 Proudly we hail. From New York City where the American stage begins, here is another program with a cast of outstanding players. Public service time has been made available by this station to bring you this story as proudly we hail the United States Army's special services. Our story is entitled, A Knockout Performance. This is the story of a soldier, an infantryman, who faced a foreign problem in a foreign land as proudly we hail the United States Army. Our first act curtain will rise in just a moment. But first, right now, here's an important message for young men who are high school graduates. Never before in history has there been such a need and such an opportunity to serve your country and yourself as there is today in the United States Army. If you're qualified, there are careers open for you in radio, radar, weather, communications, and many, many other fields. So pay a visit to your nearest United States Army recruiting station without delay and get full details. And now your United States Army presents the proudly we hail production, A Knockout Performance. Our play is concerned with two words, amateur theatricals written on a classification form. To Sergeant Dave Gordon, these were important words, but suppose we let him tell you about it. Two words that I completely forgot about after I wrote them down, but then I never had an occasion to think about them much after that interview with the classification sergeant. For as soon as I finished my 13 weeks training as an infantryman, I was shipped to Europe where I joined a line outfit. Naturally, we were kept pretty busy for a few months until the end of the war when we found ourselves stationed in Wiesbaden, Germany, a resort city. I was just starting to enjoy life again until one day, several weeks after VE Day, I received orders transferring me to a division that was slated for occupation duty in Germany. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I found out the answer. When I arrived at regimental headquarters of my new outfit, in a town about 60 miles north of Wiesbaden. Come in. Corporal Gordon reporting, sir. Oh, yes, yes. I'm glad you got here, Corporal. I'm Lieutenant Rooney, Special Services Officer for the regiment. Yes, sir, but Lieutenant, is this where I'm supposed to report? Yeah, that's right, Corporal. Something wrong? No, sir, except that I don't see how I fit in with special service. I only had experience in the line. I see. Well, I suppose an explanation is in order. As you may know, Corporal, our regiment has just been assigned to occupation duty in this area. And that means we have small detachment scattered out in about two dozen villages. Yes, sir. We can do it in many different ways, but one of the best is to entertain them. Entertain them? Yes. And? Well, that's where you come in. Me? Well, boy, somebody sure fouled up, sir. How's that? Well, I have hard enough time keeping myself entertained, let alone anyone else. Well, now you've got me. I saw your 201 file down in Wiesbaden, and I had you transferred. Since your division was slated for deactivation, and there was no one in our regiment with theatrical experience. My 201 file? Yes. It indicates that you were in amateur theatricals in civilian life. You mean when it says avocations and hobbies? Yes. Well, that's right, isn't it? Yes, sir, but I... Good. Now, I've decided to organize a show troop to tour the regiment. A variety show. And I'm going to put you in complete charge of the project, Corporal. It'll be your baby. But there's one thing I'd like to see. And that is the show on the road as soon as possible. A variety show, you say, sir? Yes. And since we have no show people in the regiment, you'll have to use civilians for entertainments. Displaced persons or Germans. Where will I get them, sir? I've already asked the town major to place an ad in the local paper. Now, within the next few days, there should be some results. All right, Corporal, you'd better run along and draw your bedding. You'll have a room upstairs. Yes, sir. And, uh, Corporal, remember, the show must go on. And I had been through some mighty rough times during my combat days. But that night as I lay on my bed unable to sleep, I thought I would have gone through them again a dozen times and do what Lieutenant Rooney wanted me to do. In all my life, I had probably seen about two vaudeville shows. But there it was in my 201 file, amateur theatricals, and I didn't know how to explain it away. I finally fell asleep and dreamed I was being chased by a spotlight. The next morning I awoke in a cold sweat, a condition I got to know quite well during the days that followed. Good morning, Corporal Gordon. Do you have a nice sleep? Uh, I guess so, sir. I just got word from the town major that some applicants have shown up at his office for the show. And I suggest that you drop around there to audition them, huh? Audition them? Yeah, that's right. Have them go through their acts to see if they're okay. Oh, Lieutenant Rooney, I'm afraid I might need some help. Oh, you'll have it, Corporal. You'll have it. I've already arranged for the pianist from the band to be there to play the music. That isn't a good call. Oh, it's nine o'clock already. I have to get down to the P.X. warehouse. Now, let me know how it turns out, Corporal. The town major's office was in the village municipal building, and in the basement was a rap scaler, a sort of German beer hall. It was a little stage with a piano on which a soldier was playing. And sitting there was a girl and a man. Hi, Corporal. I'm Private Smith, your pianist. I'm glad to meet you, Smith. Is this all that showed up? That's all. There ain't no more in the whole town. What? Well, surely there ought to be more than two. No, Corporal. There are no other. Are you sure? Yeah. It is only a little town. Well, that's not so good. What's your name? Gisela Hauptmann. Are you both German? I am. He displayed certain Polish. My name is Olowski. I see. I'm Corporal Gordon. I'm in charge of putting a show together for American troops. Compré, I'm in first aid. Yeah, yeah, I understand. You boss man, huh? For sure. Uh-huh. But I don't see how it'll be much of a show with only two... what do you call them, acts? Well, what's the matter? Ain't you gonna emcee? Emcee, what's that? Emcee, master of ceremonies. You know, introduce the acts, make with the jokes. Me? Be in the show? Well, that's some joke, all right. Well, with only two acts, it looks like you'll have to, if you want a show. Well, it's not me. It's Lieutenant Rooney who wants it. Well, whoever wants it, you better get started with the auditions. Auditions? Yeah, yeah, I guess I'd better. All right. Who wants to go first? If it's all right, I go first. Sure. What do you do? I, uh, I dance. Uh, tap dancer, huh? Uh, yes, uh, tap. Okay. I guess you want some music? Yeah, better. All right, how about two choruses of, uh, tea for two? Tea? Uh, all right. Here goes. It wasn't a bad-looking girl. I figured the guys wouldn't mind that, but after watching her a minute, I wasn't so sure. I didn't know anything about dancing, but even to my inexperienced eye, I could see she was a pretty poor tap dancer. Couldn't seem to get the rhythm of something right. Okay, thanks. How about you, Mr. Olowski? Yes, sir. Something slow for music, please. He stripped off his shirt and started doing a few somersaults and cartwheels. Nothing that we didn't or couldn't do back in my gym class in the YMCA. Finish, please. Is that all? Yes. Yes. Um, say, Smitty, what do you think? In one word, stinks. Both of them. Yeah. Oh, well, folks, I'm sorry, but I don't think... Oh, just a minute. Hello? Is that you, Gordon? Yes. And this is Lieutenant Rooney. Did those entertainers show up? Yes, sir, but I... Oh, good. I just got a call from the CEO of Company A. He says his men need entertainment ban. Now, you make plans to take the show there the day after tomorrow. Day after tomorrow? Lieutenant, I don't... If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Oh, I've got to get away for a staff meeting now. Goodbye. Lieutenant was a very busy man I was beginning to see. But what I needed, he couldn't give me. A good show. Instead of the six minutes of third-rate entertainment, I now had. Well, I finally decided that I'd better nail Lieutenant down and tell him the facts of show business. Show business, that is, in the town of Sheckenhausen and where I stood in it. You, uh, finished, Corporal? Finished? That's the right word for it, all right? Corporan, do you want us for the show? Well, I'll tell you. If the show goes on the road, you'll be in it. I don't have much of a choice, do I? I hustled back to the special service office, but Lieutenant Rooney had already left. I sat down for a moment trying to sort things out in my mind. And as I sat there, my eyes fell in a book in the bookcase by Lieutenant's desk. Now, I'm not much for reading, but when I saw the title on that little pocketbook, I almost jumped at it. It was one of the books issued by special service designed to help the personnel of SSO in doing their jobs. And this was the one I could really use. A book of jokes, pattern, and routines for a soldier MC to use in working up shows. Well, after one look at it, there's enough stuff in it to fill out a two-hour show, let alone a half-hour one. All I had to do was memorize what I needed. And I started in. A couple of minutes later, when I was trying to figure out the punchline in a gag, special service office... Corporal Gordon? Yes? Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's up? Right away. Something very interesting I found out. And it's something I think you should know, too, before you go making any rash decisions. And what's it about? Your show. I think you're going to have a different one than you expected. Far different. You are listening to the proudly-we-hail production of Knockout Performance. We'll return in just a moment for the second act. High school seniors, ensure a secure, well-paying future by preparing for it now. The United States Army's Reserved For You program will guarantee you a classroom seat in an exciting Army technical career course before you enlist. You'll get top-notch training and a job experience while serving side-by-side with America's finest young men and women. The choice is wide open, and it's all yours to make. High school graduates can take their choice from more than 100 interesting courses, everything from atomic technician to welding. The fact-filled booklet, Reserved For You, tells you all about this program. You'll learn of many other fine Army benefits, too, like regular pay increases, promotions, exciting travel assignments, and unbeatable leisure time activities. Get in on the swing. Get your free copy of Reserved For You by visiting or writing your nearest United States Army Recruiting Station. You are listening to Proudly We Hail, and now we present the second act of a Knockout Performance. Oh, hi, Smith. What's up? Well, after you left a while ago, I found out a couple of things. What about these two? Gisella and Mr. Olowski here? Yeah, what? I'll tell you in a minute, but first, take a look at this. All right, Gisella, do you want to try that again? Yes, Mr. Smith. Now, dig this, Gordon. While Smith sat down at the piano, the girl climbed up on the stage and began to dance. She was wearing toe shoes now instead of tap shoes, and if I hadn't known otherwise, I would have sworn she was somebody else. Because where she was all elbows before, now she was light and graceful. Instead of being shy and embarrassed, she was in perfect command of herself. I didn't know much about what kind of dancing she was doing. I figured it was some kind of ballet stuff, but whatever it was, I thought it was good. And it was beautiful in a sad sort of way. When she came to the end, for some reason there was a kind of lump in my throat. The kind you get when you hear taps being played late at night. As the music died away, she stood for a moment, her head bowed, and then Smith started playing another piece. I knew the music, but I didn't find out until later that it was what they call can-can music, sort of dance that French music called girls used to dance. And now the girl changed again. Her head tossing, big smile, brightening her face. She kicked her legs high like a frisky young cold prancing through a pasture. She was so convincing that I even chuckled out loud. I was so carried away with it that I suddenly found myself applauding her when she finished. Well, I guess I don't have to ask you how you liked it. Oh, you sure don't, Smith. I don't know anything about dancing, but that was great. She's all great. Oh, thank you, Corporal. I'm glad. How come you didn't do this for your audition before? Well, I want to please you, Corporal, so I try to dance like American dances I see in movies. But I'm not very good at tap dancing. Well, to be honest, I have to agree with you on that, but you're dancing now. Good. It should be. You want to know something, Gordon? She was a ballerina with a Dusseldorf opera and with other dance companies. All classical stuff. And she thought maybe that kind of dancing was too highbrow for soldiers. Well, it may be highbrow, but it got me. And if it gets me, it should get anyone. Anyway, we'll find out soon enough. From now on, Gisella, you are the ballerina of the regimental special service show. Oh, thank you, Corporal. Thank you. Gordon, I got something else for you, too. If it's as good a surprise as this one, I'll make you assistant director of this show. I'll take it. Listen, this guy here, he ain't no acrobat. You're telling me? Yeah. Listen, he's a vaudeville act. I don't get it. He's a roller skater, but his skates are in Warsaw. You mean you have an act worked up on skates? Yeah. I skate for 15 years in big theaters all over Europe. I make good show for you if I have skates. Well, don't worry. We'll get you a pair. You two take a break for a few minutes. I have something to talk over with Private Smith here. Well, what's on your mind, Gordon? Do you have any ideas that might help to make the show better? Any ideas? I might have. I played some shows before I got in the army. Let's see. He had some ideas all right, and they sounded good. He suggested we have some audience participation stuff to fill out the show, like a rumba contest with the guys taking turns dancing with the girl, the best one getting a prize from the PX. We also worked up a couple of routines between him and me. The best one being where I'd pretend I was a mind reader, and he'd go out in the audience asking me questions that I would answer. Now, it's like this, Gordon. I'll take a coin from somebody and ask you, what is the date? And you say June 10th or whatever the date of that day is. Get it? Yeah, sure. And then I'll ask some more goofy questions where we have the answers all figured out ahead of time. And we'll end up by me going over to one of the guys and sticking my finger under his collar. Then I'll ask you, what do I have under my finger? And you answer, dirt. Oh, they'll get a kick out of that. Well, we better start rehearsing right away. Uh, folks, now, here's how the show is going to be. The rest of the afternoon, we went over what we had worked up in it. Seemed to shape up all right. Then after rehearsal, I made a few trips around town trying to find skates for Olofsky, but it was no soap. At that time, things were pretty bad in Germany and there was nothing to be had in any of the shops. When I got back to the office, I found Lieutenant Rooney waiting for me. Well, how'd you make out today, Corporal? Not bad, Lieutenant. Considering everything? Mm-hmm. Well, what have you got for acts? A girl dancer. Oh, tap dancer? No. Ballet. Ballet? Yes, sir. Jumping, jihad-suffat, Corporal. This is to be a show for soldiers, not for long hairs. Well, they'll be bored stiff by that kind of dancing. Well, I would have thought that too, Lieutenant. But I saw her dance and take my word for it. She'll be okay. Well, I hope so. Because this show has got to be good. At the staff meeting today, I found out that the general of the division has given top priority to the morale of the men. And as a result, our Colonel has personally ordered me to get a show on the road by tomorrow. Tomorrow? Yes. But that's impossible, sir. Corporal impossible is a word used only by civilians. Yes, sir. Now, why is it impossible? Well, you see, I only have one other act beside the girl, and for him, we need a pair of roller skates, and I can't buy any in this town. A roller skating act, huh? Well, well... I thought I'd go for that, all right? Okay, okay. I'll check with supply. They might have some. Well, if they don't, we'll be in a jam, sir, because without skates, the guy's going to be a dead duck and the show too. Don't worry, Corporal. We'll do something about it. But remember, the show's going out tomorrow. Skates are no skates. He didn't have to tell me twice. I got out my book. Started practicing jokes again out loud. I remember the time I took a physical to get into the army, and the doctor asked me if I had any scars on me. No, I said I haven't any scars, but I can give you a cigarette. I was so dumb that once I saluted a truck because it sat on it, general hauling. As I stood there alone in the office going over the jokes, I began to feel that they weren't as funny as I had thought they were. It was the way I was saying them. I didn't know which... something was bothering me. But it wasn't until the phone rang that I discovered what it was. Hello, special service, Corporal Gordon speaking. Lieutenant Roney, listen, Corporal. Supply doesn't have any roller skates. Oh, no. Oh, yes. Now, you'd better be prepared to work without them tomorrow night. There's still one more place I can try. But be prepared. Chin up and all that sort of thing. Yeah, both of them. Both of my chins, sir. That's a joke. I got out of a joke book. After he hung up, I knew what was bothering me. Here I was, the guy who had spent most of his time behind a machine gun, trying to be a comedian. The book from special service said that the only thing an emcee had to do was speak out loud and clear and everything else would follow. But now I wasn't so sure it was right. Still, I had to go through with it somehow. An amateur comedian and his amateur straight man, a dancer whose dancing was probably too high-brow and a skater who didn't have any skates. I went to bed and after another sleepless night, things didn't look much better. Good morning, Corporal. All set to go? Yes, sir. Good. Now, I won't be able to get there with you today, but I have every confidence that you'll do a good job. Lieutenant Roney... Oh, excuse me, please. Special service, Lieutenant Roney. Oh, good morning, Colonel. Oh, yes, sir. It's all set. What? He is? Yes, sir. Oh, yes, sir. Yes, yes, sir. Goodbye, sir. Corporal, that was the Colonel. He just told me that the general is going to make a special trip to the regiment today to the third platoon of Company A. He wants to catch your show. He wants to see our show? Yes. Goodbye, Lieutenant. Oh, come back here, Corporal. This throws a new light on the situation. You're not only saying it, Lieutenant. The show has got to be good. Now, what do you need besides skates? Funny, but I won't be able to get it in one day. I'll see what I can do on those skates. I haven't given up yet. Never say die, I always say. That night we found ourselves in a beer hall that had been converted into a sort of service club for the men of the third platoon. The stage was dusty, and after Smitty and I swept it off, we rehearsed a little. But today our hearts were in it. What had seemed so good yesterday now is flat and stale, and I knew we were going to lay the biggest egg that was ever laid in show business and right in the commanding general's lap. Finally came showtime. I stood on the stage and looked out through a crack in the curtain. The show would begin when the general arrived. Well, was he here yet? No, not yet, Smitty. Now, folks, this is the way the show will run. We'll open with a dance by Gisella, and I'll do some jokes, and Smitty and I will do our gags and we'll close the show with Mr. Olofsky. I'm sorry we couldn't get your skates, Mr. Olofsky. I do the best I can, Corporal. Don't you worry, Gordon. I got something figured out that'll be a knockout, a real knockout, way to see it. Oh, the general's coming. I better get out to my piano. Well, kids, good luck. The lights went down and the curtains parted, and there I was face-to-face with 50 soldiers and a general. My first joke went over. That was all I needed. When I heard their laughter, a load rolled off my back and I felt somehow more at ease. A couple of more jokes, and then Gisella went into a dance. I watched the guys and my hunch was right. They sat spellbound watching, and I knew that at least the beginning of the show was a success. And when she was half through, somebody tapped me on the shoulder. Corporal Gordon. Lieutenant Rooney. Hmm, I've got something for you. Look, roller skates. Lieutenant, how did you get them? They came in from Frankfurt Special Service. That's wonderful, wonderful. Oh, Corporal, the show looks good. I'll watch it from out front. Gisella came off to a big hand. Finally came the time for Smitty and me to do our mind-reading act. That's when it happened. All great and glorious reader of the mind. Can you tell me which state this soldier comes from? Mm-hmm. Can you tell me the date? June 12, 1945. All right. I had a piece of cheesecloth around my eyes tied so that I could see through it. While I waited for the last question, I took a look at the cue sheet of paper I had hidden in my hand. And when I looked up again, what I saw almost made me take off from the stage and grab Smitty, but it was too late. He was already there, standing beside the general with his finger under the general's collar. Now tell me, oh, all, seeing eye of Kismet, what do I have? We had rehearsed it so much that I couldn't help myself. It came out of its own accord. I repeat, what do I have under my finger? Dirt. So that had been Smitty's knockout idea. It sure knocked me out all right. What happened after that, I have only a hazy idea of. But they told me that the Rumberk contest was a big success and that the roller skating really tore down the house. When the curtain closed at the end of the show, I sat down in a corner and slowly tore up my joke book. After what had happened with the general, I was sure I would have no further use for it. Corporal Gordon. Yes, Lieutenant Rooney? Somebody to see you. General Hawkins. Corporal, congratulations, a great show, simply great. But thanks, General, but that collar business, I'm sorry about that. What for? That was the best piece in the show. Anyway, he was telling the truth, you know. On the deep ride up, I got some mud splashed on my collar. So you see, it was a knockout performance. High school seniors, here's an important message for you. The United States Army's Reserve for You program will guarantee you a classroom seat in an exciting Army technical career course before you enlist. You'll get top notch training on the job experience while serving side by side with America's finest young men. The choice is wide open and it's yours to make. High school graduates can choose from more than 100 interesting career courses that range from atomic technician through welding. A fact-filled booklet called Reserve for You tells you about the entire program. Get in on the swing. Get your free copy of Reserve for You by visiting or writing your nearest United States Army recruiting station. This has been another program on Proudly We Hail, presented transcribed in cooperation with this station. Proudly We Hail is produced by the Recruiting Publicity Center in New York for the United States Army. And this is Mark Hamilton speaking, inviting you to tune in this same station next week for another interesting story on Proudly We Hail.