 I'm actually finding found. I might go home. I'm actually finding found. I might go home. I actually found fine. I might go yes. Can't bring a prostitute to church with you whether she's conscious or not. I think we can all agree on that. That's a matter. What the fuck? Mr Brown. He's on camera. We can touch him and shit now. Am I actually on camera? Yeah baby. We have three camera angles now. Look you can cut between all three and you can see everything now. We have a brand new set. In this fucking hot box of a house. We made a promotional video with cracker milk boys and that's out. Man we pretty much yeah we've really put this in really much of an upgrade. This is still shit. It's from op shops. At least you've got a fucking couch. From an op shop. Can you show them your chair? This is... Stand up cunt! Stand up cunt! It's a little plastic blue chair. It's a little plastic blue chair for the brown every 10 episodes or so. If he's pulling his weight around here babies we will give him a chair upgrade. It's upgrades. It's so good. It's like a little... I don't want to go into it. I thought I was going to get a couch. So let us quickly go through the episode this week. What we're going to be doing and we're obviously not going to do the question segment this first episode because we don't have any questions. We haven't been asked any fucking questions baby. It's 2022. So we'll start that next week but this is pretty much what the fucking episode is going to look like. First we're going to have a little bit of shit talk which will take a while. We've got a lot of things to talk about that happened over the holidays. Then we talk about our sponsors. Then we talk about Matt's little black book which I found. I found it at home and it's full of fucked shit. Then we've got Michael's bible. He's finally finished his bible and he's letting me read it to the public. I got fucking so spiritual over the holiday break. That's all he was doing when he was writing his bible. I looked at the stars a few nights. And we're going to start a segment called Comment of the Week where we choose the best comment. Can be a question. Can just be a normal comment. It's called the cow. Then we're going to have the bachelor brown segment which we'll explain. Questions obviously. A new segment German or gibberish. That's cute. I'm looking forward to that. Then we give relationship advice. Then we do the PO box Well, fucking go us. We are back. We have backs and browns back. Look at him. He's fucking so cute. He hasn't said a fucking word since his hammer started rolling. He's on the blue. He's said a fucking word. It's looking right at me. It makes me nervous. It's a fucking person baby. Thousands of people watching right now baby. And guess what everyone? Hundreds of thousands. I have a fucking colesaur the size of Jupiter. It looks like it's gotten bigger because we fucked with it to make it look bigger. Black sore. It really hurts. Weeping virus fluid. Infected. It sucks. But yeah, that's me. It is so hot. I don't know how you guys sit here and do this. Should we do the sponsors before we talk about what happened because you got to get it done early or they get cranky. Alright, we got fucking manscaped. Go to manscaped, fully actual 20% off all of their fucking products. They got ball shavers. They got ball wipes. They got balls. You can put on a shirt. They send you a whole little box full of shit man. They got shit you don't even know you need baby. They also have started giving away these little packs and they've got like scissors, your nail clippers. Oh yeah, that actually was quite handy. I actually took mine and used it. I haven't used it yet. I've just been looking at it. That's a good start baby. Busted manscaped shit to look at baby. 20% off from fully actual 20 is the discount code. Alright, for fuck's sakes. If you need to buy some mail groom and shit you may as well have 20% off courtesy of us. And it helps us. Fully actual 20. The other fucking sponsor of the fuck podcast, right? It's the University of Markela subscription website where we post weekly videos that we cannot post to social media because they are too fucking fucked. Ask any member. They are fucked. You can have a look for yourself 21 day free trial. The link is in the description for yourself how fucked it is. You will not see content like that anywhere. Michael, while you're listening to this the video I just posted yesterday he went to hospital. It was honestly the worst night I've had in probably about 10 years. It was exceptionally stressful. We filmed a video. It went wrong and he was bleeding out of his ass like you wouldn't believe. This is not porn. We don't make porn settle down brown town. It's just a video that we didn't went wrong. Do you know exactly what happened to you? The second doctor I went to said I've basically sunburnt the inside of my colon. You got to watch it. We made a chemical reaction come out of Michael's ass. That's all you need to know. I was in excruciating pain. I think we've included that in the video. It's documented as I was going from hospital to hospital. Holy fucking shit. One hospital denied me because I had a temperature. They just said no. Not to mention that. The ambulance takes like a couple of hours to get to you now. It's a fucking, yeah. It's a beautiful video. It'll be out right now. Is it really? Guaranteed. It started off very simple. It started off very innocent. We wanted a little chemical reaction out of this fucking ass. From the ass. Exactly, baby. Have you seen the footage? No. You're not subscribed to anything, are you? And yet you sit there and demand that they subscribe to this podcast channel. You fucking can't! That's very hypocrite. By the way, if you want to help us out and you can't subscribe to the website or buy a manscaped shit, that's fine. All we ask is that you fucking pummel that like button, baby. Fucking king hit it from the back of some shit, baby. Yeah. And why not leave a comment? You may as well leave a comment. You might get the cow of the week. The comment of the week. But it has to be a pretty good comment for that. I'll tell you that right now. If you don't know what to comment, just comment the word comment and please subscribe. The cow of the week. That's a really good comment of the week. It abbreviated cow. Look, we've even got a new thing here that and we're going to learn how to record sound on it and then we can play the sounds and shit, man. So if the cow of the week segment, we can play like a mooing sound. Yes. Yes. Exactly that. That's it. Record the best fart. Yeah. And then we can fine say some shit. Dude, imagine if we could record on top of the recording and just have one long string of fart. Oh, I mean, like, yeah. And then we add it all together and then it's a half hour fart by the end of the season. And then we play that for the finale, babies. Yeah, I guess. That sounds pretty good. That would be music to my singes, man. I can't smell anything. My nose has been duffed. Oh, man, I'm sweating. It's a fucking hot box in here. Are we going to get aircon one day? No, I fucking hate this house. Not upgrading it. We always talk about the basement of Michael's house. All right. It's a basement in Michael's house. Anyway, shit talk. We had all of us had all of us had all of us had cut the word out of it completely, because that's a bad word. All right. Instead of the C word from now on, we're going to say ahhh So we all got what? Okay, we got it from a party. We got it to a party we went to. And I made out with a lot of dudes. Well, that could be why you got it. Julian probably got my tongue down new. I made out with some other random. I saw you making it with some short head blonde. But I don't know if it was a guy. Brown missed it. Anyway, what else do we need to talk about that happened over the holidays? The boys trip. Now, holy fuck. Our boys trip. Our boys trip aren't as wild as they used to be. So we have one night where we just fucking go wild and fucking cocks are out. We run around the house just fucking just going nuts. He was on the roof. He was on the fucking roof. Vomiting down the fucking chimney. Dude, we did get loose. We have one loose night and then, you know, we might smoke some weed on the other days or take some mushrooms. And we go on adventure things. Can you explain the camera thing, because that was one of the most hilarious things? Yeah, we had a on the Airbnb we stayed at they said that there's a camera at the entrance and then we get there. There's a camera at the entrance. There's a camera at the front. There's a camera inside. We don't know if the cameras are working or not. So I said, you know, all fucking find out here boys. And I pulled my pants down and started doing helicopter like that at the camera. Because I thought the owner, if he sees me doing that say something if he's watching us. He's not meant to be watching us. He probably wouldn't say anything. Yeah, you're right. It was a camera that now for nothing. But like it made us laugh. It was a camera in the living room face like the sitting area of the living room. So Marty just got completely naked and started getting his dick out. A dick out for the cameras, baby. Oh, and we won't go into that in case he watches this fucking thing. What, the owner? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he might don't. Yeah, boy, seriously. Hey, hey, calm it down with the owner. Okay. He still watches and okay, we did go on a massive adventure day. Which went horribly wrong. So this is where we stayed. Actually, it went sort of right. It worked out. So where we still have gone wrong. Where we stayed, there's all these creeks and it had been raining for the previous like four days. So we thought, oh, well, it's James's idea. Let's be honest. He said, let's go get some inflatables and we'll float down the river like we did when we're like 21 in Brisbane at Amar much more calm river. Yeah, we do that and some of the locals like, oh, it's been raining boys, be careful of flood waters. Be careful of the flood water. And there's stonefish and stonefish. Are they really venomous? Were you making that up? No, no. You saw the sign. I pointed at the sign. Are they venomous? Yeah, they stick their spines up. You can't and fuck their flam up it. Okay. So that's real. Oh, yeah. Okay, fuck. And anyway, we jump in our inflatables. We start our journey. The river is quite fast. It's not what we're used to. And brown was not happy from the beginning. It's a very scenic little thing. But there were some white water parts where we sort of had to carefully and there's all this debris sticking out of water because the creek so much higher than what it usually is because there's trees and shit sticking out of the water branches everywhere. So we had to navigate our way through little small bits and he's just banging in everything. He's just floating around like a shit in the ocean. All these trees sticking out and fucking sticks going into his boat. Didn't half of it get deflated? Yeah, half his boat was deflated. I was halfway through. So I wasn't 10K we did. It was a four and a half hour journey. And I did half of that with a half deflated boat. Like water was taken in. What would you have done? Imagine if we at the end when we all got so far ahead if yours had the inner ring and had also deflated. You would have been fucked. Well, I played that out my head. I was like Wait! Wait! At the end I got stuck and I was like I had to like sort of bounce like lifted over like rocks and trees and stuff and to get across and in the end I was like I was thinking in my head I'm going to have to try and walk out of here somehow. I'm pretty sure I could have got to the side but when in the water I think you pointed out it was so fast. It's fast on top but if you were in the water it is powerful as fuck. It's like anyway it leads us to the next part of the story. The floodwater was so high it was level with this bridge. You could just see the very top of the bridge sticking out like oh fuck that's not good and we could see all the water getting sucked down underneath the bridge. And to make matters worse the fucking fence along the bridge that's just sticking out is electrified. An electric fence. For some bullshit reason. It was a death trap like it was perfect for the scene of a film for something to go wrong. So we could go to the side but we had to be very careful not to touch the electric fence and we saw it quite late we all started fucking paddling hard trying to get to the side and one of our mates, the guy at the front Luke because he was at the front had less time and ended up getting sucked into the middle of the bridge and now he's pinned. His boat has gone up halfway onto the bridge. He's actually tried and touched the electric fence and it's got him. So he's backed the fuck away from that because fuck electricity and then he's sort of just on his he can't pull himself up he's just pinned pushed squished into the bridge and then you saw him. I watched him so I made eye contact with him and like I saw him just starting his legs were getting more and his head starting to go lower and lower so he's getting dragged under the bridge and then he took one last gasp of like air looked at me and this went down and I couldn't believe it. I was like oh he's dead in my head and I'm just trying to say to Marty what's happened is I'm the only one who's seen it so I'm like Luke Luke Luke Luke Luke and then fucking three seconds later somehow he just pops up I did see that and a big log and like all this dirt and shit came up with him so like if he got fucking pinned if there was a bit of a branch or something there was a big log on the other side it just happened to not like he grabbed on underwater he told us he hit a stick and grabbed onto it and we're shaking and luckily that broke away and then he fucking came up with the stick. If he got pinned under there dead within seconds like man he wasn't getting out of that you can't swim against that current baby. I thought he was I was like yeah I thought it was it I was like holy shit I just watched my friend die and he was the you were the last thing he saw yeah and I was the last thing I'm just looking at him going whoa whoa. Imagine if we never saw him again. Under. If people want to see the bridge we're talking about that's in one of the videos it's in the website we actually filmed the boys trip like it was probably 20 minute compilation of all the stories on the website. I think we are making a social media version of the boys trip video too so it might be out right now it might not but yeah we can see us at the bridge and talking about it so fucking holy shit so like that was one of the that's a fully a near death experience for him yeah yeah I bought him a dessert that night yeah yeah Michael like actually like when I'm ordered him a dessert and bought and pay for anything. I bought three and I gave him the one that I didn't want the most upon inspection he casted it aside hahaha but yeah Luke nearly died and that's the boys trip drama that happened baby oh man was there anything else oh we had just a lot of laughs lots of laughs lots of laughs lots of nudity and lots of fucking Marty's got this new fucking dance or whatever he does a jingle and it's honestly the funniest thing I've ever seen and we've all ever seen in my life and it fucking gets me off look it's this song alright anyway it's from a movie it's Will Thorough and I just love it look Paul's he's looking over cause he knows daddy dances when that plays can't like yeah it's a great dance it had really it changed me it fucking it really hit me too and like struck me if you want to see it it's on the boys trip video on our website and fucking hell best dance ever it's it's struck me it's very good okay and what else that's basically me clapping it's not that good okay it's just me clapping whenever they go yeah yeah yeah arms do something weird at the end after you clap arms do something really pretty I really like that yeah I'll give you that I love that part that's probably my favourite part it's what your arms do so yeah and Jackson and Lockie came out and Jack's Lockie came for one of the nights it's bloody great time they had a rough time they got stuck out the front for half hour oh yeah and then they bursted a tire on the way home and an adventurous trip anyway that's our boys trip and it's a bloody ripper every time I'll tell you that much for free right now right here and right now yeah I just heard that and now what about the jackass oh yeah alright so here we go baby Paramount come to us and they say hey do you want to make a video to promote the new jackass movie we are pitching them idea after idea after idea they're saying no no no no no to fucking everything and it basically boiled down to them saying why don't you just get a tattoo and shout to the boys and we'll set up a zoom was that their idea yes we're meeting our fucking heroes we're not going to get a fucking tattoo and shout to them so we said no we're not going to do that that's fucking lame as shit and they're like you make sure that you tell us anything you're going to do that's out of order make sure you run it by us because you can't do anything crazy yeah they didn't want us to so we just said oh look we'll just do the interview and we'll turn that into a video and then they came back and were like oh yeah okay but make sure you only ask questions about their career and about the movie nothing else you can't do any stunts you can't do this because it'll promote people to think that they can audition and to try and be on jackass and blah blah blah blah anyway we're like yeah yeah yeah whatever and then we devised a sneaky little plan yeah we went behind their backs yeah fucking oath fuck you Paramount so I don't know if anyone's seen the interview it was a little we were fucking nervous as fuck man it was the nervous we've ever been for an interview and we're also worried that Paramount was going to cut our interview halfway through so we fucking tried to cram all the jokes in at once it was a little bit fucking cringy but look at the end of the day you've got to make sure that they remember you alright so we did a few fucked things Michael Dranky's piss we had an eyebrow and Michael shaved his eyebrow and look we were just a little bit silly yeah we were so cute we was very very fine and they let us see the movie Steve-o is a gentleman and a scholar they let us see the movie before it even came out in real world baby with gold class that was nice we got like a bit of food and stuff hey Bosley don't lick, hey that brings me to some other news Bosley had a lump on his leg had it cut out of the holidays it is malignant so that means it is a bit cancerous so I have to keep a very close eye on him make sure they got it all but it's a very low grade cancer so that means it's very unlikely to spread and if it does come back it'll be in the same spot just on his leg so it's a little bit scary fucking hell a few hospital trips happening yeah fucking oath there's fucking been in the hospital more times than I care to think about Matt Brown I have to keep checking the cameras yeah god damn that makes things stressful but yeah apart from all that that's probably what we did yeah and we've also hired James one of our fucking best mates is now also working for Marty and Michael full time so gives us more time to be organized he pretty much fucking sorted a lot of this set built the tables and shit he built the tables? yep he's just an organizer and eventually he will be a manager role welcome James he's got a cactus garden it's fucking amazing he should see his garden it's fucking good he's very good at organizing things he's a proper adult by the way guys we're gonna be relying on you to tell us which of these segments during this episode are fucking shit and which ones you fucking want back we don't fucking know we just think everything we do is hilarious so just let us know of something shit all right it's 6.20 is that bomb break oh I need the clock oh here we fucking go on this day in 1999 rats drained a sack of fluid situated under the chin of Adele the sack formed while she was rolling around a deep gutter in London while fucked on black tar heroine and ketamine had the sack been left untreated it would have killed her meaning that the rats saved her life she wrote that song rolling in the deep about the experience the chorus we could have had it all refers to the highdakes she felt when the rats left her after draining the sack instead of staying with her that's a funny word isn't it that's seriously a funny word do you know what I mean mmm yeah delicious guess what I have oh I thought you were going to fart oh I wish I did babies me guts are all clear can't me guts are all fucking clean head and shit push push it up fuck bitch how the fuck are you to death baby I'll cry on your dick you want me to fucking cry on your baby bitch I'll suck you to your cum cunt I'll cry on your dick I'll cry on it oh I love the Mike Tyson take off I'll suck you to your cum okay alright so this is fucking mad you found it alright so look look look look look so the diary entries obviously ended last year for the brown town he was not willing to share any further details there he's not happy with the backlash he's not happy with how personal things got he knows exactly who he is as a human being well I found fully actual after it so I found this little little mat little black book okay and this disgustingly has every single fuck that the brown has ever had written in there and it's got a little story to it so he doesn't forget I don't know if I really want to do this he's got a black book full of every bird he's fucked and he's fucking got a description about how he fucked him right oh man I don't think I want to oh here we go anyway just listen to it you might really like this trip down memory lane for you okay have number one my first have was not memorable at all the only thing I remember was her height, weight, scent address and blood type I was nesting in a hole I had dug next to a driveway of a girl I'd been observing I recognised the sound of her car leaving and flattened my body out so she could not see me protruding from my watch hole she drove off and I leapt into action I had been preserving a dog corpse for the last five weeks waiting for this opportunity I lay the dog corpse across the driveway and knelt next to it I forced tears to fizz from my eyes by crushing a cyst that had formed on my neck with my hands I crushed and crushed until I felt one of my fingertips rupture the cyst tears started flowing freely and my trap was set after some time I saw the girl driving up the street she had returned I started weeping uncontrollably and howling at the moon she slammed the brakes on her she saw me and wound her window down oh my god what happened twerk, twerk hit my dog my dog is dead I saw the pity swell in her eyes and I knew I had a chance she got out of the car and walked over immediately making sure to continue weeping her scent danced into my nostrils and my pupils began pulsing my grip around her tightened I'm so sorry this has happened to you she whispered I slowly pulled away and from the hug and looked right into her eyes why can't it bear to be alone tonight she looked down at the dog corpse and back up into my eyes well do you want to come in for a cup of tea before she had even finished the question I grabbed her wrist and started towards her house she sat and spoke for hours and I made sure to stay as sad and depressed as I possibly could during a break in conversation I saw my opportunity and shot my oily tongue in and out of her mouth she pulled away hesitant what are you doing I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead she looked unsure but kind of shrugged and let me continue I entered her and my erectile tissue began expanding like elephant tasting her guts it wasn't long and I began ejaculating one solid chunk I detached myself from her and started leaving her house she watched on confused as my chunk dangled from her split jerk down I said and slammed the door behind me oh my god that is intense intense that is Matt's little black book full of little treasures full of little treasures I don't think I'm ready for everyone to hear about my adventures dude like it's I think based on the fact that we had your diary this is less personal how is that less personal it's just an experience your diary entries all about your thoughts and prayers and everything going on around you and how you feel about things this is more just like a cool little story about chicks at your bank this has all gone to shit for me I've got the shittest chair in the world and now I'm having my private sexual life read out to the masses I have to have my bible read I don't want to share my religion yet that might make me feel better I haven't perfected it he's a god Michael has sort of come to the opinion that he's a godly creature with powers and special magic over the break I realised I would explain the hair change anyway so Michael's given me his bible and I've taken screenshots of some of the verses I'd like to read them out to you that's okay okay you can share it chapter 19 verse 3 from the book of is is what is now isn't forever so is is really is if it isn't one day don't live by is and remember that an is can be an isn't in any moment is is temporary so don't live your life on what is right now but rather just be knowing that isn't is and is isn't dude that fully does make sense if you think about it it's sort of saying that nothing's permanent everything's temporary so don't focus on what's happening right now good or bad because one day this is isn't I get it man because of like Asteroids and she 100% there's actually mentions that I didn't read that though it's in between the lines you got the thought it says it at the bottom here Asteroids oh dude it's spot on it's spot on it did make me feel a lot better 110% baby but like it isn't perfect I'll get there but who knows it might one day is perfect you see what happened holy shit dude you fucking nailed that did you get that no I miss that completely as I said it isn't perfected yet yeah anyway you have to rewatch it okay oh that's what happens when close up very good right now we would usually do the questions that you guys drop in so feel free to drop your questions we'll be looking for the questions that have the most likes to read out first yeah send us your questions I'll look at them all and I'll read out what I can during this time we'd also be doing comment of the week okay which means we're gonna pick the funniest or the best or the most profound comment that anyone has posted alright it's not gonna exactly go off likes we're gonna be the judges of which comment gets comment of the week and whoever gets comment of the week it will be recorded somewhere and go into the comment of the week hall of fame baby um yes do we make the comments based around each episode or do we let them go for whatever they want whatever you want the canvas is so blank right now and it's see through so all you need to do is reach out and topple it over baby because no man waits to side the long hahahaha yeah and that's a verse out of the book of Michael that's what he is hold on that's chapter two that's chapter two it's all written here oh we're also starting a segment right oh okay now as you as you know Michael and I are both very happily taken and Matt Brown is a single lad so take a good look ladies and gentlemen look at that no get that fucking head right there because Matt doesn't know this but we're starting a segment to help him fuck as many bitches as fucking possible no is this the bachelor brown bachelor brown so what we need and if there's and there's only like five chicks watching we need any of those chicks if you're single and you want to have a date with the brown writing a little something about yourself not to the fully actual Instagram because he'll see it to the mighty and Michael Instagram if we pick three every week you pick your favorite and then we call him after the show or during you can specify when you're sending us a message because you might not it might be too shy to have your first conversation we're not calm I could get I can phone dates play by we don't want to put any sexual pressure on him look at him sculling that water just thinking about driving a solid stick straight in between the posts slug slug very good bachelor brown will be back next week yeah wow so that's exciting not having a good time there's some good segments like how rad was my bible dude that's the only good part so far these episodes are going to go for so long baby holy shit I just realized that that's all right we'll get there matter of fact we're only at 40 minutes yeah how long 40 minutes 40 minutes yeah plus a bong break so you're at 35 go off did you like the weed no like that's the highest I've been I haven't smoked for like two and a half weeks so I'm really tolerance is quite low again now those bruises real bad hurt today we did a video on where's walley and I forgot his shirt so we had to make one oh no oh no I'm in pain again we won't be allowed to post that's a social media but yeah true but there's another website video there's a funny part that we can post the very end when bloody julien comes and slaps you that's right yeah that's exactly right mate I've been pained on the exterior and interior oh well colon burnt colon yeah three days of agony and that's what I've like this for like three days burnt colon shitting just blood nothing else just blood it's weird to like fill up with blood like a teaspoon of blood would happen every half an hour it looks like a lot of blood how did you explain it to she fully understand and like drove me to three hospitals it was really cool she was amazing I understand Michael but we called her parents who were nurses yeah I didn't like that comment I did hear I would never be able to fucking that is like did a video I wish I chugged some vinegar up my ass how are you going how are you being alright how's work I must say her father-in-law was very all my fault well just he was very very very understanding he was very very he was like you idiot yeah I heard and he said you could have permanently damaged yourself oh that would that was shit bag right now dude as sad as that would have been for a while eventually that could comedy fucking gold baby just have it out every podcast yeah well yeah you didn't see it fill up during the podcast seeing just yeah long shits just squeeze into it I'm shitting I'm shitting right now holy shit it's sort of water fully maybe it would have been very on brand to have a colonoscopy bag we'll fuck it we'll do it again yeah we directly after we discussed it we're like oh we should do that again and do it like that yeah the burning doesn't into like an hour later because the vinegar is fully burnt through chips and burn my mouth like I'm not surprised think about salt and vinegar chips that would have made total sense what do you mean most of the time you burn your mouth because I eat them so of course it's gonna but that's a salt as well though right I don't know I don't know I think it's a vinegar because you've you've necked a glass of vinegar fine before yeah no I had probably 12 hours of paying that oh really you just felt sick I know I was just hoping everything would be okay and I knew we needed to make a volcano it would have been so cool and it was pretty cool it sounds so dumb but like it would have been yeah it was important well people want to know people wanted to know that they were saying all the time they're saying it what can you make of eruption out of your asshole they said that and we'd be like fucking hell really no one else like I was a Hukano she's a Hukano baby no one else gonna look at this we now we now have to do this what color was it it was all sorts oh the no it was blood for like oh yeah the blood after the during the volcano so worried oh my god it was bicarb as well so it fizzed it was blood yeah it doesn't seem right that doesn't seem correct volcano volcano also yeah fucking no ambulance can't they don't come anymore yeah so be careful well maybe they were busy and you weren't top of the and if you've got a fever you're not allowed in hospitals so be careful man I was very scared I see your forehead before you go in I wonder if that would work did they take your temperature yeah sorry but you think you'd have a temperature if you've been like this for six hours burning up from shitting blood yeah I don't think they liked your reason for why you're in pain I told him that I was doing a like a health thing you were doing a mentos enema colonoscopy and the fucking I just said that I used all vinegar not watered diluted yeah so like oh you didn't dilute it well that's what the nurse should have been like holy shit let's get you right in because you could die why didn't you dilute it because we wanted a bigger reaction we wanted to fucking make the explosion where was the there where was the research we sort of researched that we called we called some people and they said oh I guess it's okay research done baby look we don't our research is doing baby you gotta do the prac people think they have it back to fucking front do the research do the research and read your book first waste so much time and then they write about it after and do it after do it first do it first then you have something to write about so true then do it then write again same time you are right we have the writing which is easier think about the things that we've discovered because we're not reading straight away where you can eat corn if you're starving recycle it cum does taste different after pineapple juice all sorts of things so if you're respectful if you're respectful you should drink pineapple juice and if you want to save money and not buy so much food just buy corn and recycle it continue to just shit it out that was a real real rant 100% beautiful I thought that was real hey oh my god this brings us to our next segment German or gibberish alright let's get into this German segment you fucking hunts so this is a segment where I read a sentence they have to tell me if it's an actual German sentence or if it's just complete gibberish that I've just fucking made up do you understand brown every time they get it wrong I get to stand up and slap them in the fucking face hard as I can I reckon legs fair a big leg hits fine legs are in distance for you well how about we do we'll tally it up at the end whoever loses that way you don't risk getting slapped multiple times one leg slap at the end oh you can just go bang bang each shit it's just a leg just get it done alright look at my body I don't want to look like that alright you ready first one Achtungnian by Flyp yeah that's definitely German that is fucking German to a T you can't mix and match like half German and then half gibberish I've heard all of those come out of his mouth when he talks to his mom is that your mom I have to go mom alright nah I'm kidding that was a joke that was part of the game we got brown then you really thought Achtungnian you did go like that really? anyway German or gibberish can I hear it again sorry Achtungnian by Flyp oh wait no Flyp that's gibberish oh wait no way of course that's German I'm gonna go German you are both fucking wrong that is complete and utter shit Achtungnian is all German Achtungnian Achtungnian it's the same thing pretty much that's what I was like you can't be German and gibberish yeah he's gibberish Flyp of course you are Flyp that was the fucking thing no no so you both had one wrong whoever loses out of you two gets the leg slap you've got more German than me alright here we go ready next one Deine Faust is geschwollen say it again Deine Faust is geschwollen yeah no that is not German no it is Dein oh fuck ish Dein oh fuck I'm gonna go with it isn't German I have to go with it is German because he's I have to get away from him it isn't you're trying to trick us you'd always do a negative I can feel I know you it is German oh fuck you're lying the Germans who watch can confirm that means your fist is swollen that's what that sentence means holy shit alright next one ready how many more so it's that's a head by one yeah but how many more we got three it's five in total okay stack bluts of yupptisch stack bluts of yupptisch I don't reckon it's German oh fuck me you fucked me dude I can't think right now that's say it one more time stack bluts of yupptisch that's not German yeah I'm gonna go not German too fuck you can just play it safe and follow me the whole time oh that's so true Daniel she just said that the answers are locked in you go first it is not German you are both correct okay I think to be fair now the person ahead has to go first yeah agree oh here we go alright next one mine of flowers he's taking this so seriously I can't stop laughing mine is German that's German it has the sentence has to make sense I may borrow like an is or an a or a v from the actual German language you gotta make it gibberish but you can't use the German word yeah it has to be one more time mine of flowers clank that's like a sausage he's like he's dropping a C bomb clank clank that's gotta be German that is German I get to answer first oh shit and it's not German okay good not German that's German that is German and that means my wife is sick clank clank clank alright it is there are even Stevens baby whoever gets this one right who gets to pick first now what if you pick the same you both get slapped one of you has to take a leap Spiel mit dieser Brust Spiel mit dieser Brust Spiel mit dieser Brust Spiel mit dieser Brust I reckon that is fucking not German that's not German oh wait wasp what's that last word Brust oh that is fucking German that's a sausage that's a force you're going it's German it's German I know it's German you have to oh wait German then we flip a coin the other person I know how we can make this even more interesting whoever gets it right can have a guess at the meaning of the sentence if it is German for an extra point well that's if we both go the same way so you're saying it is are you saying it is he's saying that everything that is isn't soon you understand it's from his Bible it is for now but it won't be won't be one day anyway so you want to go with is or isn't it isn't wow saying it isn't German it is German okay here we go it is German yes would you care to take a guess at the meaning something about sausages it says play with these breasts borscht is sausage brost is not sausage brost sounds like breast I get it well now you get to slap your leg as hard as I possibly can jeans on what goes up must come down and down and down I reckon that does nothing I actually hurt my hand a lot I think you caught the top of the knee that would have hurt me a lot there's a little bit of pain but the German pays the German pays man the right leg is going to take a beating isn't it over the next 40 episodes you might win some next time you're allowed to put your body weight into it you're allowed to stand up I agree with that because then you won't hurt yourself I think you just have to go more side on and I should do like a horse bite thing you know yeah if you want that work I reckon yeah he'd make you so mad I reckon that would make me lash out a bit at it the initial hit and then the grab at the end he'd slow down I don't think he's going to be able to grab mine I've got a little bit of chunk there you're a bit stretchy you're going to wear jeans every week I come from work anyway so it makes sense I actually really like that German segment you take it way too serious it's a game you never half you don't want to lose and have your asshole fucking whipped up baby I just went and enjoyed the moment and now look at ya you got a red red sore knee and you got a sore wrist anyway the next segment is something we're trialing we've never done this before it's relationship advice with us three us three relationship advice with us we can do it and this is basically where some cunts have sent some shit about their relationship and they well look two thirds of the people who sit here are in very successful relationships so I feel like we're pretty credible when it comes to advice not to mention we are geniuses do you understand we are fucking so intelligent so yeah it's going to make sense to us so keep sending them in alright so these are anonymous so don't stress out we don't show anyone or anything or compile them in a folder keep them God I'm definitely keeping them controversial one years ago when I was dating my ex we were in my car and I was playing Spotify on one of the car speakers through my phone she wanted to change the song to an artist but she likes that starts with P but she couldn't remember the name so she tried googling it on my phone and as soon as she typed P Pornhub came up as the recommended search whether I watched porn and at the time I didn't think it was a big deal and just thought that everyone watches porn including girls my ex before it used to watch porn so yeah my response to her was yes so what and she immediately broke down into tears next thing you know I'm in the dark house for a week and she made me promise never to watch porn again whilst we're in a relationship as she compared to cheating one of my many reasons why she's my ex now and we are no longer dating yeah look that's fucking it's I guess it's case to case relationship by relationship but it's not fucking cheating you can do it together as well you're like there's ways around it you know if you feel like watching porn and your partners are okay they always say hey come here come here and fucking watch this yeah I agree but like yeah that's definitely not cheating and I'm sure that most men would watch porn in relationship still like like if not all I think there's two things I think she's overreacted but at the same time as long as his porn watching isn't like affecting their relation to the point where that he's choosing to watch porn over having sex every Tartos every now and then whatever it's very healthy so healthy yeah you don't want to that's why you're glowing we're doing it together idea like yeah we're doing together it's a lot of fun thank you man you learn thank you so much he was splashing around in his vomit today with those hands oh yeah I have not washed them anyway so there you go that's some helpful advice alright you were right and she was wrong and communicate to each other don't worry about that you're right she was wrong that's all the matters you don't talk about it always yeah I don't want it to be dinner chat every night unless you both enjoy it anyway hey lads long time viewer first time messaging I've been single since 2019 covid taking a real uppercut to my dating life any advice on getting back out there and meeting someone what's your best pickup lines where would you meet chicks aside from dating apps on 22 when sexually frustrated 22's keep me anonymous 22 is so young yeah you got plenty of options yeah dating apps that was fucking so easy back in the day dating apps just fucking it's just a numbers especially for young people as well and again you got all this time to go out and you know party and all that he wants fuck right now he wants a fucking route right now look there's dating sites out there that have just that what you're looking for one of our friends met member used to have a fuck book oh he did so you're talking about yeah okay so you're talking about getting out there and having a bit of a fuck no he's just saying he's dating best pickup lines and where would you meet chicks aside from dating apps we just would go out that's what we would meet all our birds and Matt Brown Matt's situation is very different he would stalk on all that whatever we don't expect you to do that Marty's right I reckon you can go out or you can hit your usual dating apps but if you really want to get out there and you know if your main goal is just sex yeah there's sites for that and there's animals too you can get some big animals now we had a fan I think ask dolls what's a pickup line and I messaged him ask them if you've ever seen a dead body it fucking work yeah it works it works well the other thing you can do is find a celebrity that you look like and pretend to be that celebrity that worked for us fucking just we were just always just showing off we were just always attention seeking I guess it's it's called peacocking isn't it peacocks peacocking peacocking we were dancing around trying to be funny oh yeah there's some footage of you dancing in Europe dude very beautiful yeah like a peacock other pickup lines pickup lines is get in the van just fucking point out outside and just don't stop saying it get in the van because eventually they'll believe you and then that's when you say I'm joking and then the relief comes breaks the ice yeah man it is a hammer through that ice shard everywhere baby yeah yeah trust me man try it get in the van no no no I'm not getting the van and maybe move a little closer to her every time you say it you gotta be in the like certain ways where you are it makes sense gesture to the outside get in the van and then you laugh and then just as she's freaking out this guys fuck this is real and I'm just joking god how are you like what are you doing here what are you reading right now let's try it please and on dating apps you're easy don't your first message hey how's it going so what are you doing like dating apps just turn into fucking small talk boring shit shows for chicks give them something to read give them something it's a bit different you stand out a bit you know oh wow we had some friends of ours who would honestly just fucking froth over marty writing shit just take friends phone and just write the first message to chicks and then they would always continue talking oh man we won't name him but he loves it yeah f***y boy we better cut that he's not on dating apps can we believe he's dating I'm sleeping with two women yes they're both pregnant yes neither knows about the other yes I should stop but I can't best poem for valentines they're both pregnant yeah do you want a serious answer what to do well honest I guess um you should you should I don't even know that's a tricky one are they your children are they someone else's children you're skunting on do you mean like the girls he's from the kids that he's put in the girls I'm saying the baby's in the women I thought he meant the girls themselves his own because he's facialing them every time he ejaculates into the pregnant beast no they'll be going on the feet isn't the baby upwards and then it turns it doesn't matter it's still getting in a man I don't know we need it sometimes work around the wall and attack its head I've read it man I've backed that we've done an experiment if we could so either way he's either coming on his own kids or someone else's kids that's risky but man that is respect that is respectful dude I guess like what do you want an open relationship where like they're sleeping with other people cause if they are sounds like they're not ready why would they get pregnant with him if they're sleeping sounds like they're not ready for motherhood maybe they do sleep around cause they've got pregnant that's why they're pregnant then he has a case to not worry about it I'll be like give me a paternity test but I guess if he's told the girl that he just wants to be with her and then he's that's probably wrong you gotta be honest but if they're chill with it then it's fine yeah it's all gonna come out in the end he's got the kids coming the kids he's coming on the kids block a heart and come in their throats it's a recipe for disaster eventually they're gonna find out eventually the kids are coming I wonder if there is a recipe for disaster it's an interesting saying and we should make a video about it is there a recipe for disaster thank you what is a recipe for disaster is there a recipe to disaster yeah think about it find out for you it's auto corrected to receipt but that'll do that's sort of like you gotta find out cooking wise or just in general just in general baby and we try and cook it you're gonna get a recipe for a bomb we try and cook the recipe cause that's what you do with recipes you cook it yeah true which implies that all disasters are cooked up holy shit it makes sense I get it we're all catching up now most people most people that have disasters happen are chefs possibly or maybe there's no disaster cause they know how to cook yeah how's everyone gone alright we're gonna move right along dude I wish you laughed like that all the time and my voice went in and out like the microphone okay oh the white stop filming it moved a bit oh shit he's kicking up oh the whites it moved a bit that's what it did alright it's time for we got two final segments we still got two more yeah baby we got the PO unboxing and I gotta say this fuck all we have like ten letters from the same decoding cunt to be honest I think I'm just gonna rip most in half no we gotta give him a chance there could be like shit in there that we have shock I'm not decoding them and there is one other genuine letter we need to do something with the podcast this year with the PI box segment sorry we want to take all of the things that we get sent and build it into a a statue well a sculpture is what you would call it a sculpture of the season so we have a season sculpture we'll glue it together sorta like requifton was built right exactly how requifton was built remember together with spare parts except Matt used body parts which could be body parts if you want to send that so basically people can send whatever they want and we'll put it together and create we'll put it together and every week we'll add to it so please send in your shit okay whatever you want doesn't have to be as long as it goes on a mannequin we gotta be able to stick it but like look at this shit we'll put the mannequin there we can just hold it up every week next to you but what we'll do when it comes to this segment is we'll put it up on the table and like look at this shit that we got sent last year we could turn that into a sculpture no worries so just shit like that and if you want to send it here it is PO Box 256 Taken 4018 Queensland Australia and it says there send us we should see that yeah so no no go on do that count I want to tell you what to do about fucking send us shit count go in this fucking taken over okay so these are the letters okay we got one from the coda same handwriting two from coda four coda five coda six coda but we've never been sent yellow ones from the coda that's exciting I'll put my hands up that's exciting so we'll open one of these each and then we've got a cool one then we have a letter then we have a letter from someone else which is nice hopefully just be careful come and pubes oh that's right he sends his fluids to it this gift is for Matt Brown I got one for Matt he sends himself I don't like how you hold it and he writes shit on there that I can't really read out if it's too graphic just say we can't read that why is he sticking together suck this you oh it is too oh it's full don't show what it says on the paper don't show what it says we can't show those words on the screen you don't need to undo it be careful you're flashing the words right now just says come and pubes and it says it's got some words that are very politically incorrect that we cannot reveal to you to Marty and Michael I love you guys videos I watch on YouTube and Facebook and YouTube I love how you say it's for science can you please personally sign these two photos of you guys you can say anything on it please thanks for the videos it makes my day happy to see you guys doing the videos thanks again and enjoy my letter from Hayden Cunningham thank you very much Hayden and we will sign those off no we don't know how to do do we not know how to send things back Matt did we have a return address no we said don't we have to put it back in this thing no we just write that address on another piece of envelope last time the person give it to me I'll take care of it Matt we'll do this careful you're going to ruin the photos last time a guy sent us actual photos and we signed them but they didn't give us an address I think he did later on but we just didn't do it then the house is always messy thank you for that Hayden and we don't really need to go into the rest of those letters he just said a diss song about Matt Brown yeah the coder he's not really a coder anymore he just hates Matt with a burning fire the abuser will call him what can I say one more I just see my name and sea bombs that's all I ever see he's so much jeez he's loads of so massive open it to find out what the fuck is going on I can't read we can't read out what he's written can I just have a look is it what I think it is oh wow dude you've got some serious issues and don't fuel him on Matt he'll start fucking throwing rocks at you and his address is we have his return address oh really? I don't think so can I have a read of those after his dad left him he laughed a bit is the flare still recording and then it's time for the flay-lay nah nah I heard it going me me me me me did not oh no I heard it alright everybody so that nearly wraps it up for us and we'd just like to say thank you so much for getting to this stage and it's the prank call time okay alright here we go I don't know if I can sit through this oh yes and now you get to see Matt you used to always remember over at mine it's not much don't get your hopes up what dude it's such a more intense angle I could have dragged that out baby I thought that would be short one baby anyway continue with the call yeah Matthew Brown normally walks away so now you get to see him you can't you have to stay people need to see your face people need to see your fucking face hi I was wondering if I could place a pickup order please sorry just before I continue I have a diagnosed Tourette's so if I make sound it's just my Tourette I'm sorry no no no it's okay what would you like can I place order for your fucking pig sorry three large pizzas yeah can I get one one large meatlovers fucking close the door close the door large meatlovers on classic crust yeah can I get one snip it just one large Hawaiian please yeah and also just get what's the chicken what's the chicken one called again you fucking broke it you can't there's a chicken and camembert chicken bacon I always eat fresh milk fresh milk I'll get the chicken chicken and camembert camembert please yeah dress me up like a little girl dress me up now and then then for drinks ah spit at me now coward one two one two point five liter sprinkle your dust on my cunt I wanna smell your shit one two point two five liter coca-cola please ah the one point two five liter we don't have coke we have a pepsi ah you shut your mouth so sorry pepsi max pepsi max please bring it over drag it in here I wanna smell it's cunt I'm so sorry and then if I get one side is that like a a special nah nah nah deal I can check that for you if you'd like yeah yes yes please I'm spitting me alive yeah so you can get the three pieces a garlic bread and a chicken block them at the front door I can't see this right now and the drink for a deal of thirty five ninety five okay okay ah bring it over here and scut it in half bleed piss bleed more piss down the throat I wanna come in my own mouth ah you fucking fuck it fuck it off backwards now so sorry no it's okay would you like me to repeat the order for you yes please ah shut up so that's the barbecue meatlovers Hawaiian chicken and camembert I can't see it why can't I see anything thirty five ninety five um I'm probably just gonna have to hang up on her there oh dude I reckon because you say that you've got Tourette's they're gonna let it go forever oh man she did so well that is fucking professionalism that is good work from domino she wants a job sorry about that swearing I literally have no idea what's gonna come out of my mouth oh man it's scary relinquishing control thoughts because anything could come out do you understand what I'm saying she was so lovely what was her name Timothy Linder Timothy Linder Timothy Linder Timothy Linder she's actually a really beautiful name I'm gonna call my mind rolls off the tongue Timothy Linder you were so professional back there thank you so much you're young and I'm sorry if I take the filter away things just are said oh it was just swear words I said can't a lot and I told her to shut up which I felt bad about when she said when you read it back you were like shut up but she knows it's not personal and you're allowed to I'm glazed in sweat now like I've been hunting she did take it well Timothy Timothy Linder what a name Timothy Linder guys we got a jam-packed season coming for you alright as you can tell it's gonna be a fucking ripped snortler alright the prank calls we're gonna try and have a bit of a storyline with to eventually like the butcher end of season 2 wonder if we'll get a new character this season possibly could be new characters we got Arnold Fine prank calls Darren prank calls, Margaret prank calls Dakota's a bitch she fully is Darren is coming back before we have our closing thoughts can we just check the phone I heard it buzzing and I saw smoke pouring out of the back of it alright so as the end of episode 1 we're probably not quite at the best that we usually are takes time to warm back up yeah it's our first one back and there are a lot of technical things we're in a new house like we're in a new part of the house actually we're doing multi we're doing multi angle for the first time and that's gonna be some teething with some teething issues the middle camera the wide backed out it stopped a few times man I don't know if you guys noticed but it stopped a few times hopefully our angles hopefully our angles are good ohhhh closing thought I guess we could say exactly and well done boys seriously hey that's actually really pretty good we're nearly the best we're nearly back to the best we'll probably be back at the best season episode 2 or 3 at the best