 Hey, Tony guys can see here Turned off my chat. I don't have too many distractions No question of the day today got a question and I've been jotting down your questions So every now and then if I see your question in the comment box I'll jot it down and put it in my notes so I can come back later and address it, but I was The the question I keep seeing especially as it relates to As it relates to Men in relationships is why do men lie? And so I want you to understand this because for one all humans lie women lie to but One thing that I that women keep sending me is about why do men lie? Why does a man say he Needs time. He needs space. He needs a break Why does a man not want to be in a relationship? But says that he does why does a man waste your time? When you ask a man how he feels why doesn't he tell you the truth about how he feels? well, the thing about it is men lie one because men fear being judged so Every man has a fear of Being judged and what you're gonna think about him how he looks so in that sense of fear of being judged is when a man lies about His job or his income or his age one thing that I keep bumping into is men telling women that they are five years younger and The man fears being judged because he feels like he should be more successful or He fears being judged because he he knows that he shouldn't be trying to talk to a woman Who's 22 or 25 if he's 40 and so men fear Judgment another one of the major issues when you think about men lying is a man does not want to Let a woman down so in a sense of a Man doesn't want to get to the place where he has to tell you the truth. I mean, it's hard for me online because majority of my viewers are women 95 percent and Women ask for the truth But really don't want the truth and I say that to y'all ladies to be honest with you That's why a lot of men lie like that's why when you get online You get a lot of lies and you get relationship coaches and life coaches like myself It's other men out here who will come on and lie and say what you want to hear because When we speak the truth from a male perspective It's you know, you get chewed apart you oh, that's not true That's not what a real man thinks and that's not how men think and that's not how men are and it's like Hmm, and are you the man or am I the man, you know, like who's the man here? How can you tell me? How a man thinks and how a man feels if you've never been a man and a lot of them Oh, cuz I had a father and I got a brother and I got a cousin and I got a man. My best friend is a man one thing you have to realize is that 99% of the men that you know that you talk to are lying to you unless he absolutely 100% loves you and that's typically Your brother, but even then I know as a brother I'll lie to my sister too and here's the reason why Truthfully honestly, you may not believe this But a man does not want to hurt a woman's feelings You've seen the commercial and you've heard it said all the time where where the woman she's trying on the clothes And she said, you know, do I look bad in this or do I look, you know fat in this or big in this or unattractive in this and the man like stuffs the snickers in his mouth and it's because you know, how do I answer that question because Yes, that may not look good on you But do you really want to hear that because if I say that you're gonna get angry you're gonna get upset You're feeling gonna be hurt. You're gonna be ready to cry But you ask the question and so if you look on Instagram, I do a Q&A almost every day I do an Instagram Q&A in my stories and some of those questions I mean, it's it's not a lot of space So I gotta be direct and when you read it, it may sound harsh. It may sound very blunt But at least no one gets to see the face or the person who asked the question and how they respond it but The the biggest reason and I know I gave you another reason of men fear being judged But the biggest reason that men lie to women is Men don't honestly don't want to hurt a woman's feelings and I know as a woman you say well, you know I'm a grown woman. You know, I can handle it I'd rather man give me the harsh truth than a sweet lie Or the ugly truth than a pretty lie But that's not really the truth Because when you really get the real truth a lot of times for imagine like this sit, let's say you're talking to a guy and You say, you know, do you want to be in this relationship a Lot of times men who are wasting your time. They'll say, you know, yes, like I believe it can work I believe we can go somewhere but I'm just not a hundred percent sure because I'm still figuring myself out So I just want to you know, take our time and so he'll tell you that and you'll be like, okay Okay, cool. You can stomach that answer But imagine if you ask that question, do you want to be in this relationship by or why not and then he said and then he says to you well, no, I don't because I Truthfully as I got to know you and I saw you without makeup you really look atrocious compared to how you looked with makeup on and nine out of ten times when you talk to me your breath smells like garlic and I Really am not attracted to you because I don't even like your personality and how you are and honestly I feel like you may be Falsely arrogant and you kind of come off as a very rude and nasty person But you pretend to be nice in front of everybody. So I Really don't like you and to be honest with you. I probably would be okay if I'd never heard from you another day in my life Now that may be his truth. That may be the hundred percent truth But do you really want to hear that? Do you really want to hear that and so honestly, that's why men lie is because just like a man said in the movie You can't handle the truth. That is the truth when it comes to Most men because the way a man thinks is a to be Whereas a woman's mind is so complex that if a woman is trying to get a point across a woman can go from A to M to T To NOP and then to be a woman can articulate herself in a way that she can say the same thing in 10 different ways but with most men most men is a to be and If and if a to be is too sharp and too direct Then he will kind of give you this broad answer And so what women have to do is understand this instead of listening to what he's saying Listen to what he's doing So if you want to know if a man likes you and you ask him do you like me? Do you want to be in this relationship? Do you love me and he says well? Yes, of course I do you know, or I wouldn't be here, but he calls you every other day He does he's not affection. He's not thoughtful. He's not romantic Then you know, he's lying, but he does not know how to word How to articulate his truth in a way that won't absolutely crush you and If you're a woman watching this think about it yourself think about it like Put it in another person another perspective. Let's say Your child comes home and let's say you got a 12 year old and they have art class That's one of their electives and they come home and they show you this drawing and it is absolutely the ugliest drawing You've ever seen in your life. It's beautiful because it's your child But and let's say it's your child's friend. So you don't even love this kid You don't even know this kid. Hey, miss Johnson, you like my art You know me and little Johnny did this day in our class you like it and you look at it And you're like, oh, yes, this is nice. That is very creative And so think about it in that way because even women are faced with situations to where You are forced to lie because the truth would just be your truth would be too harsh and so When when women ask me all the time like Why do men lie? Why would he say he likes me? Why would he say he wants to be in a relationship if he truly does not want to? And it's because he's thinking I will reap what I sow And I don't want to crush her because then somehow in some part of life I'm going to be crushed and so that's what he's thinking about. So he said let me Let her down easy and I saw a question last night in in the q&a And I answered it if you get time to go to instagram to my stories today And you flip through you'll see one of my answer that says he's trying to let you down easy And I can't remember what the question was but it was kind of like he won't let me go Or he or he likes me and he's holding on to me or he has a new girlfriend But he doesn't want to let me go and I'm like, uh, he's already done And that's that's the issue most of the time So understand when a man lies about his status his money his size Any of that it's out of fear of judgment He fears being judged by his age When a man lies to you about you about your relationship status how he feels about you It's only because it's not because he's this obsessive You know compulsive liar it is he Does not want to crush you And you have to honestly be able to tell a man listen Don't Spare me the truth like don't Save your truth for when you're angry and you hate me Or when you're drunk Tell me the real truth I have my big girl panties on I will be okay And I will bounce back but be honest with me because your mouth is saying one thing and your actions are saying another And actions speak louder than words and I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt By taking your words into consideration But your actions are not backing up your words. So I'm about to take your actions And it's everything and I'm moving on with my life full throttle because your actions and your words are not matching up So tell me the absolute truth of what you think and how you feel And you got to lay it out there and make a man feel Comfortable with where you are so that he knows he can be honest with you as adults And tell you what the real issue is And to be honest with you a lot of times You may be toning down some things for the man because he may not be god's gift to women either And so you're like look, you know, I really want a man six foot and you're five eight You know and your breath is not the freshest thing and your toes look like you were raised without shoes in the wilderness and you snore like Bear hibernating and so you may be holding back some truth I'm not saying go and say it like that how I just said it But you may have to be a little bit more open and honest where the truth may sting a little bit To get that man to be comfortable with sharing his truth because at the end of the day the truth saves time And so you know one thing I've always done my wife is is be brutally honest. I'm just honest with her And you know, she's gonna be getting on camera here sometime soon Whenever she gets ready to and she'll tell you like sometimes our conversations my truth, you know, me expressing myself may not be What she wants to hear it may not be It may not come off the nicest way I'm not yelling screaming or cursing But when we express how we feel as humans the other person We're all sensitive. We're all we all have feelings And so that is why sometimes you have to appreciate a lie And you have to read between the lines or read between the lies And the actions will always tell the truth And so sometimes you got to do that instead of just sitting and waiting and I'm I'm gonna do another video on Closure because I got a question about that Which this kind of segues into it. So get that in your mind from this day forward And I tell people You know Helen Keller she has some of the greatest quotes and one of her quotes kind of says like A lot of people have sight But have no vision. She has another quote. That's a that says like It's not about what you see or what you hear. It's about what you feel And I say that in relationships. Sometimes you have to take the Helen Keller approach and stop going off of What you hear what you're being told And sometimes you can't even put a hundred percent into what you see But you got to go off what you feel So here's one key If you have to ask me your mother Your best friend Hey Do you think my boyfriend my fiance or my husband loves me or in or is in love with me? If you have to ask that question then the answer is no Because you should be able to tell based on their consistency If they really are into you because the patterns What they do consistently with with what I talk about in um Make it work. If you haven't read make it work. Make sure you go to Barnes and Noble or amazon or Books a million wherever your local bookstore And get make it work But I talk about that and pay attention to what they do consistently because that will not lie so hey tonic ask us here Please understand that as men In the dating field in life a lot of times men will tell more lies than the truth But it honestly stems back to a man's innate desire to protect So a lot of women Man, I just opened up a whole another chapter of of of discussion here but a lot of women Have been lied to by their fathers Your your father who brought you into the world who? Who gave you life your mother brought you in but your father who gave you life? A lot of fathers lie to their daughters Because the truth about himself and the truth about a man would expose His daughter to the realities of the world Which is ugly to the reality of a man, which is a ugly truth It's it's like um eating that apple from the tree of knowledge You know the tree of good and evil It exposes you to an ugly truth That you really do not want to know in a lot of cases so Even fathers and brothers are lying To the women that they love in their life And so that is something as a woman you have to stop depending on closure and verbal articulation and expression and effective communication you have to stop depending on that And hanging your your hat on that and waiting for that and you have to use your woman's intuition the female intuition is Very very strong stronger than the male Intuition in a lot of ways in a lot of cases So you have to depend on your own faculties the the innate abilities that you have To read through the crap and your heart is telling you What it is your heart is telling you what your relationship is Your heart is telling you how your man feels about you your ex Your current Or when you meet your next your heart is telling you but even that truth May be too harsh and you don't want to accept it So what happens is is you ask him a question Deep down knowing that he's lying But you believe the lie because it comforts you in the present time Because to hear the ugly truth will force you and require you To make changes and to do something different Which may mean washing your hands of that Situationship that you're calling a relationship for facebook and instagram Washing your hands of that situation ship packing your things Getting your kids and moving on with your life But that truth is so hard and so painful you hold on to his lies Which says I love you and I want to be with you, but I need some time You hold on to that and it cost you More than you can pay So hey, this Tony gassing I could talk on here for an hour, but I don't want to do that I think i'm pop right back on here on this live just so I can break up my videos and do the video Closure because as you all know if you don't know me if you google me I'm not a youtuber I am a celebrity life coach at an international speaker And so in my normal day to day I don't always get the time to do this But I've been trying to carve out some time at about noon eastern to come on here and do a live or Shoot a video or upload it almost daily at least monday through friday on weekends I'm a lot of time gone on soccer So depending on how I'm feeling how my voice is feeling when I end this I might get back on here And talk and do the video I want to do on closure But hey, this Tony gaskins We'll talk soon