 Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop. Carrot is, it's a biannual, ameaceous plant with a usually orange-colored spindle-shaped edible root. That's what a carrot is. Very simple. A carrot is also a little girl by the name of Kathy, who lives in Springfield with her family, the Anderson's, in a white frame house on Maple Street. That isn't quite as simple, but it's true, like this. Ah! See? Kathy, will you please stop that? But I have to learn it. That's all I've heard for a week. Carrot. Jim, why don't you leave the poor child alone? I'd like to move out until she decides whether she's a carrot or a girl. Oh, I'm a girl carrot. They're going to do the play tomorrow, and then it'll all be over. By tomorrow, I'll be a raving maniac. Kathy, why don't you go up to your room and study the part? Betty kicked me out. Well, go down to the playroom. Butt said he'd shoot me. I don't know. I've had a hard day at the office, dinner is late. Jim, I told you why it was late. I know, but... I've got to get this carrot costume finished for Kathy's play, and it isn't going to get finished by itself. I understand that, Margaret, but I don't think it's asking too much that I be permitted to read my newspaper. You go right ahead, dear. It won't bother us a bit. Thank you very much. All right, Kathy. But Daddy said... Your father doesn't mind. Okay. I am carrot. Honey. Read your newspaper, Jim. Oh. Go ahead, dear. I contain vitamin C. Holy jumping catfish. Jim, what is it? Look at this. Stockwell's giving out the insurance contract tomorrow. Who? Ryan Stockwell, the man who's putting in that subdivision in North Springfield. Oh. Well, you've already put in your bid, haven't you? That isn't the idea. I've got to see him and talk to him before he makes up his mind. Well, why don't you call him up? Margaret, when it comes to business... Yes? You just don't understand. I... You don't call a man like Stockwell. You're introduced to him like the army. You go through channels. I've got to be recommended to him by someone he knows and trusts. Well... Gribble's been promising to do it for a month. They're very good friends. They play golf together all the time. I... Just a minute, dear. Jim, I don't understand. Why can't Mr. Gribble still do it? Because he's out of town. He won't be back until tomorrow. And that's too late. Well, I'm sure you can think of something if it's important. Important? A contract for building insurance on 200 houses? How important can a thing be? Go ahead, Kathy. We're listening. Yes, Mommy. I am carrot. I contain vitamin A. Margaret, how do you expect me to figure this out with you? There. I think the costume's all finished. What did you say, dear? I... Never mind. How do you like it, Kathy? Is that supposed to be a carrot? Maybe if I call Henry Liggett. Let's try it on, dear. Of course it does. Doesn't it, Jim? I've done lots of things for Henry Liggett. Patty Davis has one just like that. And she's a squash. I know, Angel, but this was the only shade of muslin I could get. It's a child quiet. Kathy, hey, Mom. We're in the den, bud. When's dinner gonna be ready? I'm starving. Is dinner ready? I was just asking, Mom. I'll be right down. Kathy, will you please go into the... I don't want to be a squash. You aren't a squash. You're a carrot. Patty Davis. She's a carrot, too. She's a squash. Kathy, I think we've had quite enough of that. Kathy. Hey, Mom, I haven't had anything to eat since four o'clock. Bud, for Pete's sake, we're having enough trouble. Why don't you go back to the playroom and do what you were doing? But it's after six o'clock and I haven't... What's the matter with her? I'm not supposed to be a squash. Bud, tell Kathy the truth. Does that costume look like a squash? Heck no. There, you see, kitten? It looks like a pumpkin. Wasn't it supposed to? It's a carrot. That's a carrot. Kathy, if you don't stop wailing, you can't be in the play at all. You don't seem to realize how important this is. And you don't seem to realize that I am not a costume designer. I don't mean a costume. I mean stockwell. Mother, Bud said dinner was ready. No, I didn't. I said I was going to ask Mom. A hundred thousand dollars worth of insurance and we have to worry about Kathy looking like a pumpkin. Betty, does this look like a pumpkin to you? Oh, yes, it certainly does. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to be a carrot. Well, creepers, I'm not a mind reader. I thought it was a pumpkin. If only Gribble would come back. He could fix everything. Does he know how to make carrots? I wasn't talking about carrots. I'm going to spoil the whole planet. Mrs. Lindsay dumps the whole thing in our hands. Why doesn't she make the costume? Angel, I'm sure everyone will know you're a carrot. Make believe you're a fat carrot. Van Norton. Margaret, do you suppose he knows stockwell? I don't know, dear. Kathy... What if you put a coat hanger in the shoulders? If it's wider on the top, it'll look pointy on the bottom. I don't care how it looks. If I don't meet stockwell... Ma'am, please, this is getting ridiculous. This started out being ridiculous. I've got a chance to sell $100,000 worth of insurance. Wait a minute. I've got it. Your father? But I've got it. We can paint green spots all over her. What? Then she can go as carrots and peas. Then she wouldn't have to dance and jump around and all that stuff. She could just sort of lay around in a plate. Kathy, please. I don't know. Other children want to be cowgirls or ballet dancers or movie stars, but not my daughter. She has to be a carrot. Mother, maybe if we put a hoop around the shoulder... There isn't anything wrong with it the way it is. It doesn't look right. I still say if you paint green spots on her... Betty, will you please answer the carrot? What? I don't... Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself. Get a man some mixed up. He doesn't know whether he's animal, mineral or vegetable. Hello? Hello, JP Gribble. Gribble? Well, it's Mr. Gribble, honey. Well, thank goodness. JP, you'll never know how happy I am. When did you get back? Just a little while ago. What are you so excited about? I've got a big favor to ask of you, JP. You see? Well, just a second, Jim, before I forget why I called. Look at the service club luncheon three weeks ago. Oh, sure. But you see, I have a... You wouldn't happen to know how... Oh, I've got his address somewhere, but I'd like to tell you about... All right, JP. Just hang on. I'll be right back. Practically life or death, and he calls it a little matter. Of course he can. I'm sorry, kitten, but I can't stop to talk to you now. Nobody cares if I look like a carrot. Nobody cares about anything. I haven't time now, dear. I've got to speak to Mr. Gribble. But he said... Becky, please. Hello, JP. Yes, Jim. I have all the information for you. Oh, God. His name is Paul Roberts, and you can reach him at Box 907, Central Station, Middletown. Box 907. Central Station, Middletown. Oh, thank you, Jim. You've been a great help. That's all right, JP. I was just wondering... How about that? You see, it's been moved up to tomorrow, and I thought... Jim? JP, I... I don't know how to thank you. Oh, don't even... Yes, we do. See you. See you in a little while. Well, everybody's wonderful. Lucky for Father's peace of mind that he doesn't realize what Mr. Gribble was talking about. But ladies, more often than not, the head of the house does know what it's all about. For example, you just can't fool him about truly good coffee. You see, your husband is the world's greatest coffee expert. Of course, people call us experts, too, because more families buy Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But when you make the coffee and fill the cups, your husband is the only expert you care about. And tomorrow, if you'll pour him a steaming, fragrant cup of our Maxwell House, we're mighty sure he'll smile with pure pleasure and say, Now, that's coffee at its best. We're so sure he'll say that. So certain he'll enjoy our coffee best that we'll give you back your money if he doesn't. The truth is, no other coffee has that same hearty good to the last drop flavor. The reason is our recipe. A very special recipe that demands certain choice coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has that recipe. That's why no coffee tastes like Maxwell House, since no coffee is made like Maxwell House. Serve our Maxwell House to your husband tomorrow. And if he doesn't say best coffee ever, then simply send us the can and unused portion and we'll cheerfully refund your money. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Yes, tomorrow, find out how much the world's greatest coffee expert enjoys Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Happiness, according to DeMaurier, is like time and space. We make and measure it ourselves. It is a fancy, as big as little as you please. Just a thing of contrasts and comparisons. Well, that's the way it is with the Andersons. The dinner hour is past, and happiness floats around the living room on wings of shimmering song, like this. We're a salad, can't you see? Full of vitamin ABC. Daddy! Let this radishes carry you. Just a minute, Betty. What's the matter now, Cathy? Betty's the onion and she isn't singing. Isn't it bad enough I have to play this horrible thing? No, Betty, when you were rehearsing for your play, Cathy helped you. She didn't help me do anything. Why do I have to? No, mind bud, you're a radish. Cut seat to it that you sing like one. Holy cow. Betty? Do I have to? That's right. Go ahead, little onion. Jumping creepers. Isn't this fun, Daddy? It certainly is, kitten. All right, Betty, let's go. The things I have to do. Ha, ha, ha, you and me. Vegetable salad I love to be. Makes us up and turn us round. We're better in your tummy than in the crowd. Father, if that isn't the worst thing. She did? She certainly did. Well, I could have sworn it had a Noel Coward touch. Noel Coward's probably rolling in his grave. But he isn't dead. No? No. Well, a thing like that could kill him. It's beautiful. Well, how are all the little vegetables getting along? Mommy, did you hear it? Yes, dear, I'm afraid I did. I mean, yes. Did we sound like a salad? Exactly. With rope for dressing. What? It isn't important. We better do the next verse, daddy. It's getting late. All right. We'll dedicate this one to your mother. Mother, you don't want to hear it, do you? Please? If you don't mind, I think it would be very nice. Let's go, Betty. My own mother. It isn't that bad, dear. How bad does it have to be? Never mind, bud. Verse two. Briefers. Onions, raisins, croons and such. Salads can't contain too much. We have minerals for your bones. And we taste better than ice cream cones. Ha, ha, ha, you and me. Vegetables, salad, I love thee. Mix us up and turn us from We're better in your tummy than in the ground. Lovely. Margaret, let's not overdo it. Well, I just, it was very nice. Thousands of kids in Springfield and she has to be a carrot. Well, now that that's all taken care of. Oh, we haven't finished. I have. Just a minute, bud. Kathy, you mean there's more? There are 14 verses. I think I'll go downstairs and take a look at the furnace. I just fixed it, dad. Well, I'd better go turn off the light in the playroom. I turned it off. I see. Have you shaved tonight? Shaved? Gosh, no. All right. I think I'll go upstairs and shave. Jim, if it's only 14 verses. I'm not going through 14 verses of that. Well, I'm not going to. But dear, if Kathy needs you. Margaret, there's no reason why you can't be ahead of Lettuce, is there? Jim, I can't possibly. Lettuce is a boy's part. Kathy. And mommy doesn't sound like Lettuce. Well, this is Lettuce whose voice hasn't changed. Kathy, don't start that again. I sang two verses and two choruses of that miserable. Jim. Of that beautiful song. She thinks I'm going to sing one more word. Mother, why do we all have to suffer? Well, I thought you were having fun. Oh, mom, please. Well, weren't you? No. Kathy, I'm afraid you're outnumbered. Gee whiz. Now, does anybody mind if I do something I want to do? Gribble. Mr. Gribble. Want me to see you? Never mind, but I'll get it. I'll open the door for him, dad. Kathy, I'm perfectly capable of opening a door. Angel, please. Don't annoy Mr. Gribble. But he said he was coming over to... JP. Well, we finally made it. There you are, Kathy. What do you think of that? Mr. Gribble. JP. Isn't that the biggest carrot you've ever seen in your life? Oh, it isn't anything, sweetheart. Kathy, I've got to talk to Mr. Gribble about... Mommy, Mr. Gribble brought... JP, would you mind telling me... Hello, Margaret, how are you tonight? Hello, Mr. Gribble. I was just telling the children. Mr. Gribble. Kathy told me about her little problem and I... Well, they sort of take care of it, don't you think? Hey, Betty, where do you see this? What is this? JP, I... I don't bother thanking me, Jim. I wasn't trying to thank you. I mean... Jim. I know what he means, Margaret. My children are all grown up, but I went through the same thing myself. Kathy, take that carrot out of here. Oh, just a minute, sweetheart. This is a very interesting thing, Jim. I'm sure it is. We had an agricultural exhibit at the factory a few months ago, and they brought in a dozen of these giant replicas. Paper mache, you know. Onions, radishes, carrots, all sorts of vegetables. How wonderful. And, Kathy, take that thing... Well, when it was all over, VO, that's my assistant, you know, he always said to me, what do we do with all this stuff, JP? JP? I said to him, put them in the basement, VO. That's what I said. You never can tell when you'll need a thing like that. Wasn't that thoughtful, Jim. Oh, yes. Yes, sir. Waste not want not. That's my motto. Mr. Gribble, I think you're wonderful. Well, we won't argue about it, will we? Oh, if any of your little friends need a costume, the rest of the junk... The other vegetables are on the porch. Mr. Gribble! Kathy, but... I might hear, Dad. Oh, give Kathy a hand with this, will you? Okay. Will you excuse us, Mr. Gribble? Of course, my dear. Thank you, Bill. That's quite all right, sweetheart. We can cut holes for the arms and legs and one for a face. Come along, Betty. Well, wonderful thing, children, aren't they? Uh, yes. About that other little thing, JP. What other little thing? What? I said, what other little thing? The introduction. What introduction? Jim, you aren't making sense. JP, you didn't forget. I didn't forget what? About Stockwell. Stockwell? Now, see here, Jim. But you said you were going to introduce me, didn't you? To Stockwell, that crook? Crook? I wouldn't introduce my worst enemy to that... that stroke-stealer. Oh, no. You know what he did? Beat me four rounds in a row and then had the nerve. The nerve, mind you, to come up with a handicap of 24. JP... Bribed a handicap committee. That's what he did. Bribed them. 24. Well, that's... that's like getting a license to steal. JP, if you'll only listen to me. Jim, my boy, you're better off without people like that far better off. JP, I've only got until noon tomorrow. Stockwell, he's a 12-handicap man if I ever saw one. Maybe 10. But if you'll only listen to me... Well, I've got to be running along, Jim. Will you say goodnight to Margaret for me? JP, let me tell you one thing. 24. Most outrageous thing I've ever heard of in my entire life. That's what it is. JP! Outrageous! I don't know. Jim, we want to show Mr. Gribble... Why, Jim, what happened? He's gone, honey. And so is my deal with Stockwell. Well, don't be so upset about it, dear. There'll be other deals. But this one was right in my hip pocket. All I had to do was meet the man. Let's go into the living room and sit down. I wouldn't care if it weren't something I could handle. But I can give him better service than anybody in Springfield. Of course you can, dear. What am I going to tell Buckley? A big deal like this and it slips right through my fingers. Bud? All right. All right, dear. Jim, isn't there someone else you can call? Who? I don't know. But how about that friend of Henry Liggetts? You know the one we met at the Van Norton's? He's in the construction business. But I hardly know the man. How can I ask him to introduce me to somebody else? Daddy! Not now, Angel. We're very busy. But Billy's father wants to talk to Daddy. Who's Billy? He's the radish. Margaret. I'll take care of it, dear. Kathy, Daddy doesn't have any time tonight. Suppose I talk to him. How'll that be? Well, he asked for Daddy, but... Would you mind speaking to my mother, Mr. Stockwell? Who? Daddy, what's the matter? Mr. Stockwell! I'll be with you in two seconds, Mr. Stockwell. Just as soon as I can... Well... Mr. Stockwell. Mr. Anderson, I hate to impose on you like this. You wouldn't be Brian Stockwell by any chance, would you? Yes. But you see... Mr. Stockwell. Oh, I've probably got a lot of nerve. But you see, my son is supposed to be a radish. He said that your daughter was going to have a wonderful carrot costume, and he's been driving me crazy all night. I see. We don't know anything about making costumes. And if you or your wife could help me make Billy look like a radish... Mr. Stockwell. Why don't you leave everything to me? You mean you'll take care of it? We'll make your son look so much like a radish, he won't feel happy outside of a salad bowl. Mr. Anderson, I don't know how to thank you. Uh, why don't we go into my den and talk it over? You don't know how grateful I am. Wait a minute, we won't be able to go into the den. The children are working on Kathy's costume. Let's go into the living room. Ah, you'll lead quite a life with children, don't you? Children. Aren't they wonderful? What is it that makes a cup of coffee worth cheering about? Why, nothing in the world but flavor. So when you buy coffee, make sure you get the most in flavor for your money. And that's no trick if you remember that there's one coffee famous above all others for flavor, our Maxwell House coffee. Tomorrow then take home that familiar blue tin with the big white cup and drop. Fill your husband's cup, and you'll see the world's greatest coffee expert smile happily and say, best coffee ever. And for value, just count all the delightfully satisfying cups of truly good coffee you get from each pound of Maxwell House. Yes, next time you buy coffee, get the most in value, the most in flavor, the most in real coffee enjoyment. Choose Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's sometime later in the white frame house on Maple Street and everything is quiet and under control. Happiness once more reigns supreme. And so does Mrs. Lindsay's masterpiece. Ha ha ha, you and me. Vegetable sour and I love thee. Mix us up and turn us round. We're better in your tummy than in the ground. Father, I don't think I can stand any more of this. Of course you can. It's fun, isn't it, bud? Don't ask me. I'm unconscious. It's fun, Daddy. Good. Now, are we ready for verse 12? Oh, no. All right, Betty. Holy cow. We are full of calories working just like little beef. We will make you good and strong. So join us in our happy song. Ha ha ha, you and me. Vegetable salad. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Step right up today for brand new crinkles. Candy-kissed rice, it's twice as nice. Crinkles, the sensational new sugar-coated rice cereal. Yes, sir, the whole family will have a circus eating crinkles because candy-kissed rice is twice as nice. Just add milk or cream and eat. No sugar needed. Crinkles are the quick energy treat for snack time, too. Crinkles, the newest post cereal. Get candy-kissed rice crinkles today at your grocer. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Bargy and the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast for Norma Jean-Nilson as Kathy, June Whitley, Rhoda Williams, Ted Donaldson, Ed Begley, Olin Soule, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed Jane. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. Your police force goes into action. It's Dragnet, next on NBC.