 Oh, don't drink it, oh man, here we go. Item number SCP-1933 Object Class Safe Special Container Procedures SCP-1933 is to be kept in a standard low-security cell equipped with basic furnishings. It is to be provided with two liters of Irish whiskey, 500 millimeters of double cream, no less than 48% fat content, 25 grams of powdered sugar, and 20 milliliters of refined vegetable oil on a daily basis. As SCP-1933 is unwilling to engage in basic hygiene, it is to be forcibly stripped and showered by level 3 personnel on a weekly basis, and its beard shaved and nails clipped on a monthly basis. Its soil clothing is to be considered highly flammable and is to be incinerated as a fire hazard. Description SCP-1933 is an obese middle-aged Caucasian male in a constant state of moderate to severe alcohol intoxication. SCP-1933's body fluids, including both intracellular and extracellular fluids, consist entirely of a substance identical in composition to the alcoholic beverages known as Irish cream. The substance adequately fulfills the functions of the fluids it replaces in SCP-1933's tissues, despite the fact that it renders normal biochemical processes essential to life impossible. Foundation scientists have been unable to determine how it manages this. SCP-1933 subsists on a diet of cream, Irish whiskey, sugar, and refined vegetable oil, the basic ingredients of most commercially produced varieties of Irish cream. It prefers to supplement its diet with small amounts of various herbs and flavorings, usually coffee, but these are not essential to its survival. It is incapable of digesting anything that is not a standard ingredient of Irish cream, including Irish cream which has been prepared beforehand. SCP-1933 will display effects consistent with acute malnutrition if its blood alcohol content significantly falls below or exceeds a range of 15-20%. The typical alcohol ABV? Well, why can't I remember what ABV stands for right now? The typical ABV of Irish cream. SCP-1933's bodily fluids are safe for human consumption if intake is limited to 25 ml or less within 24 hours. If a subject exceeds this limit, there is a significant risk that all of their bodily fluids will be transformed into Irish cream. This substance does not fulfill the functions of the fluid it replaces, as it does in SCP-1933. As such, it is instantly fatal. The probability that a subject's bodily fluids will be transformed into Irish cream increases by approximately 5% for each additional milliliter of SCP-1933's bodily fluids consumed. It is not known if the bodily fluids of SCP-1933's victims would have the same anomalous effects as SCP-1933's bodily fluids if they were to be consumed. Prior to common containment, SCP-1933 was chronically homeless, sleeping either on the street or in derelict buildings, wearing a Santa Claus suit at all times, stealing money with which to purchase the specific items of food and drink necessary for its survival. Collecting its bodily fluids in bottles. It would attempt to break into people's homes between 2300 hours of December 24th Christmas Eve and 500 hours of December 25th Christmas Day and place cruelly wrapped bottles of its bodily fluids alongside other wrapped presents with the intention that they would later be unwrapped and subsequently consumed. SCP-1933 claims that this activity was motivated by a benevolent desire to get people presents and refuses to acknowledge that its bodily fluids are fatal to consumed in large quantities. It has not been determined whether or not it is genuinely unaware and unwilling to accept that this is the case or whether it is trying to conceal malicious intentions. However, the general consensus among Foundation staff with 70-SCP-1933 is that the former is more likely. Gross is what I say to that. Gross.