 want you to practice disappointing people. I mean making decisions that are purposeful to your plans that empower you and yet don't please other people. It's a practice because it doesn't come naturally to kind-hearted people like you and me. You know I used to be very afraid of disapproval. Probably different reasons why I come from an Asian heritage and we are very tend to be collectivist conformist. I came to the country at a young age. We immigrated here. My family did at a young age so trying to fit into mainstream culture meant I was afraid of disapproval and just like you, I'm predisposed to being a kind person and so I don't want to disappoint other people. But what I've found to be extremely important if you want to be able to build a sustainable, a personally sustainable business with good boundaries, right, that financially is thriving is I had to practice the characteristic of making decisions that other people don't like. And whether it's clients don't like my decisions or you my audience don't like certain decisions I make, I've had to practice being a rebel, okay in other words, or saying things that might disappoint other people in my industry. But it is really important to practice these things because it is important to be kind yet firm. Okay so when we make decisions that disappoint other people we don't have to do it in a mean or harsh way. We can do it with kindness to say no but thank you, right. Thank you but no. Or I'm going to raise my rates now and I know it's not going to be as pleasant for some of you but I need to do this because it's part of my plans in order to reach the goals that I need to reach. I need to raise my right now. I'm not doing it right now but I'm just saying, you know, working with clients in the past where they've had to raise rates it's really hard for them. Oh what if people remember my old rates? Let them remember your old rates. So here's a really important practice, part of this practice is to be okay with how disappointed other people feel about your decision. It is such an empowering and important practice to sit with, ah these people are disappointed. Am I going to be okay? Well it doesn't feel okay right now because it's not natural. Even as human beings we evolved to be part of a tribe. We don't want to be ostracized by the tribe because being ostracized in the past of our humanity meant being put out into the woods where we would die instead of being in the village. So we evolved to want to conform. Okay but not that's no longer helpful in this day and age to conform, especially when you're trying to build an authentic business right? You can't be a conformist. You have to go your own way in terms of the things that you're passionate about, the topics that you love to talk about and the decisions you make for your business that keep great boundaries with clients, with audience members, with partners or whatever. Okay so it's practicing, oh I just disappointed people. Let me feel into that. Am I still okay? Am I going to be okay? Am I going to be okay? Yes I'm okay and then as you experience more experiences like that you grow stronger but you have to start somewhere and you have to disappoint people and just feel it and just feel like okay I'm not dead you know. Yes it feels badly right now but I know that if I just sit with the bad feelings you know and let that pass then I realize oh I'm okay. The storm came and gone and I'm still here and once you have one experience of a storm the next storm you're a bit more confident and the next one you're a bit more confident and then you can have really big storms come and come and go and you're perfectly fine. You can still make decisions in a grounded and empowered way and just let the storms pass. Don't care what not not that you don't care about other people but you care more about your purpose, you care more about your purpose than how other people feel because here's the thing you might say well George I did something to make other people feel badly. Is that true? Wow you're giving yourself a lot of power. Other people feel badly because of their entire life's experiences. You are just one what you did which is one you know half a percent point one percent of their entire life's experience probably smaller than that actually. They've had many many disappointing experiences that led up to this point of you disappointing them and you think oh my god it's my disappointing it's my job not to disappoint no no no in your job is to follow your purpose and to do it in the kind and loving way as possible. That's your job however people feel is however people feel you need to learn to be okay with that and by the way if you are kind in disappointing others you are giving them practice and being okay with reality because they usually have had when they encounter reality it's usually harsh when I see reality when they encounter something that disappoints them it's usually harsh or maybe people are mean or whatever but in this case you're kind and still disappointing them so they're like okay this is a more positive experience of disappointment that actually helps them. So in what ways can you practice disappointing others? You can practice making decisions that others don't like okay? You can practice not getting packed not getting back to people quickly. Some of you just feel pressured all the time to get back to your emails respond to emails quickly and fully. Okay that's another one when I respond to emails I often don't say hi John I just go right into the email I don't have a greeting now I usually end my email on kind of a whimsical note or try to end it on a kind of a kind sounding note but I don't have to say hi John or hi Jane or whatever I don't sometimes I do sometimes I don't I have to practice not doing it more often and my emails are often shorter than what someone sent me now if I'm answering their question it might be longer but you know as as the thread goes on my email gets shorter and shorter you know and I'm okay with that I don't have to please them in how I respond I practice disappointing my clients you might say oh George I don't want to be your client no it's you actually learn how to be kind and firm when you're working with me right so I practice disappointing my clients which some of you watching this I practice disappointing some of my audience members I practice disappointing some of my partners now here's the thing so practice not making decisions others don't like as long as it's in your purpose right and then you're being kind about it practice not getting back to people quickly over messages emails texts whatever and and practice not having the same length of emails that they write practice I have a whole list here that I might show you in the blog post practice not knowing whether people will like what you publish or what you launch oh will people buy this I don't know people will buy it at that rate practice not knowing and doing it anyway because it empowers you and just observing the results and go huh well that's interesting nobody bought well I'm okay with that storm goes and passes I'm stronger and being able to make experiments great I'm gonna make it and then practice making big changes and watching other people's reactions I don't care if people call me a flake it's there job to manage their own reactions and emotions and their own judgments they can judge me however practice being judged by other people hey this person just judged me I get to practice being okay with that because the more okay with that you are the more you're able to make unique decisions and create unique content that will rub some people the wrong way but really really help other people who are right for that content so instead of disappointing other people I want you to be more concerned with being connected to your purpose okay I want you to be more concerned with having a plan that you are excited to work on not having a plan that will make sure others feel good make sure you know your coach even me you know isn't disappointed by your decisions I'm proud of you if you make a decision that doesn't go with my wishes great well let's experiment with that and see how to see how it goes because I might be wrong right be more concerned with it whether your schedule is sustainable for you rather than whether you're pleasing someone and saying yes and getting back to people quickly hey it's my schedule sustainable if not I'm not if it's not sustainable I'm gonna make it sustainable and not get back to people for a couple of days every time that you know me it's okay practice right and and make sure your business model and pricing will sustain you not be concerned well what if people don't like my price what if what if I can't what if I can't help these people who are suffering and who need me okay if you are making your business model about making sure that all the needy get your help that's not a business model that's called a charity and that's fine to have a charity but even charities have boundaries you see what I mean but it is not a charity that you're forming this is a for-profit business be okay with saying that in the mirror I run a for-profit business in the capitalistic system be okay with that because I'm one of the kind ones in the system I'm one of the ones that are using providing services that actually help a lot of people not selling crap okay I'm one of the good ones in capitalism be okay with saying that in the mirror okay and and see how it feels and let it pass and go oh I'm okay with that I'm okay with being a good capitalist we have to be admitted we are in the capitalist system you can't go I hate capitalism oh by the way I run a for-profit business you can't have that contradiction you have to be a capitalist if you want to live in the society okay if you don't then go somewhere else you know go somewhere else where or go get a job you know don't be a capitalist don't run a business right so you got to have pricing that sustains you that you're really happy about that's that this that will fulfill your goals and needs it doesn't have to gouge people but it's a price that you're really happy with it's okay some people can't work with you it's okay because you can refer them to whatever price you set you need to have people that charge less than you and you need to have people charge more than you in your mind anyway so that when someone says oh I can't afford you oh that's okay actually what's even better than when they say I can't afford you you should say oh that's fine here's my online course that costs less than working with me one-to-one you should have different offers at different stage tiers your online courses are just it doesn't matter a thousand people buy it or 10 people buy whereas you're one-on-one clients you can only work with a certain number of people so you shouldn't work with people who can't afford you the people can't afford you should be buying your online courses or should be working with someone you recommend that charges less and you should be okay with that because you're only going to work with people who value your your work at a certain level and if they don't value your work that means you need to do more content right you need to do a better job of creating and distributing content so that's a whole other thing but um now let me just end this video by saying this it is good to stretch yourself to do to do things that are good customer service or are good you know um good networking so getting back to people quickly is actually a good thing for customer service and for networking but I don't want you to do that I don't want you to get back to people quickly because you feel bad about disappointing people because now you're making decisions that disempower you what I want you to do is to let the storms pass practice disappointing people don't get back to people for a while let the storms pass oh I'm afraid disappointing them oh I'm okay I'm fine I'm stronger and once you become so strong that you're like oh I don't mind just getting back to people after a couple days then you're ready to stretch yourself okay now you're ready to stretch yourself professionally and say okay let me try getting back to people a little more quickly not because I want to please them but because it's good customer service but because it's good networking that I get back to people a little bit more quickly but not because I'm going to disappoint them you're making a decision to stretch yourself because you are grounded and you are strong not because you don't want to disappoint other people you see the difference so this is why if I find myself starting to make a decision because oh I'm afraid essentially essentially it's about this living from fear versus love a lot of people I find think they're being loving but they're really just living a life of fear I'm you know they live a life fearing the judgments of other people that's not love that's just fear and living a life full of fear first you have to love yourself enough and love your purpose enough to say and love God or love your source enough to say I trust and love source enough where I don't need any others any others love I don't need anybody else's love except for the love I get from my eternal source God your higher self your soul your spirit okay I don't need anybody else's love but I mean I'm going to love my eternal source that's where I get my love and then once you are strong in that then you can make truly loving decisions of let me stretch myself a little bit out of love to serve that person well but not because I'm trying to not disappoint them so I hope this is helpful I hope this is interesting for you have a thought about what decisions you might be making that are making you weaker instead of making the stronger in love all right so I look forward to your comments I'm going to give you a minute to add your comment below and I'm going to take a look at whether I have any comments from the live attendees and whether I want to call out any of their comments let's take a look here all right all right thank you so much I appreciate appreciate your your support captain and Shreta Becky and Heather thanks for your comments and Sandy and Greg and Noel thank you so much appreciate it very much yeah let's see your yeah and Noel says I'm also working on this in my personal life right I'm I'm in charge of my adult son uh caring for that person and sometimes the decisions I make for him do not make the people in his care team happy yet I have to look at the big picture and do what's best for him it won't always make them happy yeah my gosh you know being a being a parent it's like you know you get to practice this every day right so thank you all right everyone go forth and practice making empowered decisions I wish you well