 SCP-7394-J is a small tree frog, species unknown, with the ability to causing massive internal bleeding and psychological trauma in subjects caught within a 2km radius of SCP-7394-J. Approximately 259 deaths have been traced back to SCP-7394-J. This effect is overshadowed, however, by SCP-7394-J's hilarious ability to fart whenever it opts. Researchers have concluded that this f***ing beast just won't stop letting them rip. An SCP-7394-J has been a major hit at almost every party. It is pretty much the funniest thing you'll ever see. Just trust researchers on this. On f***ing, a ceasefire is called its site f***ing during an attack by chaos insurgents in order to allow the insurgents to hear SCP-7394-J. Insurgents later admitted, quote, that was all we really came to do. It lived up to all of our expectations. Right it did. Fighting resumed, resulting in f***ing estimated casualties. Today's briefing contains extremely objectionable content. I mean, seriously f***ing so. If you're not up for that, what are you doing working for the foundation? This is your job. Suck it up. SCP-5972-J is a standard vacuum cleaner produced by the Kirby Company. SCP-5972-J appears to be a sentient predator. Male's viewing SCP-5972-J will feel a sudden compulsion to stick their genitalia into the vacuum tube. SCP-5972-J will then activate its maximum power in... yeah. SCP-5972-J has a secondary mimetic effect. Male's reading about its effects will feel extremely uncomfortable. This is followed by a contraction of the thigh muscles until the legs fully cover the genitalia and a series of sharp inhalations. Yeah, that's accurate. Um, this is a completely blank document. What's going on here? What am I looking at, guys? Oh, okay. There's an email chain. Maybe we'll get some answers. From Nicholas May Logistic Division. To Director Marion Wheeler. Antimimetics Division. Subject. Urgent. SCP blank-J. Good morning, Director Wheeler. As you can see in the file linked to my email, an SCP slot seems to have acquired antimimetic properties. I am asking for your assistance on the matter. Such anomalies seem to be common in your field, thus I do not think it would be a hard challenge for you and your researchers. I eagerly await your response. Best regards, Nicholas May. Next email. From Director Marion Wheeler. Antimimetics Division. To Nicholas May Logistic Division. Subject. Regarding Urgent. SCP blank-J. Mr. Nicholas May. Maybe before you cry antimemes, you should actually check if you pressed save. Idiot. Hi there. I'm former Site Director and current Volleyball Coach 057. Now, you may know me for my but today I'm here to tell you all about the amazing new world of liquid product SCP-025-J trademark. Using the latest and greatest technology, we've condensed every peanut butter flavored cosmic horror into convenient bottled size. It's thrilling, educational, and the taste is to die for. Kids love it and parents are there too. Crack open a can and there's instant K-class chaos. Now it's a tiny containment unit and look, flying through the air, it's cracked into your best pal skull. Wowee. SCP-025-J trademark, a $69 value, can be yours for only two easy payments of $29.99. Shipping and handling at your discretion. Assembly may be hazardous to your health. Consult your ethics committee before buying. Amnestics not included. Available while reality lasts. The SCP foundation is responsible but not liable for any injuries that occur during the use of SCP-025-J trademark. SCP-528-J is a contagious meme that is comprised of several closely related sets of units that, theoretically, are capable of being used to express length, area, capacity, and mass. However, experimentation has shown it to be highly impractical for these purposes. While the basic units of measurements for length and mass are not inherently irrational, conversions between different units of the same quantity is unnecessarily difficult due to the apparently random conversion factors involved. As of yet, SCP-528-J has resisted all attempts at eradication. This is believed to be an inherent anomalous property compounded by the extent to which it has spread prior to classification. SCP-528-J had displayed several additional behaviors that the foundation has deemed to be of concern, most notably, actually being used by hundreds of millions of people. This is believed to be an effect inherent in the culture of SCP-528-J's primary containment area. Personnel are encouraged to adjust their opinions of said cultures accordingly. SCP-022-J is the pure solid form of chemical element commonly known as titanium. SCP-022-J is an info hazard. SCP-022-J-1 initially manifests when an individual with no prior knowledge is exposed to incomplete or erroneous information about SCP-022-J's physical properties, and its recommended usage. Individuals under the effects of SCP-022-J-1 will gradually begin to assert the superiority of SCP-022-J as a structural material, and recommend or attempt to enforce its use as such whenever possible, even in cases where this has a significant negative effect on functionality. In the cases where this behavior induces a performance failure or deficiency, an affected individual will refuse to acknowledge that they f***ed up seriously. Well, the f*** makes a titanium anchor. Individuals already affected by SCP-022-J-1 can't f***ing get it in their goddamn heads with a hammer. I hear about titanium being the strongest metal, I will punch them in the dick with a fist made of goddamn- SCP-5417-J is small white squares of deadly, also called the knackle. Sometime fall from sky. When it touches us, burn awful. Make us dead. Please keep deadly in container of crystal and shiny. Please keep on big guy's food, not fall on tiny doctors. On many day ago, Dr. Tropod have SCP-5417-J fall on him. He died bad pain. Horrible. I cry for him. Request tiny pocket for tax. Ink bad mix with goo. Thank. Signed Dr. I stocks. A request granted, I guess. Researcher Yuki made them for you. Signed Dr. Corden. Thank big guys, you best. We decide you security clear upgrade now Helix level. Access grant to visit tiny doctor houses if big guys can learn be tiny too. Signed Dr. Cargo. Oh it was snails! SCP-001-J is an omniscient, omnipotent, omnitemporal entity named Michael Cain, who is the primary deity worshipped by a group of religious zealots calling themselves the Church of the Broke God. SCP-001-J wields great and terrible cosmic power while possessing a distinct and crippling lack of adequate financial planning skills. SCP-001-J requires a significant influx of cash money in order to pay, in his own words, the water bill, child support payments, bread and some of those little hot dogs because protein is a must if you're just barely making ends meet. However, any amount of money given to SCP-001-J by any individual and for any reason will somehow mysteriously disappear despite SCP-001-J's insistence that it was not spent on booze, cigarettes and porno mags. SCP-6492568 is an entity which superficially resembles the species Unectis Nataeus. Despite this resemblance SCP-6492568 retains the personality and speech patterns of a human male. SCP-6492568 has shown a capacity to reshape any geological features it sees or has her described. These reshaping events exclusively affect any features the entity deems as quote, too flat. This has in the past included planes, marshes and the ocean floor. During reshaping events, these locations will experience several seconds of tremors followed by the growth of an extrusion generally at the geographic center of the area seen or described. These extrusions will rise above the surrounding land and have uniformly possessed steep sides with flat tops. The following interview between Dr. Sumerian and SCP-6492568 took place very shortly after containment. Hello, in your own words, please describe yourself. Well, I like big buttes and I cannot lie. SCP-063-J is a surface made of polyvinyl chloride resin with topological genus zero. When filled, SCP-063-J most closely resembles a sphere. Attempts to characterize the shape of SCP-063-J while empty beyond trivial topological classification are ongoing but have been described as frustrating and pointless. The anomalous properties of SCP-063-J manifest in two distinct effects. The first is that any individual that is made aware of SCP-063-J undergoes a compulsion to bring it to the immediate vicinity of the nearest large body of water that the individual deems clean. This effect appears to be seasonal. The second is that SCP-063-J cannot be classified as Euclid. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.