Amazon video that will go up here on YouTube hope that you did enjoy the video please give it a thumbs up leave your comments down below don't forget to comment so you that you can be entered go over to those other two videos check those out so that you can be entered into the other videos and up your odds right now what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put up a video right here for you guys so that you can see that past video of what I was talking about and it was just basically entitled when life isn't perfect and I open up about a lot of my health problems I'll put that up right here so you can go look at it and maybe check it out and see what you thought about it it will help tie this video in a little bit hope that you're all doing well please come back around very soon and best of luck to you on the giveaway I'm so excited for everybody and thank you again for helping me reach this huge milestone I love you very much and I will see you very soon in my next video goodbye my friends