 Hi, and welcome to today's episode of recover loud. I'm your host Mike Paddleford, and I recover loud Today we're gonna hear a story from a woman in Westfield, Maine Westfield's a small town between Prescott and Mars Hill Her story will demonstrate that regardless of where we live The problems from addiction are sure to find us I've recovered loud, I've recovered, I've recovered loud Let's go. I'm on a journey to discover the truth Living life and recovery is lovely. You got the power in you Surround yourself with positive energy Judges hitting people with provocative penalties Need to make a change, advocate to change the laws Through the people that it's not insane When you stand behind the cause, I'm here to speak about the pain Recovered loud to normalize the disease That's been killing all my friends And my family, the time is now to let it all go And recover loud, the benefit is healthy people Family and friends that never have to overdose Ever again, never have to plead out to a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could, but I'm so proud that I discovered how To live my life again, controlling my own destiny I needed recovery, I still needed desperately Addiction never defined my identity I've recovered loud, here to tell my own story I recover proud, save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, here to tell my own story I recover proud, save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover, I recover loud I recover, I recover loud I recover, I recover lab, I recover, I recover lab. Welcome to another episode of Recover Loud. Today, we're sitting in beautiful Westfield Main with Macy Dyer. Macy, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining us and being willing to share your story. Can you start out telling us when did you find recovery? I found recovery on September 15th of 2020. So as of recording this, I'll be sober in about two weeks. For two weeks? Yeah. Did you ever have any periods of recovery that lasted that long? No. Tell us a little bit. How did you get here? How did you start your recovery? So I went to prison for about a year. And I was sober for maybe a month or two when I got out, and then I started using it. But it had been my first long-term period of being sober. And so I was using for maybe five months and then I ended up getting arrested again. And I was in jail for about two months, which after having the long period of sobriety in prison and then that of two months in jail, it really made me want to do better when I got out. Because I had wanted to when I got out of prison and I saw how badly it got so quickly. So I finally got out and went on house arrest with my grandparents. I haven't lived with them since I was a kid and they are more strict than my mother. So it really helped me. I used to hate that, obviously. But yeah, it really helped me to be there and to not be able to do anything. Like I didn't really see anyone for anything for months. Yeah, so you appreciated the boundaries now that you really have your desire. Yeah. And that worked. And a lot of times it doesn't work for somebody even though they have their desire. They have the ability. And when we don't, those boundaries really upset us. Yeah. So that's great that you found what you could do to continue. Can you tell us a little bit about what it was like for you growing up? Yeah, so I didn't have a bad childhood. I didn't have a great childhood. It was just kind of bad. Yeah. So I mostly grew up with my mom, but my mom and dad were on and off together until I was like 11. So he wasn't always there. And then once they finally split up, whenever I would try to do things with him and like plan stuff with him, I'd say, yeah, I'll be there and then it was never there. So as a child, from like, he already wasn't there all the time in the first place to that happening, that really hurt me. And I mostly stopped talking to him. But when I was 18, I started using, and he was also using, he had been an addict most of my life. And then I understood. It's not an excuse for treating me like that. But I understood why. You understood? Yeah. We don't necessarily make the best decisions when we're using sick. We don't always expect or want the results, but they happen. A lot of times, I know for me, it can't be used. So it wasn't helpful. But do you remember the first time you used it? Yeah. What was it like? I was 18, and I had this group of friends that we hung out every day at one of the friends' houses. And I mostly smoked. And so I got in my friend's car, and I thought that he had been smoking. And plus, he was doing oxides. And I was like, whatever, let me try them. And he tried to convince me not to. And we argued back and forth. And finally he let me, obviously. He had to stop. And that was it. It wasn't a slow fall. It was a, I did them every single day after that. Do you remember what it felt like? Yeah. I've always had really bad anxiety. And when I got older, I think I was like 23 or 24. I got diagnosed with plastic surgery. And so that pretty much made me feel nothing. It made me feel like I didn't have problems. It helped with the anxiety that I couldn't get help with through the doctor. And it was nice. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's a benefit. My addiction started with painkillers because I had, there was a benefit. And at the time, I know for me, I didn't find regression. Doing more because I needed more. As long as I was feeling good, it didn't matter. And it wasn't the way I was trying to cause anything. Yeah. That it really, that I'd noticed it negatively affected me. What did your using cost you? A lot of things. Not as bad as some other people because my mom was always there to support me. She didn't explicitly kick me out. I say explicitly because if I had warrants or something like that, she didn't want to. She wasn't going to lie to me, but she wasn't going to purposely hurt me. So. So there was some criminal involved? Yeah. I went to jail quite a few times and I lost quite a few jobs. I lost friends and wasn't in touch with a lot of family. Didn't go to family gatherings. And it felt bad because obviously they know what I'm doing. Yeah. Do you think they knew who you were using? Were you hiding it from them? At first, for the first maybe a year or so. I don't think they knew. But at that time, me and my best friend were living at my mom's house. And we were both. And we started just getting stupid, I guess. And we would leave stuff downstairs like in our rooms and stuff like that. And at that point, she knew. But there was nothing that she could do about it. And eventually we ended up talking about it. But it took a lot. Yeah. It's not easy conversation for parents to have with you. It's... I remember my mom, when she was dealing with cancer, getting her prescriptions. We'd never had a conversation. But when I'd asked her for some notes, noted it. And she would actually give me some. And I went through a lot of healing and stuff like that. I think if I had had the conversation with my mother, she could have helped support me in a better way. They just, you know, not wanting me to feel sick or in pain. And I remember I used to have many people to get those. But so over the years, you said you didn't lose friends. Yeah, I've lost quite a few. First was my uncle, which was when I was 18. And I think I hadn't started using yet at that point. But his death was related to drugs. And he had been using for quite a while. So that was before I even used. And then after using, I mean, I've lost quite a few. Mostly people that I wasn't super close to. But there were some that I was really close to. And I have tattoos for them. And then I have one friend that was the worst. That was just over a year ago. And he had been sober for a year and a half or two years. Came up here to visit and overdosed my mother. And none of us thought he was using. So we found him way too late. And so I was maybe eight months late. And I felt terrible. I felt that guilt of like I could have found him sooner. And I was in my bedroom, which is just across the upstairs. And didn't hear anything. And it really bothered me. And I've gotten over it more now. But it's still really hard. But it is what pushed me to completely stay sober. So you didn't relapse? No. I saw how that hurt me and my mom and his mom. They were all there. Well, his mom came shortly after we found him. And just seeing them and seeing what they were feeling and feeling it myself. Made me never want to put my mom through them again. I don't know if I would have relapsed after that or not. If I hadn't been properly medicated on mentoring all of those things. But I'm here. I didn't relapse. And I try to tell people about it so that they know about it. It just really affected me. And he had been sober for a long time. I don't want that to help someone. Because it helped me. In the recovery community we deal with loss all the time. It might not be somebody we're close with. But we met a lot of them along the way. And for myself I use it as fuel to keep going. Because that's one person I see and overdose done today as preventable. We do have an arc and there's the good Samaritan law. People can call 911. We didn't always have that in the past. But today there's lots of ways that we can help. There is a new drug they're talking about. Zylism. Where an arc can still not reverse it. Which is something else that we have to figure out. So that we can help save our friends. But when we lose a friend and we fall back. It doesn't help anybody. It just increases the pain for our family and our friends. But it's not easy. And so I congratulate you for continuing. And I really push you. Because that's what we have to do. With all of life. We can't just fall back to what we used to do. Because it only gets worse. So you found recovery in 2020. Here it is 2022. And what's life look like for you today? At this point I literally can't even imagine myself in the places that I used to be. Like I'll think about it sometimes. And think about the houses that I used to be at. And the things that I used to do. And I don't even recognize that person. Because now I'm stable. I'm content with my life. I'm not emotionally just wrecked all the time. I have that in check. And I have a stable job. A really nice vehicle to me. A really healthy relationship with my boyfriend. And with my family. And it's given me a lot. And it's helped me cope. And be supported. You know that's the good stuff. The joy, the gifts of recovery. Being grateful for what we get. That's helped me stay sober. Because I can walk for all kinds of things that I'll never do. Today I know I'm happy with the things I've been able to do. Having a vehicle was one of my biggest accomplishments in the beginning. Because I had never had a car before. Probably the car that I had before I went to rehab I actually traded. Which sounds pretty ridiculous today. But it seemed to make sense back then. And for the next eight months I was walking. So these achievements are big. And we celebrate them. I used to have really debilitating anxiety. That I would worry about every little thing. Literally all the time in my head it would just be replaying. Everything whether it be past, future. Something that just happened a couple months ago. Everything. And now not having that. It's weird but it's something that has helped me so much. Not having all that in my head all the time. You mentioned your mental health mess. And do you think that's played a big role? Having a provider and getting the mess that you really need. That has definitely been one of the most helpful things. I started trying to go to the doctor for my mental health when I was 14 I think. And they just kept saying you're a teenager also you must be depressed. And I kept trying to tell them I'm not depressed. I have all these thoughts in my head I have really bad anxiety. And they didn't care. I didn't want to hear it. I had depression. They kept putting me on anti-depressants and they never helped. So I tried so many meds that I just eventually stopped and eventually started using. So when I did find the right combination of medications that really helped it. It has helped exponentially. Like no matter the small side effects like gaining weight or anything like that. I don't care. It helps me so much that I wouldn't stop it anywhere. Yeah, that's great. Is there anything you'd like to add? Something you'd like to tell people maybe struggling today with the decision to find recovery? For me it was about finding a purpose. And I used to think that sounded ridiculous because I did not understand the point of everything. I didn't understand what the point of life was. Nothing matters. We're all just going to die in the end. And that was my thinking mostly because of what was happening in my brain. And it doesn't have to be like that. I had to find what I believed in and that helped me more than anything when I first found recovery. Well, I'm grateful that you did. Grateful to have you out here sharing your story, trying to help other people understand that recovery's possible. We don't have to get stuck in the dark. We don't have to pretend that these mental health issues aren't there. We can get help. We don't have to mend pain or worry. That's how others can come to grips with it. So, thank you for coming. And one thing I really think that I have to add is that I know a lot of people think that they are just too bad, too far into it. I, myself, was really deeply bad into it. And I have seen other people that were worse than I was that have been through worse things that are now clean and in recovery. It doesn't matter how old you are, how far you are into your addiction. You can always get better. It's good spot to have you. Thanks for joining us. And we'll see you next time on Recovery Lab. September is National Recovery Month. Many organizations within the recovery community will be hosting events with speakers, music, information and resources. This gives us the opportunity to get out and have a good time. It also shows the world that recovery's possible. By sharing the resources and spreading the message, we're able to help end the stigma of substance use disorder. Throughout the month, watch for events coming up in your area. Get out and experience the life that you've provided yourself by choosing recovery. If you have a chance, share your story or a resource that might help benefit others. If you're not in recovery, get out and support the community in your area. This is our chance to recover loud everyone. Happy Recovery Month. This Tuesday, September 6th, I'll be starting an all-recovery, recover loud meeting at the Caraboo Roads to Recovery Community Center. If you're looking for a supportive meeting, however you decided to recover, please come check us out. From abstinence to MAT, I support you all in your journey of recovery. Join me Tuesday mornings at 10 o'clock at the Caraboo Roads to Recovery Community Center for Recovery Loud. This season of Recovery Loud is presented to you by Elevate Audio and Visual, Recovery on the Road and Recovery Aristic. This episode is sponsored by Anderson's Auto Repair, LLC. Anderson's Auto Repair, locally owned and operated in New Sweden, Maine, specializes in all-make, all-model vehicle diagnosis and repair. Each individual service is backed by our nationwide TechNet, two-year, 24,000 mile warranty. Call or stop into schedule and appointment today. Anderson's Auto, for wherever the road takes you. This week, I'm proud to announce that I'll be traveling around the county, visiting some of the area schools to help train and distribute Narcan to the area school nurses. It's important for the nurses to carry naloxone in order to save our children. Whether we agree with the need or not, the need is there. If your school does not have a naloxone policy, push your school board to get it done. Saving our children's lives should be their top priority. Hi, I'm Mike Paddleford and I Recovery Loud. On August 8th, Maine's expanded version of the Good Samaritan law goes into effect. This law is intended to make it more likely for someone to dial 911 in the case of a drug-related overdose. This law removes the penalties and the threat of prosecution for all drug-related offenses and most non-violent crimes, as well as probation, violation, and parole revocation. It is now safe for us to dial 911 in the case of an overdose. We don't have to take care of our friends alone. Please help save a life by dialing 911. If you or someone you know would like to carry naloxone, you can reach out to me at recoveryotr18 at gmail.com. Recovery Loud, everybody. This is a brand new episode. Recovery Loud, everyone. My friends and my family. The time is now to let it all go and recover loud. The benefit is healthy people, family and friends that never have to overdose. Ever again, never have to bleed out to a lesser defense. I'm proud to say that I recover loud. I never thought I could, but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again. Controlling my own destiny. I needed recovery. I still needed desperately. Addiction never defined my identity. I recover live here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover lab, I recover, I recover lab