 Warning, these revenge stories might be upsetting to cheaters. When someone you trusted and loved betrays you by cheating. It can be an incredibly painful experience, but don't let it hold you back. Turn that betrayal into motivation, and let success be the revenge. First, world's nicest guy, gets epic revenge on cheating fiancé, by living his best life. Followed by a cheating wife, who gets surprised at her secret hotel getaway, together with her affair partner. Stick around to the end of this episode, to hear the most unexpected ending to the story. Let the like button do the heavy lifting, while you sit back and enjoy this episode. This cheating revenge story is rough, and it's about a buddy of mine. The most decent guy you could ever be lucky enough to call a friend, and how he got nuclear revenge on his cheating ex-fiancé, who dumped him for his best friend, all the while, still being the most upstanding, greatest guy you can imagine. I've pieced this story together, from things my friend and his wife have told me over the decade that we've been friends. There's not enough room to tell you how great this guy is. But believe me, he's been there for me like a rock, when things were darkest. Let's call my friend buddy. The ex-fiancé Lisa, and the hapless best friend, Simon. As you hear my story, you have to always remember, that buddy is literally the greatest guy on the planet. Simon is, well, kind of a prick, annoying as hell. But my buddy says he always means well, and his heart is in the right place. Lisa is as big of a cheating, lying, self-centered narcissist as ever walk the face of the earth. Our story begins when buddy, Simon, and Lisa are all in middle school together at a typical suburban high school outside of southern city. Football team, Friday night lights, you get the picture. The three of them are all in marching band, inseparable friends. If you know band types, buddy plays the French horn, Simon plays the tuba. Lisa played some instrument I don't know the name of. Probably the flute, because it's a cliche. Buddy and Lisa are in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, and Simon is a happy third wheel. As they get older, buddy and Lisa explore the physical side of their relationship, like normal high schoolers do, while Simon is happy to be a player. He's decent looking, so he has no problem getting attention, and also occasionally makes use of the professional women in their town. This will be important later. Buddy and Lisa, typical good students, go on to prestigious public university in southern city. Simon drops out of high school, but a self-taught programmer, winds up with a decent career in tech. Buddy graduates college early with honors, and proposes to Lisa at his graduation dinner with a small diamond, because he's put himself through school and that's all he can afford. She accepts. Buddy gets a job at fancy consulting firm in a prestigious city. Lisa finishes college back home in southern city. Comes time for Lisa to graduate, Buddy helps his fiancee also get a job, at the same fancy consulting firm. During her last spring break, she flies up to prestigious city to visit Buddy in interview for her job. But she gets pregnant. So she flies back home. Doesn't tell her partner Buddy, but calls up Simon. She calls up Simon. Tells him. Hey, I'm in trouble. I need you now. Simon comes to the rescue and takes her to the abortion appointment. Neither of them tell Buddy. Ever. As far as I know, Buddy still doesn't know to this day. I heard about this from someone close to Buddy, who heard it from Simon one night when he was drunk. Buddy, if you ever read this, sorry dude. I should have told you, but it wasn't my place. Now back to the story. Buddy realizes she doesn't want to tell Buddy about her abortion and that she can't marry him, but she's not brave enough to break it off. Instead, she ghosts him. He finds out through the HR department of fancy consulting firm that she's turned down her job offer and won't be moving to prestigious city after all. Buddy calls Simon to share his worries and get him up to speed about not being able to get in touch with his fiancee, Lisa. But on this phone call, Simon actually brings him up to speed and tells him, dude, I'm really sorry, but I have to tell you something. Listen, Lisa and I, we are a couple now, we sort of found each other. But listen, you can punch me in the face next time we get together. Somehow, Buddy and Simon decide that Lisa isn't worth destroying their brotherly friendship. So they stay best friends, going hunting together on Simon's family place in the country, and things like that. Lisa is not happy about this, but Simon tells her that if she makes him choose, he'll choose Buddy. Buddy takes a year or so to get over it and starts dating again. Pretty soon, he meets Jen and falls madly in love, crazy in love, and to make things better, Jen is just as crazy about him. In less than six months, they're engaged. Now, the thing you have to understand is that Lisa is drop dead gorgeous. She's not tall enough to be a model, just average height, but she's got these giant blue eyes and super long eyelashes. Long, shiny wavy dark brown hair, an exquisite face and a terrific figure. She's prettier than a movie star, and being beautiful is really important to her. Jen is pretty enough, but regular. But she's the type of woman that really and truly doesn't give a flying frick. Simon travels to prestigious city without Lisa to meet Buddy's fiance. He and Jen really get along, Jen gets along with everyone. So Simon reports back to Lisa that Buddy is really happy. His fiance Jen is a truly awesome woman, etc. Lisa gets jealous and pouty when she hears about Jen's Ivy League education, but then Simon makes a point of telling her that Jen is nowhere near as pretty as Lisa, so she'll stop sulking. At least until she gets an invitation to the wedding. Lisa pitches a fit, refuses to go, and tries to prevent Simon from going. But there's no way in hell he'll miss his best friend's wedding, so he goes without her. No big deal, it's a super small, low-key wedding. At the wedding, Simon reconnects with another high school friends of theirs, a guy named Ray, whose date to the wedding was actually someone else's wife. Ray has a thing for married women. This is important. Buddy and Jen go on, living their best lives. At some point, Buddy gets an Ivy League MBA. His career takes off like gangbusters. They pop out a couple of kids, Jen quits her career to be a stay-at-home mom, they're rich as hell, still crazy in love and blissfully happy. A couple of times a year, the guys get together and bring their wives along. At some point, Simon and Lisa get married. Buddy and Jen were invited to the wedding, but when Lisa found out, she made sure to let Simon retract the invitation. But the women get along okay. Jen gets along with everyone, and Lisa is happy because she's thinner and prettier than Jen. Especially after both women have been through pregnancy and childbirth. The years tick on. Things get complicated. One day, this is around 2008, Buddy, Jen and Simon are playing the video game online called World of Warcraft. It's a small hobby they share. During this online session, Simon gets them on TeamSpeak, and tells them one hell of a story. Simon and Lisa have continued to hang out with Ray, their high school friend who has a thing for married women. He's turned his eye on Lisa, who, even after three kids, is even hotter than she was in college. She's leaned heavily into the MILF role, meanwhile, Simon has had enough of her nonsense. He's decided to divorce her three times, but each time when he tells her, she cries and gets all pouty. They have one last time on protected sexy time. Which results in her getting pregnant, and bam. Simon and Lisa's three kids. Ray goes in hard with his practice seduction routine, and Lisa cries to Simon that she just can't stand it. She asks Simon. I really can't stand it anymore. Would you please be okay with it, if I have sexy time with Ray? Just once. They do. Simon watches, goes in for sloppy seconds, and Lisa and Simon's marriage enters its suburban swinger era. Simon gives Jen and Buddy, every gory detail, over the course of a two-hour conversation, while they're all fighting wolves on low-level accounts in Elwynn Forest, and Lisa is upstairs with a bottle of wine. It's obvious, that during their next visit, Simon wants to join in sexy fun times with Buddy and Jen, but they're not into that and after an awkward five minutes, things go back to normal. The kids all play together, the women make small talk, and Buddy and Simon hang out together doing the normal things that guys do. Simon tells Buddy that the reason they're into trading partners, is that he likes watching Lisa being degraded, and Lisa gets off on making Simon feel like he isn't man enough for her. This marriage isn't healthy, they're both unhappy. But Simon wants to stay married, because Lisa is hot as hell, she's got a solid career, and he's a mid-level tech guy with a GED who works from home while he takes care of three kids, so he'll never be able to do better. Some time after this, things get worse. Simon calls Buddy to chat. His marriage has gone to hell. Lisa has, in her words, met the love of her life. She's moved on from Ray and from the swinging scene, and is now having an affair with a guy from the accounting department at her job. She's staying out all night. She's ignoring the kids. Simon and Lisa take the kids on a swank vacation to try to focus on their family. But Lisa spends all her time crying, because she misses her a fair partner and she doesn't wanna be there. She doesn't wanna divorce, because she knows she'll lose the kids, she's drunk all the time, and she doesn't wanna have to pay Simon child support. She wants him to let her live whatever life she wants, while he does all the cooking, cleaning and childcare, and still bring in 50% of the household money. On top of this all, Lisa is bombarding Simon about how she could have married Buddy and been like Jen, a stay-at-home mom in a giant 5,000 square foothouse, with six bedrooms and a pool. I should mention that Buddy has also had a Neville Longbottom style glow-up, and gone from a nerdy band kid to a silver-haired super-confident high-level executive in a top-tier consulting firm. Whereas Simon still is the guy working from his basement in sweatpants, covered in the occasional Dorito crumbs. He has been working on himself, but there's no way he can compete in Lisa's eyes, although both Buddy and Jen tell me about Simon's great qualities. Lisa is jealous, hopping mad, and she blames Simon. Buddy tells his friend Simon. Dude, trust me, I know. She is bad news. Leave her. He tells him this, in the last conversation they will ever have. Now it gets rough, so heads up. Buddy gets a call at work one afternoon. It's Bob, Simon's dad. He says Simon got drunk, woke up Lisa at 3 AM, told her that he'd never loved her, that she'd never been enough of a woman for him, that he'd been visiting professional women during most of their marriage, and that he hoped she would go to hell. Then, immediately after this, he deleted himself right there. It's really awful. When the ambulance got there, she was hysterical, sitting on the curb outside the house, screaming over and over again. I want to go too, it's all my fault. Later, during the arrangements, Bob would call Buddy to tell him that Lisa specifically says, he is not welcome at the funeral. Bob and Linda, Simon's parents, step in to take care of the three little kids, who did nothing wrong and do not deserve this, while Lisa does nothing but work and drink. The Coup de Grasse. About a year later, Buddy flies to Southern City to put flowers on Simon's resting place and visits Simon's parents, Bob and Linda. Bob and Linda, Bob is still in shock, but he and Linda have taken Lisa in as a daughter to try and help her through this as much as they can. Lisa's mom passed away and she's not in contact with her dad. Bob asks Buddy, Why did Lisa say it was all her fault, and why did she ban you from the funeral? What don't I know? What's the rest of the story? Why did Simon do it? The moment of ultimate revenge, Buddy thinks for a minute and decides that it will help Bob and Linda to understand the tragedy that happened to their son, if they know the full story. So he tells them everything. Bob and Linda have continued to do everything for the three kids, and they continue to treat Lisa well, because that is best for the children, but the clock is ticking. Lisa's remarried now. When the kids are old enough, Bob and Linda will tell them the whole story. The youngest kid will be 18 soon. Buddy is still grieving over his friend. Summary, what did Buddy do to get revenge on his children? What did Buddy do to get revenge on his cheating ex-fiancé? Stayed friends with the guy who stole her, letting her know how important she was to him versus the friendship. Moved on and married someone smarter, nicer, and less pretty, letting her know that her best and only quality was unimportant to him. Had a hell of a successful career, causing her much jealous anguish. Had a massive glow up between 30 and 40, causing her much jealous anguish. Had a terrific marriage, causing her much jealous anguish. Also letting her know that the problem in their relationship, wasn't him. Respected her boundaries when she uninvited him to his best friend's funeral, causing best friend's dad to ask the fateful question that, ticks this over from karma to nuclear. Proof that living well is indeed the best revenge. Sucks about Simon though, Buddy says he was the kind of guy who would come to your house when all hell broke loose, clean your fridge and make a five-star dinner with whatever he could find. Nuclear vengeance wasn't worth the cost. I wish I had known him. Wild ride and implied nuclear revenge in the future via intergenerational revenge. Wow, sorry that happened to your friend and his friend's family. Lisa sounds like an awful person, wish the friend left her sooner before being baby-tropped three times by her. Hope the children are doing well and become better human beings than their mother. Yeah. Simon is definitely a prick for cheating with Lisa behind Buddy's back. But the fact Buddy forgave him and was willing to save and keep the relationship and Simon would choose their friendship over Lisa, both speak volumes more. The biggest jerk however is Lisa, for she tried to destroy Buddy and tragically destroyed Simon. Simon's parents should kick her to the curb, and she should just fend for herself, alone. Hello, guys. I hope you are all doing well. This is a pretty long and messed up story. I've come to the end of my rope and have no idea how to navigate this mess. A bit of background, I'm a 43-year-old male. My wife is 40, and we've been married for 16. We have two kids, 14-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son. Our marriage was very rocky in the beginning, but we made it through those tough years and had come out much better from it. We married young, so maturity wasn't all there yet, but we knew we loved each other and could conquer an obstacle that comes between our marriage. This was wishful thinking. Anyway, my wife is a manager of a very big advertisement company and I'm in engineering. Both our jobs pay well and gave our family a pretty good lifestyle. We were a very tight-knit family. We always made sure as parents that we were there for our kids, to create great memories. No matter how busy we got, we always made time for our kids. Honestly, I consider myself a good dad and husband. I messed up sometimes when it came to my wife, but I did anything for this woman and it honestly shocked me to my core when I found out that she was in a long-term affair. Which brings me to the discovery, wife was acting distant. In fact, the last two years before this were the hardest. She just didn't seem to like anything I did. She kept comparing me to her boss, yes, I know now, and would always tell me how he would handle this or that. Can't read her mind? Well, her boss can. Don't take initiative to take her out on dates and make her feel special? Well, her boss does that for his wife. Why was I so immature? I would ask what she wanted me to do to spice up our love life. Her answer usually is. Don't ask. You need to already know and do it. So I researched, bought books. You know, since I was clueless, someone else had to have the answer. Anything I attempted was met with either half-hearted appreciation or bitter disappointment. My wife was never like this in the years I've known her, so I thought that inability to make her happy was something I seriously needed to fix. Little did I know. It wasn't me who was doing the fixing the entire time. We were very close to her boss and his wife. They also have kids, and the kids loved each other. We brought them to our barbecues, family outings to the park, game days at the arcade. They have been to our house numerous times and we've been to theirs. It's no surprise that we became close. I would confide in her boss about our marital problems. He gave me good advice. I thought he was a swell guy. Anyway, back to the discovery. I had grown emotionally tired from wife's demands to better myself where the marriage was done. I was honestly shocked with her attitude because before all this, I thought we had a great marriage. So one night, she was busy laughing and giggling while texting someone. I was next to her in bed and was curious. The moment I leaned my head to take a peek, she viciously pulled away from me. She was angry instantly, asking me, What do you think you're doing? I told her I wanted to see what the joke was, and she told me. Oh, it's none of your business. And retreated to the bathroom. I think that's the day when I just knew deep down that there was an affair going on. I did not have proof though. I made the mistake of asking her directly the next day. She was furious and denied any wrongdoing. I did not have access to her phone, but I wanted the truth terribly. I asked for her phone and she refused. Only later during the night did she grudgingly give me the phone. Almost every text message she sent to specific people were deleted. I could tell, because some conversations seemed inconsistent and others downright ridiculous. I gave her the phone back and we did not speak of it until a month later, when I was able to get a friend on it to check the phone and recover deleted texts. My wife had gotten another phone prior and hardly used the one she handed to me. Some texts were recovered, and it was through bits and pieces that I finally had proof that there was an affair going on and you already guessed it, with her boss. I just knew if I confronted her then and there, she would find some way to weasel out of it, so I bid my time. I was a wreck though. All I could think about is how it was going to affect the kids. The situation was horrible and I cried in front of my friend. I still did not want to give up the marriage, so three days later I bought a book called, How to Help Your Spouse Hill from an Affair, It's Okay If You're Shaking Your Head. I started reading, hoping that if I gave it to my wife she would stop this nonsense. I wanted my wife back and I wanted to save the marriage. I had planned on talking to her on that Saturday to work things out, but she had told me they had an emergency at work and not to wait up on her. Of course, I contacted the workplace on the day to confirm the story she gave me and received no answer. They were not open on Saturdays. I tried her phone, but no answer. She came back home at 2 in the morning on Sunday, immediately showered and then came to bed. I asked why she was late, and she dodged the question by saying that she already told me not to wait for her. I was sick of this. I did not give her the book I brought. I was suffering, and she didn't care. She saw me suffering, and didn't care. So I didn't care either, and I contacted her lover's wife to find out from her if she knew anything. Let's call her Jenny. So desperate for stability into this day, I don't regret doing that. Jenny was as shocked as I was when finding out. She wanted to confront her husband, but I told her he would probably lie and try to hide it better like my wife did. We met at her house to discuss what was going on and I gave her the little proof that we had. Jenny wanted more evidence, so we both decided to gather evidence on each of our sides and compare them. I started snooping on my wife more and she did the same with her husband. It was very easy on her end to find undeniable proof. Her husband was so arrogant that he didn't even delete the texts on his phone between him and my wife. The little texts I found earlier finally made sense, and we had a whole picture of how long the affair was. Two years. Jenny was livid and so was I. She wanted to get revenge on them and so did I. They slept together everywhere. Her house, my house, expensive hotels, business trips, it was sickening to read all that. They even sent each other pictures, but we decided to ignore these because we didn't want to scar ourselves with the images. We wanted revenge, but not an affair ourselves. We both decided that if they wanted each other, then they can have each other. We both drew divorce papers at round about the same time. We were dead set on it. Our spouses didn't know that we knew and we acted our part. By the time our ducks were in a row, they were at it again. This time, through collaborating with Jenny, we knew exactly where and how they were going to be served. We knew which hotel they booked for their weekend of fun. I personally went there with the sheriff. I waited in the lobby as the sheriff got everything working and my wife was called to come down from her room. She did, dressed in a bathrobe and I fear nothing else. She's panicking, frantically asking me what I was doing there. It was quite a distance from our home but not too far. The sheriff asked for confirmation of her name and information. She confusedly answered in the affirmative and was served. It was very satisfying, seeing the shocked look on her face, but I did not want to rub it in, so I decided to walk away knowing the job was done. She didn't let me and was holding my arm, pulling me back and demanding to know what was the meaning of this. I told her, you're having an affair and I'm leaving you, simple. She started screaming at me, pulling my arm so hard that the sheriff had to step in and tell her to release me at once. She did so and started crying telling me she can explain, I have the wrong idea, it's my fault. I was getting angry, so I left quickly to get home. My wife told her boss and he panicked. From what I was told, he rushed home only to be served there. We did not give them time to get their heads on straight. We blindsided them just like they did us. My divorce will be finalized in a couple of months, hers might be taking a bit longer. Both my wife and her boss have been fighting us on the divorces. Neither wants to get divorced. The excuses I hear is that they never intended to leave their spouses. It was a purely sexy time based affair, nothing more. People have worse affairs and still come out with a great marriage. The aftermath. They freaked up and would like a chance to unfrick the situation. I have asked my wife what she thought the outcome of all this was. She said she was going with the flow and acted completely out of character. She is not that person anymore. People around me are calling me evil for not giving my wife another chance. My kids know what's going on, age, appropriate, and they are behind me 100%, but would like it if we stayed together. Hate to say it, but my resolve is slipping. Coupled by the fact that we still live in the same house and my wife is going to therapy and reading the book I brought, it's getting harder to stick to my guns. She says she's remorseful and will do whatever it takes. My gut tells me, and I tell her, that she's sorry she got caught and that's all I need to know. She's called me a bitter, resentful person who can't look past all the negativity. Jenny and I still talk and my wife absolutely hates that. She's afraid and thinks I'm going to have a revenge affair, or her boss's wife is the reason I will not give us another chance. She has asked me repeatedly to initiate no contact with Jenny, just like she did with her boss. I told her she's crazy. We didn't do anything wrong and why should I respect her opinions now? I know I'm done. I have no respect for her. After this, she still doesn't want to give up and is actively trying to engage with me about her thoughts and processes to her affair. I see them as excuses so I don't entertain her. Next, she wants me to do therapy with her. I know that there are places where the therapist blames the victim, so I'm not going. Then she wants me to read infidelity books with her. What is the point if we're going to divorce anyway? Then she wants to be intimate. I told her she was not going to manipulate me with sexy time. She says. It's not manipulation. I just want to show you how much I love you. I corrected and said, love me now, you mean. People around me are frustrated with me, even my own mother, because they say. People make mistakes and your wife realizes through her mistakes that she truly does love you. I told people that I will never be anyone's fallback plan. I feel bad for treating her the way I do. I still love her even though there's hate there. I could be unnecessarily cruel to her. I can see she's trying really hard, but I just don't care. Would you advise me to reconsider the divorce? People are saying I'm moving too quickly and I will regret it. You think that's true? I don't know what's real and what's not. A mistake is a spelling a word wrong. We're calling John, Jim. Having a two-year emotional and physical affair behind your back and in your home is a betrayal, plan and simple. She didn't make a mistake, she betrayed you and that is what I would answer to anyone who said she made a mistake. She didn't take you into consideration for the last two years. Your relationship with her for that time was a lie, since you were never given the agency to make a decision to stay or go as a consequence of her actions. Stick to your guns. This wasn't a one-time thing. She lied to you daily by hiding this affair, she lied to your face even when you knew the truth. The time and effort she put in toward the boss should have been put towards you. It sounds like she took you for granted all these years. The marriage you knew is over. Divorce her and from there decide if you can restart a relationship with her or not. No you are not being cruel, you are the victim. She is gaslighting you and you are trying to find that ray of light in her that will make her worthy of staying. 70% statistically she will do it again. Most likely her and the boss will secretly stay together. You are an engineer and so am I. Think about this logically and consider the statistically probability of success and the rate of return on the effort employed. If she could do this for 12.5% of your marriage by self-justification, how will that change? She is upset at being caught, not at what she did. She compared him to you and put you through hell to improve yourself. She mistreated you emotionally and that's clearly not the evidence of a sexy time only situation. If it was just sexy time, why did she negatively compare your handling of situations that are not sexualized? What will happen if you stay, is that you will constantly need to monitor her and almost certainly the marriage will fail regardless. If it succeeds, your consolation prize is a cheater who laughed at you behind your back for two years and who you must doubt for the rest of your life. Stay on target and move on. Engineers make a good living and you are prime date material for a late life love. Don't relegate yourself to being her, I tried trophy. You deserve better. Thanks for this. This was good for me to read. Okay, I'm back again. I've been getting email after email asking me for an update. Thanks for your concern, guys. I understand your curiosity and I'd like to clear up a few things. Firstly, my wife and I are in a sort of good place right now. It is not because we are reconciling. No, I'm still divorcing her. The last update I posted up, which was taken down, explained our situation in great detail. The short version is my wife is still begging for another chance and is doing whatever it takes to get it. I will not give it to her because her affair was way too long for me to get over. If it had been a one night stand, that would be a different story. But no, two years is more than just a slap in the face. I have gone to a few therapy session with her because I'm not a monster and still love her. One session was very good and made me understand that my wife is actually remorseful. She has not been perfect with how she handled the fallout of her affair, but she has been trying pretty damn hard. Second session was a mess of her being upset at me for continuously contacting Jenny and her being afraid of a revenge affair. It was the angriest I ever was through this whole mess and we did argue a great deal later because I refuse to do what she wanted, which is no contact with Jenny. That was resolved when I promised her that there will be no revenge affair. I know, I don't owe her anything, but she's still my wife until our divorce and I still want to hold true to my commitments. I have been going to a few more sessions with her just to see her progress. Yes, this therapist is an individual and marriage therapist. No, I'm not going to these session because deep down I want to save our marriage. I want to see my wife's progress myself, participate if I have to. After the divorce, I will step away gracefully. Jenny is still leaving her husband. Her husband is still fighting her on the divorce. She is as adamant as I am, and I will admit we do, confide in each other when we have low days. I still do not see any affair happening. We are just on friendly terms with each other. That's all. She is a strong and independent woman who takes no bullshit from anyone. My kids are fine. They know just because we're divorcing doesn't mean we love them any less. They don't want a divorce, but understand why it's necessary for us. My wife doesn't work at the advertisement company anymore. She works elsewhere. She resigned shortly after I served her. She has been strictly no contact with her former boss. According to her, she reached out on forums to get help on saving the marriage and is actively using all the advice. I've been reading a lot here and at first I didn't understand why people stayed with adulterers. But after seeing my wife work her butt off to be a better person, I can see the temptation. She's not a monster. She's just flawed and made horrible choices, which she's learning to be better from. She has offered me everything under the sun to be given another chance. Sometimes I think I'm not so sure I have it in me. The closer divorce comes to being final, the more at peace I feel. We recently had a long discussion of her asking to have a chance after the divorce. She has offered a post-nup. But it would be a very long road for her to travel for me to even consider it a serious possibility. She seems quite willing, but I don't see how that would benefit any of us. To be honest, a huge part of me wants this divorce out of a fleeting sense of justice. It's the only justice I can get without lowering myself to an adulterer. My mother and I made up after I revealed more about my wife's affair. Although, now she's absolutely furious with my cheating wife after learning the details. I don't know how to navigate that one. Stay strong, sir. She's gonna ramp up either the lovey-dovey or batshit crazy behavior. Just remember all the money she wasted cheating, all the time she stole from your family, and all the affection she withheld from you, that destroyed your self-esteem. You can never get that back. Not once in two years did she think to put her kids or you first. The only reason she's making progress is that she got caught. I can't wait until you're free of that toxic waste of a human being. Nobody makes horrible choices like that for two years. That's called a commitment. You make a good point, friend. I didn't want to write here until my divorce was finalized but I'm just pissed off today in really one event. As many of you know, my wife is scared crazy about a revenge affair. Simple reason, is because I'm still in contact and see the other woman she betrayed, Jenny. My wife is very insecure compared to her. Jenny is younger, a model, very attractive and owns a successful business. It makes my wife paranoid that I will give in to temptation and cheat on her as revenge. I still cannot believe the nerve of her to give me the speech. Remember that two wrongs, don't make a right. Of course, she isn't wrong and I don't intend to ever follow through, but her hypocrisy infuriates me. Every time I'm going to visit Jenny, like yesterday, she gets extremely sad or extremely clingy. I don't know how many times she has thrown herself at me, just to make sure that I don't cheat on her back. I reject her attempts, and it only makes things worse. It absolutely floors me that cheaters are this selfish, only thinking about themselves and their pain, while the betrayed have to trudge along and try to pick up the pieces. Another thing. Our kids still see their kids. I never go to Jenny without my kids. But no, my wife still thinks I have it in me to be as heartless as she was, and take any opportunity to take a role in the hay with Jenny. It's laughable. Her old boss, the lover, is still living in their holiday home, begging Jenny to take him back. I'm not going to lie, it brings me a sense of great satisfaction to see him suffer the consequences. He has not tried to threaten me because of how much leverage I have on him. He has to deal with the fact that I'm still in contact with his wife. He is allowed to visit his kids anytime he wants, but doesn't want to see me. So he makes sure I'm not around and then visits. I pity the guy honestly. Currently, my wife has been super apologetic. She has showered me with affection which I simply brushed off. I'm not in a good place. We are having a therapy session today and I feel like unloading all the pain and hurt I've had to endure because of her. The growing rage I feel, is becoming overwhelming. You need to unload in therapy. If you are nearing divorce, why does she still care if you are planning to date? She lost that when she cheated. How selfish to expect your loyalty, she needs intervention level help for her issues. Are you sure you're not just revenge divorcing her? Revenge would be me cheating on her. Divorce is for my own well-being and to feel at least justice has been served. Why wouldn't I sound unsure? This is my family that have to go through this. Of course I will have days where I second guess myself. But I know that divorce is the route for me to go. I've known that ever since I served my wife, that this was the right path. It's not like divorce is easy and full of sunshine and rainbows. Just like reconciliation isn't the automatic fix to a tainted relationship. Do I enjoy my wife's jealousy over the Jenny? Hell no. I think it's extremely childish of her to have these insecurities to begin with, after she was caught salad tossing her husband. In all honesty, my wife's jealousy is not my problem. She needs to get over it. Looking through my posts and messages made me realize what a great place this is that give support to people like us. I've been reading a lot of stuff that concerns infidelity in order to get a better picture of my situation. Anyway, during a recent therapy session with my wife, she requested that I give her a little more time for her to win me back. She had reason after reason, why it would be a good idea for me to at least try and see if I could participate in recovering our marriage, not necessarily reconciliation yet. I repeatedly brought up the fact that she was only trying now, because of the fallout of her affair. She would never be trying if she was still seeing her lover. She emotionally mistreated me for months, and I'm not the type of person to get walked all over, even from the woman I loved. She acknowledged all of her wrongdoings and apologized once again. She has given me so many promises of making it up to me. She wants our marriage to grow stronger than ever before and believes it's possible. I asked her if she was willing to put up with my rage, because I have plenty to spare. She agreed, saying she would like me to unload on her whenever I feel like it to help myself process the pain. Usually when I asked her why she had an affair, I get a million excuses. This time she was forthright, and told me there was no excuse for what she did, and she would spend every day for the rest of her life, showing me through her actions, that she was truly remorseful and would never hurt me that way again. She actually unloaded feelings and it made me understand that she was very insecure of herself and jealous of Jenny. The affair made her ego skyrocket, and she liked feeling beautiful and desired. She acknowledged that the affair was definitely a fantasy and would never last. She hardly thought about the consequences, but did think about it from time to time. She regrets ever having the affair and says will live with this guilt for the rest of her life. She will probably never forgive herself. She told me she could never hold a candle to Jenny and the reason she was so sure I would cheat back, is because Jenny is not only beautiful, but she is a woman with integrity. Not once has Jenny ever said a mean thing to her or threatened her. It was all my wife's insecurities talking, and maybe the fact that I was angry at her for betraying me. Here's where it gets interesting. The therapist asked me what would it take for me to consider my wife's proposal. Nothing came to mind. I was honest and told her, a time machine. Because what I have now is a sham of a marriage and I never signed up for it. She told me. All marriages face problems ranging from infidelity to worse. It's how those problems are dealt with, that shows the strength of a marriage. I honestly could not believe where this conversation was headed and I told the therapist to focus on my wife, not us. The therapist told me. Your inability to listen to logical reasoning might be a problem communication-wise. I did not disagree. My wife and I had a long talk during the drive home. She questioned if I felt emasculated due to her affair. Considering she had never asked me that before, I was genuinely surprised by the question. I answered, yes. She shocked me by asking. Would you feel better if you make love with another woman? I again told her I'm not, nor will have a revenge affair. She explained that she was talking about a trial separation where I go out and get my mojo back. She will remain faithful and wait, until I'm good and ready to come back to the marriage. I thought she was desperate before, but I found her proposal crazy. I asked her how that would benefit the marriage in any way for both people to be having affairs. She told me mine would not be an affair, because we would be separated with conditions aligning with my freedom to see other people in place. I told her that's a huge risk on her part and she responded that we were getting divorced anyway, so if this doesn't help us, at least I can see what the outside world has to offer. I obviously rejected the idea, because it seemed way out of character for her to propose that. My wife has been strangely calm and patient these few weeks. She's like a different person, from the crazy insecure one. Of course, I know not to trust her for my own sake. It's very difficult though. Even though she doesn't want it, she has been very generous in the divorce. I've read so many times where divorces gets nasty, but not mine. It feels quite unreal to be in this situation. It's difficult to navigate. Let me make it clear I am still going fully through with the divorce. I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this. I thought I wasted all these years on a woman who was nothing but worthless, but she gave me great kids and great memories. These things I will never forget and will cherish as a man. But, I finally understand, I can do better than her. And I'm going to do better than her. I have had a flood of people giving me advice on how to deal with this situation. I finally, finally understand that I deserve better than her. She screwed me over, put me down and made me feel less of a man, and monkey branched over to another man that showed her attention. She literally invested her energy in another dude. I can't believe I'm finally coming to terms that I'm over her, only now. Now. Now she does whatever it takes to keep me. Now she's investing her energy in us. Now she wants me to be happy, when she didn't give a damn before. Now she wants to be this adventurous person in sexy time with me. The sexy time we had was never mind blowing, but I liked it. Now I see how much I've missed out on. Through her text with her boss, her lover. I know just the tip of the iceberg how graphic their secret adventures were. Now she wants to show me just how much she loves me, when admittedly she has been quite lazy before. The lazy sexy time speaks volumes to me. Now she gives me space and is happy and supportive of anything I do, when before, it was all about giving her attention and providing for her at the same time. Now she values my boundaries and goes above and beyond to add to them. Now she sees me as the king I wished she saw me as before. But no, I had to smack her off her pedestal first. Now she's the ideal woman, but it seems fleeting to me. Now she is completely transparent with me about everything. She is brutally honest too, even if it will upset me or embarrass herself. I don't think I've ever seen any woman with a constant look of shame on her face before. She wishes this affair never happened. I can see how much she kicks herself every day. I can see the hopelessness on her face, when I'm just not receptive to anything she does. She looks so miserable, especially when she tries to hide it. It makes me hate myself sometimes, but to me it's necessary. Why can't I see this as a positive thing? Why can't I judge her for her actions now? They show remorse, right? Many people forgive and come out even stronger than before, right? Why am I basing my decisions off emotion and not a place of mature objectification? Someone else will end up getting the better and improved version of her while I venture into another uncertain relationship. Why not fight for this when everything seems to point to something good in a future? These are the lines I've been given and I have one answer, I will not accept disrespect. Maybe I was willing to in the early stages of discovery, but I woke up from that quickly. This is to answer the people who have messaged me and regularly asked about my situation. I'm going to enjoy this Christmas with my entire family, and then move on for my wife. I decided to stop listening to the nonsense I created in my head to keep my wife's control over me, and move on entirely from the idea of her. I will not be dating her or giving us another chance. We are over for good. I like to say that my wife isn't a villain. I want her to be happy as well, but it will never be with me. She has shown me that. I'm have called Jenny today and offered her dinner after the holidays for her support when I absolutely hit rock bottom. She said she would love too. I know this stuff doesn't happen often, but we really supported each other throughout all of this and I owe her thanks. Before people start talking about how much I plan this with Jenny, I honestly did not. My emotions have been so screwed up this few years that the very thought of another woman never crossed my mind. And it's dinner, nothing else unless we both wanted. But the closer divorce gets, the more I realize I actually have options, and one option has been right there. What about her old boss, her lover, Jenny's ex-husband? I don't give a flying frick about the dude. I do not think I will marry again, and I will tell this to any woman. Although my divorce hasn't been much of a hassle, I am losing a lot of money still. The whole idea of marriage just seems like a sham to me now. Sorry for being so cynical right now. I don't want this post to offend anyone, but I'm still jaded. I gave my best years to this woman and I'm starting to realize how little I got back. Happy holidays. You won't be hearing from me for a while. What you're articulating is the reason I decided not to try and stay with my cheating acts. No matter how sorry he was, even if he put everything into me, I would have been relieved at first. But in reality, I will never respect or trust him again. It changes too much. I want what I thought we had, but I don't want him anymore. I don't want any version of him. I'm sorry for this painful journey you've had to go on. You seem very strong. Thank you. And you're right. Once trust and respect is gone, it's almost impossible to get it back. I'm sorry we have to go through this. Thanks for the update. For your cheating ex-wife, you will always be the one who got away. Good luck, man. I'm not normally inclined to do this, but I feel like the most succinct response to your post is a resounding amen. You're really seeing it clearly now. So move forward. Find a woman who doesn't need to break your heart and wreck her own life before she learns to value you. Who respects you and wants you to be happy and fulfilled? It's been a long time coming. I did mention before that I would come back and update for the last time here. It's over, my ex and I have officially separated for good. It happened almost three weeks ago. For the better part of a few days after the fact, I grieved like I lost a loved one. I think it hit me extremely hard that my marriage failed so spectacularly. Never cried that hard ever since I discovered the affair in the first place. I raged a lot too. Definitely one of my lowest points. Everything has been organized for my ex, partially on my part for the kid's sake. She moved out of the house and I'm looking to buy her out of her part of it. She lives in an apartment now. Very big downgrade for her and it pretty much depresses her. She is still going to the therapist, still invested in reading and studying infidelity, don't know exactly why. We've had long talks leading to and after the divorce, minimal physical contact. I know I shouldn't entertain her now, but she's still the mother of my kids and I want us to be good co-parents. I'm nothing if not logical about the situation, largely thanks to this community and others. Of course, it's the same tune. She wants to reconcile and I think it's too risky for me to put myself in that situation again. Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to give her that gift. This past weekend, I accompanied Jenny to dinner with no intention than enjoying each other's company and chatting. We talked about all sorts of things. Things got flirty between us and I must admit I was very reluctant to entertain the rapidly changing mood. Well, I guess I should say the night ended in a very passionate way. It was probably the most mind-blowing sexy time I've ever had. Jenny is very much a giver in spades above my ex. I did not intend for it go that far, but Jenny was willing and I was as well. Learned quite a few more tricks. First time I ever had someone that enthusiastic love me and not the other way around. I do not think we will take our relationship further, to be honest. I think the hormones and wine got the best of us that night. She would like to, but I am undecided. I need to sort myself out and I think she does as well. I feel very good though. People might not like hearing this, but the sexy time I had with Jenny really helped a lot with my residual self-esteem issues. I felt desired, alive and finally understood what I was missing out on. I will never settle for robotic sexy time again. What was more satisfying was knowing that I was not cheating and did not lower my morals. All things considered, I'm very proud of how I handled all this. I wasn't perfect, but did the best I could. I'm probably coming out very lucky compared to many betrayed husbands, even if I did lose a substantial amount of money in this process. But it was because I was willing to absorb advice and listen to people with experience, instead of going in blind and hoping for the best. For that, I will be forever grateful to you guys. You and everyone who let me in here, saved me from destroying myself worth even further. Takeaways for life. Respect yourself. Never, ever accept disrespect from anyone else, not even people closest to you. Everyone deserves a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Never settle for scraps from your partner. Every committed relationship should include a healthy and fulfilling sexy time life. If your partner is not giving his slash or all to you but did so before with someone else, do not tolerate it. Simply lay out your dissatisfaction. If your partner isn't willing to meet them, do not settle for boring sexy time unless you both agree on it. It is okay to walk away from that. Communicate, communicate and communicate. I cannot stress how super important that is. If you're ever betrayed, only you can truly heal yourself. It took a long time for me to understand this. Hey, everyone. Yes, I've seen your inboxes and chat requests. Sorry for not responding. I'm not active anymore, but I'm very much aware that there are people who have been trying to check in on me and my situation. I'll ease your worries with this last update. Be warned, this isn't a happily ever after. Let's start off with the big elephant in the room. How are Jenny and I doing? Actually, fantastic. If I knew a woman like her was out there earlier, I would have hunted her down years ago. All jokes aside, I have never had a stronger relationship with any woman besides her. Because my ex-wife put me through the ringer so much, I had little clue what a healthy relationship looked like. I still doubted myself. But Jenny has helped me through this and is a phenomenal partner. I'm very much in love with this woman. She has shown me time and time again, that I mean a great deal to her and I feel the same way towards her. Nothing more than a girlfriend though, I'm still doubtful of the whole idea of marriage. We're still doing things privately and involving the children as little as possible in the whole relationship thing. But yes, the kids know we're dating. As for the kids, they are getting along really well now. I think it mostly has to do with us being heavily involved in their lives and making sure they had an year to talk to whenever they had problems. Also, lots of therapy. My daughter and son love Jenny to bits. She has a way with kids. Her children like me a hell of a lot more than almost two years ago. Her youngest even started telling people that I'm her stepdad at functions and outings I took her to, which greatly surprised me. I was worried she felt forced to see me that way, but she said she liked me a lot and I make her mom happy. So she's happy I'm her stepdad. You don't know how emotional I got after hearing that. Hit me like a ton of bricks from out of nowhere, but I did put up a valiant front. I like seeing my kids happily playing with Jenny's. Although they've formed a united front to relentlessly tease my son, who is the only boy and youngest of the bunch. Yeah, no idea if I should laugh or cringe at that one. So how about my cheating ex-wife? We are on good terms. She has been working really hard on her own now to repair her relationship with her daughter. And I was happy when my daughter told me she could find it in her heart to forgive her mother for what she did. They have been through a lot these years and have progressed well together. Even with that, I don't think my ex-wife has fully accepted that we are done as a couple. She still seems to be looking for or hinting at a second try. She's been going to the gym and still attending individual therapy. Overall, she seems much healthier now, but I don't really care. I've made peace with the past. It's her problem for not doing the same. She talks more with Jenny now, which is reciprocated, but Jenny regularly regards her with skepticism, which she should give in all that's happened. Her cheating ex-husband is a lost cause. I didn't realize what a mess the guy would be. All that money and no brains. He has a girlfriend now, but his kids despise her and are very open about it. It took me some time to see how full of himself the dude was. To be honest, I don't like his girlfriend either. She comes off as extremely materialistic, selfish and callous towards the girls. So to conclude, we are doing better than okay. Don't get me wrong. I had my doubts if this was the right path, but with a lot of effort from the people involved, it's turning out splendidly. No happily ever after, just really happy now. Well, there you have it. Y'all can rest easy now. I followed your story. This is a nice update. I was all in for Jenny from the beginning. Thank you. This place really helped me through those times. Thank you for the update. I followed your story and have been pulling for all of you. You, Jenny and the kids have been through a long and emotionally traumatic journey and deserve the good things that are now in your lives. I am glad this worked out so well for all of you. Thanks for following my story. Yes, we've been through a lot and a lot of work had to be done to get here, but we're doing amazing now, besides the little bumps here and there. Thanks for the update. Followed your story here. Best revenge on cheaters, is to go and live a happy life without them. Couldn't have said it better than myself. I'm done posting here for good and moving on with my life. Thank you everyone, take care. Thank you for enjoying this episode, which was made with artificial love. Subscribe to receive future episodes and tickle the like button for Good Karma. Do you have any experiences surrounding this topic? Share yours below, I'll join the conversation. And I'll be seeing you, in the next one.