 Should I stay in the relationship? Should I leave the relationship? Should I stay in my job? Should I leave my job? Start a family have kids. Maybe I'm not ready for that Write down to the more micro level which would be something like should I start working my project or should I stay on the couch? So what we're really going to do is we're going to jump in right now And we're going to take a look kind of underneath the surface level about the dynamics Involvents in decision-making and the the metaphysics under Decision-making which is really more the thought processes or the mindsets that are involved in that and these are that the metaphysics under all personal dilemmas and We're going to propose a way to navigate your way out of conflict. So stay with me Okay, so this could be any kind of dilemma we're faced with and I'm just going to give an example here of a situation Again, this could be about procrastination and personal product project of yours But really all of these kind of no-win scenarios have the same metaphysical dynamics at play But this one here will use as an example and it says I Have to decide what to do after high school. My dad wants me to go to medical school But I want to learn to be a mechanic as I've always Been interested in cars since I was a kid Have no interest in medicine. So this is a difficult decision here This person faces and I want to do what I'm genuinely interested in But he won't support me financially in that and I know it will crush him if I don't follow in his footsteps so already here we're seeing Somebody's gonna lose. This is a win-lose scenario or a lose-lose scenario and The person here is in the middle of this scenario and what they're faced with is a choice essentially between Okay, mechanic or should I go study medicine? So What we do with this is we look at first of all, you know, you can weigh up pros and cons of each choice Typically the thing that keeps us stuck in these kind of dilemmas is an over-reliance on the rational brain to figure it out and a complete absence of Taking into consideration. What's going on emotionally for me? Really we stay up here in the brain the mind Probably too long usually because we we say to ourselves well look I don't want to be impulsive with this decision and There's some You know credibility to that Impulsiveness is something that comes from a state of unconsciousness. We don't want to be impulsive in our decision-making But likewise if we're indecisive Indecisive is the other end of the scale to impulsive and that too comes from a state of unconsciousness So we want to avoid this impulsivity and this Indecisiveness but typically for most of us because we're we turn to the mind all the time to Try and figure out everything every little aspect of this dilemma I'm faced with whatever that might be It's not impulsive that that impulsiveness that's our problem We find ourselves stuck in these horrible states of indecisiveness Someone told me a long time ago That all emotional pain comes from indecision or indecisiveness and I think there's actually a lot of value in that Wisdom that that person gave me because I found a time-to-time again When working with people even in my own life Every time I'm really feeling bad. I'm usually haven't made up my mind about what it is. I want That's a horrible feeling of being indecisive so these are the two choices that this person has made or is faced with here and You know, they'll spend a lot of time it could be weeks It could be months deliberating this weighing up the pros and cons It's all quite a rational intellectual exercise, but this is what we do we spend our time We think if I just worry hard enough I'll figure it out and that's not actually going to help doesn't help actually make a better decision at all So what you'll notice there if you see that person here They depicted is I've I've represented them as sort of Cut off from their body they're entirely up here in their mind in their in their thinking brain and And that's very very important because really that cuts us off from all Intuition that might help us with this decision or something even more important than that which is compassion Which is what I'm going to get on to here. So we'll notice when we're in these kind of no-win scenario dilemmas We're usually relying up here too much, you know with the mind and not enough on the body We're cut off from our intuition or our emotion So in this this in this one will find this is usually actually a Sort of a split between a persona that we have which is the good choice You know the good boy choice or the good girl choice and then there's the bad choice Which is or the is the the shadow aspect of our psyche But the you know the good choice the one that's going to keep that happy here in this example is Well, I do medicine, but what's the emotional reality of this? Well, look if I do medicine I'm going to feel resentment because it's not what I want to do I'm going to feel empty and really I'm only doing it for the approval of my dad here So what we're doing here is we're starting to look at what's the emotional reality of of this dilemma I'm faced with here and Likewise, you know, we look at the mechanic option for this. It's like well. Look that makes me the bad son I don't feel isolated. It'll be a lot of disapproval from that option So clearly neither of these two options are good options. That's why we feel stuck How can you choose between two really horrible options? It's not it's not Not easy to do So the main thing from this is that we're cut off from our body and we stay because we want to avoid that impulsiveness Which is fair enough. We stay too long in this indecisiveness and tolerate this horrible feeling of stupeness Now what we have to do is when we're in a decision a dilemma like this, whatever it could be like Should I quit my job? Should I start a business? Should I stay in the relationship leave the relationship? Should I procrastinate? Should I be productive? Whatever it is we have to start seeing both of these options as occurring within the same mindset or the same level of consciousness and Einstein said that, you know, you can't solve the problem at the level of consciousness That problem was created. You have to find an alternative level of consciousness or an alternative mindset If you're really going to see this differently and break out of this feeling of being stuck So first is the thing we have to do is realize Both of these choices actually make me feel bad Something's up here. Something's off with this Constantly turn it to my mind to solve this issue Now if we do see that what we're going to realize is well, what's the payoff for me? staying stuck in this dilemma Really what it's allowing us to do if we stay up here trying to solve it and worry harder Is that it's going to keep us out of our body because well if we really go in to our bodies here we're going to find you are really needs attention in this whole thing and It's three primary emotions. It's feeling alone. It's feeling defective and vulnerable But if you've seen any of my other contact content, I always Really focus in on this defective story. I talk about essentially We find ourselves in this split mind this indecisiveness Because in the body itself there are we carry traumas or we carry this this felt sense that there's something wrong with me Guilt people would call this emotion sometimes So it's just a feeling that there's something wrong with me and Really if we're in this indecisiveness, we're not going to be you know, I asked a lot of people, you know Do you feel guilt from time to time and oh, no, I don't feel any guilt at all But then again, you know from time to time they will realize actually I feel really bad about myself This defectiveness or this guilt is very unconscious and really until that guilt or that defective story is really met and resolved or Given something that it needs which we'll get on to We're going to find ourselves again and again Just week after week month after month deliberating about which choice is the right choice I need to worry harder. So we're looking for an alternative to this These are the metaphysics that are going on underneath the surface with all this indecisiveness so What we're realizing is the payoff here for this is that I don't get to I don't have to go in and deal with the Underlying emotions that I have. Okay. So what do we do with this? Now? This is a big kind of a this is a kind of a Front to the our ego what I'm going to say here But when we're in these decisions and we're trying to figure out the right move The first thing to do is to realize there is no right choice or wrong choice. There is no good choice or bad choice see that's Why we stay in the mind so much about these decisions is that we think there's a right choice or a good choice that if We just worry hard enough again or overthink and analyze that we'll find it What if there was no good choice or right choice? that's what I'm trying to propose here and That is one of the things that makes us say look I could maybe it's not that I need to stay here and figure this out Maybe it doesn't need to be figured out because no matter what I do. I feel bad anyway There's no right choice. There's no wrong choice. There's no good choice There's no bad choice Realize that the choice is designed to make you feel stuck. This is allowing us to stay up here and It's allowing us to stay out of the body which was which is where emotional our emotions are stored or felt The other thing is it keeps us away from what needs our compassion. So really if we go into the body more We will find will come into contact with feelings of vulnerability with feeling like there's something wrong with me or defective Or feeling alone is the big one on reliant it But the defective story is closer to the surface really it is those emotions that we're experiencing as We are deliberating on these things that needs our compassion okay, so What I'm going to show you here now is What do we do with this? What does it look like when we start to come out of this in decisiveness and start to find self? Compassion for what we're dealing with emotionally underneath this difficult decision Really the thing that one of the attachments in this example for instance would be in that persona there You know, I'm going to be the good son if I do what dad tells me to do That's a thing we're deeply attached to so we're going to start really questioning some of this But we're going to look at the metaphysics of it also So that it can be applied across the board to different scenarios So if you look again here, this is the person in this scenario Remember they're in their mind. That's where our indecision is experienced. We're detached from our emotional body and We're thinking here. Okay, there's the mechanic and there's should I do medicine? But we're noticing already now when we're starting to heal this You notice the two choices there have actually come closer together That's because ultimately when you when you start to really Heal this or heal the underlying emotions that are involved The funny thing is, okay, there's no right choice. There's no wrong choice There's no good choice or bad choice. You actually start to see them both as kind of the same They're not actually as different as I originally thought they were they were going to be So they're kind of melding into one choice Almost as if it doesn't matter what I choose. That's how you know, you're on the right path so What we're going to do here because we're disembodied and you can see there We have to start that that line that's cutting us off from our emotional body It's the first thing that has to be softened. We have to start going into okay It's okay if I start to admit to myself I feel horrible right now and it's that feeling horrible inside It's that defective story that there's something wrong with me that needs our close attention. It needs our awareness It needs to be felt it needs real real compassion around awareness So when that's the first thing we start to do we start to come out of the the right wrong good and bad and just come to terms with the fact I Really need to support myself even get some support from other people because I do not feel good right now So we start to come into the body more and more we're going to touch with our emotions And now because of that and we're giving that compassion to the emotional body We start to feel greater peace less conflict inside ourselves Because that's really what's missing with this and once once that's in place what we will find is Both options which before seemed really bad Start to seem Okay, both options seem okay. So for in this case, it could be okay What if I become a mechanic? Well? When we're in when we start to deal with the emotional body we're automatically in this what I call the compassionate mind It's a different mindset entirely and all in decision goes away when we're in this mindset So the option to be a mechanic for instance would look like well look I don't control my father's emotions If I choose to be a mechanic and he gets upset at that I Don't have any control over his feelings. There's a lot of personal freedom in that choice You could also see that option as Okay, I used to think that the mechanic would make me the bad son Well, a good son is actually someone who expresses themselves honestly So that puts you in the good son category Another thing to think about would maybe your father in this scenario is quite restricted or he's got this tyrannical need for responsibility and Maybe he laid aside a few of his own dreams when he was younger. So your choice in this scenario To do what you feel drawn to authentically might be something that really inspires him Maybe even if his initial reaction is that he disagrees with the choice, but really maybe you're inspiring him Also, you'll enjoy yourself. So that's another positive So this option if we're if we're really dealing with the emotions and processing and feeling and healing is That we'll start to see that option is good. The other option which is to do medicine Which we really had an attachment to approval in that we're going to start to realize actually the only approval I need here is a self approval self approval for everything. I'm feeling inside my body and You might get some insights when you're you start to do that and you're in this compassionate mindset You'll start to realize if I do medicine It won't make my father happy. That's not true either Right and maybe you start thinking to yourself things like if I do medicine I'll do it for my own reasons if I do it at all because it won't make my father happy if I do medicine That's kind of a delusion we get caught up in that we again It's this idea that I can control other people's emotions. We don't other people. They're fully responsible for their own feelings You could come to insights like I can still pursue my interest in in cars If I do medicine, I can't predict the future Maybe doing medicine would actually be a really great thing because we can't predict the future. Who knows? You'll also realize if I do this option, there's more chance. I'll be supported. That's a good thing in my life Maybe I could combine the two options. Maybe I could put my I don't know how exactly but quite often when we're in the compassionate mind We can find Weird solutions to these issues like maybe you you continue you do medicine you continue what your passion in cars Maybe you consult on car safety issues or something, right? I'm just thinking off top of my head with that But the point is both of these options now we start to see them as we're open to both It's almost as if You know you could toss a coin and you don't even matter it doesn't matter anymore Which one there is no right option. There's no wrong option. There's no good option. There's no bad option. They're both fine But this comes true getting out of the mind Stopping this thing of I have to worry harder here to figure this out This is all about first of all going in and allowing ourselves to feel these difficult emotions that come from indecision again all emotional pain comes from indecision so I Would say okay, let's me let's get it get out of this indecision here into the body and then see if I can contact some compassion So when we're in this mindset, this is I want you to see this is an entirely different mindset to the mindset the split mind of Indecision and this is really what we're looking for here is Again if there's an effective story we start to give compassion to that it's what Carl Rogers would call unconditional positive regard the choice we make here Is not whether I want to be a mechanic or I want to do medicine the real choice and the conscious choice is Am I going to support myself no matter what or am I going to only give myself support? Conditionally conditionally on whether I meet standards. Maybe I'm a good son Whether I get approval from dad whoever it may be So guys, I hope that was a useful Little take on that there. This applies for every Decision we come in contact with with that, you know, we're having that indecisiveness Should I stay on the couch? Should I go and do some work on the project? Again, that's not the real option the real option is am I going to start supporting myself rather than holding my Hostage to these maybe self-imposed standards that I have for myself sometimes Can I give myself support and encouragement if I do get off the couch and go work on the project? Can I give myself permission to sit on the couch and not crucify myself? Can I get in touch with my body more and more and start to just really bring more attention and awareness and Feeling down into what's going on inside my body because these decisions are really the thing that need our attention most of all So guys, I hope that was useful and Any questions maybe leave them below and as always thanks for joining me and I will see you in the next video Bye for now