 So you want to be an official SCP, huh? Well, give us a little twirl. Show us what you look like. Good good. Do you have any special skills? Oh, no dance. Little getting down. All right. I dig it. Let's get it a sell. Yes, sir. Research into the symbiote is going swimmingly. We discovered it has an inversion to loud noises, but if we apply the right level of noise and with a dope enough beat, we can get a real groove going over here. Yes, I take my research very seriously. Why do you ask? This universe's idea to make the tree scream is to push it over on a simple minded idiotic. What? Hi, look, it may look like I was laughing at official wiki documentation, but that is not the case. I was in fact going over the roster of items contained at site 42 and laughed at something completely unrelated. I swear. Fine. I'll fill you in. Just don't tell the ethics committee. SCP 6967 is an anomalous superhero doll. The place we discovered it was covered in viscera and blood. It was just splattered everywhere. One of our agents reached out and touched it and they vanished, blinked out of existence. Ten minutes later, red mist. So what's the hypothesis here? Is it an invisible monster? Is it pulling people into a pocket dimension and spitting them back out? No, it's much, much stupider than that. You go read the article to get the full briefing. I'm gonna write a memo that the mobile task forces shouldn't be wearing fingerless gloves on a mission. Nothing gets an SCP researcher to cry one manly tear than the story of a bunch of small little human beings taking on a nigh unstoppable natural disaster level threat, like the 1998 Michael Bay classic Armageddon. And after reading this SCP, I feel like we've got one now. This is SCP 6240, who I'm going to name the star reader. The interstellar anomalies unit of the foundation is a small little underfunded three-man band until they discover SCP 6240 and realize it's coming for the sun, guys. Although that would stop Dave from breaking. Now we still gotta stop it. This story would make an excellent SCP movie. It's got a world-ending disaster, a ragtag team of heroes, bureaucracy getting in the way, ghosts, astral projection. Go give it a read. Hey, Sherman, guess what? I'm done stealing your shirts because, uh, you can see got some of my own. And no, you can't have it. Did you see my update about the SCP over in C-Wing? How did you miss it? Both the post and the anomaly are pinned. The Ethics Committee denied my request to create a pet or companion for SCP 999. So you know, if they come around asking questions, shush. Here on SCP Tiktok, there's a lot of jokes about harming SCP 999. I'm gonna put 999 in a blender. I'm gonna shove 999 in the microwave. I'm gonna blip 999 into the back rooms. But the thing you gotta remember is that 999 is gonna be fine. That little guy can separate and reconstitute at will. This experiment is basically between an immortal Jell-O child, possibly of the Scarlet King, and, well, you know, an idiot. What was that? You're kidding. It did it for him? Primary containment of SCP-3V-1L-J was established on October 14, 2014, after a 10-hour standoff at Site-155 over a non-existent, heavily armed Badger machine. Interrogation log between Dr. Henderson and SCP-3V-1L-J. Good evening. Is it really a good evening? Is any evening good when your life is as twisted as mine? When you look deep into the depths of your mind and find only screaming clowns stabbing each other in the hearts over and over again, forever, and you can only laugh in misery? Noted. Of course you'd say noted. I anticipated it. I can read you like a Walmart receipt, Dr. Jackson. That's Henderson. Of course it is. You don't think I knew that already? No, since you just called me Dr. Jackson. It was all a ruse. You're so naive, thinking I'd ever tell the truth to a moralizing freak like yourself. Where you see good and bad, I only see madness. Madness! I can see things you could never dream of, like the flash-eating reptile that's behind you right now. There is nothing behind me. Or is there? No, there really is nothing behind me. So quick to judge. You haven't even looked. Dr. Henderson looks behind himself. It was all a ruse. Again. You only pretend you can control my inhuman brilliance to make yourselves feel safer. I could destroy the entire foundation with one spoken word, mortal. And what word is that? Madness. You've already said that word a few times by now. Then you're even more doomed than you can imagine! I've been picking you weaklings apart piece by piece for all my life and my sheer genius has doomed you all. This interrogation is going nowhere. Aha! I knew you'd say that. Fool! I've laced the doorknob with psychomimetic uber toxin. You've sealed your fate. Then why am I not dead? Sounds like someone's in denial. Sounds like someone's going to get their head doused in battery acid if they don't learn how to shut their goddamn mouth for more than 10 seconds. I knew you'd say that, too. God, I'm so smart. That's it! Dr. Henderson attempts to strangle SCP-3V1-L-J. Oh, come on. What are you doing, Gage? I knew you'd joke me. I knew you'd do that. He deserves it. Good. No. I'm gonna- Dr. Henderson is promptly sedated by security officers. One, two, five. Who punt SCP-3V1-L-J in the groin a few times for good measure. I knew you'd kick me in the groin exactly five times. I'm so brilliant. Is the SCP folkloric? I'm no folklore expert, but I'll tell you what I know about SCP and let you make a determination. A brief history. When SCP first started 10, 15 years ago, they tried to have a unified canon. They wanted everyone's stories to have a consistent continuity. This, of course, got harder to keep up with as more and more people wrote more and more stories. At one point, a person who had written tons of stories for the wiki left the community and deleted all of their stories on the way out. This left a lot of authors who had built on that continuity left in the lurch. That's when the wiki adopted a method we call there is no canon. Now a story on the wiki only has to be consistent with itself. Authors could choose to work solo or with other authors to build canons on the wiki. Now we have the space canon, the end of the world canons, the end of death canon, the cowboy canon. Many of the stories on the wiki flagrantly contradict each other, but that's okay, the fans are welcome to pick and choose which stories they want in their personal head canons. I usually simplify it to say if it's on the wiki or one of its international branches, it's as canon as it can be. Also related to this subject, and I haven't mentioned this yet on TikTok, last year I was interviewed by a university researcher who's doing a study on collective storytelling in the internet age, and the SCP foundation is one of the main study subjects. So yeah, hope this helps you figure it out on your end and maybe we'll have more intel soon. A map to the inside of Dr. Sherman's trousers. Note to self, research into belts that lock. Why are the interns calling me daddy? Is this a prank? He's in a foundation facility, he is permanently broken. Oh, what have you done? Fix him, you left him with a child breaker. I can't believe you got us into trouble. Approaching the entity. At least it's cute. Oh, or not. SCP 1048-F is a grower, not a shower. Question for Dr. Sherman. Yes. What's it take for a guy to be comfortable? What happened? Oh, he's going to have a bad time. Writing your first SCP can be a daunting task, but learning the ropes can be a breeze with your very first SCP. Go on an article writing adventure with Skippy, the foundation sentient version of Clippy, who can help you with article formatting, choosing an object class, article formatting, proper containment procedures, and don't forget the article formatting. Your very first SCP, one of our many helpful guides and essays for your SCP learning experience. Stick with the fucking format. I found the most amazing sounding one. Ready for this? Kinetic lifts are a series of movements that can create anomalous effects when performed properly. Anyone can learn them, but get a move wrong and results can be unpredictable. Florida, no! Begin test. Still didn't scream. Dear Dr. Kondraki, next time you get stuck in an aquafina bottle, I've got just the tool. Send. Zoom in. Enhance. Zoom in. Enhance. Zoom in. Enhance. Enhance. Now rotate the camera. Got you, son of a bitch. You may find the following video disturbing. Disturbing? I work for the foundation. How bad could this be? Ah! The problem with SCP-3086, known as George Suchanchilla, is not that it's a living fictional character. We have plenty of those, like SCP-423, known as Fred. No, the trouble lies in George's contact-based viral multiplication. If you create a living iteration of George on one piece of paper, and then touch that paper to another sheet, now you have two iterations of George. Then a piece of paper touches a book, then that book gets turned into a library. Now we gotta turn the whole place upside down, trying to stop this jaunty pandemic. And don't even get me started on computers. You accidentally create a George in an image or a text file. Soon your entire computer is George. You got an internet connection. It's the world wide web of George. But of course, the foundation has still got this under control. We have AIs trolling the web, resetting to archive whenever a new George is created, especially on those furry websites. Do you know how many they make every month? A George even took over the Nintendo of America site one time. We had to convince everybody it was a Sonic Team prank. So yeah, this artist draws George last week, and it comes alive, and now it's infecting all his other videos, and the George starts coming in and it won't stop coming in and it won't stop coming in and it won't stop coming in and it won't stop coming in and it won't stop coming in and it won't stop coming in and it— Big Intest, please drop the glass into the center of the sink. I said the center. There it goes. Frickin' can't follow instructions. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.