 Well hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic high value men find this beautiful in women. Now really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos and if anytime during this video the content resonates with you please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Lastly these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a private group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you ask I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to my VIP group. Alright let's talk about what my high value men find beautiful. I think the heart represents beauty in women. You know before I get started in the particulars here I want to share with you that I recognize that many of you are very very frustrated in the dating mating and relating realm. I hear it continually in fact this morning I was chatting with a Instagram friend of mine very sweet young lady and she was sharing with me some of her relationship frustrations and given that in particular that men can be actually rather unkind to women. I mean it's very sad to see this and I do believe that we have had such a huge shift in the last 20 years from in a more organic way of getting to know people and sadly in a more virtual way and the challenge with the virtual way of getting to know someone is that most of the time we are meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. We don't know their values. We don't know their family background. We don't have any connection to any part of their life and it makes it more difficult to actually build that deeper connection with another human being because you got to sift through the muck to find out is this person legitimate. Is this person legitimate. If you follow my channel you know I'm a very protective person. I always say I wish I could be there on your first date when a guy comes to your door with the shotgun pointing it at him saying what are your intentions with my little sister or my friend because on some level you have to at least my invitation for you is to become your own protector and not from a place of closing off your heart or protecting your heart it's about being more intentional in the process and understanding the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship because we've literally been indoctrinated here at least in particular in the United States that chemistry equals relationship success. I'm going to repeat that that chemistry equals relationship success and what we have learned at least in the coaching industry that that's the furthest thing from the truth chemistry is just one component and you have to recognize that within chemistry oftentimes it's lust or limerence and limerence is extreme infatuation it's not it's a chemical chemistry is a chemical thing it's chemicals released from your brain into your body that makes you feel good and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg I want to share this with you all and I'm going to show you this here you can see at the tip of the iceberg is chemistry and above the water line is attraction it's the first thing we see and yet below the water line is compatibility and where here we have to look at shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and sadly we are swimming here at least particularly in the United States with a very dysfunctional dysfunctional group of individuals this is true of men and women like in fact I believe that the vast majority of people have weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills and if you're not familiar with this chart that I created and by the way I want you to notice here in the asterisk this is not a fact this is an opinion but let me put this here it says emotional maturity and relationship skills I'm here to say that 20% of the population has clinical issues they're narcissists they're bipolar they're borderline personality and worse maybe even sociopathic so there's a big percentage of the population that has really messed up and then over here I say that the 20% of the population is healthy from an emotional relation emotional maturity and relationship skills and I'm being ridiculously generous when I say 20% it might be closer to 3% and then the vast majority of everybody else is in the dysfunctional phase so it's no wonder it's a mess out there trying to connect with another human being and everybody and I'm sorry ladies many of you have this fantasy that it should just be so magical it should so be easy all you have to do is sit back in your feminine energy and the guy is just going to claim you this whole energy thing is a crock if you don't understand human behavior it's a crock if you don't understand that the vast majority of people and this is true of men and you ladies as well have weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills this is why I'm such a big proponent that before you become intimate with a guy that you purchase two copies of this book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman these are eight separate conversations you have with someone to determine if you're truly compatible with one another because here's the thing most humans operate at a very surface level in the initial stage of dating in fact most humans operate based on looks based on status based on material things and they don't go beneath the surface to find out the deeper things that are more important this is why I'm going to share with you something really quickly I put together my notes here all right below the surface family values their bias their beliefs and assumptions their concept of justice their manners I know sometimes you're on first dates and you notice guys or women with poor manners and right off the bat you can tell something about a person who treats other people poorly are they competitive this person I was speaking to this morning is in New York and it is an incredibly materialistic competitive place to be dating and not competitive to be dating but people there are constantly in competition with one another and people are in competition with one another oftentimes make poor partners or poor individuals to be in relationship with one another because it's all about getting the next thing the next thing the next thing here's another important factor is their humor and this takes time to really determine someone's humor their work ethic that's another thing to be to be a pay attention to and you can't notice these things on a first second or third date it takes time to uncover the things below the surface their attitude on health and fitness that that's something you can find out pretty quickly and I think this is critically important people's attitude on health and fitness because the fact of the matter is do you want to have a short live relationship because someone dies early or do you want to have a long-lived lived relationship because people believe in value health their gender roles this is an important thing and there is a lot of confusion on the whole gender roles I'm more a big proponent of treating a relationship like a two lane street you're both mutually investing in one another you're both mutually investing in one another here's another issue body image issues oh my god humans many women have many many women have body image issues I mean for men it might be their heights or their hair for women it might be their figure that might be oh my gosh well nowadays with the Kardashians it's all about having a I like big butts and I cannot excuse my little joke there um and what's their level of empathy what's their level of vulnerability what's their level of authenticity and what's their level of transparency because an emotionally mature person operates differently a high value man operates differently than the vast majority of people out there because a high value man is emotionally mature he's emotionally mature his actions consistently match his words he has victor consciousness and not victim consciousness otherwise he takes personal responsibility for his choices he understands the value of fighting fair and what that means is you if there's conflict in a in a situation the other you listen to the other person's point of view and you accept the other person's point of view as being true for them and you do the same for them right and they have a level of empathy as I shared earlier and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy is I care about your feelings and more importantly I care about my own feelings many of you know I've written a book called what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway it's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work so you can actually start leaning into your feelings in a more empowered way by the way there's a link below to get a copy of my book and the fifth sign of emotional maturity is transparency you know I'm here to say we don't have time to screw around it is time to get radically honest very early on to get radically honest with one another and to ask the tougher questions but Jonathan all the other dating coaches tell me not to ask questions folks I'm here to say it is time to interrogate people because you don't have enough just like I have that shotgun out there it's time to really interrogate people and listen I say this a little tongue-in-cheek but I mean is ask deeper questions in fact my whole private coaching program is designed to lean into what are the deeper questions to ask someone right from the get-go so you don't waste your time with the wrong person if you'd like some support check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you okay what do men find beautiful in a woman or at least high-value men because here's the thing emotionally immature people they're attracted to the rules-based way of dating which is play hard to get be very difficult and that will temporarily hook the guy but then you're going to have to play that game the rest of your life and that is exhausting and it doesn't work high-value men what they find most beautiful in a woman these are the women that have looked at their entire life from the 40,000 foot level and say look I've had bad experiences but I'm not going to let it define me I've had situations that didn't go my way I'm not going to let that define me I've even been a cruel to other people I'm not going to let that define me what makes a person I think most beautiful is when they can lean into their sovereignty when they can lean into their self-love when they can lean into their true emotional self and say I'm going to be vulnerable I'm going to be authentic I'm going to be transparent because an open heart is more beautiful than a closed heart and sadly many of you have developed a closed heart I see this when I witness women literally watching these forums on narcissists when you're listening and watching videos on narcissists as an example over and over and over again it will harden your heart and I got to tell you something reading dating apps today is like looking at it's like looking at a war zone I don't want any cheaters I don't want any liars I don't want any of this I don't want any of that and I'm here to say that's not very attractive it's like I've gone on first dates with women and I can literally see every man that's ever hurt her standing right behind her on an energetic level and that's not going to attract love in your life because what would love do and how love responds first off starts off for compassion for oneself compassion for oneself and then compassion for others because here's the thing we can judge people as being bad or wrong but that's going to create a closed heart and I'm here to invite you to open your heart to a sense of forgiveness and forgiveness simply means forgiving love forgiving start by giving yourself love with an injection of love in fact my coffee mug today says do all things with love do all things with love and if you can't see my t-shirt says I've got your back and you can see this person's missing a back and this person has the back and I want you to operate from that premise of like look listen this isn't going to happen on a first second or third date and I know many of you do operate from the premise I've got your back I want to invite you to allow a man to have your back as well and one of the best ways to create that is with an open heart now that doesn't as my father used to say you can put your faith in God but don't forget to tie up your horse actually my father used to say because my heritage is Turkish you can put your faith in Allah don't forget to tie up your camel I'm not here to say be a doormat in any sense I'm here to offer you a different way of looking at this because here's the thing I can tell you all the things that are wrong out in the dating realm and it's good to know all of the pit holes the holes in the sidewalk it's good to know those and at the same time I want to invite you to shift the narrative from the past hurt and pains and ask yourself this what positive things did I learn about myself in each one of those relationships that probably didn't work out let me repeat that what positive things did I learn about myself I can tell you something I have a very anxious attachment style can some of you relate and I've been in relationship with people who are emotionally avoided and that push pull that push pull that push pull over a long enough period of time made me realize that no matter what happens I'm going to be okay repeat that I'm going to be okay I'm going to be okay in fact what does my my thing say here I'm enough you can't see it it's upside down right now I'm enough the second thing I invite you to do after you've said what positive things did I learn about myself I invite you to look at what was good about each relationship look for the good instead of focusing on what went wrong and then I want you to lean into something even more powerful because this is what would love do and this is how love would respond and that is what are you most grateful for from each relationship and again from a positive perspective not a judgmental perspective folks if you want to shift your narrative with men having an open heart I had a client who was in her mid 60s when she met the love of her life I mean the first love of her life she was in her mid 60s and one of the fundamentals she adopted before she met him was this idea it's raining great men it's raining great men it's raining great men and the other thing she started right from the beginning of the relationship was radical honesty vulnerability authenticity and transparency she was building intimacy right from the beginning of the relationship and if you're not familiar with two books I want to introduce this book is out of print right now but it's called oral sex but I want you to google this book or look it up on amazon because there's other recommended books reading talking and listening your way to passionate intimacy and another great book to piggyback on that by barbara de angeles is called how to make love all the time how to make love all the time folks high value men appreciate women who lead the emotional facet of the relationship I'm going to repeat that high value men emotionally mature men appreciate women who are the container of the emotional intimacy of the relationship and this is a great book to start from the very beginning we don't have time to mess around waiting the whole game of like oh let's just give them a chance and you know six weeks 12 weeks in we notice how messed up they are I'm here to say start from the very beginning with radical honesty with vulnerability authenticity and transparency because that's beautiful to a high value man we appreciate you well you being the container of the emotional intimate aspects of the relationship and it's going back to my book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness and chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart you really can't say the wrong thing to the right guy so are you with me are you going to be more open more vulnerable more authentic more transparent and I don't mean from a doormat way as you've been in the past I'm talking in a radically honest way by being intentional by being demonstrative by being a fusive right from the get go because you won't waste time with the wrong guy and let me just tell you this when you do meet that great high value man he's going to appreciate that you've set the stage you've set the the pathway for relationship success and that's my invitation for every one of you are you with me are you going to join me on this please give me an amen give me a thumbs up and please let me know all right we've covered a lot today I hope you found value in this by the way again check out all the links below by the way my instagram link is there as well if you want to connect with me is there check out my book check out my group membership midlife love mastery check out my uh a free discovery call with me as well all right I think this would be a good place to wrap up this video and if you know me you know I always do it the same way first off I'm going to give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all have more we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now