 ...dedicated to the strength of the nation. We hail... Just E.O. Sullivan. United States Army and United States Air Force presentation. And here is your host, the well-known Hollywood showman, C.P. McGregor. Thank you very much and greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to your Theatre of Stars. We're all the great names from the motion picture world. Join us in plays we know you'll enjoy. Our star is that popular actor, Tom Drake. And the title of our romance comedy, His Majesty O'Sullivan. This is the story of a Brooklyn cab driver who finds that he's about to inherit the royal crown of Scotland and a bride. We'll have the curtain for His Majesty O'Sullivan in just a moment. But first, here is your announcer with an important message. Your United States Army is a volunteer army. The men and women in it have chosen the army career willingly and they serve their country proudly. They come from every state of the 48 farms from every walk of American life. They know the blessings of peace and they want to do their part to help maintain peace throughout the world. They like the American way of life and want to continue it. Through the uniform of the United States Army, they see a way to serve themselves and their country. They study, train, and work. Yes, and when they have time, they play. They're happy at their job and proud of their part on the team for security, the national defense team. All these are part of the United States Army career. That's why yours is an all-volunteer army. Once again, here is your host, C.P. McGregor. And now act one of His Majesty O'Sullivan starring Tom Drake. Did you ever hear of a squirt by the name of Michael Donald O'Sullivan? That's plain silly. But wait a minute, is it now? Let's back up. In New York, there was a cabbie who, according to all available information unfiled in the census department of our great and glorious domain, was born in Christen, Michael Donald O'Sullivan. He was born in the year of 1900. Oh well, he's 31 years of age. He has red hair and blue eyes and a temper to go with them. On his upper left arm, he is a strawberry mark. Doesn't sound important, but wait. Oh yes, and to complete the record, he's an American citizen, solid. Hi, Taylor. There's more to it than appears on the record. But your lordship, how can we be sure? Sure. Why, just take a look, man. Strawberry mark, upper left arm. That's the mark of a lachlan. It does seem a startling coincidence. However, your lordship, a cab driver and a Brooklyn cab driver at that, it's almost fantastic. Fantastic or no, I'll wager the king's crown himself that this man is he. If it's only true, our search will have come to an end. And I can go to my grave peacefully. Taylor. Yes, your lordship. Investigate this man, and if he be the one, bring him here to Lady Jane and me. Yes, your lordship. Go now, and may our prayers go with you. May this man be the man we quest for, this Michael Donald O'Sullivan. Pretty good this morning. Just going for a pick up now, some of the board game crowd there, but it's free. Yeah, who's pitching today? Well, the Dodgers are using Wyatt, and I think the crowds are starting to cooper. Hey, that sounds like a pretty good bill. I get finished in time, I guess I'll run on over. Me too. Well, keep it warm here. Yeah, see you, Joe. Okay, so long, Mike. I, uh, bid your pardon. Huh? Oh, taxi, mister. Thank you, no. I'm looking for someone. I wondered if you could help me. Well, I inquired at the main office, and they informed me that I might find a driver named Michael Donald O'Sullivan in this vicinity. Do you happen to know him? You, uh, don't collect him? No. Okay, I'm O'Sullivan. Oh, really? Well, it's very gratifying to make your acquaintance, Mr. O'Sullivan. Oh, it is, huh? Indeed. My name is Taylor, Lord Consort, member of the Court of Loughlin. Sounds like Greek to me. No, Scotch. Okay, Doc, skip the jokes. Well, I've been sent here to contact you at the request of his lordship, Lord Macintosh of Loughlin. Never heard of him. What's his racket? Racket? Yeah, the pitch. What's his graft? What's he do for a living? Oh, well, his lordship is at the nobility. Oh, you mean he ain't got a job, huh? Yes. Uh, uh, that is no. I'm afraid you're confusing me a bit, Mr. O'Sullivan. Sorry, Doc. Yes, well, uh, to get back, we've been led to understand that you possess a strawberry mark on your upper left arm. Hey, wait a minute. How'd you know that? That it's true. May I see it, please? Hey, what's the big idea? Now, don't get upset about it, Mr. O'Sullivan. Oh, no. You make a habit of going around looking at people's birthmarks. Oh, please, Mr. O'Sullivan. Go on, hit the road. And I like your general attitude. Mr. O'Sullivan, this is extremely important, believe me. I have a check here for $10,000 made out in your name. Ten grand? Ten grand for me? Yes. You see, we intend to reimburse you for any inconvenience in the event that you are not the party we believe you to be. Well, now, if that don't make a lot of sense, let me see that check. Gladly. Hmm. Michael, Donald, O'Sullivan, $10,000. Chase National Bank. Hey, it looks like a good one. I assure you that Lord Macintosh's person will check his beyond question. Okay, I'll bite. What does Mac want me to do? Lord Macintosh would like you to join him at his embassy estate in Washington, D.C. I'm prepared to take you there. Uh-uh. Not before I call a bank and find out whether this check's going to bounce or not. If you happen to be referring to the authenticity of the check, you're perfectly welcome to call and have it verified. Okay, okay. Now, where do we go from there? What am I supposed to do after we hit Washington, if I go? There, you will undergo a complete examination, psychoanalysis, blood check, and final lineage investigation. What was that last one? Proof of your ancestry. You have a birth certificate, have you not? Well, sure, sure. I was born, wasn't I? Very well. Now, if you'll be good enough to show me that strawberry mark. Well, okay, okay. Here. Hmm. It's perfect. A perfect replica of the Loughran mark. Well, uh, who's this guy, Loughran? The Loughran history dates back to Queen Mary I. According to our information, by the 31st cousin once removed, you are an only descendant of her most reverent majesty. Well, uh, what does that make me, the king of Cyann? No, Mr. O'Sullivan. If our information is correct, it makes you the king of Scotland. And now once again, please. How do you address a queen, Mr. O'Sullivan? Your majesty. And a lord? Your lordship. And an earl? Your lordship. No. No, no, no. Now, that's the third time you've listed. An earl is addressed as your excellency, the same as an ambassador and a governor. Okay, okay, but I still think the whole thing's a lot of hogwash. What do I have to learn all this stuff for? I've told you, Mr. O'Sullivan, every king must learn caught etiquette. That's just what I mean, doc. Look, why don't you get your marbles counted right? You know as well as I do, I ain't no king. I'm Michael O'Sullivan, Brooklyn cab driver. Sir, his lordship and I have spent years of painstaking research establishing the origin of your ancestry. I assure you there is every indication that you are possessed of royal blood. Okay, okay, I give up. If you and your palace grew enough to drop 10 grand just for me to take a trip to Washington... And an examination. Sure, sure, an examination. Well, anyway, if that's the case, who am I to squawk? One thing, though. Yes? Well, I'm kind of curious. What kind of a cut does this guy Mackintosh get out of the deal? I make your problem. Well, I forgot, you don't speak very good English. Well, what I mean is, what's his tie-up in this thing anyway? Oh, well, Lord Mackintosh and his daughter Lady Jane are also locker rooms, albeit not direct descendants such as yourself. Therefore, if there actually be a locker room of the crown, it is his lordship's desire to join this king and lady in wedlock, thus perpetuating the royal name. Well, now, if that ain't something... You mean if I come up with the winning ticket, I draw this here babe as my missus? If you are king, Lady Jane will be your wife. Well, look, Dark, it's a good thing that I ain't gonna be king. Because nobody could ever talk me into a routine like that. When I get hitched, I pick my own wife. You know, we're kind of funny about those things in Brooklyn. Yes. Well, fortunately, Mr. O'Sullivan, we haven't crossed that bridge yet. For the present, I believe we'd best get on with the business at hand. Now, how do you address an Earl? Huh? Oh, an Earl, an Earl. He's, uh, uh, your excellency. Correct. Now an ambassador? Uh, uh... Uh, he's the same thing, ain't he? Yes. Uh, your excellency. That's good. Very good. Open wide, please, Mr. O'Sullivan. Listen, I, uh... That's it, wider, wider. Now, number of teeth, 32. He has all his teeth. Eh, that's funny. Hey, look, I don't... Cross your legs, please. Hey, that's... Ouch. Now, the other. Hey, look out. Hmm? Reflect is excellent. Bounty. Now, Mr. O'Sullivan, carefully now, who was the commanding union general in the Civil War? Well, everybody knows that. Grant. Yes. Now, tell me, where would you find the Nipah River? Uh, Russia, I think. Uh-huh. Now, the first president of the United States. Uh, George Washington. Well, common knowledge. Good. Well, Lordship. Doctor, the blood check. I have it here. His blood is Type B. Type B? Ah, yes. Lord Macintosh? Aye, doctor. His blood checks. You mean? The examination of Hort's complete proof that this man is a doctrine. You're certain? Sire, I would stake my reputation on it. Hey, now listen, fellas, I don't like to be a killjoy. Your majesty. Hey, look, Mac, that goes for you, too. I... Hey, wait a minute. What did you call me? Your majesty. It is a great day you've given to the scum. It is that your majesty. My majesty. Ha, ha, ha. Well, what do you know? You guys are really sold on this thing, ain't you? Taylor, you'll make all the necessary arrangements for the coronation. We will return to Scotland for the ceremonies, your lordship. Aye, within the fortnight. Hey, now wait a minute. No, you don't. Look, up until now, I've been a big broad-minded guy about the whole clan bake. But right here's where I draw the line. If you guys think you're going to put the snatch on me, you're crazy. I don't quite follow you, your majesty. I ain't taking no more trips to Scotland or anywhere else. This is the end of the line as far as I'm concerned. I'm getting off. Your uncle Mike is hitting a trail back to Brooklyn. Your majesty. Don't worry, Mac. I'll give you your dough back. I'll accept the train fare. I think I deserve that. Well, so long, chums. Hey, your majesty, you cannot leave. Oh, no. Well, just watch me. Your majesty, you mustn't go. You mustn't go. You belong to Scotland, no. I don't belong to nobody. I'm an American citizen, see? Goodbye, chums. Stop him, Taylor. Doctor. Hey, your majesty, we cannot let you leave. Stand back, both you guys. You must not leave. Keep your hands off me. You cannot go. Keep away now. Oh, so that's the way you want it, huh? What's going on here? All right. Come on, guys. One at a time. And so the curtain comes down on F1 of His Majesty O'Sullivan, starring Tom Drake. In just a moment, act two, but first a word from our government. We Americans can be proud that our army is composed entirely of volunteers. Yes, that's right. The only all-volunteer army in the history of the world. There are reasons why so many of America's finest men have chosen to make the U.S. Army their life work. First, there is the pride each individual soldier feels in wearing the uniform and serving his country as part of the team for security, the national defense team. His is a respected position in American life. Then there is the career angle. And by the career angle, we mean that the U.S. Army soldier receives some of the finest vocational training in the world in a skill or trade for which he is suited. In addition, he receives further education as he wishes to improve himself and make him a better citizen and a better soldier. He has security in his job at the same time. Yes, these and many more are the reasons why hundreds of thousands of America's finest have chosen to serve their country in the U.S. Army uniform. The curtain rises on act two of His Majesty O'Sullivan starring Tom Drake as Michael O'Sullivan. Getting back to Michael O'Sullivan, we're sorry to report that Mr. O'Sullivan dropped a free-for-all decision to Lord Macintosh and his personal aids. His Majesty, now under guard, is alone in his study, rather disconsolate about the whole affair. Well, a fine thing, won't you, guerrillas? To be whistling out the other side of the mouth when J. Edgar Hoover hears about this. Yeah? Come in. Your Majesty? Well, who are you? I am Lady Jane, sire. Oh, you're the Danish got a cap set for me, huh? Your Majesty? Never mind, Skippet. What do you want? A bearer gift, sire. For me? Yes, sire. I trust that you will find pleasure in this humble offering. Oh, a book. Well, uh, thanks. I've written an inscription on the flyleaf, Your Majesty. Huh? Oh, oh, the flyleaf, yeah, yeah. To His Royal Majesty, Michael, in deepest affection, cousin Jane. Yeah, well, this is swell, thanks a million. Uh, hey, uh, wait a minute. What's with this cousin routine? We are cousins, sire. 16th twice removed. You were not away? Well, uh, not until now I wasn't. It comes in as a surprise, Your Majesty. Surprise? Me, surprised? Huh, what about? 48 hours ago I'm a cab driver in Brooklyn, now I'm the King of Scotland. I get locked up in this room, because I'm gonna be crowned or something. You bring me a book, and you ask me if I'm surprised. My lady, you may not know it, but you're talking to the original, unsurprisable kid. I can understand your confusion, Your Majesty. Yeah? Well, then you're the only one around here who isn't a square. Square? I'll explain it to you later. Now look, Jane, maybe you can tell me something. Ain't God outside my door gonna keep me locked up in here for good? The guard at your Majesty? I'm very much afraid they will. That isn't who we leave for Scotland. However, the garden outside is yours. You're free to go there. The wall's too high, nobody could climb over that. We wish to escape. Oh, you bet your life I do. I can understand that, too. Yeah? Well, say you're okay, Janey. You're okay. Looks like you and me are gonna get along fine. Thank you, Your Majesty. Yeah, only, do me a favor, huh? Yes, Your Majesty. Drop that Majesty business. My name's Mike. Now go ahead, say it. Call me Mike. Very well. Mike? Oh, that's terrific. Just keep saying it. I feel like I haven't heard my name in years. Yes. Mike. Oh, that's great. Thanks. Come on, cousin. Let's take a walk in the garden. I'll, uh, pick you a tulip. Janey. Jane. Yes, Mike? I just figured it out. I don't know. I can't understand why I haven't figured it out before. You said you'd help me, Jane. Of course, Mike. Okay then. Take this letter here. Mail it the first chance you get. Of course, don't let anybody see you're doing it. I won't. Good. Janey, that letter's gotta reach Joe Yubansky at the Checkered Cad Company in Brooklyn before Thursday at the latest. You won't let me down, will you? You can trust me, Mike. Sure, I know I can, Janey. Mike, tell me about Brooklyn. Now you're kidding. I mean joking. No, no. Ever since I can remember, I've wondered what it was like outside my world. Even when I was a little girl, I used to sit by the castle window for hours. I'd imagine all sorts of wonderful things. Places where people lived, where they were all the same. There were no kings or queens or little girls imprisoned in castles. Please tell me about Brooklyn. Oh, sure, Janey, sure. Do they have Indians in Brooklyn like they do in... in California? There are no Indians in California, Janey. Somebody told me there were. A new place called San Francisco. Oh, you mean the Stanford Indians? Aye, that's who they were. Well, Janey, they're really not Indians. They're a football team. It's only a name, and they call the Brooklyn baseball team the Dodgers. Baseball? You've never seen a baseball game, either? No. Well, haven't you ever had a hot dog? Haven't you ever had a bottle of soda pop? No. Oh, gee, Janey, you really got a lot of living to catch up on. Mike, would you take me to a baseball game sometime? Show me a hot dog and a soda pop? Sure, sure, Janey. Promise, Mike? Mm-hmm. Sure, I promise. Hey, who's out there? Joe. My gosh, Joe. Mike! Quiet, you darn fool. You want to wake everybody up? Come on in. I thought you were never going to get here. Well, I just got you on there this morning. Hey, what goes around here anyway? I'll tell you all about it later. Did you bring the ladder? Of course. How do you think I got over that wall? Your cab here? Out in the bank, just like you told me. Well, let's get going. Hey, but, Mike, I still don't get... Come on, come on, and don't make so much noise. But we're cooked. Okay, but I don't know. I don't get it. Shut up, shut up. Now, stick right with me. Now, where's the ladder? Over by the path over there. Hey, be quiet. Mike. Janey. Janey, what are you doing here? I saw you from my room. You're leaving, aren't you? Yeah, Janey, yeah. Tonight? Mm-hmm. Right now. But, Mike, what about the baseball game? You said... Oh, I'm sorry, Janey. I... No hot dogs? They're so tough. No, Janey. You promised, Mike. I know, but I can't help it, Janey. I got to get out of here. You understand that? You said you did. Janey, I tell you, I can't help it. I got to get out of this place. I got to leave here right now. You understand, Janey? Come on, Joe. Hey, cut that out. What's the matter? Just don't whistle that. Well, what's eating you? Nothing, nothing. Just quit whistling and pay attention to your driving. Okay, if it'll make you happy. Mike, would you take me to a baseball game sometime? Show me a hot dog and soda pop? Sure, Janey, sure. Promise, Mike? I promise, Janey. Joe. Huh? Turn around. What? You heard me turn around. Oh, Mike. We're going back. Going back. That's right. Turn around, Joe. Oh, Sullivan, you're back. Are you? Yeah, well, you can quit looking. And you don't have to call out the guards because I came back to give myself up. I'm going to go for this king routine, but only for one reason. I made a promise to Janey. It won't be necessary. What won't be? We've just received word from the old country there's been a dreadful mistake, oh, Sullivan. Hey, watch your tone, Bob. I'm my majesty to you. That's just it, oh, Sullivan. You're not. What are you talking about? About your 31st cousin once removed. We've recently been informed that your 31st cousin was twins. Yeah, so? One of the twins, Donald, married into the royal family. However, the other, Michael, ran away from court at an early age to marry a barmaid. Well, now, that sounds more like your Sullivan's. Precisely. Michael's wife was a no-Sullivan. Then, uh, I ain't no king. No. Well, uh... What about my strawberry mark and the other stuff? Well, you are a locker and no-Sullivan, but, uh... Yeah. Unfortunately, you happen to be a black sheep. Well, now, if that ain't rich, does, uh, Janie know about this? I believe Lady Jane has been informed. Good. Oh, Sullivan, where are you going? Don't bother me, Buster. I got things to do. Mr. Rue Sullivan. How are you, Mac? Janie, have you heard about me yet? Yes. You still want to go see that ball game? Oh, Mac, yes. Yes, of course I do. Well, then, well, then, come on. We're leaving. Mr. Rue Sullivan. You keep out of this, Mac. You had your chance a long time ago to make Janie happy, and all you did was mess the whole thing up. Well, let me tell you something. She's going to be happy now. For the first time in her life, I'm going to see to that. I'm going to spend my whole life seeing to it. We're going to go to Coney Island Saturday afternoons, and every Sunday we'll be watching that baseball game, eating hot dogs, and maybe throwing a pop bottle or two at the yump. Come on, Janie. Just got the ladder waiting outside. Okay, Mike. Let's go. Mr. Rue Sullivan. Yeah, what is it, Mac? Please, Mon, wait for me and Taylor, lad. You know, we've never seen a baseball game either. Well, what do you know, Janie? The curtain falls in the final act of His Majesty, or Sullivan. Our star, Tom Drake, will return for a curtain call after this timely message from Wendell Niles. For the young woman interested in a professional career, here is a real opportunity. The Women's Army Corps now has openings in a wide range of duty specialties, ranging from communications to finance or administration. If you're between 18 and 34, a high school graduate, single and otherwise qualified, the Women's Army Corps offers you an important, exciting future. Travel, specialization, advanced learning. Visit your nearest U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force Recruiting Station for career details. And I'll back at the microphone your host, C.P. McGregor, and our star, Tom Drake. Well, Tom, that was a royal job you did as His Majesty, or Sullivan. Thanks, C.P. It was fun doing the show. Say, Tom, before you broke into pictures, weren't you the juvenile lead in the New York stage play, Janie? I believe there was some very small print at the bottom of the program to that effect. Well, it must have been large enough for a certain MGM talent scout to read, for I understand it was on the basis of your performance in Janie that led to a term contract at Metro-Goldwyn-Mare. Yes, and next to being the luckiest thing, I'd say it was just about the fastest thing that ever happened to me. I arrived in town on Monday, took my screen test Tuesday, and signed a contract on Wednesday. Sounds like quite a triple play. Well, a box score would have probably read Tinkers to Evers to Pasternak. This, of course, is Mr. Joe Pasternak, the producer. This, of course, is none other. I see. Continue. Well, thanks to Mr. Pasternak. A very phenomenal thing happened to me. That being? That being a part in Two Girls and a Sailor with Junie Allison, Glory to Haven, and Van Johnson. Don't tell me you won the girls from Van Johnson. CP, how naive can you be? Oh, you mean that when it comes to girls in Van Johnson? Naturally. Well, Tom, after seeing you, I don't think you have a thing to worry about. And say, by the way, what's your next program? Next week, Tom, ladies and gentlemen, the lovely lady of stage and screen, Mary Anderson, joins us to star in our drama titled The Miracle of San Juan Capistrano. This is a vivid story of a boy and girl in love. But the girl decides to try for a stage career before settling down to married life. She finds the key that will bring her fame and fortune, but decides that love and home have a stronger claim on her future. Be sure to join us next week. Until then, this is CP McGregor saying thanks for listening and cheerio from Hollywood. The courtesy of the Hollywood Coordinating Committee, which arranges for the appearance of all stars on this program. This script was by Lou Reed with the music of Eddie Dunstetter. This program is transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.