 Hello everybody and welcome to part three in our new series, Understanding the Magdalen. If this is your first time on this channel, first of all welcome. I'm very, very happy to have you, but I would definitely suggest going back and listening to part one and part two first before continuing with part three. Both part one and part two will be down in the description box below. I personally have had such an overwhelming positive response to this series and frankly I had no idea if people would even be interested in doing this series or not, so I am very, very grateful to all of you who have reached out with your words of encouragement. In last week's episode we ended with the darkness about the writer talking about discovering her place back in the beginning, back in the womb of the mother. We also talked about the divine light of sovereignty within each individual person, that spark of God, and we also covered, or started to cover the concepts of twin flames. As the author said so eloquently, Mary Magdalen was the one who loved the Christ the most. That was because Mary Magdalen was and is the twin flame of the person we know as Yahshua or Jesus. In this great awakening we are now understanding that the two of them together made the Christ consciousness. Now as I mentioned in part one ever since I was about 16 years old I've had this relationship with the Magdalen. If you remember from part one I said how her name got stuck in my head when I was a teenager and of course this was long before the internet was accessible to a lot of people, long before I had really any interest in diving deep into these what we call biblical characters. But again throughout my whole life this woman, this mysterious magical woman has been there. A lot of people pointed out last week in the video that there were many orbs around me at a particular time. This is happening more and more frequently not just to me but to other people in this community and I'm sure to you as well. It's easy for us to see these orbs because we're on camera. But again even for those of you who aren't on camera I'm sure that you also have this intense protection and guidance around you. And again as the veil starts to thin and as our own vibrations rise these entities around us will be more visible. Well something interesting I want to share with you guys is that those orbs in my last video apparently were the Magdalen herself. When I found this out I became extremely emotional because a part of me does feel like this is her series and she is the one directing this not me. I'm just the conduit. However going forward I do hope that you and me together that we can bring her legacy, her lineage and her magic back to humanity. So again as most of you know the first part of this series we are reading through Megan Waterson's Mary Magdalen Revealed and if you have the same copy of the book that I have we're going to be starting on page 15 which is titled The Christianity We Haven't Tryed Yet. Then Peter said to him you have been explaining every topic to us. Tell us one other thing. What is the sin of the world? The Savior replied there is no such thing as sin. Mary chapter 3 verse 1 through 3. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I first went to church as a little girl. Yes I do. I was expecting the outside to be like the inside. I wanted the great big unsayable love I felt within me to be seen or witnessed outside of me. Back then before I felt separated from it there was this wide expanse of love inside me like my own private ocean. And so I guess I was expecting for church to be this place where everyone walks around and greets each other from one ocean to another. Their innermost self right there on the surface their inner world rising up from the depths of the breath of fresh air. A place where we can hang our mask at the door and just help each other be human. A place that reminded me how to be here in the world while not forgetting the part of me that is not of it. But that wasn't what it was like. I am not a Christian though I baptized myself many times. Like the fiery Turkish prophetess from the first century, Thakla, who was denied by Paul when she told him that she was ready to be baptized. She said to him only give me the still of Christ and no trial will touch me. But he didn't think she was ready. He told her to be patient. Thakla know her own heart which is why I love her and instead she cut her hair short and baptized herself. I didn't hear about Thakla until I was a young adult in seminary where I learned the acts of Paul and Thakla date back to 70 AD which makes it as ancient as any of the gospels in the New Testament. This was the beginning of my education or my re-education. That what I was searching for was within Christianity but not of it. Thakla wasn't remembered as the first prophetess. Her story didn't set the precedent for the voice of the women in the church hierarchy. It was far too filled with truth we weren't ready for back then because for Thakla salvation was something she found within herself. I absolutely agree with this. This again goes back to the idea of gnosis and again as we've talked about the matrix of religion, the matrix of the church, they don't want you to believe that you can do this yourself which frankly is exactly what Jesus taught. Yahshua taught that you have that inside of you. You are the direct link to source. Nobody else comes through you and as I have said many times when you take your first breath in this world that is between you and God. God breathed life in a man and man stood up. Nobody else is there to give you that breath. The doctors don't give you that breath. Your parents don't give you that breath. God does. So this salvation lies within you. The baptisms in my life which are more accurately just ecstatic skinny dips have come as markers when I feel like I was expressing more faithfully what's within me. When I am no longer denying or silencing this quiet unassuming voice inside of me. I'm not a Christian but I find myself having to make that distinction often or that I need to make certain no one mistakes me as one. I wasn't raised religious. I was raised feminist. My great-grandmother Big Margie who was tiny but had a presence so large it seemed to enter the room before she did was a suffragette. She would whisper crazy comments to me when I sat on her lap like it's fine if you want to become a wife and a mother just make sure you get paid for it. My dad's mom who was the original black sheep of our family. She was very much a feminist. She was a pianist for a very long time. She went to college in an age where women did not go to college or university and she actually graduated valedictorian of her college class. She went back to school later in life became a therapist. She played the piano for church on Sundays but she also had books on reincarnation and she would actually hide them under the bed from my grandfather which is kind of funny. She tried to teach me to meditate when I was like eight years old. My grandmother Marianne on my dad's side was just super cool but she herself had aunts who are suffragettes and she would talk a lot about that about the woman's right to vote the woman's right to work and the funny thing is is even though my grandmother was a huge feminist and was super awake and very much into the metaphysical she was also a republican so I find that that very funny but um I kind of laugh at this because I would hear stories from her about her great aunts who were in the suffragette movement. My mom marched March for Civil Rights Acts and for the Equal Rights Amendment and taught me to protest for women's rights when Roe versus Wade was in danger of being overturned. I was 13 and my little sister was just a toe-headed three-year-old. Her planned parenthood t-shirt came down to her knees. Now I am very much against planned parenthood. I think most of us watching are but again this book was written long before um the Great Awakening started so do keep that in mind as we proceed forward with this book. I was holding her hand when an elderly woman approached me clutching a pro-life poster with an iron grip. She came right up to me until we were awkwardly chest to chest. She hated me. I felt it. It was visceral. I mean she hated who she thought I was. She was so angry as she smoked that small beads of spit landed on my face. She said how many will be enough for you. I had no idea what she was asking me. I wasn't there because I thought I would ever have an abortion myself. I was there because I knew that if anything was holy it was the relationship between myself and my own body. It was too intimate for anyone outside of me to ever shame or control. I've always felt that I would have to rewrite the history of Christianity to officially become a part of it. No I would have to turn back the globe like Superman when Lois Lane dies and make certain they get the message straight from the start or the messages I have come to believe in it. That we are not inherently sinful or unworthy in any way and that we should not feel shame for how human we are or how often we break loose faith and make wildly misguided mistakes. And I actually do agree with that. For most humans, humans who are not psychopaths or narcissists, you will make mistakes in life. You will do bad things but if you're able to use that those mistakes and actually learn from them and grow from them and create wisdom from them, then were they really mistakes? When I went to church for the first time as a little girl and read the Bible I broke out in hives. I couldn't reconcile the feminism I had been raised in with the idea that God was a father and that salvation only came through his son Jesus and therefore men held this exclusive right being the same sex as the father to speak on behalf of him. And we do know from a lot of the missing books of the Bible that Yahshua, Jesus actually referred to God as father-mother. We definitely see a lot of this in the Apocryphon of John which we spoke about last week which she speaks about in this book as well. So of course as we're learning with this inversion of the divine feminine which we see from the other side being the pathomet that that was completely distorted by the dark cult in order to create God as a masculine energy when God isn't human at all and in fact it encompasses both energies and then as humans we share with the counterpart if that makes sense. Our body never lies and I got a baringly clear message written in red rashes across my skin that this was a system of belief that doesn't match what existed within me so I left the church. Physically I marched out of the first Unitarian church of Cleveland but the turmoil the anger as well as the fierce love and longing it went right along with me. I spent many years at seminary searching through the church's history for when women were silenced for how the pope happened and all these male cardinals in red and why a popess could not even be imagined. I searched for stories and the voices that have been edited out or in the case of Mary Magdalene's gospel torn apart and buried. I remember the first time I let a retreat about the gospel of Mary and started the passage with there is no such thing as sin. We were sitting in a circle so I could see the immediate response every face lit up with equal amounts of shock and excitement. There is nothing inherently sinful about being human I explained. There is nothing sinful about the body or sex or sexuality. Being human is in a punishment or something we need to endure or transcend. Being human is the whole point. We just also don't want to forget or miss the mark which is how the word for sin translates from Greek by mistaking ourselves and others as only this body. We are this body yes and all the raging humanity it demands and also we are this soul both. Again this goes back to the Yoga Sutras which a lot of the Gnostic Gospels mirror the Yoga Sutras of Patangeline where if you are falling along with that series you know the three superstars of the Yoga Sutras are Prakriti Purusha and Ishvara. Prakriti being nature or your body. Purusha being your eternal soul and Ishvara being God and of course the whole point of the Yoga Sutras is actually the definition of sin which I've known that the original meaning of sin was to miss the mark and that is that we confuse who we are eternally with who we are in nature in body and in life so this is absolutely a direct mirror of what we're seeing in the Yoga Sutras. One of the women in the circle was in tears. I knew from what she had shared during the treat that she was from Ireland raised religious and that she had been sexually abused as a child. The warmth radiating from her made me fall madly in love. I'll never forget that joy beaming out of her eyes through her tears like headlights switched to high beams and I can't remember if she said this at the retreat or later when she joined my spiritual community the red ladies but it struck me because it wasn't what I had intended when I began to talk about Mary's Gospel. I just wanted to share and discuss Mary Magdalene's teachings but she said you've reminded me of the Christ I knew before I went to church. Liz and I have spoken about this kids already come in knowing God knowing the Christ consciousness then we send them to church and they get disconnected from God and from the Christ consciousness. For me finding Mary Magdalene's voice her gospel was like finally attending that church I had imagined church would be like as a little girl a place where we're not trying to be better than anyone else or to be better than who we are in that moment everyone no matter who we are and everything is included especially the body. I am not Christian but I recently came across a quote from the English philosopher and lay theologian GC Chesterton that sums up what I have come to believe Christianity isn't a failure it just hasn't been tried yet. I like that Christianity isn't a failure it just hasn't been tried yet so I'm not a Christian or if I am it's a Christianity that we haven't tried yet one that includes Mary Magdalene. It's the Christianity that existed before the church let me read that again it's the Christianity that existed before the church which is the whole point of my missing books on the Bible series I'm way more interested to know what that faith was like before the church was created because from my research from my understanding what the true Christianity looks like is nothing what the church provides it's the church's doors are ripped off at the Hengins it's the Christianity that includes all that has been left out. So now we're starting the second session how a feminist sees an angel. The Savior replied there is no such thing as sin rather you yourselves are what produces sin when you act in accordance with nature of adultery which is called sin for this reason the good came among you pursuing the good which belongs to every nature this is from the gospel of Mary chapter 3 verses 3 through 5 there was a legend that Mary Magdalene was lifted up seven times a day by the angels she lived in a cave in the south of France where she had escaped persecution after her brother Lazarus was beheaded further south in Mary self okay so um this is something that we're finding isn't actually true I don't believe Lazarus was actually the Magdalene's brother um maybe but I think we're learning that that was Mary Bethany that that was her brother and Mary Bethany if you remember from the Acts of Philip was Philip's wife and also we're a little bit unsure about the actual location that Mary went to after the supposed execution of her husband the Christ that again is information that will probably be held back for another day we know that things have definitely been manipulated and um yeah so I just want you guys to keep that in mind now of course this is the official story we have that she went to the south of France and she started the Cathars which I do believe she did but I don't know how accurate the location actually is so just hold on to that and know that again this book was written long before the Great Awakening and so there are probably going to be a lot of things in here that I don't really agree with anymore so I'm just going to put that out there supposedly she had been preaching and ministering there in France for the years following Christ's crucifixion and for the last 30 years of her life she remained in this cave where angels gathered her up and transported her to the peaks of the mountain range to the rare filled air where their messages could be heard more clearly and the artistic depictions of this legend Mary Magdalene is held literally physically by a bevy of angels wings surrounded her body and her hands were pressed to her heart and her gaze directed even further upward for example an Italian Renaissance artist painting of this legend Mary Magdalene's body is covered only by her long red hair and lifted up by the four angels her hands pressed together in prayer now let's talk about the red hair because somebody did comment that and I'm not saying her hair wasn't red but from information we've we've stumbled upon she actually was blonde again who knows we know that she definitely was not Middle Eastern looking again we know she was very Greek from what I understand from my own research her father ruled Egypt through the Ptolemy line which was the Cleopatra Mark Anthony line and again the Ptolemy line is Greek going back to Alexander the Great and so I think her hair might have actually been blonde to be honest with you guys but we'll see I think Mary was lifted seven times a day by the angels but I also think we've deeply misunderstood what this scene represents if we can find our way back to this legend in Mary Magdalene's story seeing with a new sense perceiving with the eyes of a heart we'll remember a truth so many of us have forgotten we'll remember that this scene isn't unique to Mary Magdalene it's the vision of a path that's possible for all of us we'll remember that this artistic rendering of Mary Magdalene is actually a depiction of an inner transformation of the very real and formidable terrain we cross in order to know who we really are and we'll remember that an angel is simply a thought that lifts us up from out of ourselves from out of those cages the ego would prefer us to remain within I get what she's saying but I also believe angels are actual entities as well because I've seen a few in my life if this is all you've read if you put down this book at the end of this sentence know that this is the most important message of Mary's gospel that we are inherently good now if you're still with me that goodness can never be lost we can feel lost to it but it is woven into the fabric of who we are it is our nature goodness and the word for me that describes this experience of knowing this inherit inherited goodness is soul the word soul to me describes that eternal aspect of our being an aspect that allows us to feel loved and to experience that we are love and that our humanity is not intrinsically sinful or shameful this human body is the soul's chance to be here that I agree with when I see a painting of a winged being decked in Greek togas are naked with golden halos above their heads lifting up Mary Magdalene I see this as a symbolic depiction of an inner transformation I see it as an artistic expression of a very intimate moment when Mary chooses love from within her these angels lifting her up and so many of these paintings to me are actually meeting her in her heart taking her from out of that despair or lack of forgiveness or the envy that's oppressing her and bringing her back against the good to God angels are the thoughts the memories the sensation of love they are whatever comes and shifts us from being lost within ourselves to sing again not with the ego but with the eye of the heart sin and Mary's gospel is not about a long list of moral or religious law it's not about the wrong action sin is simply forgetting the truth and the reality of the soul and then acting from that forgetful state the body then the human body isn't innately sinful sin is when we believe we are only this body these insatiable needs these desires and fears the ego conjures sin is an adultery or an illegitimate mixing a mistake of the ego for the true self rather than remembering that the true self is the soul again this is very much very much what the yoga sutras teach us the soul lives in the silence the stillness we have to meet with inside of us which can make it harder to hear and to find words are the ego's favorite outfits words are how the ego breathes and fuels the flames of thoughts that start replaying inside us from the second we wake up our capacity to see the truth that we are sinless that we are good has nothing to do with the eyes so why four angels and why seven times a day i think perceiving the good takes practice and i think we need help getting to that place above the mountains deep within our heart that reminds us of what is good especially in a world or within a heart that has been shattered and has long since fallen apart luke chapter eight verses one through three is the first passage in the new testament when we hear mary magdalene's name this is the passage i mentioned that claims she was healed of seven demons but that for me confirms her mastery of the seven powers she describes in this gospel and again as i said last week i think that story is absolutely not what's written in the book of luke um she was basically attacked for her light is what i now know that story is by seven men pope gregarys amily 33 with its interpretations of mary as the prostitute took off like the hottest possible gossip as we can imagine and still reigns as truth today according to harvard scholar dr karen king the reason for the popularity of the pope's view on mary and why it has held the collective imagination for nearly two millennia is because it served the early church fathers this fiction solved two problems at once by undermining both the teachings associated with mary and the woman's capacity to take on leadership roles ding ding ding ding because we know the church is not a christian church in the original sense of what mary magdalene and yashua taught but it's actually a satanic church so they want to invert everything okay and this is what it's still at stake with the vision of mary from the first century to the 21st century woman's spiritual authority within the church has been hard one opposed and flat out rejected the last time mary is mentioned in the new testament is in john 20 when christ rises from the empty tomb to her to say her name she is the one with the eyes that can perceive him she had abilities she could see again she she was magic hermentias this is a word that changed everything for me and divinity school and in seminary it means in theology the lens you use in order to read or interpret scripture the theological term for interpreting scripture is exegious you use a certain interpretive lens every time you translate a piece of scripture we all do pope gregarie did and that is absolutely true i've told you guys that with the osutras where you are in your own spiritual development with your soul is how you're going to perceive text especially in sacred teachings when i read scripture i interpret it with a feminist viewpoint i am reading a text from the perspective that we are all equally divine and human what do i mean by feminist there is this quote i came across as a budding teen feminist by a poet and self-professed warrior audrey lord that made this holy fire race through me as i read it i am not free while any woman is unfree even if her shackles are very different from my own feminism isn't real or without a device agenda unless it refers to all women and thanks to the seminal work the discourse on the veil i am an i am a feminist who trusts that each woman has her own criteria of what it means to be free i don't think freedom is uniform and looks the same for everyone freedom is personal it is explained in the veil that the western feminist were trying to free muslim women from wearing a veil without realizing that actually for many muslim women it provided a freedom that feminist women in the west couldn't appreciate true freedom means having the power to define what being free means in our own lives the brilliant sociologist patricia hill collins defines the term inter sectionality coined by kimberley crenshaw as the reality that all women are not oppressed equally there are intersecting factors that increase or decrease the amount of privilege and power a woman experiences depending on for example her race class and economic stat status sexuality education level and nationality unless my spirituality is intersectional it's just oppression dressed in light a feminist theologian then for me means i believe that every human being is equal parts ego and soul and therefore worthy of the same right i believe it would do as much harm to call god mother as it has been to call god father for countless centuries it perpetrates this misunderstanding that any one of us could be greater or less than the other it feels important to keep expanding our views our vision on what's good our god and what's holy and sacred because only then as the mystic william blake in the marriage of heaven and hell explains if the doors of perception are cleansed everything would appear as it is and i absolutely agree with her like that's why i don't actually consider myself to be a feminist because the feminist movement has been inverted and has been distorted um i'm not looking to be the same as a man or better than a man my high school english teacher that honors english teacher mr saunders said that once a true feminist is not trying to be identical to a man she just wants to be equal to one i believe we're all equal but as a woman as a feminine woman i have my roles and as the alpha to my omega that divine masculine also has his roles as well and they're different but they're equal and i agree with what she's saying there we can't call god mother either it's mother father it's both it's both the divine feminine is not better than the divine masculine and the divine masculine is not better than the divine feminine they are equal and again that got distorted with the story of yasha and the magdalene they were equal they were both the christ consciousness one could not exist without the other this brings us to the next section the secret ministry of the courier bell the mystery which unites two beings is great without it the world would not exist the gospel of philip which again we have read through i will link the dark outpost playlist down in the description box below if you want to read through some of these books with us that we've already gone through as far as the missing gospels are concerned every year at least once i read the whole book all 400 pages of it to get to the very end the part in jane air when jane hears mr rochester's voice as if in the wind as if from within her at age 13 the first year i read it it was the most electrifying and magical idea that love somehow gives us access to superhuman powers that defy the laws of space and time jane air was published in 1847 by courier bell a pseudonym for charlotte bronte used to obscure the fact that she was female bronte's father patrick was an irish priest and clergyman as a woman of course she couldn't follow in his footsteps or at least not exactly the spiritual overturns and commentaries about christianity were threaded throughout the novel and entirely unveiled charlotte seems to have found her way to preach through her pen she helped me realize that not all ministers have a church and that maybe women have never really been missing from the pulpit they just found other mediums and other means there are so many women who were never ordained or acknowledged as a spiritual authority yet there seems to be a higher law that adrains their voices as among the most holy listen to the love drenched words of sojourner truth who stood up at the woman's right convention in 1863 and immortalized her voice because the truth she dared to share then that little man in black there pointing to a priest he says woman can't have as much rights as men because christ wasn't a woman where did your christ come from where did your christ come from from god and a woman man had nothing to do with him actually man did have something to do with them because we know the whole birth story of yasha was an inversion as well it was supposed to be a dark cult uh r a p e uh with the inky bus and a succubus and uh yeah that that is that is he actually came from joseph too but he was birthed through the womb of mary so i get what she's saying here jane air was the first book among many that i read like scripture because my body with its hives couldn't handle the bible i realized that would be feminist ministers and priests and bishops have been spread all out all over and all genres and in all places both sacred and secular our spiritual voices were hidden in plain daylight in print and in places where our ideas of religion of christ and mary magdalene were accepted because we passed them off as fiction let me set the scene jane has suffered greatly from the absence of love in her life for her whole life her love mr rochester she realizes too late has a first wife who lives in the addict as a mad woman i believe she suffered far greater jane's parents die of typhus when she's a little girl so jane is raised by her aunt mrs sarah read who torments jane by treating her like a burden and by loving her own three children in front of jane yet refusing to extend that love to her as well jane's only consolation is in her love of her books the day arrives however when jane is fed up her cousin john has hit her and belittled her to the point of humiliation one too many times he strikes her hard enough that she is thrown to the ground jane snaps and sets on john like a wild feral monkey bloody nosed and crying john tells mrs read and with disgust mrs read orders that jane be locked in the red room this is the room where her uncle had died jane bangs her fist against the door and begs to be released the red room is where she finally expresses all her rage and anger for being so mistreated and so misunderstood she screams and cries and eventually becomes so upset she passes out her aunt sends her off to low wood a harsh boarding school for orphans run by the sinister mr brockelhorst who humiliates jane on her first day by forcing her to stand on her chair with a sign around her neck that reads liar the only little girl to offer her a smile and letter and later a piece of bread is the red headed helen burns this one gesture is their communion it seems small but for jane it's a feast to finally have a real friend helen teaches jane that there is an invisible world a kingdom of spirits all around them and when helen finds herself at the mercy of mr brockelhorst christian ethics of shame and mortification by demanding that helen's gorgeous red hair be sheared off jane is there to offer her the same true love and companionship she cuts her hair off in solidarity with her fast forward to jane hired as a governess at thornfield hall and for the first time in her life she knows love she has met her match in mr rochester the one who treats her as his equal the mad woman in the attic is revealed dramatically at the wedding of mr rochester's wife jane is saved by st john and his two sisters who are the who are the opposite side of the brother and sister she was tormented by while growing up they nurse her back to health after she arrives at their doorstep soaking wet and wordless from a broken heart and a nervous breakdown and whereas her cousin john beat her and never showed her kindness her redemptive brother st john a minister wants to provide her with a new life a life of service at some time together he asked her to go to india with him on a christian mission he wants to marry her jane considers the mission but refuses to marry and this is when it happens jane hears mr rochester and i've always considered it significant that it starts with her heart it all starts with her attention being drawn to it it begins to beat quickly to the point that she can suddenly hear it throbbing loudly when jane says her heart went still as if expecting something thrilling to pass through like an electric shock jane describes eye and ear waited while the flesh quivered on my bones jane jane jane this is what she hears but she doesn't know where the voice came from she only knows that this voice is the one and only voice she longed to hear the most she calls out to mr rochester to wait for her and she immediately goes to her room to pray not in the way that st john prays charlotte bronte or fearabelle relates but in a way that's all her own and just as effective and because of this moment this mystical connection they share jane returns to mr rochester he confirms for her that he had called out her name three times just as she had heard when the gospel of philip says the mystery which unites two beings is great this is the scene i think of from jane air it's a mystery how jane hears him at such a distance but seemingly within her how could she be so far from him and at the same time never left him at all and it makes me think of christ and mary that we've underestimated the mystery that unites him that we've been witnessing it and ourselves and others all along and that we've slowly been acquired a vision that can perceive just how sacred human love is and how world saving it can become maybe this is the secret ministry of carrier cell whoo so um gosh that's so powerful it goes also into this idea of telepathy and again this goes back to the twin flame thing i know for me i've been experiencing a lot of telepathy lately like a lot of telepathy and i myself have been practicing with it too with people that i know in my life and and will confirm whether you know there was communication or not and it goes back to that heart center and the fact that souls are united together and i i gotta go back to christ and mary this is a huge twin flame topic one that's big for our timeline now because the dark cult wants to keep the twins apart because there is a vibration there there is a frequency there that the magma in the christ had two you know one of the biggest myths of twin flames is that your higher self is your twin flame that's not true at all that is not true um you a twin flame is a say is it's the same soul that splits into the divine feminine and divine masculine and um it doesn't mean as taylor moon says it doesn't mean that you're not whole by yourself you're holy whole by yourself and your higher self is an extension of your half of your soul it's like those um you know those best friend uh necklaces that you would get that'd be like a heart that one would wear one one would wear the other that's that's basically what a twin flame is the necklace with the half is whole in itself is a necklace and you as the person wearing it or whole as yourself just as the other half is whole but then when you connect them together they make that that whole heart so your higher self is not your twin flame it's just a higher expression of your half of the soul okay this brings us to the next section Leviticus in bunny slippers jesus said when you make the two into one you will become children of humanity and when you say mountains move from there it will move the gospel of thomas again this is going back to the whole timeline shift with the twin flames coming together and the fact the dark cult we have just now figuring this out we are the storm it's the twin flames that are the storm and they're trying everything they can to keep those powers from connecting together because when two because just as the gospel of thomas says when you make the two into one you will become the children of humanity and when you say mountains move from here it will move that's the power of that energy mrs. von cleffenberg shuffled around the house in the in a moo moo in pink bunny slippers she spoke in a whisper as she pointed out the kitchen in the backyard with its odd rock garden and then our bedrooms my friend shana was given her son's old room it's spelled faintly of gym socks and it had dark blue walls with tiny sad single bed i got the immediate creeps and from the look on shana's face she did too i was given her daughter's old room which was all the way down the beige shag carpeted hall it had big windows that face the red rock mesas in the distance and a soft pink comforter on a large double bed i tried to control my sigh of relief at the sight of it and just smiled back and mrs. von cleffenberg who was already smiling with an ominous zeal back at me shane and i were high school seniors taking part in an internship through a nonprofit that allowed us to volunteer on the navajo reservation in gallup new mexico the von cleffenbergs were our host for the summer we had never lived outside of our secular homes so the bible reading before dinner completely freaked us out mr. von cleffenberg had asked his wife to read a passage from leviticus to us she stood up on her seat and read with such fever and excitement about the 76 things that are banned from christians to do and what the penalty is if they're done for example bringing an unauthorized fire before god leviticus 10 1 god in this case will smite you leviticus 18 2 having sex with a man as one does with a woman this merits death also as mrs. von cleffenberg stood on her dining room chair in the in her moomoo and bunny slippers announcing the list of all the do not ever do's for the truly faithful shane and i only needed one glance at each other from across the table and we know shana was moving into my room every morning without fail i would wake to the sound of a small pamphlet being shoved under the door and sliding across the wood floor the first morning shana got out of bed and took one look at it and said jesus christ we were both from an area of east cleveland with a large jewish population so neither of us have been exposed to the come to jesus intervention like this one the pamphlet was titled the bridge to jesus it had a picture on the cover of a woman with her arms up her face clearly in excruciating pain apparently from the raging flames all around and on the inside of the little missive it declared that we were sinners but rejoice because we were only but rejoice because we only needed to ask for salvation and claiming jesus christ as our lord and then we would be saved otherwise it was eternal damnation it's screaming and full on flames messes received gordon house was our guide around the navajo reservation we were told that he was awaiting a trial for a drunk driving and vehicle homicide we had no idea that gordon house was a household name at this point in new mexico his dui case would eventually be taken to the supreme court and we had no idea that we would be watching a dateline episode about him when we would return home that next fall the summer we were with him was the last one gordon house had on the reservation before before being sentenced to 22 years in jail the fatal crash happened on christmas eve he testified that he drank seven beers that night but that his confusion was from a migraine not alcohol he'd a documented history of migraines and was treated with traditional navajo medicine he was on his way to the medicine man he thought he was on the access road which went parallel to it in the opposite direction of the interstate he wasn't he wasn't though and he hit a car carrying a family of christian missionaries head on the impact killed a mother and her three young daughters gordon house was the first in his family to have a master's degree he was an air force veteran and had been a social worker from the navajo nation at the time of the accident he was the director of the house of hope which offered substance abuse counseling to navajo teenagers he was deeply respected in his community and his pride in that navajo people was palatable our days in glute new mexico looks something like this in the mornings sheina and i would be reminded of the eternal life or eternal damnation that awaited us and that all hinged on our choice to either repent and come to jesus or continue to live our lives in sin a little eggs and bacon on the side and then we would volunteer at the adolescent shelter for navajo children whose parents or caregivers were in rehab for substance the kids called us bill agana it sounded like it would translate into into english as something like pretty girl gordon formed me with a slight smile that my translation was incorrect we were being called white girl sheina and i sheina and i as volunteers would mostly listen to the children tell stories their imaginations were so vibrant then i mentioned this to gordon he explained there is no word for imagination navajo a dream or what we can imagine holds equal weight to what happens in real life yeah y'all yeah for sure i've been having like memories in my dreams about actually coming who actually coming to the world in this way i will remember like recently in my dreams i've been remembering coming down to do this life so absolutely after work garden gordon after work gordon would pick us up at the von cloppenberg's and immerse us in navajo culture he took us to places that the navajo considered sacred into the sites of horrific battles where the navajo lost their fight to save their land from the american people and he told us about the stolen generations of navajo children taken from their families to the government funded christian boarding schools where they weren't allowed to speak their own language where they were abused and taught to be ashamed of who they are gordon let us participate in ceremonial sweat lodge in a traditional rangeance and there was something about being in a sacred circle that taught me the most essential spiritual truth there is no hierarchy in the spiritual world the people i sat in circle with in the sweat lodge chanted with let's say with cried with and sweated for hours and hours with and the people i danced in circle with in the rain dance called out to the ancestors with and praised the earth together with the souls of our feet were all strangers and different from me yet they were strangers that moved me to tears strangers i loved as i stole glances at them in the heat of the sweat lodge in the sobering cold of the rain dance because they reminded me of what i've had forgotten we are all connected there is no hierarchy in the spiritual world there is just this circle where the first becomes the last and the last becomes the first when you make the two into one that line from the gospel of thomas means to me that when you're no longer separating yourself from anyone else when you are not making yourself in the constant ticker tape of ideas that stream through the mind out to be better or more often worse than anyone else then you're able to see the ultimate connection that exists between us when you make the two into one to me describes it in in an internal state that affects every relationship when you make the ego and soul into one you can no longer divide yourself from others and this is what moves mountains are deeply held most immovable beliefs we unify ourselves in love the von clausenbergs drove us to the airport in albuquerque at the end of our stay it was the longest two hours of my young life i can still see the art look of anxiety and fear on mrs von clausenberg's face when she begged us from the fronts of the seat to repent her typical fervor for jesus was even more amped up because of her mistaken idea that shane and i were sleeping together for romantic reasons rather than the fact that we were just terrified of her i wanted to tell her what i felt burning inside of me to say since that first pamphlet was shoved under our bedroom door i felt a raw terrifying anger and witnessing the hypocrisy of religion that sees itself so far above and set apart from others it can justify genocide but it felt like i might morph into a dragon if i opened my mouth and i wasn't sure when or if i'd morph back it was a rage that i didn't know how to express yet without feeling like i'd be consumed by it i never said a word to her but it felt like this tiny truest part of me was yelling at mrs von clausenberg and her jesus from the back seat it felt like i could hear this hot molten lava core of what i'd ardently believed with an evangelical fervor equals to hers it felt like i matched her level of crazy with my own as it sounded something like this i feel sorry for you that your god is so small that your god has such a fragile ego he'll send us all to hell if we don't believe in him and that your jesus only loves his own followers people who have surrendered over everything to him like some power hungry twisted cult leader i think you've missed the whole point you've mistaken god for power i think whoever the hell jesus was he was about love i think jesus was about a love that's the opposite of power this brings us to the second power on page 33 in my book which is called craving the girl who baptized herself in the tumultuous time immediately after christ's crucifixion christianity is seen as a forbidden religion it's illegal to be christian yet this crazy devoted man named paul is traveling from village to village telling stories about his experience of christ he happens to stop in a small village where a 17 year old named fecla lives she can hear paul from her bedroom window and she is riveted she remains at her window for three days and three nights as paul recounts his misadventures with christ something begins to unravel for her or something that had always existed within her suddenly races to the surface and in those three days her life is transformed her fiance begs her to come away from the window he tells her that she should be ashamed for directing her love away from him he reminds her of her duty of the law and he enlists her mother who begs for her to return to them as well but fecla remains and even more she begins to want to meet paul and to leave the life that has been expected of her for a life she now feels authentically her own her fiance reports paul to the governor calling him a magician attributing him with the powers to persuade young women not to marry the governor has paul arrested and sent for jail fecla leads her house in the middle of the night to go see him she gives her bracelets to the prison gatekeeper as admission and he lets her in she gives an ornate mirror to the guard at the cell door easily discarding the remains of her old wife he lets her in as well and then she goes to paul and sits at his feet the next day work gets up with fecla has been to the prison to see paul her fiance is beyond outrage fecla is his she is his possession fecla's mother agrees and screams for her punishment her own mother suggests that she is burned at the stake for breaking the law of her betrothal for going her own way for following her fiery young heart the governor has paul whipped and thrown out of town but to teach a lesson he has fecla stripped and binds her body to the stake the pyre is lit and i've always imagined that she was visibly trembling but that her resolve comes from a place within her and it gives her this courage that reminds her of who she is of what she's capable of just as the flames are beginning to reach her fecla makes the sign of the cross and a sudden thunder cloud covers her in all the spectators rain pours down on the fire that was meant to take her life and she is saved she has saved herself fecla finds a robe to wear a robe that was more commonly worn by men sets off in paul's footsteps to catch up with him a child finds her in the market of a nearby town a child who knows where paul can be found fecla has led back to where he has been waiting for her in deep prayer not knowing if she had lived or died she greets him and informs him that she will cut her hair and follow him wherever he is led he's flattered i'm sure but also concerned fecla it seems was extraordinarily beautiful so he voices his fears that fecla will only run into more trials as an unmarried young woman in the forbidden religion called christianity she assures him only give me the seal of christ and no trial will touch me she wanted baptism and she wanted confirmation from him her elder that she was ready and even may be worthy of being baptized paul responds be patient so she listens as patiently as love does and she remains with him at his side their ministry leads them to antioch an area of the road an area that the romans refer to as asia minor which was the epic portion of the entire Mediterranean they are walking down the crowded streets in the center of town where the president of syria alexander notes fecla and decides that he must have her right there as his own first he pleads with paul and offers him bribes of money and power hoping to appeal to paul's greed paul pretends that he doesn't know fecla he essentially disowns fecla right there for everyone to see she yells out wise and empowered teen that she is and insists that alexander not violate her alexander being a president rife with power goes forward anyway and tries to take her right there in the street fecla won't have it she rips his crown from his head and tears his garments drawing attention to his actions and subsequently shame from onlookers again fecla is saved she has saved herself she's brought before court to judge her actions and is sentenced to death in the stadium fecla again is stripped and her hands are bound she's led out into the stadium to face her fate she is forced to wear one word that encapsulates how she has been charged sacrilege she's wearing the word sacrilege standing naked in the center of a packed stadium as the crowd cheers on the arrival of the wild beast that are meant to take her down a ferocious lion approaches her i've often imagined that look of love she must have given it courage coming face to face with courage the depth of recognition that must have been there suddenly the lion stops charging at fecla and instead lay down at her feet frustrated the official send out more wild animals to attack her but the lioness has now become fecla's protector and she mauls each next beast that tries to harm her eventually the lioness is killed but the crowd has begun to turn the women in the crowd begin to scream unholy judgment they start to proclaim fecla's innocent and the voice to true sacrilege which is to put such love to death in the stadium where fecla is a pit of water filled with wild sea lions as more beast enter the stadium and charge at her fecla declares the name of jesus christ i baptized myself which we know that jay sound did not exist back then so we should have said the name of yashua as she enters the water a cloud of fire suddenly surrounds her so that she can't be touched and for the third and final time fecla saves herself the women in the crowd now recognize who she is or maybe they recognize themselves in her this is the part of her story that i love the most it's the part that gives me the most hope when the women in the crowd no longer see her as separate from them and so they refuse to let her be harmed together they throw rose petals nard cinnamon into the renum below where she is standing and the intoxicated perfumes that the roses and spices create lulls the bees into a stupor and they all lie down and fall asleep then the scripture reads all the women cried out in a loud voice as from one mouth praising fecla's courage and saving herself fecla has unified the force of love and all women around her and freeing herself as she has freed them this story comes from one of the earliest christian scriptures that has ever been found it's titled the acts of paul and fecla scholars know that it is a widely read because so many copies have been recovered but the late second century and early christian leader anthillosian condemned this scripture because it implied that women had the spiritual authority to lead communities and baptize the scripture ends by relating that fecla healed many that her ministry lasted until she died at the ripe old age of 90 and that she's buried supposedly right near paul i think the most threatening aspect of fecla's story is that she frees herself from an illusion that power resides outside of her the fecla who was married off the fecla from the prominent family with the weight of her mother's expectation the girl who was bound by law to become a wife and held no earthly rights to follow the dictates the calls of something inside of her she died during those three days and nights whenever she refused to leave her window in the sounds of paul's voice she began to move on her own volition she began to go against expectations of a girl considered the inferior sex in her time and she began to do what her heart was telling her to do and this was a sacrilege to those in power that she refused to evade or validate any authority outside of herself even and ultimately paul's she baptized herself because she realized she could she realized that all along within her she contained the power to save herself and so she did