 You remember Spike TV? Vague. I remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spike TV, they had a show called Mansers back in the day. The question that they posed was, how can you tell if a girl is on psychiatric medication simply by looking at her? The answer was if she has fake boobs. The explanation was an abnormally high number of women who get plastic and cosmetic surgery also suffer from this list of mental illness, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues and the things that go along with that. If I was giving advice to my 17-year-old brother and he's saying, you know, this 18-year-old girl who got a BBL, I would tell him, she might be more too expensive for you. And I'm not just talking about money-wise, I'm talking about headache-wise, I'm talking about time investment, I'm talking about how often you're going to need to validate her, how often you're going to need to entertain her, how often you're going to need to reaffirm her because she can't affirm herself, right? How you might have to step into a daddy role in her life that you're not ready for. I'm hype, this is going to be fun. Oh my God. Now I'm nervous. I should have took my medication. Man, you'll be all right. You'll be all right. You're in good hands. You are with a black man. You're in good hands. We're going to talk about that too. What? I'll explain. I'll explain. Okay, so I just asked you about some of your questions, curiosities when it comes to men, particularly the black men, and you were talking about how we benefit from the system, patriarchy. I want you to elaborate on that. I don't want to misquote you. I was saying I don't understand the some of the, I guess, anger, misplaced anger towards women because women didn't create the system. Black men didn't necessarily create the system either, but they decided to, they wanted, in general, generally speaking, that they wanted to uphold a lot of what the white man wanted to uphold and live within his society and be, I guess, lived like that. So now that things are changing, a lot of men don't want to, they don't necessarily want to be looked at as their value is just based off of what they make. But like I was telling you, that's not something women created. We were placed ancestors, we're placed with men and that's what they had to do because we didn't have rights at a point in time in history and different things like that. So I feel like how are you mad now at the women that are still expecting that when this is not a system that women created, also, what I said, also like the 50-50 thing, that's cool if that's cool if it works for, because times are hard, inflation is real. So I get it, but with that comes, I don't believe in 50-50 relationship thing and when I say that, I don't mean, I'm not talking about money because I feel like in general you're supposed to give your all and you're supposed to help out where you need to help out regardless to whatever, but I just feel like why are men mad at a system that women did not create? Like I told you, we do participate and perpetuate and uphold a lot of the patriarchy views and things like that, but it's what we were taught. Do you, like when you say men are upset with women, what have you seen that look like? What you mean like? Like what are some examples? So like some people might say Kevin Samuel, some people might say the internet, Instagram, memes. It's definitely the internet. It's me scrolling down Facebook. What are you saying on Facebook? Man. Y'all women, y'all only want us for our money and things like that, and the main one's saying that they ain't even got it, but that's another story for another day. But y'all men are, you know, men, we're more than what we have in our pockets. We want this, we want that and, you know, come basically complaining in a sense about being the provider, but yet still wanting to be the head. You know? So it's just like, I don't want to say you can't have it both ways, but you gotta, you gotta, you gotta kind of pick what, pick the fight. Like what are you fighting? Like you can't complain. Yeah. It's not saying, I don't believe your values should just be what you make, but you have women who are going to naturally want a man who is able to take care of home. Okay. Let's, let's handle these things one at a time because it's a lot. Let's do this. You asked me a question because I've been a man for a while. So whether it's a question that you've already posed or something that you just thought of, what would you like me to address as far as these things? The anger or the 50-50 or the... Why do you, why do you feel men maybe slightly upset with women, you know, based off of them being looked at as, looked at as only what they can do financially for a woman? Like do you think, do you think they should be upset? Do you think, how do you feel about that? Do you think they should be mad at women in particular, especially black women? So one of the reasons I started this channel in this series in particular is because, you know, so I started, we need to talk in 2013. So I've been having these conversations for a while and what I noticed is that men are saying one thing, women are hearing another. Women are saying one thing, men are hearing another, right? And women think that men are simply just angry at them because of, you know, expectations of the whole nine. But at the core of that anger, what I'm hearing from men and also what I've experienced in my own life is it's a, I can't win for losing. It's a, even when I do all the things you tell me that a good man is supposed to do, you still talk down to me like I'm a boy. Even when I treat you like the queen that you claim to be, you still choose a shitty guy over me, right? So the complaints that I think are valid, and these are the ones I can really address are the complaints of men who are actually doing what they're supposed to do. You know, the men who are, whether it's making the six figures, whether it's conscientious, whether it's emotionally intelligent, whatever women say we're not doing enough of. In my experience as a man and in my experience as a researcher, the men who get the most shit are the ones who are doing all the things that they're supposed to do. So I think black men at this point now that we have podcasts that people are saying we need to throw away and all that good stuff, now that we have the might, you know what I'm saying? We might not always do the best job at articulating what it is that we're trying to say, what it is that we feel, but we're trying to say, listen, I'm a person too. I have feelings too, right? And one of the big things, and I did want to throw this back at you, right? One of the big things that men feel, especially from our women is your default setting is he ain't shit until he's proven otherwise, right? And we talk about that in the context of like white supremacy and how white people think we are criminals or Jezebel's or whatever the case may be, until we show that we sound like them and we have the same education. But a lot of black men, especially the educated ones, get that same interaction with our women. So why do you think we feel that way? Why do you think that is? I feel like, I feel like everyone's feelings are valid, but I feel like it could be, I don't want to say it that way, but... Say it how it is. Listen. It's kind of like... The same PG. It could be, I feel like a lot of times it's the type of person. It's the type of person. Maybe that good guy is also choosing the type of woman because what I tend to see a lot is men that do well for themselves, listen to that, they want a certain aesthetic a lot of times. Okay. Okay. And that particular... Let's just say the Instagram girl. VLs. The BBLs. Yeah. The toddler hair. All of that. So it's, they want a certain aesthetic, but the women with that, not all of them of course, but typically the women with that certain aesthetic is going to have a certain attitude about themselves and weigh about themselves. There's a lot of men in their DMs more than likely. And I feel like they may get that girl. She might go out with him because he can spend money, whatever it is. And I almost feel like in a sense they're trying to turn that woman into what he wants her to be, but she's not that girl. So maybe they, if you're feeling that way, you might just have to look at a different aesthetic. And it's not just a, I'm sorry, it's not just about the way you look, but I noticed because I see guys say things, they'll post a certain type of girl, this and this and that. And then in the next breath, you're mad at the Carisha's and stuff like that, but that's the look you're constantly posting and things like that. So I don't get it. I feel like it's very, a lot of contradiction going on. So. So first and foremost, I think that's a fantastic point. And I think, I say this to women all the time, like, why are you with him? Why did you pick him? You know what I'm saying? Because you end up dealing with what it is that you choose. So that's valid. That's completely valid. However, when I'm talking about the low expectations, I'm not even relegating that to romantic relationships. I'm talking about, for instance, one of my subscribers, he DM me his testimony about being at, I think he was at Home Depot or Lowe's, and he literally watched the black clerk offer a better customer service to the white guy than was offered to him, right? Whereas the white guy didn't have to offer any extra receipts or anything like that. There was extra scrutiny on this black man. Now it would be one thing if he had a pookie aesthetic, whatever the case may be, but like you go to this dude pays, he's wearing suits, like he's that type of dude. So even if maybe he was, he had a do rag on that day. There should be a sense of I see you black man, I see you black woman, you know what I'm saying? We're just in our natural state, I'm doing some shit. But there was still that same suspicion, that same condescension that we talk about seeing from white people. So that is the meat of what it is that I'm talking about. But the other thing is, unfortunately, unfortunately, men are visual creatures. We're going to start negotiations on how you look. I mean, I get it. You know, how our loins react to you. And you know, as much as I encourage men to get to the point where, you know, you're past that and it's more about, okay, what can she do for you? How can she improve your life? How can you guys improve each other? That's kind of where we're starting the negotiation. So like, do you think, if you had to give men advice on how to make the distinction, sometimes it might be hard for us between a potentially good woman and the BBL crew. What would you like? I don't want to make it seem like just because you got a BBL that you, you know, that type of girl, but because that's not necessarily true. I have a conversation, actually talk. I mean verbal conversation because one thing I noticed is people trying to get to know people through texts. And I feel like you're not going to be able to know the distinction. You can't just go off of the way she looked because you could be surprised that this girl with the BBL might be intelligent to grow up this type of woman you like and all that. But I feel like it has to be, you have to have conversation, like true conversation. Of course you got to like the way they look. But I feel like you can't go into it only paying attention to possibly what it, like you might see what you like and that's fine, but you got to really look at the person and really have in-depth conversations with them. I really think it's, it takes conversation and just getting to know somebody. I don't think it's really, I'm not going to say it's not that hard because things take time and people grow different ways over time and then you learn more about people over time. But initially, I'm noticing a lot of guys don't even want to really have conversations. Like just talk. Just talk. It looks like talk, like you can, you call me, we can hang out, like talk. I feel you, I feel you. Before that. So I would be, if I was my little brother, 17, right? So if I was giving him advice, I would say if she has a BBL, just go ahead and put her in the play thing category. Just as a dude, that's how we do it. So. Okay, I get what you say, that initial. Exactly that initial. So like initially from, you know, you're on the inside, I'm a dude. You're on the inside looking out, like what are some things that we can use to differentiate between a potential, somebody who's potentially worth investing the time to converse with and dialogue and figure out if it's going to work and somebody who needs to just be a play thing. Okay. So before the conversation, if you, to me, if you see her, I wouldn't say if she has a BBL, don't talk. I'll explain. I'll explain. I got you. But. Does she have a. I'm going to explain. I promise. Go ahead. It's like, does she, I do feel like that person's aesthetic will tell you a lot about how they are. If she looks, if you walking down the street and she looks like a typical. Clone version of what you see on Instagram with the BBLs, the super hair, long hair to the ankles, all of that stuff, the long baby hairs and super long nails. Lashes that are, might be, I would say, sometimes ridiculous, but. So you're trying to be nice. I am trying to be nice because here's the thing, because I don't, as a black woman, I don't want to sit here and down another black woman for how she chooses to look. It may not be my cup of tea, but I don't want to make it seem like it's she's wrong for how she look if that's what she chooses to do and how she chooses to look. Because that doesn't equate to her being a bad person, a thot, or whatever they call them nowadays. I don't know. But it doesn't equate to that, but it does tell you that this person, it could tell you that this person is probably into, maybe they're probably into this type of music because if you look that way, nine times out of ten, you want to be into a certain type of artist. And if you know, if you think about it and you're kind of like, well, that's not really my vibe. If it's not your vibe, then you already know. Don't don't go with that. If you see a girl who's more of what they would say, I guess, like Earthly and things like that free spirited free spirited. And you know, you like in the streets and stuff like that. Don't bother them. Leave her alone. Like, because I just, you got to go with what you, what you vibe with to a certain, to some, to some extent. So I don't know. But why you think the BBL girl should have no love? That's what I want to know. So boom, right? Um, you remember Spike TV? They, I remember. Yeah, yeah. Spike TV, they had a show called Mansers back in the day. Now, I never did the research to validate this claim, but I think it helps make the point. But the question that they posed was, how can you tell? And mind you, this was like early 2000s. But like, how can you tell if a girl is on psychiatric medication simply by looking at her? The answer. And again, I don't have the stats to back it up. Be honest and transparent, but the answer was if she has fake boobs, there's a white show in titties, boobs, you know. So, um, the explanation was, um, typically apparently there's an abnormally high number of women who get plastic and cosmetic surgery also suffer from this list of mental illness, anxiety, depression, uh, self-esteem issues and the, you know, the things that go along with that. Um, so obviously it's not foolproof, but typically if a girl augments her body, she does not feel comfortable about herself and typically, um, it's kind of a slippery slope sometimes, you know, especially when you consider the medical system is going to try to upsell you, you know, your nose could be a little bit, you know, this and that. So therefore, if I was giving advice to my 17 year old brother and he's saying, you know, this 18 year old girl who got a BBL, I would tell him, she might be more too, too expensive for you. And I'm not just talking about money wise. I'm talking about headache wise. I'm talking about time investment. I'm talking about how often you're going to need to validate her, how often you're going to need to entertain her, how often you're going to need to reaffirm her because she can't affirm herself, right? How you might have to step into a daddy role in her life that you're not ready for, right? So I think men who've been in the streets, you know, we've seen certain patterns, you know, we've seen certain things that are consistent. And what I've been trying to tell women, and I can't remember the brother on Instagram who went viral recently for saying it better than I could. But he said, men don't like BBLs. We like naked women and women with BBLs tend to be naked. Right. So this idea that women are doing this very dangerous surgery like BBLs are freaking dangerous as hell for male attention is not accurate because it's only certain males who gravitate towards that type of aesthetic, you know, all males want to sleep with it because we're we're men, right? But as far as, you know, what kind of man is going to want to be with you? It's going to be rapid. It's going to be peacock guys. Right? Peacocks. I call them peacocks. Oh, because shiny, shiny, ostentatious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And unfortunately, I think what makes this a little bit complicated and we'll get into it. You know, women are hypergamous. Um, it's a word that I didn't know until YouTube, but basically hypergamy just means women go after the best possible option you're wired to. And with that being said, the metaphor is that women's eyes are looking straight and up. They're not looking down. So whether it's a man who is literally shorter than you, you won't see him who makes less money than you, who's less educated than you, you won't see him or who doesn't have a certain level of cloud that you feel like it's to your level or above these days. Most women won't see him. And that's why, um, since the rappers and the club promoters want BBLs, the idea is that men want BBLs when the vast majority of men are here beneath your line of sight. Um, but yeah, what are your thoughts on that? I do agree that, um, I think, I guess up to me, it's kind of obvious if you change something on your body, it wasn't insecurity. Like you're not changing your body, you know, through surgery because you just want to know you didn't like it. So that I will say, now that's the thing I don't like that some women do. I will say it does bother me because it's just like, if you're going to get the surgery fine, but stand on it and be honest, you're insecure about what it is that you're changing. And we all have something on us that we maybe wish was a little different. Some may go the natural route and just do some squats and some do the surgery.