 Samb... ...S, drunk. There aren't too many other video game franchises that have experienced as many highs and lows as Double Dragon has. When the first game was first released to arcades in 1987 by Technos, it was a massive success, as was the NES port that came a year later, mostly because, well, there just weren't many other games like it at the time. The series continued on, and some games were good, and some games were bad, and some games were Double Dragon V, the Shadow Falls. Yup, that's right, what was once a franchise that pioneered beat-em-up and multiplayer gaming, carrying the torch through the 8-bit era, was now relegated to a crappy Street Fighter clone, or more accurately, a World Heroes clone. I need to point out however that Technos had nothing to do with this game, it's actually based on the Double Dragon animated series and developed by Leland Interactive Media, the same dev team that brought you classic titles like Jack Nicklaus Golf and Pro Quarterback, the latter being one of the absolute worst games I've ever played in my life. Hey, by comparison, Double Dragon 5 isn't so bad, well yes it is, it's just bad in a different way. Sure, Bimmy and Jimmy, I mean Billy and Jimmy are here, but after that, there's no other Double Dragon characters you'd recognize, because it's a bunch of villains of the week from the animated series, which only span 26 episodes between 1993 and 94. There are a few characters created exclusively for the game, but they just kinda blend in with this game's miasma of mediocrity. One issue the game has right away, as you can plainly see, is the sprite animation, while the sprites themselves look okay, some quote unquote animations are like two or three frames. Granted, this game cuts a pretty nice pace, and I'll take that over slow sluggish crap like Rise of the Robots, but the animations here make this game feel so flimsy, like it's a half fast flash game some college student made in a weekend back in 2004. The sound design here is also completely generic, which doesn't help, and even the announcer sounds bored with everything. As for the combat itself, the biggest problem here is that if you make any contact with your opponent, they get bumped backward a bit, so in essence there is absolutely no potential for any combos or building any momentum or strategy or anything. Even if you get an opponent pinned to the side of the screen, you're the one that gets moved back a bit, it's really frustrating. There are some special moves here, like fireballs and electrocutions and all that jazz, and they use the same old street fighter style commands, but the game ultimately boils down to beat-em-up style button mashing. Hey, maybe they wanted to be true to the double dragon NES port and how that game handled its mode B for one-on-one fighting, because I think I'd rather play that than this. There's also a point allocating system here, allowing you to adjust your strengths and weaknesses as a fighter, so you can remove and put extra points into damage, defense, or special moves. It's a nice idea on paper, it's just implemented here in a very half fast way, there's only nine total points to mess around with, and adjusting just one point here or there hardly makes any difference. I guess if you wanted to just up your damage and defense and go without special moves, there's one way to approach the fighting here, since the computer stops you in your tracks before you can complete a special move anyway. Interestingly, Double Dragon 5 does have its own fatality system, so to speak, in the form of what are referred to as over kills. They're character-specific animations that depend on who you're facing, so if you're trying to look up the move on game facts, you'll have to look up your opponent's move, not your own. For instance, Ice Pick's overkill animation is triggered by just a regular old, crouching, medium-strength punch, and he shatters to pieces. I guess these are kind of fun in a goofy way, especially since in the next screen, they're merely bruised up a bit. Like, hey come on, guy, you disintegrated like two seconds ago, I should be trash talking to a pile of ice right now. As for game modes, there is an arcade mode and a story mode, which of course features the dragons fighting the Shadow Warriors, this time to prevent them from unleashing some kind of deadly disease. If you pick to fight story mode as a villain, your quest changes to become Shadow Master's second in command. Wow, a contest to become someone's bitch, that sure sounds awesome. Honestly, the best thing Double Dragon 5 has going for it is the instruction manual, believe it or not. Because it's one of those manuals that's not just dry text, it's a 33-page comic featuring Billy and Jimmy awkwardly explaining the game to each other. Careful now, don't slip on the stairs, Jimmy. As goofy as this is, I find it oddly endearing. I really wish more games took this kind of approach. You got it, bro, now let's push start to get out of the options menu. Come on, how do you not love that? Anyway, yeah, other than that fantastic manual, Double Dragon 5, The Shadow Falls, is a total dud. It doesn't execute even the basic fighting stuff all that well, and there just isn't enough substance here to dig into. It's certainly not as bad as something like Pitfighter, but it's definitely on the lower tier of fighting games. The same can be said about the Sega Genesis Edition. And yes, that version does have blood, although it looks more like you're cutting fire-hot Cheetos out of your opponent, but other than that, it's pretty much the same game. I cannot, however, speak for the Jaguar version. If you want to seek that one out, you're on your own. If you want a real Double Dragon fighting game developed by Technos, you'll have to turn to the Neo Geo. Now that game kicks ass. Anyway, I think this is the first time I've ever recommended just the manual over the game. Does that even make sense? Well, I guess that's just one of the many things I'd recommend over Double Dragon 5, The Shadow Falls. It is a total stay away. And I want to thank you for watching, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.