 doing all the work, planning all the dates, what you're gonna do, sucking up all of his time with your own plans and becoming basically the lifestyle planner of his life, right? Or the event planner of his life where you're doing everything and the reason that you're doing everything, it could be a couple of different things. It could be that, and it doesn't matter. One of the things that, the point of a lot of this is that it doesn't matter whether you are doing this because you're coming from a place of neediness and feeling like you're not deserving or whether you're doing it because you watched your mom do it with you and the other kids and your mom was a single mom and so she was doing this all the time and you started doing it or whether you're doing it because that's one of the ways that you show love or whatever, right? When you do this, it makes him, it makes him kind of lean back and it makes him feel like he's not invested in the relationship at all and you're doing all this work and you're getting exhausted doing all this stuff and it kind of makes him feel like he doesn't even like know what's going on anymore. It's like you're doing all the work and he's like just hanging out like, I don't even know what's going on here. Am I in a relationship? She's doing everything and I'm not involved at all and the best thing to do in a situation like that if you're in kind of a situation like that is to just relax and pull back and we keep talking about pulling back, lean back a little bit and chill out because it'll show you a lot about what's going on with him and if you've been doing this for a really, really long time, it might be a little bit confusing for him but you want him to be investing in the relationship as well and so if you're doing everything, right, what's gonna end up happening is he's gonna feel like he's not even really a part of it and he can kind of leave whenever he wants to and there's no kind of real investment in being in the relationship which is it's actually kind of a psychological principle that we have where if you feel like if you're not doing anything and you're not a part of something it's easy for you to walk away from it but the more active and involved you are in something the more you're gonna feel like you're like really invested in this thing, right, which is why the whole idea of leaning back and letting a guy pursue and letting the guy invest is so important because the more he invested he is the more he's gonna feel like he doesn't wanna let you go and the more he's gonna feel like he really values you, right and so you don't want to, you don't wanna be the person that's doing everything because you're gonna feel like you really value him and you're really invested in it and he's gonna feel like he doesn't really value you all that much and he's not that invested in it and it really seems kind of counterintuitive because it's like, oh, I'm doing all this, right, he must appreciate it. Well, he's not going to appreciate it for a multitude of different reasons and one of them has to do with the whole scarcity thing that I've talked about in some of the other videos.