 You never ever want to chase a man. Why? Because here's what will happen if you do. First, it'll be very easy for him to walk away from the relationship that you guys have. He'll feel like he's unsure about whether he even wants to be in the relationship or not. He'll be confused. He'll be flaky. He'll avoid the conversation. He'll start to become really lazy and he won't really want to do anything. He'll take you for granted. He'll make you do all the work and he'll be hard to work with and have conversations with and to get him to do just about anything in the relationship for the relationship or for you. Instead, you want him to chase you. If you end up chasing him, here's what will happen with you is you'll start to fall in love. You'll start to become attached to him. You'll start to feel like you really value him a lot in your life and he won't feel the same for you. And that's why you want him to chase you first. And really what this all boils down to is investment. So how do you know whether you're chasing a man or not? That's what I'm going to be talking about here today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to commitment connection. So let's jump in. I have seven different ways, seven signs that you're chasing a man and what you should be doing instead. So sign number one is that you initiate most or all of the conversations. So whether you're calling or texting or you're video chatting or you're sending smoke signals or you both have two cans and you're speaking through it, doesn't matter. You're the one who is initiating most of the contacts, more than 50% of the time, most of the time. And usually if you've gone over 50%, it turns into this downward spiral where you're initiating a lot, more than 50% of the time. And so instead, my suggestion is that you never go above 50%. There are exceptions to the rule, especially in committed relationships. But if you're not in a committed relationship, you definitely shouldn't initiate more than 50% of the time. There's some women, there's some coaches who say, oh, you should never initiate a conversation with anybody. That's just nonsense. And you shouldn't listen to that. You can definitely initiate conversations, especially if he has his energy moving towards you. He's initiating more than 50% of the time. You can initiate sometimes, right? I have a general rule. You want to be somewhere between 20% and 50%. But you don't ever want to go over 50%. Ideal is around 20%. And if you go less than 20, he might think that you're not really interested in him and then disappear or ghost you because he thought you didn't really like him. And so you want to be in the middle there, right? The magic is in the middle and you want to have somewhere between 20% and 50% of the time. And the rest of the time, you want him to be initiating the contact. All right, sign number two is that you have to work to push the conversation forward. So you feel like it's pulling teeth in order to get him to talk about anything. You fill up the space with you talking in order for there to be a conversation about anything. You're like, hey, I want to have some kind of conversation. I don't like this space, right? A lot of times women will do this thing where they stop talking because they're angry at a guy. And they don't realize that a lot of times guys actually like it when they're doing that. And that's why instead what you want to do is start learning to become okay with silences. Especially if you're the one that's always pushing things forward. What you want to do is give him more space to talk, give him more space to have conversations. And if he's not having those conversations, just learn to just chill and feel connected to the moment and feel connected to yourself and to your body. If you need something to do, say things to yourself. I have a whole bunch of affirmations in the forever woman program. You can say those to yourself or you're just like, I am worthy. I am worth being chased. Men love me. Men are attracted to me. I am a beautiful goddess. Whatever things that you want to say to yourself, you can say those. If you want to feel just connected to your body and just feel the emotions in your body or the sensations in your body and just get connected to yourself. That's a really good time to do that. But either way, don't end up just filling up the space with conversation because then you will be the one that's investing in him. So number one is you initiate most of the conversations. Two is you have to work to push the conversation forward. Number three is you have to suggest dates, plan out what you'll end up doing or ask him to go out in order for you guys to go out at all. And so if you don't plan stuff or suggest dates or ask him to go out, you guys just won't end up going out at all. And that is a really bad sign. You don't want to be in that situation. And so instead what you want to do is use something that I call the scarcity principle. And basically what you're going to be doing for the scarcity principle is making it a requirement that he starts putting in some effort in order to spend time with you. What you're doing with the scarcity principle is the scarcity principle is raising your value in his eyes. And when he starts putting in effort in order to see you, he will start to value you more. And so you want to make it a requirement that he puts in time, effort, and energy in order to see you. And the way that you have to do that is first by changing your thoughts in your mind and start thinking of yourself, your time, your body, your energy, your effort, your presence as something that is valuable and not only valuable, but actually sacred. Something that is really worth a lot so that you know that he has to put in some effort in order to see you. He doesn't get to just spend time with you and connect with you and connect with your body and have physical intimacy with you if he's not willing to put in any effort with you. And that goes again with another thing that you want to do is stop sleeping with him without going on some kind of date of some kind because when you just go and hang out together and hook up together, I mean, if you want to do that, that's fine, but just realize that he's not going to value you nearly as much as if he has to put in energy and effort in order to hang out with you and spend time with you, and that's what you want. Number four is he takes a lot longer to respond to your messages than you do to his. So when he sends you a text message, you respond to him right away. When he calls you, you call him right back or you pick up the phone immediately. But when you text him, it's like it takes hours or days or maybe even weeks in order to respond to you. And again, you don't want to be in a situation like this. And so what you want to do is stop having conversations with him if he's not really engaged in the conversation. So don't stop what you're doing. A lot of times what you're doing, just do whatever it is that you're doing and spend time doing what you're doing and don't make having him and connecting with him and responding to him a priority if he's not willing to make you a priority and talking to you and spending time with you and having conversations with you. And so basically one of the ways to do this is to leave cliffhangers. And what you want to do is he asks you some question and you're like, yeah, we should talk about that. That's a great question for us to talk about when we meet up. And then just leave it at that. So basically all you're doing is you're leaving a cliffhanger and that's it. If you're here with us right now, say hi in the chat and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. All right. So number five is you're constantly sharing details and things about your life. You're being open, you're being vulnerable, and he is not. So you're chasing him and you tell him everything. You're open to him, you're expressive, you're caring, you're thoughtful. You get really deep and emotional and you're like, this is what my life is about. Let me tell you my woes and my greatness and you're telling him all this stuff. And then when it's his turn, it's like crickets. You just, there's crickets, right? You can hear the crickets outside. There's birds chirping, but he is not talking. He's not talking. And so what do you do? What do you do in situations like this? Here's what you do. You start getting a lot more curious about him. Ask him open-ended questions and ask him questions about his answers. And then instead of cutting him off or he's taken too long, so I'm going to say anything, you just sit there and wait for him to talk. And if you're not getting anything, you can always ask him what he's passionate about and find out what he's passionate about. Find out things that he really cares about because there's something that everybody really cares about, even if they've given up on that thing that they care about. There's something out there that they really care about and there's something out there that they're willing to talk a lot about. And you want to find out what that is so he can start investing from a conversational standpoint in you because that's very important as we'll talk about here in a minute. Number six is you feel exhausted from doing everything and he doesn't appreciate it at all. I know that sounds horrible, doesn't it? It's painful. It's painful. And there's so many people, so many women who get into this situation. And if you're in that situation, I'm sorry to hear that. It's very painful to be there. So you do much of everything, right? You do everything and it feels just absolutely exhausting because you're putting in all the work. And you deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be treated like you're important and special and a priority and a man feels like you're a gift to him, like you're a blessing in his life. Like you're one of the most amazing, beautiful, sacred things that he's ever been able to be around in his life. That's what you should strive for. That's what you deserve. And so how do you get around this situation? What you want to do is mirror his interest level. And so mirror his investment, mirror, if he's giving you crumbs, you give him crumbs back. You just mirror what he's doing from an investment standpoint, how he gives to you, how he treats you, how much energy he puts in, how much work he puts in. You mirror that, not to get revenge. I know a lot of women are like, get revenge on him, show him what it's like to feel that way. You don't want to come from a revenge standpoint because if you come from a revenge standpoint, you're going to get into a circle of revenge and then you're going to be getting revenge on each other and then it's just going to spiral into a very painful breakup eventually because you guys are both hating on each other and that just doesn't work for a healthy relationship if that's actually what you want, which if you're here, my guess is that you want a healthy relationship. And so instead you want to do it because you are worth more than that. You are worth somebody who really invests his time and energy and attention into you, who makes you a priority. And so don't give to him if he's not willing to give to you. Don't give him everything if he's not willing to give you everything, which leads us to number seven, which by the way, if you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, ask whatever questions you have about what I'm talking about or your situation and I will answer your questions here at the end. So number seven is you have to push the relationship forward. So you're the one pushing to meet his family. You're pushing to meet his friends. You're pushing to be exclusive. You're pushing to get a girlfriend boyfriend label. You're pushing to be committed. And the truth is that he's really not committed, right? He's not really in it. He's not really fully there. He's not really about it, about it. And the reality is, is that commitment only works when you're both really in it. And commitment is when you're both willing to do whatever it takes to make things work between the two of you. If you're not both willing to do whatever it takes in order to make things work, you're not in a committed relationship. You're in something, you're dating still, right? You're dating, here's how the relationship timeline works. You date and then you're committed. And everything between dating and committed is dating. And then once you're in commitment, that's when all the magic really, really happens. And so you don't want to commit to someone who isn't committed to you. The metaphor I have here is don't jump into a pool if he hasn't even decided whether he wants to swim or not, right? Because what's going to end up happening is you're going to be in the pool swimming alone and he's going to be up on the side and he's going to be like, what are you doing? And you're going to be like, hey, I thought we were getting in swimming. I thought we were swimming. It's so much fun, right? And he's going to be like, I don't even really want to get wet. I'm going to go over to this other party over here. See you later, right? And you're going to be like, I thought we were swimming, right? And so you don't want to commit to him because you're going to be committed. You're going to be doing everything. You're going to be chasing. You're going to be trying to make things work. And he doesn't even really care that much. But here's the thing with men. Most men will lean back and allow you to do everything even if they're not all that interested in you or a relationship. Why would they do that? Because they're getting all of their needs met without having to put in any work. And so they don't value you. They don't treat you like a priority. And they don't give you what it is that you want and what you need. And you're doing everything. You're committed. You're falling in love. You think he's the one. You're attached to this guy. And all of a sudden you start to realize that he's not really in the game. And so you want to stop chasing men. Never chase men. A man should be chasing you until you're in a committed relationship. And then once you're in a committed relationship, you build the relationship together. That's how it works. Do not invest in men who do not invest in you. That is the bottom line. And if you follow that rule, you'll save yourself a lot of heartbreak and a lot of pain in your future. And what you should do if you aren't sure how to create a situation like that is go and check out my program, theforeverwomanformula.com, and you will learn exactly how to make a guy start chasing you, start investing in you, and start building a real relationship with you. You can get that program for free. Just go to theforeverwomanformula.com, watch the video there, and sign up for the program. And so let's see what kind of questions we have. And I know a lot of people, a lot of women out there, they want text messages to get a guy to chase. And I actually put together a text message program. It's irresistible text. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com. And it's a great program if you're interested in getting a guy to chase you and invest in you from a texting standpoint. All right, let's see what people have to say. Vett says, hi, Matthew. Been there, done that, learning now with your amazing guidance. Well, I'm glad that you're learning, and I'm glad that it's helping you out. So thank you so much, Vett, for being here. You are awesome. And I'm happy that you're starting to learn a lot with my guidance. And hopefully you're implementing, hopefully you're implementing, because that's the most important thing. It's not just learning, but actually using. Ivana says, I try to open questions. So what are we doing this week? His answers are usually, we will talk during the week. And let's see, I've watched your forever woman, but I can't apply abundance principle. You can't or you don't want to. Right, Ivana? The abundance principle is one of the most important things that you can do. Because when you're in scarcity, right now, you're like, what's this guy doing? Because he's leaning back, right? He's going, oh, we'll just see. We'll see what happens. We'll talk this week, right? And you're letting him do it, because he's your only option. So you're putting him on a pedestal, and you're going, this guy's really important to me, and I have to make things work out for it with him. And we have to make things happen, right? And then you're like, oh, Matt Coase talks about this idea of abundance, where instead of being in scarcity, and there's just this one guy, and I have to make things work with this one guy, you open things up and you say, hey, there's a world of men out there. And I can connect with them, and I can have abundance. And all of a sudden it's not, is this guy acting properly? It's, which guy is going to compete for my attention, my time, my energy, and who's going to treat me like the beautiful, amazing, awesome woman that I am, and that I deserve to be treated as. A woman who's sacred, a woman who's a blessing to a man's life. And when you come from that space, all of a sudden, you'll notice that guys who wouldn't chase you before start chasing you. Guys who start, who weren't investing in you before, start to invest in you, because they see that there's something different about you. They see that you're high value. They see that you change your behaviors and start just behaving in a way that you would if you believe that you're really valuable. And so you definitely want to get into abundance, Ivana. And yeah, yeah, that's what I would do. That's where I would start if I were you. I would start detaching myself from him and start getting into a world of abundance, just like what I talk about in the forever woman program. Rebecca says, well, I blew it. Guess I'm done with my crush onto the next. Laugh out loud. Well, Rebecca, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to completely let go, right? It's one of those things a lot of times, women are like, oh, moving on to the next, right? It's like, you know, go on to the next one. And if you want to, you can do that, right? You can certainly do that if you want to. But you can also leave the door open and send a feeler out there every once in a while. And if he doesn't catch it and he's not moving things forward and he's not investing in all those things, then what you want to do is, like what we're talking about before with Ivana is you should get into abundance and make sure that you're in a position where men are competing for your time, your tension, and your energy. Ivana says, if he is not contacting me, what should I do? Well, if he's not contacting you at all, right? Like, I mean, you guys have had conversations, you've talked to each other, and he's done contacting you, here's my suggestion, is that if you know that there's been interest there, you know that he likes you, you can send out a test message. You send out a text message that's basically just a test to find out whether he wants to grab the hook or not and reel himself in. And if you send out that text message and he doesn't reel himself in, then that's fine, right? You're learning what's going on with him and what you need to believe about yourself is that you're worth more than that, that you deserve to have more in your life. You deserve to have someone who pursues you, who invests in you, who makes you a priority, who responds to you, who initiates contact with you, who plans dates, who wants to take you out and treat you like you're a valuable, special, amazing human being and that you deserve nothing less than that. That's what you want to find. And that's where you want to start. And if you're not there with a guy, it can be built over time if he's willing to do that, right? If he sees you that way, if he connects with you that way. And there's a lot of strategies, like I talk about in The Forever Woman, to create that. But there are some guys who, no matter what you do, Ivana, no matter how you act, no matter, you know, any of that kind of stuff, they will never see your value. Do not take that as a challenge. It's not a challenge, right? It's he's showing you who he is and what he thinks about you. And instead of making it a challenge and I'm sure, you know, I know, you know, I know it's painful, right? You're attached to this guy. You really like this guy. And you want him to see you the same way. And you can do all the things right, everything right, and he still won't see you that way. And there are just some men that are going to be that way. And like I said, you want to go where somebody treats you like you're a million dollars, not like you're five bucks, right? You want to go where somebody looks at you and he sees you and he thinks to himself, you know, and he even says or communicates or he looks at you and he says with his body language that you are beautiful and you are amazing and you are special. And I want to have you in my life and I want to do whatever it takes. I want to move mountains. I want to fly to the ends of the earth. I will do anything in order to be with you. That's the kind of guy that you want to be with. Somebody who does that, but does it from a reciprocal standpoint, obviously. You don't want to be with some guy that's some kind of crazy stalker that's you know, stalking you or whatever. You want to have some kind of reciprocal situation like that. And some guys are going to do that and some aren't. Find the ones that will leave on out. So Mandy says, met guy I'm dating consistently initiated and planned dates for two months. I initiated 20%. Two weeks ago, he became cold, disappeared for two days and now came back. You know, that's really interesting. You're like he disappeared for two days. Now texting once a day and leaves me on red. So anything I can do to get him to ask me out again, should I still reply to his texts? So first off, there's a lot going on here Mandy. First off is the two days thing, right? He went cold for two days like, you guys have been seeing, you know, he's been initiating consistently so he's been contacting you every single day for two months. Like that's a lot of investment, right? That's a lot of connection. That's a lot of contact for most people. That's not even normal. And I mean, obviously it's good that he's doing that. And what you want to do is mirror what he's doing. Like what we just talked about. You want to mirror what he's doing. So I mean, if he goes, if he doesn't contact you for two days, you don't want to, you know, not ignore his texts for two days, but just lean back, right? Let him not contact you for a couple of days. Sometimes guys do that. Sometimes there's things that happen in people's lives that make other things a priority that start taking up all their time, right? Start taking up all their energy. And they have to kind of switch over and go, okay, I'm going to do this for a little bit. And just think of it like you're connecting with a cat or something, right? The cat comes over and you're petting it and it's fun. And you're like, cats like. You know, and you're rubbing its head and stuff and the cats having a good time. But then the cat runs off, right? You don't see it for a couple of days. Well, what are you going to do? Are you going to go searching for the cat? You might find it and it's possible you could get it back. But usually what will happen is if you start chasing after the cat, the cat's just going to run off, right? And so what you want to do is wait for the cat to come back to you. Because the cat will come back to you if it really likes you and thinks that you're an amazing owner and loves your pettings and just thinks that you're absolutely wonderful. And so, but you want to wait until it comes back and then when it's back, you pet it, right? And so you want to lean back and let him do the initiating, let him do all these things. If he's like you're saying now texting once a day and leaves me on red, like what does that mean exactly? Are you texting him once a day and he's not responding? Or are you texting each other once a day and he's not responding back to your text message? What kind of text messages are you leaving him? Are you asking him questions? Are you... One of the things that I talk about in my texting program is this idea of text messages that deserve a response. And you have to look at whether your text message actually deserves a response or not. Because if it doesn't deserve a response, there's a very good chance that it's not going to be responded to. Because guys are a little bit different than a lot of women are. So some guys, some, you know, it depends. Guys are all different, but a lot of guys are out there and they just, you know, they function a different way. And so you want to make sure that if you want a response back, that you have some kind of a message that looks like there should be a response back to it, right? If you're like hi and he's like hi or he's like hi and you're like hi and then all of a sudden there's no more messages. You know, he might be like, oh, well, she's not really investing and I'm not really investing and nobody's really investing. And so you want to think about that a little bit more. I hope that should you so anything I can do to get him to ask me out. Yeah, I mean, it depends on what your conversations are, right? Like I said before, there's the cliffhanger thing. That's one of the best things that you can possibly do is the cliffhanger thing around getting asked out again. Ivana says, you are amazing, by the way. Open my eyes so much. Thank you. You are absolutely welcome, Ivana. Vicki says, what you think about a distant, I think that's distant relationship. Well, it depends on the distant relationship. I have an entire program about long distance relationships. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash long dash distance dash allure. You know, long distance relationships can work and they cannot work and they can be really hard and they can actually be healthier than normal relationships in a lot of ways because there's distance built in which can be a really healthy thing because sometimes you guys need space, right? People need space in order to grow their love, right? He can't miss you if you're always there, right? A fire needs oxygen. It needs space. It needs you not to be constantly putting on wood in order for it to grow. And that's the same as love in a relationship is sometimes it needs a little bit of space. It needs that contrast between you being there and you not being there in order for it to grow and get stronger and get more powerful. And so long distance relationships can be really good and they can be really challenging. Depending on you and what's going on with you Whatever you are, get ahead. So Melissa says long distance relationship but about to come back together by Thanksgiving. Ooh, that's exciting. But he's been low investment in distant. No fight just feels disconnected. About 2.5 months of disconnect. Yeah, I mean, it depends, right? Sometimes what can happen, especially in long distance relationships where you guys have not seen each other for months is that things can kind of die down, right? Like my suggestion in long distance relationships is you try to get it together at least once a month. That way you can keep the momentum going, the connection going, because it can get really, really hard for people when you're not around each other for that long, right? You're not around each other for months and months and months. It can just, it's like, it feels like you're never gonna be with each other again. I've been in long distance relationships before and it's, it can be really, really challenging. And so, just give them some space, right? Use my program that I taught you. Melissa says I follow your advice religiously. Thank you, you're welcome. I hope you're using the long distance allure program because that's specifically designed for everything that you need to do in a long distance relationship to keep that passion alive, to keep the connection alive, all that kind of stuff. And sometimes you need space, right? And sometimes you need to mirror what he's doing instead of trying to make things happen or make things work, because that's usually what doesn't work in relationships whether you're a man or a woman. Gita says, Matt, what do you think if he is an extrovert or an introvert who rarely speaks? Well, being an introvert and being someone who rarely speaks are two completely different things. I am actually a pretty hardcore introvert. However, I spent a lot of time learning about how to communicate with people because it was really important for me in a lot of different aspects of life. And I think communication is incredibly important. Introvert really means that he gains his energy by being alone, right? It has nothing to do with his ability to speak. It has to do with how he feels when he's around people versus when he's by himself. That's what an introvert means. And if you have a guy who doesn't really speak a whole lot, it depends on where... A couple of different things, right? Where are you trying to get him to speak? Because maybe he speaks, but he doesn't speak over text message or maybe he speaks, but he doesn't speak over the phone or maybe he speaks, but... He doesn't speak in certain environments or about certain topics. And so you need to figure out like, you know, one, where does he speak? Because he probably speaks somewhere and he probably speaks to somebody, almost certainly, right? Almost all introverts do. Some of them spend their time speaking on video games. Some of them spend their time speaking in a classroom or to certain people about certain things. And so you want to find out what those things are, right? And usually those things are his passions and his hobbies. And many times introverts are less about chit chat and more about deep topics on things that they're very interested in or that they're passionate about. And so you want to find out what those things specifically are and then ask him questions about that and allow him to speak around those things. Carol says, What if he likes me but can't come to terms with his past bad marriage? Any advice? Well, it depends on what he's saying about coming to terms with his past bad marriage. I mean, if he's like, hey, I am not willing to get into a relationship because of that. I'm not willing to commit because of that. I'm not looking to get married again because of that. Then what that means is that he needs to do some healing work and he needs to spend some time connecting with himself some time letting go of his hurts some time forgiving himself some time forgiving his ex-wife some time finding new references new examples of women who are really good women or relationships or marriages that are really good relationships and marriages. And so it's going to be difficult. Like it's going to be easier for him to do that if he's doing that by himself and it's going to be it's actually going to enable him and stop him from doing that if you get into a relationship with him and then try to get him to do that, right? Because a lot of the times the reason that guys will heal and the guys will grow and guys will become more of their potential is to be with a woman and to get their needs met instead of getting their needs met and then healing and doing all that stuff it works usually the opposite way because they're in pain because they can't get into a real relationship a real connection have a real soulmate type of a situation that they want to get into and so a lot of times what will end up happening is that they will grow in order to get into that situation whereas if you start giving him all of his needs you're fulfilling all of his needs without him needing to grow to get there he's far less likely to feel like he needs to heal himself and get to that point and so you don't want to you don't want to enable him by meeting all of his needs without him needing to grow in order to get there hello hello hello Vicky hello Wendy hello Michelle hello Kathy Lupe Diane Vera Leslie Shirley hello hello hello hello hello hello hello baby sim says do these also apply in friendship friendships are a little bit different because there's a different kind of thing happening in a friendship it can work that way and you don't want to put people on a pedestal in a relationship either or they'll feel like they're too good for you however sometimes in relationships if you're not contacting them and they're not contacting you nobody's contacting each other and so it can actually be better if you contact them and just let go of your whole thing about that in a friendship just in a friendship we're just talking about friendships here people nothing else Nadia says number one fan well you know what Nadia I am very grateful for you being my number one fan so thanks for being here Irene says if he's shy and says he don't know what to say is that a logical reason why he doesn't initiate text it's not the truth right that's not the truth the truth is is that he's scared he's embarrassed he's comfortable with not doing it and so he doesn't do it that's the truth right the truth is that he's not try he's coming from a space of being scared and so he's not I don't know what to say I don't know what to text I don't know what to do right because when you're coming from a strong space where you're coming from I mean you know there is a like a competency in communication and text messaging right like if you're if you don't know how to have a conversation with a human being right you might need to learn how to have a conversation with a human being and that's I mean that's a legitimate concern right being lots of lots of people these days with the age of social media don't know how to have a regular conversation with a person and so they need examples they need you know you could always send him my text message guide and teach him how to teach him how to have a text conversation by sending him my text message guide I mean really you know if he doesn't know what to say I'd be like well you don't look it up you can you can look up how to have conversations that you know you can teach him about it be like look here's what you do you know ask a question you know respond to something that you say by saying something about what you think about what they just said you know it's really not that difficult there's there's a limited number of things that you could really say to if you just want to you know continue the conversation on it what it means really what it means is that he doesn't want to put in the effort and the energy and the investment in the conversation and so that's what he's saying and you want a guy who's willing to put in the energy and effort into the conversation Kathy says I gave in to my ex when he asked me to spend the night really big mistake and now he isn't initiating what should I do going forward if I want to get back together so here's what you should do Kathy is you should go back into no contact and let him start initiating you know I know that it probably hurts a lot right you're like okay well we're in a different situation now than we were before because I hooked up with him and I spent the night at his place and now he's not initiating contact well not really you made a decision right you decided that you were going to go and you know you probably felt like you really wanted a connection with him and you wanted to see him and then you saw him and he was texting you and you felt wonderful because he hadn't been texting you in so long and he's your ex and you think he's great and you want to be back together and so you're like yes I will spend the night with you and get that connection that we both desperately want to have together thank you and then you did it and then you're like and then you're like he's not texting me back he's not sending me he's not initiating contact he's not messaging me he's not doing these things and what you want to do is lean back go back into a situation where he has to earn you right you want him to earn you back that's what you want if you want to be back into a relationship you can put the idea of physical intimacy on the table but you should not be doing that unless he tells you that he's interested in getting into some kind of exclusive at the very least and if not committed relationship with you that is the situation you want to be in so give him some space girl give him some space girl Debbie says hello Matthew I need this today I walked away from him I'm just gonna sing it I'm just gonna sing all the comments from here on out if you don't like my singing you should leave right now because I'm singing I'm telling you I'm gonna sing every single comment from here on out so get ready for it well Debbie I am very happy that you needed this today and I hope that it has helped you a lot so thank you for being here you're awesome so X shell X shell says what if on phone text very plain combos not too much talking but in person very talkative it even got me nervous I was in shock well here's what you want to do is focus on the meet up the magic is in the meet up the magic is in the meet up I said I was going to sing the question but now I'm singing the answer the magic is in the meet up remember that remember that phrase the magic is in the meet up so if he doesn't want to text that's fine don't engage in big text conversations with him you don't want to force I mean there are ways to kind of get him to open up around text and all that kind of stuff but if he's really in person kind of person focus on meeting up with him and focus on getting him in that meet up and then focus on getting him to talk and then let him just ramble on for a while because that's what will make him feel really connected to you Shelby says yes Matt exactly spot on well thank you I appreciate your validation of my ideas so thanks a lot Shelby Seprican Seprican Wendy says greetings from Montreal, Quebec your live videos are always so informative I hope that you have someone special in your life that values you you deserve this one I really appreciate you Wendy and I appreciate all that you got to say Anita says oh my god I don't know what Anita talks like but I'm going to pretend oh my god your haircut makes you hotter than you already were Matt no kidding keep this look I think I was getting British a little bit there at the end oh my gosh no kidding keep this look get a spot of tea for me later thank you Anita I appreciate your compliment so thank you so so much Nadia says why men always want to hook up and nothing else well some men right not all men if all men just want to hook up that's because either one where you're meeting them or two the way that you're presenting yourself or three random variation right so when you say all men sometimes what happens is somebody will have like one man and then they'll be like well this one guy did this one thing and so all men think this way right or two men or even three men and they're like all men think this way and they met all these men on Tinder and all these men or some kind of other hookup site or dating app or some place that you don't really want to meet men and then they're like all men want to hook up and nothing else and that's absolutely not true they've done studies on this and they found that the overwhelming majority they actually found that the percentages of men and women who want a real relationship is about the same and it's around what was it I think it was I think it was like in the 80 percentile range like 83 percent or something like that and it's the same with men and women and most people want a real relationship but that doesn't mean that they want a real relationship with you and most guys if they're attracted to you but they think that maybe they don't want a real relationship with you or they have past mommy and daddy issues or they're hurt from a breakup and their inner child hasn't been healed yet or any of the other kind of stuff that's going on they're scared of getting into a real relationship because they have trauma and they don't want to heal and face their demons and all that kind of stuff what they will do is they will settle right and I am saying settle they will settle for a casual hookup situationship and what most guys also know is that most women and we actually had some woman on my Facebook page not too long ago who is talking about this is most women who see a guy as not serious are more likely to hook up with him than they are a guy who has actual relationship potential right she's far less likely to hook up with a guy who has real relationship potential because she's looking for red flags she's like I don't like these things and so we're just not going to be around each other at all but a guy that she's like he's totally not relationship potential she looks at him but she's like he's hot you know most women that are willing to do that will just hook up with that guy and then a lot of those women what ends up happening is they get attached to that dude and so that guy has more of a chance of getting into a relationship with most women if he just pretends like he just wants to hook up from the very beginning then he does if he pretends if he shows that he actually wants a real relationship so there's a whole bunch of different things that are going on there and you have to remember that and if a guy wants that you need to set boundaries and if he keeps pushing past those boundaries you just need to you need to block them and move on to another guy right and you want to have an abundance of men that are chasing you and pursuing you and going after you for a real relationship all within that so I hope that helps Nadia I hope that helps Nadia Luisa says I live for Matthew's metaphors you know I'm glad you do because I like my metaphors and maybe I will put together a whole bunch more metaphors for everybody because they love them so much so thank you for saying that Thudo says can you explain a difference between dating and commitment yeah dating is everything before commitment so dating is things like going on dates it's things like meeting his family it's things like meeting his friends it's things like sharing interests together it's things like hanging out on the couch and spending time together and hooking up and having fun and just doing fun things that is dating commitment is when he looks at you in the eyes and he says you are the only one for me I don't want anybody else let's do this and it might involve putting a ring on your finger it might not but that is the difference the difference is that commitment means that he's all in and that he's going to do whatever it takes in order to make things work with you dating is everything before that a lot of women think that because you're meeting his friends his family his you know all that kind of stuff that you're in a committed relationship it's not true it's not true it's absolutely not true there's actually a woman in our community not too long ago who actually said that she was like when Matt told me that if I met his friends and family that it didn't mean that we were in a committed relationship I didn't believe it that's what she said until today when I asked him about our relationship and he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and it's been a year and a half of me wasting my time with this man right and so you don't want to put yourself into a situation where you're committed to a guy who's not committed to you all those things that I was just talking about meeting friends family going on dates you know him telling that he him telling you that he loves you none of those things mean that he's in a committed relationship with you none of them do none of them do and if you want to get into a committed relationship and you don't know what's going on and you want to make sure you get there my suggestion is you check out my program called the devotion switch you can go check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion because you want to make sure that you are getting into a relationship a committed relationship because everything before commitment is just having fun and dating that's that's it and a lot of women think that they're in a relationship that that's actually a huge I was talking to some business people about this the other day and they're like well what's going on you know like are most of the women that you talk to are they single are they into relationships I'm like well a lot of them are single but they think that they're in relationships and they're really not and the guy doesn't think that they are they do though the woman the girl the woman thinks she's in a relationship the guy's like now we're not in a relationship and at some point there's a rude awakening and that's where I come in usually because that's when they start feeling a lot of pain and then they come to me and they're like hey what's going on here like he just said this and it's so weird I thought we were like moving towards marriage and it's been five years and we've been seeing each other and he said that we're just friends like what's going on here I mean talk about a nightmare story on the cat all right so Nadia says you are so sweet well I'm glad you feel that way Mandy says what exactly to say when I would like to have a relationship after a few months of dating or should I wait to bring for him to bring it up to me what should I do if I want a relationship well what you should do early on is you should have some questions that you actually ask and you start finding things out from him right there's little tests that you want to do and one of them is how freaked out does he get around the conversation about relationships right if you bring up the topic of relationships and he freaks out doesn't want to talk about it and avoids the conversation that is a giant red flag and so you want to talk about things right and just talk about what he's looking for if a guy is looking for a real relationship he's going to be open to talking about it he's going to want to have that conversation he's going to be happy to have that conversation and tell you what he's looking for and you want to know whether he's looking for a relationship or not. If he's saying, you know, if you have a conversation with him and you're talking to him and he's like, Hey, I'm not looking for a relationship, then you got all your information right there. If he starts freaking out about the topic, you got your information right there. Another way to have this conversation is to find out what his blueprint is, right? So we all have a blueprint about like we have a blueprint of what relationships look like. And this comes from past relationships. It comes from family. It comes from younger times. It comes from watching our parents grow up. It comes from all kinds of different things, right? And basically what you want to do is ask questions about other people, like what he thinks, right? Like, oh, I have this couple of his friends and they do this and they say that, right? And they're talking to each other all the time or they're, you know, they're really committed to each other and making things work together. Like, what do you think about that? You know, and a lot of times guys will start talking about what they think, right? Like, you know, some guys will tell you that they don't believe that that exists or it's really difficult to find, you know, and then you can kind of segue into like, is that something that you're looking for? Is that something that you want? Is that, you know, just find out from him, like what he thinks. And for most guys, it's actually more of a feeling thing, you know, and a lot of women think that guys are like these super logical robot people and they just think and we're logical beings and all that kind of stuff. And we're really not like that. The truth is, is that, you know, maybe we have more rationality around certain things than a lot of women do, especially women in their femininity and men in their masculinity. However, it's, we all make decisions based on emotions. We all do. Everybody makes decisions based on emotions. And you want to focus on the emotions of the man so that you're getting into a situation where he absolutely, you know, is just like, you are great and I want to be in a relationship with you. You're awesome. You're the kind of woman that I've always been looking for. And that is an emotional thing, right? Most guys don't have any idea what it's going to take for them to feel that way. We actually have a coach, her name is Celine, and she got with this guy who didn't want to get married. He never wanted to get married. He was determined not to get married. I actually talked to him about it. Because I was, she was working with me when they were getting married. And she's like, yeah, he didn't want to get married. And then he decided he did. And I was like, let me talk to that man. Because those are, those are my favorite guys to talk to the guys who were like, I'm not getting married. There's no chance. And the next thing you know, they're like, will you marry me? I'm going to send to you all night long. You are my favorite. I'm going to dance in the streets and I want this girl to marry me. Right. And those are the, my favorite guys to talk to by far, hands down, bar none, my favorite dudes to talk to because I love, I love to find out what happened, you know, what they think happened at least. And and what he said was he was like, he's like, yeah, you know, I, after, you know, seeing friends and family and people I know, just going through these horrible divorces and getting married over and over and over again and losing all this money, he's like, I didn't want to do it. I never wanted to do it. And he's like, and then I met Celine and the way that she made me feel and specifically what he said was the way that she made me feel like we were a team, like we were on the same side. Like she would never hurt me. Like she was there with me through anything. Like she would, you know, like she, she was a part of my team. We're, we're, we're together, you know, and you know, I dived a little bit deeper into like what that meant and all that kind of shit and all that kind of stuff. I just said shit. Anyway, I didn't mean to say that. What I wanted to say was they, they dove into that in partnership is what really the, the main kind of principle that was the big takeaway from that. And actually when I, when I talked to both of them about that, that's when I was like, Oh, the partnership principle, this is, this is something where you're both on the same team together. You're both in it together. And that's when I was like, all right, there we go. And so anyway, I gotta get going here. Thank you everybody for being here with me today. I hope this live stream was really valuable for you. Thank you so much for trusting me to, to help you on your journey to creating the relationship that you've always wanted to have. If you are interested in texting and learning more about texting and getting a guy to chase you and opening him up through text messages, which a lot of these things you can actually use in person as well, not just over text message, if you want to have conversations with him, where you get him to open up and get him to chase you a little bit more. Then my suggestion is you check out the irresistible text program, you can get it at commitmentconnection.com slash text. And that's it for the video today. I will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it. Have a beautiful day, night, morning. Goodbye.