 21 convention fans. This is James Marshall reporting live from the road. I'm on the road with the infamous Euro tour and Today I've got a really important and actually quite serious video for you guys This is based on an email that I got from a guy who was really desperate in his life and actually considering suicide And so I decided I wanted to address this taboo and really heavy topic because it's something that is very relevant to many young men through especially when they're going through hard times with women or Identity crisis or masculinity crisis feeling alone feeling disconnected And I thought this one would be really useful for a lot of the guys out there So take note, especially if you're feeling low if you're having a hard time. Hopefully this will help For all the guys out there that are obsessing about one girl whether it's leading you to suicidal thoughts Or it's just making you fucking depressed and not wanting to go out and meet other girls This is a really important habit to kick. This is a really important addiction to crack There are many women out there who could be the one for you the one for you right now the one for this stage of your life I need to talk to you guys about something really important and very serious Much more serious than our usual flipping topics about sex and relationships and so on Today I want to talk about suicide particularly in relation to young men in relation to women So I received a heartfelt and you know kind of disturbing email yesterday from a guy who was lives in Mexico and is very cut up about a particular woman and is thinking of killing himself so primarily this video is for him and It's also for any man out there who has considered taking his life at some point Which the reality is that suicide for men is something that is actually quite common and Something that is not really spoken about and that men often do not have great support networks for being able to express these feelings and that's why I get these kinds of messages because a lot of guys out there don't have or don't feel like they have access to support through friends and family and community and a Big problem is that men are taught that they have to be tough constantly and that's the first thing that I want to address here is That so much of immature masculine culture is around proving yourself competition being tough and being strong and There's a lot of misunderstanding of what it means to actually be strong. There's a big difference between having toughness and actual internal strength and Many men feel like they cannot show any sign of weakness any sign of emotional upset any sign that they're not handling things that they can't cope and therefore they bottle these feelings up and in the worst case they go and top themselves kill themselves and Often it just expresses itself in addictive behaviors in drugs and alcohol and violence towards themselves other men women or They turn it inwards into deep depressions and this is something that yeah Is is common particularly for young men because as you're growing up as a guy in your teenage years coming into your 20s You don't yet have a sense of identity. You haven't achieved your life's work You are not the man that you are growing into yet And it is a time when so many men are lost and I certainly can empathize with this feeling when I look back on my Teen years on my early 20s I did have periods of feeling suicidal of feeling completely lost of feeling like there was no point of feeling that if I couldn't be with This one girl then then life wasn't worth living all these kinds of really heavy dark thought Processes and patterns that can lead you around around in circles until the only thing that appears to be of any That appears to be a solution to this is to end at all So I want to just extend some support to to men out there who are feeling these feelings of despair of being alone of not being good enough of that No matter what they do that feels like their situation is not going to change and they're going to stay in this forever The best advice I can give to someone who is feeling suicidal is firstly talk to somebody about it And unfortunately, I can't be that person for everybody So please don't send me thousands of emails because I just can't answer all those questions or all those situations I'll do what I can but that's the answer is not sent it to me The answer is reach out to people that are around you and speak about this stuff and speak about it candidly Of course, you don't want to go and tell every single person that this is how you're feeling because many people won't be able to handle it Or they don't care Or they'll make fun of you But you need to find someone that's trustworthy whether that's a professional through some kind of counseling Through a psychologist a counselor or some kind of healer or whether it's just through community of people that actually are going to listen to you And you'll be very surprised that if You really really fucking need help most people are going to to especially people that are close to you Especially people that are in your orbit are going to want to give you some kind of assistance And if they're not okay, that is their prerogative. They don't have to know one I guess except your family is really Obligated to help you and and you also have to accept this just like you have to accept rejection from women as part of the seduction Process you also need to be able to accept rejection if you ask for help and someone doesn't want to give it to you Okay, does that make them a bad person? Maybe if so too bad They're just bad people or they couldn't give a shit or they've got too much of their own stuff going on But seek out help multiple times and somebody will listen The second piece of advice I can give you if you're feeling like killing yourself is this wait one more day and Then wait one more day and then one more day don't Look at it in terms of this long-term thing of like I'm feeling Absolutely awful, and I can't see a dramatic seismic shift happening in my life I can't see that this will change on a huge level that my life will be Completely different than how it is now and that is a really overwhelming thing to think like okay I feel shit now. I want to kill myself and In six months time, what's how what what difference is it going to be? don't think on those big levels because it's too overwhelming think day by day think survival and Bring it back to what are the things they're going to help you to survive today, and these are really simple things It's about bringing small pieces of joy back into your life the simplest things like going for a walk Getting sunshine doing exercise meeting somebody that is good to be around that is positive. That's funny. That's friendly Eating good food going and being in nature being around animals like all of these things that Generally make listening to music that's uplifting of course finding inspirational External forces through mentors or through people that you admire Reading a good book that's positive right so it is very easy when you're in a very negative state to then feed that with more negativity and To a certain extent deep depressions are an addiction in themselves They can be something that people really on some level want to stay in and I know that as somebody who has experienced severe depression in my life That part of me wants to be in that to stay in it because it gives me a sense of significance because even though everything's awful I Am such a complicated and dark and deep person that only I can really understand this pain Right that's that's that's a kind of narrative that is quite common With people who feel like they are the outsider who feel like they don't fit in who feel like The world is not the place for them You can create this narrative and you can justify it and back it up And then you can listen to lots of negative music and numb yourself with drugs and alcohol which make it worse and read negative books and stay in your bedroom with the with the Blinds pulled I did all that. I remember doing that in my teenage years I would lock myself in my room with no natural light listen to Jim Morrison and the doors smoke weed and Read the kowski like I like all of those things in separation. I think they're all they're actually all interesting things It's interesting and legitimate to look at the darker sides of life because they are part of life But when you're in a deep depression burying Nick Cave and whiskey and no sunlight and bad nutrition and all those things on top of it Yeah, that's the stuff that's recipe for suicide Okay, so if you're feeling that situation my best advice is get out in the sun and do one good thing for yourself today Yeah, so that you can even if for those 10 minutes you felt better than when you felt absolutely awful because it's those That's it's that accumulation of gradual positivity. That's of positive elements in your life that is going to tick over and I know what it's like being in a depression where It it really feels like there's no way out that you could it really feels like there could never be any other Sensational feeling than this, but that is not true. That is your subjective Perspective when you're inside your own solipsistic negative space Just looking for evidence to prove that to itself and and then it does right and you do feel awful And it is visceral. It is physical. It is tied in with your emotions. Everything feels it I understand that it it's as real as any other human experience can be but objectively It can change your psychology your chemistry your situation All those things can and will change inevitably as all things do and if you just start to tilt that spiral slightly upwards Instead of it turning down just even slightly upwards and then stay with that day by day Then gradually yes You will come out of a depression and you won't feel like fucking killing yourself and then several years later You'll look back and go wow. There was that time. I can remember almost like a dream of When I really wanted to end it and now I'm loving life Please don't rob yourself of that opportunity, especially a guy who's a team especially a guy who's in his young You know in his youth. Yeah, you don't know who you are yet. You haven't achieved who are yet You don't have self-confidence yet. You don't have the girls yet. You don't have the cash yet. You don't have the whatever yet That's okay That's what you're supposed to be doing when you're 19 years old when you're 23 years old is just figuring yourself out and There is so much pressure on men to succeed and achieve and be a Instantly be a 32 year old man with a suit and a Rolex and a hot blonde next to him that and if you're not that thing Then you're worthless There are forces out there that are telling you that mostly in order to sell you things and to keep you in a certain box and to keep you following rules and You know fitting into the society status quo some of its consciously and insidiously constructed by corporations and marketing and politics and a lot of it is just the accumulation of a whole lot of socialized memes and cultural processes that insidiously shift you into these roles and You need to be able to start to unplug from those in terms of what makes yourself worth it shouldn't be about the Rolex It shouldn't be about The overachieving because then you're always competing against somebody else and therefore you're always feeling inferior to somebody else I gave up trying to compete against the world a long time ago And it was a it was a massive force early in my life Trying to become a famous musician That was my thing at the time and I was competing against all the other bands in town and bands on the on the national scene and the international scene and trying and trying to match them and Because I wasn't succeeding in that I wasn't getting famous in the way. I wanted to I felt worthless I was disconnected from the joy of making music and actually expressing myself and when I gave up trying to be famous For music now. I'm weirdly famous for this That's when the joy came back into experiencing the music so I want to address now specifically this young man who wrote to me and his story I think is Something that a lot of men will relate to and it's looking at the effect that one girl is having on you This guy has become obsessed with a single female She's rejected him and therefore he wants to kill himself right and so for some people that will seem absurd it will seem like An extreme over dramatization of a situation for other guys You'll resonate with this because you'll be like yeah, there was or there is that one girl that if I can't have her Then what's the point and then there'll be people who are in between this And I'm choosing this extreme situation because I want to address this young man Specifically because I don't want him to kill himself. I want him to live a long and interesting and powerful life and I also want to just extend some hope to the other guys out there and I want to warn you about the dangers of scarcity mindsets scarcity situations and Becoming obsessed with a single female who is not interested in you So reading from the email from this young guy I'm an 18 year old Mexican guy And I'm actually thinking of killing myself because I got rejected by a girl that I really like You probably have listened to many guys talk about the one But I really think that she is the one because what I feel for her It's something that I can't find on anything in life. Not even my passions get me that feeling Maybe it's because I don't have real passions or I haven't found joy in doing anything at all yet Excuse me if my English is bad. It's fine, buddy I just want to talk with you about my situation and see if I still have a chance with this girl Or if I can do something different to change. I promise that I'll do anything I'm almost sure that if I'm that I'm going to kill myself if I can't make this chance But first I want to know if this is something I can do Okay, so this is heavy stuff and as I've said before man like I empathize with you and I understand that in this situation it feels like If you don't have this girl in your life that there's no point The first thing I need to say is I need to be brutally honest with you And I did write an email to you or explain this and to any other guy out there who was obsessed with a girl Who was already rejected him and this guy went on to explain that he met the girl. He actually approached her He got a number they will get they were chatting for some time There was something happening and then for whatever reason at some point She lost lost interest and she told him that she wasn't interested in dating him and that's kind of where the situation ended This is a situation that if you're going out to meet women is going to happen There are going to especially when you're young and you're inexperienced and you're learning this skill There are going to be many times when you'll meet a girl and you'll go fuck this girl is awesome She's the one or she is awesome. She's the she's the kind of girl. I want to make my girlfriend I feel like I could fall in love with her. In fact, I am falling in love with her All of these kind of gushing feelings can happen when you're coming from a position of scarcity where you don't have much feminine Energy in your life. You don't have much connection with a female You don't have sex and intimacy and love and cuddles and all that great stuff that comes with having an awesome woman And so you meet a woman who is nice to you or has some Vivaciousness or flair or something about her that really turns you on or really gets you excited And then you attach all of these feelings to her you attach all of this expectation to her Men and women both do this to each other very commonly women are often doing this attaching a whole lot of emotions to a guy That is unavailable or is not the right guy for them it's common to both genders and It almost universally never works right so if someone has rejected you if a girl has decided and it's not a rejection of you as a human being It doesn't mean you're a shit human being It just means that sexual attraction between people has a whole lot of factors involved Yeah, some of it just comes down to chemistry and looks and the scent a lot of it comes down to certain behavioral triggers a lot of it comes down to the level of experience that you have with dealing with women in general if you're not that Adept at holding a girl's hand making eye contact with her having conversations in a relaxed and charming manner Leading her all of these touching her escalating Flirting all of these elements that make a good seducer then you can expect that there will be many false starts There will be times when a girl something's happening you approach her She feels your energy because you were direct and clear you get going. She's interested. She's even considering. Yeah, maybe I'd fuck this guy and then something happens timings a little bit off You say the wrong thing you fumble Whatever and suddenly the attractions gone. She's just not interested anymore and she's not going to be interested again These are the brutal facts of life my friend when you're going out to meet women This will happen multiple times many times as you as you go through this process and then sometimes It'll work and you'll be find yourself in bed with a girl And then she may vanish all together again that will happen to you as well or you may vanish and she'll be left wondering What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? Am I fat? Am I ugly and all of these other insecurities that females have? You have to accept that this process is To on some degree impersonal it is just human beings bumping into each other sparks fly or not Yes, we can affect that with our skill with with our mindsets with all of these things that we learn Of course we can but there's a whole lot of Things that are outside the scope of our control and there are certain things that are going to happen when we don't have enough experience In order for me now to have got the one right now I'm with the one that I've chosen the exact woman that I want to be with now. I have had to go through a lot of rejection I've also had to go through a lot of half starts I've gone through a lot of actually we got into bed and I was really into the girl and then she vanished I've got I've gotten through Gone through with a lot of now We've started a sexual relationship and things are going quite well And then another guy comes on the scene or her ex-boyfriend reappears and takes her off my hands all of those things have happened and will probably happen again, but my level of skill and understanding and Seeing the bigger picture of this is not a personal affront to me as as a human being It's just part of the statistics. It's just part of the game of life It's just part of the fact that people are attracted to multiple different people for different reasons at different times And you may line up with that sometimes and other times you're not going to line up with it and being able to understand that The reason you think that she's the one as in your soulmate is in the only person that was made for you by God who the universe that this perfect female was constructed just for you and that you've lost her and Therefore your life as meaning is complete falsehood and fallacy and lies There is no the one there is no one person that was created for you And that you have one chance with and if you miss it then your life's fucked There are multiple people that you will meet throughout your life if you go out and meet them The reason you feel like this my friend is because you don't have any other women in your life and you said it yourself You don't yet have passions. You're not you're not clear about yourself and that's okay, too. You're 18 years old Now's the time to explore It's to go out and find out what is your passion by experimenting with lots of different things Try a lot of different things in life different attitudes mindsets behaviors hobbies Skills friendship groups women try a lot of different things and then you'll start to see what is your passion what kind of women do you really want and If you go and meet a lot of different women, don't try and replace this girl That's that's another common thing that reinforces the concept of the one is a guy meets a girl that he's really really into it doesn't work out and Then he tries to go on a date with a girl and he goes on a date with this girl He's like, oh fuck this girl isn't compared to that girl She's not nearly as hard or as funny or as interesting or she doesn't get me in the same way that girl did This is useless. She was the one don't try and replace a very very important powerful special person in your life Instantly with another one That's a common mistake. Don't do that. I say this to guys who are coming out of breakups or marriages Go out and meet some fun positive girls that you find attractive have sex and enjoyment with them For that for that reason only just to experience that not to try and replace a really intense relationship with another intense relationship because then you'll be trying to compare them and then Inevitably the new girl won't match up with the old girl that you had a massive amount of emotional and time investment into Of course, she won't because you haven't built up that Pair bonding and so then you'll you'll dump you'll dump the idea and then you'll try and constantly get back together with your ex And that's why the industry forget your ex back comms is Huge because so many men are trying to get back with broken relationships, which they should absolutely not get back together with The answer is my friend You need to go out and meet some new girls not to replace her But just to experience more connection with women and do that over and over again until you meet a girl Where it locks in and you have some fun and you have some emotional connection with go and have sex with her date Or a bit or make you a girlfriend or don't experience that and then do that as many times as as you need to and Sooner or later, you'll look back on this time and go. Yeah, that girl was cool She was she was what she was but she wasn't the one she was the girl that at that time I was super obsessed with because I didn't really have any other options because I didn't really know any better And now she's just a girl that was yeah, she was hot or she was interesting or maybe you look back and go Yeah, she wasn't that special. I was projecting a whole lot of expectation on a very normal or average Human being because I was looking for a female to save me. I was looking to have my significance Dictated by my connection to a girl and she was the one that gave me some interest right so For all the guys out there that are obsessing about one girl whether it's leading you to suicidal thoughts Or it's just making you fucking depressed and not wanting to go out and meet other girls This is a really important habit to kick. This is a really important addiction to crack There are many women out there who could be the one for you the one for you right now the one for this stage of your life I've had About six really important relationships in my life and each one of them were pivotal to me as an 18-year-old guy as a 22-year-old guy as a 27-year-old guy as a 32-year-old guy Right going through these different stages of my life There were a certain women that came along that I fell in love with or I had a very deep connection with and they were Pivotal for me at that point in my life and now It would be ridiculous for me to be with any of the other ones except for the one that I'm with now Because I'm not that man anymore because I have evolved and changed and those girls are still awesome I'm still friends with some of them and there's you know They are we're incredible human beings and still are but not for me right now as a lover or as a Partner that's someone else's time for them to experience Their own special time with whoever they are with now This fallacy this lie this myth of the one is fed to both men and women from from many sources And it is one of the most insidious Dangerous beliefs that you can have around relationships. I've talked about this before and it's kind of one of these themes I returned to but it is important that men get this women too That's If you believe in the one it means that you're taking the agency and the power away from you going and finding Types of women that you want to be with and evolving to become better More open-hearted more expansive more powerful more strong and not tough but truly flexibly spontaneously joyfully strong So that you can match with girls that are resonating at a higher frequency that are more beautiful more interesting more powerful themselves Because those kinds of women the real the real coveted women that everybody wants Only go with the men that match them. What why would they go with anyone else? Unless he's Ridiculously rich in which case she'll use him for money and then go and cheat on him with the guy that really matches her So if you want to get the 10 you have to be the 10 it's the it's a Part of this process and you're not going to be a 10 ever really you're not finished You never finish evolving or growing and if you feel like you have well Then you're robbing yourself of the ability to learn and change and grow further But you need to be always pushing your edge expanding your comfort zones Becoming more of the person that you are going to be and one of the symptoms of that is that you will start to meet women That resonate on that level Yeah, and so for you Alex out there at this point in your life You feel like you don't have much to offer women you feel like you missed a Really important chance you didn't you just had a taste of what's to come and yes heartbreak is a motherfucking bitch It really hurts when somebody that you care about and that you really want Rejects you or leaves you or abandons you I know that what that feeling is like I deal with men constantly who are coming out of the heart-wrenching situations and I'm not downplaying the pain that you're feeling. I'm not trying to Suggest that it's not real for you, but I'm trying to give you some perspective from the long term You're so young. You've only just fucking started man. Give yourself more time to experience who you're gonna be Allow yourself. Okay. Yes, you're experiencing heartbreak right now and this is part of the game. This is part of the cycle This is something that most people don't talk about from when they're talking about seduction They don't talk about the fact that if you get in this you're gonna get attached to girls And at some point you are gonna have your heart fucking shattered by one of them or multiple ones of them And you're probably probably gonna do that to other people as well And then you're gonna have to deal with the fact that you've shattered somebody else's heart this is part of the process and it's likely that it happens multiple times in your life and Too fucking bad. It is part of it. What are your choices? We draw from the world try to army yourself and never feel again kill yourself or Deal with it and the deal with it isn't just tough it up It's it may mean being going through a very sensitive healing process going and seek going and crying your eyes out going and finding somebody Who will listen to you? You know going to various types of healers. There's all sorts of things that I would totally back and Suggest that you do not just tough it up. Don't be a pussy be a man and Fucking move on to the next girl bang bang a hundred chicks and then see how you feel about it That's that kind of advice is really infantile It's it's not mature masculinity, and it doesn't really work. It might may work in the short term Be tough get drunk fuck a bunch of drunk chicks. Yeah, okay That may distract you for some time and you may need to do that I've certainly gone through periods of that where it's like fuck that bitch I'm just gonna go out there and slay pussy and smoke weed and fucking get in a fight Be rude to someone who's serving me a coffee and feel tough and cool Yeah, okay, you do that for a bit and then you realize that okay That's not serving you it's just turning you into a douchebag turning you into a cold-hearted person and So then you have to face the cold and also beautiful reality that you're gonna have to go back and be vulnerable again All right, so for you right now take time heal Day by day one day after one day and you've asked me this in two emails Can you get this girl back? No, you can't you cannot get this girl back Even if you can don't even think even if there is a possibility in the universe That's not what you should be pursuing You had it you had a chance you had to try with this girl. It didn't work out That's the nature of things with women and women You need to be able to move on and the moving on doesn't happen instantly But it happens by going and saying hello to another girl going and spending time with good friends Spending time in the sunshine doing exercise simple things day by day that will start to increase your positive positivity your enjoyment in life and sooner or later and whether it takes a month or it takes six months It shouldn't really take much more than that if you're obsessing about a girl for years after she's rejected you And you've told me that this is already three months in then it's because you're feeding it And you're not replacing her with something else You're not allowing a space for her to go out of your mental space and for a new girl or new girls or new experiences to come in And if you hold yourself in that space for long long periods of time, yeah, okay You will feel like killing yourself. You will feel awful Roll around in it for a while. Okay indulge in it for a while, but you've done that three months is enough, man Time to go out and meet some new people and start a new life so I hope that was useful and Hopefully life-saving for some people out there Stay strong, but don't be tough. This is James Marshall natural lifestyles