 The craft foods company presents the great gilder sleeve It's the great gilder sleeve starring Harold Perry brought to you by the craft foods company Makers of a complete line of famous quality food products We get a lot of requests to repeat shows from time to time We try to comply tonight at the request of the boys clubs of America We are repeating one which seems to have found favor with many of our listeners There's trouble afoot in Summerfield, potential trouble anyway Two small boys are wandering down Lakeside Avenue with nothing to do The one kicking the tin can is gilder sleeve nephew Leroy The other is little Craig Bullard The arrest this afternoon, they've already been thrown out of the 5 and 10 where they were doing a little window shopping and testing and Peabee's pharmacy where they rearranged the magazine rack Now it looks as if they'd reached a dead end but suddenly Leroy's eye lights up Hey look, a new house Wiping them now Where do we come down? Police station Man says they stole some lumber What? You want to talk to the man? No, no, just tell him I'll be right down Arrested Oh, darn those Properly ashamed of yourself Leroy and I'm sorry to see you mixed up in this Craig I didn't do anything Leroy did You did too No, no, let's have the facts Are they gonna put us in jail or what? No, no, nothing like that I wanna go home As soon as I talked to the... Who was it that called me? That fellow behind the desk? Yes But I have to know exactly what happened first That means the truth, Leroy Okay We were just playing around the house All we did was pick up a couple of old boards we thought nobody had won You mean new boards? I want the truth, Leroy This is it We didn't think anybody would mind just a couple of boards so we would take them home and a cop saw us and brought us here I wanna go home Just a minute Craig Is that all? Absolutely all Sure, that's all we took, wasn't it Craig? I didn't take any What about the nails? Nails? Craig's got a whole pocket full of them Well, walk easy so you won't jingle Now come with me, both of you Are you in charge here, Sergeant? Yes, sir Are you this boys' guardian? Yes, the one that needs a haircut Yeah It just so happened, Sergeant that the chief of police is a close personal friend of mine So if you don't mind, I'll just take this thing up with him You mean you want to see the chief? I do Now? That is correct And if you're interested in keeping your job... I'm interested I'm not worried about it The chiefs out of town drove over to Salinas this afternoon for a visit with his mother Oh, he did Every time there's anything popping in this town the chief was on place else Well, now look here, Sergeant Have a cigar I don't use tobacco, thanks Oh, admirable, admirable Yes Well, now tell me, Sergeant Just as man to man Don't you think it's ridiculous arresting these boys just for picking up a couple sticks of wood? The report says they were walking off with three planks of number two Douglas Furre What's the difference to a boy that just pieces of wood? That's all I thought they were I'm just a couple of... I'm handling this, Leroy You're in a very serious predicament Let me do the talking I suppose this is only petty larceny, isn't it, Sergeant? You mean only petty larceny? In this state, you can get a year in jail for petty larceny Oh, petty larceny? He's not talking about you, Leroy I want to go home Great, for goodness sake I told him not to take it You be quiet or I'll tell him about the nails Sergeant, I'm sure the chief will straighten this out when he gets back Well, that may be All I know is these boys are booked I'll have to appear in court on Monday morning Oh, Monday? No, no, I'm sure Oh, no Now come on There's nothing I can do but let the law take its course Call yourself a lawyer I'm not only a lawyer, but a judge My oath pledges me to uphold the law Whereas you're trying to get me to circumvent it Oh, you make me tired Confund Leroy, I don't know what to do with him Got half a mind to send him to military school What the dickens for? Because he's getting out of hand Because he won't pay any attention to anything I say This is the way juvenile delinquency starts for us Oh, nonsense Sending him to military school would be simply crawling out of your own responsibility It would not Military school would be the making of that boy Teach him to sit up straight, toe the mark Well, he's your nephew, but I'm against it What would you do? Have you tried reason, Throckmorton? Reason with Leroy? Don't make me laugh I mean adult reason I've watched you try to reason with Leroy And you treat him like a child Leroy happens to be a child, judge And a pretty childish one at that Makes no difference Treat him as an adult and he'll respond in an adult way You really think so? Well, as a lawyer you're a total loss Why I should take your advice on child psychology, goodness only knows Well, there's one thing about it, Gildy It's free I'll take it Leroy, sit down here a minute What for? I want to talk to you As man to man Yeah Sit down Not way over there, come closer Closer? Yes, bring the chair over here As man to man Leroy You realize you've been a bad boy today Yeah, I guess so I want you to think about it a little I want you to think about what kind of man you'll turn out to be I want you to... Leroy, what are you counting if I may ask? The squares and the carpet Well, stop it Stop looking at that carpet Look me in the eye Okay Leroy, I'm going to treat you like a grown-up You've committed a serious offense And I want to ask you a serious question What? What do you think your punishment should be? Me? Yes, you I'm putting the decision up to you You've committed a crime, my boy You've broken the state law You've broken one of the ten commandments Number eight, I believe What kind of punishment do you think would be fair and just? No dessert for a week I give up I'll tell you what I'm going to do with you, young man I'm going to send you to military school Yes, sir, military school You wear a uniform all day And you keep it neat and clean And you'll learn to salute and march and say, sir Now, what do you think of that? I think I'll like it Then you can't go Why, you get upstairs and go to bed No supper Well, no dessert Why, George, we're going to have some discipline around here Here's good news for you food shoppers Who have had to take substitutes for your favorite brand of cheese Kraft American is back That is good news Just the other day, my husband said he's been hankering For some real Kraft American He likes its mellow cheddar flavor Good news for me too I love to cook with cheese But when I do, I want Kraft American It always toasts and melts to perfection Well, ladies, now you can get all the genuine Kraft American pasteurized Processed cheese you want My family is so fond of Kraft American Say, do they have it in the two pound loaf? They certainly do have the two pound loaf Now that enough cheddars have had the time To age properly, Kraft American Is available in that size And the handy half pound packages Or if you prefer You can get cuts or slices From the big five pound loaf It's all the same high quality Just be sure the label or wrapper Is plainly marked Kraft American Now back to the great Gilder Sleeve Who was once again where he so often finds himself At his wit's end Baffled and discouraged by the problem Of how to bring up a young nephew He has decided to shove it aside for the moment And seek diversion among his friends At the Jolly Boys Club And so he sets out a heavy hearted Jolly Boy In the glumly in search of an evening of fun Well, hello, Mr. Gilder Sleeve Greetings, Peavey You going to the Jolly Boys? Well, yes, I saw that one for a little while Well... I'll walk down with you Oh, that's really nice of you I'm glad to have your company You don't mind if I close up shop here first It won't take but a minute Sit down Go ahead Peavey, don't ever have any children I beg your pardon I say whatever you do Don't have any children I wasn't thinking of having any Well, don't They'll drive you crazy I say they'll drive you crazy Peavey, I'm trying to talk to you about children Go ahead I'm listening No, you're not, you're counting I'm just trying to close up here 55 16, that's $1.15 I never get rich that way Now, what was it about children, Mr. Gilder Sleeve? Oh, let it go You seem to be a little out of sorts this evening somehow Well, who wouldn't be? Leroy's gone and got himself in jail Leroy? Well, not in jail, exactly He got himself arrested Well, not arrested, exactly Well, that's the reason and bail him out You had to Well, not bail him out They released him in my custody You sure it was Leroy? What? Only joking That's nothing to joke about You don't know what worry is, Peavey You've never had any children Well, no, I wouldn't say that I mean, I wouldn't say I never worry After all, I'm a married man Wife's a-bretting, of course You don't have to worry about your wife going out and swiping lumber That's what Leroy's been up to I'm afraid so Well, I always say boys will be boys I know you do, and I wish you'd think up Something different to say Oh, come on, Peavey, let's get out of here Now, let's hear that fruity baritone of yours Yeah, come on, Gilder Some other time, fellas, I'm not in the mood right now Some other, Commissioner You don't seem like your old foolish self tonight The new police gonna be here, Floyd Been trying to get a hold of them all day Chief's out of town visiting his mother At least that's his story Nothing Gilder's sleeve's nephew has had a little run-in with the police Leroy? Well, he's been helping himself to wood from a new house If you must know Baloney, a couple of little boards Who hasn't swiped a couple of little boards When he was a kid? Well, bet every one of us sitting here in this room Has lugged off more numbers than Leroy ever saw Including Peavey Well, I can't think of it Why, sure A new house goes up Kids just naturally gotta play on it You know that yourself, Commissioner Well, I guess it is pretty tempting But playing is one thing, Floyd Stealing is something else Stealing Well, who's stealing? So a couple of boards are laying around The kid sees other people building things And he wants to build something Monkey see, monkey do, that's all Floyd is right It's just as he says The creative, impulsing youth needs an outlet That's all Did I say that? If the community provided proper facilities For play, these little peccadillos Wouldn't occur That's right, I'm for kids You know, Horace, you've got me thinking Maybe I was wrong for once That, I would say, is a major achievement After all, Leroy only wanted the board So he could build himself a clubhouse Leroy is a good kid, I'm for Leroy After all, a clubhouse Has there ever been a kid who didn't want a clubhouse? Yeah, sure Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Pinrod, all of them The first thing they want is a clubhouse A place they can call their own I'm for kids Kids are better than people Yeah, well They are only real friends, kids are You know, that kid will never knife you in the back Which I wish I could say to some other people Mentioning no names That's true, Floyd But why ought to know I cut their hair every day I see all kinds The only thing I got against kids They won't sit still But at least they ain't crabs and sourpusses I hate a sourpuss It's like I told my wife When I come home nights after a hard day's work I like a little cheery atmosphere around the place Not this night Floyd But I'm for kids I think that we can safely say That we're all in favor of children, Floyd Well, count me in But we're discussing at the moment Is Leroy Leroy's okay, he's a good kid Granted I was a kid once myself You were not alone in that either Oh, what up there? Oh, fellas, it's the chief He's back Oh, yourself, come on up Now stick with me, fellas We've got to make him see this thing my way He'll see it your way The chief's a good kid I'm for kids Hiya, chief Well, well, here's a pretty sight If I didn't know you all I'd swear it was a Dillinger gang Evening, chief How did you find your mother? Oh, she swelled just swell She's getting on now But I kid her along I tell her she doesn't look a day over 60 Well, Pee-Vee How's drugs and sundries? Oh, I can't complain I don't know why I say that But I think she's terrible Well, eat pluggin Uh, chief Commissioner I didn't see you standing there under the moose Oh I wonder if I could have a word with you, chief You bet And what's this I hear from my desk sergeant About your nephew being picked up for That's what I want to talk to you about No issue to getting so confidential over there We know all about it Now look, chief, Leroy's a good kid Why don't you just forget the whole business Well, it's not so easy What's so hard about it? Well, the fellow that's building the house Is Hanrath Hanrath, he's a louse Well, sure, he's kind of a louse But he's got influence And he claims the kids are swiping his lumbar so fast He can't get his house built But chief, a few crummy little boards I know it's a petty crime If there ever was one But unfortunately, it's on the blotter now If it hadn't got on the blotter Well, if you'd been on the job It wouldn't have got on the blotter Why weren't you out catching crooks Instead of gallivanting around the country My sergeant takes care of that And it seems he caught a couple Oh Gentlemen, maybe Is this necessary? Yes, it is Well, if it's necessary Hey, chief Let me ask you a simple question And you can answer it or not as you see fit But you're a bum if you don't What's the question, Floyd? Were you ever a kid, chief? Or were you born a cop? Of course I was a kid I've got pictures of when I was a kid Or my mom has I was going through the album with her only yesterday And don't you remember what it was like to be a kid, chief? Didn't you ever play hooky from school? Why, I guess so Didn't you ever roast Mickey's in a fire? Oh, sure Didn't you ever go swimming in the old swimming hole? You too, judge Think of it, chief Your childhood Blessings on the little man Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan They were the happiest days of your life, weren't they? The golden days of childhood Fellas, I didn't want to do this I was out of town at the time But don't you see, there it is on the books Fellas, don't look at me like that Well, I guess the chief just hates kids, that's all That's a hard thing to say of any man, Floyd But I'm a flage, you're right Fellas The quality of mercy is not strained It falleth as the gentle rain from heaven You said it, judge What's the use of being good to your mother if you hate kids? I don't hate kids Well, I just bought two dollars worth of Easter seals to help the crippled kids I'm as fond of kids as anybody Even Leroy Well, here's your chance to prove it But my duty, I took a note The boy was formally booked It's there on the blotter in black and white Caught stealing lumber It's up to the owner now If he wants to prefer charges, my hands are tied Well, let it go But he can't, he can't, that's all Thanks, Floyd, I'm glad somebody understands Chief, do you know what day this is? What day? Yeah, it's ten minutes to midnight Ten minutes to St. Patrick's Day I don't know if that means anything to you But I happen to have a bit of Irish in me, myself Irish is it? If there's Irish in a month, then sure, there's twice as much in a gig Well, it'll be that as it may And let's not be breaking any heads over the matter I'd hate to have the good St. St. come in without a song to greet it Take hands with your uncle, Mike Check hands with your sister, Kate Well, come on You're gonna sing an Irish song, Floyd Give us one with a little heart in it Commissioner, I thought you were a Dutchman How about you, Judd? There's a bit of Irish Terrier in him, too, Floyd The rest is goat Come over here, Horace You can sing if you'll sing softly I sing louder, not at all Well, that leaves only the peeve I guess peevee's the only one who hasn't got any Irish in them No, I wouldn't be saying that Him too, what a pack of liars Come on, peevee Peevee only sings one note, but it's a pip Peevee sings a note that can be heard only by dog Well, come on, fellas A little bit of, you know Sure, a little bit of heaven Hell, a mountain sky one day And nestled in the olden In a box so far And when the angels saw it Sure, it looked so sweet and fair They said to hold, we'd leave it Horace, forget To make the shanron grow If you'll find them No matter where And they dotted it with silver Just to make its legs so grand Beautiful Chief I know, I know, it always takes me this way Reminds me of my mother and me a little one underneath Well, huh, not ashamed of it Honest sentiment is nothing to be ashamed of You're right, Chief I'll tell you something else St. Patrick's Day is hardly the time for a jolly boy to be jailed in the nephew of a fellow member Lord's got something there, Chief How about it? My shameless, he's right Oh, no, wait a minute, fellas There wouldn't want to interfere in any way with the chief's conception of his duty Duty comes first No, Commissioner, my duty's clear to me now I'll have a talk with Honrath and see if I can't get him to withdraw the charge You think he might? He'll either withdraw it or I'll have the building inspector hang a complaint on him Picking on kids like that Thanks, Chief You had a hankering for some of that good medium mellow cheese like we had before the war Well, hanker no more Craft American is back Craft American for golden toasted cheese sandwiches Craft American for satin smooth cheese sauce Craft American for all kinds of wonderful cooked dishes No longer do you have to be satisfied with a substitute Insist on the genuine craft American Whether you buy the half pound package, the two pound loaf Or slices or cuts from the big five pound loaf Make sure it's plainly marked craft American And here's more good news for you mothers Velvete is plentiful again That delicious cheese food with the rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor The children like so well Smooth melting velvete that makes such a grand cheese sauce So when you buy craft American, get a package of velvete too It's after one o'clock I couldn't sleep Don't be mad at me, I'm pleased I'm not mad at you my boy But what's wrong? I wanted to tell you, I'm sorry if I was bad today I didn't mean to be, I'm sorry if I was And I thought of a punishment like you said Forget it my boy, I know you didn't mean any harm Then what was all the fireworks of us? I'm going to tell you something LeRoy It may be difficult to understand But it's a fact Grownups can sometimes make mistakes Yes, even your own uncle It's very confusing being a grownup Very confusing I often wish I were a boy again like you To make the most of the time when you're young my boy I want you to do nothing but have fun and have a good time Do you remember that? Yeah, but will you? Well, I'll try I'll go to sleep I haven't done this in a long time LeRoy But do you mind if I kiss you goodnight? No, go ahead Good night my boy God bless you Good night, uncle LeRoy Yes? Don't forget to take the ashes out in the morning He's okay Boy, I was worried about him there for a minute The Great Gilder Slave is played by Harold Perry The music is by Jack Meakin Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand Stay tuned in now for Duffy's Tavern Which follows of a most popular song This is John Lang saying goodnight for the craft foods company And inviting you to listen in again next Wednesday For the further adventures of the Great Gilder Slave Good night, John Good night, everybody Here's Happy New Year's for Homemakers Now you can make real rich, velvety smooth ice cream in your refrigerator Just get the new craft product called Friz F-R-I-Z-Z One package makes six generous servings of ice cream And very economically You simply add water, a little sugar And freeze according to directions on the package Add fruit juices or flavoring for variety Friz contains plenty of fine cream and milk Made by a process that retains marvelous freshness of flavor Get Friz from your food dealer tomorrow Surprise the family with homemade ice cream tomorrow night This is NBC, the national broadcasting company The National Broadcasting Company