 Tell me how you feel Cuz I just want to feel with you black girl. Tell me how you really feel. I just want to keep it real with you Yeah, I want to live better. I want to love better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned Sublime I want to live better One time for elevated rhymes two times for showmanship three times for black hands and land ownership revolution I bring to you where the rain bling to you nissy blues on war tools singing to you I am the rebel without a pause no applause trust me I am Chuck D getting mine off Many fools they clock watching my moves and I needed to reappraise a little flavor took some time off now back Jesus black Vida slumbering unborn all could have covered the curtain until I'm the rose that rose the edges pros and Rosetta stone Still yelling to do a megaphone always repping baby forever home. I'm the part calling the kettle black I am the flame keeping the kettle warm. I'm the blame for the Renaissance. It's called. I write and recite it with I love you and write it recited with down feathers on that mean that shit cold And I'm the coldest listen. It's the message right here black boy. Tell me how you really feel Cuz I just want to feel with you black girl. Tell me how you really feel. I Want to keep it real with you. I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned Y'all give a round of applause to this band right now What's up family welcome welcome welcome Welcome welcome back To another episode of we need to talk live tonight We will be joined by my guest Sean and Clarissa Some of you guys may Recognize their faces. They were featured on one of our episodes of the black marriage master class So as always, this is our opportunity to pick their brains and you know, first of all I'll figure out what the experience has been like since appearing on the channel learn more about their work and Kind of dive into The good the bad and the ugly of what came out of their interview. We're gonna look at the comments. I feel like there was One reaction video Yeah, we'll just we'll just talk to them pick their brain on current events and the like but It's always appreciate you guys for being here. You could have been anywhere on this Friday evening But you chose to join us So I am appreciative of that and I want to thank each and every one of you guys Let's see who's in here. I see Noah Shout out to you brother Filly kid long time no see man. What's going on brother. What's going on? Miss Elsie the lovely miss Elsie. Thank you so much for being here Benny Benny says bro many thanks for continuing the work. I appreciate it man. I'm like I said I'm trying to figure out ways to make it sustainable and if you guys have noticed my cameras off one of the ways that I found to make this thing more sustainable is To just go back to focusing on audio, right? So at times I'll turn it on, you know, but I want to fade back into the background and Make sure that my initial purpose of creating a stage for my guests is priority so tonight the focus will definitely be the the couple and Their philosophy around this particular subject matter again. I'm just gonna be background. I'm gonna do my best You know Kyrie Irvin Impersonation and just throw alley-oops as best as I can Paul appreciate you for being here brother so if you guys haven't seen or known I have been trying out a new format for content again The theme is sustainability. I'm focusing very heavily on sustainability You know one of the things that I found unfortunately, I'm not happy about it, but current events Current events move the needle So my recent goal has been trying to tie or use current events as kind of a springboard to Get back to the mission or at least Continue to grow the audience. So if you haven't seen my case studies, I did a case study Well, I did two yesterday. I did one on the Janelle Monae incident. I did another on the Kiki Palmer incident I did another couple days ago about the the Perry's Jackie O Perry and Preston Perry I did another about Carlisha hood and dr. Umar Johnson. I did another on the Apple Vision Pro so also Sukiyana and and you know, so I've been trying to leverage the momentum that current events creates to Again help keep this thing sustainable So if you guys haven't already navigate over to the videos tab and spend a little bit of time watching those I try to elaborate on some of the concepts I bring up during the Kevin Samuel series during the listen a black man series and Try to use the current event to kind of break those things down So you can definitely support this stream or any other stream or any other video by clicking that like button hitting up, you know super chat is mr. Paul author is done or I would actually encourage you to hit up the Cash app shout out to mr. And Sean 25 dollar cash app he says love the work you do brother So that cash app is cash sign Wnt talk and the reason cash apps are better is because You know YouTube garnishes our wages. So if you give me a one dollar cash App, I mean, I'm sorry one dollar super chat for instance I only get like 70 cents of that So if you want everything to go to the mission, please hit up that cash app And I will do my best to have those pull up on the screen and I'll actually prioritize those over super chats moving forward So help a brother out But yeah, um, let me see any housekeeping things that I am missing Oh, yeah, so threads Instagram's Twitter just launched and Apparently our profile is profile number 60 million something So we're on threads, you know, just look up WNT talk and you'll see you'll see the You'll see the profile up go ahead and click that follow button. I'm going to Use that kind of like Twitter. I wasn't really on Twitter. So threads is gonna act as Correspondents in case we get banned off YouTube again. So Definitely follow us there If you don't know how to get there just click on the info tab on The profile and you'll see a bunch of links. You'll see the Instagram link Spotify the website merch and and all the links there. So Definitely go check that out Let me see if there's anything I'm missing because as soon as I bring our guests up Like I said their quarterback in well our quarterback, but they'll be the stars of the show Yeah, I think that's it so without further ado virtual hand claps for Mr. Sean and Make y'all big and make me smell how y'all doing What's going on brother doing good man doing good doing good. I appreciate y'all being here I also appreciate y'all coming all the way down here from Texas to do an interview with me I really really appreciate that man So how did y'all even find out about the channel and saw enough value in it to say listen We're gonna take that that plane ride to South Kackalackie To sit on that on that brown couch Well, South Carolina, first of all is wonderful. We had a great time Me too, I'm not even I'm not even mad at that South Carolina is the first to succeed. So that's that's fair. That's fair I assume Texas is the same way It's different Mmm Well to be to be fair Greenville is a pump fake because Greenville is kind of like I Would say Greenville for us is kind of like what Austin is for y'all Most people who live here aren't from here, right? So it's it's the more gentrified side of South Carolina Callie Yeah, so what what was the experience like actually being interviewed and The questions that I asked How I how I picked y'all's brain about the ins and outs of marriages and y'all's lives and a whole nine What was that process like for you? Well First of all, I think to answer your first question was and you popped up on my feet one day I was I'm always listening to relationship stuff on YouTube And you just popped up on the feet one day and I was like, let me check this dude out and I started watching and I was hooked. I think I saw watching probably about Two years ago, maybe Wow Yeah, I was watching about two years ago. Yeah, and I was working nights. So I was just I just had the YouTube channel just playing and I was listening to comment and stuff And then that's when I hit you up because I think you're saying something about marriage And I was like, well, let me hit them up I hit you up in the comments and then that's how we connected. So I was like, oh, I'm about to sit on the couch Absolutely, and I appreciate you for that. A lot of people don't think I'm like Approachable or like, you know, I'm saying you could people can get to me if they're you know If we're aligned as far as our values and things like that Clarissa, what about you? What was the experience like for you? Because I threw some bombs at you. I ain't even gonna lie You know, I was nervous So I was a little daunting at first, but you did you were really nice to me I was kind of waiting for the the bad stuff It's all good listen, I'm still trying to get used to this whole and that's why I decided to stop doing the camera thing But being a persona it's it's it's it's different for me personally, but um So, okay, you said that you were nervous because Again, a lot of what has dominated the conversation of this conversation on the internet has been antagonistic has been you know, and If I'm being fair, I think Kevin Samuels own some of that blame Why do you think that's kind of been the established? Approach a lot of people are having when it comes to conversation between black men and black women Clickbait to me, you know You want something that's gonna draw people to come to your channel and to come listen to what you have to say And when people are going at each other's throat that brings more attention Oh She said that it like you're coming for each other So you get more attention and brings money and unfortunately, you know, we're not having The most healthiest conversations Absolutely, absolutely. What about you Sean? What do you think about especially as somebody who is a public figure in your own, right? Has has some of that gotten to you where like people are even surprised by your approach Yeah, I've been called everything online I Scent a Scent for being in love with with one woman I've been a simp for a green with my wife I've been a simp for providing for my family. So it's it's crazy Yeah, the internet is wild, but I don't really I don't let it bother me man because at 46 I've been caught everything so You know comments don't scare me. I mean I'm living, you know, I'm living a real life, you know, so thank you each other like that's me You know, I don't I don't do it for the cap or none of that. So That's how it is for me in my life Absolutely, absolutely. And you know meeting you guys was was phenomenal like y'all were real good people easy to talk to I Try to think I'm a good judge of character But the time I spent with you guys it was it was really impactful on me So I appreciate both of you. Um, but let's let's talk about the whole Go ahead. I'm sorry Let's let's talk about the simp thing because I think that's a good place to start you said that you Have been referred to as a simp because you agree with women or at least you try to empathize with some of their perspectives how do you even understand the term and How do you push back against because in my opinion? I think simp is overused the same way that Pick me is overused in a female community, right? So how do you understand? simping in the context that other people are using it and What is it that you're trying to do or that you do that's different from how they would really identify some Well to be blunt from what I've seen online and what people call simps Is like, oh, you're not getting enough women. You're not you're not getting enough Regina, I don't know if that's the right word, but that's all right Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm you know, you're not getting enough women and stuff like that So that's the term that I've heard as pick me for men And correct me if I'm wrong. I don't even know is it I don't even really know the correct definition I just know it's something negative by most guys how I handle it is I Let people be who they are. So even like on my channel the people call me a simp or something like that I was like, hey, thanks for watching and commenting. I appreciate that Yeah, like I don't I don't believe in haters is just a bunch of Misunderstood people That's all they just see life different. I'm happy. So that's why I don't bother Right, right. And I think that's that's a really big part of it. I I guess the the definition of simp that I've heard that kind of makes sense to me is somebody who Kind of tries to earn people's affection by putting out more effort that then is due to that person Right. So like the girl hasn't even told you her name, but you buying her a car or for instance What's his name for the he plays for the Warriors? He spent like $500,000 on ice spice the rapper Jordan pool Jordan pool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jordan pool. He took he took this rapper on a date and spent $500,000 he bought her car like and mace and Camron were making fun of him saying that he could have bought her a pizza cuz she's from Brooklyn, right? So that to me that to me is a simp when you're trying to do too much too early What about you Clarissa? How would you because you know on the female side is pick me How do you? Identify, okay Man a is a simp man B is just a good dude and he cares about women I'll probably see steps more of men who kind of pander to women Like they only say what they think women want to hear um or they're constantly like bashing other men a simp is a man who like I remember You know back in the old days and I was dating this guy came to me and told me all this negative stuff about a guy that he needs that I was dating and I'm just like And the guy was actually a really good guy, but I was like, why why do you feel the need to tell this God is saying this stuff. He's like real. Hey duration real to me was a simp, you know That was my definition of it Do you feel like the term from a female perspective? Do you feel like the term is overused? Yes, because they say it for everything like They said he was a simp because he Speaking of the comments They said my husband was a simp because he married me because I when I had a child already Like how does it make you a simp? Oh, yeah, like you made you made a yeah one comment You made a woman with a child or something like that like Like we're older People start having babies later on in life You don't probably especially on your second marriage if I don't marry somebody with some children, you know, I'm saying it happens But to cause someone to stimp because of that is Completely acid on me, but that's my opinion. I can only speak to myself. So Absolutely, absolutely. So so Sean like A lot of The conversation right now, you know around the hemisphere even, you know, when it comes to the male female dynamic I think it's it's rooted in fear It's rooted in You know, kind of expecting the worst to happen With with the men that you're seeing Say, you know, whether the ones who are calling you simp or the ones who are saying that you're you're You know out of touch or whatever the case may be What do you think they're misunderstanding about your approach and your thinking when it comes to The grace that you give women and the the level of understanding and patience that you give Women either generally or more specifically to like your wife or your daughters or your aunties or women that you see publicly I just been around a long time man I think a lot of times this simp stuff is kind of more of a new age They're kind of younger generations. No shade not not everybody's like that But I think it's the younger generation who don't have patience people who don't have grace Who who operating in her they say as a quote that said, uh He old people hear different So when you're not when you're not listening like you can tell when people trauma is talking So that's how I respond to people when somebody says something like I'll tell people I made my wife in six months and people will be like That's what insecure men do and I'm like, oh, that's your trauma talking. So I don't I don't combat that I'm like Hey, I appreciate you taking time to Comment, you know, and just real simple stuff and actually I'm One more people over like that because those are the very same people that hit you in the D I'm like, hey, I got a question. I'm like You simping on social media, but you you hit might be in you know saying so and and that's all love man I understand there's a lot of hurt people out here And there's a lot of people who don't know how to extend grace there's a lot of people who like to To hurt other people because they heard they just need to take it out on somebody So I realize man, we have more hurt people than we think so I I even extend grace to them because I'm good Yeah, yeah, so to kind of kick off the conversation. Let's start with some with some current events And I'm gonna throw this to both of y'all The most recent thing is the kiki Palmer situation I'm gonna Wherever y'all want to go with that. Tell me how you think and how you feel and how you feel like What's the lesson? How should we be looking at this thing? Especially as a married couple Yo may go. Yeah, go ahead because we talked about this earlier Okay, I'm gonna be a real extra real quick. Let me find me So I feel like in Clarissa's world because I can only speak for me How people run their house whole is completely up to them But it's in my opinion. My daddy taught me a long time ago What happens in your house and to stay in your house? You don't go telling the whole world your business and I don't know it's her I guess um Child's father Was his name There is there is yeah, okay It was completely inappropriate for him To take the stuff that he felt About her to the internet. I felt like She wasn't purposely purposefully trying to embarrass him by wearing that outfit I actually think she looks really nice that Men don't understand when after a woman has a child Most women go through postpartum Okay, your body is different a lot of women go through body dysmorphia Because their body does not look the same before a lot of women are having places sag that they didn't have sag before Dark spots hyperpigmentation. So the fact that kiki Palmer is getting the opposite of that Mama getting thick like booty getting bigger breast are filled out. She has hips now Skin is cleared up Like she's getting to enjoy the postpartum part And a lot of women don't get that opportunity So i'm really excited and happy to see her being able to be in this space because I didn't think about me It was a complete opposite for me. I struggled in the postpartum phase, you know So seeing her enjoying her life and enjoying her kid enjoying her man and stuff So for him to get on there and say but you a mom though and all this other kind of stuff and bring their business to the internet The internet is not your friend. He thought he was gonna give you but on that internet and embarrass her But it backfired and he embarrassed himself And now their relationship is in turmoil. He should have brought that to her attention If it didn't work with her He should have went and hired him some counselors And brought it and went to couples counseling about it And then he should have brought it to Jesus that didn't work. Actually, you should have went to Jesus first Okay, bring it to Jesus first and see if you need to check yourself. You know what I'm saying? and so Like but to put it on the internet and try to purposefully embarrass her like that It was wrong. Now if he really felt a way about that outfit He is well within his right. The booty cheeks were out. I get it I thought she looked good because compared to what most of these people being out here wearing these things She was good, you know But um Like I'm sure she probably had a stylist who gave her that outfit You know, she had he has taken videos of her twerking before and shaking her little booty with her new nice booty out here So she probably didn't think it was a problem. You know what I'm saying? I don't really think she would have put that outfit on knowing he was gonna be upset You know what I'm saying? So and I could be totally wrong again. This is me speculating because I don't know They rich they gotta tell the money They look at their best life. I don't know but From the outside looking at that's what I was so and it just wasn't right in my opinion Does he is he have every right to feel how he felt? Absolutely. If you don't like the outfit Go ahead, but tell her not the internet right All right, and that's the thing. So I did a case study about it And I actually agree with you He's he seems really inconsistent because like you said he he posted a video of her shaking her butt Trying to show off to the world So I think really what it was was the usher piece. I really don't think it was the outfit piece If i'm being honest, I think it was the usher piece Then I think also like he got with skinny, you know, nope kiki palmer He didn't get He didn't get with this one. So, you know, with no It's some safety today You know what I'm saying? But with this one, he's like, oh shit, you know I don't have just like no any streets right now What about you shy? What are your thoughts on the whole thing? Uh, I agree with Clarissa, man, like For you to put that online again to me. It's your division Right if you go online and you put your spouse on blast or I think that's that's to me. That's what triggered me out They're not married From what I've seen on these big sites or whatever they say boyfriend So I think that's the division man, I think that's the biggest issue you go put her on blasts on social media You know, and then like you said the inconsistency And even with the outfit If she was skinny, many kiki palmer, they wouldn't have tripped But now now she got a little tna You know, I'm saying now it's a different ball game But I just think that bothered what bothered me the most was the division like I would never put my spouse out there Like at the end of the day, we got to sleep together You know, if you if you're not paying my bills and when we not and we sleeping together like You don't have any say so, you know, I'm saying like, who are you? You know, so I think it was the division man because now your home is is in shambles and you got the internet talking about you Unless it was just a marketing boy where it was just like hey, we need to get our names out there some more You know I'm saying like if it was a marketing scheme, that's something different because now everybody's talking about you It's true, you know, so, you know, who knows probably people probably streaming her movies. They're like, who is kiki palmer? Let me go see her discography. So Okay, so what about the usher piece because I think we're talking about the outfit but carissa, what about Another man serenading her they hugged up. They slow dancing. She turned in form to look at the boot What about that? I mean, it's like awesome serious stuff. He is a performer. He is an entertainer literally It is his job to get the crowd going. He wants every woman to feel like they're kiki palmer in that moment They want everyone to be like, oh, I wish I was her. I wish usher was serenading me right now I'm sinking in my ear and I wish I got the hug usher like he's literally giving you an experience That's his job. She is an actress. What's he gonna do when she gets on screen? And she has to do a sex scene with somebody or has to kiss another man or something like that to me They were doing a performance like And I'm sure she's not worried about it because he does it every single night It was not just kiki palmer. He did that too. He doesn't every time he does a show to some type of woman in that audience So it's like that's part of the game. You know what I'm saying? Like that's what he does, you know, like He's a performer. He's an entertainer. Now, are you going to probably be salty about it? Yes But But you're getting your money's worth like You getting all your money's worth for that show that you went to And I'm saying like I don't know. I don't think it's something for him to be upset about It could be different if it was a man like That she was finna go and sleep with and it was not a performer and doing all the other kind of stuff But literally that's pressure to chop like my opinion It's not fact. It's my What what about you? Sean is there a um Is there some leeway given if it's a famous man or like as a man I don't want to see nobody hugged over my wildcalf is a performance a second I I don't want to see it on the internet You know what I'm saying? You come home kissing me in the mouth. Like I'm kind of I'm kind of a little torn because I'm like If you think about it from from a broad perspective Whoever he was with whoever they were waiting before you they was They was doing some usher stuff You know I'm saying whoever they was waiting before you I'm just saying you know I'm saying like we all got past we all got You know I'm saying we all got you know skeletons in the closet or whatever, you know, uh They were a lot more than usher Yeah, it was going way. Yeah, they weren't doing as much with usher as they was doing with an ex So, you know I'm saying so it's it's usher like she said man, it's I just think I just at the end of the day I think it was really about him being disrespectful and wanting some attention You know I'm saying because she in the forefront not him and I and I watched your video I watched your case study on it and you made some points You know I'm saying so I was like, okay, so I know what you're saying about the whole usher thing. That's like We went to bake uh, we're in Jamaica There's a little dude like little performer guy, right? He was nowhere near usher, right? But he um because we're sitting in the front and Clarissa and he he grabbed Clarissa by the hand and he's like dancing with her or whatever And you know, he's singing or whatever What do I look like like When Jamaica what it looks like me clothes lining this dude that make me look insecure as hell Yeah You don't leave your wife here. Thank you. I'm just Nobody, okay That should make it we're having fun and it was no harm. Yeah, I'm saying about everything But I will I will say this though. I did see I did see one post I feel like it was on on instagram And it was from a woman. She was like, you know most women if they saw Rihanna serenading a man on stage even though Rihanna's a performer They will feel some type of way if Rihanna was hooked up on your man and slow dancing with him Even if it was just a performance most women would feel some type of way. Is she right or is she wrong? Anybody is don't feel any kind of weight. Would you have to check your feelings at the door? You know I'm saying like remind yourself who you are because Who's married to this person and other not out here going to America You're not going to dinner with them afterwards. You're not gonna go have sex with them Well, y'all are in public, right? At least everybody get to see what's going on Like it's not like it's going behind your back like you was chewing on the grotto It's grinding on you and um the back room like It's all for everybody to see it done publicly And it's not like you're gonna go do something afterwards And I'm sure if Rihanna is probably not gonna be just like ready to do something with you afterwards either So it's just like everything in perspective Um in my opinion and of course jealously always that's it Nobody wants to see nobody touching a man or a woman, you know what I'm saying? Of course, of course, just that's human nature to be jealous But when you said that if you're confident enough in yourself In your relationship and that your relationship is a strong one That's why I'm gonna phase you And what he did on the internet just shows that he's not very confident in their relationship That's real that's real. Um, all right, so let's let's pivot and talk about um y'all's interview Um where Where where would y'all like to start would you like to Go through the comments? Are there some some things I know you ready? Would you like to do that first um, would you like to bring up maybe some points that were covered during the interview that you feel like you may not have Um completely Covered or you want to elaborate on and you've had to change your heart on which direction do y'all want to go? Want to do comments Let's do comments Okay, let's do all right. So we got we got three videos up I got the one where I put both y'all together and then I have One with just you Sean and one with just you Clarissa. Which one do y'all want to start with? Let's go with y'all. I think she got like 10 11,000 something views. Yeah, she had the most views It's because of the picture that picture was fired. That's that's why she got all the views That's why she got all the views, you know all right, so So this is the video right here. It's entitled nobody told me that african american men have dot dot dot I was trying to be seductive with that title Yeah But you know, we were talking about feelings with people who didn't actually watch it. We were talking about feelings. Um, one of the One of the main things that kind of stuck out during the interview. You said that I didn't know men had feelings Um before we jump into the comments, do you remember making that statement and like could you elaborate on what you meant? For the people of that um I I grew up in an era where men didn't really share their feelings, you know, um Uh feelings were more like um Like anger or um What do you call it We only we only have we only have one emotion. That's anger Again or happy I've seen yeah, they were either angry or happy. There was never in between um there was never I never really saw men be vulnerable and share their feelings about things um be open um about their feelings If there was conflict, they were either like straight up arguing like killing cussing fussing and stuff Or they would retreat and not say anything at all. Like I If they just completely shut down It was never like I didn't really see how to have a healthy debate. Um Or have someone actually tell me um Hey, I really didn't care for it when you did this in the future, you know, if you could do it this way I'd appreciate it. You know what I'm saying? So When Sean and I got together Had I have this you emotionally intelligent man and I thought I was emotionally intelligent woman and so we got together. I was like, oh, I still have a lot to work on You know, there's something else I talked about. It's the mirror, you know When you're married to somebody you're they're literally holding up this mirror and They're showing you all your flaws and all the things that you just have to work on It's a little bit scary And dancing and when you actually have to Address those things because you're gonna see him be like Okay, I'm fine But when you have to actually start addressing these things and fixing it because it could potentially Make you lose someone good in your life So a lot so when I said that I meant that I had never had a man be vulnerable I didn't see men be vulnerable and be open With their feelings in a healthy way I saw anger Now I'm really happy but I never saw like How to handle disappointment Or absolutely and I really appreciate you saying that because it's something I bring up a lot with Either women in my life or even women that I interview is this, you know This idea we hear a lot that women do so much more emotional labor Women are so much more emotionally intelligent than men And I've been kind of making the point that no women are just more emotionally expressive And even though men are socialized to not necessarily be as expressive We have our ways to cope and deal with our emotions and a lot of women Wouldn't even know how to deal with the kind of man that they claim that they want Right the more vulnerable This is how I feel this is how you hurt me type of man How did you work through that? How did when when it came up that oh, shit He actually has an opinion and he actually has emotions. How did you work through? Actually being confronted with what you thought you wanted Uh counseling I used to complain my counselor all the time Like all the time I was like he's triggering me and he did this and he's telling me I did this and she was just like Yeah, it's good. And I'm just like What do you mean? It's good. That's why it's not good. And she was like no He's doing what he's supposed to do. He's showing you What you need to work on he's showing you these flaws back mirror. She's won't tell me about the mirror and Again, I'm not gonna sit here and say I was The faint and it worked immediately it took me a year and two to like really Get to a place of acceptance And get to a place where um, I gave him The opportunity to be completely vulnerable because I think it Took a little bit to get all the way open, you know, I'm saying because I had to be a safe place for him to Be open and vulnerable because if you're not a safe place for a person They're gonna clam up You know, they're like, I'm not telling you anything because you don't treat me right when I give you my my vulnerabilities, you know So I think it took us a couple of years for me to be A true safe place and for me Or he told me one time I take this ill too. He told me he's like, you know, I tell you things But you always tell me what I'm doing wrong when I tell you what's going on with me and I was like Because I thought this was time for us to start, you know Going back and forth about everything that's wrong in the relationship because I don't just tell it because I said I have to tell you every day But that's not the time to tell me when I'm trying to express how I feel You know, and I that's that's part of being a safe place Not Well, you did this last weekend when I told trying to do this for you when you didn't listen to me That's not the time to bring those things up. Um, because you're not a safe place because they're like, well Here we are again. I can't share my feelings, you know, so, um I had to learn how to be a safe place for him to be able to express how he truly feels It was tough But I think I'm doing okay Yeah, and some and sometimes I like what you said about the safe place because And I'm not using this as an excuse, but when men when they do step out Of their marriage or whatever it's usually that woman. That's a safe place for him Right. She's at work or wherever and she's just like What can I do for you? Yeah, no, no, not not the thing about it is is that she really don't know him You know, she don't know all these issues and hang ups, but she's just right Yeah, right, so it's more of like she's listening and she's responsive So He's attracted to that because he's like, I don't get that at all You know, so when she is a safe place That's what men are attracted to or at least Emotion men who are available to their emotions Available emotions. So, uh, that safe place is very important because if I if I tell you something and you tell me what I did wrong last week It that doesn't work. You know what I'm saying? So you don't know in the past her The the scenario a lot of times we use is and I say this is say if she got something against me And it's her turn to vent to me If she tell me about myself, I'm like, tell me more I'm listening And don't even combat it, right? Just just take it Yeah, not be defensive or stonewall and stuff like that and that's for people who haven't quite Got in tune with their feelings and their emotions yet Because they read they trigger You know when you get to a place where you allow that person to say what they think that's the problem with most relationships today Or this whole thing on social media about this gender war, right? Nobody's listening if a woman says This is what I need. Why not listen? Like why not listen dudes black but see it's like But that's not every woman. That's not every man You know what I'm saying? So again, you're still holding on to that trauma again Like I always say heal people here different. So when you got people talking about what what they did to you when they were 19 Like that's their story. You can't you can't expect to find true love when you're holding on to what Sarah did to the high school quarterback and you wanted to take her out like When you're gonna let that go So from from your perspective Sean because I know at some point Whether in the beginning of y'all's relationship or like in the beginning of y'all's marriage You realize that she don't want what she thinks she wants Like she's not ready for an actual Emotionally Authentic or emotionally vulnerable man while she was navigating getting ready. How did you navigate? helping her Understand that hey, this ain't that like this is this is I'm here. Are you met your mat? How did you maintain your patience or your your your empathy or your grace with her? I've been caught a simp for this, but it works for me. So So My thing is understanding that she's not at this place yet well, when it's her turn to Fire off on me when it's her turn when she have a grievance against me. Let me listen like I was saying earlier So when I tell guys that your wife is acting a certain way you're training her like that good or bad because I get guys, you know Inboxes questions. I'm like you're training her to act like this So you got to be like I think we talked about this on the show when I was there You have to be quote-unquote the sacrificial lamb and too many men aren't vulnerable enough With that woman to be a sacrificial lamb to understand that I have to be the example first because she not there yet You know I'm saying so if you if y'all both operating in Japan cycles Nothing's ever gonna get resolved. We always talk about that dance, right? She know what you're gonna say that as soon as y'all get into an argument. It's the same dance So who's gonna who's gonna break the dance who's gonna do something different? And if men are called to be leaders Then it starts with us And if and if men have a problem with that then you're probably with the wrong woman Oh, I always got to be the bigger man. If you always got to be the bigger man, you're with the wrong woman Go work on yourself But that's what I did. I said I said let me Let me be the sacrificial lamb. Let me Show her what that looks like So when it's my turn to express myself I'm training her to think different now because she like oh When I when I had some issues with him. I see that he was like Tell me more or I'm listening or I'm not being combative or I'm not over talking to her Would you do that enough times? Then if she's a emotionally intelligent woman or if she's trying to get there you're training her to be like that So it is that In your opinion one of the things that makes it scary to remarry Yes, I believe Alan I believe a lot of people and I'm just gonna say this I believe a lot of people with the wrong folk They were the wrong person or They still haven't dealt with their own baggage So being scared is She fine She got a small waist. She got some hips. She got some big titties big ass. She she built like kitty Palmer, right? But the problem is Does that go Together mentally does she have the mental to match the body? A lot of times it's men, you know, we we want the baddies, right? but a lot of times Ain't always up there So that's what that's what makes it It's scary because she could be fine But you got to get to know her and how much work are you willing to put in to be with this woman? No matter what do she even want you? you know Do they even want you like you could just be a good time that don't mean they want you All right, so before we look at the comments, um Clarissa this question is for you Is it scary to marry? As a woman because I and I I notice a lot of women say You know, I'm ready for my husband. I'm tired of playing games and things like that But once you have a conversation with them, you realize that not you're not ready for what you think It's not what you think it is Like when you actually get what you think you want. So like what was that process for you? Yeah, I will say Not what I thought I prayed Like I was praying and that's I did all that stuff and most of the time I was asking God to prepare me for a spouse. Um It's not what everyone I think people think that it's glitz and glam and happiness all the time marriage is takes a lot of grace I feel like 98 percent of our marriage is giving grace to this other person because y'all are learning you're growing and developing together and then You have to be selfless in a marriage like y'all are constantly giving to each other and I feel like Everybody's not meant to be married, you know, I'm saying if you're a selfish person You're probably not going to thrive in a marriage because legit You're because only one person's going to be giving and you're just going to be taken taken taken You're not going to be giving and It's not sustainable long term eventually someone's going to get tired of it. Um So Yes, it is scary. Um, but I feel like once you are married because I truly believe God blesses marriages Um That everything works out like and when you have a partner that you can sit here and do life with And y'all are actually out here conquering this world together It's truly a beautiful thing and I can definitely say I would much rather be married Than be single out here in these streets these days especially That's a lot out here and I was like It seeing what other people's struggles and and everything that is going on out in the world in the single life And you know, it has it's times where it's cool because you get to do whatever you want and be But all that stuff gets old after a while and I could truly say I'm glad I have my husband I'm glad I gave him to come home too. I'm glad That I don't have to deal with trying to figure out if people like me or not And all the other kind of stuff to get into no phases and all that stuff like I I was in the game playing and In and in great great marriages Aren't found they're built. Amen. Amen. You know people think I got this person We're good But people are not willing to do the work and and and then we got too many options people. Oh, I dropped me on a new york man I'm off to the next one. I'm sliding to somebody's DM next like people aren't willing to people aren't willing to fight for anything I think it takes you have to be intentional too. Like you have to intentionally choose each other every day You know what I'm saying every single day you can't sit here, you know, because sometimes you wake up man Like I'm not gonna talk to you You know, you have to make time for that You have to you can't be petty because you know people use my friends know me as petty queen Okay, but I've worked on myself since I've been married I've been doing good. So I can't be petty with my husband because we have kids and they have to be fed today We have things to do we have appointments to go to there was literally too much going on to sit here and solve all or Not give you the silent treatment all day and all that other kind of stuff. Um So it's you have to be intentional in marriage. It's it marriages take work They do and I would never sit there and tell anybody and pretend like it doesn't but like I said When you have God in your center and there's your foundation And you're being intentional You can do all things through Christ who strength with us. Okay. So yes, it will work and true love will make you want to change true love Right. So I think that's important. Are you willing to put in the work? You know, like they talk about in football, you know, when you're taking your reps You're in practice. You're doing the same play over and over and over again. Same thing with marriage You same reps over and over again until we get it right We conquer this piece Then we'll off to the next thing, you know, and the person I married Five years ago. She's not the same person You know I'm saying she so to me. I'm like, I don't know how people have time to Be messing around or they spouse or doing all these other things. I'm like you barely know the woman You got at home and you talking about you're trying to You're trying to hook up with some other folks No, get to know the one that you got Chris rock said when you step out on your spouse Now you got to Understand that person all over again because you've broken the trust. So now you got to spend all this time trying to rebuild So it's like why not do the right? You know So that's my thing Absolutely, absolutely and um shout out to y'all I know it's it's uh, it's not easy Especially trying to combine your life with somebody so I commend anybody who's found success doing that and also, um shout out to She posted you guys's channel In the chat, I pinned it to the top of the chat So if you want to check out more of mr. Sean and miss Clarissa head over to Scary to remarry click that subscribe button watch some stuff click the like button And uh, yeah, thank them for uh pulling up here. So, um Y'all ready for these comments? Yeah, um real quick, uh s s. What's the person who pinned it? What's it? Yeah, she subscribed to the channel. I believe she subscribed Because she's seen us on your show. So shout out to her. Really? Hey, that's a show. Yeah, that's that's a good egg right there. She's she's solid people Um, yeah, y'all ready for these comments. Let's go So so Clarissa, I think you lied to me because I'm looking And The very first one I see Her energy was definitely contagious her mindset is admirable and reasonable love this video in this series You don't miss Miss loyal 100 Oh Mm-hmm. The next one I see I love this goddess for her honesty and transparency. She's a gem. Where are these negative comments? That you saw Let me see Okay, so how about this one deon Deon dricks He says choose better is a terrible answer for men Because the complaints men have are towards the regular and good girls. What do you have to say to that? Who what did I what did I say? Choose better Choose better. I think at that point in the interview we were probably talking about um, some of the some of the women that men are running into Some of the types of women that men are into city girls the hot girls I think I know what they're talking about. What's what's the definition of a good guy? Tell tell me tell Tell me what's the definition of a good guy? Me what's the definition of a good guy? Um I think somebody who prioritizes his purpose and takes care of the people around him Okay, that's good. Okay, so we're gonna stay with that. So One of the things that We were talking about on the show is that good guys finish last like so basically they ain't getting a lot of cat, right? They're not getting a lot of vagina Is that The purpose of the good guys to get a lot of vagina I think I think it's two things that I see just like I said, I think people over use that Because I've heard guys say oh good guys finish last but they don't talk about the fact that their hygiene is terrible Or that their personality is is dry and and things like that. So it's more than that But for me when I think about it, I think of the type of men that we kind of The type of male behavior that we incentivize in our community, right? Like so not necessarily who's getting more vagina but who is Who's winning first versus who's who's getting the leftovers and in our community in particular We usually gravitate towards the more exciting guys that aren't sustainable They're not going to be good fathers, but they're exciting in the club and the whole nine And then the guys who are focused on their purpose Like I said and actually take care of the people around them. They have to just pick from the leftovers So that's what I'm concerned about. I'm not talking about the dudes who have that entitlement and think oh because I'm a nerd I deserve some some ass I don't know just I remember on the show you had said that it's hard to tell the difference between a good girl And a bad girl I feel like it's kind of hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy because at the end of the day All guys want vagina, you know, I'm saying like that's all there. It seems like they're all chasing this thing because I remember quick story time. I remember I met this guy It was in chachos and Houston or something or whatever and he was playing wingman for his friends He was talking to one of my homegirls and he came over and we had a changing numbers And I remember I don't know how we got on top top of the sex But um when we was talking on the phone, but he was like, yeah I'm not trying to give my body to just anybody. This is a man And I was like, huh? What do you mean? It was like I'm very choosy about who I share my body with and he was so serious And he was like, I don't just have sex with anybody. He said the person who I decide to have sex with That's the person who's gonna have my children. That's the person who I'm gonna have Share my life with that's the person I'm gonna marry. He was Extremely picky and he was a good guy on paper, you know, he had good job cars like on paper He was chasing his purpose But he was extremely picky about who he decided that he was going to lay with because when you were Laying with somebody you were a sheriff that's the sheriff's spirit and stuff like that with people and people don't realize that So you have to be very choosy about who you lay with, you know what I'm saying? So On paper that was technically a good guy and I think he just got married a couple years ago That was like 10 plus years ago when I met this man, you know what I'm saying? So he was being very particular about who he decided to be with and I think if Good guys are really good guys And this is my opinion I'm gonna give that disclaimer again because I feel like I have to do it this way This is my opinion. This is my act. This is my opinion But in my opinion, if you're really a good guy, you're gonna be choosy about who you lay with Because you're not gonna care about having 20 or 30 or 50 women under your repertoire on who you've had sex with and getting the Bats to the bags first and stuff. You're going to want somebody who's quality Somebody who's going to care for you and your children one day. Somebody who's gonna hold you down like Somebody who embodies those fruits of the spirits that I talk about, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, that's what you're gonna truly care about You know, I care about, you know, all this other stuff like having bodies and stuff And I don't care about that if you're truly a good guy Again, my opinion I could be totally wrong But that's my opinion So I think this comment right here is kind of excellent. So Uh Vess vessel ink So, uh, they say, um, great interview. I'm happy. I'm really happy that she's happy in her marriage and learned so much My only concern was with her response on telling the difference between city girl and good woman I am a christian and the holy spirit indeed led me or guided me to my wife But for most men, that's a practical that's not a practical answer And even in the christian community the divorce rate and problems therein match the world's Marriage dilemma We have to explore the possibility that more practical standards will have to be put in place for the good women to follow In order to differentiate themselves from the ig models and we as men award that distinction with attention and relationship so basically he's saying that uh Finding a good woman even as a christian man in the whole nine is not as straightforward as You made it seem apparently in the video. What's your response? My opinion I can only share my opinion and for some people it's not going to be straightforward if you aren't When god is speaking to you and your disarmament is real It's straightforward. You're going to know you know what i'm saying, but you got to be plugged in You know You have to be plugged in if you're not plugged in with god and really trying to listen to him and let him guide you and your Before i got with this man, I pray i say lord If he's not for me go ahead and close this door so i don't walk through it. Don't let me make any more mistakes I have made too many at this point because i keep thinking all these guys bro. This is the one This is the one and they were never the one, you know and so when he came in And every he was checking out the boxes that i had prayed for him in and i was like now You might be a trick, you know, i'm saying i'm gonna get tricked again So i was like oh lord and i prayed on every For a year put it on any guy who was trying to talk to me lord if this is not for me do not let me I didn't want to put more trauma on myself because every time you want to a breakup and all that stuff That is trauma that you now have to heal from I was tired. I'm going through that You know what i'm saying now wasting time It's the time suck being in relationships that are not fruitful, you know, I'm saying so I was like lord I'm not wasting no more time with people. I said if this man is not for me go ahead and remove him If he's not for me He didn't go nowhere. He's still here He's still here So he was mine, you know what i'm saying I I think I even talked about it on the show like I saw the perfect guy had a At a uh at a club one night. I'm just like oh yeah, this is mine He hit all the boxes. He's everything I wanted me. I was like, okay. This is gonna be it. This is gonna be it And then I ended up finding out he had kids and he still lived at home with every mama and all this other stuff He told me all that that same night That very night, but I was plugged in with God. I was in my bible in my word every day. I was fasting I was praying I was Connected with God the discernment happened that very night that very night I just knew he was going to be mine in two hours later God took him right back on out now if I would know when the information I knew he was still living at home with baby mama And he was still doing all this other stuff when he called me We call him three days later because you know you have to do the three-day rule I was like, hey, you know, let's go hang out. I said we gotta hang out as friends. And you're like, what? I was like, you better hold with your baby mama. I'm not gonna give him out and you're like, how did you know that? He thought I drugged him You can't tell me what's nothing but God who told me all that stuff God wanted to reveal that to me so I don't waste time. You know what I'm saying? Like If you allow God to leave you He'll let you know somebody's for you And I and I totally agree with that. I think a lot of it and I know We probably won't get some comments on this but a lot of times if you're not Like with sex, right It's like we start with the bed and then I try to get to know you like Let's play let's play musical mattress and then try to figure it out afterwards You know what I'm saying? I ain't gonna come off as if I was the virgin mary or whatever You know what I'm saying? But I will say us dating long distance helped us You know because when you when you do when you do the work you find out what that person is really about You know what I'm saying? So it's like if you take the time to know that person And you know you you leave sex, you know out of the picture or whatever then That person going to remove themselves because they like she ain't giving them no add And she ain't giving it up, you know Or they're gonna stick around and they really want to know you for who you are and I tell people Because even with the god factor too, but I say that I always tell people she had 80 of everything that I was looking for like people people make a list of what they want physically and that's cool But yeah Yeah, she's sexy, but how is her relationship with god? Yeah, she's sexy, but how is she felt about morals and values? You know I'm saying those kind of things like we we we value the want less over the priority list And then we pissed at them and they want to blast them on social media Because they did you know no you did yourself wrong Yeah, but you want to blast men or you want to blast women because you chose them Oh, all men are trash, but you you chose all women are trash, but you chose her So I think when we start taking accountability and that's a big thing for me too Are you accountable for your actions? Can you be accountable? Yeah, because we sometimes try to be like god, why did you let this person god didn't do that? That with you you can't even blame the devil on that one. You you ain't gonna get from that glory Look that was you you chose wrong because you let your flesh Lead, you know, like you were operating in your flesh. So when you start taking accountability, you know what? I couldn't do better. That was my fault I need to do better next time. It's free and when you actually start to be accountable for your actions Yeah, and when you are accountable for your actions, I believe you heal faster. Yes. Yes. Yes. You yeah, yeah, you recover faster You know people, you know, what they say bleeding while leading, you know, you jump in these relationships you bleed on everybody You know and like I said creating more trauma, but everybody that you run into You just tear people up in the whole process just because you're trying to get this quick fix All right, so let's jump back into Clarissa's video Again, I am not seeing these negative comments. This one says This one says very sensible woman With a sense of emotional intelligence and maturity best wishes to both her and her family This episode is so good Because You know Okay, so let's let's let's talk about that. Um, and and also I think we as human beings we kind of Zone in on negative first. We see negative first but what what would be I guess one thing that you would say to Those people who left the negative comments like what is a common theme that you want to address or something that you feel like Oh, they need to Go sort this out with themselves. What do you think that's coming from? Yeah, it was a lot of like who hurt you like what happened to your life? No, um I guess the biggest thing that was kind of like a it was thrown off is like Sean was only bringing like Like he was only adding value to me. Like I just brought no value to him at all. Like i'm just chop living I'm like Y'all don't know me in my real life Yeah, I'm saying like y'all getting this internet stuff. Y'all don't know who I am I'm real out here. I got a whole bunch of words I could call myself, but I'm like I'm that girl. Yeah, I'm saying like you don't know me in real life. You know, I'm saying y'all get to see what's Here I allow you to see what I give you again. Oh, but I add a lot of value to him and I don't have to go bragging about it I'm saying but it's like I'm not the did I gain a lot? Yes, I gained so much, you know being in this relationship But he gave a lot too, you know And so for people to kind of insinuate like I'm like damaged goods because I have a child and all the other kind of stuff who was just like So those moms out there who you know are single and have may have children It it gives you like that like it makes you feel like you're less than You know, I'm saying like you're not good enough You know compared to other people because you have a child, you know, but that's not the case You are worthy to be loved. You are valued. You know I'm saying You deserve love just like everybody else and don't make nobody make you go otherwise What what are your thoughts on that Sean? I'm sure And this is why I tell everybody stay out the comments, especially the women I tell everybody stay out the damn comment because you're gonna get good There we go, so shout what what what's your um What's your taken and also how have you helped? Your wife because I'm sure most men have to do this at some point navigate those kind of natural built-in sensitivities, let's not even call it insecurities But sensitivities that women naturally have with questioning if they are good enough if they are worthy if they are Beautiful the whole night. How do you navigate that as a man? I say you gotta listen man. It's it's simple If you listen You talk about if she talked about her needs and she's consistent with what those needs are Then you apply that and like I said earlier remember things do change because And I'm going somewhere with this. I posted a tweet that went viral and I asked I said, uh, I asked my wife What can I do? To make you feel in love today. Like I sent her text messages like that, right? I sent her those text messages went viral on twitter people went crazy and they like And even women were saying this Why would you have to ask her? What does she want to feel in love? You should know that because you've been married to her I'm like what she need today might not what she need next week You see what I'm saying? So I'm just like You just got to be locked in I think we have too many distractions man and too many people in our ear You know instead of listening to what, you know, yeah, you know women, but do you know you're a woman? Yeah, you know men, but do you know your man? You know, so I think a lot of times it just comes to listening and knowing what what the needs are And then applying it because it's one thing to listen and not apply it There's nothing to even know it might suck to you But that's what they need And then you apply that Yeah, I think communication is a big thing to like actually discussing those things like When your communication is off like I know especially for us like when our communication is off like The household is not right Well, it runs it just doesn't run well Yeah, then I'm saying so Making sure that we take that time out every day to like connect and and I actually like I need that time That's part of my emotional thinking field because I just love this man's mind. I love listening to him talk and so like I like those moments when we get to reconnect and to talk and to have conversation And communicate with each other like it fills my love tank when we get that opportunity and I feel like he's making a Priority when we do that as well. Um, especially if there's air, you know, because we have a lot going on So no matter what's going on, he still comes and he makes it a you know Point because we try to talk 30 minutes every day at minimum, you know, he comes he's like, hey, let's go talk You know, he brings me we need to talk He'll bring me a glass of wine sometime when we'll sit on the couch and just talk and I need that emotional connection I need my cup to be refilled in that way like I need to have that for me The communication for me if it's off We're just off and if you listen and like I say, I think a key Using tell me more I think that's Man, just take the time and listen and tell me more They just let them talk you'll be surprised what you will find out from your spouse and your significant other if you just listen You were like damn, I know that she was like, yeah, I told you two years ago about that. I kept telling you about that. Yeah So what what do you guys think and I think we talked about this off camera book Like what do y'all think is the future of marriage? How do you think the institution is going to last Or maybe transform With these new generations with my generation millennials with the gen z with gen a What what what is that going to look like 20 30 40 years from now? For god's grace I Think Okay, so guys grace they will be bigger and better than ever and they will They know continue to make God their foundation and it will grow and be amazing But the way the world's working And I don't blame them when you have never seen any healthy marriages is very hard to want to go and get into one Especially when everybody around you's the worst thing I I agree about I want to ask I want to add on that real quick because I know we hear that a lot I don't see healthy marriages Come on. They are here. They just don't look like the way you want them to look You you know what I'm saying? I think I think a lot of people look at they look at the celebrities They look at the athletes. Yeah, they a lot of times when we allude to certain things We always talk about The exception not the rule we always talk about jay-z and Beyonce or whoever But you have somebody on your block that has a healthy marriage You ain't connecting with them But no, but I'm saying there's there's people I'm saying there's still people out here that has healthy marriages There's people but they don't want to connect with those kind of people because they don't look like jay and Beyonce They don't have a seven bedroom house. They don't have the the bugatti, you know, you know, I'm saying so we like we like the sensationalized marriage but We don't we don't want to do the nut put the nuts in the books together to make the marriage work So people oh, I don't see healthy marriages. They're around They just not jam Beyonce But how do you connect to those people? Just like anything else. It's like social media You on social media you see you see people that got healthy marriages on social media You don't connect with them. You don't support them because they don't look like Nicki Minaj or they don't look like lotto or whoever whoever these new whoever these new artists are, you know what I'm saying? They don't look like that So that's why so when people like oh, I don't see that. No, that's an excuse just like anything else you look for You can look for a healthy marriage somebody that can mentor you That's good. Yeah, I see that. Yeah, you gotta you gotta you gotta be willing to put the work in just like anything else So I don't think that's an excuse. You're not thinking that You're not thinking about that That's true, too But at the same time, I think your parents should have a huge influence. The problem is we got a lot of broken homes So, you know mama's teaching their daughter to be independent don't depend on no man And and like our words don't mean nothing anymore So that's why women like I need to be independent because he told me he was gonna look after me last week. I ain't heard from You know what I'm saying? So I think a lot of times our words don't mean nothing So people aren't trying to get married. They're trying to Keep everything to themselves because their mama told them don't trust the man and vice versa So You know, we're we're coming up on an hour 30 minutes But I wanted to talk I wanted to talk a bit about you guys's brand. Yeah, it's been moving I want to talk a little bit about you guys's brand scary to remarry Talk to the people about What the brand represents? What is the goal? How you help Council married couples people who are interested in the institution And then kind of your y'all story too. How did you even find your way to each other? Yeah Well, real quick. I don't like a lot. I want to kind of end without our story But the whole thing was scared to remarry. It's really based on like my experience on what I've been through and going through a divorce But I would also say that If you desire to marry I'm a pre-engagement coach So before you even buy a ring, let's connect the minute you say I'm ready I'm ready to be a husband or I'm ready to be a wife That's when we connect because when you buy the ring They ain't changing their mind They didn't got the engagement ring. They're like, no matter what you say, you can see all kind of red flags. No, I bought this ring No, so let's let's connect before you even get the ring You know This is the place you want to be before you say I do Um, so that's the whole thing with the pre-engagement. It's scary to remarry, man It's just a process that I went through that getting back out here after divorce can be scary. I remarry that 40 So it's that process of giving your life to somebody for X amount of years and then starting over again And getting to rediscover yourself and what that looked like going into the dating world from there So that's kind of uh, it's scary to remarry in another show But the tag is the love fearlessly man that you know, just like divorce is real love is too So if you're willing to take that step, uh, because again marriage isn't for everyone And I don't feel like it's just for people who've gotten divorced either I think it's for literally anybody because getting married to begin with is a scary thing You know, like even putting yourself out there to want to do that To begin with especially when you see so much negative Things, you know surrounding marriage and this institution and what it represents these days like it's scary to get married period So, um, I feel like it's not just for the people who are getting remarried But for the people who are getting married for the first time Yeah, that's real because you have no idea what you're getting yourself into You might have played house for two years, but when you get married the game changes Man, me and my friend were talking about that the other day who we're talking about has to how many Women are taught a lot of times to be wise But not so I had to be a girlfriend, you know, and we give so much in these relationships too soon I think one of the things they helped Sean and I is the fact that we were long distance I couldn't give him so much me he wasn't there for me to give it to So all I could give him is my mental, you know And our emotional bond and our spiritual bond those things had to be locked in I couldn't give him, you know cooking for him every night and watching his daughter for him And you know, because you know, he had a daughter We both came into the relationship with children, you know saying, you know I couldn't do all these extra things for him because he was literally not here and available for me to sit here I'm a good boy. I'm gonna be a good wife. I'm gonna do all this stuff for you. I'll show you I couldn't give him all that he wasn't here. So he had to go off of My mental my, you know, physical at the time and my spiritual, you know, I'm saying Um, and my emotional it wasn't about what I could do for him And you know trying to show him how good of a woman I am or doing wife duties when I was just a girlfriend, you know I couldn't do about it But my friend and I were talking about that like Women are just taught to be wives and their girlfriends. We give way too much in these relationships to some So in closing, how can a Another Sean find uh their Clarissa and how can a Clarissa Find her Sean I would say for me And this is my king Everything is my cookie cutter. Everything is not going to work for everybody But what I will say is and I'll say it again and again Make sure you locked in with God make sure you are discerning You know, what it is that you're doing and that you prepare yourself first, you know Doing the pre-engagement stuff that's important to do because you're preparing yourself You're making sure that you are mentally prepared to be inside of relationships that you are actually You might be the selfish person who doesn't need to get married You might be you never know You can't find that out until you actually start on this journey of self-discovering because everybody thinks that they're the best person in the world Everybody's oh, I'm such a good person. Are you? But you want to counsel you probably figure out some stuff. Oh, I really suck sometimes, you know what I'm saying And again getting a point where you're taking accountability. So I would say prepare yourself You know, spiritually mentally emotionally and making sure that you're not Doping all your problems on somebody when you do get married, you know what I'm saying and when you Healed people attract other healed people because there's certain stuff that you heal It's not gonna deal with You know, and I feel like when you're really in a space of healing You're gonna start to attract that same energy and you'll attract the person who's actually truly worried It was just y'all attract each other in my opinion Yeah Yeah, I think that's good too. I think we talked about pain cycles. I think that's important and understanding like What is it that really triggers you? those unresolved childhood issues You know, what are those things? How do you cope with your issues? You know, because your coping mechanism can destroy a relationship If you're not if you're not aware of it You know, I think that's important. But I think also too because when we were dating long distance I our communication was on point but also, uh, you know, we prayed together I think that was important of reading books together Um, just finding out that backstory. I think it's important to understand somebody's backstory Because once you realize that you can't change people you can only influence them I think that makes a difference Because I think too many times we're going to relationships like I'm gonna put this thing on her and I'm gonna mess her up And she gonna be good after that like I'm gonna you know, I'm saying and she thinking I'm just like once I put this on her It's over Yeah, like what makes you different somebody else gonna put it on you too Then what you know I'm saying so it has to go further than the bedroom but I think if you locked in mentally where My issues I got issues I need to address them if you're aware of those issues I think that helps too and ain't even saying that being uh open to that person, you know over time Like look, these are my issues. These are my hang ups. It's just to be honest And I think in time I think I think true love is when somebody can really accept you for your flaws And knowing who you are as a person. They're like, you know what I can extend grace Because I messed up too You know, we we're all beautifully broken. So single people take your pick. We are broken I Absolutely, absolutely Again, I appreciate both of you guys. Where can people reach you? I know sas got your email on the screen But um, is that the best place to reach you is social media the best place go ahead and plug whatever you need to Yes, for sure The email right there on the bottom of the screen Yes, I can be connected the right way, but you can also go to the website. It's scary to remarry.com I've got a bunch of stuff there with the the website the podcast the youtube channel Um, and all a whole bunch of other good stuff there. I got some video courses that I got going on some coaching is available Um, so yeah, make sure you can like in on the website scared to remarry.com Absolutely. Thank you guys so so so much This was an amazing conversation I I want us to to do a follow-up and I want Clarissa I want you to find the comments and I want you to screenshot all of And we just go However, let me see what I said to myself I was Okay, yeah, yeah, and we might just dedicate one stream y'all could just go through them Listen, and I'll just be in the background. Y'all just go through them and y'all can address So, you know, Darius 435 you and your mother, you know, you can do that if you need to But again, I appreciate you guys so much. I appreciate y'all coming down here all the way from texas I appreciate y'all giving me your time this evening. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you guys so much. Y'all have a good evening. Okay. All right. Thank you. All right. Talk soon All right y'all we have come to the end of another amazing In my opinion shout out to Clarissa another amazing stream And um, yeah, so y'all uh plug in stay tuned. Like I said, I'm now on Threads, so I'll be you know using that to correspond with you guys in case we get kicked off at youtube again But um, if you're interested in Sean and Clarissa's episode navigate to the home page and then click either the podcast tab or the playlist tab and click black marriage masterclass and You just scroll down just a little bit and you'll see an episode with both of them You'll see an episode with just Sean. You'll see another episode with just Clarissa. So um head over there and uh Check that out. They go more in depth about their stories pre meeting each other During meeting each other in the whole night So if you want to get more insight on how to find love and how to make it work and sustain itself The way that they have make sure to go check that out, but Again, thank you all for being here. Thank you for everybody who supported as ed Thank you. Thank you. Thank you always. Uh shout out to And Sean for the $25 cash app. Appreciate it. If you want to support This work hit us up on cash app. It's uh dollar sign Wnt talk Make sure you're following us on every single social media. We're pretty much on everything at wnt talk Um, and I appreciate y'all. I appreciate y'all being here. Um, stay tuned. Please continue to check The page periodically because apparently, um Notifications aren't getting sent out for whatever reason. So y'all have to help me Reach out, right? So navigate to that videos page and see what's new on there I'm trying to do a lot more and you know, since I've Scaled back on the production value, you know, I can put out more stuff. So um, y'all check it out and uh Let's keep this thing moving. So again, thank y'all so much. I have a good evening Have a good weekend and good night