 The Jack Fennie program presented by lucky strike In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts and L-s-m-f-t lucky strike means fine tobacco Yes, year in year out lucky strike means fine tobacco fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette and Season after season that market after market Independent tobacco experts men who spend their lives buying selling and handling tobacco can see the makers of lucky strike consistently selected by that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco real lucky strike tobacco fine tobacco that means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw right program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Dennis Day and yours truly Don Wilson ladies and gentlemen again it's Sunday so let's go out to Beverly Hills to Jack wait a minute every week it's the same thing let's go out to Beverly Hills to Jack Benny's house why don't we go to somebody else's house for a change yes why not let's go out to the home of the of the home of George Burns and Gracie Allen what are you doing nothing Gracie just reading a book the man she will try to stop it but she pushed him aside and staggered across the floor George if you're gonna sit there reading a book why don't you take off your shirt take off my shirt yeah it's so thrilling the way your muscles bulge when you turn the page Gracie my muscles don't bulge and let me read the man she was with trying to stop George is today Sunday yes the man she was with I'm glad it is because I'm Sunday Jack Benny's on the air and I wouldn't miss this program for the world well he's on right now you want to hear him turn on the radio I think he's even funnier than Gene Herschel Gracie he's on right now no Jack Benny oh I wouldn't listen for the world you know George if somebody came around and I didn't listen to Jack Benny's program I'd kill myself Gracie turn on the radio you can hear him but if I kill myself I wouldn't be able to hear the program next Sunday and the program next Sunday would probably be better than the program I killed myself over that's why I make it a point never to miss Jack Benny okay I'll turn it on for him oh George isn't that wonderful what's wonderful the way your muscles bulge when you turn the dial Gracie take off your shirt Gracie will you please keep quiet so I can get Jack Benny's program and Don when I walk into the library and I sit a Rochester what are you doing with those goldfish in your hand what do you think he said to me I don't know Jack what did he say a rocket to look right in my face and Sam Gracie why don't you turn up Jack's program I wanted to tell you that if you haven't reminded me that today was Sunday I would have missed him look Gracie you could have found that out for yourself all you had to do is go out in the kitchen and look at the calendar the red numbers are Sunday but George on our calendar all the numbers are red it's going to bowl of ketchup well Gracie go back into the kitchen take the calendar out of the ketchup and wipe it off it's too late you ate it for lunch I did well yet George Burns why didn't you tell me you like calendars I love them I love them now Gracie you turn on the radio you turn it on Gracie you're the one who wouldn't miss Jack Benny for the world you turn it on you just want to see my muscles both yes yes I want to see your muscles both all right but I'm not going to take my shirt off okay I'll turn it on no kid Justin did that really happen sure Phil and when a man got back on his horse he said he said that's why umbrellas have ribs in them I thought it was funny don't be the scourge Jack I thought it was funny too Gracie stop talking to the radio Gracie why did you turn it off you were talking to me I said stop talking to the radio how do you know the joke was funny you didn't hear the beginning of it all you heard was the answer well that's the only part you're supposed to laugh at oh George you're just jealous because he's so sophisticated and charming Jack Benny no Jean Herschel Jean Jean Herschel where did he come from Denmark everybody knows that look if you wouldn't miss Jack Benny for the world why don't you keep listening instead of turning them on and off and on and off and on and off George you say that again yeah it makes my Adam's apple do tricks and no no it makes you pivot to spin around and fan me look great George I want to listen to Jack Benny but Don you really ought to do something about your weight oh Jack I'm not so fat I went on a diet and lost 10 pounds 10 pounds down 10 pounds off of you is like taking one bucket of smog out of Los Angeles I want to hear the end of the joke that was the end of it when I first hired you 13 years ago you were thin and that's the reason I can't understand each other I want to talk about you're the one who wanted to hear you go again now I wouldn't miss out on the radio if you go on to listen I'm gonna shut it off George turn off the radio because I want to read my book I just bought it it's the razor's edge you could read it in any barbershop for nothing I never thought of that tomorrow I think I'll go down to the vegetable market and read strange fruit we have that book right here in the library no it would spoil it's in the icebox I know Jean Herschelt wrote it know very well now go with the next room I listen to Jack Benny you bet I will and I hope he has better luck than he had last week what do you mean well last week he was expecting Lauren Bacall to be his guest guard she didn't show up oh yes that's right Gracie would you please let me read my book there's only one thing to do if Jack wanted Lauren Bacall in his program and couldn't have her well he can have me I'll go over to his studio right now and I'll be Lauren Bacall George get your hat but Gracie George get your hat Gracie you can't be Lauren Bacall is Lauren pretty of course she is has she got that coming kiss me big boy look in her eyes of course she has is she exotic alluring and irresistible of course she is sure I'll get you have that was the best man played by Phil Harris and his 18 bridesmaids and now and now ladies and gentlemen when I finish a number can't you say something nice not about the music just about the boys you're gonna have to make that track about the bridesmaids well when 18 men come to a broadcast wearing nightgowns that calls for a comment believe me them ain't nightgowns oh them ain't uh well well it's not their main it's they aren't well get a load of my little boss he's gone crepe Suzette there you don't even know what a crepe Suzette is it's a Pasadena tortilla well well Phil for once you're right sure I'm right everybody ain't as stupid as you are stupid that's a fine thing to say about me Phil after all I've done for you what did you ever do for me what did I do for you Phil 11 years ago I happened to be in Memphis Tennessee and I dragged you out of a bar brought you out to Hollywood put shoes on you stood you in front of 18 musicians put a stick in your hand and because you already had the shakes you thought you were leading them and as a hint for you to wash your hair somebody put you on a shampoo program what did I ever do for you so what so what Phil when I picked you up you didn't even have a ham hock to your name that's a look Jackson this may surprise you but I had one of the greatest orchid in the country before I ever heard of you you had a great orchid I'll say I did I was the leader and I had a man at the piano with the name of a turban what my first fiddle with the guy for the name of hyphens Tosh Kanini made my arrangements to Kowsky played the clarinet and I had a dame singing the blues by the name of Lily Pong had some great musicians how come you got rid of them they couldn't play polkers I can just take the wrong people being in your bag. We had a great orchid you know we didn't do anything but touched off the piano who was that lady Esther Phil why don't you go down a Gromins Chinese and put your head in the cement and keep it there and now and now ladies and gentlemen oh Mr. Benny oh hello hello Dennis where have you been oh I was over the drug store having a drink I had a tomato ice cream soda a what tomato ice cream soda a tomato ice cream soda must taste awful what's in it two scoops of vanilla ice cream some chocolate syrup carbonated water and a cherry but what about the tomato she waited on me I see kid you're making up a little joke yeah I make up jokes all the time I know I come on Dennis let's have your sauce you're not the only comedian in the world you know Dennis I I never said I was Edgar Bergen Bob hope Jack Haley Eddie Cantor and Jean Herschel Dennis Jean Herschel isn't a comedian he's on the radio as Dr. Christian oh yeah Dr. Christian come down Dennis Christian I see you swinging from the highest I'm glad you stopped me I was getting CC come on come on Dennis let's have your song okay well Jack before Dennis's song how about the commercial oh yes yes I'm sorry Don the the commercial I have the quartet right here done done last week the quartet didn't show up and we got along very well without them and I think we can get along without them this week too oh now wait a minute Jack you pay the sportsman five hundred dollars a week don't you yes well Jack they took the whole five hundred dollars and spent it on this week's arrangement they they spent their whole salary gee fellas what do you live on from the looks on the one on the end that must be fat well well all right Don if they're that's sincere about it I'll listen to it this time but I'm warning you now Don I'm warning you this time it better be good I'll say it's good all right fellas the anvil course wait a minute boys boys boys fully fully what me and me I'm a what fully packed better go and buy one better go and buy one better go and buy one L.S.M.M.M. I don't want such a classy number that's the smoke for me lucky strike come on Don believe me Don tell him wait a minute boy wait a minute boy wait a minute boy Mr. Wilson Mount Wilson is this the arrangement they spent five hundred dollars for yes the anvil cost them three hundred well tell them to take their anvil and get out of here now come on fellas out out out see Dennis that was last week come on let's have your song okay otherwise you'll always be the one I love by ticker freeman and sung sung by Dennis Day it was really swell Dennis it couldn't have been sung better and now what's wrong with Dick Hames there's nothing wrong with Dick Hames I merely said that you sing beautifully I suppose Andy Russell is bad huh Dennis look Andy Russell is fine and so is Dick Hames they're both great singers and now in Crosby ought to punch you right in the nose Dennis be quiet sit down and now and now ladies and gentlemen for our oh don't have more interruptions Phil answer the phone for me will you please you answered Jackson it might be a collect call and I love to see your skin roll up don't be so smart Don Don when you answer the phone please I'm checking over the closing commercial Dennis will you answer the phone for Jack let Jean Herschel do it Dennis now stop being so oh never mind I'll answer it hello oh Mr. Bailey is Rochester Rochester what do you want that cleaners here are there any suits you'd like to have cleaned or pressed yes yes now let me see how about your blue double breasted one boss I'm wearing that give him my gray gabardine I'm wearing that well look Rochester haven't pressed my tan suit but boss you only wore that suit once that was last week when you were rehearsing with Miss Lauren McCall I know she steamed the crease out of it look Rochester haven't pressed that suit and tell him to let the pants out two inches better let out more than that boss no no rather pants aren't that tight they're not remember what happened last week when you've been over Rochester if UCLA could have broke through like you did they'd have won the game okay okay give my and give my full dress suit too your full dress suit yes I may as well have it cleaned and pressed for the Academy Award dinner boss for what you're gonna get you could go in the t-shirt look Rochester I'm not expecting an award this year after all I didn't make a picture maybe they'll give you an award for that oh stop and just give my suits to the cleaner goodbye goodbye oh say boss now what can I have Tuesday afternoon off I want to go to the races at Santa Anita but Rochester I thought on New Year's Day you made a resolution not to go to the races I didn't go on New Year's Day oh anyway the reason I want to go Tuesday is because I got tips on two wonderful horses Texas Sandman and Namby Pass oh are they are they good horses well Texas Sandman is by shifting sands out of Swamp Queen uh-huh and Namby Pass is by bypass out of Sweet Nancy well all right Rochester you can go but you can't use my car this time take a yellow cab oh yellow cab yes that's by rapid transit out of general motor goodbye goodbye can't understand Rochester he makes a New Year's resolution not to go to the races and then breaks it say Jackson I was at the races just in I bet on a horse called Fitz Shampoo Fitz Shampoo yeah the dandruff came off him so fast the other horses thought they were snowbound and froze to death oh Harris when you come home Alice must think she's in Wonderland love you look Wanda hey Mr. Benny what I once bet on a horse named Colgate Dennis let it go will you he came in first and I got my own show oh Dennis when you come home your mother must think she's in the nut house well at least that makes sense there now kids let's not hold up the show anymore because our sketch tonight is very come in hello Jack huh hello big boy you worry there all her baby is here why George Gracie what's this don't be bashful blue eyes if you want anything wishful what you know how to whistle don't you you just put your lips together and blow Gracie whack I'm sorry for this but Gracie heard how you didn't get to kiss Lauren Bacall last week and now she wants to be Lauren Bacall you keep out of this Humphrey now how about it kiddo you'll find me fascinating so let's fast but Gracie I wow that's the kind of a woman I could go for say you're kind of cute sunny but you're too young maybe but I'm plenty hip oh I suppose your father told you how the bees carry pollen from flower to flower on their feet yes he did well I'd advise you to forget that I tried and believe me it's nothing look Gracie I know you meant well in coming over but I'm trying to do a program that's right Gracie you're embarrassing Jack trying to kiss him let's go home with dry lips not on your life look Gracie if you really want to be kissed why don't you forget about Jackson and grab yourself a hunk of glamour like me take it easy Curly take it easy there's plenty to go around couldn't you say Gracie do you know what you're saying no but I love it now come on Jack now Gracie you're holding up my program anyway I can't kiss you right under George's nose you can but you won't like it that way oh Gracie stop all this nonsense so let's go home no George we can't go now Lauren Bacall disappointed him and I'm not going to let him be disappointed again but Gracie kiss me Gracie Gracie where you going my hair's standing on end yeah it slipped a little to the side too Gracie you're ruining my whole radio program radio program Rick what Jenny's on the air yeah if we hurry we can catch the tobacco auctioneer good night ladies and gentlemen because the majority of America's hospitals are understaffed once again an urgent appeal is being made for student nurses in order to meet this acute need all young women between the ages of 17 and 35 who are high school or college graduates are urged to apply to their nearest hospital or school of nursing and now Jack will be back in just a minute but first here is my good friend Mr. F. E. Boone F. F. F. F. F. S. A. N. N. N. N. N. American today, tomorrow always lucky strike means fine tobacco and in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts listen to the words of a tobacco expert a man whose business is tobacco Mr. Fred Leonard Evans of Danville, Virginia an independent tobacco buyer with 25 years experience years experience he said year after year I've seen the makers of lucky strike by fine quality leaf that fine ripe mellow tobacco you can't beat for top smoking quality I smoke luck is myself for 19 years quote year after year I've seen the makers of lucky strike by fine quality leaf unquote yes at auction after auction independent tobacco experts like mr. Evans can see the makers of lucky strike consistently selected by that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco real lucky strike tobacco remember lsmft lucky strike means fine tobacco and this fine lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw ladies and gentlemen I want to thank George and Gracie who appeared on our program tonight through the courtesy of Maxwell House coffee also want to thank Jean Herschold who was here in spirit and he's cheaper that way tonight