 Armist Brooks, starring E. Varden. Armist Brooks makes the woman as well as the man, and Armist Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High, is regarded as the school's best-dressed teacher. And that includes many of the male teachers. But my rep as the campus clothes horse must be attributed to the dress-making talents of my landlady, Mrs. Davis, who frequently surprises me by making stunning creations, which I purchased for the cost of the material. When I joined her at breakfast last Thursday, in fact, she had whipped up another surprise for me. Look, dear, I made this dress for you. That dress? For me? If you like it, I'll take it off. Not while I'm eating, please. I like to dress very much, Mrs. Davis, but I'm afraid I can't afford it. I'll have to find something cheaper. But you'll just have to pay for the material, Tommy. That was only $1.35. That's what I mean. I'll have to find something cheaper. Oh, there you go teasing me. You told me yesterday that you found $100 bill in your dresser. That's right. It was a bill from Sherry's department store. I didn't pay them for my bedroom furniture last month. My goodness, I thought you found $100 in cash. That's what I told Harriet Conklin when I saw her at the movies last night. What? Oh, great. Now it'll be all over the school. Harriet's a lovely girl, Mrs. Davis, but she is a gossip. Now, now, don't get excited. I told her it was confidential, so I was sure she'll keep it a secret. A secret? That's a laugh. A secret in Harriet's hands is as confidential as Ali Khan's romances. Well, you better tell her the truth when you see her at school. And have her go blabbing it around that I owe Sherry's $100? No, thanks. But actually, all I have in the world is the $0.45 that's in my purse, and I'll probably blow my $0.45 at lunch. Now, what'll I do for dinner? Have you thought, Mr. Boynton? Frequently, but what'll I do for dinner? I mean, don't you think Mr. Boynton would be interested in taking you to dinner? He's as broke as I am. Faculty payday was pushed back from yesterday to next Monday. Consequently, many of our teachers are feeling the pinch. Not that big handsome French teacher who has a crush on you, I bet. Mr. LeBlanc, he often addresses me in French at school, Mrs. Davis. Then he smiles at me as if I understood. Then I smile at him as if he's right. I should tell him I don't understand the word he's saying. No, you shouldn't. That's your angle, Connie. But I think you do understand until you can wangle a dinner invitation out of him. Are you out of your mind, Mrs. Davis? That would be utterly deceitful. All right, dear, but you have only $0.45, and you're going to be awfully hungry around dinner time. I think I'll let him order me a cup of onion soup. I don't swim very well. $100 bill, Harriet. Miss Brooks found $100. That's right, Mr. LeBlanc. Oh, but please don't tell Miss Brooks, I told you. I will not bring it to a soul. You are aware that the faculty checks are late, Harriet, and as you undergraduates would put it, I am fractured. I don't know how I am to eat dinner tonight. I do not know. Where I back in my native village in France, this would not be a problem, for they are now celebrating the day of C'est à la fin de débourser. What in the world is that? Well, it is somewhat comparable to your Sadie Hawking's day in this country, a day on which the woman goes after the man, not for marriage, of course, just for a date. She then becomes its host for the night. I don't get it. But I will explain. C'est à la fin de débourser, means it is the woman's turn to pay. After dinner, for example, it is not the man, but the woman who pays the check. I think that's cute. I like it. Back home, you see, I would simply get myself a date, and she would say for my dinner. Oh, but where am I to find such a woman in this country? Oh, good morning, Mr. LeBlanc. A bonjour, I mean. Bonjour. Bonjour. Harriet, Miss Brooks and I, news Emerion et her soul. I beg your pardon? That is French, meaning we would like to be alone. Oh, don't mind me, I'll just... You heard him, news Emerion et her soul, and pronto. All right, Miss Brooks, bye now. Miss Brooks, I am honored that you should drop into my classroom. What can I do for you, my dear? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. How marvelous you look. Simply magnificent. You look good enough to eat. What time? Forgive me, an association of ideas, Mr. LeBlanc. Silly, but when you mentioned the word eat, I suddenly realized that I don't have a dinner date for this evening. You do not? What a coincidence. Pardon? I do not myself either have a dinner date, too. I do not myself neither, also. Miss Brooks, this is too good to be true. By now I thought surely you would have been invited, Mr. Boynton. Oh, I believe he has a prior commitment with a lonesome frog. Anyway, I wouldn't be interested in dining with Mr. Boynton. Just between us, he bores me. Mr. Boynton? But why? Well, he just doesn't have the continental qualities that I like in a man. During dinner, he always talks to me in English. English. Kill me, but when I'm eating, there's nothing like kicking around the little French talk. What a coincidence. Ah, I find it more stimulating during the dinner than having a friendly conversation in my own language. You're playing our song. Ah, you know, Miss Brooks, I enjoy your company very much. Nothing could make me happier than to have dinner with you tonight, but I hesitate to suggest it. Oh, go on, take your crack at it. Well, the reason for my reluctance is that in the little French village from which I come, they are celebrating the day of C'est à la femme de Debussy. You're kidding. Well, what do you know? This morning, the one with Marilyn de Gaulle on it. What a coincidence. You know, of all the French holidays, C'est à la femme de Debussy happens to be my favorite. You know about it, Miss Brooks. You know, then, that C'est à la femme de Debussy means that... Please, you don't have to explain French to me, Mr. Le Blanche. What do you think I am, a square? A thousand pardons for myself. Oh, that's better. I simply can't bear the thought of your not having a dinner date on a great day like this, Mr. Le Blanche. Why not have dinner with me and we'll observe C'est à la femme de Debussy just as it's being celebrated in your native village. You mean it? Oh, merci, merci. You have made me very happy. Ah, mademoiselle, I kiss your hand, please. Oh, oh, but perhaps I'm being selfish, Miss Brooks. Perhaps you don't like this kissing. I don't. Who said, loco, blend de français? Pardon? That's Spanish, meaning, oh, you crazy mixed-up Frenchman. Since C'est à la femme de Debussy means it is the woman's turn to pay, Miss Brooks will pay my dinner check. But blissfully unaware and broke, having just blown her last 45 cents on the blue plate lunch, Armis Brooks has joined the bashful biologist at his table in the school cafeteria. Her opening remark was clearly designed to ignite the fires of jealousy. I have a dinner date with Mr. Le Blanche. Gosh, I'm certainly envious, Miss Brooks. You are, Mr. Boyton, are you? Naturally. To think that I haven't enough money for dinner, you two will be eating like pigs. New romantic fool, you. In view of the many dates we've had, I should think you'd show some resentment at my dating another man. Resentment? Why? Well, because that's why I happen to have feelings. Don't you realize that I'm a woman, a girl? Well, that's a silly thing to ask me, Miss Brooks. I knew you were a girl the first day I saw you. What tipped you off, Mr. Boyton? Was I wearing pink booties? Now, look, let's not be sarcastic. Let me simply say that I'm very happy for you and Mr. Le Blanche. Me, I couldn't even afford to buy myself lunch. It's that bad? Oh, well, incidentally, this blue plate special I ordered will go to waste, I'm afraid. Unless perhaps you'd be interested in it, would you? Would I? Thanks. Gosh, a hot bologna sandwich with chicken fat. Boy, I love chicken fat. Say, that's Walter Denton heading this way, Miss Brooks, I'll pull over a chair for him. Greetings, old fairly flower in Madison's garden. It'll be that I could spend my hours busily buzzing about your blooming beauty. Home the bees out of your teeth and sit down, Junior. Yeah, merci beaucoup, seniorita. Ehren go bra, Freyline. Miss Brooks and I were just discussing her dinner date with Mr. Le Blanche, Walter. Well, some people can afford to eat, and some can't, I always say. Eh, here I am without a farthing to my name. My pop's away on a business trip, and my mom's going to the campfire girls' meeting tonight with Mrs. Conklin and Harriet. Hence, I shall have to scrounge around the kitchen, seeking tiny morsels with which the flies may not yet have fled. I'm in the same boat. I'm afraid we'll go hungry tonight, Walter, unless someone invites us to dinner. Say, that's a brilliant idea, Miss Brooks. Pardon? Yeah, suppose we join you and Mr. Le Blanche at La Martinique. Huh? Well, I don't believe Mr. Le Blanche would care for that idea. Well, would it be all right with you, Miss Brooks? Well, yes. Well, if it's okay with you, I'm sure it'll be okay with Mr. Le Blanche. But just ask him if he says no, okay. Fair enough? Fair enough. I'll run up to his classroom. See you, Walter. Bye, Mr. Boynton. Bye now. Mr. Boynton, when I say goodbye, must you leave my hand dangling in midair? Oh! Oh, gosh. Do I have no idea you wanted me to kiss your hand? Well, it's my fault. I would have dipped it in chicken fat. If it is all right with you, Miss Brooks, it is certainly all right with me. Oh, thank you, Mr. Le Blanche. Believe me, one's money cannot be better spent than on food for those who are hungry. Believe me, I believe you. You're so kind, so unselfish. I know you'd hope we'd be dining alone, Mr. Le Blanche, just the two of us, you and me, we, us and... Now, with Walter and Mr. Boynton, there'll be quite a group. Well, if that is your wish, it is mine also. The more, the merrier. You know, Miss Brooks, in my native village, the celebrants of C'est à la fin de débourser are already swinging into an evening of mad revelry. Evening? We. Between here and my homeland, you see, there is a six hour difference in time. They are merely making us begun, but we will catch up with them. Oh, oui. Ah, ce sera une nuit dont je me souviendrai longtemps. Oui, oui. Et pour cela, je vous devrai une affection et une gratitude éfermère. Oui, oui. I'll fight it out on this line if it takes all winter. Va vous remercier d'avoir tout facilité. Oui. Oui, oui. Whoops. In conversing with the Frenchman, Miss Brooks, an occasional no is advisable. Why, Mr. Conklin, I didn't hear you come in, sir. Ah, I had an idea these new rubber souls would pay off. Excuse me, Mr. Cocklin, I must go to the cloakroom to shop and dispense it for my next class. You go sharpen the Miss Brooks, I'd like a word with Mr. Leblanc. Ah, but... On your horse, mademoiselle. Ja sahib. Now then, my wife and daughter are to attend the campfire girls' meeting this evening, Mr. Leblanc, I must therefore make plans for dinner. Dinner? Oui. You and me. Us. I hate to dine alone, so I thought you and I might find a nice cafeteria and go Dutch treat. I'm sorry, Mr. Conklin, but I have already been spoken for. That is, I am to have dinner with Miss Brooks, along with Mr. Boynton and Walter Denton, and it will be her treat. Her treat? You mean you're going to stick a woman with the cheque? Oh, no, it is a quaint custom in my homeland, you see. This is the day of set à la femme de Debussy, which means it is the woman's turn to pay. Besides, it will not harm Miss Brooks, for she will pay the cheque with found money. Yesterday, she found a hundred dollars. Nevertheless, when the priceless heritage of Yankee chivalry is so shamelessly and wantonly a hundred dollars, you say... Oh, you luscious French dinner, come to us, they Conklin. I think that the holidays are... So, this is the fabulous La Martinique. Kill swanky joint. I can't make head or tail of this menu. Everything's in French. Miss Brooks alone will win the menu, Mr. Boynton. Pardon? On set à la femme de Debussy's date, is the custom that the woman shall order for the party. Gaston? Oui, monsieur, à votre service. Miss Brooks will order for the group, Gaston. Go on, mademoiselle. Oui, señor, monsieur. Well, let's see. It's an interesting menu, isn't it? Say, this sounds very nice. Garage gratuite à l'arrière. Eh, madame, that means free-pucking in the rear. Yes, sounds very nice. Let's remember to pull in there next time, Mr. Conklin. Oui, oui, monsieur. But what shall we eat? Well, I'm working on that. Let's see now. Cochon Provençal. Eh, garçon. Oui, madame. How? I hope I shouldn't say where, is the Cochon Provençal. Oh, that is delicious. Take it easy, Miss Brooks. That's listed on the menu at four dollars. Oh, I hadn't noticed. Do you mind, Mr. Le Blanc? Me? Oh, not at all, my dear. Just remember, ça va beaucoup de chair. Oh, fine. Well, we'll have five orders of that, garçon. Oh, excellent. You will please do the honors of pouring the cognac, Mr. Le Blanc. Cognac? When we came in, Miss Brooks, I mentioned to the waiter that we are celebrating C'est à la fin de le procédé. He knows that on this day it is customary to serve cognac before the meal. Oh, of course. I plum for God. Well, just pour three of them, Mr. Le Blanc. Walter and I will drink plain water. Down the hatch, as they say, gentlemen. I propose a toast to our host, to Miss Brooks, who is so kind to us on this day of C'est à la fin de le procédé, which as we all know means, it is the woman's turn to pay. What, what happened? I bit my glass. I don't get it, Miss Brooks. The waiter tries to present the check. You order more food. Yes. What are you so nervous about? Me? Who's nervous? I'm not nervous. Check me down. Ah! Not yet, Garcon. I see it's only 5.45. Bring us some crepes du Zet. Well done. Pour another round of cognac, Mr. Le Blanc. None for us. I don't drink, you know. Oh, but you ordered crepes du Zet, Miss Brooks. They are cooked in cognac, you know. Are they? Well, I suppose it's better to have eaten crepes du Zet than never to have gotten loaded at all. Now, see here, Miss Brooks, I couldn't for the life of me eat another morsel. Could you persist in stalling the check? Stalling the check? Don't be absurd. It's 6 o'clock, I see. Fine. You may leave the check on the table, Garcon, and come back in a few minutes. Oui, madame. As you wish. Well, gentlemen, I'm delighted that you all enjoyed yourselves, and now I have a little speech. A speech, Miss Brooks? Splendid. A speech, a speech. Gentlemen, because of a six-hour time difference, the time in Mr. Le Blanc's native village is now one minute after midnight, and since Set à la Femme de la Boussée Day is over, here is the check, and the happy day after Set à la Femme de la Boussée Day to you all. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Brooks, powering you, Bob, and Grant, with the position elected by Larry Burns. It's by Joe Culler, and with the music is overhead. Mr. Compton was played by Gail Gorton. Others in tonight's cast were Dick Crenna, Jane Morgan, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, Maurice Marsec, and Peter Leeds.