 Well to hear the students in her class talk one might think that our Miss Brooks was the only female English teacher at Madison High School But this isn't so no there are several English teachers at Madison of whom five are ladies Then there's Miss Enright For almost six years now. We've been waging what might be termed romantic warfare objective biology teacher Philip Boynton Knowing mr. Boynton's passion for food I scored a strategic victory early last week when I invited mr. Boynton to dinner on Thursday night He accepted so bright and early Thursday morning I called the butcher and ordered a pot roast and that is mr. Boynton's favorite dish and that includes me and Miss Enright Well after dressing I hastened into the breakfast room and greeted my landlady Good morning, mr. Davis. I'm all ready to break bread with you. You won't have to Tommy it comes sliced Now sit down and drink your juice there what kind of juice is this mr. Davis it's artichoke juice Artichoke juice yes, I bought it in the new health food department in the market this morning I also ordered some delicious steaks from them. What kind of steaks? They're perfect replicas of New York Cups Replicas actually they're made out of soy beans and watercress But you can never tell the difference believe me I could tell the difference Oh, Connie. There's something I must tell you when I was in the market this morning. I met Miss Enright. Oh What did the delightful Daisy have to relate well, she told me she was ordering just for herself She was planning a lonely dinner for one That's when she told me how fortunate I am and she paid you a lovely compliment a compliment Yes, she said Mrs. Davis you don't know how lucky you are to have someone to dine with every night Even if it's only miss Brooks I Felt too sorry for the poor thing. I invited her over here for dinner tonight What but mrs. Davis she probably knew I'd invited mr. Boynton over here tonight Don't you see she deliberately wangled this invitation out of you But Tommy she didn't seem to be wangling. Well, that's the beauty of experience when a wangler like Miss Enright wangles you You don't suspect any wangling until you've been wangled But Connie I talked her into canceling her own order at the market invited her here You'll just have to share your pot roast with her. Well, what's done is done I guess but between you and me mrs. Davis with the pot Daisy Enright's got she doesn't need my roast I don't like to appear overly nervous walter But do you think you could restrain the speed of this demon jalopy just a little for you? I'll put it in reverse miss Brooks. Oh, please don't we're terrifying enough going forward Miss Brooks in as much as my regard for you transcends the mere respect of pupil for teacher I would like to take the liberty of remarking that I detect in your manner this morning a vague Discontent a discontent based on some occurrence in the immediate past or discernible future Now we all know that women are funny They're a screen of course some are funnier than others And by funny we don't always mean comical do we Particularly when we speak of one Daisy Enright Where have you been this morning to a sands? No ma'am no to the market there I helped my mother with some shopping and there we ran into miss enright who told my mother She was dining at your place tonight Now knowing the overwhelming absence of affection you to feel for each other I figured out that you must have a date with mr. Boynton and that she wangled an invitation from mrs. Davis Who was also in the market QED you are discontented Walter have you ever considered a career in espionage? Well, it was a simple deduction miss Brooks now Let us follow this dilemma to a more satisfactory conclusion And knowing that you wish to be alone with mr. Boynton tonight May I suggest that you uh that you invite me to dinner too? Invite you to dinner too you why you ask well, I'll tell you why Because when you want to take a stroll in the garden with mr. Boynton or turn on the radio and dance with mr. Boynton I can keep miss enright completely embroiled in a maze of fascinating albeit meaningless conversation Well, you might not believe this miss Brooks But I have it in my power to keep up an almost constant flow of gibberish Calculated to send the most bovine of listeners into a state of panic Where in fleeing the premises is only one of the lesser manifestations of shock. Am I invited? Be there at seven's high optional Thanks for the hitch walter if you'll excuse me now, I've got to make a stop before I go into my own class Yes, ma'am. The biology lab is just three doors down Thank you ran McNally Good morning walter. Oh, hi harry dear Guess what happened miss Brooks has invited me to join miss enright and mr. Boynton herself for dinner tonight Walter what about our date for tonight? They are Oh dear, I forgot about that. I looked into my wallet this morning and our date completely slipped my mind Oh golly walter you don't have to spend any money on me Besides, we could still be together if a certain party were kind enough to invite me To dinner also Of course we'd love to have you harry it. Oh, gee. Thanks miss Brooks. I was walking along Minded my business Well, you're welcome harry and may I ask the nature of the convention outside my office Miss Brooks just invited me to dinner daddy. I see. We'll send her in immediately please. Yes daddy Won't you go into daddy's office please miss Brooks? All right harry and I'll see you later everybody Uh, who wanted to see me miss congan? I've been holding my breath Miss Brooks across the hall and three doors to the right is a door. This door leads into a room What is this room miss Brooks? That's the biology laboratory, sir That's what I thought as you should know by now within the confines of this institution I do not approve of fraternization between faculty members of the opposite section Now then it's quite simple. Mr. Boynton is a man You are a woman sir. You didn't tell mr. Boynton No, I thought I'd better wait until he's a bit older Oh good the thing like that can make quite an impression Oh quiet Well, I know how you stand on this question, mr. Conklin, but if you'll forgive me, sir I don't think it's fair after all you yourself are a married man You don't know the meaning of loneliness. That's beside the point and also not quite factual My wife spends a good deal of her time with ladies clubs and bridge In fact just today she informed me that she's going to dinner with some local group or other That I shall be as she so winsomely puts it on my own Well, I'm sorry about that, sir, but I don't once again my little daughter shall be dependent upon her daddy to look after And her daddy shall look after her miss Brooks. I'm planning on having dinner with harry But mr. Conklin harry. It's been invited to dinner at my house I know. What are we having for dinner? Huh, I said, what are we having just the biggest crowd you ever saw daddy At noon I entered the school cafeteria and as luck would have it I spied mr. Boyden just sitting down at the table across the room Having nothing better to do. I sauntered over Hi, mr. Boyden Mind if I sit down? Oh, not at all miss Brooks. There's something I have to tell you Yes, well due to a misunderstanding on mrs. Davis's part. We won't be dining alone We won't no she invited someone else this morning and this in turn set off a rather disturbing chain reaction As it winds up. I'm having quite a dinner party. Oh, I hope you don't misunderstand miss Brooks, but I'm genuinely disappointed In fact, I'm chagrin honestly, mr. Boyd. Yes indeed Quite a blow to learn that others are going to be present tonight I'd rather hope that we'd be alone miss Brooks. Just you and me Just you and me? Yeah, that's right, but we're just the two of us we could split the pot rows You romantic fool you I can't wait until the night we whack up a salami in capri But mr. Boyd salami doesn't agree with me very well. Oh forget it mr. Boyd It was just a long sin figure of speech I thought I'd tell you who was invited. There'll be Walter Denton and Harriet Conklin and of course, mr. Conklin Why mr. Conklin because his wife's going to a hen party and left Harriet in his care and I invited Harriet But who invited mr. Conklin mr. Conklin But mr. Boyd and there's one more person I haven't mentioned yet Miss enright will be present too miss enright. Well, say that won't be so bad It won't huh. No, I don't think she goes much for pot rows Well, it could be worse I suppose I might be serving lamb chops and with those little pants on them. I know she'd go for those You know what really annoys me about the entire affair is the way miss enright Wangled her invitation out of mrs. Davis. What did she do right in hersha's meat market? She did everything but the death scene from cameo Well, I can't say that I see anything wrong in a woman employing a bit of innocent deception to attain her end I wish I could attain her end Well, actually it shows that Actually it shows that she has ingenuity She's using her gray matter but these actions clearly indicate that miss enright's a thinker Closer you'll never come But let's forget about miss enright. That may not be so easy. She's heading this way with her lunch tray Oh, maybe if we're real quiet you'll go on by Mind if I join you Oh, certainly not miss enright. Oh, let me pull up a chair for you. Oh, don't bother. I'll just shove the old laundry bag off this chair Oh, it's you miss bro Are you today you dear dear person divine darling You don't mind if I sit down do you? Oh, not at all pull up a wide chair and squat If you ladies will excuse me for a moment, I'm going to get myself a cup of coffee I see you've got yours miss enright. How about you miss bro? Do you like a cup? Oh, thanks, mr. Boynton. I'd love one fine I said I'd like some coffee mr. Boynton. Yes, I know Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm sorry here Thanks, I'll be back in a jiffy Oh, what a lovely relationship exists between you and mr. Boynton my dear I bet it makes you glow all over to bask in the warmth of his frugality Well, that's not civil We're to be dinner companions this evening. Well, we're eating under the same roof if that's what you mean Oh, don't be bitter darling By the way, I'm happy to see you're keeping yourself in good physical condition I clocked you in four seconds slack in your sprint across the cafeteria just now Was that handily or breathing? You don't mind my saying so your workout had repercussions darling. You're about to lose a heel. Oh, are you leaving so soon? Oh, you mean on my shoe. Yes The left one it's sitting see right below that spot where your stockings slop over the top Well, thanks miss henwright and if I may return the favor you seem to have a rather wide run in your stockings the right one Oh, you're not wearing stockings Sorry Look miss henwright, we may not be overly fond of each other, but we're adult human beings This verbal care-pulling is rather childish. Oh, here you are miss brook Oh, thank you, mr. Boyd, huh? Oh miss henwright. Are you all ready for our little dinner party at miss brook's place tonight? Mr. Boyd and I'm looking forward to it with baited breath. Is that cut bait or live bait? It'll be nice to have a home cooked meal for a change last night. I dined the zenith drugstore The zenith that's where you took me last saturday, isn't it? Yes But I don't think i'm going to patronize them anymore. They charge 70 cents for roast beef 70 cents Well, that's funny. I had roast beef when we were there and it only cost me 60 cents Well that night the part of madison high who had invited themselves to dinner arrived at miss brook's house Well, here we are folks. You certainly made good time walter. Yeah, how'd you like to trip mr. Conklin? I've never been on one like it then Oh, thank you, sir. I hope never to go on another Come on. I think this brooks is waiting at her front door for It's nice of you to meet us at the door like this. Huh? Oh, hello folks. I'm I'm not really meeting you I'm just looking for my key. I'm a little late getting home. That's okay, miss brooks Well, I trust this won't delay our dinner. I'm hungry enough to eat a bear I hope you're not disappointed mr. Conklin. They were all out of bear meat at the market But mrs. Davis told me on the phone that she'd have the pot roast ready by 6 30 sharp Let's see now. Here's my key Oh, there we are now just hang your hats and coats on this hall tree. Will you I'll take care of the miss brooks Yes, you'd better get back to the kitchen and add your magic touch to the forthcoming refask It's 6 15. When are the others coming? Oh, mr. Boynton said he'd be here at 6 15 sharp And mr. Boynton's very prompt is a rule. Oh, yes, indeed. You can usually set your watch by mr. Boynton Oh, welcome mr. Boynton. Come on in Oh, thank you. Good evening everyone. Hello mr. Boynton. Hi mr. Boynton Did you bring your customarily outsized appetite along tonight boynton my outsized appetite? Oh now this is going to be a gay little dinner party everybody. Let's not snarl at each other until we smell blood Oh, that must be miss enright. I'll get it Oh Come in miss enright. Good evening miss brooks Well, suppose you and harriott set the table now miss enright. I'd like to give mrs. Davis a hand You'll find you're just in silverware in the cabinet walter lift everything out for the girls. Will you sure miss brooks? You go right ahead. Well, let's sit down in the living room. Mr. Conklin, shall we? All right, I suppose so. I hope these preparations don't take too long Can I do anything to make you comfortable mr. Boynton? Yeah, mr. Boynton's as comfortable as he's gonna get miss enright. I need you over here if you don't mind please Yes, give us a hand with these dishes, won't you? Oh very well See mr. Boynton, what a domestic little mouse I am You take this cheese dish miss enright We'll make it snappy everybody. It's almost 6 30. Oh, excuse me folks, but I'm afraid I have a rather depressing bulletin What's wrong miss brooks? The pot roast hasn't even been started yet. It'll take hours to cook What manner of grim jest is this? Where's mrs. Davis? She's gone mr. Conklin, but she left me this note. I'll read it to you It says dear conny as you know my sister angela's niece wilma has been expecting a baby Well, it just arrived and since you are the godmother and wilma's husband is on the road I think she would feel better if you joined us at the hospital immediately Yours in haste mrs. Davis What colossal nerve having a baby at a time like this Oh, it can't be helped I suppose What are you gonna do miss brooks? What can I do but join them as soon as I phone the hospital? Would you drive me over mr. Boynton? Oh, I guess I'll have to but I must admit I'm terribly disappointed miss brooks Well, this is a fine dinner pot. Oh, I don't know all's well that ends well I mean come on mr. Conklin. I'll drive you and harry at home You won't get me in that jazzed up hearse again Is in right your car has four we use you will take it home But mr. Conklin, maybe I should stay with that's an order miss henry Yes, sir. Come harry. All right daddy follow us home walter. I'll cook us dinner. Good night miss brook. Good night harry Good night miss brooks. Good night. Better luck next time darling Well, I'm ready miss brooks as soon as you call the hospital we can go Hey, what's the reason for that meditative look in your eye? I remember this afternoon at lunch You said you couldn't see anything wrong and a woman employing a bit of deception to gain her end Yes, well, what has that got to do with it? Excuse me a moment mr. Boynton Oh, mrs. Davis. Yes, honey. What is it wheel out the pot roast and call me matahari Our miss brooks starring eve arden was produced and directed by larry burns Written by arthur aulsberg and al-luis with the music of flood bluskin Mr. Conklin was played by gale gorton This program came to you from the frankfurt studios of the american forces network europe And was prepared for rebroadcast over this network by specialist ed barron