 Today is a day when I am so overwhelmed by frustration by the body that I live in. I got up this morning and was gonna go to the gym, wanted to put my prosthetic leg on, knowing that that wasn't gonna be a good idea. I just had surgery, I'm still recovering, my leg doesn't fit right, it feels really bad, pain levels are high, but dang it, I wanted to wear my leg and walk on my own two feet to the gosh darn gym, knowing that I have other mobility aids that would serve me better if I wanted to like complete a workout. I said, no, screw it, I'm gonna do what I wanna do, I'm gonna will this into existence, I'm gonna wear my leg, and guess what? It didn't go well. Had to leave the gym in pain after like two exercises, and ended up becoming even more frustrated with myself with the decisions that I am making for my body. The reality of living in a vessel that is disabled and often in a lot of pain is that there are so many days when I feel like I am going to explode from the amount of frustration. I don't wanna be graceful to myself, I don't wanna use other aids that might make my life better, I just want things to work the way I want them to, and I know tomorrow will be different, but today I just wanna lose my mind and explode with rage.