 Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Elliot Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, appearing each week in their own theater, starring in a repertory of transcribed stories of their own and your choosing. Radios for most players in radios for most plays. Ladies and gentlemen, Elliot Lewis. Good evening. May I present my wife, Kathy. Good evening. Anton Chekhov was a great playwright and short story writer. He also wrote some wonderful one-act plays. Walter Brown Newman is a tremendously gifted young author who's written radio and motion pictures and television and about everything else that a gifted young author can write. Anton Chekhov lived in Russia and is dead. Walter Brown Newman lives in California and is alive. And tonight we're going to do his adaptation of Anton Chekhov's wonderful one-act play, The Bear. The way used to sing so for your sake. Oh, there's sadness in the note that comes trilling from the throat. Excuse me, ma'am. It's only me and shorty. Come in, boys. I can't seem to find my kerchief. Right there, ma'am. Next to the late lamented mustache cub. Thank you, Luke. It didn't mean to interrupt nothing. I was only sitting here looking at his picture. Elegant. Wasn't he shorty? He purely was. Thank you. You're both knobby-looking yourselves this morning. Smell good, too. Ed Pinard, ma'am. I reckon us fellas in the bunkhouse used a gallon of Ed Pinard for to slick him up. Didn't be shorty. We purely did. Well, Colonel Roosevelt and his rough riders don't have a reunion every day. All the boys started for town? He hasn't. Me and shorty were just fixing to leave ourselves. There won't be a soul left on the ranch. That's all right. I'm used to being lonely now. Oh, change your mind and come with us. No. Ma'am, I'm going to speak a little piece. I've been cooked with this outfit ever since the poor defunct first-olded. Well, ma'am, what you're doing yourself just ain't right. It purely ain't. You're destroying yourself. Today's the day to make your heart bust with gladness, is that pretty? Everybody's out for a good time. By eating the cat on the porch is enjoying life. She's laying there on her back in the sun, switching a tail and a purr like an hoggy. You ought to be doing the same. But instead, you squat in this parlor with a curtain down from one day to the next and don't pleasure yourself. Never. I reckon it's the whole year since you left the house. I'll never leave the house again. Buck lies in his grave and this is my grave. We're both dead. No, ma'am. That's just it. You ain't dead and you can't be gnashing at teeth and wailing at more than a dear department forever. It ain't right never to see no one or never to pay any calls on nobody. We won't discuss it any further. When Buck died, when Buck died, my heart died. I'll mourn him the rest of my life. Wherever he is, he'll see how much I love him. Oh, ma'am, please, let me harness Blackie for you and drag you to town. Oh? What'd I say? Blackie was his favorite. What a rider he was. He looked like part of the horse. Before you leave, give Blackie a lump of sugar. A big lump. Yes, ma'am. Tell him to go away. I won't see anyone. Go tell him, Shorty. See my tears. See how I forgive you. See how I love you. Please, ma'am, get hold of yourself. You can't understand. Why, sure I can. One of my old woman took a sec one time. I just couldn't bear it. Sarah, I'd say to her, hurly and air. Sarah, I'd say, I wish you'd get well or something. But, ma'am, you've got to get the bulls on it. Ma'am, there's a fella who says he's just got to see you. Didn't you tell him I see no one? Throw him out. Throw it? Ma'am, he stands about 18 hands at the shoulder. You have a gun on your hip. He's got two on his and a knife in his boot. Ma'am, allow me to present myself. Stephen Gregory owner of the Bar Circle Y. I'm here in a manner of the greatest importance. What is it you want? Your late husband died $1,200 in debt to me. The interest on the mortgage on my place is due tomorrow. I'd like you to pay me the money today. $1,200? What for? Partly for Oats bought and delivered. The other $1,150 piled up, cutting for high card. If my husband died in debt to you... I have as I owe you. If he owed you money, you'll be paid. But not today. I won't have a large enough sum in the bank until the day after tomorrow, so I cannot oblige you this morning. If you'll excuse me, I'm in no condition to give financial matters my attention. And I'm in a condition which, if I don't pay off that mortgage, will oblige me to blow out my brains. I'll take my ranch. You'll get your money the day after tomorrow. I want it today. You'll have to excuse me. I cannot pay you. You'll have to excuse me. I insist that you pay me. If I can't, I can't. Is that final? That's final. Absolutely? Positively. Gracias, muchas gracias. And everyone wants to know why I can't keep my temper. I'll thank you to leave now. I need money. I spent all day yesterday writing from one debt beat to another. They owe me a fortune. I can't collect a penny. Will you get out of here? I'm puckered out. I'm 70 miles from home. I slept in a saloon last night with a brandy keg for a pillow. I've finally come here. It's my last hope. And what do I get? I'm in no condition to give financial matters my attention. Why shouldn't I be in an uproar? I distinctly told you my banker would pay you the day after tomorrow. I didn't write all this way to see your banker, but to see you. What the devil have I got to do with your banker? I'm sure I go after the boys. Quick, fetch them back. Now, sir, will you leave or will you stay here bullying a woman and a widow until my hands return and give you your just desert? Is it my fault you're a woman? Is it my fault you're a widow? Do I have to pay off my mortgage or don't I? What do you expect me to do when my creditors come stripped down of my long johns and pretend I'm a ghost? Luke, don't just stand there. No, no, mister. I go to Tim Reed and I break his nose. Still he won't pay. I beg Henry Dawson with a two by four and he won't pay. And you, you're in no condition to give financial matters your attention. Not one of you pays up. Just because I'm too gentle with you. Just because I'm waxing your hands. Mister, I miss you. Shut up. Who are you talking to? I'll cut your heart out. I'll tell you this, ma'am. If you think you can diddle me out of my money just because I'm a gentleman, think again. The pitcher has gone to the well once too often. Sir, I have never diddled anyone. And I am not accustomed to being addressed in that tone of voice. I've been as patient as I can, but my patience is at an end. Good day. So's my patience at an end. Even a worm turns. Well, I reckon I'll be a bit too long. Beautiful manners your boss has. Just beautiful. Does she think she can treat me like this and get away with it? Does she? I don't like to know. I came here to be paid and I will be paid. Is it warm in here? I'm so mad, I'm dying of heat. Why are the windows closed? Why are the curtains drawn? A little air in here. I get so worked up when people shove me around. Take advantage of my good nature. Treat me like I have no feelings. Bartender. Me? Get me some whiskey or some water or something. Pronto. Who can make sense out of a woman? I'd leave it to you. Can you make sense out of the way a woman thinks? Well, you've got to try and understand. I'm going local. I need money so bad that she won't pay because she's in no condition to give financial matters her attention. That's the way a woman thinks. Does it make sense? You've got to try and understand. Where's that drink? I'd rather try to reason with a mule than a woman. A mule will meet you part way. A mule's a miracle of logic compared to a woman. I can't abide women. Whoever could, don't now, not likely to ever. I get mad even when I see one from a distance. Where is she? Stretched out most likely. She's been poorly. She used to see in folks. Give me a bottle. Been poorly. Ever since Buck died. She's not putting anything over on me. You hear me wherever you are? You're not putting anything over on me with those dimples, those bright eyes, those widow's weeds. I can't be deadled. I've been around. I've seen the elephant and heard the owl. Please, please. She's so low in spirits. Who am I low in spirits? I'll match my spirits against hers any time for lowness. Fine hospitality. I must say gorgeous hospitality. In the middle of a conversation, she stalks out like a turkey head. Well, you can't write that bleemer not all together. She's used to having a gentle call on her, not looking like you, Louie. What do you mean like I look? You're trying to crowd me? Well, there's a mirror right there. See if he says... Oh. Well, maybe so. A little dusty, but you can't ride for two days without getting dusty. And my boots? But how can I trample Billy Clay right in his own pig pen and keep my boots clean? And my pants? I'd like to see her sleep on the floor of a saloon and rise up with fresher pants. She was put out by my appearance, you suppose? Don't exactly inspire confidence. Well, I know I shouldn't come calling on a lady in her parlor looking like this, but she should have realized in the circumstance common sense would have told her. That's what I mean a woman's got less logic than a mule. Anyway, I'm not here on a social call. I'm a creditor. There's no rule for how a creditor should dress. Just to see... Shut up! ...the sound of a man's voice in this house. And I can't stand shouting. I must ask you to go and leave me in peace. Pay me my money and I'll go. I thought I'd made it plain. You'll have to wait till the day after tomorrow. And I thought I made it plain. I don't want the money till tomorrow. I want it today. If I don't get it, I'll have to destroy myself tomorrow. Who drew those curtains? Who opened this window? I opened the window. I drew the curtains. She expect me to sit in the dark with no air. Am I a gopher? Answer me that. I need to breathe. How dare you shut that window? Stand aside, sir. You people ask me why I get angry. Get out of my way. Oh, Hooligan. You bear. How dare you break that window? Don't try to change the subject. I'm not here to talk about windows. I'm here to get paid. I don't have the money now. And I'll sit here and wait until you do. Please. I'm not well. Neither am I. After all the popsicle I had last night, but I'm going to sit here till I get paid anyway. Have I got a mortgage to meet tomorrow? Have it I. You can be sick for a week. If you like all right, then I'll sit here for a week. If you're sick for a year, I'll sit here for a year. You're not putting anything over on me with those widow's weeds and those bright eyes and those dimples. I know those dimples. Now, you will understand that I won't be diddled. You bear. You bear. You are listening to Kathy and Elliot Lewis onstage to nice play The Bear. There's outstanding dramatic listening in the day time too on CBS Radio. Ma Perkins and Aunt Jenny make fiction as real as life with their gripping day to day dramas. Young Dr. Malone and Perry Mason keep you thoroughly engrossed in their exciting daily adventures. Malone's in romance and medicine, Perry Mason's in the legal field he knows so well, and there are many more, making up the entire CBS Radio Daytime family. They're yours for the best in daytime listening at the Starz Address. Out of my house. As soon as I am paid, I'm not enjoying this. Do you think I'm doing it for a joke? Stop yelling! This isn't a saloon. I'm not talking about saloons! I'm talking about the $1,200 you owe me, and the mortgage! I have to meet tomorrow! Don't dare you behave like this to a woman. Do you call it etiquette to criticize a guest in your own parlour? I behave very well to a woman. No you don't. You have no manners. You're an uncouth man. Decent men don't talk to a woman like that. What a business! How do you want me to talk to you, like an Englishman? Ah, my dear, dear lady, what gripping weather, what, what, and how well you look in morning. I say... That's stupid and rude. Stupid and rude! Ah! I don't know how to behave to a woman! Ah! In my time, ma'am, I've seen more women than you've seen bustles. I've had three duels on account of women. I've thrown over twelve of them and been turned down by men! You don't believe me? It's the truth. There was a time when I moved after women like a sick cat. Almost drowned myself in cologne water. Jude sense sent to make my voice soft and my breath sweet. Shaved every day, sometimes twice a day. And wore pink silk goddess on my shirt sleeve. I'm not at all into... I made love passionately, madly, softly, loudly, every which way. I suffered. I hurled at the moon like a coyote. I sang love songs. Whispered sweet nothings. Joined the emancipation league and made speeches urging votes for women, but not anymore. You won't get around me like that now. Get around you! Who wants to get around you? I've had a belly full, soft cheeks, bright eyes, ruby lips, dimples, the moon, dainty hands. I wouldn't give a cow-chip for the lat man. Now you listen to me! All women! All women! Present company accepted. All women! Big or small, thin or fat, old or young are unfaithful. Crooked, vicious, malicious, envious, vain, petty, trivial, greedy, shallow, merciless, ruthless, lying, unreasonable, and where brains are concerned a horned toad can give cards, spades, a little casino to anything in petticoats and still win the game. I speak from experience. You look at one of these dainty creatures, all silks and laces, all gentle smiles and soft sighs, angelic, positively angelic, but when you look into her soul, what do you see? A buzzard. And the most aggravating thing of all is buzzard. For some reason or other is convinced that of all the creatures on earth, it and it alone is capable of love. Now I'll leave it to you, getting right down to cases. Have you ever met a woman who can love anything but a lapdog when she's in love? Can she do anything but blubber and slobber? A man suffers. A man tears his heart to pieces. A man makes sacrifices. And how does she show her love? By fluttering her fan with one hand and getting a good strong grip on his nose with the other. Ma'am, you have the bad luck to be a woman. You know yourself, that's a woman's nature. Tell me the truth. Have you ever seen a woman who is honest, faithful, steadfast? Of course you haven't. You'll find a cow who can play the mandolin before you'll find a steadfast woman. You're quite finished. That's the gist of my remarks anyway. And as you see it, when it comes to love, who is it that's honest and steadfast? The man. Of course it's the man. The man. Men. Honest and steadfast did you ever. You'll listen to me. I'm going to tell you about men. Where did you ever get the idea that men are faithful in love? I'll tell you about men. I'll tell you about the best man that ever lived, my late husband. I loved that man. I loved him with every part of me, every bone, every drop of blood. I loved him as no other man has been loved before. I gave him everything, my youth, the best years of my life, my joy, my property, everything. I kissed the ground he walked on. I worshipped him. And how did he repay me? He deceived me. There wasn't a day he drew breath that he didn't deceive me. Luke's there. Ask Luke. After he died, I found a whole trunk full of love letters. And when he was alive, uh, Hertz shall remember it even now. He'd leave me for weeks at a time, go gallivanting all over the country. And in spite of all that, I loved him and was faithful to him. I'm still faithful to him and true to his memory. I haven't stirred from this house since the funeral. And I'll wear mourning for the rest of my life. Morning. You think that fools me? Don't you think I know why you wear black, why you stay in the house? You want people to say how spirit you will for love of her husband? She buries herself alive. What sentiment? I'm on to you, man. How dare you? You'll renounce the flesh and the devil, but you'll curl your hair and you'll sprinkle yourself with patchouli. I smell it. How dare you insult me? Keep your voice down. I'm not one of your hired hands. I won't be yelled at. You're the one who's yelling. Get out of here. Pay me and I'll go. You won't get a cent. I'll be hanged if I don't. That's one red penny just for spice. Get out of here. I am not your husband and I'm not your intended, so don't make a scene. I don't like it. Get up from that chair and get out of this house. That was my husband's chair. Get up from it. The devil with this chair. I come on legitimate business and I get insulted. I have no time to waste and I'm forced to spend the day discussing chairs. There, there's your chair. You broke it. You broke the chair. All I want is what's coming to me. I refuse to say another word to you. Leave this house. When the cash is in my hands, not before. Where's Charlie? Where's Lenny? They ain't nobody around, mom. Short is gone to second. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Fine open-handed hospitality. You're a hooligan. What did you call me? A bear. Bear. What right have you got to call me names? I'll call you as many names as I want to. You think I'm afraid of you? And do you think you can call me names just because you're a woman? You think I let people call me names and take away my dignity without protecting myself? We'll shoot it out. Oh, hold on. I won't wait. We'll sex-gun. You're not scaring me one little bit. I wouldn't care if you were twice as big and yelled ten times as loud. We'll shoot it out. Nobody is supposed to leave gifts away with it. I don't care if you are a woman. Bear bear bear bear. Well, you says only men have to pay for insults. Who made up that rule? Women are always screaming about equal rights. All right. Let's have equal rights all around in everything. We'll shoot it out. Good. We'll sex-gun. And right now. Right now. I'll get my husband's son. You wait right here. I'm going to enjoy pumping bullets into your thick skull. Right between the eyes. Right between the eyes. I'll bring her down like a chicken. Man, woman, call the same to me when I'm stopping. Oh, Mr. Please don't do this other thing. They leave now for too late. They let it go. Just scare her. No, don't shoot her. If she wants to fight, well, that's emancipation. That's equal rights. It matters like this. I support the new woman. I'll shoot her on principle. Isn't she the heller though? Isn't she a lot of women? See the way she galloped off for a gun, head up, and tail over the dashboard. I'll enjoy putting a bullet in your skull. Did you hear that? And our eyes sparkled. She didn't back down an inch. Oh, please. Please go away. She's a real woman. That's the kind I like. A real womanly woman. Not a drooping sack of marshmallow, but with blood in her veins. All fire, all pepper, all gunpowder. A Roman candle. Shame to kill her. Oh, no. I like her. I positively like her. Dimples and all I like her. I'd be willing to tear up those I'll use. And I'm feeling serene again. I got a grip on my temper. A womanly woman. All right now. But before we start, you'll have to show me how to use it. I've never held a gun in my hand. Come on, come on, but hey, don't act hasty. I'm going to ride down the road and try to find the boys. Please just play for time. This is a fine weapon, ma'am. Good balance. Nice heft to it. It's shiny as your eyes. Nothing as pretty as a coat 45. Just show me how to hold it. The butt goes into your palm like this and you can either pull the trigger with your pretty little finger or flick the hammer with your tiny little thumb. Like that? Just like that. And in aiming it, here, stand in front of me. In aiming it, put your head back a little and hold your arm out like this. That's it. Then when you're ready, you fire. Just squeeze the trigger. Squeeze. Don't pull. Squeeze. Like a lemon. Oh, here, give me your hand. Feel how gentle I squeeze. I just squeeze it gentle. See? Like this. I understand. I'm ready. Where do we shoot it out? In the yard? All right. Let's go. But I'm telling you in advance, I'm going to fire in the air. Well, if that isn't the why... Because, because that's my business. You're not yellow, are you? Are you? I'm not going to let you crawl out of this. You come with me. I won't rest easy till I put a bullet in your head. Well, aren't you coming? Are you scared? Yes, I'm scared. You're a liar. Why won't you fight? Because... Well, because I like you. He likes me. He has the nerve to say he likes me. Come on, into the yard. Wait a minute. Let me load your gun. Give it to me. Listen, you're still mad. I'm a little mad too, but you know what I mean? I can't find the words. The fact is, well, it's like this. Can I help it if I like you? Do you understand? It's all I can do to keep from telling you I love you. Don't come near you. What a woman. I've never seen one like her. I'm a gone goose. I'm done for. I'm a mouse in a trap. Get away from me or I'll shoot. Then shoot. I'd enjoy being killed by a gun held in that soft little hand. You're driving me crazy. Don't talk without thinking and make up your mind right now, because if I once leave this house, you'll never see a hide-and-hire me again. Make up your mind. I'm a rancher. I'm respected in the community. I have 8,000 head of cattle. I can throw six whiskey glasses into the air and pulverize them before they hit the ground. I own the fastest horse in the county. Will you marry me? I want to shoot it out. Let's shoot it out. I'm out of my mind. I'm in love like a boy. I'm happy as a J-bird. I love you. Get off. Get off your knees. Let go of my hand. I love you as I've never loved before. I've thrown over 12 women. I've been turned down by nine, but I never loved any of them as I love you. I'm putty. I'm taffy. I'm wax. I offer you my hand, my heart, my fortune, and my life. Shame on me. Shame on me. I'm mortified as I've never been. I haven't been in love for years. I took an oath and suddenly I'm in love like a wolf in a trap. Marry me. Yes or no? You refuse? All right then. Wait. Well? Nothing. Get out of my house. No. Go away. I hate you. I mean, no, no, don't go away. I had spinning. I'm angry. I don't know what I'm saying. What are you waiting for? Get out. Get out. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Where are you going? Stay away from me. I hate myself for this falling in love on my knees like a schoolboy. I love you. You think I want to love you, but I love you. It's the last thing I intended. Tomorrow I have to pay off my mortgage and stop my round up and here you go ahead. And I'll never forgive myself for this. Take your hands away. Get away from me. Let's shoot it out. Let's... Come on. Come on. Be ready to shoot, boys. Come on. Yes, ma'am. Never mind feeding Blackie that lump of sugar. The Bear starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. In a moment, Mr. and Mrs. Lewis will tell you about next week's play. This Sunday night, Frank loved Joy Stars and the remarkable talent of Egbert Hall and CBS Radio's Theater of Stars. You may find it difficult to believe this tale of a talking racehorse, but you'll find it easy to enjoy. Also Sunday night, here, Lionel Barrymore on your Hall of Fame Playhouse, spotlighting another little-known hero of American history on most of these stations this Sunday evening. Theater of Stars and Hall of Fame Playhouse presented by CBS Radio. And now once again, Kathy and Elliot Lewis. Our thanks to Walter Brown Newman for a lovely adaptation. Can you talk, dear? Enough to say that Horace Murphy tried unsuccessfully to get the courage to throw me out of your house and that Byron Kane escaped my violence earlier in the play. We've done several scripts by another Newman, E. Jack Newman, who is not related to Walter, and his plays have a wonderful effect on all of you. You either violently disliked the party and Eddie and Casey at the bat, or you were thoroughly delighted with them. Well, next week we give you an opportunity to once again either violently dislike or be thoroughly delighted as we present E. Jack Newman's new story, Statement of Fact. Until then, thank you for listening. Good night. Good night. Music for tonight's story was arranged and conducted by Fred Steiner, a Kathy and Elliot theme is by Ray Noble, and the program is transcribed and directed by Mr. Lewis, George Wall speaking. And remember, listen while you work. Enjoy Road of Life every Monday through Friday in the daytime on the CBS Radio Network.