 What is up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and today I wanted to take a moment just a moment of your time to discuss relationships. Like I don't know about you but relationships can jack you up. All right like I have been in some of the most toxic brutal relationships and a lot of it was because I had no business absolutely no business dating anybody in the first place. So recently as some of you know I've been doing a lot of writing over on medium that's why I haven't really been uploading videos as much I love love love writing but anyways I had an article go semi viral over on medium and it was five signs that you're not ready to date and after sitting here I haven't been watching all the commentary videos and stuff like that but I've seen it all over Twitter all of the stuff playing out with Jay station youtube's resident guy who I don't know speaks to dead people and his ex-girlfriend after watching that play out I was like huh there's some points that I made in that article that I kind of want to discuss here on youtube all right so if you are not caught up to speed let me just give you the brief very quick rundown so Jay station you know he he has a channel where he does like 3 a.m. challenges and bunch of goofy just trendy things that kids like right so anyways he recently got the bright idea that he was going to fake his girlfriend's death and then the idea behind it was they were going to resurrect her and everything like that well anyways before he had a chance to do so he woke up and girl bounced all right her name is Alexia and Jay station made a video where he was in his closet I think crying and discussing the relationship and everything and he talked about how she accused him of assault and assault with a weapon and everything and said there's a warrant out for his arrest but as far as I've seen there's been no verification that there's a warrant out for his arrest anyways Alexia finally made a video discussing the relationship and why she left and all these other things right so you can go check out their videos if you want to get the the full the full story personally I have to watch those things at two times speed because I just I can't I can't handle it I can never go back to a regular life ever I can't get a job I don't have a high school diploma I dropped out of high school in grade nine got a criminal record from when I was younger I ran away from home when I was a kid I got in all kinds of trouble man my parents my parents used to like fuck me up when I was a kid and I ran away from home but yeah after seeing how that whole relationship played out like maybe Jay station should stick to fake hooking up with his friend buddy yeah like that like that oh that's a that's a perfect shot that's 200,000 likes okay now we gotta take a picture together what do you mean a picture together just take a little selfie with me all right all right so say cheese cheese so first let's talk about just not being ready to date all right and here's here's something that I really want you uh you ladies out there maybe even dudes if you're watching this to kind of look out for I can never go back to a regular life ever I can't get a job I don't have a high school diploma I dropped out of high school in grade nine got a criminal record from when I was younger I ran away from home when I was a kid I got in all kinds of trouble man my parents my parents used to like fuck me up when I was a kid and I ran away from home and bro I would get bullied in school so I ran away from home I dropped out of school I'm in the middle of the ghetto and shit all right so although I never made a career out of like 3 a.m challenges and talking to dead people and using Ouija boards like I can actually relate to J station in this sense like I stayed single for a year and a half single single and sell a bit for a year and a half after I got sober best decision I could have ever made so like something that I I did was not only did I constantly get into toxic relationships but I always blame the other person I always said oh it was her fault and I played this victim and I'm like why can't I find a nice girl all these other things right but finally when I was able to sit back when I got sober and kind of analyze these relationships I'm like oh my god like I was I was the biggest issue in these relationships right but the question is why why did I act the way I did in these relationships and like J station's been very open about and I I don't know if it's to get pity or whatever it is or if he's just being vulnerable and sharing his experience but like he discusses his messed up childhood like in the video he recorded in his closet he discusses his screwed up childhood and I can definitely relate to that some of you might be able to as well but here's the thing like we carry so much of that into our relationships whether it's our friendships whether it's romantic relationships whatever it is so one of the reasons I stayed single for a year and a half was because I was messed up and until I had the courage to face those things and figure out why I behave the way I do in relationships I realized that I had no business dating the the the thing I realized was it was extremely selfish and self-centered of me to pull somebody into a relationship with me when I was messed up right because we all have this human need to be with somebody right like just based on our biology and the the need to reproduce and all that like we were constantly looking for a partner right and something that we get into the mindset of at least in my experience is we want to get in relationship because we're dealing with so much pain and we believe that this person can fix us all right and listen like we don't we don't date because we figure the other persons like an auto mechanic and they're just gonna fix us up like I realized how selfish that wasn't me like it's nobody's responsibility to fix me it's my responsibility to go out there and get help and understand why I keep hurting the people that I'm in relationships with and because because I've worked on myself for so long like finally like I am in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in like my beautiful girlfriend Tristan and I we've been together for over three years now and it's an actual healthy relationship and one of those reasons is because I'm working on those things constantly even though I'm miles ahead of where I used to be I've worked on all those things that were just buried down in my subconscious that made me sabotage my own relationships all right so the other aspect of this whole thing playing out that I wanted to talk about was Alexia discussed how she caught Jay going through her phone and checking like old DM and everything was going really good for a long time until one night I was sleeping Jay decided to take my phone and look through every single message I had on my texts every single message on my Instagram on my Twitter even though these messages weren't even bad and were from years before I even met Jay Jay still thought that because of these messages I was going to cheat on him I would never do that guys I would never cheat on someone in a million years Jay told me that he does not want me to have Instagram he does not want me to have Facebook he does not want me to have Snapchat he wanted to completely erase all of my social media and you guys have to understand that this is not a normal thing for someone to ask of someone in a relationship all right so check this out this is the biggest red flag all right this is a huge huge huge red flag somebody going through your phone so check this out like like Alexia said like Jay's justification for this was his previous girlfriend cheated on him right and here's the thing here's one of the biggest mistakes that I personally made was carrying from what happened to my last relationship into my new relationship like that is so unfair that is so unfair to do to your new partner right like I understand that we get trust issues from what happened in our last relationship but I realized like I was just carrying the baggage right like one relationship ended terribly and I just packed it all up in a suitcase got into my relationship brought that over with me and then once I destroyed that relationship I took all that stuff put it back in the suitcase and then brought it to my next relationship so next thing you know five women later they're having to deal with all the BS that happened to me in the past and here's the way I had to think about it in order to get out of that cycle all right I had to start asking myself how would I like if the woman I was dating kept coming after me for things that her exes did to her you know what I mean like I'd be like oh oh that's not fair I'm different I would never do that I would never so if it's unfair for them to do it to me why on earth would I do it to them like every relationship is a clean slate right like if not we are going to eventually sabotage that relationship and again that is one of the reasons why I work so hard to to work on myself you know what I mean like Tristan you know she goes out and hangs out with her friends and she's she's uh going to college there's a bunch of like young bucks over on the college campus and I've been cheated on the past but if I get all up in her business about that like I will destroy my own relationship you know what I mean and the last thing I want to say on that is because sometimes we are absolutely justified absolutely justified in being suspicious but here's the thing that I learned like if you have a good reason to go through your partner's cell phone like maybe that's a huge sign that you shouldn't even be in that relationship at all you know what I mean like I've been in relationships where there was shady stuff going on I suspected they were cheating then they were cheating you know what I mean like I should have cut and run from those relationships way before that stuff happened you know what I mean but anyways today because I've figured out how to build my own self-confidence and things like that I don't have those insecurities that make me want to do those things and make me want to go check their phones you know so that is one of the reasons why I work a lot on self-love and self-confidence and self-worth you know what I mean because when I'm able to work on those things my insecurities don't screw up my relationship you see what I'm saying so I think there's a lot a lot that we can learn from this about relationships but anyways I don't think anybody I don't think anybody out there is a lost cause and they should stay single forever but again like we need to just be self-aware we need to understand what our part is in screwing up these relationships and quit playing the victim and realize like yo maybe we're not ready to be in a relationship yet and once we work on ourselves then we can start dipping our toes back in the water you know what I mean but anyways that's all I got for this video if you want to check out my medium page I've been writing a ton over there so go check it out it'll be linked down in the description as well as that article I told you about five signs that you're not ready to date you want to check that out all right anyways thanks again for watching and a huge huge huge thank you to everybody out there supporting the channel over on Patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental health books over at the rewiredsole.com and the merch and everything like that and if you're new don't forget to subscribe and ring that notification bell see you next time