 Free things that happen before the narcissist returns. The narcissist discarded you because the relationship became more of a problem than a convenience. You no longer validated their false self. You no longer believed in their lies and illusions. You questioned and confronted them. You stopped being their emotional punching bag. So you were no longer their doormat. You were no longer their fool and it was no longer beneficial for the narcissists to be around you. They had to seek out another source of supply. Someone who would be more susceptible to their manipulation, but as we know narcissists have difficulty sustaining their relationships. So when is the narcissist going to return to you? Here are three things that happen before the narcissist returns. Not all of them will happen in your situation. But you should experience at least one of the signs before the narcissist returns. One, the new supply wakes up. Once the new supply wakes up, it's game over for the narcissist. Once the new supply realizes what they're really dealing with and they no longer validate their false self, the narcissist isn't going to want anything to do with them anymore. The narcissist will either discard them or the new supply might discard the narcissist either way. Once this happens, there is a possibility that the narcissist will return to you. If they do not return to you, it's because they've hoovered another supply or they've targeted someone new. But before this happens, the love-bombing phase where the new supply must come to an end, the narcissist must begin devaluing the new supply before they seek out another source. If they decide to hoofig you, you will be their secondary source of supply and then they will finally discard the new supply and move you to the primary position. They will re-idealize you and see you as being perfect again. But of course, this is short-lived. It isn't long until they're devaluing you again and idealizing someone else to your hope and expectations. Before the narcissist returns to you, you must believe that some of the desire will happen. You must feel like they could change. You must still be susceptible to their manipulation. The narcissist isn't going to remain around someone who sees them as a lost cause. They are predators. It's like they have this sixth sense where they know what you're feeling. They know if you think that there's a possibility that they might change. Well, that things might work out and they will prey on your hope and expectations. They will exploit it by making you think that they could be everything that you want to be. As long as you're willing to be their doormat, they will walk all over you. As long as you're willing to be their fool, they will continue returning to you. It's only when you take away your hope and expectations and see them as a lost cause that they will then leave you alone because then you're no longer validating their false self. You're making them feel like they don't exist. You're making them feel like they're nothing special. And they're not going to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. Where they could be humiliated. Where they're at risk of injuring their dignity or pride. So before the narcissist returns to you, they need to know that you're still willing to accept them. They need to know that you're still willing to be a part of their fantasy world. Free. The smear campaign must fall apart. When the narcissist was devaluing you, they were also smearing your name. They were talking to people about you. They portrayed you as this horrible person until everyone began to see you in a certain way. They may have been very protective and supported over the narcissist. They may have tried to keep the narcissist away from you because the narcissist made it look like you were the problem. But by doing this, they ended up shooting themselves in the foot. Because then they couldn't come back to you. If they went back to the person who they said was so bad, then they would look like the fool. And no narcissist wants to look like a fool. They display an exaggerated sense of dignity and self-importance. They have too much pride. So before the narcissist will return to you, the smear campaign must fall apart. The flying monkeys must forget about you and move on with their lives. The narcissist is not going to return while all of their flying monkeys are still watching. There's nothing more important to a narcissist than their image of reputation. That is more important to them than any source of supply. It validates their false self and makes them feel like they exist. And no narcissist is going to choose their source over their false self. If that happened, you would be witnessing the beginning stages of their recovery from narcissism. Which is a nice idea, but it's just not something that's going to happen. So while you may want the narcissist to return to you, you need to take away your hope and expectations because nothing good is going to come out of this. Even if you remain hopeful and you validate their false self, that doesn't mean they're going to treat you right. Even if you're doing everything they want you to do, they will still vocal over you. It will never be enough for them. And you will be left feeling invalidated and unable to take care of yourself. When you finally burn out, they're not going to be there for you. Because they're only there while you've got something to provide. They're like your cheerleaders. They're only supporting you while you're winning. But when you're down, they will be out of there. They will be looking for another source of supply. Someone who they haven't destroyed yet. And they will blame everything that went wrong on you. No matter how much you did for them. Nothing you do will ever be enough to fill the void within the narcissist. You will be running yourself into the ground and they won't have any consideration for you because they're self-absorbed and they lack empathy. They only care about their own needs. You only matter to the narcissist if you have something to give and then they will take everything you've got until you have nothing left. They will drain the life out of you. And then they will blame you for being unable to perform. They will blame you for being unable to give them what they want. Whenever you get involved with a narcissist, you will only end up being bamboozled. You will only end up being deceived by underhand methods. You will only end up confused, frustrated, and throwing off your path and purpose. Everything is a paradox with the narcissist. Everything is a contradiction. The answer can be whatever they want it to be at any given moment. Whatever works best for them and they will throw you into the bus so that they can get ahead. Because you are dealing with a very weak and vulnerable person who will do whatever it takes to feel secure even at the expense of your security. Because they really have no consideration for you and actually by seeing you in a vulnerable position it makes them feel more safe, by seeing you miserable it makes them feel better about themselves. There is no winning with the narcissist. They have a black and white mentality where you are either a winner or a loser. So for them to be the winners you have to lose. You have to be defeated which is why they won't stop until they destroy you. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coaching at narksurvivor.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.