 The following are excerpts from Psychological Evaluations performed by Dr. Simon Glass on Foundation Personnel. Dr. Glass. Alright, let's get this started. Dr. Alto-Clef. Dr. Clef. Subject hands Dr. Glass a ukulele. Dr. Glass. Very well. Dr. with some difficulty strums an A major chord. Let us begin this interview. If you could please remove those cinnamon rolls from Dr. Clef. Twists. Dr. Glass. Pardon? Dr. Clef. These are cinnamon twists, not rolls. Do you want one? Dr. Glass. Oh. Do you have any not in your nose? Dr. Clef. No. Dr. Glass. Well then, no thank you. Let's take a look at... Oh lord. Who let him bring a shotgun in here? Dr. Glass. So Agent Deogenes. How's it going? Agent Deogenes. I'm fine, but I'm wondering why I need a slight evaluation every week. Most people only do theirs once a month. Dr. Glass. Right, right. So listen, what are you doing Saturday night? Agent Deogenes. Um. Dr. Glass. Well, um, do you like hiking? Dr. Glass. Haven't been to sight 19 in ages. Why is that you can't come to sight 17 again? Dr. Bright. Okay. Dr. Glass. Oh. Right. Someone get me a D-Class in here for a few minutes. Director Ghost. Small, slow circles. Trust me. She'll love it. Dr. Glass. Wait. With my tongue or hands. Dr. Kondrakki. All right. So then he stumbles on some entrails and I managed to catch up to him. Dr. Glass. Uh-huh. Dr. Kondrakki. So I shoot his fucking face off. Bam. Just like that. Brains everywhere. Man. It was great. That D-Class with me was bawling like a baby. Dr. Glass. That's your favorite memory of working for the Foundation? Dr. Bright. They just don't trust me. Like I actually want to be the body of some stupid SCP. Dr. Glass. Well it would give you some form of stable body. Dr. Bright. Working on that with Kane actually. Gonna use 2-9-1 to make me a new body. Say, those are some amazing hands you've got there. Do you use them often? Dr. Glass. Well, look at that. Our time is up. Dr. Glass. And how did that make you feel? Dr. Right. Like killing him. I mean, there I was already and willing for sex and he buys a video game? It was just so, so. Dr. Glass. Agatha. Please. Put the lamp down. Agatha. Security. Security to exam room A. Dr. Gears. Uh. Dr. Glass. This isn't that hard. Just tell me what you see. Anything at all. Dr. Gears. Uh. I see asymmetrical ink blot, comprised of what appears to be black number 4 ink. The paper is folded in the middle, leading to the conclusion that it is a Rorschach or ink blot test. Dr. Glass. Okay. But do you see any shapes, like a butterfly or an ocean, people, anything at all? Dr. Gears. No. Dr. Glass. Are you sure? It looked like you might have saw something there for a second. Dr. Gears. No. I see collection of black, abstract shapes. Dr. Glass. Okay. Uh, we can try something else now. Just stop staring me like that. Dr. Glass. Uh. Dr. Clef. Uh. Dr. Glass. So what shall we talk? Dr. Clef. I've been kind of thinking about killing everyone in the base. Dr. Glass. What? Dr. Clef. Nothing. Dr. Glass. I thought you said you were thinking about killing everyone in the base. Dr. Clef. Are you kidding me? I never said that. Why would I say I sometimes think I'm gonna wake up one morning, take my straight razor out of its jar of blue disinfectant, cut my assistant's throat, and then run to the holes of this base, naked, slashing anyone who gets in my way? Dr. Glass. You… you just said it again. Dr. Clef. Said what? Are you feeling all right, Dr. Glass? You look pale. Dr. Glass. You just threatened to brutally murder myself and everyone in the base. Dr. Clef. No, I didn't. Dr. Glass. Yes, you did. I'll play it back. Listen. Sound of a tape recorder being played back. Dr. Clef. Really? All I hear is me telling you about waking up in the morning and shaving. Dr. Glass. What? Listen. You just said… Dr. Clef. You know, Dr. Glass, auditory hallucinations are often caused by overwork and stress. Maybe you should take a break for a while. Dr. Glass. Clef, you're not getting out of this interview. You're merely trying to scare me into ending this interview early with innate threats of violence. And I must warn you that such cavalier tactics are clearly transparent. Now if… Dr. Clef. Why would I do that? It's as ridiculous as claiming that I prepared a soporific laced gum to give you under the guise of a friendly offer of refreshments, thus knocking you out so that I can dispatch you at my leisure and throw your body into the incinerator, destroying all evidence, meaning that it will never be traceable back to me. Dr. Glass. Eh… Dr. Clef. You don't look well, Dr. Glass. Maybe you should lie down and close your eyes for a bit. Dr. Glass. All right. You can go. Dr. Clef. Piece of gum? Dr. Glass. Eh… Dr. Gears. Eh… Dr. Glass. A butterfly? Dr. Gears. No. Dr. Glass. Octopus? Dr. Gears. No. Dr. Glass. A horrible face mother explosion? Dr. Gears. No. Dr. Glass. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puff. Fluffy puffies? Dr. Gears. No. Dr. Glass. You're telling me you don't see happy little puppies right here? Look at the bottom of the paper. Dr. Gears. I see an abstract blot of black ink. And your finger. Dr. Glass. How can you be so cooperative and so frustrating at the same time? Dr. Kondrakki. All right. So that's when I noticed that the bloodstains led to the dancers closet. Sneaky f***er tried to hide out behind the brooms and mocks while he bled out. Dr. Glass. Are you seriously climbing that you engaged in a gunfight with several level 2 personnel over a failure to replace the filter in the coffee machine? Dr. Kondrakki. Well, you might not see it as a big... Dr. Glass. A coffee machine in a break room that you no longer use? Dr. Kondrakki. The issue here is the principle of the thing, Glassie. No filter means no coffee. No coffee means tired researchers. Tired researchers means mistakes. Costly mistakes end up as red numbers in my paperwork pile. See where I'm going with this? Dr. Glass. Dr. Kondrakki, I'd appreciate it if you would stop polishing your sword during the evaluation. Dr. Kondrakki. Bothering you, Duck? Dr. Glass. Ha. Dr. Kondrakki. You don't mind if I smoke, right? Notes. It's my official statement. I would like to note that I think all foundation personnel are deeply disturbed, amoral human beings suffering from varying degrees of enemy. Except Agent Diogenes, who is a very nice young lady or man who should go bowling with me instead today. Dr. Glass. Note. Glass, she or he is just not into you. Pull on your big boy pants and deal. Also, who the hell thought it was a good idea to give me access to these files? Dr. Bright. Note. Several interview segments have been altered due to the sensitivity of information made privy to Dr. Kondrakki as administrator of Site 17. Events as depicted are to be endorsed and considered fact for archival purposes. Those with level 4 clearance may see document data expunged. For information regarding the Mr. Coffee Incidents. 052.