 All high quality men need these five things from a woman. And let me just say this as we get started. Everything I'm gonna share about what men need, let me just be clear, this is true for women as well, even though the title is geared for women regarding men. So what are these five needs men have that they need from a woman to have a successful relationship? I think the first thing we have to recognize is to be seen by a human being, to be seen. Now, what does that mean to be seen, to be recognized for who you are? That's looking beyond the surface of the facade many of us are wearing, the mask many of us are wearing to actually see inside someone's soul. Are they genuinely a good person? Do you recognize a good person when you're looking at them? Do you recognize them? Do you see them? But more importantly, do you accept them for who they are? Do you accept them for who we are? Men and women alike want to be seen and accepted for who they are. And that is a basic human need, whether you're a man or a woman. And today we're gonna talk about high quality men because I wanna differentiate high quality men from other men, which I'll explain in a moment. But I wanna share with you before we get into the next four, some of the problems we have with modern dating today. See, modern dating today is more like leasing a car. You get to test drive it. Well, let's use the analogy of a car, okay? There are some people that go test drive a car. They go walk into a dealership. They say, hey, I'd like to test drive this car. They test drive the car. Or what is it, 10, 15, 20 minutes? Maybe even less than that and then come back to dealership and say, I'm not interested. Well, that's kind of like our current dating. Sometimes we go out with someone one, two, or three, or four times, okay? And then you're like, no, I'm not interested. But you see what's interesting about test driving the car. It seems like some people test drive the car through like a obstacle course, through a mountainous terrain. This would be those dates that turn into physical sexuality. These are the people that are the serial daters that go from one person to the next. And it seems like we see a huge frequency in this. See, I'm using the car analogy, but let's talk about those people that lease a car, right? This is much like our casual relationships we're experiencing today. See, many people enter into a relationship thinking that it has potential, but it's strictly a casual relationship. It has occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex without any real deep commitment to it. That's why they lease the car. They're not making the full purchase. And we see so many people in casual relationships. And I think the reason why this happens is many people are just looking for a placeholder in their life, a placeholder. In other words, they want someone to fill the void within themselves. There's a void within themselves and they find themselves a placeholder relationship instead of what I call an all-in relationship. An all-in relationship says, damn the torpedoes, I want this to work out through thick and thin. It's kind of like the wedding vows that were originally designed, richer or poorer, sickness and health, all that sort of thing. That's that all in. And what we see today is a lot of placeholder relationships which is much like leasing a car, okay? Now, many of you might think in midlife it's not buying a brand new car, you're buying a used automobile. Some people call them vintage automobiles. And we see a lot of what feels like that for those of us in midlife. And many of us are still dating with eyes of as we were in our 20 year old eyes, with 20 year old desires and passion instead of really evaluating where you're at in your life today. We see this happen frequently, okay? Now, what's unique right now is the golden bachelor. If anyone is anyone watching the golden bachelor, raise your hand. This draws attention to those people in their over the 60 category but I think this draws attention to the over 50 category as well. And that is folks that are looking for love in maybe the third or fourth chapter of their life if we are a five chapter book, if you will, okay? And I'm really grateful for this show because it demonstrates what I believe is a high quality man. I'm hoping Gary Turner is truly a high quality man. And let's identify what a high quality man looks like for this scenario. And then we'll get into those other four basic needs, okay? But a high quality man, one of the things I believe it represents is a person's whose actions consistently match their words. Their actions consistently match their words. You know, we're gonna make mistakes at times. We're gonna say I'm gonna call and we don't call or something's gonna happen. That's just natural for that to happen. But for the most part it's consistent but what's also important that they use their words. See, if you're not familiar with the book The Five Love Language by Gary Chapman, here's the book. I highly recommend checking it out. By the way, all the books I recommend are in the link in the description below under Jonathan recommend books. But under the five love languages are words of affirmation. Or if you're a Leo like me, it might be words of adoration. It's a physical touch, quality time, access service and gifts. Well, why I'm relating to this is a high quality man action matching words is words of affirmation you know, what's missing a lot of people are access service people, men can be access service, but they don't have the words to express themselves. And I'm here to say, it can feel for a woman rather unfulfilled if a man doesn't express himself verbally to his partner. See, we all need verbal affirmation to go with the actions that match the words. So I think a high quality man actions matching words but also is verbally expressive when it comes to those words in relationship. Another factor of a high quality man is he has victor consciousness instead of victim consciousness. See here in the United States we are suffering from victim consciousness. We are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. And I'm just saying here in the United States because that's the people I know can't speak for other parts of the world but victor consciousness means you take personal responsibility for your choices. That's what a high quality man does they don't blame someone else they're not pointing their finger at someone else because there's always three fingers pointing back and a high quality man recognizes that they have a part high quality woman does the same thing as well. Remember I said this is interchangeable. High quality person knows how to fight fair and what that means is when there's a disagreement with someone they listen to the other person. They acknowledge the other person they validate the other person as if that's their truth they acknowledge that that's their truth and even if they disagree they acknowledge and validate the other person's point they know how to fight fair. Conflict resolution skills is a critical factor for relationship success. If you not read the book this is by Calvin Roberts Robertson at marriage ain't for punks a no nonsense guide to long building a lasting relationship. What I like about this book is he's on the show married at first sight and he talks about conflict resolution is one of the critical factors for relationship success and a high quality man is an emotional grown up. He has relationship skills if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart I'll quickly go through this this is not a fact it's merely an opinion I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues when it comes to emotional maturity and relationship skills and while I say 20% of the population is healthy I'm being rather generous. Most everybody is dysfunctional in their relationship skills and a high quality person knows how to fight fair it's not about being right it's about finding peace when there's friction in a relationship. Another thing a high quality person does is they have empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy is also I acknowledge your feelings I validate your feelings I acknowledge my own feelings I validate my own feelings but more important I recognize the importance to build trust meaning your feelings matter to me your feelings matter to me what is trust trust isn't just about fidelity trust is your feelings matter to me what's in your best interest is in my best interest and that's what a high quality person does and lastly they are transparent if it's material to the relationship they're going to bring it up they're not keeping secrets from you if it's material to the relationship so when I say all high quality men these five things I just wanna say it's men and women alike that I invite everybody to operate this way because the second thing as far as in human need is the need to be heard. Remember we talked about a moment ago about when fighting it's important when there's a disagreement every relationship every couple is gonna have disagreement and it's important to acknowledge your partner the person in your life acknowledge them validate their feelings doesn't mean you have to agree with it but you must be willing to acknowledge that that is their truth to be heard by someone and let me tell you this this is probably the number one issue most couples are faced with they're budding heads with each other because they're not hearing each other and I'm here to encourage that you know one of the fundamentals of high quality person is here check out this is my book called what the heck a self love anyway a journey of personal development self health and spiritual work they love themselves they genuinely they now this doesn't mean that you love yourself 100% but you're loving on yourself you value your heart and you recognize that it's important to be loving on yourself to have the capacity to love others and when you can love on yourself you can hear others we can hear to be heard okay the third need is to be respected you know Dr. Pat Allen says men need to be respect men feel cherished when they're respected and women feel respected when they're cherished well I'm here to say I believe we should respect men and women alike okay and we should feel cherished as equally but here I'm going to dive into respect because we're talking about men right now you know sadly I see so many women in relationships with men that they don't respect their attitudes towards these men is of such contempt such criticism such disdain you know if you can't respect the person you're with then don't be with that person you have to find what you respect about this person because without respect your relationship is going to wither away and I see this happening so often this isn't about you women being controlling and defensive and stonewalling you're in your masculine energy that's not what that is that's just bad behavior see if you have to control someone if you have to be if you have to be defensive if you have to fight being right then you're not really respecting your partner true partnership is working as a team together because the fourth need is to feel safe and it takes men longer to feel safe emotionally with a woman than usually the other way around believe it or not women tend to need physical safety from a man but a man needs emotional safety he needs to know that you've got his back he's capable of expressing himself and it's not going to be used against him and by the way everything I'm sharing here this goes both ways this isn't singular to men this is women as well you need all these things this is a reciprocal conversation between men and women to feel safe and lastly and this is the sad thing we're faced with I think this is this really feels like a US type of issue but we're in such a divisive country right now and a separation of people is happening at an alarming rate that feeling like you belong somewhere after the pandemic people felt so isolated so alone and there's this desperate need to belong and this is why people join political groups and they join certain groups these niche groups so they can feel like they can belong with someone people that believe in conspiracies although I'm not so certain there aren't some conspiracies out there but these feeling of wanting to feel like you belong and in relationship it's the reason why we partner with someone because it's fair to have at least one person in your life that you feel like a teammate with that you can go through this life holding hands together and what we truly hope is to experience some level of love what is love? I love you I'm here you matter we are important I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you what does I'm here mean? That means I'm present I'm not somewhere else emotionally, mentally, physically when I'm standing in front of you I am present and I can tell you something I've watched couples together that are not present to one another you matter coming back to what I talked about empathy and trust your feelings matter to me your best interests are my best interests that's what you matter means and we are important that means we're collectively a team we're in it together we are important our relationship is a separate entity I've got your back that means when you're down I'm gonna pick you up if you need me I'm gonna be there for you I'm not going anywhere that means I'm fully committed to this relationship and I only want you that means I only want to ravage your body I don't need to be on Instagram or Facebook or some social media to feel the need to get validation from someone else I only want it from you and you see we are dealing with a emotional health crisis here in the United States and that's one of the biggest problems we're dating today because the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable and so what happens is many of you are going into the dating marketplace rather clueless on how to be discerning and if you need some support with that by the way there's a link right there to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you it's in the link below my whole area of expertise is to teach you how to be discerning because when we're talking earlier about car shopping it's not just the car itself but it's the model car you're shopping and are you going to a used car lot? You know, hoping that it's a new car lot this is where having a coach like myself can help support you is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, those five things men need from a woman I'm just gonna repeat them really quickly to be seen and this is, let me rephrase this five things men and women need from each other to be seen, to be heard, to be respected to feel safe and to belong that's what every human needs is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know if it is please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts I do my best to read them all and if you did like this video please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. All right, those who know my format this is the time for Q and A if you have a question write the word question in the chat box and then post your question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat there's a little dollar sign in the chat box all the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him right there with his brother and I that's Colin, his brother he's my son who passed away five years ago and in his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and Seeds of Love and so, and if you're watching the replay hit that super thanks as well let's try to get $50 let's try to get $50 tonight, okay? All right, if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after all right, let's see what we've got in the Q and A board Jennifer says, what if you feel lovable, dateable and good enough and still single not everyone is insecure especially in midlife I am too old to feel insecure what if? Well, let's take out the word still single, okay? What if I'm just I'm lovable I'm dateable I'm good enough, okay? Stuart Smalley, what was that line from Saturday Night Live, Stuart Smalley gosh darn it, I love myself what was that? But simply say what, you know I am lovable, dateable and good enough you don't even need to add the still single in the category, okay? And be proud of yourself for not feeling insecure by the way, I've yet to meet a human being that doesn't have some insecurities I am riddled with a zillion insecurities, okay? I am a human being I don't know if it's flawed but I have foibles I am not perfect so I've yet to meet the person who doesn't have some insecurities but maybe you're the exception, not the rule. All right, let's keep going Miss Flowers is in the house how long should you wait for a long distance relationship to move? Hmm, that's a great question you know, I'm I think let's talk about long distance dating the question is how often do you see each other to build trust with someone? Are you seeing each other regularly? I would say if you're going to move I think you have to have a real strong commitment I would say maybe even, you know either moving in together like what I experienced recently or maybe a engagement ring some proof that there is a full commitment here from the other person what that proof is for you, I don't know but I'm here to say that I wouldn't wanna, you know do a move without some significant agreements with each other and significant proof that this is actually something that has potential and just remember two people can move in together like what I experienced and it still doesn't work out that's just the nature of life, okay? But I'm not here to listen I've always been against long distance dating for most people because they just it's usually turns into bubble relationships where it's occasion, you know you get together for occasional sex occasionally hanging out and it's a nice filler relationship like what we talked about earlier I'm only, I endorse people that are fully serious about taking the long distance to short distance in a very short period of time I would say within six months that would be my suggestion All right, oh here's one of my Facebook members I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and God and doggone it people like me I believe it was Stuart Smiley quote from Saturday Night Live that is exactly it, thank you so much All right, let's keep going here deaf says a silly question what change to your skincare has resulted the better coloring on videos? I think there's an app that makes this look a little bit smoother so I'm gonna own that it's called a touch-up app All right, do you ever not date just because you don't feel like it? Yeah, if you're talking about me personally absolutely, you know I'm here, let me just say this I am open to a relationship with someone and I'm open to dating someone I don't wanna do cold call dating anymore the dating apps the dating apps is what I call cold call dating it's like going to a telephone book and dialing for dollars this is what we used to call it in sales pick a name, you call them you pick a name, you call them you pick, I don't feel like doing that anymore I only wanna work with what I call warm leads in other words, there's already some level of familiarity built with someone and we've talked about what we both seek in relationship that's a person whom I most likely going to consider to explore a relationship with through the process of dating so, but I'm here to say I'm strictly open for a relationship and I'm open to date someone who's also open to a relationship and we have some mutual connection with each other see cold call dating doesn't interest me anymore swipe date, dating complete strangers doesn't interest me anymore I'd much rather connect with someone where we have some level of familiarity with each other maybe it's a mutual connection through a mutual friend maybe it's we belong to the same club or group or organization that sort of thing that's my intent going forward and I'll let everyone know how it works out as the days progress so thank you for that question BX says when you're in your fifties how can you tell if a guy is not married or with anyone? I chatted a few times with a guy but I work remotely so I haven't seen him I would ask for his full name I would ask for his full name, his location and tell him you're going to do a Google search on him I would do a FaceTime also so I would do a Zoom or FaceCall so you know exactly who you're dealing with folks I highly recommend do not invest more than a few hours with anybody communicating immediately go to a FaceTime so you know that they're legit ask for their full name and say that you're going to Google them if they resist this is your you have a very easy four letter word N E X T next, next, next, next, next, next, next do not invest in anyone who is not willing to give you their full name and willing to do a FaceTime very shortly after you've connected folks we don't have time to fuck around okay the days in front of us if you're 50 years old the days in front of you are shorter and the days behind you most likely although people are living to be a hundred but I would highly suggest that as your course of action okay all right let's keep going and by the way if you have any personal questions for me ask that as well oh and if anyone wants to join the hot seat and speak to me directly you can click on the link that I just posted if you want to join the hot seat Melanie is in the house do you put both names on the lease you know I think if two people move in together in a separate location they can do that it depends on who's you know I would have a conversation if it doesn't work out who wants to keep the place have that conversation and then choose the person who wants to keep the place and have it in their name but you can put a lease in both people's name as well it makes it more complicated if it doesn't work out okay and you hopefully you've done this with a person you feel a strong level of trust you know this is you know it's fascinating we'll have physical intimacy with someone we barely know but financially we have to jump through major hoops you know shouldn't we jump through major hoops before we're physically intimate with someone shouldn't that be the case at least it's a conversation anyway so that's my thoughts on that Melanie all right Susan says online for women seems terrible yes it's true for men and women like by the way folks I mean you can't be you women have this belief that they are superior to men and men have the belief they're superior to women you guys are all fucked up okay human beings men and women alike I don't care if you have a penis or a vagina or whatever it is humans are a wreck we're dysfunctional it's equal it is not singular to one gender um that is what I the magic entertainer says that is what I do I work in sales I only call warm leads exactly folks our problem with dating in the last 10 years due to these devices is that we are cold calling just like a telemarketer calls you they're just dialing for dollars that this is what dating is it's dialing for dollars and yes there is the exception where people do meet I know I have a friend that you know met on tinder they got married and have a child together I know another couple that met on bumble they got married and had a child together I know couples from e harmony that met and they had children together okay but I'm here to say it's the exception it's not the rule and by the way 50 percent of all new relation dating dates will happen through an online connection but only about 10 percent of those people will actually at best manifest into some sort of relationship that means less than five percent of people are going to turn is that right the math right 10 percent yeah um yeah it's less than five percent of people who are single will find anyone by the way the odds are fucking against you by the way when you work with me what is that line from uh hunger games may the odds forever be in your favor the reason why I get calls each week from clients Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy and they know the difference is because discernment is the critical tool for relationship success and most of you are terrible at it because we we've adopted this belief most everybody has adopted this is called my relationship iceberg we've adopted that attraction or chemistry equals relationship success most of you do not pay attention to shared values blendable lifestyle and the most important thing is emotional maturity and as I said earlier 80 percent of people are dysfunctional or clinical so if you want to put the odds in your favor work with someone like me ah calm Jonathan calm all right let's keep going here Jennifer says I'm not sleeping with just anyone unless I'm grilling them I've been celibate for too long this is why God invented vibrators all right um hey you know folks I'm going to do a short live tonight we just talked about all high quality men need these five things from a woman I'm just going to repeat that for everyone as we wrap up for tonight it is to be seen to be heard to be respected to be safe and to belong that's what men and women alike are really thirsty for and sadly we are living in an environment where a lot of people are self-centric they're myopic they're only in it for their own needs this is true for men and this is true for women as well and I'm here to invite a different conversation my hope is my channel invites you to look at things differently I offer books to read I make suggestions in your life I'm not here to suggest that my you know my commentary is the truth it's just a conversation inviting you to look at your own truth and I invite you all to start with the beginning to love yourself as your truth is this sinking in is this resonating please let me know if it is please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts all right I'm gonna wrap uh before I wrap up this video we please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos all right I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow there's a teddy bear give either them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Mercy and Sherry and Magic Entertainer and McCoy and Susan and Sherry and Jubilee and did I say Jennifer and Megan and Miss Santa and Nina and uh Jennifer Watkins and McCoy and Melanie and was Leafs in the house earlier everyone big hugs much appreciation for joining me tonight all right have a great evening be well bye now